Take Me Back to the Start
by whitlockswan
Summary: The Volturi ruthlessly murdered Edward and Alice and left Bella to live with the consequences. But which was the greater curse? Now, she has to figure out how to heal, a seemingly impossible task after her world was ripped apart. But she isn't the only one. Jasper's hope was lost when his family was. Can two broken people unexpectedly fix each other? Takes place during New Moon era
1. Chapter 1

_If I had told you_  
_You would have listened_  
_You would have stayed_  
_You would be here forever_  
_Never went away ;;_

**Author's Note**: This was originally a role play between the characters of Jasper and Bella. We have written them for years and fell in love with their story. We've had requests from people wanting to read our work and we decided to share it. That's why you will find the story in the format it's in. It goes back and forth between Jasper and Bella's perspective and it's written in third-person. If that's not a style you like and want it to read more like a straight story, stop reading now. It would take us decades to edit our role play like a true story format. That said, we really hope you enjoy what we have for so long.

**Lyrics**: Within Temptation - Bittersweet

**CHAPTER ONE**

Forks, Washington.

It was hell on earth that for Isabella Swan became an unexpected haven. Just over a year before, the doe-eyed brunette came here with a heavy heart, dreading what was to become of her new life in the small, rain-covered town. But what she hadn't planned on was falling in love with a boy – and immortal boy – named Edward Cullen. And that was putting it in the lightest context. Her world – so dull and uneventful before – was suddenly turned upside down. For the first time, she had a reason to live. Perhaps more fittingly, she had a reason now to die, to want to live eternally, and never have to close her eyes again by the hand of either sleep or death. Because of him, she learned not only how to love another romantically, but how to love the person she was. Not to mention, the place she'd come to call home.

But now Forks was anything but a haven. It was worse than the hell of when she initially came. If Dante was right in describing the nine circles of hell, Forks would be the tenth. It was reserved for those who had to endure lifetimes without the ones they loved. It was the physical, geographical place in which heartache bred and where hopes for happy futures were crushed to ashes. Because while it had been the place where she'd learned to love, it was also the place that held all of the memories that reminded her that such a thing no longer existed for her and never would again. There had been a brief time when Bella had thought that love was gone forever. Too recent for the wounds to be fully healed. But when she and Edward had reunited in Italy, it felt like time hadn't existed for the past several months. All that mattered had been the present, the fact that she could hear him, smell him, touch him. The elation she felt was her happiest moment. It could be the only thing to rival the extreme of lowest moment. The moment the life drained from his eyes and she came to understand that immortality was not a solid concept and eternity had a timely end.

How could she bring herself back here? How could she surpass Dante and immerse herself deeper into a personal hell? How could she come to leave Jacksonville, the makeshift haven that would never amount to anything as Edward's heart had? It hadn't been so much of a haven as it had been an escape. If it weren't for her father and his safety, Bella never would have stepped foot in the state of Washington ever again. But the killings in Seattle were growing in number to the point where the mystery had reached even the news on the other side of the country and Bella could no longer turn her head the other way. Charlie's well-being was a priority. If it hadn't been enough of one before, the fact that Bella had lost more than one of the most important people in her life was a reason to protect the few she had left.

But such a thing was an impossibility on her own. If her goal was to be attainable, the one to keep Charlie safe from becoming the next victim in the string of strange killings happening closer and closer to Forks, she couldn't do it alone. And there was only one group, now a smaller, more heartbroken one, that could help. That was how she came to stand outside the Cullen's all too familiar door.

Though it could be assured that this time, no one would have predicted her coming.

* * *

It was a known saying that time healed all.

Jasper had all the time in the world and yet he had not felt an ounce of comfort since the day he lost his wife and brother. No shred of solace had been found, no relief to the constant pain in his heart could be achieved. He thought he'd endured the most painful agony earlier on in his existence when he savagely killed others and felt their pain in their final moments. However not even that could compare to the anguish he felt upon losing his Alice. She had been his hope, his reason for living. With her gone, there seemed no purpose left to his existence.

The only home Jasper had ever known was with the Cullens, and initially the only reason he felt that way was primarily because of Alice. Him staying with the Cullens was for that reason. She was happy with them, and Jasper had grown to be as well. Alice loved them and would have wanted him there. Esme had told him that at some point or another; he couldn't be sure because the minutes, hours, and days all ran together and blurred. At the time her words had cut through him painfully, but deep down he knew his mother was right. Alice would have wanted that. Jasper stayed in Forks, though it was nearly unbearable. He refused to enter the bedroom he had once shared with his wife. Esme and Rosalie had been kind enough to set him up a room of his own instead. They'd even gone as far as to purchase him new clothing, for all of the clothes he had owned up until that point were purchases made by Alice. He'd insisted they burn the old clothes, but Esme had been unable to bring herself to do so, thus they were secretly stored in the cellar. The two bedrooms that had once been occupied by Alice and Edward remained closed. Their belongings were still in place as they were when last left, but the doors were kept shut. Jasper would not set foot near either.

He'd steeled himself from allowing any of the others to feel his grief. Occasionally it would slip and waves of despair would fill the house, but he was quick to rein them back in. The last thing he really wanted was for anyone else to feel his pain. Jasper had been keeping completely to himself, isolated in the room given to him. He only left to hunt, and even then he would wait until his eyes were black as coal and the burning in his throat felt like flames engulfing his insides. He welcomed that pain; it was a distraction from the pain of his broken heart. The rest of the family was avoiding their grief by trying to figure out what was going on in Seattle. Jasper had suspected newborns being carelessly brought into the world by another newborn, but without specifics it was difficult to say. Honestly? He hadn't given it much thought, nor had he preoccupied himself with the well-being of the humans of Forks. He could only think of Alice and his own demise.

Currently, he was in Carlisle's study alone. His father had asked him to come down and look at maps of Seattle to try to pinpoint any ideas of a location to where this out of control vampire might be taking haven, as well as to come up with some sort of plan to attack if necessary. Their own existence would be in jeopardy if the Volturi found out there was a threat of exposure. Jasper's initial response had been, "So what?" But he'd agreed anyway. Very little had been accomplished other than the spreading out of a map on Carlisle's desk. Jasper wasn't even anywhere near it; instead he was sitting sideways in an oversized chair with his long, lanky legs draped over one arm. He was playing with a loose thread on the chair, something Alice would've noticed from across the room and insisted on getting new upholstery to replace the old. In the past that thought would've made him smile, but now it just made him tug a little harder on the loose thread to make it worse. There would be no more smiles in his future. He didn't need his wife's power to tell him that.

When Bella came to the door, it was immediately opened. The sound of her vehicle followed by the beating of her heart was announcement enough for the Cullens to know they were going to have a visitor. Unfortunately without Alice or Edward they couldn't be sure who it was. But it was Rosalie who answered the door, and immediately upon seeing Bella she looked her over once, then stormed away from the open door without a word. Carlisle was quick to approach to do damage control as best he could. "Bella..? We weren't expecting to see you." He winced. Alice would've seen her coming.

Jasper tore the thread out of the chair's covering upon hearing Carlisle's words from the other room. Usually his father had a bit more courtesy, but even the good doctor had trouble speaking while he was grieving for his son and daughter.

* * *

Though she had been planning this visit for the past month, the long flight across country, and the drive to the Cullen home, there was no way Bella could have prepared for the way she felt when the door was opened. With the quiet sweep of the glass panes went Bella's confidence. Had she had any to begin with? Perhaps confidence hadn't been the right word. She didn't need confidence to go back to this location. She needed courage. Without Edward, courage seemed like a moot point. Her whole life did. It was like a sentence that was sliced in the middle. The words didn't make sense unless a conclusion was given. But that phrase would never be complete and nothing aside from reuniting with Edward would allow that. Since such was an impossibility, so was moving on.

Of all people who could have opened the door, it had to have been Rosalie. At least it was one thing that had remained constant. Rose would have done the very same thing a few months ago when everything seemed to have been perfect. Alice would have already opened the door before Bella could knock and enveloped her in a hug, chattering on about the latest outfit she wanted her to try on. That thought almost hurt as badly as thinking about Edward. Because Bella didn't only just lose him, but she lost the closest thing to a sister she'd ever had, not to mention one of her dearest friends. Alice had always been on her side. Alice had always been rooting from her, even from the beginning. Rosalie was never doing anything of the sort and from the way she scoffed and stormed away upon seeing her, it seemed there was no sympathy for her in the blonde's eyes.

And why should there be? This was all Bella's fault. It all went back to that not-so-brilliant idea of jumping off that cliff in La Push. Absence from Edward had made her so desperate and reckless that she risked her life just for the chance to hear his voice again, to picture him like crystal clear glass in her head once more. Her brilliant planned had work, although not in any sort of manner in which she would have predicted. It brought the two of them together only to ultimately tear them apart at the hands of the Volturi members. Aro was merciless, cruel. That was the only reason Bella was sure she survived – because of the fact that Aro realized it would be more painful for her to endure a human life without her Edward or Alice as opposed to killing her too.

He had been right.

When Carlisle came to the door, Bella froze. It was as if she were seeing a ghost in his otherwise dark eyes. They were on the verge of dark gold and she could tell that meant it had been a few days since he'd hunted. But it wasn't the color that was off. It was something else. They looked hollow. _He_ looked hollow. Like someone who had just lost a child. Or two.

"I'm… I'm sorry I didn't call first," she said. She was aware that her voice was shaky. It didn't even sound like it belonged to her anymore.

Composing himself enough to invite her in, Carlisle shook his head and opened the door.

"No need to apologize, Bella. Come in."

With one step inside, the fragile girl felt the all too familiar prang of hurt that stabbed at her heart, or what was left of it. She tried not to show it and didn't dare allow herself to grow teary. In the time since Edward's death, she had perfected the art of grieving in solitude. Even though she merely seemed distant and observing while in the presence of others, she more than made up for it the moment she was alone and Bella was left to unleash her heartache. In front of Carlisle now, however, she was stoic.

"I heard about the… happenings in Seattle," she said. "More of them." She couldn't bring herself to say 'killings' or 'deaths'. "It didn't feel right to be anywhere else," she confessed. "Not if things are getting worse. And Charlie…" she drifted off. Partly it was on account of the fact that another had joined their party.

"And Charlie is well, Bella," came Esme's soft voice. The Cullen matriarch wasted no time in embracing Bella. "We've missed you."

Somehow Bella's heart managed to break all over again.

* * *

It wasn't Bella's voice, the acknowledgement of her from the others, or even her scent that told Jasper it was her. It was her guilt, her grief, her sorrow. He felt it before she even got out of the car as it ran incredibly deep within her. He knew it was her, because those feelings reflected his own almost identically. At once, his own guilt amplified. Jasper felt solely responsible for what had happened. To him, he was the one to blame for the deaths of Edward and Alice. After all, it was he who lunged at Bella and set everything into motion. He thought she must hate him. He didn't feel that emotion coming from her, but he knew that she was feeling devastated above everything else. The hate might come later, or it was just overpowered by the grief for the time being. Regardless, he wasn't about to rush up to Bella and hug her.

He knew that Esme wanted Bella to stay with them. He also knew that she wanted Bella and himself to confide in each other. While it was true that Bella was indeed the only person who might be able to understand his pain, his guilt towards her was so beyond any guilt he'd ever felt before that he couldn't even bring himself to say her name. If he couldn't do that, then how was he supposed to speak with her about his innermost feelings? Jasper also didn't want to dump his sorrows onto her. He couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for Bella that day. He himself refused to even think about it, so he couldn't fathom how she must feel having to relive it often in her grieving.

He couldn't remember when he'd last seen Bella. He knew she was at the funeral, but Jasper had been an empty vessel that day. At the Memorial service, there had been some concern about his level of control. The family had been very nervous for him to attend, fearing he might lose control of himself through his grief and kill any human he could reach. When Carlisle approached the subject, all Jasper had responded with, again, was "So what?" If he slaughtered a group of humans, surely the Volturi would come kill him, too. But his control had not wavered once during the service. Jasper had numbed himself by then. The whole thing was a sham; Alice and Edward had not died from a hiking accident. Truthfully, when the excuse was shared with him beforehand, Jasper had scoffed. Alice was better at exaggerating details to false stories than that. She would've come up with better. It did her and Edward a disservice to claim they'd fallen to their deaths because of a faulty climbing rope. Anyone who knew the truth could attest to that. But Carlisle insisted it was the best way not to draw too much attention. They would've had to have proven a car wreck. Standing there at the service, all Jasper could do was look at the beautiful portrait on display of Alice. Rosalie, thankfully, kept everyone at bay from approaching him. His twin had grown extremely protective of him for whatever reason. Jasper didn't understand it, but was thankful at the time. The last thing he wanted was anyone's condolences over a lie. This had been his wife of nearly sixty years, not his high school girlfriend. The fact that the whole thing was a lie was how he kept himself composed. Burying two empty coffins was the most ridiculous part.

It was fortunate that Emmett had dragged Jasper out hunting two days before. His thirst was not unbearable. He would always pose a threat to Bella, but he was more in control of himself right now. At least, in that aspect. He wanted to just stay in the office and not come out, but even in his grief, he was still a gentleman. He couldn't be impolite to a lady. With whatever will he still possessed, Jasper stood from the chair and trudged from the room. Even just walking took effort now. By the time he reached the front room, Emmett had come in to say hello to Bella. His usually grinning big brother was solemn. It seemed out of place for Emmett, but not even he could make light of this tragic situation. Jasper made no move to announce his presence. He just stood off to the side, as he usually did, until Alice would pull him out to where she was the center of attention.

* * *

Out of the Cullens, Jasper was the one that Bella knew she would have the most trouble facing. However selfish it may have seemed, a part of her wished that he would have just stayed in his room or wherever he'd been. How was she supposed to face someone whose mate she felt responsible for killing? Alice's blood (figuratively of course) was on her hands as far as Bella was concerned. Alice was to Jasper what Edward was to Bella. It was an indescribable love that was obvious to any onlooker who saw the pair of them together. They seemed as if they were complete opposites and yet, they complemented one another like puzzle pieces. And because of what happened in Volterra, Jasper was left with edges that would never fit with someone else's.

Not only had he lost a mate, but a brother as well. Edward had told Bella before that of his brothers, he felt he shared a closer bond with Jasper. She imagined it worked both ways and thus, the loss the blonde boy would feel was doubled. Again, at Bella's hand. At the funeral, Esme had expressed to Bella as well that she thought it would be good for her and Jasper to speak because of the similarities in what they were feeling. But at the time, the brunette was still in shock and paralyzed with both guilt and heartbreak that she couldn't manage to speak to anyone, especially about what had actually taken place back in Italy.

For those reasons, Bella willed herself to perk up. With Jasper's ability, she understood that whatever she was feeling, he would feel as well and she already knew how down he was. She didn't need a special talent for that. The last thing she wanted to do was overwhelm a person she was… _afraid _of. Even though he lunged at her earlier in the year, Bella had never feared Jasper – not for what he was or the fact that he struggled containing his thirst at times around her. But now he scared her. Because in him, she saw reflected exactly how she felt and since Edward's death, she hadn't been able to fully face the truth.

Instead, she focused on the other members of the family. Emmett didn't seem like himself – and why would he be? But he didn't seem displeased to see her like Rosalie had. Turning her attention to Carlisle and Esme once more, she swallowed.

"What can I do?" she asked.

She owed it to them to do whatever she could – however little a human _could_ do – to ensure the safety of not only Charlie, but to the Cullens as well. To her, they were still family. Albeit, a family that was still suffering.

* * *

Jasper had grown accustomed to turning out certain emotions, or ignoring certain people so that his mood would not reflect that of a complete stranger. Usually he kept tabs on his family, though he would never tamper with their moods or emotions unless asked. He did not want to pry into Bella's state of emotion, but she was someone he consistently had tapped into in order to know what he needed to look out for. If, for instance, she was feeling anxious and her heart rate sped up, that was something he needed to know so that he could drown out the rapid thumping of her heart with other thoughts and not be pulled in by the temptation to make it stop beating. That was why he was reading her now. What he felt was her fear.

It startled him and he visibly flinched. Bella, though she probably should have, had not ever expressed fear in the presence of the Cullens. Even with him, she'd always been kind. To finally feel that fear for what he believed it to be was shocking. Plenty of people, humans and vampires alike, were intimidated, afraid of, and even threatened by him, but to feel it from Bella actually stunned him.

It brought with it overwhelming guilt. Of course she was afraid of him. He'd lunged at her, violently snapping his teeth, ready to drain all the blood from her body to satiate his burning thirst. He couldn't blame her for that. Jasper had never felt more like a monster than he had on that day. It was something he still had not come to terms with, but until just then, it had been placed on the back burner due to the tragedy that had struck the family in recent weeks. He'd come face to face with it again and it was suddenly even more difficult for him to stand there in her presence. Jasper kept his hands clasped behind his back and looked on though he wanted nothing more than to leave.

Carlisle, unaware of his son's sudden realization, was trying to figure out what exactly they should do with Bella being back in town. She was certainly more at risk being that she wasn't across the country. If this was Victoria, like they suspected, then it was entirely possible that she could pick up on Bella's scent and come back.

"For now, we're still trying to figure out what we're dealing with." For so many years, they'd relied on Alice's visions in times of danger. They were flying blindly now with only their suspicions and educated guesses to guide them.

"I assume you're staying with Charlie? I do want you to know that you have a place here always, Bella. And.. if things take a violent turn, if the attacks get too close, we might ask that you take us up on that."

* * *

If Bella could only know where Jasper thought the source of her fear was coming from, it would have doubled her own guilt. The reasons she feared him had nothing to do with what had happened on her birthday. Bella more than understood that he could not help himself, that it was in his nature to want her blood, and that he felt awful about it. Enough so to leave... and take the rest of the family with him. But Bella had never blamed him for a second and she maintained that still today. It was because she only thought of pain when she looked at him as a result of the death of his mate and brother. The thought of her fear by other means didn't even cross her mind currently. Instead, she concentrated on Carlisle and his words.

She froze when the good doctor mentioned that there was a possibility that she would be asked to come and stay with the family. How could they expect her to do that? She could only imagine how awful things would be if it came down to that. Rosalie (whom she had heard scoffing all the way upstairs upon Carlisle's invitation) would surely promptly move out and take Emmett right her. It would be Bella's responsibility that the family was broken apart, even more so than they already were. Aside from that, the guilt and fear she felt around Jasper would surely have consumed her to the point of insanity. Half the time, Bella already felt as if she were going out of her mind with her mixed emotions, but surely that would have set her over the edge.

And of course, there was the issue about where she would actually stay. In Edward's room? There was no way she was ready to even step foot in there with the constant reminders of him. It was bad enough that in her room at Charlie's, she could see Edward at every turn or corner. Sleeping, for this reason, had been completely impossible and she had a feeling it would be like that for quite some time. It had been especially cruel that when Edward left, he'd taken every piece of him with him, literally erasing him from her life as much as he could.

Both nothing could erase memories.

"But what about Charlie?" she pointed out, using this as a very valid excuse,. "I couldn't just leave him," she said honestly.

How could she be all right knowing that while she was safe with the Cullens, Charlie was still at home, innocent and unsuspecting to this part of the world altogether. It made her stomach feel queasy to know that he was so oblivious to it all. It didn't help matters that he was determined, as the chief of police in Forks, to investigate why these deaths were occurring. Especially since they began to get closer and closer to home and continued to grow in number.

* * *

Jasper wasn't sure what he would do if Bella was to stay in the home with them. He knew she would be uncomfortable with him there, as it was evident that she was afraid of him just standing there now. If she did end up staying at the house for an extended period of time, he'd use the excuse he was going patrolling or to investigate nearby areas in order to stay out of the house. It'd probably be good for everyone if he did that anyway; they wouldn't be subjected to his mood swings and depression.

He couldn't bring himself to look directly at Bella. He'd been debating whether he should, but as soon as he felt her fear he quickly decided not to. He didn't want to make it worse. Jasper wasn't even sure how much longer he could stand there. He was starting to get overwhelmed; the depression was beginning to envelope him again and he wanted to grieve for his lost wife again, his Alice, his hope. The sadness sometimes crept up on him like that; with all the emotions of everyone else fluctuating, sometimes his own feelings went unrealized until they were so strong that they caught him off guard. That was how he was feeling now. Sorrow, in its most raw form, began chipping away at what was left of his broken heart. He let his gaze drop to the floor.

"Excuse me," he said quietly. "I'm sorry, I..." he looked up, almost pleadingly at Esme, who nodding in understanding to her fragile son. Jasper took that as an "it's okay" and nodded back, then went back into Carlisle's study.

Carlisle watched him go with sad eyes. He would make no apologies for Jasper, as he knew his son was grieving. He turned back to Bella then to address the situation.

"Charlie is, of course, a priority. We've been keeping an eye on him and will continue to do so. We won't make you stay with us Bella, we just want you safe. If you decide you'd like to, the offer will stand." He placed his hand on her shoulder. "It is very good to see you."

* * *

It was incredibly hard to swallow when Jasper left.

Who would be next? Emmett? Esme? Carlisle? Rosalie obviously couldn't stand to be in the same room as her and now Jasper?

Bella, more than ever since she'd first stepped foot in the town of Forks again, was beginning to think she'd made a grave mistake in coming back. What could she have done in any case? Protect her family herself? She was weak, useless. Part of that family involved the Cullens and since one third of them was gone altogether by her hand and another third couldn't even stand to look at her, what could she possibly do? Silly Bella.

A lump had formed in her throat that would remain for quite sometime after Jasper made his exit. She watched his retreating back and stared after it until it was invisible to her sight. The sad eyes she faced when she met Carlisle's gaze again was enough to solidify how awful she felt.

"Thank you," she said in response to his assurances about Charlie.

Her voice didn't sound as strong as she would have hoped for it to sound. Nodding, she didn't say anything more about the offer to stay. If she didn't have enough reasons not to before, the fact that she was driving people away just by breathing was enough to drive that point home. More than that, it was enough to make her wish for a hasty exit. Why hadn't she just called? What did going to the house accomplish when Carlisle could have simply told her these things through a wire? That would have been the smart thing to do, the much easier thing.

Silly Bella.

"I told him I would be back soon. He'll be worried," she said.

But her excuse was as weak as her voice and she was sure that it, just like her brave facade, would be seen through. Esme, again, approached her with a hug. And though Bella responded, she wished they wouldn't keep showing her such kindness. In fact, a part of her wished they would turn away from her like Rosalie did and now, Jasper as well.

"Please come back and see us, Bella," she said in her ear.

Bella could only nod again. Perhaps she should have said something more, but instead, she turned in case that lump in her throat would have gotten to the point where she couldn't hold back tears anymore. It wouldn't be until she was halfway between the Cullen's and Charlie's that such a thing occurred.


	2. Chapter 2

_Now, the cold wind_  
_blows out my candles._  
_Feeling only fear,_  
_without any hope ;;_

It was the first time Jasper had ever been to Bella's house. He knew where it was, of course, and the rest of the family had gone over several times before Bella's return in order to keep an eye on her father, but Jasper had stayed away intentionally. They'd continued going now that Bella was back, but Jasper still stayed at home. The others claimed that they understood and not questioned it at all. Jasper knew better. They didn't really understand. They were under the impression that he wasn't going because he was grieving too much, and being near Bella was too much of a reminder of what happened. While that was somewhat true, there was another reason that had really kept him from going. Bella was afraid of him. He'd felt it clear as day when she came to the house. He didn't want to make it worse by being the one who stayed outside her house at night, especially if she saw him. That didn't mean he had no intention of helping Bella, but he didn't want to make a bad situation worse.

That was why he was so conflicted when he heard her message on the answering machine.

The others had gone hunting. Jasper's hunting schedule was not the same as the rest of the family's anymore. He went sporadically and only when he absolutely had to, which had been two days prior. He never answered the phone, so it was nothing new when he let the machine pick up that day. What wasn't expected, was that the caller was Bella. She'd left a frantic message about someone having been in her room. Jasper had been very torn with what to do at first. The others weren't going to be back until sometime the following day, which only left him to go assess what the situation was. If it was something serious, then leaving her unattended could be dangerous. Jasper had attempted to reach Carlisle, but the family must have been somewhere out of range for his cell phone. With no alternative, Jasper had gotten into his car and driven to Bella's house.

Jasper's car was foreign on her street and most in general. It was very rare that he drove it. As expensive and conspicuous as most of the Cullen automobiles were, Jasper's was no different. It was a black 1956 Jaguar XK 120 roadster; a convertible, no less. Fortunately it wasn't raining and the weather wasn't freezing, so it didn't appear too strange for him to be out driving it, though it was typically just for show and special occasions. He was sitting in it currently, around the corner from Bella's house. He had no intention of parking in front of it should Charlie come home and question the strange car being there, or one of her neighbors seeing it and telling the chief of police about it later. It was... a bit of a struggle for him to get out of the car. He didn't want to scare Bella even more by being there with her, but he also didn't want her to be alone if there was a threat lurking nearby. There was a chance that it was related to the murders in Seattle, and there was also the possibility that it was a completely unrelated incident. Either way, it needed to be checked out. That was why he got out of the car.

He planned on just examining the room and then waiting outside, out of her sight, until someone else could come to take his place. He'd continue to try to reach Carlisle so they would know to come to Bella's as soon as possible. That was the plan and he hoped they would come soon for both his sake and Bella's. It would've been easiest for him to just go to her window and enter her room that way, but he didn't want to frighten her even more by showing up unannounced in what was probably the same manner that her room was invaded. He knew that Edward liked to use the window, too. So Jasper opted for the front door. It wasn't easy, but somehow he managed to ring the doorbell and knock twice. It wouldn't be a fair warning. Surely she'd expect Carlisle or Esme, Emmett, or even Rosalie to show up before him. He knew that, and felt guilty for undoubtedly shocking her with his presence. But there was nothing he could do about it now, except wait for her to answer the door.

* * *

It wasn't unlikely for Bella to see things that weren't there or dream up things that didn't _really _happen. Since the incident in Volterra, it had become more frequent. But that afternoon when she went up to her room to collect the laundry, things were amiss. The clothes that had been carelessly left on her desk chair or the few pieces strewn on the floor were missing. Charlie couldn't have done it. He was in Seattle for the night to see if he could gain any more insight about the murders. Bella hadn't wanted him to go, but she figured he would be safer there than he probably would have been here. After all, she knew something wasn't right about the string of deaths. But that didn't put her at any ease when she realized her room had been tampered with. If her missing clothing hadn't been enough, the open window was what sold her. She knew, for a fact, that it had been closed when she went downstairs that morning. She never left it open anymore. There was no need.

Disregarding the laundry basket, she pulled out her cell phone and dialed the first number she could think of. But Esme's voice came on the machine and Bella was forced to leave a message. It may have been a bit too panicked, but there was something about this whole situation that didn't sit well with the brunette. She had a bad feeling to say the very least. She didn't know where they were or when they would return and so when a knock had sounded at the door, she nearly jumped out of her skin, especially when it was paired with the doorbell. Looking around the hallway, she crept toward the door slowly, seizing the only weapon within reach – an umbrella.

Right. Because that would have done the job when dealing with a predator.

But thankfully, her weapon of choice wouldn't be needed. Opening the door, she gasped when she saw Jasper. But it was one of instant relief.

"Jasper?" she questioned, not having expecting him.

Even if he'd gotten the message somehow, she hadn't seen him since the last time she'd been at the Cullen's home and that hadn't gone so well. Though she had feared him for the pain she caused him then, she couldn't think of that now. All she could do was to inwardly say a prayer that he was there at the moment. And that Charlie wasn't.

"Did you get my message?" she asked. "Someone was here," she said, beginning to string sentences together quickly and not giving him a chance to respond. She often had this habit when she was nervous and whatever had occurred in her room, while she was _in_ the house no less, had worked on her nerves for certain.

"I don't know when. I was here the whole time. Just downstairs. But my clothes…. They're missing. And the window is open. I _never_ leave the window open. Charlie is in Seattle and won't be home until tomorrow. I know it couldn't have been him. But no one could have broken in downstairs or I would have heard them and nothing is missing of value," she said, taking a breath. Her eyes were wide as she looked up at him, explaining.

* * *

Jasper wasn't sure what to expect when the door opened. He thought she'd probably be startled to see him; his presence typically had that effect on people. He was preparing himself to be hit with that overwhelming sense of fear that he'd felt when he last saw her, but it didn't surface when he saw her. He could tell she was afraid, but the fear wasn't directed at him specifically. No doubt her anxiety over the situation was the cause for that. Still, he thought surely there would be hesitation before she spoke to him or even acknowledged him. Again, it must have been the anxiety.

It was a good thing that he was typically a man of few words. That could be argued, as there were times when he was quite talkative, but in most situations he preferred to stay quiet. This was one of those situations. Bella was doing most of the talking for him, it seemed. Mostly she was repeating what he'd heard on the answering machine in the same slightly panicked way. There was some additional information though, like the fact that some of her clothes were _missing_. That was concerning. Nothing of real value was gone; nothing of value to a human, anyway. He'd already had his suspicions, but now he was almost positive that the intruder was a vampire. There was still speculation as to whether it was an isolated incident or not, but he thought maybe he'd have a better idea of that after he saw her room.

He found it was easier to be there in her presence than he thought it would be. Jasper attributed it to having a task to focus on, but he didn't think that was entirely true. He felt the usual burn in his throat and the thumping of her heart, slightly accelerated from her anxiousness, pounded in his ears. It was painful but it was something he'd expected. He had _not _expected the emotional ease.

"May I have permission to look in your room?" He asked after she'd taken a moment to breathe.

He wasn't sure what he'd gain from it; more confirmation to his suspicions, most likely, but there might be something there to provide more of an explanation. Jasper's voice was steady and calm, as he wanted to provide a sense of stability in the situation. Bella was obviously quite shaken by this and with good reason. He knew it would do no good for him to appear nervous. He'd been tempted to calm her with his power, but refrained for now. She had every right to be upset.

* * *

It was a wonder that Bella didn't throw her arms around him when she saw him for how relieved she felt that someone was there. She never minded being alone. In fact these days, she preferred it. It left her father torn. Part of him never wanted to let her out of his sight for fear that she would do something drastic in her extreme grief and yet, another part of him wanted to stay away because it was difficult to watch his daughter go through something like this. He'd seen something like it earlier that year when the Cullen's left unexpectedly. But this was permanent. Two of them, including the one Bella had been in love with, would never be returning. It was a painful thing for a father to endure for his daughter.

For that reason, he'd be hesitant to leave her for the night to go to Seattle. But it was partially because of Bella that he was so determined to gain some insight as to what was going on with these killings. They were getting closer to Forks every week now it seemed and the chief of police wasn't about to stand for it. Now, Bella felt lucky that Charlie was gone for the night. What would have happened if he would have been there?

When Jasper asked if he could see her room, she nodded. She noted how calm he seemed to be, enough so that he still maintained utter politeness when he questioned her – and suddenly felt very foolish for having panicked in the manner she did. It was warranted, certainly. But she was quite sure she could have kept her head on a little straighter instead of drilling him with information the second he came into sight. After all, they weren't exactly on easy terms with one another after the last time she'd seen him. That much had been apparent in the way he made such a speedy exit. Still, it didn't change the fact that it was Jasper who'd come to check things out when Bella called and that gave her hope.

Opening the door, she stepped back to allow him in before leading him through the house. Moving up the stairs, she stopped in front of her bedroom door which was still open.

"It's this one," she said, stepping in before him. "I had clothes there," she said, pointing to the desk chair. "And there." Another motion to the floor. "Why would someone want to take my _clothes_?" It didn't make any sense to her.

* * *

It was good to be reassured that Charlie wouldn't be back until the following day sometime. Jasper didn't want to have to come up with a reason for him being there, especially if Chief Swan came home while he was inspecting Bella's room. It would have been no trouble at all for Alice; she could come up with an excuse for anything, not to mention her being a girl would have taken quite a bit of the pressure off. Alice could... Jasper stopped his train of thought. He couldn't allow himself to think about his mate if he wanted to get through this without falling apart. The fact was, Charlie not being there made things easier at the moment. The only downside was that he was in Seattle where the bulk of the attacks were.

Of course he'd never been inside this house before. He wasn't sure he'd ever been inside a human's house before, truthfully. Immediately, he was flooded with Bella's scent and what he assumed was Charlie's. It was a bit overwhelming, but if he could endure school everyday, surrounded by multiple humans at once, he thought he'd be able to handle being in a house occupied by two people. He took note of the layout of each room he passed. It was part of his strategic mindset; if someone was sneaking into the house, he wanted to know where he or she could possibly lurk.

Jasper followed Bella into her bedroom and took in the room all at once, then turned to study each section of the room in increments. He breathed in, and though it wasn't overly potent, he could smell the scent of vampire in the room. He said nothing at first but moved to where she indicated that the missing clothing had been and sniffed discretely. Obviously whoever it was had used the window, so he didn't bother checking it. This was very disturbing to say the least. Whoever had come in had no reservations about being there. Jasper didn't think it was a newborn though, because there was no way a newborn would be able to pass up feasting on a human that was right downstairs.

"To get your scent," he replied, still speaking calmly.

He didn't think it was necessary to sugar coat or try to hide the facts from her. She deserved to know the truth as far as he was concerned, no matter how frightening it might be. "Though I can't understand why."

He frowned and moved to the window finally, looking to see where would be the best place to keep an eye on it from the outside. They couldn't leave her house unattended ever again.

* * *

Bella would have been lying if she said that she didn't think it could have been a vampire in her room. Or else something not of this human world. She was naïve and certainly wasn't daft enough to think that a random burglar did this. But a very small, almost child-like part of her was hoping there was some sort of other explanation. Perhaps she put too much pressure on Jasper, but she was expecting him to have some sort of wonderfully easy excuse for all of this. In her mind, she could easily dream up other scenarios – maybe Rose was disgusted with the way she looked and took her clothes so she would have to get new ones. Right. Bella could dream things would be that insignificant and miniscule.

But Jasper's explanation woke her up from any hope of things being easy.

"My scent?" she asked, her brow furrowing slightly. "But… why would they want my scent if I was just right downstairs?" she asked, puzzled by this. It didn't make sense that a vampire would creep into her room, take her clothes, and then leave. Why wouldn't they just kill her right then and there? She was alone. They had to have smelled her. Why wouldn't they have just taken the opportunity and ended it?

"They could have just…" she shook her head without finishing her statement. She figured he already knew what she would have said.

Sighing, she took another look around her room before coming to stand beside him by the window. Peering outside, she noted it was getting darker. To her, it was impossible to see anything. Someone could have been watching them right now and Bella would be blind to it all. She wouldn't be able to sense them, smell them. Neither would Charlie. Thinking about this made her miss Edward. With him, she never had to worry. He was always there, right beside her. Or at least, he always had been until he left. In fairness, nothing harmful happened to her then. Nobody had come stalking her room or nicking her clothing. But Bella had been so miserable with him gone that she didn't notice anything aside from the way her chest burned without him and the empty hole that never seemed to fill.

Of course she still felt like that. A hundred times worse. But there was something different now. It was permanent. It was what it felt like to live without hope. She'd seen everything with her own eyes and knew there was no chance that he was coming back. Perhaps that's why she was more in tune with her surroundings, protecting her household and the ones she loved. It was the only reason she could think of. But the word 'coping' wouldn't be one that sat easily with her.

"Was it Victoria?" she asked, looking back up at the blonde.

* * *

He was trying to think of the answers to all of those questions, but nothing seemed to strike him as an answer he wanted to give her. Nothing really fit. He needed some time to process this, maybe even try to track the scent. It wouldn't be easy; he wasn't a trained tracker, but part of it was just natural instinct. The problem was that he couldn't leave Bella unguarded. There was a chance that he'd follow the wrong trail and the vampire might come back. This wouldn't be a problem when the others came back, but Jasper feared that by then, the trail would be cold. He needed them there. He could at least bounce ideas off Carlisle and Esme would be better at comforting Bella than him.

"I don't know," he said, in response to all of her questions. "Victoria was the first that came to mind, but... I don't know why she would only take your clothes. Especially with you in the house. I don't know what her motives would be. Then again, I don't know any vampire that would come into a human's house to steal clothes, unless they'd just fed and needed some new attire. I'm... honestly hoping that's all it was, but I think it would be a mistake to disregard this. I can't rule out a connection between this and what's going on in Seattle either."

Jasper chanced looking down at her and met her eyes briefly before looking away. It was hard for him to hold eye contact with anyone anymore.

"I'm going to need to talk to Carlisle about this. Your house won't be left unguarded anymore, though. No one will get into your room again. I know that doesn't take away from what happened, but it won't be repeated." He realized this was probably the most he'd ever spoken to Bella. The closest to it was when they were running from James.

"Do you want to stay here tonight or would you feel safer at the house? The others are hunting, but I'll keep trying to reach them."

* * *

He wasn't the only one who noted that it had been the most conversation the two of them ever held. While Bella had never talked much to Jasper, she certainly said more than the blonde ever had to her. But now he was actually discussing the situation with her as well as her options for what to do next. She wished he would have had more answers to her questions, but she didn't blame him for not doing so. This was an unexpected situation and obviously one that neither of them had been prepared for. Otherwise, the rest of the Cullen clan wouldn't have gone hunting for the night and left Jasper to be the only one around when Bella was in need of a safeguard.

She liked his explanation about one of the vampires coming because they needed human clothes. It was a lot easier to swallow than were some of the other things that could have been a motive. Still, he assured her they couldn't rule other possibilities out and with a sigh, Bella nodded her head in agreement. When he met her eyes, there was a flicker of fear once more - only because she swore she could see guilt reflected there. His coloring was dark, signifying that he hadn't fed in awhile. But Esme had mentioned to her that he was avoiding it as much as possible and thus, it wasn't too big of a surprise for Bella.

Her eyes went back to the window when Jasper averted his quickly.

"Thank you," she said when he promised that no one would be able to repeat the same offense that someone had done earlier that afternoon. It was a relief to hear, despite the fact that she was still creeped out by it. Upon his question, Bella had to take a moment to think it over. On one hand, she could stay in a potentially dangerous house that had just been broken into not more than a few hours before. On the other hand, she could flee the house for the night and take solace at the Cullen's. But the sad memories that she knew she would be faced with there weren't ones she could bring herself to terms with. Not yet.

"I'd rather stay here," she said after a minute or so. She didn't offer an explanation further than that. Her guilt was beginning to return. "But... you don't have to," she said. "I know it's... hard for you, Jasper," she said. "I'm sorry." There were reasons why he had been the only one who'd never kept guard outside of her house. As far as she was aware anyway. And Bella didn't want to make him any more uncomfortable than she knew her presence already did.

"I'm really... sorry," she said again, turning to face him once more.

* * *

Jasper truly couldn't blame her for not wanting to go back to the Cullen house. If he had an alternative, he'd probably take it too. He cared deeply for his family, but, being in that house was really hard for him pretty much all of the time. Sometimes he'd think he was getting better, but then the grief would come back all over again and he'd fall into a terrible state of despair. There was nowhere else for him to go though, and he knew leaving would just crush Esme's heart. He couldn't bring himself to do that.

He didn't mind guarding her house. There were reasons why he hadn't, of course, but it wasn't because it was a burden or anything in that regard. It wasn't even because of his thirst. Jasper just feared that his presence would make her uncomfortable. The obvious reason for that was because of Edward and Alice. He had those same reservations. Bella was the only one who knew what really happened to his brother and his wife and he couldn't imagine how traumatic it must have been for her. He wanted to know. At least, he thought he did, but he didn't know how to ask her without upsetting her.

The other obvious reason? He'd lunged at her and tried to kill her. Him being in the same vicinity as her just didn't seem like a good idea.

Her thanking him and then addressing the fact that it was difficult for him to be there, followed by an apology all made him suddenly very self-aware. He'd been so focused on the issue at hand, the invasion of her room, that he'd pushed everything else to the back of his mind. It was how he was able to function without completely falling apart. Her consideration for his well-being and his feelings caused his train of thought to derail completely. What was she apologizing for? He could feel the guilt coming from her, but he didn't understand why. Was she feeling responsible for something that wasn't her fault? Was she sorry for Alice's sake? Was she sorry because she knew of his thirst? He didn't know, and he didn't want to insult her by asking what she meant, so he stayed quiet at first and continued to look outside.

"You don't owe me any apologies, Bella," he said quietly. "I know I wouldn't be your first choice to guard your home. I'll keep trying to reach the others, and, just stay until one of them can get here. You won't even notice me, I promise. I just wouldn't feel right about leaving." He knew she was looking at him, and he wanted to turn and look at her too, but he just couldn't. He was feeling ashamed again, for what he'd done to her.

* * *

Though the idea had struck her when he appeared at the door and even afterward when they were standing in her room discussing what could have happened that afternoon, it didn't really strike Bella until she looked up at Jasper again what it meant for him to actually be there. She was the last one to see his wife and his brother alive. She was the _only _one to know what really happened in Italy. And she held herself as solely responsible for all of it. Certainly, everyone else saw it that way too. If she hadn't been so foolish, a trip to Italy never would have occurred. Jasper would be out with Alice and the rest of the family hunting while Edward stayed with Bella and kept her close to him at all times.

Instead, the pair of them were together in somewhat of a very awkward situation. But despite discomfort, Bella admired Jasper for his bravery. Perhaps he wouldn't have seen it that way - brave wasn't the first word that came to mind when people described vampires. Usually, they didn't need to be brave, _They _were the feared creatures, not the other way around. But there were worse demons and crueler monsters and they came with the death of a loved one. Jasper, in order to look after Bella now when he answered her frantic called, had to face his straight in the eye. That took courage and whether or not he would choose to believe it, the girl couldn't let it go completely unnoticed.

"You can say what you like, Jasper, and tell me not to apologize, but I'm going to," she said, somewhat firmly. "But I... do want you to understand that I appreciate you staying more than you know." The last part of her statement was softer, almost with a hint of defeat.

In a way, Bella _was_ defeated. She was a mature person, one who didn't like to admit she could be extremely fearful and weak at times. But the truth was, that despite the worlds she'd mixed herself up in unintentionally, Bella was still very much a human girl. Only human. She couldn't help but to grow afraid at times, especially when part of the solution was unknown. This was one of those times. Though she wouldn't admit it out loud explicitly, she didn't want to be alone. She was afraid to be that night.

* * *

Jasper would have laughed bitterly if he'd known Bella thought him to be brave. Any trait in regards to strength he felt need not apply to him. It was his weakness, his lack of control that all of this had happened. Bella may have thought her actions were reckless, and maybe they were, but it was Jasper's weakness that had set everything into motion. It was his actions that ultimately resulted in the deaths of his brother and mate. As far as he knew, Bella was still afraid of him and he felt she was right to be. She _should _be afraid. He was a monster, a killer, unpredictable and blood thirsty. It hurt him to think that way, to truly believe he should be feared even by someone he cared about, but for her sake it was better that way.

He didn't want to focus on his own worries right now, though. As much as he tended to stoop into his depression and brood for hours, even days at a time, there was a bigger picture here. Jasper needed to regain his focus for the time being and worry about the situation at hand while he was the one guarding Bella. Getting distracted with his grief wasn't an option at this time. He had to protect her now. He could grieve again later. It wasn't as if he didn't have the _time_.

Her words reached him, but Jasper said nothing at first. His initial instinct told him that she probably felt she had to say something like that just to be nice. He could feel that she was being genuine however, and that confused him. Maybe, she was just glad he was there because it meant someone was looking out for her, watching the for the danger that she wouldn't be able to see or stop. That was understandable. Bella had fallen victim to a situation she couldn't truly function in. Her whole existence had been altered and her world uprooted when she met Edward. Jasper could understand. His world had been altered several times over the last one hundred and sixty three years. He could imagine that she was probably feeling very alone in all of this. Even if Edward had been there, he wouldn't be able to understand, truly, what she was going through. He imagined it had to be very lonely for Bella, and very frightening.

"It's not an inconvenience," he said. "I'm.. relieved to be of some use. I'll need to walk the perimeter of your property and acquaint myself with it a little more intimately. Then I'll situate myself accordingly. Like I said, you won't even know I'm there, so.. you can go about your night as you would."

* * *

When Jasper had gone, Bella took a few minutes to collect herself. Closing her eyes, she sat on her bed and tried to breathe normally, but she couldn't deny that she was still feeling extremely anxious. Whereas she hadn't been lying when she said she took comfort in Jasper being close by, she still couldn't help but worry. If Victoria returned, what would that mean? Jasper was one in the Cullen family who seemed to be well-versed when it came to fighting as it was once mentioned to her before, but he was on his own. What if something happened to him and he wasn't able to defend himself? Bella would have been completely useless and since it didn't seem like he'd gotten a hold of his other family members, there was a chance that things could end badly. After all, Bella didn't know how good of a fighter he was exactly or how much experience he had, especially when he wasn't flanked by others. She did know that he hadn't been brought up in the same way that the others were by Carlisle. Would that be an advantage or a disadvantage? She couldn't be sure, but what she _was _sure of was that it wouldn't be promising if he was caught off guard while guarding her house alone and unable to reach any of the other Cullen's.

It was a wonder that she managed to fall asleep so easily that night. Bella thought for sure that she would struggle with doing so considering the events earlier that evening. But for some reason, she was out very soon after her head hit the pillow. That was the way she preferred things, but it was a luxury she was not often granted. Since Jasper had gone to survey the perimeter, she had done what he'd instructed and went about her night as normally as she could. She brushed her teeth and dressed in the bathroom and when she returned, it was too dark outside for her to see anything at all. It was a mystery whether or not he was there as far as actually seeing him was concerned, but Bella knew that Jasper wouldn't have left without telling her.

Even though she fell asleep easily, there was an obvious downside. It only meant that the nightmares would come that much sooner. The theory was proven when not long after she was in a deep slumber, images of Volterra pieced together in her head. It was always the same characters, the same scenarios in her dreams – never anything promising or pleasant and never anything that left her feeling happy when she woke the next morning. It wasn't out of the ordinary for her to awake with wet cheeks or screaming. Charlie never even bothered to come check on her anymore. It had become such a frequent practice that he gave up. It was difficult for him to endure, but he knew that sadly, there was nothing he could do to erase what his daughter was seeing in her head. This night was no different, but the chief of police wasn't even there to turn over on his side and listen from the other room while Bella got worked up.

It wasn't her dream alone that woke her this night, however. It was a loud clap of thunder that felt as if it shook the house and echoed off the far mountains in the distance. Bella awoke with a fright, shaken from her sleep. Part of her was thankful – in her dream, she hadn't gotten to the worst images yet. But the sudden jolt of sound still scared her. Sitting up, she peered at the window curiously. It was closed now, but rain was pounding against it with angry force behind it. Briefly, a brilliant flash of light struck at the sky and illuminated the tree outside, the branches wavering with the wind.

It was then that Bella remembered Jasper. Pushing back her quilt, she pulled herself out of bed and quickly went to the window, greeted with a shower of rain splattering against the pane when she opened it. Squinting, she peered into the darkness when another clap of thunder sounded.

"Jasper?" she called. Surely he'd gone to take shelter somewhere.

"Jasper?" she called again, a little bit louder. It sounded like her voice had been carried right off with the wind.

* * *

It had been a while since he'd really exercised his surveillance skills. He'd done it a little when they were on the run from James, but that battle had ended faster than he could really put his skills to good use. He'd been feeling very worthless lately, so at least by guarding Bella he felt like he had some purpose. That was a start, anyway.

He'd taken to perching in a tree that overlooked both ends of the street. Jasper wished he had a way to observe both sides of the house, but if the entry point had been Bella's window, this was the best place for him to keep an eye out for danger. He'd been alternating from his current position to another tree in the back of the house, moving back and forth every so often. He preferred the place he was in now though, because it gave him a direct view of Bella's window and most of the area surrounding the house all together. Jasper had, unfortunately, left the property one time. When the rain started to fall, he went to his car briefly to put the top up, but he was gone and back in the blink of an eye. It hadn't resulted in any danger creeping up without him there, but it wasn't something he planned on doing again.

While waiting, he continued to try to reach his family members with no such luck. It was getting frustrating, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. He didn't want to ruin his phone, so he gave up while it started to pour down. The tree provided little shelter from the pounding rain, but it didn't really bother Jasper. It was more of an annoyance than anything else. He wasn't cold and of course he couldn't get sick, but his curls were matted down against his face and his clothes were all wet. He'd endured worse. After all, all of their baseball games were played during thunderstorms. Jasper tried very hard not to let himself think about how they probably wouldn't be playing much anymore. It just wouldn't be right, would it?

His thoughts were cut off by the sound of Bella's voice piercing the air. Immediately Jasper went into defensive mode. Had something happened? Did she hear a noise, see something he hadn't? He hadn't seen or heard anything suspicious himself, but he knew that even with his heightened senses it was possible he'd missed something. After all, he wasn't at the top of his game. Jasper left the tree he'd been in and immediately climbed into the one outside her window.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He asked, seeing her there. "Did you see something?"

* * *

When he appeared, Bella, again, felt relief she didn't expect to feel. He had to have been close by the whole time otherwise he wouldn't have appeared so quickly when her voice had hardly come out more than a whisper. Or at least, to her ears against the sounds of the storm. If his quick presence alone hadn't been enough of an indication that he hadn't gone far, his appearance certainly clued her in. Instantly, Bella felt bad that he had been outside in this mess. She wasn't naïve enough to think that the cold rain could really affect him, but it was just the idea of him sitting outside and enduring it for her sake. It was something that tugged at her compassion and she wasn't about to let him stay out there. He was doing enough as it was.

From his tone, she realized that calling out to him like that may have made it seem as if there was something wrong. There wasn't of course, unless one counted Jasper being outside with such bad weather. Bella did count that though.

"No, no," she said quickly to assure him. If she was getting wet just standing at the window while still in her room, she could only imagine how soaked through he was. It was obvious in the way his hair clung to his face and his clothes stuck to his body like a second skin. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay," she said. Taking a few steps back to avoid the rain, she motioned for him to follow.

"Come inside. You can't stay out there when it's like this." She sounded very much like a mother just then, reminding her of the ways she would instruct Renee to do something rather than the other way around. When she was little, her mother liked to go outside and do cartwheels in the rain, saying they should 'celebrate' such a rare occurrence in Phoenix. Bella would always refuse and shake her head when her scatterbrained mother danced around in it, but soon would wind up laughing and joining in.

She didn't wait for him to listen before turning her back and leaving the room momentarily. Disappearing into the bathroom, she grabbed a few clean towels and started back for her room. She paused though, when she passed Charlie's door. Thinking for a second, she pushed it opened and rummaged through his drawers. Jasper couldn't continue to wear his own clothes. They were drenched from what she could see, and she wasn't about to make him. Finding a pair of drawstring sweatpants and a dark faded t-shirt, she returned to her room with the dry clothes and towels in tow.

"I brought you some of Charlie's clothes and some towels to dry off," she said, holding them up for her to see. "You can't stay like that." Whether or not he'd chosen to come in upon her instructions or not, she was adamant about this. "You're soaking."

* * *

Jasper wasn't sure what he should say. He didn't think it would be right for him to just go inside for the duration of the storm. He couldn't properly watch her property. Though, there was also the chance that whoever was responsible for the break-in had seen him, and therefore would not be coming. There was also the possibility that if whoever it was came back, Jasper could attack them upon entering the house and take care of the problem. He also wasn't really sure what to make of the situation. He hadn't expected Bella to ask him in; it wasn't that he thought her heartless, to make him stay out in the rain. He just thought she was sleeping. It really, truly wasn't a big deal for him to spend the night in the rain.

Apparently Bella wasn't going to take no for an answer. Before he could even say anything, she'd left the room. It was weird that he felt concern coming from her. He knew Bella was a caring girl, but he thought she couldn't stand him. He thought she was terrified of him; why should she want him to come into her room again? Why should she want to make sure he was out of the rain and in such tight quarters. Jasper didn't have the answers to those questions. All he could do was wonder, and come in out of the rain. He climbed in through the window and had just entered when she came back with some clothes for him.

"Oh, well I..."

He wasn't sure he should take them. The human scent would be overwhelming, wouldn't it? Jasper looked down at his drenched clothes, then back up at the offering. "I'm sorry about the floor, I..." He could feel her determination to get him to take the clothes, and figured it wasn't worth arguing or coming up with an excuse to go back outside.

"Thank you." He carefully took the towel and clothes from her and moved past her towards the bathroom he'd passed on the way to her room before.

The clothes fit a little awkwardly; Jasper wasn't exactly built the same as Chief Swan, but he made it work as best he could. After drying off and dressing himself, he hung his wet clothes over the shower curtain rod, then towel dried his hair. His curls got a bit unruly, but after combing his fingers through them several times they calmed down. He emerged from the bathroom a short time later, having only needed a few minutes to change. He needed to get back to looking out the window to at least start surveying as best he could. Walking back into the room, he found himself feeling a bit awkward all over again.

"I'll stay until the rain calms a little. Then I really should get back outside."

* * *

Bella was glad he listened to her and not only had come inside, but took the dry clothes as well. It eased her guilt slightly of having him be stuck watching over her if he wasn't subjected to the poor weather any more. She could tell he was hesitant though and why wouldn't he be? Now, because she was so insistent, he would be in even closer quarters with a girl that he hated. She could imagine how badly he must have been inwardly kicking himself now for his bad luck at being the only one home when she called earlier on, and especially, because he was getting himself into a lot more than he bargained for. Part of that was the fault of the storm but mainly, it was on account of Bella's stubbornness, a trait that despite everything that had happened to change her in the past couple of months, hadn't wavered.

When he left the room to change – thankfully without creating an awkward moment in the process (she had debated leaving herself to give him privacy) – she turned the light on and closed the bedroom window before using one of the other towels she'd brought from the bathroom to run over the windowsill to dry it. Then she dropped it on the floor and dragged it along with her bare foot to mop up the moisture trail that had followed Jasper to the hallway. It was easy considering the wood floor, but she wanted to make sure it was cleaned before he came back. He seemed to have felt bad about getting it wet from his clothes, but Bella wasn't concerned about it. She didn't want him to be either. It all boiled down to the fact that she was taking steps to make him feel as comfortable as she could. Maybe it was her way of feeling better about forcing him into this trap she'd unintentionally created for him.

It didn't take long for Jasper to change and when he returned, Bella was seated on her bed. Though an awkward moment had been avoided before, it was definitely back for potential now. What was she supposed to do? Just… go back to sleep? Should she stay awake and talk with him? Should she sleep in Charlie's room? The last idea didn't make much sense if he was meant to be watching her of course. But again, Bella was just trying to make him feel comfortable. She almost felt like she would be being rude if she just went right back to sleep. But… what to do in the meantime?

"Er…"

She chewed her lower lip and glanced at the floor as she debated this.

However, when she looked up at him standing there in Charlie's clothes, she couldn't help but to crack a grin. She'd often seen her father in similar things when he wasn't working and wasn't keen on wearing his usual jeans and flannel, but he didn't look like…. _that _in them. Whereas on her dad, they had been somewhat baggy and simple looking, on Jasper they looked like they were tailor made. The fabric fit him more snugly and it was apparent that he and Charlie were completely opposite in physique. Maybe it was the idea of never being able to look at those clothes on Charlie again the same way, maybe it was because the situation was so incredibly awkward, or maybe it was because she was tired, but for whatever reason, Bella started to laugh.

It had been such a long time since she'd actually _laughed_ that it felt foreign to her. But once she started, it was difficult to stop. Covering her mouth with her hand, she giggled again before pulling herself together enough to offer the poor guy an explanation of some sort.

"I'm sorry," she chuckled. "It's just… the clothes." She broke off into another giggle. When it was clear that he was going to think she was a mental case, Bella forced herself to stop. "It's just funny seeing you wear Charlie's clothes," she said, biting back a smile.

* * *

Jasper didn't really know Chief Swan, but from wearing his clothes he had somewhat of an idea about him. He had become very familiar with his scent, for one. He also had come to realize that he had broader shoulders and a good few inches of height on Bella's father. He was glad he didn't have Emmett's physique, else he probably would have ripped the shirt when he put it on. He'd had to do a little careful positioning of the pants so that they came down to his feet rather than far above his ankles, but fortunately the shirt was long enough to allow him that bit of leverage. He had no idea that the clothing looked comical on him, though.

Returning to Bella's room could have potentially been awkward. Jasper wasn't exactly sure what he was supposed to say. He figured he'd just go sit in the window while she slept, or read, or whatever it was she wanted to do. He didn't expect her to talk to him, or really even acknowledge him further. He wouldn't have minded if she did, but as far as he knew she was still afraid of him and her invitation into the house was just because she was genuinely a kind-hearted girl.

Her laughter wasn't something he expected to hear, especially not around him and especially not right now. It was a nice sound, Jasper noted. He wasn't sure he'd ever really heard Bella laugh before. If she had laughed in his presence, he probably had been too busy trying not to kill her to notice. Though, why she was laughing wasn't something he understood until she said it was because of the clothing. Jasper looked himself over briefly. He hadn't really looked in the mirror to see how the clothes looked, though judging from how he'd had to sort of fix them to fit, he could imagine. But, what was he supposed to say to that? He probably would've blushed if he could have.

"I.. I suppose I'm a bit taller," he said, and nudged the floor lightly with his toe. "It's better than being all wet, though."

* * *

It felt good to laugh. Bella felt bad that it was partially at Jasper's expense, but she'd almost forgotten what it felt like to be consumed with something other than grief for once. Laughter was a good substitute. She did feel though, that she owed him a real explanation of why she was laughing. "They don't look bad or anything," she assured him. And they didn't. They looked… Well, Jasper could have walked off from a photo shoot and Bella wouldn't be able to tell the difference. She could bet that clothing companies – even if they were just trying to sell old faded t-shirts like the one of Charlie's she'd given him – would have paid big money to have someone who looked like Jasper modeling them in big ad campaigns. But she couldn't exactly explain all of that to him unless she wanted him to think of her as some sort of freak. Which she knew he already did, surely.

"I didn't mean to offend you," she said sincerely. That was the last thing she wanted to do. "I'm sorry if I did."

She glanced at the floor for a moment before back up at him. It was unfair that as soon as that moment of light-heartedness disappeared, another one of awkwardness took its place all too quickly.

"I guess… I should get some sleep," she said finally.

She decided that it was the easiest way to make it the least uncomfortable for the both of them. If she would have done something else, like read or surfed the internet or something, he still would have been sitting there and not taking to her. That definitely would have made things more awkward in her opinion. But if she was sleeping, he wouldn't feel obligated to somehow engage himself with her further.

Standing again, she took one of the pillows from her bed and handed it to him. "Here," she said. "In case you get uncomfortable sitting," she said. Bella realized, of course, that she probably sounded like an idiot, but again, she attributed it to the fact that she was trying as hard as she could to make this as painless for Jasper as she could. "And there's books there," she pointed. "And the computer if you want to use it." Giving him options seemed like a good idea. "If you want the light on, that's fine too. If you need to see or something," she explained. "I don't mind." She stared at him for a moment longer before feeling nerves creep up her spine which caused her to look away and turn back to her bed.

Crawling underneath the covers, she situated herself and readjusted her remaining pillow before looking up at him again.

"Goodnight," she said. Turning on her side, she faced the window and tucked her hands beneath her cheek. "And Jasper?" she called without moving. "Thanks."

* * *

Jasper wanted to tell her that she hadn't offended him, but that he just hadn't been expecting to hear her laugh at anything. Though, by saying that, he might in turn offend _her_. He certainly didn't want to do that, since he thought she already didn't like him, and knew she was already afraid of him. If he had any idea of what she'd been thinking about his looks, he would have scoffed. She saw the camouflage. He knew he was beautiful to humans, but to other vampires he had a much more frightening appearance. It made his relationship with Alice even more striking to see; a tiny, waif-like ballerina paired with a tall, lanky demon marred with battle scars. It was impossible for Jasper to see himself as anything but that.

Before he could reassure her that he hadn't been offended by her words, however, Bella had gone into accommodating mode. He took the pillow as she handed it to him, though he wasn't sure what he should do with it. He held it as she talked about the computer, the light, books, and then he felt a wave of nerves coming from her suddenly wash over him. It was.. a lot all at once. He blinked a couple of times, then watched her crawl into bed. He found it unnecessary to tell her that he wouldn't need the light to see anything. He only intended to stay in there until the rain slowed anyway, though something in his gut told him that there would be no danger that night.

"Goodnight, Bella," he said quietly as he took a seat in the window, placing the pillow between his head and the wall.

Jasper fixed his gaze outside. The rain didn't let up at all, and so he stayed in her room the rest of the night. On occasion he would cast glances in her direction to make sure she was all right, but for the most part he kept his focus on watching for danger, even though he felt that he really was just as dangerous as any other predator that was lurking out there.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Another long one! Start to expect lots and lots of Jasper/Bella interaction from here on. This is just the beginning! The next chapter is where Bella tells Jasper exactly what happened in Volterra and how Alice and Edward died. It's a pretty emotional chapter but one that is well worth the read. Remember to follow and review! Cheers.

**Lyrics:** Within Temptation - Candles


	3. Chapter 3

_I've seen the horror,_  
_I've seen the wonders_  
_Happening just in front of my eyes._  
_Will I ever free myself by making it right?_

Bella didn't see a point in going to the graves of Edward and Alice. But she was compelled to do it. She knew that in the coffins that lay there, there was nothing. It was all a façade for everyone else who didn't know the truth. There were so few who _did_know and aside from those with names ending in 'Cullen', she was the only one who did. Still, it was a day when she felt as if she needed to be there. It was the first time she could bring herself to visit the site – It all still was too painful. Being there and seeing the tombstones meant that it would be real. It was one of the many things that would solidify reality. Bella had been putting that off for as long as she could, but it was getting increasingly more difficult to do. The weight that burdened her as a result of holding the secrets was suffocating, but she endured it. She had to.

Still, she hoped this visit would somehow help. Even though she had been there, witnessed it all, she felt like she still had so many questions. But they would never be answered. Her questions were more things like 'Why did this happen?' 'How could she have done something, anything different in order to prevent such a devastating outcome?' 'How was she supposed to ever move on without Edward?' Though she could think about these things for hours and hours and hours, clarity never seemed to make itself clear. She was left with shadows and shells of unanswered questions.

What she hadn't planned for was the fact that when she arrived, she wouldn't be alone. As she approached the graves, she noted a familiar blonde figure already there. Surely he could have sensed her coming, but either way, Bella paused in her steps. Instantly, she froze, a slight panic rising within her. It had been a week since the night he spent watching over her in her room, but she knew that every night since, he had taken the responsibility of being the one look guard the house. She had grown used to seeing him, but even still, seeing him now shocked her. He hadn't been there in the morning when she awoke. Emmett had been the one to check in on her. Now she could understand why. When she made a point to ask about Jasper, Emmett just said that he would be on 'patrols' that day. Bella assumed (and partially hoped) that it meant Jasper was finally hunting. It was obvious by his darkened eyes that he needed it and her concern for the boy was evident.

Now it explained everything. Seeing him already there made sense as to why he was missing. Immediately, she wanted to leave, to turn away and leave him to it. But how could she do that when she knew he would know she was there. Sucking in a breath, she continued to approach.

"I… didn't know you were here, Jas," she said softly, apologetically. "I wondered where you were, but I honestly didn't know." She felt so awful for intruding on him here.

"I'll leave, don't worry," she said, clutching the flowers she held in her fingers. Now she really wished Emmett would have told her.

* * *

At the burial, Jasper had thought it was absurd to place two empty coffins in the ground. His parents had told him it would be symbolic, and a memorial to the two of them. It was the best they could do, and Jasper knew that. He just hadn't wanted any part of it before. After going through the ritual though, Jasper had gone to Alice's grave nearly everyday. He wasn't sure if it was helping him or not, but it was the closest he could get to her. When he wasn't at the house, or staying outside of Bella's home, that was where he would be. He didn't talk to her headstone, or cry. He'd just sit in front of the stone and look at it. Words weren't necessary. They never had been, for them.

Alice's headstone always had fresh flowers decorating it. He would bring a white rose for Edward, but Alice always got daisies. He had been there for a good portion of the day, but he didn't really notice the time. Being there didn't ease the pain, but, he didn't know what else to do. Today was an especially important day. They'd planned to celebrate it; a first for Alice, her real birthday. They had never known the actual date until she learned it herself by visiting the asylum her family had put her in when she was a human. She'd been excited about that information, despite the fact that the rest of the information was so horrific. Knowing her birthday had meant the world to her.

Jasper stared at the headstone, and had been asking himself several of the same questions Bella had. He wished he'd gone back to Forks with her, that he'd gone to Italy too. He wished he could take back lunging at Bella, that he could turn back the hands of time for just one more embrace with the little pixie girl he loved so much. His heart seemed to break over and over again with each day that passed, and it left him wondering how many times a heart could break before the pieces were too small to put it back together. Jasper wasn't even sure he wanted it put back together.

There was something wrong with the headstone, though. _Alice Cullen_ was written in lovely calligraphy, but it was still all wrong. It should've read _Alice Whitlock_, but that would have raised too many questions that couldn't be answered. Jasper hadn't made a big deal out of it, but it secretly bothered him a great deal. He was still sitting in front of it when he heard the sound of a human approaching. The wind caught her scent and carried it to him, and Jasper knew it was Bella. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to regain his composure and not display the pain he was enduring over the loss of his wife.

"Bella," he began, after turning to look at her. "It's all right, you don't have to leave." He stood up, being the gentleman that he was. "You have as much of a right to be here as I do."

* * *

Bella didn't know how much a 'right' she had to be anywhere near this location. It was her fault that it even existed. Jasper had no idea of how true that fact was. No one did besides her. Nodding when he allowed her to stay, she offered him a weak smile of gratitude before turning to look at the tombstones. Instantly, there was a prick at her heart that hurt so badly, she nearly gasped. She should have known that coming here would be difficult. She just hoped that she would be numb to the pain. She was, in a sense. For whatever reason, she didn't feel compelled to cry or get worked up. But the pain still existed and when she looked at Edward's name scrawled into the stone, she was left without words.

It made it a hundred times worse knowing that he wasn't there really. It was just an illusion. She wished, more than anything, that this whole thing could be an illusion too. Just one of her elaborate nightmares that would be over when she awoke to Edward's cool fingers against her cheeks in the morning. But the way her heart felt that sharp pinprick allowed her to know that this was a reality. A devastatingly sad one, but a real one none the less. Looking back over at Jasper, she wondered what he was thinking, what he was feeling. Sometimes she wished she could have the abilities that he or Edward had. Then the answers would be so much easier and no detective work or prying would be even necessary. But with Jasper, it was easier. She knew how he was feeling because she felt the same way. Edward was everything to her, her entire life. It didn't matter that she'd only known him a year. She would have felt the very same if it had been a hundred years like it had been for Jasper and Alice. Bella was sure of it.

"It seems pointless. Doesn't it," she said, phrasing it more as a statement then a question when she turned to look back at the graves.

Their bodies were nowhere near this location. They were broken and turned to ash, nothing befitting of what either of them deserved. She chuckled once, bitterly, and shook her head. Steeping forward, she traced her fingers of her free hand over the cool marbly tombstone that marked Edward's eternity. There was that misguided concept again – eternity. It never really existed did it? Not in anything aside from death.

* * *

Jasper absently twirled a daisy between his fingers. The way the petals spun it reminded him of the way Alice's skirts would fan out when she twirled around for no real reason except that she could. He nearly smiled, but it got lost in the pain that had crippled his broken heart. Sometimes when he sat there, he'd get so lost in thought that he'd think any moment Alice would come up to him and cling to him from behind, telling him to stop brooding and come dance in the sun with her. It was a ridiculous thought, and one that could never come true, but he would've given anything to have just one more dance with his wife.

There would be no more dances. And Bella was right. This was very pointless. Him being there wouldn't change anything. No amount of daisies would bring Alice back. Sitting in front of her gravestone for hours on end wasn't going to result to anything but more pain for him.

"Yes," he said. "It's completely pointless."

Missing Alice wasn't enough to bring her back. Jasper knelt back down and sat in front of the stone again. He touched the petal of the daisy in his hand, then looked to the stone again.

"But it's all I've got."

Jasper had been so careful not to pry or ask Bella about what had happened in Volterra. But the question had been on his mind since he was able to regain coherent thought. He didn't necessarily want to know what happened to Alice, because he knew it would haunt him forever. Yet at the same time, by not knowing, it was still haunting him. There were endless amounts of scenarios that could have played out, but Bella was the only one who knew the truth. He didn't want to know, but he needed to know. He needed to know what happened to his mate and his brother.

"Bella, if you aren't ready I understand but..." he looked down at his lap, then the gravestone, then over at her.

"I.. I really.. I need to know what happened. "Please, when you're feeling up to it.. I have to know."

* * *

_'It's all I've got.'_

As soon as he said that, Bella felt crippled by guilt again. She hadn't meant to make it sound as if there was no point in _being_there, or that it was worthless to do such a thing. She had just meant that the empty coffins for appearances were a bit much under the circumstances. But it seemed he'd misinterpreted her words and instantly, she wished she would have just shut up. Guilt mixed with pain was a dangerous concoction of the worst type of poison. It didn't seem like there was ever an anecdote to follow up with.

There was no time to dwell on her mistake however, when Jasper asked her something she hadn't been expecting. It was the most basic question and yet, it was the most difficult thing she would have to do. Immediately, Bella wanted to shake her head and say that she couldn't tell him. She couldn't tell _anyone_. But at the same time, there was no way she could do that and _not_tell him. Jasper, of all people, who deserved to know the truth. But Bella had been there – she'd watched it all unfold and could do nothing about it. She understood the horror of it. How could she be the one to inflict that on another person? How could she tell him and then have to endure his reaction when he realized that she, alone, was responsible for everything? He would hate her. Jasper would never forgive her once he told her.

It hurt to think about.

But that was being selfish. Bella couldn't afford to do that. She didn't deserve to think of herself. Jasper was asking and if he was able to get the courage to finally do so, then she could find it to finally acknowledge it. Even with the looming ill-fated consequences. Kneeling, she folding her legs beneath her and stared at Edward's name on the gravestone. She couldn't look at Jasper as she started. She didn't know if she would be able to look at him at all. One thing was for sure – He wouldn't want to ever look at her again when she was finished. Bella didn't know where to even being. How could she think of a good start point when the ending would always be the same? It would never change. It would never be a happy one. But for that reason, she supposed it didn't matter where she started. It would just have to be at the beginning.

"Edward…" It wasn't a good start when she could barely choke out his name.

Bella forced herself to continue. Jasper needed this. She owed him.

"Edward tried to bring as much attention to himself as he could. He was going to walk into the sunlight as noon in the middle of the town square so the Volturi… So the Volturi could… so they would _have_ to kill him for what he did. He'd asked them to do it before but they said no. So he… he tried to make it happen. But Alice and I got there before he could do it and I… stopped him. But it didn't matter. We still had to meet with… _them_."

Her eyes darkened considerably when she referred to the group of sickening vampires.

"They were obsessed with collecting vampires with special talents. Aro wanted Edward and Alice to join his coven and leave theirs because of what they could do. But… both of them refused. They couldn't. Neither of them could. So… So… Aro turned to me and I guess his ability couldn't work on me. Or something, I don't know. Something is wrong with me. Some of his coven members couldn't get their abilities to work on me either. Edward was angry that he kept trying to hurt me… so he lashed out at Aro. Aro's guards surrounded him and they tried… they tried to stop him, but he was just trying to protect me. Alice came to his defense and Aro didn't like it."

She paused for a moment and looked down at her lap before continuing.

"He gave them an ultimatum. He told them they needed to join the Volturi, join his coven, or else… or else…" She shook her head. "There were so many of them. I don't know where they all came from. They just… surrounded us. Edward… Edward and Alice… they both refused to join again. They said they would never betray their family."

Another pause again. Bella felt her heart breaking into a hundred pieces at the memory. It was the first time she'd really put herself back into it. The sights and the sounds were so vivid, it was like she was standing right there, right in front of it all again. She didn't realize she started to cry because her tears were silent, but her eyes grew wet and as she continued, they trickled down her cheeks. She couldn't stop now. She need to finish it. For Jasper. And for herself.

"The little one lunged at me and it set Edward off. He attacked and then it just… they all just… There were so _many_ of them. Alice tried to protect me. She pushed me back, but they came at her. She was just so… so… little and… there were too many of them, Jasper. They tried so hard but they… Edward…" She choked again, covering her face with her hands and bowing her head. This was far more difficult than she ever could have imagined.

"The other two… Marcus and… and the other one," she said, unable to think clearly of his name. "They held me back. I couldn't do anything. I tried so hard to fight them. I couldn't move. I…" She dropped her hands and picked up the flowers again, clutching them so hard, the stems because damaged in her fingers.

"I couldn't breathe," she said. "The fire and the smoke… it… I couldn't see anything anymore. I could just hear them all. They were _laughing_," she said bitterly, her watery eyes narrowing into blurry slits. "Laughing." That had been one of the hardest parts.

"And Aro… he just… he just stood there and smiled… watching it all…" It was an image she would never lose. "He pushed me out when it was over. He said… he said he would be back, to expect… them to come back. And they shut me out."

There. It was over. She'd told him the whole story. She finally said it out loud.

But it still hurt unlike anything she'd ever done before.

For the first time, she looked at him, the guilt and shame bubbling so deeply without her, it hurt to even blink her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Jasper," she choked out. "I'm… I tried. I tried to do something to protect them," she promised him. "They never turned their back on the family. Alice never turned her back on you," she said. She hoped, somehow, it would give him peace to know that.

* * *

Jasper knew a little about what Edward's plan had been. Alice had seen it in a vision and told him about it. When he found out she was going to Italy with Bella to try to stop him, he'd wanted to follow but she made him promise not to. Those had been her last words to him. Making him promise to stay behind, promising him she'd come home to him no matter what, and that she loved him. That phone call was his last memory of her. He could still hear her voice if he allowed it to play in his mind, but he wouldn't. It was too painful to recall.

His knowledge of the Volturi was extensive enough to know that Aro was a collector of those with talents. It was of no surprise that he expressed an interest in Edward and Alice. It angered him, but didn't surprise him. His anger was overshadowed by the sorrow he felt coming from Bella and the guilt she felt as she continued on with the story. It meshed with his own anguish and hit him hard, but he tried his best to remain stoic while she spoke. At first, it didn't seem real. This couldn't be about his wife, his brother, and the girl sitting next to him. But it was. This had really happened.

Jasper's fingers started trembling as the story unfolded and he was forced to clench them, clutching at the fabric of his trousers as he listened. He could almost see it playing out in his mind, and he didn't want to. He didn't want the images haunting him for eternity, and yet he didn't try to stop them. It wasn't fair that Bella was the only one to be plagued with nightmares. He didn't sleep, but the visual would still haunt him from time to time, he was certain of that.

He could see it all; the guard closing in on them, Edward lashing out to shield Bella. And Alice, _"She was just so...so..little and.."_ his tiny little Alice trying to help even though she no doubt knew that they weren't going to get out of there alive. Alice. His little one. His pixie. His hope. Oh god, how could he have let her go alone? And the Volturi, that deceitful clan of pure evil. They _laughed_about it. Jasper wanted them all dead. He wanted to rip them all apart himself for what they did to the three of them, for how they'd destroyed his family, for how they'd broken his heart and stolen half of his soul. Jasper's head tilted forward and he closed his eyes. He was trying so hard to keep it together, but he knew it wasn't going to last. He didn't want Bella to see him break down but he couldn't make his legs work properly enough to carry him away.

He took a shaky breath that was unnecessary and yet completely vital to his sanity at the moment. His eyes opened and he looked at the gravestone in front of him.

"Alice loved daisies," he said quietly. It had nothing to do with what had happened in Volterra, and had no bearing on her story, but it was all he could think to say. He was hanging on by a thread to his last nerve, and it was being pulled taut.

"She said they were the friendliest flowers." Jasper was staring at her carved name, almost as if he could see her there now. "One time when we were traveling together trying to find Carlisle and the others, we stopped in a field that had daisies in it. She was dancing around them; she looked so beautiful. I asked her to marry me that day." He touched one of the daisies very delicately. It seemed out of place for someone as intense as Jasper to have such a tender affection for the flower, but he did. "She took a handful of daisies to the courthouse where we got married for her bouquet. It was so simple, just at the courthouse. But she was so happy. I could feel it. She made it so special. She made everything so.. spe-"

He started to trace the 'A' of her name with his index finger, but he only made it to the top of the first line before he had to bring his hand to cover his eyes.

Vampires couldn't produce tears, but there was such a thing as dry sobbing in their world. His shoulders shook involuntarily, and there was nothing he could do to stop the outpouring of pain and sorrow that rolled off him in waves. Jasper felt horrible, but he couldn't stop himself from crying the only way he could. He doubled over, the pain unbearable as he wept for his wife, his brother, his family, his broken heart. He wished he was dead, and yet he felt he deserved all this torture. This was his fault, and he deserved to pay for it, to be punished with this anguish for all eternity.

* * *

Ashes. That was all that was left of her love and of Jasper and now, that was all that was left of Bella's heart. There were no more pieces to it, no more tiny shreds. It was simply reduced to dust. She knew this was coming. She knew this would have to happen and yet, there was no comfort in the aftermath.

Somehow, she had gotten to the point where she surpassed a complete breakdown of her own and was in so much pain that it was all numb once more. It shouldn't have been. It should have hurt so badly that she choked on it, so it robbed the breath and the life out of her like it had been stolen from Edward and Alice. Jasper wasn't the only one thinking of self-imposed death at the moment. Bella wanted absolutely nothing more than to close her eyes and never open them again. Even more than wanting her Edward back, she wanted to die. She didn't deserve him back when she had been the one to send him to his grave. She didn't deserve to be anywhere near Jasper. Instead of sitting there and retelling the gruesome story, she might as well have called the Volturi to came and take him as well.

She was a murderer. She felt like a murderer**.**

There was no other word for it. No other term that could have described how she felt so accurately. Bella couldn't manage to take her eyes off of Jasper now which again, seemed to have been something that changed unexpectedly. But why should she hide her face in shame? It was too apparent to hide from. It was all-consuming, and she didn't even deserve to hide her head. She should have been forced to face it straight on and watching Jasper… shake like that… She deserved this.

Her tears were frozen on her face and her own pain and heartache was put on hold. Reaching out, she didn't even hesitate before gently touching his arm.

"Jasper… I don't… I can't even say anything," she whispered. There was nothing solid about her voice. It was just as unstable as her emotions. "I'm so sorry," she said. "I'm sorry." Her fingers tightened momentarily around his arm.

"I'm sorry," she repeated. She would never be able to say it enough times. If she could have, Bella would have ripped out her very soul and given it to him to prove it.

Sadly, she still didn't think that would be enough.

* * *

Jasper had not intended for this to happen. He thought he'd be able to keep himself calm enough that he could make it back to the house before he lost it, or at least far enough away that she wouldn't be able to feel his pain or hear him cry. The moment she had finished telling him what happened, however, he knew he wasn't going to make it. He hadn't even been able to stand up. He just... broke. His entire essence seemed to shatter into thousands of pieces, broken shards of what was left of his soul. He couldn't fix it, he couldn't do anything to bring back Edward or Alice, and even though he wanted to die, he would make no move to end his life. This was his punishment; his hell on Earth that he was doomed to suffer through for the rest of his eternity.

He wanted to pull his arm away from her when she touched him. Not because he was repulsed by her touch, but because he knew that when he was an emotional wreck, everyone around him could feel it and when he was physically touched, they got it a lot stronger. Jasper didn't want Bella to have to feel the brunt of his pain like that, but he didn't have the strength to pull away from her, either.

Bella's words barely reached his ears, but somehow he heard her apologies. Why was she sorry? None of this was her fault. He'd lunged at her, Edward had left because his actions had sparked a fear within him, and Bella was left to pick up the pieces of her own broken heart however she could. That wasn't her fault. He was the one who set everything in motion. He wanted to say that, he wanted to tell her to stop apologizing, but he couldn't find his words. He just shook his had several times, trying to tell her no, to tell her she shouldn't be sorry. He couldn't get the words to come out no matter how much he tried. He'd been holding in this sadness for so long, that the crying wouldn't stop now that it started. He wished he could turn into her and clutch onto her, but Jasper feared he would cause her harm with how tightly he held on.

He couldn't let this continue. Jasper couldn't just sit there crying. His legs didn't want to move, his body ached as he tried. Not even his immortality made him immune to the effects of an emotional overload. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to compose himself enough that he could use his power to calm himself down. He wasn't aware enough to calm himself completely; he was still trembling and an occasional sob would catch in his throat every few seconds, but he managed to calm himself considerably for the time being. It would be enough to get him home, he knew.

"T-Thank you, for telling me," he said, barely able to recognize the sound of his voice. "I.. should go.." With nothing but sheer will, he got up to his feet. "I have to.. to go.." He took a few shaky steps, and then he ran. He ran as hard and fast as he could.

* * *

Every second that she sat there and witnessed his break down, Bella herself, broke a little bit more. Never before had she'd seen Jasper this way. She had never even seen Edward so upset. It was unlike anything. And the worst part was knowing that she couldn't do anything to comfort him. She was the one who was responsible for Jasper's upset, the way his shoulders shook and his hands trembled, the invisible tears that she knew would be flowing if he was capable of it. She could _feel_his pain and because it was so similar to her own, she couldn't differentiate between his and hers. That too, didn't seem to help the situation.

She had the urge to pull him to her and wrap her arms around him – anything that could get that trembling to stop. It was the second most difficult thing she'd ever had to watch. That went without saying. The first, obviously, was the story that had just unfolded as they sat there in front of two empty graves. But before Bella could even have the chance (not that he would allow her to touch him anyway with how disgusted he obviously was by her and what she alone was responsible for), Jasper pulled away. Thoughts raced through her mind, desperately trying to connect to form words that would somehow help, but all she could do was stare up at him when he stood and uttered a thank you and a shaky explanation for his exit.

He was thanking her? He was thanking her for telling him the horrible tale? Was he thanking her, instead, for making it possible to never see her again after this? That last one made the most sense. Bella was positive that after this, Jasper would never be returning. At least, nowhere near her. Once more, she was the one to blame for hurting another member of the Cullen family. How could such a plain, simple girl from Arizona utterly destroy so many lives of people she loved?

Edward always would say he was the monster, that he was the dangerous one. But it was a lie. It was _Bella_. He should have been the one running away from her. He was the one who never should have come back from Denali when he'd fled after she first came to Forks High School. If he had, he would be alive and well. He would be burden-free, as would the rest of his family. This image of Jasper, now added to Bella's collection of things to have nightmares in regard to, would never have come about.

It was only a few seconds that he was still visible to her, but Bella watched him until he was out of sight. She stared for quite some time at the spot in the trees where he'd disappeared. It wasn't as if she were waiting for him to return – she wasn't that foolish. She just could swear she could still feel his pain. Looking down at her lap at the slightly damaged bunch of flowers she'd picked from the meadow – her and Edward's meadow – she took them in her fingers and broke them apart into two bunches. One, she placed reverently near the daisies on Alice's grave. The other, she kept in her hands as she laid down where Edward's grave was and waited until the pain hurt so bad, she would stop breathing.

One could only hope.

* * *

**Author's Note:** We weren't going to post this so soon but we couldn't help ourselves!This chapter was shorter but like we said before, it was really emotionally charged and it was important because it explained what happened when in Volterra. The next chapter is similar in that it's also pretty hard-hitting. We're so happy to be getting so many sweet reviews. That's so encouraging to us to continue posting. Thanks for reading and look forward to Bella's visit to the meadow in the next chapter and the aftermath that ensues when Jasper finds her!

**Lyrics: **Within Temptation - Jillian


	4. Chapter 4

Your love is haunting me  
And all I want is more to set me free  
Whispering in the air  
Hoping that my words find you somewhere

After seeing Bella at the cemetery, Jasper wasn't sure how he'd made it back to the Cullen house. He hadn't even known how long he'd wandered until he finally made his way back there. Esme had greeted him at the door and hugged him for several minutes; Jasper felt her fear and relief of seeing her son return. He honestly couldn't remember if he returned the embrace or just stood there. Either way, he'd come 'home' and everyone was glad to see him. They hadn't understood his departure, only that something had happened that affected Bella, too.

It would remain a mystery for another whole week that Jasper was there. He'd gone up to his room and stayed there, completely miserable with his existence. He'd been the one to cause all of the madness, all the pain, the deaths of his wife and brother, and the devastating heartache that Bella had to endure. Jasper felt horrible for how he'd behaved in the cemetery before his sudden departure, but he hadn't known what else to do. He couldn't dare ask for her comfort; he didn't deserve even her concern. He certainly didn't want to continue weeping in front of her, so he'd fled. Now that he was back, he still made no move to go back to her home. The others seemed to have it all under control. He didn't want to face her again after all the damage he'd caused.

After a week of being back, Jasper composed himself enough to share the information Bella provided with Carlisle. It had not been easy to repeat her story, and he'd broken down three times in the process of telling it. He knew that the family needed to know the truth, and he also knew that Carlisle needed to know that the Volturi were watching them, and Bella. It made him wonder if the intruder had come from _their _side of the pond. It was something to think about, anyway. Once he'd shared the story with Carlisle, Jasper went back to his isolation. It was the most use he thought he could be, so there didn't seem to be much point in him showing his face around the house. Emmett had taken him hunting a couple of times, but it didn't have the same fun quality to it that usually accompanied their trips together. They didn't wrestle over their prey, or challenge each other along the way. It was just out of necessity and nothing more that he fed, then returned home.

There seemed to be no sign that Jasper would ever emerge as anything more than a shell of the man he once was, until the news of Bella's disappearance reached his ears almost three weeks from when he last saw her.

At once, he was out of his room and demanding to know how she'd gotten away. Apparently there was some sort of understanding that when _Jacob Black_ was at the house, the Cullens stayed away. That was probably the worst idea Jasper had ever heard. The proof? Bella was _gone_, Charlie was probably a blink of an eye away from sending every officer in Forks out looking, and who knew what danger was out there looking for Bella to try to kill her?

The only thing more terrifying than that last thought, was the knowledge that Bella probably didn't care right now if that danger found her. Jasper knew, and understood her pain because it was the same as his own. He'd prayed for his own death several times over the past few months. Bella had death looming over her at every unguarded turn. After grilling Carlisle about details Charlie had mentioned on the phone, Jasper left without saying goodbye. The others were all going to search too, he assumed, but Jasper had to find her. There was an unexplainable drive within him to find her and keep her safe. Even though he knew he was just as much of a danger to her as anything out there and maybe even more, he couldn't let anything happen to her now.

He drove to her home, and followed her scent from there. The only relief he felt the entire time he was searching was the fact that there was no other foreign scent traveling with her. That meant that she _had_ gone on her own, and she had not been abducted. It was a comfort, however small. It did not slow him down, though. He entered the woods, alternating from traveling through the trees and following treacherous paths. He would find her. He would bring her home alive.

It was all he had left to live for.

* * *

Bella no longer had any concept of time. Before, she wished she would be able to disregard such a thing because it meant she could spend an eternity with Edward. There would be no need to measure it any longer because it would never seem to change. She would just be happy forever. It would never end. Now, time still seemed endless. In this case though, it was painfully so. It was empty. There was nothing to look forward to, nothing to smile or laugh about, no reason to drag herself out of bed every morning. This was an ultimate low for Bella. Ever since that day she met Jasper in the cemetery, she had slumped so low into depression that she couldn't even see the bright side anymore. It didn't exist. It just seemed to get darker and darker.

Each day, she wondered if Jasper would be the one to look over her. But it was no surprise when he never came. Days went by and faded into even longer nights. Those surrounding her were worried. Renee had tried on more than one occasion to take her away from Forks, but Bella couldn't leave. Charlie was beside himself with worry. For a few days, he stayed home from work as if that would somehow make a difference. He tried to suggest a hundred different things to get Bella out of the house, but she refused. She didn't want to leave. She didn't want anyone to see her, talk to her. Esme had taken to staying in her room most nights while she slept. She was grateful for the presence, but nothing the matriarchal figure could do would cure Bella of her pain and sadness. Nothing she could do could even seem to lessen it.

She never cried though.

After letting a sliver of her composure slip when she had been with Jasper, Bella never again shed a single tear. Everyone – Charlie, Esme, Carlisle…. They all wished she _would _have cried. They wished she would have shown some form of life. But it never came. Once, she had been like this before. Not to the same great degree because her life still carried on, but this time, it had stopped altogether. In more desperate attempts, Charlie had Jacob coming over every so often. But even the boy who once helped to patch up her heart in the past, her best friend, couldn't manage to piece it back together in the slightest.

One night, Bella couldn't sleep. She tried for hours, but to no avail. Esme sat beside her bedside and stroked her hair back in comforting manner to try and help, but even that had no effect on her. Finally, rolling over on her side, she peered up at the kind-hearted woman.

"Where's Jasper?" she asked.

Her tone was both curious and defeated, but otherwise unreadable. She hadn't mentioned his name ever since the day at the graveyard and no one had done the same to her. She was unaware of whether or not he'd told his family what Bella had told him and she didn't want to ask just in case he hadn't and they wished to know the full story too. There was no way she could have done it again.

"He's taking some time for himself," Esme said softly, brushing back the hair from Bella's forehead. She didn't know exactly why Jasper had left, but she attributed to something that happened with Bella – she must have told him what happened. Carlisle had assured his wife that their son would be all right. He just needed space.

Instantly, Bella felt sick to her stomach with guilt. Not only had she really hurt him, but she caused it for his family as well by causing him to isolate himself from them. Bella didn't sleep at all that night. Instead, she pretended until Esme left. The next day, she hadn't gotten out of bed until mid-day. When she did, she left the house telling Charlie she would be back soon in a note. Her destination had been the meadow. It was her favorite place to visit because it was fairly unknown. It was _their_ place. A special place. It took her awhile to get there, leaving her truck by the woods and taking the rest of the way by foot. She'd gotten lost twice, but she managed.

It was cloudy. Of course it would be. The first time she'd gone, there had been sunlight and Edward in all his brilliance. There was no brilliance any longer. Nothing but clouds. She watched the sky turn colors as she lay in the middle of the meadow amidst the overgrowth of grass and wildflowers in the late spring.

For hours, she stayed motionless, wondering if maybe she didn't move, she would be absorbed into the earth and just... disappear.

* * *

Jasper wasn't sure if he wanted to be the one to find Bella or not. He wanted her to be found and taken home immediately of course. There was no questioning that at all. He just didn't know if it would be right for him to find her. What would he say to her if he saw her? The last time they'd seen each other, he'd run off after crying his heart out in front of her. He didn't know what he would do, but he tried not to think about it right now. Finding Bella was the main priority, and everything else that followed would happen when it happened. He couldn't worry about himself when Bella could possibly be in danger.

He wasn't exactly familiar with these woods. He'd never really been in them before, not enough to know them backwards and forwards. He thought he was on her trail, though. It was her scent at least. Jasper continued through the trees, moving from one to the next. It allowed him a better vantage point, being able to see much farther out with the added height.

The hour was drawing later and Jasper still hadn't found her. There was a clearing coming up, and he was running out of trees. Maybe he could stop there and refocus his efforts in a different direction. He wasn't going to give up until he found her or received word from one of the others that Bella was safe in her room. Jasper moved from tree to tree until he reached the last one. Just before he jumped down, something caught his eye. Someone, was more like it.

There, lying in the grass, was Bella.

He'd been on the right trail after all. He could see she was breathing, which was a good sign. She looked asleep, but it was hard to tell without being close to her. Now, all those worries from before about what he would do should he be the one to find her began creeping up on him again. He didn't know what he should say, if he should apologize, or what. He wasn't even sure why she'd run off, unless it was out of grief for Edward. That made perfect sense to him because he'd done the same thing for Alice.

He decided he would just tell her he was there to bring her home and he would do that, then leave. If she wanted, he'd even call Carlisle to come get her and wait at a distance until he arrived. That would be up to Bella. For now, he needed to get her home. It was too dangerous out here for her to be by herself. Quietly, he jumped down to the ground. Jasper kept a safe distance, several paces away from where she was lying.

"Bella," he called out softly, in case she was sleeping.

* * *

_'You're not good for me, Bella.'_

Maybe Edward hadn't been lying. Maybe he hadn't been saying those things just so he could leave easier. Bella knew the truth all along. She knew that she wasn't good for him. But selfishly, she tried to convince him of otherwise. She offered her soul to him, claiming that she it didn't want it anymore, that it was already his. She truly believed that too. He might not have thought that he had a soul himself, but Bella knew he did. It was entwined with hers, keeping her alive and giving her a reason to keep breathing. But it hadn't been enough for him. She hadn't been enough for him.

_'I promise that this will be the last time you see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed.'_

How could he have thought that? How could he possibly have thought that she would be able to carry on without him? If he was half of her soul, the other part couldn't survive without him. But Edward always had an answer it seemed. He always had something to say, a reason for doing what he did.

_'Don't worry. You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind.'_

That had been his only lie. Time would never heal her. Time would only deepen the wounds, not fix them. Laying there in the meadow proved it. She didn't feel any closer to him, only further away. It wasn't fair that her reunion with him had been so brief. There had been too much to tell him, too much to reassure him of. Bella never got the chance, nor would she ever. One of the last memories of him that she had before everything that happened in Volterra was Edward telling her that she was no good for him. How could she ever heal knowing that?

Bella could always pretend.

She could always pretend that his voice was soft and comforting, gentle. Like now. When he said her name, she smiled, eyes never leaving the sky.

"Edward," she whispered, eyes fluttering closed in contentment. She could feel comfort, ease. Peace.

* * *

Jasper froze upon hearing his brother's name fall off her lips in a soft whisper. He again was unsure of what he should do. She was either dreaming, or in a trance-like state lost in her imagination. He couldn't blame her for the latter; he often did the same. He didn't know if he should speak again or approach her. Either way, she was going to be devastated upon learning that he was not Edward. In fact, he was probably the last person in the world she wanted to see. Jasper contemplated briefly racing back into hiding in the trees, letting her believe she'd imagined his brother's voice and nothing more. He could call Carlisle and give him her location, and that would be that. Something wasn't letting him run, though. He couldn't bring himself to do that to her. She deserved better than that.

How could he break her heart, though? How could he be the one to shatter the illusion that Edward was not dead, that he was standing right there, probably about to go lay next to her and hold her, whisper his devotion and cradle her against him. For the briefest moment, Bella seemed to have short, spiky black hair as Jasper's vision blurred into his own illusion. He blinked rapidly several times to snap himself back into reality. Painful reality. The illusion was so much nicer. Who the hell was he to take that from her?

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said quietly.

God, if that wasn't a masterpiece of an understatement. His list of incidents to apologize to her for continued to grow everyday, it seemed. He took a cautious step towards her, then another, closing the gap between them in half.

* * *

Her heart couldn't have been broken anymore. It still only remained bits of dust that were collected inside of her chest. Jasper needn't worry over that, nor should he need to apologize for killing her illusion. It should have been that way. She shouldn't have continued to think such thoughts, dream such impossibilities. They weren't allowing her to heal. But Bella was still convinced that healing was never going to happen to her.

Opening her eyes again, she tilted her head toward him.

"Hi Jasper," she said calmly.

It was as if there had never been a moment of weakness, like Bella had never made the mistake of thinking that her fantasies manifested themselves into something real. It was also as if Jasper had never left. For the moment, she was just too numb to really feel anything at all, though beneath the surface, her emotions were fighting to be released. When you were an empty shell, you had no need for them, but it didn't seem like they were ever silenced. That was the case with Bella. She hadn't realized that she was so close to the breaking point. Otherwise, she would have told Jasper to run away again before it was too late. She didn't want to put him in that position.

But emotions also never seemed to listen when they reached the point of no return and it seemed like Jasper would witness more than he bargained for before Bella would ever have a chance to warn him. Tilting her head further to the side, she rested her cheek against the grass while her fingers moved from her side to run through the flowers there.

"Daisies," she said thoughtfully, touching upon the story he'd told her back at the cemetery. "I think I prefer wildflowers." Her fingers gently traced the petals of one that was close to her and she smiled bitterly at its beauty. "They look pretty. But they're so deceptive," she said. "They can make you think they're wonderful, that they'll always be there no matter what the season is. But really they're just…" She plucked the flower out of the ground and brought it to her chest to hold over her heart. "…weeds."

Her eyes closed again, squeezing shut. The place where the flower was pressed against her seemed to burn.

"I never noticed it before," she said. "Everything about this place just seemed so… _perfect_," she whispered, catching fleeting glimpses in her memory of the first time she'd rested there with Edward. That was the first time he'd told her he loved her. It felt like her heart would explode from how wonderful it felt to hear him confess to what she'd felt so strongly too. Now, it felt like her heart would explode too, but for an entirely different reason.

"I don't even know why I'm here," she said, her voice starting to tremble.

And she didn't. This was just hurting more. Being here hurt _more_than anywhere else. And still, she'd laid there for hours upon hours. People probably wondered where she was. Charlie was probably frantic by this point. Maybe that's why Jasper was there – it had to be the only reason he was there. Unless it was an accident. Yes. It was an accident. Jasper hated her. For such good reason, Jasper hated her. It was a mistake that he wandered across where she happened to be.

All at once, she couldn't take it anymore and Bella broke like her heart already had – into a million pieces. Crushing the flower in her fingers, she started to cry for the first time in weeks.

* * *

Jasper was not quick to move. He stayed where he was as she started speaking, but was very aware of her feelings just then. Her voice was calm, but he could feel the emotions stirring within her and he knew she was on the verge of cracking. While everything in him was telling him to use his power and calm her down to keep that from happening, he didn't listen to his instinct. He knew that it wouldn't help things in the long run if her grief was stunted. She needed to get this out, no matter how painful it was in that moment. Not allowing her to grieve seemed completely unfair. He had no right to stifle her sadness, even if it was to try to protect her from any pain.

He watched her, listening as she spoke of the flowers. Her mention of daisies pricked at his heart, but it was smashed into so many pieces as it was that he did not really even flinch. He resisted the urge to say anything, for fear if he did it would make her stop talking and less likely to get out what she needed to. It was a painful thing for him to witness, and for him to feel. He felt her pain, her loss, her loneliness, all of it. He wanted so badly to take it all away but more than anything he knew she needed this.

The tremble in her voice tipped him off that she was close to her breaking point. Jasper took another step towards her but was careful not to make any noise. He could almost feel the lump rising in her throat that she'd been fighting to keep down. He saw the tears starting to trickle down her cheeks and somehow, even though he didn't think it possible, it felt like his heart was breaking all over again. He wanted to look away, to try to erase the image of her pain out of his mind, but he wouldn't allow himself that. She'd been witness to his sadness. Bella shouldn't have been alone during hers.

Very slowly, Jasper closed the rest of the gap between them, and sat on the grass next to her. He almost felt like an intruder, but he also felt like he needed to be there with her. It burned his throat, being so close to her, but that pain was nothing compared to the pain in his chest and the pain he felt coming from her. With the utmost care, he eased her up off the ground to keep her from choking on her sobs too much. Jasper wasn't sure he'd ever reached out to her before in anything but violence; he was always very, very careful to keep his distance. Just once, when he'd touched her shoulder to tell her she was worth fighting for, that was the only time until now.

Jasper slowly ran his hand down her back and watched her. He didn't say anything yet, knowing that sometimes words just didn't help. There was nothing anyone could say that would've made losing Alice even the slightest bit 'okay.' He knew for her, it would be the same for Edward. They'd both lost the other half of their souls. Nothing could make that tolerable.

* * *

Bella thought she was imagining things again.

She really had thought Jasper would leave again, just take off running before things had gotten too deep. Surely he could feel everything she was feeling, not only just because of the fact that he had the special ability to do just that, but because he had felt the same breaking point the last time they had been together. They really were facing the same situation, the same heartache. Perhaps, though, neither of them had really started to grasp the fact of how similar their mindsets had been. Maybe this was a step in the right direction. Maybe what happened in the cemetery had already been the first one. Maybe there had been others before that. Either way, disguised or not, it was some form of coping.

One of the ways in which Bella knew it _wasn't_ just a figment of her imagination was because of the feel of Jasper's skin. The cold was significant of the fact that this was real. But though it might have actually been happening, it still was shocking to Bella. She hadn't expected him to put himself on the line and comfort her in such a drastic way. She had been no stranger to the fact that he had trouble controlling his bloodlust at times, especially around her. Of course she would never blame him for this. It was in his nature. He was _supposed_to react that way. He certainly wasn't designed to pull her close to him and run his hand down her back in such a comforting gesture. It only seemed to cause a thousand more tons of emotions to crush her under the weight.

Because of those emotions, Bella couldn't help herself from clinging to him. Her arms wrapped around him tightly and she pushed her face against his shoulder to bury her tears against him. The flood of feelings that poured forth didn't have her logically thinking that this was probably extremely difficult for him to endure, and again, she wouldn't have blamed him if he would have pulled away from her. But he was _there_ and Bella couldn't stand to keep everything so bottled up any longer. Every person had a breaking point and Bella's had already passed her by more than once. This was long overdue and even in her intense sorrow, a part of her knew that this was a good thing. There was no way to start to heal until she hit rock bottom.

And there was nothing lower than this.

"It's not fair," she cried, her voice muffled by his shoulder. "I just got him back. I just..." Her voice broke off again and she couldn't finish. She could only hold onto Jasper tighter. Bella usually wasn't childish, but in this, she couldn't help it. It _wasn't_ fair. She hadn't had time to get the closure she needed after Edward had left the first time. She would never know that his words upon leaving her might not have been the truth, but only said for her protection from grief at his leaving. Bella would _never _know the truth. That was why she struggled so much with this. That was why she delayed the start of the coping and healing process.

"I'm sorry," she said, almost inaudibly. She wasn't being specific, but there were so many things to apologize for – especially to Jasper – that it didn't matter.

* * *

While Jasper's intentions were geared towards helping her, there was also a personal benefit of not speaking while he sat next to her. It meant he didn't have to breathe, which in turn made it easier for him to be close to her. It was a little uncomfortable, but easier on his throat for him not to be constantly breathing in her scent, her blood. He could sit there without any tension in his shoulders and not have any other real concern except for making sure she didn't work herself up into hysterics. Jasper did not think it would escalate to that level. He could feel that she was tired, even beyond her grief. He didn't think she had the strength in her to get hysterical.

Though he wasn't breathing, it was still quite a rush and overload of emotions for him when she launched herself into him and clung to him. It didn't knock him back or anything like that, but it was overwhelming for him to feel her grief so physically now. Jasper closed his eyes, trying not to let it get to him too much. He had not felt he'd properly addressed grieving for his brother since he'd been so caught up in his wife, but now he could feel all of her sorrow for Edward and it made him realize how much he truly ached for his brother as well. Besides Alice, it was Edward who he had been closest to in the family. He had a different bond with all of the Cullens, but it was Edward who he felt understood him best - save for of course, his wife. He and Edward shared a bond between their abilities and understood the hardships the other faced with being unable to control what emotions or thoughts they felt and heard. They both understood how overwhelming it could be to deal with and it was Edward who Jasper often confided in when things got to be very hard for him. Edward was always there for him, even when Jasper wouldn't have been there for himself had he been in Edward's shoes. He took a moment in silence to mourn for Edward alone, though it was something he would grieve privately over for a long time.

Bella's actions had shocked him, though.

He knew she was desperate in her grief and he was the only one there. That had to be why she'd turned to him the way she did. If someone else had been there with them, surely she would have clung to them instead of him. Her grief had probably made her forget her fear of him. But Jasper made no move to remove her arms from around him. He wasn't sure how he should respond. He didn't think she needed to apologize to him for anything. She'd done nothing wrong at all, but apparently she thought she did. If Bella felt she needed to say it, he wasn't going to stop her. He just didn't know why.

Jasper slowly continued to just run his hand over her back. It was the most he could do, considering his affliction of bloodlust. He didn't think embracing her would be a good idea anyway, as it might make her feel trapped. She needed the openness, he thought, in order to keep her emotions flowing.

"I.. I don't understand why you feel apologetic towards me," he said quietly, finally breaking his silence. "You've done nothing to wrong me, Bella."

* * *

Shaking her head, Bella instantly refuted his words. She had _everything_ to be sorry for. Where would she ever even begin? There was the most obvious – she took his wife and brother from him because of her own selfish reasons. If she wouldn't have jumped off of that stupid cliff… If she hadn't cut her finger on her birthday… If she hadn't insisted that she couldn't stand to be away from Edward in the first place…

There were so many 'ifs' and Bella felt sorry for them all. She was sorry that she had to tell him the story of what happened and couldn't do anything to comfort him like he was doing for her now. She was sorry that she'd trapped him into being her protector and being more of a source of comfort than he would understand. She was sorry for all of it.

But it was hard for Bella to say anything else and instead, she just shook her head against him again. There were a few more minutes where she could do nothing else but cry. When her tears finally slowed, quiet sobs replaced them. But it was then that she realized just how exhausted she was. The biggest indicator was the fact that she was struggling to keep her eyes open. Her lids felt heavy and though the weight of bottled emotions had been eased to a great extent as a result of her breaking down in the meadow, she still felt burdened. Jasper was partly to blame in addition to how much it took out of her to release her feelings in such a manner. He was making her more comfortable than he would ever realize. Bella knew that either way, she would have reached this breaking point sooner or later. It seemed to have made a significant difference that when it occurred, she hadn't been alone. Because of this, because of her vulnerability and her subsequent ease with him, Bella would never be able to look at him the same after this day was long gone. Again, that was something that wouldn't fully hit her until later on.

Being this close to him, Bella could breathe in his scent. The first night that he'd come to guard her house and it had been storming, the smell of him clung to the pillow she'd given him and the clothes that he'd borrow from Charlie. She barely noted it when she first took the clothing to be washed, but then later that night when she was falling asleep, she'd returned the pillow to her bed and realized that it smelled like something delicious. It was a different scent, like a special cologne or something, but it was unique and on its own, it was enough to get her to sleep easier. It didn't linger long unfortunately, or else in the weeks that Jasper had been gone, she might have had something of an easier time getting to bed.

But now, it was powerful and it filled her senses, seemingly making it a hundred times more difficult to stay awake. Because her emotions drained her, Bella was too tired to try and fight them and instead, gave into exhaustion. Her breathing slowed and her heartbeat followed. In a matter of minutes, she was asleep, still with her arms around him and her face pressed against the fabric of Jasper's shirt.

* * *

Jasper still had no answers for why she was feeling so apologetic towards him. He didn't understand it at all and it seemed this would go unanswered again because all he received was her shaking her head as she held onto him. He wanted to apologize to her. He needed to, and he would, but now was not the time. She needed to release all of this grief and reach her lowest point so that she could pick herself up and start to heal. That was the point he'd realized he'd reached, and though healing seemed like an impossible feat, he had to try. If nothing else, he knew Alice wouldn't want him miserable for eternity. He knew Edward wouldn't want that for Bella, either.

He could feel her grief becoming less dominate over her exhaustion. The tiredness he felt from her was becoming much more prominent and he knew it was only going to be a matter of time before she succumbed to sleep. He didn't know what was worse, truly. Part of him wished he could sleep, to escape the harsh reality that he lived with non-stop. Yet, sleep risked the chance of nightmares. While Jasper felt he was constantly existing in a never-ending one, he also knew that sleep-induced nightmares could be much worse. He didn't know which was the lesser of two evils. It didn't matter though. He could never sleep anyway.

Jasper knew when she was sleeping. The change in rhythm of her heart was what told him that she'd lost consciousness. He could feel her breathing slow down as well. She wasn't dreaming yet, he didn't think, and the state of slumber was still in the beginning stages. Jasper did not want to wake her as he knew she needed the rest after such a grueling emotional outburst. Her body needed time to recover unlike his. That was why he did not move from where they were positioned to take her home right away. It was difficult for him of course, but he endured it. With her sleeping, he could stop breathing again. He continued to lightly stroke her back, finding the gesture soothing to himself as well.

Something was bothering him, though.

This was wrong. Edward should have been the one sitting there, holding her, comforting her, taking care of her. Jasper should've been sitting in the trees, watching Alice dance along the branches and taking solace in her constant happiness. Edward should have been in his position. The picture was wrong. And yet, that wasn't what was bothering him.

It was the fact that it didn't _feel_ wrong for him to be there. Jasper didn't allow himself to think about it at the moment, but it would creep up on him again later. For now, he just focused on listening to her breathing, waiting until he knew she was in a much deeper sleep. Once he felt that she wouldn't stir, he picked her up and cradled her to him to shield her from the cold night air. After securing her in his arms, he carried her from the meadow all the way back to her house. Along the way, he called Carlisle and told him he'd found her, asking him to alert Charlie to call off the search and telling him to please be waiting for him so that he could carry her right in without having to disturb her.

* * *

Charlie slumped into one of the kitchen chairs with utter relief when Carlisle called. He'd been frantic looking for his daughter. He knew the Cullens were out looking for her and Jake had gone back to the reservation to round of some of his friends to help too. Charlie wanted to leave too, to search everywhere on foot, by car, by plane if he had to (he was being a little bit dramatic about his daughter, yes). But Bella was his only child and had disappeared before like this. It scared him to death and he vowed to never let it happen again when she was in his care. He'd just gotten her back and couldn't stand the thought of losing her. Not again. It made the chief of police sick to think about. He'd remained home in desperate hopes that she would return. So when Carlisle informed him that Jasper had found her and that they were on their way back, the chief, who was by no means religious, said a silent prayer.

He phoned Billy to tell him to let Jake and the rest of the La Push kids know, but it seemed like Jake had already gotten the message somehow judging by how quickly he showed up back at the Swan house. Charlie didn't question how he'd managed that but just figured he was rounding back to check if Bella had come back yet.

"Where is she?" Jacob demanded when he came through the door. Charlie explained that Carlisle had phoned and said that his son Jasper had been the one to find her and was bringing her back as they spoke. Jake was anxious, standing by the door and peering out in the darkness. He would be able to smell the bloodsucker when he got close. It would be a shame that as soon as Bella was returned, she would reek of the disgusting scent.

That scent soon became prominent. "They're coming," he said over his shoulder to Charlie.

The chief pushed back his chair and stood by Jake at the door, pushing it open wider to accommodate Jasper bringing his daughter forward. Carlisle had said that she was unharmed, perfectly fine, but she was sleeping. Charlie was partially glad that she was; it meant she wouldn't be overwhelmed when she returned and he would much rather have his Bells be quietly slumbering as opposed to harmed in any way or traumatized. His relief was solidified when he saw that surely enough, she was resting in Jasper's arms.

The look on Jacob's face read otherwise. Sure, he was relieved. But _he_ had wanted to be the one to find her. _He_ was _supposed_ to be the one that was taking care of her now, holding her while she slept. Not a stupid, filthy leech.

"We'll take care of it from here," he said coolly when Jasper approached, holding his arms out to take her. He didn't assume that Charlie should have been the one to take of her out of anyone if Jasper was to let her go. As far as he was concerned, her place was with Jake and with that Edward kid out of the way, it was one step closer.

* * *

Carrying her home hadn't been any trouble. The wind blowing against them would have been bothersome with her scent, but Jasper kept his flow of oxygen cut off. He would've liked to have run with her but he didn't want to jar her awake so he kept at a brisk walk. Once he got to her house, he started to breathe again to try to assess if any of his family was nearby. Instead, a rancid stench of dog invaded his nostrils and he cringed in disgust. That was perfect. The dog was there. He rolled his eyes towards the sky, but let it go. Bella was the priority.

As soon as he walked up to the door, it opened and he was face to face with Chief Swan for the first time. Jasper didn't say anything as he walked in, again, not wanting to disturb her. He had every intention of taking her to her room without incident, but the dog had to go and open his mouth.

He arched an eyebrow at the younger, foolish adolescent and simply said, "Oh, I think you've done quite enough for her already." He turned to Charlie then, and nodded. "Chief Swan, I'll just take her upstairs and be on my way, if you could lead me to her room." Of course, playing the fool as if he'd never been there.

Charlie was oblivious to the tension between the two young men, just so glad to have his Bells back in the house and seemingly unharmed. He led Jasper up to Bella's room and pulled back the covers of her bed. Jasper gently laid her down with great care, and then stood up straight. He would be back, but for now had to make it look like he was going home. Charlie thanked him and Jasper just nodded again and told him he was glad Bella was safe. He stared down Jacob once before walking out of the house. He drove his car around the block, then walked back and hid in one of the trees until he saw Jacob leave. He watched Charlie check on his daughter again, then waited until all the lights were out in the house before he crept in through Bella's window in silence.

He moved to the corner of the room and sat on the floor, watching her. He'd told Carlisle he would stay with her through the night so not to worry about sending anyone. Something inside of him just told him he needed to be there for her, to make sure she slept through the night.

* * *

Bella was sleeping peacefully.

She hadn't stirred at all during the journey back to the house, nor did she when she was put safely into her bed. She had been partially so exhausted still from her emotional outburst, and in other part, so comfortable in Jasper's arms that she slept easily that night. It looked like it would be one that would not be plagued with dreams. Even as she slumbered, she still felt as if she were surrounded by Jasper's scent. But once he'd left for the sake of appearances for her father, the comfort that the scent and his presence brought along soon disappeared. That was when the dreams came.

This one was vivid, but everything was black and white.

It was a strange contradiction, but often times, Bella's dreams didn't make sense to her. She was back at the cemetery. The dirt on Edward and Alice's graves was still fresh and even in her dream, she could swear she could smell the scent of cut grass. But something didn't feel right. She looked around and found herself alone. This struck her and in the dream, Bella started to panic. It wasn't right; something was missing. _Someone_ was missing.

"Jasper," she whispered, turning over on her side, her brow furrowing as she slept. It was as if she knew, even though she was asleep, that he was no longer there. Perhaps that was why she had so much trouble with it in the past month when he hadn't been there.

Suddenly her dream switched focus and a new scene appeared. The meadow. Edward was there, sparkling in the sunlight through a break in the clouds. He was smiling, laughing. He didn't look anything like he did when she last saw him in horror and pain back in Italy. When the clouds closed, she reached for him but as the sunlight faded, his features changed. His hair grew longer, curlier, and it lightened to blonde. His shape changed, slightly broader and a bit taller.

"Jasper." She called out the name again. When she reached for him though, the figure again changed. This time, the eyes turned blood red, the skin sallow-looking and even more pale to her eye. The body lengthened and aged. Aro.

"Jasper," she called again, turning onto her back again and getting the sheets twisted as the dream took a turn for a nightmare.

* * *

Jasper silently wondered what he was doing there. Why should he stay, when he seemed to only bring her pain? She was afraid of him, he was the cause of all of her pain as far as he was concerned. What right did he have to be there now? Esme should have been in the room, comforting her while she slept as only she could. Jasper wanted to help her, but he wasn't sure if he could. Would the best way for him to help her be to stay away from her? Esme had told him that she'd asked about him, but, what did that mean? Bella was a worrier, and he'd certainly given her quite the show at the cemetery. So asking about him didn't seem outlandish. What would she say when she woke up and saw him there? He was concerned about it, but he was more concerned about making sure she slept.

He could feel that her peaceful slumber was not lasting as he felt her emotions shifting from calm to panicked. She must have been dreaming, he noted as he watched her. The anxiety in her was starting to build, but he wasn't sure if he should interfere just yet. As he started to move, she whispered his name and Jasper froze.

Why had she called for him?

He looked at her as she turned over, studying her face. She seemed troubled, and he wished he could have been able to see what she was seeing in her dreams. She said his name again and Jasper was still just as stunned. She was calling for him? She wanted him? It didn't make sense to him why she would call his name and not Edward's. The rational part of his mind told him that humans couldn't control the things they dreamed about. It was a subconscious thing, and he had been the last person she saw before falling asleep. Her mind was probably recalling that and that was why she said his name and not his brother's.

The third time, her voice sounded much more frantic and desperate. Jasper did not hesitate any longer. He moved to the bed and looked down at her, kneeling on the floor at her side. He did not dare get much closer. As much control as he'd displayed in the woods, he feared it would not last if he pushed it too far. He didn't understand what was happening, but if Bella thought she needed him right then, then he would be there for her. He gently brushed a few dark tendrils away from her face, then very gently took her hand in his.

"Bella," he murmured softly. "I'm here."

Very slowly, he lowered his head down to lay his cheek against the top of her hand, joined with his. He kept his eyes open, watching her face and features to make sure she was all right. He had not used his power up until this point out of respect for her and for the sake of her grieving. But he did not see a problem with using it while she slept. It would not be stifling her grief and could possibly aid her in relaxing enough to get some actual rest. He sent a calming wave over her, hoping it would help her ease back into a peaceful slumber.

* * *

Instantly, it was like Jasper crawled into Bella's head and erased the imagery of the horrific dreams her mind was starting to weave. The chill of his skin soothed her and with the added benefit of the calming waves he sent toward her, Bella was able to easily dip back into a peaceful state. She was still for the rest of the night, save for the fact that her fingers had tightened around his initially. She didn't realize she'd done so and by the time morning rolled around, her grip had gone slack but her hand still remained in his.

It was bright outside the next day when Bella finally opened her eyes. It felt like years since she had been in the meadow, decades since she'd cried herself to sleep on Jasper. But that didn't mean she didn't remember. She was well aware of everything that had taken place in the evening prior from the time she'd written the note to Charlie to when she explained her negative attitude now for wildflowers and their deceptive, symbolic tricks.

Something about today seemed different. There was no telling how that was possible considering Bella couldn't really explain it. But she hoped that signified something positive. She still maintained that the night before had been her lowest point, her breaking point. From there, she could only improve. Maybe that was why she felt somehow different. Maybe it had something to do with Jasper being there when he hadn't been in so long. That gave her hope. If he stayed, perhaps he didn't hate her as much as she thought. She wouldn't blame him for it if he did of course – she deserved his hatred.

But there he was, his chilly fingers still wrapped around hers. Another thing that was different was, that for some reason, Bella didn't feel the awkwardness she would usually expect to.

"You stayed," she observed aloud, studying his face.

* * *

Jasper hadn't moved throughout the rest of the night. He'd been tempted, but only to keep her hair out of her face. He stayed still however, knowing that the slightest movement might wake her and that was the last thing he wanted. He'd watched her throughout her sleep, watching her eyelids twitch, the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, and listened to the steady beating of her heart. The time passed quickly for him as he was rather fascinated by her sleeping. He'd watched before, but never at this close proximity.

It was still very surprising to him that she'd wanted him near. At least, in her sleep-like state she'd called for him. Everything could potentially change when she woke up. She might burst into tears again at the sight of him, or she might ask him to leave. He hoped she wouldn't, but then, he wasn't sure what he was wanting her to do. Jasper had taken for granted that he had several hours to figure out what he should say to her upon her awakening. He hadn't, and now he wasn't sure what to do.

As her eyes opened, he lifted his head and looked down at her. He didn't retract his hand from hers, however. That was something he wanted her to do when she was ready to let go.

"Yes, I.. I wanted to make sure you were guarded," he said. "I'm sorry - I should have asked Esme, I just.. I was already here, so I figured I'd stay. I'll go, if you want me to. Outside I mean, until someone else can get here."

* * *

"No!" It didn't take her but a second to answer. Perhaps it happened a bit too quickly in fact.

But Bella didn't want him to go. She felt selfish and somewhat guilty for asking him to stay but... she wanted him to. Though she couldn't understand it entirely, Jasper seemed to make her feel better. She wasn't sure she wanted that to go away so soon. She _was _sure that she liked holding his hand. It seemed to be a focal point for the comfort that radiated from him. But she also didn't want him to feel like he was being forced to stay. At least, forced to touch her. Actually, Bella wasn't even sure how it had come about that they were holding hands in the first place.

Letting go, she tucked her arm by her side. He would be free to move away if he wanted to and Bella wouldn't blame him if he did. But while he was this close, she could really see the dark color of his eyes. They were worrisome. Not because she feared that she could potentially victimized on account of the fact that he was thirsty, but because she was concerned about the fact that he hadn't hunted in what seemed to be awhile.

"Jasper?" she started. She didn't want to pry, nor to mother him by any means. But she couldn't help it. He had protected her and now Bella would try to protect him as well. "When's the last time you hunted?" She paused before explaining further. "Emmett said you hadn't been hunting much and your eyes… I can tell," she said. It still might have seemed like she was worried about her own well being instead of his. Bella didn't want Jasper to have that misconception. "I think you should," she said. "You would feel better."

* * *

It was true that Jasper hadn't been hunting very much lately. As ironic as it was, he didn't have much of an appetite. That didn't mean he wasn't still dangerous. He had no doubt that he would attack any human that bled right out in public if he was presented the opportunity. He just had no desire to go looking. It was effort he didn't want to spend. He'd been too depressed to really care that much. Unfortunately that meant he was constantly on edge and his throat burned with the fire of a thousand suns, to put it lightly.

He was also doing it on purpose. It focused the pain somewhere other than his heart, though he was sure that was always going to be there.

Bella's concern was legitimate. With him thirsty, he was more likely to bite her, to drink her blood and kill her. He understood her inquiry. Genuine concern or not, he knew he was a danger to her regardless. Yet she had said she didn't want him to leave, so maybe she didn't feel threatened. It was all very confusing and he didn't know how to interpret it. He did move, but only to sit on the floor rather than kneel. He didn't want to creak on any floor boards and alert Charlie.

"I'm not sure when I last hunted," he replied honestly. "I've been having trouble keeping up with the days." Never sleeping and being consumed with grief made it hard to remember the date. Jasper frowned a little and looked down. "I just don't really have the desire to go." That was the truth. He just didn't elaborate as to why. He didn't want to put his troubles on her. She had enough on her plate as it was. "I'll go soon. I'm sorry if it brings you unease. I.. I didn't think about that. I apologize."

* * *

It seemed he still misconstrued her concerns.

Bella couldn't blame him. She didn't – and wouldn't for maybe quite some time – understand the extent of how much they were similar to one another in their fears. Their frame of mind was nearly a mirror image and with the grief they both felt consuming them at the loss of their mates, it only made Bella and Jasper more alike than either of them realized.

"It doesn't make me uneasy," she said honestly. "It's just not good for you to keep yourself from doing it." If he'd wanted to kill her, he could have done it so easily. Either in the meadow the day before where it would have been all too easy for him to hide the evidence and never speak a word of it, or while she slept not more than two feet away from him. Instead, he held her hand and ensured she rested peacefully. Death was not her concern. At least, not by Jasper's doing.

Sighing, she stretched her legs, yawning in the process. He would be able to feel that she was clam. If anything, aside from her words, that should have assured him that she wasn't fearful of his presence. Sitting up, she looked at him seriously.

"Can I ask… can you please stop apologizing to me?" she pleaded. It may have seemed like a random conversation point, but he'd just done it and Bella did not deserve any apologies from him. They were unnecessary. "You have nothing to be sorry for," she said. "You really don't, Jasper." Her teeth snagged her lower lip and she shrugged. "I don't know why you keep doing it. I should be the one apologizing to you."

Pausing, she looked down before back up at him and clarifying further.

"I… I didn't want to hurt you so badly when I told you what happened. I just… couldn't tell you any other way aside from the truth." She could still clearly remember what it had looked like when his shoulders started to shake and tremble with his grief. "I'm sorry for… putting you through yesterday too. I know you wanted your space. That's why you don't have to stay if you don't want to," she added to make it clear that it was his decision. "You shouldn't feel like you have to."

* * *

Jasper could feel that she was not upset with him for being there, which was a relief. He couldn't feel any fear coming from her at the moment, either. She seemed to be fairly calm, all things considered. Her focus seemed to be more on him, about his thirst and his well-being. "

It's tolerable," he said quietly. "It's a distraction." Honestly, he was surprised at how well he had been doing around her the last few times he'd seen her. The burning was hellish, but somehow he'd managed to keep himself restrained. Was it because he was growing stronger? Jasper truly doubted that. He attributed it to the fact that he had been so grief stricken that his depression was dominating his thirst. His sorrow ran deeper than his thirst, and it kept him from giving in to the urge to bite.

"But.. I will go hunting soon. It isn't fair for me act as a protector when I am not at my strongest."

Bella's request for him to cease in his apologies caught him off guard too. He didn't understand how she could say that he didn't have anything to be sorry for when he had everything to be sorry for. He frowned a little and looked away from her, trying to process that thought. He felt so responsible for everything because in his mind, it was the truth. His actions set off the reactions from everyone else and that set everything into motion. Maybe that was part of why he was starving himself so often now. He wanted to punish himself, put himself in as much pain as he could. It was a weak punishment considering all those affected by the crime.

Before he could say anything on the matter, she continued on, telling him of her worries for his well-being after being given the information he'd asked for. He looked up at her again, clearly shocked by her words.

"Bella, I.." he stammered a little, the relaying of information starting to replay in his mind. "I.. asked you to tell me. I made you relive it and I didn't want to do that. I just.. couldn't go on wondering anymore. I hate that you had to suffer in the retelling." He raked a hand through his curls, trying his best not to let his emotions of the memory take over.

"Part of why I left was because I needed to process everything, but.. it was also because I.. I felt.. I _feel_.. so responsible for everything. I don't understand how you can say I have nothing to be sorry for when all of this, all of your pain, my pain, my family's pain.. it's all my fault."

* * *

Bella could sympathize with the need for distraction. Anything that lessened the pain that swelled in her heart was a welcomed addition. But she hadn't been doing anything that would harm her in the manner it could potentially harm Jasper if he didn't hunt soon. He was starving himself. It was a distraction, yes, but it was one that would come at a cost. Bella didn't want him to have to endure the negative outcomes if he continued to refrain from hunting. She was appeased when he said he would go soon, but she wasn't fully satisfied with the fact that he thought the main reason he needed to do so was on account of wanting be the best 'protector' he could be.

"Thank you," she said.

When the conversation took another turn to address the important issue of where to place blame and how apologies were wovem through the context, she felt guilty for the look of hurt that crossed his features, just noticeable before he glanced away from her after frowning. As soon as he looked back to her and started to explain, she shook her head. It was a wonder she even let him finish before shaking her head.

"No, Jasper," she said, sliding off her bed to kneel on the floor next to him. She wanted to be on his level, to be able to look him in the eye and assure him that he was wrong in this. "You aren't to blame for any of it," she said sincerely. "It's me. It was _me_," she said firmly. "I can't say for sure that you and your family aren't feeling pain as a result of something _you_ did, but I'm almost positive that's not true. What I _am _sure of is that you aren't the source of mine. You never have been, Jasper," she said.

How could she get him to believe her? How could she assure him that he had done nothing wrong in her eyes? It was killing her that he continued to be so depressed, but she couldn't blame him from being so. She felt that way too. It was funny how she was so determined to ease _his_ pain, but even more determined to _suffer_ through her own. Jasper needed to feel that. Surely, he could _feel_ that she didn't think negatively of him by any means. On the contrary, he was helping to put her back together. She might not have realized the extent of that quite yet in its entirety, but Bella understood that without Jasper having been there the night before, if he wasn't there _now_, that she would be doing a thousand times worse.

But how to make him see that instead of seeing himself as a threat, a terrible being, as the one responsible? More questions that Bella didn't know the answer to. But she would try. Reaching for his hand, she moved slowly to pull it toward her. She enveloped it between her smaller, warmer fingers and tried to concentrate everything she could about what she was feeling into it – comfort, ease. Jasper needed to understand that she didn't blame him.

"You haven't done anything but help me," she said. "If you hadn't-"

Her words were cut off when she heard the sound of a door closing and footsteps creaking against the wooden floorboards.

Charlie.

He was coming to check on his daughter and picked the moment she was in such desperation to open Jasper's eyes to the truth. Eyes widening, Bella sucked in a breath before letting go of his hand and pulling herself from the floor to slide back into bed, turning her back to the door to feign sleep when Charlie opened it. Her eyes just closed when the door was pushed forward and the chief came to look over the seemingly slumbering form of his daughter.

Bella remained still as possible and silently prayed Jasper was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

Jasper had been wanting to say certain things to her for a very long time. Months and months of festering guilt, digging into his conscience and contributing to what was probably the worst depression of his vampire life. Now that he had admitted his fault to her, he wanted nothing more than to apologize for everything he felt he was responsible for. It was an outpouring of his genuine remorse for his actions, and what he led himself to believe was contributing to her pain. If she was afraid of him, then she didn't need to be because he was going to do everything he possibly could to make up for the slip up he had at her birthday party. It would never right the ultimate wrong he felt he caused - the result being the deaths of Edward and Alice, subsequently splicing their joined souls with their lost loves - but if he could ease the pain even the slightest bit for her, he would do whatever it took.

He wasn't expecting her to take his hand. That small, seemingly simple gesture was something that touched the remaining half of his lost, abandoned, and broken soul. It was a healing touch, something he needed so desperately. Jasper could feel her calm, feel that she didn't hold resentment towards him. He didn't understand why, but meant more to him than he felt he could express. Her words of reassurance were unexpected as well. He hadn't seen himself as having done very much. Perhaps it seemed like a bigger deal coming from him because he had always been so reserved, quiet, and kept such a distance from her. There was a large part of him that believed he should still be maintaining that distance. He'd gotten closer to Bella than he ever would have permitted himself before, and yet another part of him was telling him he could never go back to being that distant from her again.

He started to silence her, to tell her she didn't need to ever speak of what happened in the meadow again if she did not wish to relive it, but before he could, he heard the sound of Charlie approaching the house. He did not want to exit out the window before he knew the Chief of Police was inside, else there was the chance of him seeing Jasper escaping his daughter's window. When the door shut and the sound of Charlie's footsteps could be heard, he knew he had a limited few seconds to get out without being detected. In one fluid motion, he was up on his feet after Bella let go of his hand.

"I won't go far," he whispered, and before the door opened he was out the window, disappearing for the time being.

**Author's Note: **Now we're getting somewhere with these two! The next chapter is much less emotional and a little bit fun when Bella decides to go back to school and Jasper offers to take her. What happens later on when they go back to her house? Stayed tuned for Chapter Five! (Also with some cameos from Jacob and the Forks High crew.)

**Lyrics:** Juliet - Emilie Autumn


	5. Chapter 5

_'Cause I'm feeling like_  
_I might need to be near you_  
_And I feel alright, so please_  
_Don't get me rescued ;;_

It was such a shame that Charlie's timing had been so unfortunate. For once, Bella really felt as if she were making progress with Jasper. It was the most important thing to her to make him aware of the fact that she wasn't afraid of him, and more so, that she didn't possess any sort of hateful or negative emotions at all. She still had trouble digesting the fact that he wasn't blaming her and started to refute her words, but how could she be that hypocritical? She would be if she simply shook her head and ignored what he was telling her when she was so desperate for him to hear the same things coming from her own lips. When he was gone, Bella found herself feeling… disappointed. That was the best word to describe it. Already, she felt like some of the comfort that settled her heart was wavering. But she _took _comfort in his promise to stay close.

Jasper maintained that promise from then on out. She could count on him to look over her every night after the one in the meadow. It was always him who seemed to have volunteered to keep her safe and watch over the house by himself. The others stopped by too, of course. In fact, Bella made it a point to ask Carlisle once if he could be the one doing patrols himself or if he would send someone else specifically so that Jasper could hunt. She hadn't let up on her concerns for that, especially when Carlisle told her one time that to Jasper, it seemed like not hunting was another way to feel like he was punishing himself. Bella hated the very idea of that. He had nothing to blame himself for and certainly nothing to punish. She was glad that the rest of his family was behind the idea of him hunting and encouraged it. It seemed to have worked. More often than not, Jasper's eyes were golden to her as opposed to charcoal black.

He was becoming someone that she depended on. It felt strange when he wasn't there at night, sitting in her window with the pillow behind his head as she slept. It was constant, soothing, that someone was there both when she closed her eyes and when she awoke the next morning. More and more, it was becoming apparent that he was the last one to see before she slept; her dreams that involved Jasper became more frequent. Usually, it was the one she'd had the night after the meadow where the figure changed from Edward to Jasper and ultimately into Aro. Nightmares were still something she struggled with, but knew she always would. They just didn't seem quite so bad when she was assured of Jasper's safety whenever she awoke from them.

One Saturday, she'd been sitting at the kitchen table with Charlie, idly tracing her finger around her cereal bowl when she broke the comfortable silence between father and daughter.

"Dad, I want to go back to school."

Charlie nearly choked on his coffee at the unexpected outburst. He had started to assume that Bella wouldn't be ready to return for the remainder of the year, despite the fact that he really wished she would. He thought it would be good for her to finally get herself out of the house, something she hadn't done much of in months. Immediately that afternoon, Charlie took the steps needed to get everything organized so that she would be able to return to her classes. She was significantly behind, but the administration assured him that she would be able to catch up as best as she could and they would take steps to helping her along the way.

That Monday, the chief opened the door for her when she left, gently pulling on the sleeve of her jacket before she could. "Are you sure about this, Bells?" he asked, obvious concern written on both his tone and on his expression. Bella nodded. "I need to at least _try_ to graduate, Dad," she said. "I promise I'll be fine."

* * *

It was strange how things had a way of working themselves out. The road to recovery was certainly a long one and Jasper had not nearly reached his destination yet. There were signs that he had gotten off to a start, though. For instance, it wasn't so much of an effort for him to function anymore. He wasn't crippled by his grief. He still had his moments of sorrow, moments when he missed Alice so much he could hardly stand it, but he was coping with it. There was a purpose in his life again. He felt useful. The circumstances weren't so great; Bella was in danger and there were newborns running wild not too far away. But this was something he knew he could handle. Jasper could protect Bella from this danger. He could do what Edward and Alice intended to do. Having a purpose gave him something to cling to and it was enabling him to feel as though he was slowly redeeming himself.

It also helped that he was actually enjoying himself in Bella's company. He'd been given the chance during his many nights watching over her to spend time in her presence. Usually he stayed inside her room and would talk with her until she fell asleep. Sometimes they didn't talk; she would read and he would keep a look out. But the awkward silences they once had were now very comfortable. Jasper didn't really find himself worrying about what he ought to say nearly as much as he once did. He still blamed himself for everything that happened, but it helped knowing that she didn't blame him. It made it easier to be around her and easier to relax... as much as someone like Jasper _could _relax.

When Bella announced she was ready to go back to school, Jasper thought that was a good idea. It would get her out of the house and minimize the threat of her being there should something happen during the day. Not only that, but it was good to know that she was getting back to some sort of normalcy. That showed him that she too was embarking in the healing process. The fact that she wanted to graduate from high school was a sign that she was wanting something for her life, which meant, she _wanted _a life. That was very good news.

Jasper "left" that morning to go get his car, which was parked on a neighboring street, to pick her up and take her to school. Her truck was perfectly fine (according to her, anyway), but he'd insisted. He wanted to be with her at all times in order to make sure she was protected, but the excuse they gave was that Carlisle had said it would be wise for Bella to stay out of the driver's seat for the time being. He promised Charlie that Jasper would get her to and from school without incident and that seemed to be good enough for the police chief. Jasper drove up on time and turned off the ignition to his car. He met her half way up to the house with a tiny smile.

"Good morning, Bella," he said, then looked up at Charlie. "Chief Swan." The two nodded to each other and then he looked down at Bella. "Shall we?"

* * *

"Bye, Dad," she said before looking up at Jasper and nodding.

Charlie stood by the door and watched, still unsure about this idea. Of course he was thrilled that Bella wanted to return to school; he really thought it would be a positive thing for her to hang out with people outside of the house for once again. But he still was worried about it, especially once Carlisle had spoken with him. The good doctor made valid points, but they weren't easy ones to swallow. There _was _a chance that Bella could take off as soon as she had the opportunity to do so. Who was to say that she would take a few steps forward only to run twenty steps back and retreat altogether. And so when Carlisle suggested Jasper's help, Charlie agreed. If he had his way, he would have dropped her off and picked her up himself, but that wasn't in his nature to hover too much and he knew Bella would never stand for that.

"Wow."

Bella was in awe of the car parked outside of her house. It was old-fashioned and incredibly stylish. If ever she were to pick out a car for Jasper, this would be it. It had his name written all over it.

"Pretty cool, Jas," she said as she opened the passenger side door.

She was almost afraid she would break it if she wasn't careful. Even if Bella didn't know much about cars at all, she figured this one probably cost more than her and Charlie's entire house. This was the first time she'd seen it and she wasn't surprised. It didn't seem like something that Jasper would have gone around school flaunting when he attended the year before. When she situated herself inside, she noted it smelled like fresh leather still, though she imagined it could have been decades old. It also, despite the fact that the top was down and thus the space wasn't as concentrated, smelled like Jasper.

It would have been a lie to say that Bella wasn't completely sold on the idea of returning to school. For one thing, she _was_ behind. It would be difficult to catch up, but she wanted to make the best effort to do so. Leaning her head back against the seat, she closed her eyes and sighed.

"So what would it take for me to convince you to just drive past?" It had been her idea yes, but it was one that everyone supported. She couldn't let them all down. Especially Charlie. "You could just tell them you got lost driving there because it's been so long since you graduated. _I _would believe it," she said.

It was amazing how much easier it had become to not only talk to Jasper, but to be herself around him. The time he spent in her room since he'd started looking after her was definitely to blame for that. Bella was grateful though, whatever the reason.

* * *

Jasper didn't usually indulge in the finer things as much as his siblings seemed to enjoy doing. They went through fancy cars like kleenex. He'd only ever had this one car and it was one of the few expensive purchases he'd ever allotted for himself. He'd purchased it brand new and restored it over the years when it needed it. While the other cars in the Cullen garage were new and flashy, his still seemed to fit in with them. It was _his_ car. He'd never had a desire to own a different one. He didn't drive it as often as he would have liked, because even though it was a classic, it actually probably was one of the most conspicuous cars in the Cullen garage. It definitely stood out, especially being a convertible. A convertible in Forks. But it wasn't cold out that day. There wasn't any sun, but the chill that was usually in the air was absent during this time of year. It wasn't _too _outlandish.

After parting from Charlie, Jasper walked her to the car, semi-amused by her reaction to seeing it. He realized she probably never had before. He meant to grab the door for her, but she actually managed to beat him to it. He did close it for her, though.

"It gets me from A to B." He moved over to the driver's side and sat down behind the wheel. "Has for the last fifty years, anyway," he added, now that they were out of earshot from Charlie. Jasper smirked at her, then started the car.

Its engine roared to life, but he made sure not to rev it too much in front of Charlie. He pulled away from the house and drove off carefully, waiting until they were at the end of the street to put on a little speed. He didn't drive too fast, though. Not as fast as he would have if he'd been alone or had the top up. With it down, he didn't want to whip her hair around too badly, and it would've been difficult to hear her talking.

"You want me to keep going on your first day back, Bella?" He asked, glancing over at her with one arched brow.

He could understand that. While he was glad she'd expressed an interest in going back to school, he didn't blame her for not actually wanting to go through with it.

"I suppose I could accidentally turn left instead of ri- whoops," he tsked at himself as he turned left at a stop sign instead of making a right turn as he'd intended to do. "Well, I'm sure they'd understand if you weren't quite there by the time the first bell rang."

He knew she didn't like being the center of attention, which is exactly what she would have been if he drove her up to the front of the school right when everyone was arriving. His car would get the attention first, then everyone would swarm upon her exiting the car. It no doubt would have been too much for her. The last thing she needed was a set back in her healing process. He didn't want going back to school to be more harm than good for her.

"How about I make sure you've been properly caffeinated this morning first, then we'll 'try to find' the school again?"

* * *

When Jasper made his small exclamation at his 'blunder', Bella opened her eyes again. He'd turned left. He'd turned left instead of right to take her to school. While she had been mainly joking when she suggested the idea, there was a part of Bella - quite a prominent part actually - that was dreading what would happen when she arrived. It was bad enough that she was the new kid at Forks High School the year before, but this would be like the entire process all over again and it would surely be a hundred times worse. Everyone knew what happened to Edward and Alice. Rather, they thought they did. What they knew was really the fake cover story. No one in Forks, aside from three people, two of which were in this car currently, knew the full story of what really happened.

Bella wasn't looking forward to being the center of attention again. She had never wanted to be in the first place, but this would be different. Everyone would be asking if she was doing all right, how she was coping, where she had been. Everyone would be staring and whispering as she walked by, feeling sorry for the poor girl from Arizona who'd somehow managed to snag a mysterious Cullen and woo him over, only to have him dump her in the fall before his death in the spring. The thought, which would soon be a reality, turned her stomach. But it was a reality that would take a little bit longer than she would have expected since Jasper indulged her half-hearted wish.

Her eyes widened when she looked over at him. Her expression was a mixture of both amusement and utter shock. She couldn't believe he was playing along with her and helping her avoid some of her worries and fears in the process. "

Really?" she asked, looking like something akin to a child on Christmas morning.

Bella wondered if anyone else would have done this for her. She couldn't help but to think that, in addition to Charlie saying no and that she was silly for even suggesting such a thing, that Edward would have said the very same and stressed the importance of being at school. The unexpectedness of Jasper's actions made her look at him differently.

At his suggestion for caffeine, she changed out her shocked look for a mock one of stoicism.

"Yes, that's very thoughtful of you, Jasper. It wouldn't do me much good to be too sleepy to stay awake in class on my first day back. Imagine what people would say," she said, grinning at him. Imagine what they would say indeed.

* * *

Jasper didn't exactly condone cutting classes or neglecting one's education but he knew that this was a delicate situation. Anything he could do to ease the transition for her to get back into a routine of some sort of normalcy, he'd do it. If it meant being tardy, that was fine. If necessary he'd go in with her and give the office attendant some sort of excuse on her behalf. He knew how long they had before a phone call would be made to her home inquiring where she was; they always waited a certain amount of time before checking on the absences. Jasper knew this because his attendance record was probably the worst of his family's when they enrolled in school. He still received the perfect grades expected of the Cullens, he just had such a hard time being around people that there were days when he'd either just not show up or he'd come in late in order to avoid the initial mass of students in the parking lot before classes began. If it was truly necessary he'd make an excuse that involved Carlisle should the office inquired about Bella's health.

For now, his priority was getting her some coffee. They couldn't go in anywhere for fear someone would see her and pass along to Charlie that Bella wasn't in school. That was one of the setbacks to living in a small town like Forks; everybody knew everybody and tight quarters led to few places one could retreat to if they didn't want to be seen or talked about. With Charlie being the Chief of police it made things even more sensitive. On top of that, everyone thought they knew about what happened to Edward and Alice, so there was probably a particular interest in everything Bella did and where she went right now. Her debut back in school was likely a hot topic already.

Jasper had a bit more leniency. While everyone whispered that the elusive Cullen children were _together _and no doubt had come to the correct conclusion that he was with Alice, the Cullens as a whole were generally left alone. Even though people were drawn to their inhuman beauty and charisma, they didn't often go out of their way to be accommodating or social. As much as they were pulled in, they were also incredibly intimidated; the only thing more nerve-racking than being spoken to by a Cullen was being rejected by one. Jasper was probably the most intimidating of them all with his piercing stare and often pained expression. They all had their points of intimidation, but Jasper seemed to have the least amount of interaction with anyone outside of the family. It wasn't uncommon for him to have heard whispers while they were in school or when they actually went out in public questioning how such a sweet, friendly girl like Alice could be with someone as aloof and reserved like him. Other than that, people typically left him alone and were either afraid of or admired him from afar as they did the rest of the Cullens.

It was good to see her grinning. He wasn't sure he'd seen her smiling like that at all since she came back. The closest to it was when she'd laughed at the sight of him in Charlie's clothes, but this was a bit different. He could feel the genuine happiness and relief coming from her, and it was expressed toward him. It was nice feeling; one that he'd probably keep with him for the majority of the day.

"I wouldn't be a proper body guard if I didn't make sure you were sustained by an artificial substance to get you through the boring and inaccurate history lessons you no doubt will have to sit through." He smirked to himself. "I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to speak up and correct teachers to tell them 'that's not actually how it happened' during their lectures."

* * *

Bella was happy that he understood the reasons she didn't want to go back without questioning them. She would have explained it to him if he'd asked of course, but it was nice that she didn't have to say it aloud. Bella never liked when she appeared weak and she would be the first one to admit that she certainly _felt _weak when she was faced with the situation of returning to school. It would be impossible to avoid the stares and whispers altogether, especially, she figured, in places like the cafeteria when there were larger groups of students assembled. It wasn't as if she were naïve to the fact that the entire town knew she was coming back. She just preferred not to actually witness their reactions to it.

As good as it might have felt to Jasper to see it, Bella felt just as good to be able to smile genuinely. It _had _been awhile. She had come close a couple of times and there were a million more when she had to fake a smile for Charlie or Jacob so the two of them weren't always on watch for another possible suicide attempt (even though the first one had been a misconception altogether) or great escape. But it was nice to relax enough to the point where she could feel something other than grief or else simply numb. Smiling was one indication that she was improving. A few weeks ago she would have laughed to hear someone say she would be able to possess a genuine smile. And that laugh, of course, would have been bitter.

One step further, Jasper managed to pry a laugh out of her as well that wasn't bitter at all. When he mentioned his thoughts in regard to the lessons in history, she was amused by the fact that he was probably right. She wondered what it would feel like to sit there and listen to lectures when you had personally witnessed a great deal of it throughout your lifetime. That couldn't happen to Bella – otherwise it wouldn't be called history. Not many exciting or groundbreaking wars happened in Bella's lifetime – at least, not in comparison to the major significant ones that happened in the past century. It occurred to her that she didn't know exactly how old Jasper was or what lessons he was mentally correcting in his head when he'd had to sit through class.

"And imagine how many times you've had to do that at new schools with new teachers," she said sympathetically.

Bella was still curious about his age though. What had he seen? Where had he been? She only knew that he and Alice met in Philadelphia and she knew exactly where to find him. Other than that he was still a mystery.

"How old are you?" she asked, leaning against the seat to study him. It was pointless though. He looked like he was a teenager to her and always would. She wasn't going to find any clues by staring at him now, even if she did it for hours upon hours.

"_Actually_," she added with a grin so he couldn't play on the words. She tried not to think of when Edward had done that.

* * *

It was rare that Jasper actually smiled. Even when he was happy, his expression was usually just more relaxed and calm, a little less severe looking. He would smirk, his lips tugging up more to one side than the other, but that wasn't the same as smiling. One would think that smiles would look a bit out of place on a face like his. However, when Jasper did smile, that thought would prove to be false. His smile would be the physical proof that he was more angel than demon, no matter what he believed about himself. Alice typically had been the only one to receive them, his family being the other recipient every now and then. He didn't think he would ever smile again, though part of him felt that there was some small shred of a possibility that it could happen one day. He just wasn't sure why.

Her question of his age amused him. The smallest chuckle started to surface in his throat, and very nearly came out. It was only stifled by him shaking his head. He did smirk though. She wanted a direct answer, leaving him no room to tease her with his supposed age. It was a legitimate question, and he'd opened the door for her to ask it by talking about history lessons. Jasper had no intention of divulging her into the heavy topic of his past, but he didn't mind sharing what he remembered of his human life.

"Just telling you would be too easy," he said. "I was changed just after I turned nineteen." He wasn't sure if she'd ever picked up on his soft, southern drawl. After so many decades of traveling and fitting in with the Cullens, he'd learned to hide it for appearances. But when he was relaxed, or without the need to blend, his southern roots would take hold and his melodious voice would resonate in its natural way.

The smirk still on his face, he turned to her again. "How old do you think I am?"

* * *

"Jasper, I didn't know you were a tease," Bella said with amusement.

It would be too easy just to tell her? So that meant it was a game of sorts. Bella wasn't really good at this sort of stuff. When she was looking at a person on the street or something, she would have trouble being able to guess their exact age. And that was assuming they weren't immortal like her driver in the present happened to be.

Taking a moment to think, she chewed on her lower lip in thought as she continued to stare him down. Again, there was no indication of how old he was in his face. It was flawless, unmarred and smooth. She did note, however, that his lips were fuller than she realized before. Kind of like her own. But while hers probably looked awkward with the top one just a bit fuller than the lower, Jasper's looked perfect like the rest of his features. Staring at his mouth definitely had no input on the task of figuring out how old he was. This would take careful thinking and maybe a little bit of deductive reasoning.

"Well let's see," she said, looking forward at the road and sitting back against the seat as she pondered the problem. "If I was going by this thing," she said, running her forefinger gently across the dashboard, "then you had to have been at least fond of the fifties." She thought it was around the time of the fifties anyway, if her memories of movies was still in working order. "But even if you were changed then, you'd still be pretty young…" she said, drifting off into thought. "And you seem old to me." She furrowed her brow for a moment, trying to pick up more clues, but a few seconds after she'd said it, she realized that her words could have been offensive.

"Not like you _are_ or anything. Well… you _are_ are." Are are? Bella could feel her cheeks start to blush at her mess of words. "Can't you just tell me?" she asked with a small groan, getting impatient. She was aware of the fact she sounded like an idiot.

* * *

If Jasper could have blushed, he would have. To anyone who didn't know him, it would be almost unthinkable that Jasper could be playful. It wasn't a side that surfaced often regardless, and especially not in recent months. Jasper hadn't felt like playing, being witty, or anything that could be regarded as being a "tease." He was feeling light this morning, though. It just sort of came out of him naturally.

"I guess everyone has their secrets."

He felt her eyes on him and could feel her curiosity. She was trying to figure him out and he made no move to distract her. He turned his attention back onto the road. They weren't really going anywhere. Jasper had driven by the drive-thru coffee shop three times already. While he didn't like being the focus of attention, he'd invited her to do so and he was also used to getting stared at. He tried to keep his smirking to a minimum, though it was getting increasingly difficult to do so.

Her reasoning was pretty logical. The fifties had been a very influential decade for him. The car had been an added bonus, but it was true he looked back on that time fondly. He'd married Alice at the turn of that decade and they'd met the Cullens by the end of that same year. He'd began to really pursue his life as a vegetarian vampire. A lot of those years had been difficult, almost unbearable. And during that time, he probably wouldn't have thought that after marrying Alice, the rest of that decade would be something he looked back on with fondness. But he did now, because he knew it was the beginning of a life where his pain wasn't what dominated his life. Bella didn't need to know about that right now, though.

He actually did chuckle when she said he seemed old. He supposed he did. Some of his mannerisms were still remnant of the nineteenth century. Even his penmanship, though she'd probably never seen it, looked more like calligraphy than the typical teenage boy's chicken scratch. She seemed a little miserable with not being able to guess his age, and to save her from any further frustration, he gave in with another soft laugh.

"I was fond of the fifties, yes," he said, his eyes still on the road. "But by the time they came around I was already well beyond the average lifespan of a human male." He stopped at a stop light, and turned so he could address her properly. "Currently, I'm pushing one hundred and sixty-three. I think I've aged well. Not as well as Carlisle, but we can't all be super model doctors."

* * *

Bella hadn't heard Jasper laugh very often and so when he seemed comfortable enough to do it now, she liked it. It was the same effect seeing her laugh had on him. It was strange, but at the same time, it was somehow familiar. Another one of those contradictions she kept feeling like she came across.

She was the one laughing when he told her his age and followed it up by cracking jokes. It was something else she hadn't expected of Jasper. Part of her felt badly for never giving him enough credit before. She'd judged him just like a lot of their peers probably did in high school – he was always stoic and serious, quiet and almost… constant in his mannerisms. But she had been very wrong as she was slowly learning. He was more light-hearted than she ever expected and he was also quite conversational. It was nice to have their talks when she was about to go to sleep, and she had a feeling that car rides like this one to school would provide more chances for them.

"You know you really don't look a day over one hundred and sixty," she said reaching over and playfully giving his arm a push. The gesture alone was indicative of how comfortable she felt with him. It was as if they were really friends now and as if they had been for quite some time.

Bella wasn't sure where he had planned to get coffee, but Forks wasn't that big of a town. In the short time they'd been driving, they'd already circled it more than once and he still hadn't slowed the car at all. Bella wasn't complaining in the least. She would take having these conversations any day in comparison to the alternative of being looked at like a freak at school. For that reason, she didn't point it out.

* * *

Jasper's lips curled into a grin. He couldn't really remember the last time his mood had been lifted this much. He wasn't feeling miserable. It almost felt abnormal because he was so used to being unhappy lately. Yet as abnormal as it was, it felt natural. It was a very strange contradiction that he would probably brood over later after he finally did drop her off at school, but until then he decided he just wanted to enjoy it for what it was.

"It's the hair. It gives me that whole, innocent boy edge." He passed a hand through his curls to mock-emphasize the point. Then he simply had to laugh at how absurd that was, since he knew he gave off a vibe that was anything but innocent.

It felt.. really good to laugh. Despite what he often put off about himself, Jasper was actually very conversational when he wanted to be. One of his most dominate traits as a human was the fact that he was very, very charismatic. He'd been a real charmer, and could talk his way in or out of almost any situation. That was how he'd managed to get into the army as a sixteen year old.

He took a quick glance at his watch and his grin lessened a little.

"All right. Let's get you caffeinated." He turned the corner and pulled into the coffee shop. "You should probably have a pastry too, for the sugar." He pulled in behind another car in the drive thru, where they'd have enough time to wait while she decided what she wanted. He scrunched his nose as the scent from inside the building reached his nostrils. It smelled horrible to him, but that was the way all human food smelled. "Anything you want. You deserve it for indulging me with your company and missing your first class."

* * *

"That must be it," Bella said, referencing his hair.

She could have seen how that would become a reason for people to think he was 'innocent' if they were to get that impression. The blonde curls gave him a boyish quality, but somehow, he didn't look at all childish with them. Instead, they made him look quite handsome, framed against his pale skin. Bella was definitely beginning to get glimpses of the charm he maintained as well. She imagined that if he wanted to, he could be very convincing with it. That must have been something to be proud of – the gift to make people do what you wanted them to do just being speaking persuasively. If Bella could do that, she would never have to worry about convincing Jasper he needed to hunt anymore. She wouldn't have to worry about a lot of things, come to think of it. When someone asked her if she was all right, she would just say yes and they would believe her instead of continuing to pry. She hated that.

"Oh yes," she said, nodding when they got to the line. "Caffeine and sugar together. You're going to send me to school bouncing off the walls," she said with a chuckle. Bella noticed the way his nose scrunched and she took it to mean that the smell was not something he enjoyed. On the other hand to her, it smelled almost heavenly. She'd eaten a bowl of cereal before she left that morning, but her stomach growled at the scent of the delicious sweets.

"Just a coffee with cream and sugar and a croissant please," she said gratefully. It was nice of him to treat her like that, especially when he said it was on account of the fact that she was stuck spending time with him.

As soon as he'd placed the order, she corrected him. "If anyone deserves something, it's you," she said. "Thank you for taking me to school," she said seriously. "Or you know, _not _taking me," she added with a grin at the corner of her lips.

She thanked him again when he picked up the order and handed it over to her. Bella nestled the bag with the pastry carefully in her lap and held onto the coffee with both hands. She planned to keep it until she actually got to school, not wanting to chance ruining his car by spilling anything. It was Bella after all. She wasn't exactly known for her grace.

"What are your plans today?" she asked conversationally as they headed to the high school.

* * *

Jasper chuckled lightly at the thought of Bella bouncing off the walls while she tried to sit through class. He ordered what she requested and pulled around, paid the person at the window after flashing a charming smile, then received her order. He handed it to her and then pulled back out onto the road. This time, he did head in the direction of the school. It was kind of a let down, as he found he would miss having her company nearby. He knew he was going to pick her up in a few hours, but filling that gap of time would be strange for him. After all, he'd been spending almost every day with Bella since that night at the meadow, only leaving when he had to go hunting.

"I'll probably go back to your house," he replied. "I don't want to leave it unattended for too long." He didn't want to bring up the somewhat frightening memory of having her room invaded by an unknown vampire, potentially killing their light mood. She'd asked, though, and that was the truth. "Emmett wanted to get a better feel of the property, so he might come by."

Jasper turned onto the road that would take him to the school. For some reason, he felt a lump of dread rising in his throat. He didn't want to send her off. Bella had become the focus of his attention. She was what was driving him to keep going. He liked protecting her and being _useful_. He had a purpose as long as he was with her, and that meant a lot to him. With her going off to school, he wouldn't be able to be near her and it bothered him. He suddenly wished his car was more inconspicuous so he could wait in the parking lot. At least he'd be close, in case she needed him.

Turning into the school, he set his jaw so as not to give away his sadness that their time together that morning had drawn to a close. "I'll be here to pick you up after school, but.." he hesitated, again, not wanting to bring up anything unpleasant but at the same time wanting to make sure she knew he would be there if she needed him. He stopped the car in front of the school.

"If being here becomes something that you don't want, just call. ..Here." He put the car in park, then leaned over to open the glove compartment. He pulled out a small pad of paper and a pen, then closed it and scrawled his cell phone number on it. "Call me and I'll come get you."

* * *

It was funny, but Bella was almost… _jealous _of Emmett. When Jasper pulled into the school, she started to think that this had been a very bad idea. Suddenly, she wished she had never suggested it, never allowed Charlie to make the calls to get her back into the schedule. She wanted to be the one spending the day with Jasper. She wanted to ask him to turn around and drive back to the house and the two of them could have sat in the kitchen when she had her coffee and pastry while Charlie remained blissfully unaware at work. Bella, for once, cursed herself for being a responsible person and coming to terms with the fact that she couldn't back out now, as much as the heavy weight in the pit of her stomach made her desire to.

Taking a deep breath, she let it out with a sigh. She could do this. She would be fine. Bella was stronger than this. She would be fine. It was a mantra she kept repeating to herself.

Watching as he wrote down his number, she thanked him after she took it and safely tucked it away in her jacket pocket. Collecting her pastry bag, coffee, and backpack, she balanced the three carefully and got out of the car.

"Thanks again for driving me, Jas," she said, giving him a brave smile. "Have fun with Emmett, but make sure you don't let him go rooting around my room. The last time he was over to keep watch, he threatened to download sick stuff on my computer." Smiling again, a bit more genuinely at the thought of Emmett's dirty mind, she gave Jasper a little wave and turned to face reality.

The had gone just about how Bella expected. There were hundreds of stares, dozens of whispers, and a lot of overcompensating. Mike Newton didn't leave her side in any of the classes her had with her. Jessica, too, seemed to be a lot nicer than she was the last time Bella had seen her before spring break. Because of how distant she had been in the fall, Jessica wasn't a big fan of Bella any longer. It seemed that had changed – or at least, it seemed that way on the surface. Bella realized that the majority of the people who were going out of their way to comfort her and make sure she was okay were just doing so to make _themselves _look better by appearing as good friends. Or else a couple of them were just hoping to get more information about Edward and Alice's death.

There were some, though, who genuinely cared. Angela met Bella in her second class – history, which caused the brunette to grin when she thought of Jasper – and enveloped her in a hug, whispering her excitement that her friend had decided to return to school and that she'd missed her. Bella had really missed Angela too. It was nice to be greeted with something other than condolences. Angela had given those too in the time after Edward's death, cards and sentiments that touched Bella's heart, even though it had been shredded to pieces. Each class, she had to meet with the teacher afterward for a few minutes to go over what work they expected her to catch up with. A few of them were lenient, a few were not. One who was not was the phys ed. teacher. Though that was one class that Bella didn't have to worry about making up lost ground in, she was not going to be excused from participating in any way.

After she had managed to skin her knees after tripping over one of the mock bases for baseball in the gym, the day finally ended. And it wasn't soon enough in her opinion. With Mike tagging at her side and chattering on about his weekend plans, Bella was only half paying attention as she walked out to look for Jasper. She couldn't wait to see him again and knowing that she was about to seemed to make her anxious.

But before she had a chance to glimpse his familiar face, another one stepped in front of her. "Heya, Bells!" Earning a surprised look from her and an annoyed look from Mike, stood Jacob Black.

* * *

As he said, Jasper went back to Bella's house after dropping her off at school. As always, he parked on a different street and walked over. Now that Charlie knew what his car looked like, he had to take extra care to keep it far out of sight so as to not draw any suspicion of him being in the house when he shouldn't be. Emmett had come by about an hour after Jasper got back. They roamed the property, then walked through the house together. It was nice having his brother there, and helped to pass the time while Bella was in school. She was never far from his thoughts, though.

After Emmett left, Jasper kept watch. He was always courteous when he stayed in her room, never poking around in any of her things or even engaging in the activities she'd expressed were okay for him to indulge in. He didn't read, he didn't relax, he didn't turn on her computer. All of these things were his preferred way to spend his leisure time, but Jasper had a responsibility to watch over her house, and he didn't want to stray from that. One stray glance and he might miss an impending threat.

Fortunately, time did pass, and he eventually found himself walking quickly to his car to drive back to the high school where Bella had spent her day. He drove much faster than he had that morning, cutting turns and weaving around traffic. He felt light hearted as he drew closer to the school building. Something about having Bella with him made him feel better. It was his protective nature, he knew, but he also felt like it was something more than that which he couldn't quite place. It was almost as if his heart would've sped up had it been beating.

He'd stopped just outside the parking lot to put the top down on his car, which took a little more time because he had to do it manually and with great care. As he got back into the car, preparing to pull into the parking lot, his light heartedness faded. It wasn't because of all the thumping heartbeats that were pounding in his ears, or the rush of emotions he felt from the students being excited that school was out for the day. It was the _stench_ of dog that had been carried on a passing breeze that put him off. What the _hell _was the dog doing there? Jasper stepped a little harder on the gas pedal as he pulled into the parking lot right up to where Bella had come out.

That tool Mike Newton was with her. Jasper didn't know him personally but knew him through association. It was a small town, after all. His parents owned a store or something. He posed no threat. It was the dark haired boy who had for whatever reason shown up there that put Jasper on edge. He shut off the ignition to his car and got out, shutting the door and walking up to the scene that was unfolding in front of him. Jacob was saying something about taking Bella with him. Jasper did not like that at all. He'd tensed, his jaw set and his eyes slightly narrowed.

"Bella," he announced his presence, though that probably hadn't been necessary with his entrance being so abrupt. "Ready to go?"

* * *

Jasper's timing had been perfect. Or maybe it was imperfect. It depended on how one looked at the situation. Bella had been so eager to get out of the school and to see him, that she didn't assume there would be any complications on the way. Jake was a complication. It didn't matter if the two of them had never interacted between, or probably even met for that matter (as far as Bella knew). It was the fact that Jasper was a vampire and Jake was a wolf – they were made to hate the other. It seemed, just by one look on each of their faces that they were keeping up with this idea.

Poor Mike Newton. He knew when it was time to get out of there. In the classroom he might have had the upper hand simply on account of the fact that neither Jasper nor Jacob was able to be there. But when it came to outside, he immediately learned that he wouldn't win any battle between a model-like Cullen and a beefy kid from La Push.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Bella," he said before making a hasty exit to his car where, like the rest of the kids that were assembled in the parking lot, were staring at the scene by the doors.

Bella nodded to him before fixating her gaze on Jasper. Immediately, she felt relieved, even though there was obvious tension surrounding the three of them. It was amazing how he seemed to have that effect, but Bella attributed it to the fact that she was so used to spending so much time with that, that it didn't seem right when he was gone for a significant period of time. Either way, she was glad he was back. So much so, that she nodded to him and grinned to assure him everything was all right before turning to address Jake.

"Jake… Jasper planned on picking me up today," she said softly. She didn't want to hurt him after all. He was still her best friend.

Jacob was still staring down the Cullen, trying to keep his cool but having a difficult time. Who was this clown? Why did he keep showing up when he wasn't wanted _or _needed? He didn't look that big to him. He was a skinny one. How hard would it be to tear his limbs apart one by-

"Jake?" Bella called again, tugging on his arm. He'd been so fixated on his bitter thoughts about attacking that blonde freak that he'd missed her calling him the first time. Looking back at her, he looked confused. "Tomorrow?" she said again. "We can hang out after school?"

At this, Jacob's expression changed altogether. Jasper didn't exist until he turned to give him a smug look. "Count on it, Bells. We'll hang all night."

Grinning at him, Bella agreed. She was eager to leave before anything bad could happen. "Ready when you are," she said to Jasper.

* * *

Mike Newton wasn't even worth watching as he walked off to no doubt go sulk. Jasper could feel his sense of defeat and that was enough for him. It wasn't as if he posed a real threat to Bella anyway, except perhaps a minor annoyance. Jacob Black was who Jasper was mostly concerned with. He didn't know him from the next dog he might meet, but he did know that he had a thing for Bella. He could feel it radiating off him in all directions and it made Jasper sick to his stomach. He reasoned that it was a combination of his natural born hatred towards werewolves and the fact that his motives seemed nothing but completely selfish. Yes, those were the reasons. Nothing else. It had nothing to do with the pull from his own heart.

The fact that Bella had just made plans with him was also a bit unsettling. Jasper didn't like that idea at all. Not just because he hated dogs, but because if she went to the reservation where Jacob lived, Jasper couldn't follow her. He would be forced to pace the border dividing their territory until she came back, and he knew it would drive him nuts. Did that dog have any idea of the potential danger Bella was in? He probably didn't care. Over confident mutt probably thought he knew everything there was to know about vampires when his knowledge was probably extremely biased and inaccurate at that. Jasper wanted to say something. He wanted to snap his teeth at Jacob and remind him that while the dark haired boy had to phase into a beast to even remotely pose a threat to him, Jasper needed nothing but himself to tear him apart. All he had to do was bite him once and his lethal venom would do the trick.

Words were on the tip of his tongue. He wanted so badly to retort with the fact that he'd see Bella back in her room when she returned home, but, he didn't. First of all, petty throw outs like that showed a lack of confidence. Apparently Jacob felt he had to make it known that he could hold Bella's attention for several hours at a time. Bella was not an object to Jasper, and he would not speak of her in such a way. The other reason? She wasn't his. Jasper did not have any sort of tie to her in that regard. They had become friends, and had gotten considerably closer over the last several weeks, but she did not owe him anything. She could do as she pleased. He just hoped that she would exude caution. That didn't mean this didn't bother him.

Jasper just sent Jacob another look of warning and very faintly curled his lips back in a slight snarl as he turned towards the car. As soon as his back was turned the expression was gone, returning to one of stoicism. He opened the door for Bella and allowed her to get in, then moved to the driver's seat, turned on the car, and peeled out of the parking lot without looking back.

When Bella was situated in the front seat and Jasper had pulled away, she turned to look over at him. For a moment, she debated on whether or not she should say anything about Jacob being there. She hadn't expected that to transpire when she came out of the building and she definitely didn't expect to see Jasper have such a problem with it. Well, she was making an assumption that he had something of a problem with it. Judging by the expression she'd caught on his face when he faced Jake was a pretty big clue.

Finally, she decided she should open her mouth. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Bella was genuinely concerned about him. The last thing she wanted to do was make him feel uncomfortable. She feared she might have in some way, shape, or form and now she worried over it. The last time Jasper was not at ease with her, he left for weeks. Granted, that had been an extremely emotional time for him, but it was still something that occurred because of her. Since then – or rather, since he came to find her in the meadow – Bella had become obsessed with keeping him calm. She'd kept her word about asking him whether or not he'd hunted recently and because of his eye shade, she could always tell when he had or hadn't. But aside from that, she tried to be whatever he needed – a friend, someone to talk or listen to, just another body in the room so that he wouldn't feel like he was completely alone. She didn't want to jeopardize that and so her concern was warranted.

* * *

Jasper had to be careful not to grip the steering wheel too hard. There was a chance he could break it, and his car did not deserve his wrath. Jacob's neck might have, but not his precious Annabelle - the name he'd given to his car. He had to calm down about this. He did not want to upset or worry Bella and that seemed to be exactly what he was doing. He could feel her concern, which seemed to almost feel like guilt. Had she thought she'd done something wrong? Jasper silently cursed himself. He hadn't meant to make her feel bad. He was just worried and he didn't know how to make right of this situation. The hatred between the wolves and his own kind complicated everything, and it made things difficult that Bella had gotten unknowingly mixed up between the two species. He really didn't know what to do except try to calm himself down as much as possible.

"Yes, of course," he replied, trying to sound as 'okay' as he could. He felt terrible for causing her any worry. She shouldn't have to stress any over something between his kind and the dogs. She had enough looming over her without adding that to it. Jasper loosened his grip on the steering wheel and used a bit of his power on himself. It was just like putting a band-aid on a wound.

...At that thought, he was suddenly very aware of a strong scent right next to him. "Did you hurt yourself today?"Jasper didn't know she'd scraped her knees, but her scent was particularly strong. She wasn't bleeding anymore, but he could tell that she had. It made him very, very apprehensive about being in the car with her, and he'd just calmed himself down.

His throat burned. It burned _badly, _but somehow, he was keeping it under control. Perhaps because there was no blood spilling from whatever injury she'd sustained, or maybe he was just still so angry about Jacob that it was overpowering it. He had just hunted, so his thirst wasn't at its worst, but that didn't mean this wasn't a very risky situation.

* * *

Bella didn't know if she was fully convinced that he was all right, but she tried to trust him. If he claimed that he was fine, then she wouldn't press the issue. Still, she tucked the memory of the confrontation in the back of her mind and told herself to remain aware of it. Hopefully, that would have been the last time the two of them encountered one another in such close proximity, but somehow, Bella really doubted that. Jasper was over every single day – and night – and Jacob was bound to cross his path every so often.

She couldn't think about it at all when Jasper asked if she'd somehow hurt herself earlier. Immediately she recalled her mishap in gym class. Clapping her hands over her knees which were further concealed by her jeans, her eyes widened. "Yes," she said. "I… I tripped in gym," she said.

Bella held her hands so tightly against the fabric that it burned, as panic started to rise within her. She didn't even think about that when she'd gotten in the car. How could she have been so stupid to forget? All it had taken last time was one little drop of her blood from a paper cut. Just one tiny drop.

"I'm sorry," she said hastily. "I… I didn't think about it. I'm… I'll get out of the car, Jasper. Just slow down," she said. What else could she have done? This had the potential to be disastrous. Worse than that – Fatal.

She hated that she was fearing him, but she couldn't help it. A flashback of her birthday party crossed through her mind. It wasn't that Bella didn't trust Jasper – she did. But it was in his nature to hunt and she was currently the wounded prey. Though she wanted to think she had some kind of idea about the struggle he would have to wage with himself not to act on his thirst, she couldn't even begin to comprehend it.

"I can go back," she said. "I'll walk." Her voice almost sounded like it was pleading.

* * *

There were moments in time when Jasper absolutely hated himself. This was one of them. He hated being weak, and that was exactly what he was when it came to his thirst. He hated that after all this time, he still struggled with it no matter how hard he tried to keep it under control. It was so disheartening whenever it flared up because he knew it was just his weakness. Carlisle always told him to give it time, and that he was to be commended for the progress he'd made given the way he was raised, but Jasper was so critical of himself that he never praised himself for his efforts. It wasn't enough. Apparently it would never be enough.

Bella's fear wrapped around him and it felt like he was being suffocated. He was a monster, and he knew that. But it was entirely different when someone _else _felt that way too. And while Bella might deny it up and down, her fear spoke for itself. He didn't blame her for it one bit. He'd nearly killed her before. What was to say he wouldn't turn on her in the car now and feast on the blood he'd missed out on once before. Maybe this was too much for him. He'd been enjoying Bella's company more than he even realized, but maybe he wasn't ready for it. Who was he kidding? He was the weakest link in the Cullen chain, and he always would be.

"N-No, that won't be necessary," he replied. "If you can just stay still, I can get you home. The top is down, and I can stop breathing."

If the wind kept blowing and he shut off his oxygen, he should be able to get to her house. He wouldn't be able to go in with her right away, but he'd wait until she had the time to clean her scrapes and bandage them. That is, if she still wanted him around. He wasn't going to make assumptions. He'd just wait outside until Carlisle could come.

"Unless you'd prefer I pull over. I understand, believe me."

* * *

Bella was afraid, yes. But he was misinterpreting _all _of her fear. She was afraid of what he would think of her after this. How could she have been so careless? She should have thought about her previous injuries right away, not waited until his senses clued him into the fact that something happened earlier that wouldn't bode well for the two of them now. What would this mean? She didn't doubt him when he said he would be able to get her home without incident. Bella had been telling the truth when she said she trusted him.

But what would happen once they got there? What would happen once her cuts were cleaned and taken care of? Would he be too worried about the potential downfall that could have been engaged if he didn't control his thirst? Would Jasper be too fearful that he could hurt her that he would distance himself? The thought made Bella sick to her stomach. It had been bad enough when she drove him away unintentionally before by telling the truth. But it wouldn't compare to how it would feel now. The two of them had gotten significantly closer in the time that lapsed since the day in the cemetery. Bella wasn't ready to give that up – She wasn't even ready to entertain the _possibility _of it. But it became apparent that she might have to.

This wasn't doing anything positive for her emotions, or the way that they were being portrayed to him. "I'm fine," she said, not wanting to get out of the car even though it probably would have been the best option for both of them. She bit her lip and stared forward at the road the entire rest of the way to her house. All the while, her hands were secured to her knees. She would gladly endure the sting from the cuts if it meant she didn't have to endure the sting of losing Jasper. That would be a hell of a lot more than just a scraped knee.

As soon as he pulled up to the house, Bella jumped out of the car. "I'll be back," she promised. "I'll take care of it." She didn't bother to even grab her backpack. What Bella did manage, was to pause near the door of her house to face him.

"Please don't leave," she pleaded back to him. It wasn't a shout, but he would be able to hear it.

* * *

Jasper cut off the flow of oxygen to his lungs and looked forward, trying as hard as he possibly could to focus on driving, the number of cars they passed, counting stop lights, anything he could to keep his mind off the burning in his throat. It was incredibly difficult, when every natural instinct in his body was telling him to kill. He was a predator, she was the prey. It didn't take much logic to figure that out. He just needed to get her to the house. If he could do that without incident, he'd feel some better.

She was scared and worrying, and it was making Jasper anxious. He couldn't take the time to try to calm her, because all he could do was try to distract himself from her. His grip on the steering wheel was tighter than ever, and he was driving a bit faster than he would've normally with her in the car. Once they got to her house, he said nothing as she assured him she'd take care of it and clean the wound. He couldn't chance taking in oxygen at the moment. Not until she was inside the house. It did make him feel a little better when she asked him not to leave. Though, that could've been attributed to guilt.

He was torn with whether or not to call Carlisle. Jasper didn't know if he'd be able to handle this. Even if she cleaned the wound, there was still a chance he could hurt her. What was he to do? He didn't want to leave, but he also felt compelled to for her sake. He felt horrible for putting her in such an uncomfortable and anxiety-filled situation. Guilt was overwhelming him. Jasper hated this side of himself. He hated what he was, and hated the thirst. He hated his weakness. He did get out of the car, however, and took her backpack up to the door. Jasper then moved to lean against one of the trees in the yard. He wouldn't leave yet, as she'd asked him not to. But he couldn't guarantee he'd be able to stay. It would be touch and go, depending on how badly her scent affected him when she reemerged from he house.

* * *

A sigh left Bella's lips when she closed the door behind her. Leaning back against it, she closed her eyes, banging her head back to give her foolishness a physical form. There was no telling whether or not Jasper would end up listening to her and staying. She knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she would be devastated if he didn't take her meek plea to stay into consideration. One thing was for certain – she wouldn't know if she continued to just stand there. Her knees stung as she hurried up the steps. She had to be careful and do a good job of cleaning herself up, she knew. But she also couldn't help but to feel rushed to do so.

Unbuttoning her jeans, she pushed them down her hips and stepped out of them. Standing on her toes, she fished around in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom until she found what she needed. Closing the toilet seat, she sat down and propping her feet up on the bathtub, she examined the damaged. The cuts weren't really that bad. They would bruise more than anything and had already started to color slightly. One of them started bleeding again, no doubt from the pressure she'd applied to them so tightly with her fingers as well as the friction with the material of her jeans. Unscrewing the cap in the hydrogen peroxide, she poured some into wad of cotton. It burned and Bella hissed when she cleaned it. It didn't help that she'd used an exceptional amount. She thought that it might have been able to help with the scent. If she used enough and the smell of the peroxide was strong, it would hopefully mask the scent of blood better. It hurt. But, gritting her teeth, she cleaned both knees, sure to erase any traces of blood, before putting band-aids on both of them. Surveying them closely, she decided that that was the best she could have done.

She flushed the dirty cotton down the toilet, getting rid of it entirely. Her heart, she noticed then, was pounding with nerves. What _if_he left? She started for the stairs again and groaned in frustration when she noticed she was missing something. Doubling back to her room, she pulled open her drawers and fished out a pair of shorts. She started to step into them when she decided against it. Pants would be better. It would be another shield against the wound. Groaning again, her anxiety rose with the more time she wasted. The only pants she could find that were closest were a pair of pajama bottoms. She didn't care if they were old and faded and that it was the middle of the afternoon. Pulling them on, she hurried back down the steps, clutching onto the railing for dear life. All she needed was to trip again and cause a bigger accident. Jasper definitely would have been long gone if that was the case.

It was like someone dowsed her with a cool splash of water to sooth her heated nerves when she saw him leaning against that tree. A sigh of relief left her mouth and she closed her eyes to calm herself for a moment, settling down with the assurance he was still there. Upon opening them, she approached him slowly, barefoot and all.

"They're fixed now," she said to reassure him. "Are you… How are you feeling?" She wanted to close the distance between them further, but Bella hesitated, not wanting to overwhelm him.

* * *

Waiting for her to come back, Jasper suddenly felt as though he was aware of time. It wasn't a concept that vampires grasped onto very often, but he seemed to sense each minute as it ticked by. He was nervous, and with good reason. He was terrified he was going to slip up and harm her, kill her. He didn't think he'd be able to take that. He wouldn't go to the lengths Edward did to try to kill himself. He'd just light a fire and end it all himself. But he was trying not to think of those horrible things. Instead he just kept reciting the alphabet and as many words as he could in the different languages to distract himself.

He could feel her anxiety still, and knew she must have been running around the house trying to fix herself up. Her heartbeat was going rampant, which didn't do much to help soothe his nerves, but he knew that wasn't something she could help. He just had to endure this, and he would do his best to withstand the pain and temptation. He _would _withstand it. He had to. There was this intense desire to protect her that resonated within him, and he thought that it might even be strong enough to contend with his thirst. It certainly had come into play while they were in the car, and it was doing so now as well.

As she came out of the house again, Jasper looked up. Her heartbeat was still pounding, but it wasn't quite as bad as it had been. She seemed a little bit calmer, but he could still sense her fear and nerves. She'd settled down a little, which was good. There was a very strong scent of peroxide. It wasn't as potent as her blood, but it did take away from it. Jasper didn't feel much of an urge to lunge on her anymore, at least.

"Better," he replied honestly. "Except.." he looked down at the ground. "That shouldn't have happened. I'm.. ..so sorry. There's no excuse and you don't have to accept my apology. I just needed to make it."

* * *

Another sigh of relief when he said he was feeling better. She took that as the opportunity to step closer to him, especially when he went so far as to apologize. Bella needed to contradict that right away before he could convince himself to believe things that weren't true. "No, Jasper, please," she said. "You don't have anything to apologize for. I should have stopped to think instead of being a complete idiot and getting in the car," she said. "Really, don't be sorry. _I'm _sorry."

It seemed like they'd had this conversation before. Maybe they would have a similar one a thousand more times before either of them just accepted the fact that the other one would always hold the same guilt as they did.

"Do you want to come in?" she asked, nodding her head toward the door. She didn't want to pressure him, especially if he thought that he still wasn't ready to be close to her after he'd struggled with his thirst, but she also wanted to assure him that she wanted him there. There were a lot of things she wanted to sat him in order to do that – Bella wouldn't mind if she had to spend the entire night trying to convince him that she wasn't afraid for all the reasons he may have thought.

* * *

Jasper felt he had everything to be sorry for. They seemed to play this game more often than not. They hadn't for a while; not since they'd started getting closer to each other and enjoying each other's company more. However, now that they had been faced with one of the hardships that came along with the territory, the apologizing and the guilt had commenced. The two of them would blame themselves regardless of what the other said, it seemed.

"I think we will have to agree to disagree on the matter. I don't believe you have anything to be sorry for, either."

As she asked if he wanted to go in, Jasper almost felt like turning to hold onto the tree or retreating back to his car. Of course he wanted to go inside. He wanted to go in with her and have things go back to what had become normal for them; spending the evenings together and then him sitting with her as she slept. He didn't want to think about tomorrow when she'd go to see the dog. It would just make him upset. He wanted to focus on the now, but was it a good idea for him to go with her? What if her wound reopened? There was no one there to stop him if he lunged at her. It would be completely irresponsible of him to follow her now.

"All right," he said, anyway. He'd listened to his heart instead of his head. It was a decision he silently prayed he wouldn't regret.

* * *

Bella wondered how many times she'd left her heart lead instead of her head. While she had a fairly sturdy one on her shoulders, she recently started leading with her heart. Ever since she'd come to Forks, it seemed that had been the case. If Bella had ever thought logically, she would have listened to Edward the first time he told her that they shouldn't be friends. When she found out the secret about him and his family, she would have turned her back and never looked back for a second. But she didn't. She had listened to her heart. Of course, when one listened to their heart as opposed to any other force, there was always the easy chance that it could be broken when things didn't go according to plan. That had been what happened to her when Edward left. That had been what happened to her when Edward _died_. She knew it was the same for Jasper in regard to Alice's death. How could one so easily dip back into feeling things instead of thinking them through after such a tragedy?

But it was because of her feelings that Bella felt so close to Jasper now. Again, if she had listened to her head, she probably wouldn't have been. She would still be keeping her emotions bottled inside of her like a tightly wound screw waiting to be unleashed. Instead, because of him, she had long since allowed herself to hit rock bottom and from there, learn to pick herself back up. Granted, picking herself back up was a lot easier when she had a support system named Jasper.

Now was another time when she probably should have been taking a step back to think through her invitation into the house after they had a near-death incident. But she couldn't find herself being anything other than pleased when he agreed to come inside. Yes, there was danger. There probably always would be. He could turn on her any second. She could have an accident just as easily as she did on her birthday and nature would takes it course to end her life by his hand. He was designed for that. She would never blame him for that. All of these reasons why she should have just said she would see him another time and that he should send someone else to guard the house. And yet, she ignored them all.

It was a risk that Bella was willing to take.

**Author's Note: **Hope you guys liked the chapter! All we will say about the next one is that you will definitely enjoy it. ;) Please review, follow, and favorite! Cheers.

**Lyrics:** Jack's Mannequin - Rescued


	6. Chapter 6

_I'm miles away from where you are_  
_I lay down on the cold ground_

_and I pray that something picks me up and_  
_sets me down in your warm arms ;;_

Dropping Bella off at school that morning had been difficult. Jasper wasn't really sure why he was having such a hard time parting from her, but he did know that today was different because once she got out of the car, he wasn't going to see her for a long time. Jacob Black was picking her up and taking her god knows where, and he couldn't follow. He couldn't even object to it even though a voice inside his head was telling him he really ought to speak his concern. Bella's safety was of course his main priority. He couldn't protect her if she was with Jacob on his reservation. The only reason he really hadn't said anything to Bella, was that he knew she would probably be safe if she was there. If a vampire showed up on the wolves' territory, they'd probably be able to take care of it. She wouldn't be touched. What bothered him was that he couldn't be the one to protect her, should that happen.

His mind and his heart had been at odds with each other all day. His heart was telling him to go get her, to tell her not to go with Jacob and come home with him. Jasper didn't understand _why_ he was feeling so strongly about having her with him. He knew he was fond of her and they'd grown close, but he had not allowed himself to process it further than that. His mind was reasoning with him that Bella was capable of doing what she wanted. If she wanted to hang out with Jacob, then that was her right and Jasper had to accept that. No matter how much he wanted to protect her, be near her, and make sure she was all right, she wasn't _his_ to protect.

_What if she was? _he found himself thinking.

That thought stunned him. He'd literally frozen in place as soon as it processed. He must've been crazy.

In order to make both his mind and his heart shut the hell up, he went with Emmett to hunt. They were planning to stay out over night, make a little trip out of it. Jasper thought it would be good for him to get a little distance. He'd had a very overwhelming twenty four hours. The time didn't matter to him, but it was a lot to take in. Getting away and just letting his instincts run wild for a day seemed like a good way to have a break from it all. They'd left not long after Jasper dropped Bella off at school and spent a good portion of the day in the woods hunting bears. It was a great way for him to take out some of his aggression and Jasper wrestled down two bears before his thirst was considerably satiated.

But, it wasn't enough. His thirst was quenched, but hunting hadn't shut up his mind or his heart. He wasn't protecting Bella. He was away from her. Esme was waiting at the house for her to return and he fully trusted his mother's capabilities, but it wasn't enough for him. Not only that. He _missed _her. It was a startling revelation that Jasper wasn't even sure he was ready to accept, but there it was. He missed Bella. He wanted to see her. He.. needed.. to see her.

Apologizing to Emmett, he ended their trip early. The two drove back to the Cullen house, arriving late in the evening. Jasper wasn't sure if Bella would be back yet or not, but he knew he needed to clean himself up before he went over there. After being out in the woods, wrestling bears and drinking blood, he needed a shower. Once he'd cleaned up and changed his clothes, Jasper took off for Bella's house. He drove the familiar route at an accelerated speed, bypassing laws and regulated speed limits to get their as quickly as he could. Even if she wasn't there yet, being in her room would sustain him until she returned. He just hoped that she would be glad to see him. He parked two streets away and hurried the rest of the way on foot.

Upon arriving, he found Esme sitting comfortably and quietly in Bella's room. His mother was startled to see her son, but did not question him. Jasper tried to explain he just wanted to make sure that Bella had all the protection she could get and even expressed that Esme could stay if she wished, but she put a finger to her son's lips and smiled. She brushed a few stray curls from his eyes and told him goodnight, then left to return to the big white house in the woods outside of town. That left Jasper alone. Alone in Bella's room. This wasn't new to him at all. He'd spent more time in her room than he did at the Cullen house in the last several weeks. It was full of her scent, which wasn't as difficult for him to breathe in anymore. He'd come to find it almost.. comforting. It was so sweet and fragrant, he'd learned to cherish it rather than desire it. That didn't mean he trusted himself completely in her presence, but it was more progress than he expected from himself.

Charlie wasn't there. Jasper wasn't sure if he was on another over night trip or if he was just working late, but it didn't really matter. If he came home, Jasper would know before he even got close to the house. He wasn't concerned about Charlie's arrival. It was Bella who he wanted to see. Jasper took his seat in her window to wait, his head against the pillow she always kept there for him.

* * *

Jasper wasn't the only one who found that morning difficult. Bella quickly realized that while he was driving her, she was dreading school again. It wasn't so much on account of the fact that she had to go back. Actually, that wasn't it at all. She would suffer through it because she had to and it was necessary. But the heavy weight in her chest from worry was not because of the day at the high school. It was because it was a day without Jasper. Not only that, but it would be an entire _night _without Jasper.

Bella hadn't lied when she said she cared about Jacob. She truly did and he remained to be her good friend. He'd been there for her when nobody else seemed to be and for that, she would always be grateful. But with Jake, Bella learned, she never had such an anxious feeling to be away from him. She never had trouble concentrating because she was thinking about how many hours it would be that separated him from her. With Jasper, she did. The idea of being away from him for such a long time seemed like an eternity. All day, she had mentally kicked herself for making such definite plans the day before. At the time, she hadn't been fully thinking it through. She had just wanted to leave with Jasper before either of the men could do something hasty. If she had been thinking clearly, she would have told Jacob that of course they could hang out, but that it would be a little bit later in the evening so she still would have been able to drive home with Jasper. It would have been the smallest consolation.

It did made her feel somewhat better to know that he wouldn't just be there waiting for her. He was making a good use of his time by hunting with his brother and Bella fully supported this idea. She still worried about him and his eating habits. Not because she was concerned that she might be one course of his meal, but because she didn't want him to keep punishing himself by starving when he had no need to be punished in the first place. Saying goodbye had been difficult for certain but she managed with a promise that she would be just fine and that he should have some _fun _with Emmett. Bella didn't actually know if she would be okay. Of course she would be safe from harm, but she wasn't okay with being away from Jasper. He had become so familiar, such a normal part of her daily routine that she didn't quite know what to do without herself when he wasn't there. She was uneasy and unhappy, the opposite of what she was in his presence.

Jake knew something was wrong. Bella was distant and distracted and he didn't need any special abilities to clue him into that. He assumed it was because she missed the bloodsucker still. Not Jasper. Edward. Jake didn't know why she was still grieving when it had been months. But he did his damndest to take her mind off of any leeches. When he picked her up from school, he took her back to La Push. Billy had been equally as happy to see her as Jake was himself. Bella really had to struggle to pretend to be having a good time. It wasn't that she _wasn't_ enjoying herself - she really liked spending time in La Push after all and with Jake - but she couldn't help but think of Jasper. She knew she would be taken care of. But Bella also knew that if Jasper wasn't there, she wouldn't be taken care of by the person she wanted. Needed. Because that's how Bella came to feel. She _needed_ Jasper. He didn't understand the effect he had on her just by _sitting _with her. She never felt alone. She never felt like she was half of a missing person. She never felt like a walking open wound.

She just felt like Bella.

The night went a little bit quicker than Bella anticipated in regard to how anxious she was feeling. She wasn't anxious to get home since she knew Jasper wouldn't be there, but she knew Esme or Carlisle would have been. She could just ask them if he was doing all right. Of course he would have been; he was just hunting with Emmett. But asking would reassure her. More than once, she put her hand on her cell phone to debate calling him to check herself. She just wanted to hear his voice. But Bella didn't want to intrude. She was having personal time to herself with her friend and Jasper was having it by hunting with Emmett. The last thing she wanted to do was ever make him feel guilty for not being there. He needed to get away too. She understood that and refused to be selfish and mope about him being gone. It wouldn't be forever. She would see him the next day. That would be enough to give her something to look forward to. The night was spent with Jacob's friends, eating and sitting at a bon fire. Bella had to admit that she had fun and that it worked to distract her. Somewhat. Jasper was always in her thoughts.

It was late by the time she came back. She was puzzled not to see Charlie's car there. Instantly, she panicked, but as soon as she came into the house, a note had been waiting for her on the hallway table. He was gone overnight again for work. He promised he would call and check in on her first thing in the morning, but he wanted her to call him when she got in to ensure she was all right. Of course he loved and trusted Jake so he really had no worries. It was mainly just to calm his nerves at leaving his daughter at the last second. Bella pulled out her phone and went into the kitchen as she called, leaving her bag on the table. After talking to him for a few minutes, letting Charlie know she was all right, she moved up the stairs. Sighing, she opened her door, frowning into the darkness.

When she turned on the light, however, her heart stopped. There, in her window, was Jasper.

Such a flood of emotions hounded her all at once - surprise, excitement, confusion, calm, joy.

"Jasper?" she questioned as if she were seeing things. "I thought you were hunting tonight? Did you come back early?" A second passed before worry entered into the mix. "Is everything okay?"

What if something had happened and he was waiting to tell her. It was unlikely since he probably would have called in that case, but it was still a thought that came to Bella's mind as she approached him.

* * *

At least the dog didn't come inside. Jasper had heard the sound of Jacob's car (if you could call it that, _really_) when it turned onto her street. Immediately his anxiety spiked. He was nervous about seeing her. He'd have to explain why he was there and he wasn't even sure of the reason himself. He knew he missed her, he knew he wanted to be there for her always, but he didn't understand why. What was compelling him so much that it felt like his own immortality was in jeopardy if he wasn't there to protect her? How could he tell her that? He hoped he wouldn't have to. It wasn't something he could put into words yet. It was something he needed to figure out for himself first.

He heard her come in and stopped breathing. It wasn't because he was nervous about his thirst; he'd just taken down two grown grizzlies. It was because he was nervous to see _her_. Jasper waited, listening for her footsteps. He heard her walking around downstairs, and he heard her talking to Charlie to let him know that she made it home in one piece. He tapped his foot on the floor as he waited, but stopped, not wanting to make too much noise. He heard her coming up the steps then and then the short walk to her room. As soon as the door opened and she stepped in, he stood up. It was a habit, he'd been raised that way as a human and it was one of the traits that stuck with him throughout the years.

So much for stalling. She'd asked why he was there right off the bat. Not before she flooded him with several emotions, ranging from surprise to calm, to confused to worrying. It was a bit much all at once, but he handled it.

"Everything is fine for the time being," he replied. "We got lucky. I managed to get two bears right at the start. So did Emmett, so we came back early. Too many kills and it draws suspicion." Jasper had to breathe, of course, because he started talking. He noticed her... scent was... well, altered. He could still smell Bella, but there was a very strong presence of werewolf there too. He would endure it if he had to, but it was very potent.

"Did you have a pleasant evening?" he asked, then quickly stopped breathing again.

* * *

Calm replaced worry when he assured her that everything was fine. It seemed like he actually had a successful hunting trip as well. After he'd spoken, she leaned in a bit closer to look at his eyes as if she were measuring just how successful that trip had been. He must not have been lying - the shade of his eye color was no less than beautiful. Striking. Bella didn't realize she was staring so intently until he asked how her day had been as well.

"It was nice," she said, glancing away for a moment to break the intensity of her gaze. But she couldn't look away for long. His eyes were mesmerizing.

Because of this, it was a wonder that Bella registered the fact that she had just come home from being with Jake all evening. Not only Jake, but his whole pack as well. She must have, as Alice once told her, stunk. Bella couldn't smell anything different about herself, but the last thing she wanted was for Jasper to be so repulsed by her scent that he ended up leaving again. It didn't help that before she was out of the car, Jake hugged her tightly (obviously not realizing his strength as it had hurt just a bit).

"I'm sorry if I... smell bad," she said apologetically, taking a few steps back to give him some space. "I'm going to take a shower," she assured him, moving to her drawers to find some pajamas . Thankfully, ever since Edward revealed that he stayed in her room at night and made a habit of doing so the year before, Bella's wardrobe had improved at least as far as night clothes were concerned. Renee had a hand in that once Bella asked if she could send her the pajamas from Victoria's Secret her mother had gotten her one year. They'd never been worn before that. But when they were sent, there were several more sets along with them. Nothing fancy or scary of course. Just camisoles and bottoms that actually matched and didn't have holes in them or faded colors.

Pulling out a green set, she turned back to him, tucking the pj's in the crook of her arm. "I won't be long," she said. "Make yourself comfortable," she said, trying not to think of how awkward that sounded.

Make yourself comfortable in my room while I go and shower? Bella shook her head at her seemingly apparently oddness. She _did_ want him to be comfortable. He probably wasn't thinking anything strange about her words. Her mind was just dipping into things that it shouldn't have. There was no need to be awkward and as she left her room and turned on the shower, she scolded herself for feeling that way.

* * *

Jasper was glad that she had enjoyed herself. He of course would have preferred that he be with her, but as long as she was doing the things she liked and not being miserable and broken all alone, then that was a good thing. He wanted her to be happy and very much wanted to see her smiling again. He knew that deep down, even though he personally did not like Jacob at all, if Bella decided he was who made her happy, then that was the important thing. He would still protect her with his life, but he would do it from afar. Her safety and happiness were the priorities. His eyes were a rich shade of gold, similar to that of his hair but a little more vivid. It was a sharp contrast to the coal black that typically clouded his eyes these days. He realized Bella was looking at him a little longer than she usually did, but he tried not to think on that.

"Oh, Bella, it's not that. I mean, it.. it isn't your scent. It's _his _scent. It's just that since we're natural enemies, our scents repel one another. It sort of serves as a warning, so we know the other is close by." In other words, she did smell bad. But Jasper would never say that outright to a lady. That just wasn't possible, no matter how well he knew Bella by this point.

"Thank you," he said when she told him to make himself comfortable. The problem with that was, he didn't know how. To him, that would mean lying on her bed to stretch out his lanky limbs, but he thought that would be inappropriate. So he just.. returned to the window. He felt comfortable there because it meant he could keep an eye on things. It just felt safer and he felt it made them less vulnerable if he was keeping an eye out. Jasper leaned against the wall, resting his head on the pillow and stared out at the yard. It seemed silly, as she was just in the bathroom, but he already was starting to feel anxious again. She'd just appeared, and then dashed off so quickly. He knew it was because she felt bad about the dog smell and was trying to accommodate him, and that made him feel a little guilty. But once Bella decided she was going to do something, Jasper learned, there was really no stopping her. He smirked at the thought, then closed his eyes to rest more comfortably.

* * *

Bella loved showers.

They were such a good place to think. They were symbolic in that if anything negative was hanging on, you could just wash it away, send it down the drain with dirty water and forget about it for good. The water brought clarity and with it, comfort. Bella turned it to hot, letting the steady stream cascade over her shoulders, washing off the stress of the day that was spent without Jasper. For a few minutes, she just stood under the water and let it relax her. It was soothing, but then again, that also could have had something to do with the fact that Jasper was waiting for her. Her happiness at seeing him was still fresh, emphasized on account of the fact that it truly had been unexpected.

She was eager to see him, talk to him, but Bella wasn't really in a rush. She washed her hair and her body thoroughly, trying to eliminate the scent that lingered on her skin. There was really no way to tell whether or not she did a good job - again, she thought she smelled just fine - so she was blindly hoping. When she was finished, she turned the shower off and toweled herself dry. Dressing in her camisole and shorts, she fidgeted around with the pajamas, trying to get them to sit comfortably. They _were _nice to sleep in and they felt good against her freshly-showered skin. She would have to remember to thank Renee again for choosing wisely. Bella felt a little bit more... exposed than normally, but she still thought she was modest. There was no way she would have worn them otherwise. She toweled her long hair again, squeezing out the excess moisture but aside from that, didn't bother with it. Stopping by the mirror on the way out though, she frowned at it and scoffed at the way it didn't seem to lay right. Ignoring it, she pushed it over a shoulder and turned the light off.

Upon returning, the sight of Jasper in the window, leaning against her pillow - which was essentially his pillow now since he used it more than she did - with his eyes closed made her smile.

"I thought vampires didn't sleep," she said, closing her door. It wasn't really necessary since Charlie wasn't home, but it was just habit. Crossing the room, she joined him on the window seat, pulling her knees to her chest. "How are you supposed to be a good bodyguard if your eyes are closed?" she jested.

* * *

Jasper could hear the water running and the sound of the shower soothed him a bit. He could feel her happiness still and that made him feel indescribably good. He felt like he must've been doing something right if she was feeling so genuinely happy. That was what he wanted for her more than anything else, and getting to be a part of that happiness, no matter how small, was something he took to heart. It had been a very long time since Jasper was what he considered happy. He wasn't sure he was there yet, but because it had been such a long time since he was happy, it was hard to tell. He definitely felt lighter, and he felt more at ease. He wasn't falling apart at random anymore, crippled with sorrow. He still had his moments, but they were more controlled. He was able to bring himself out of them much easier than before. Having a purpose really made a difference.

Having Bella around truly made all the difference in the world.

When the water shut off, he knew she'd bee back soon and he continued to wait patiently. It really didn't matter how long it took, though he hoped it would be sooner rather than later that he got to see her. Jasper heard her enter the room and immediately he could tell a big difference. She smelled like her, and there was no invasion of wet dog mixed in with it. That was Bella, and that was much better. He didn't say anything about it though, because he really didn't want to admit that she'd smelled bad before. He waited until she crossed the room and sat down before his eyes opened slowly and he looked at her. She was so lovely to look at. Jasper had not truly ever given himself the opportunity to appreciate her beauty. It was understated, in a way that she probably didn't even realize how pretty she really was.

That was also very, well, Bella.

His lips curved more into a bit of a sideways smirk and he lightly tapped on the side of his head next to his ears. "I'll hear them before I see them," he replied matter-of-factly. "And when you take away one of your senses, the others become heightened. You have nothing to worry about, ma'am." He ducked back into his southern charm, giving a little nod of his head before leaning it back against her pillow.

* * *

Bella laughed quietly at his response. It wasn't as if she really doubted that he wasn't up to par on his watching practices. There was no doubt in her mind that she was safe. With Jasper, she was safe. The two of them talked for a little while and she simply enjoyed being in his company again. But, it had been a long day. Worrying about Jasper, she noted, took a lot out of her. Jake had also kept her busy when she went to visit him on the reservation. They'd eaten a lot; rather, Jake and the rest of the pack ate a lot while Bella and Emily watched in awe, Bella more so than the latter. But that, along with the running around had taken a toll on the brunette and she was feeling it now.

She cursed herself for it. She wanted to stay up and talk to Jasper more, sit with him and learn more about how his trip was with Emmett. Or they could have talked even more about how school had been that day for her, or even the weather for all she cared. Bella just wanted to be near him and hear his voice. But that voice was soothing to her and in this instance, it wasn't so beneficial for helping her to stay awake. She could feel her eyes start to get heavier and her shoulders to relax. Her skin was still very warm and flushed from the hot shower. Since it was nearing the middle of spring, the temperature outside had risen as well and so she was a little bit uncomfortable with the warmth, even though her pajamas weren't at all heavy or confining.

There was a bit of a relief though. Bella was too tired to really care that she probably should have thought things through better. Shifting, she moved a little bit closer to Jasper, tucking her legs beneath her. She could already feel the chill from his skin without even touching him and it, like his presence alone, soothed her. Her thoughts were becoming less and less clear and the hazy mood of feeling at ease made it incredibly difficult to concentrate anymore.

"You have an accent," she said after she yawned. Closing her eyes, she leaned her head against his shoulder. She took a deep breath, inhaling his scent which seemed to put her over the edge when it came to trying to fight to stay awake. Bella had obviously lost the battle and now, was merely succumbing to it. "It's Southern," she mumbled almost deliriously, already part of the way asleep with the way her cheek was cooled by pressing against his body. In a matter of seconds, Bella was out and not far off from beginning to dream.

* * *

Jasper was probably not as disappointed with her falling asleep as she was. He did want to talk to her, as he hadn't seen her for several hours and there was a lot of lost time to make up for. But for Jasper, he was just as content to sit in silence while she slept and watch over her. Even though he had quite a gift with words when he wanted to, he found he often didn't need them. That might have had to do with the fact that he could feel the emotions around him and therefore he knew the general idea of what was going on around him. Being able to communicate through emotions made words unnecessary. He didn't need to hear her say that she was calm. He could feel it through how relaxed she was. He could also feel that she was starting to drift off to sleep because he could sense how tired she was.

He'd expected this, but what caught him off guard was how close she got to him as she started dozing off. He passed it off as her just being tired and a bit unaware of what she was doing. It was true that they had gotten close since spending so much time together, but they didn't really initiate touch. She'd playfully punched his arm before, and of course while in the meadow he'd comforted her while she clung to him, and she'd consoled him in the cemetery. But this was different. There was no underlying motivation. She was just leaning on him.

Jasper felt something warm in his chest, and he couldn't quite place it. But it made him wonder if maybe it was a small piece of his heart trying to heal. It was nice feeling; one he did not try to fight. He simply sat very still and let her shift accordingly to get as comfortable as she could in this positioning. Jasper was not quick to respond, though. He did not want to disturb her, after all. He was compelled to put his arm around her, but he wasn't sure if she'd want him to. If her leaning and resting against him was not intentional, it would be very awkward if she woke up to find his arm around her. After all, there was a good chance that in her sleepy-state she was half-dreaming about Edward and placed him there instead of Jasper. He.. liked to think that wasn't the case, though, and that she felt comfortable with him enough to fall asleep.

* * *

For as tired as she was, it was no surprise that Bella soon started to dream. It was so rare that she had nights without them. Since Jasper had started staying with her, especially after the night in the meadow, they were less frequent. But they still existed. Another difference was that they were less horrifying. She couldn't remember the last time that one had been so bad that she awoke screaming. One of those that stuck out vividly in her mind had been the one after her emotional breakdown when she dreamt of Edward, Jasper, and ultimately Aro. That had been the same night she'd awoken to find her fingers in his. She remembered it being a morning where she felt the utmost calm, yet bewildered by his lingering presence.

The dream she had tonight seemed to contain a lot of symbolism. She was walking through the woods, seemingly for hours. Even while she was asleep, she could tell that she was lost. It felt like she'd been going in circles and circles with no real pathway to follow. Everything was black and white, the trees, the dirt, the sky - all devoid of color. Finally, she came to a clearing. A familiar one. The meadow. It didn't look quite how she remembered it, however. On one side, it was covered with daisies, so many it looked like a sea of them. On the other, it was wildflowers. Though like the daisies, they were absent of color, the shape and the patterns they made in the grass allowed her to know exactly what kind of flower they were.

Right in the middle was a golden path. Or at least, from far away, that's what it had looked like. What it was in actuality was hundreds and hundreds of daffodils. The color was so brilliant, it was nearly blinding. It was the only hint of color in her dream. As she stepped forward, the scent enveloped her, drawing her in to the middle of the field. There, in the very center of it all was Jasper. He was laying still, looking peaceful, like he was sleeping. His curls blended in with the gold of the flowers and his skin was so pale against them that he looked nothing less than angelic.

It was the most beautiful thing Bella had ever seen.

"Jasper," she said. It wasn't a question, but a statement, as if she had known he would be there all along and she hadn't needed to worry about not being able to find the way through the woods for so long. She mumbled the name aloud as she slept, but in her dream it had been spoken clearly, with purpose. All he did was open his eyes, ones that would have brought forth envy from the daffodils for the color of gold they were, and smiled at her.

'_Hi there, Bella._'

She didn't want to wake up. Not from this one.

* * *

Jasper was no stranger to watching Bella sleep. He'd seen her sleep several times over the course of his time spent with her. He wasn't even a stranger to her falling asleep on him, as she'd done that in the meadow. This was so very different from that, though. This was unlike any other night he'd spent with her. Jasper felt connected to her in a way he'd never felt before. He felt her, and her happiness as she dreamt. It was so very peaceful in comparison to when she had nightmares and the anxiousness he felt when she was sleeping alone.

He'd been very careful not to touch or wake her. If she was having a sweet, calming dream, then he wanted to make sure that she experienced it in the fullest. He wanted her to get as restful of a sleep as possible. And if she was dreaming of Edward? He wanted to make sure that she slept, but that he was there for her if she needed comforting upon awakening and finding out he wasn't really there. But it was not Edward that she was dreaming of, it seemed. For it was Jasper's name that she murmured so endearingly. It was surprising, to say the least. Pleasantly surprising.

Jasper couldn't help but touch her. He slid one arm around her to keep her braced against him. His other hand very gently brushed a stray few pieces of hair from her face. And very slowly, he leaned his head down to breathe in the scent of her hair, resting his cheek against the top of her head. He wished he could have seen her dream, but he'd settle for being able to feel what she was feeling as she slumbered.

* * *

For someone who literally had hundreds and hundreds of dreams, this would be one of Bella's favorites. It didn't end as soon as she had been expecting it to either, which was significant to her. Usually, it was the dreams that she wanted to last forever that ended too quickly and the ones she desperately wanted to wake from that lingered far too long. But this one was working out in her favor. It wasn't very eventful after she found Jasper and he greeted her. In the dream, she laid down beside him, curling up at his side.

It was too real almost. Bella swore she could actually feel him, shivering from the coolness of his skin. As she slept, she _did _start to shiver. When Jasper put his arm around her, she unconsciously leaned further into his touch, nestling her head against his chest. It explained the cold. While she had been far too warm when she was falling asleep, now it seemed to be the opposite. Her lack of heavier clothing and the open window in addition to the feel of Jasper were to blame. The only things she would have changed though, would have been the first two. Letting go of Jasper wasn't an option.

The cold was probably what was to blame for waking her. She didn't awake with a start. But slowly, her dream faded away and she was brought back to reality. For a couple of moments while she started to open her eyes and adjust them to the darkness, she didn't move further. Once she had become more aware of herself. Bella became more aware of Jasper as well. He was holding her. His arm was around her and he was resting with her just as he had been in her dream. But this wasn't a dream. When she blinked her eyes, she was sure of it.

Shifting slightly, she lifted her head to look at him. The moon was bright that evening and she could clearly seen his features in the light streaming through her window. "How do you feel about daffodils?" she asked.

It wouldn't make any sense to him, she was sure. But Bella couldn't get that dream out of her head. She had felt closer to Jasper than she ever had. It was a different sort of closeness, one that didn't just come as a result of proximity. It extended to something deeper.

It was her heart that felt the closest to him. In a way, it felt as if right now, he was the sole reason it was even beating.

* * *

Jasper should have thought about the cold. It was a mistake he wouldn't make repeat should this opportunity ever present itself again. He hoped it would. It was very unlike him to become attached like this, but once Jasper formed such an attachment it was something he didn't let go of easily. If he'd stopped to think about it he probably would have tried to resist. He didn't think he deserved to ever be close to anyone. He had a very difficult time feeling as if he was worthy of affection or closeness with others. This was something he'd been dealing with for decades.

Yet, he wasn't letting himself think about that right now. All he could think about was Bella. His mind was full of thoughts of her, how good it felt to be so close to her, how this was exactly what was missing from their bond before. He wouldn't let any other thoughts enter his mind if they didn't involve her and this moment right now. Jasper made no move to release her, though he was a little afraid when she stirred awake. Just because she was dreaming about him didn't mean she wanted him in the reality.

As she stirred, he lifted his head from resting on top of hers and looked down just in time to see her open her eyes. Her eyes were such a beautiful, deep, rich brown. He really, really wished he had taken the temperature into account, but it wasn't something he'd ever had to accommodate for before. That was no excuse, but it was the truth. He would learn and he would make up for it as best he could. For now though, he just wanted to look into her eyes.

"They're lovely," he replied softly. "But.. I'd rather be looking at you than a daffodil." Jasper lifted his free had to very gingerly brush his fingertips against her cheek. His golden gaze never left her eyes. He felt so emotionally connected to her just then, it was almost unreal.

"Bella..." had she not been sitting so close to him she probably wouldn't have heard him whisper her name.

* * *

People always said they could feel heartbreak. Bella knew she had felt it before. It was an almost tangible pain that made it hard to breathe, impossible to think of anything else but the burning it left in its wake. It felt like there would never be anything else to concentrate on except for that misery embedding in one's chest.

But this was different. This wasn't heartbreak. This was the exact opposite. Bella could literally almost _feel _the broken bits of her hearts sewing themselves together, fitting into neat spaces they had been ripped cruelly from before. It still burned, but this burn was one that was worth living for. This type of burn was one that was longed for. Maybe it couldn't occur unless the heartbreak had been there first. If there was no damage, there was nothing repair. In a way, Bella really had to wonder if pain was worth something if there were moments that could follow like this.

Her heart alternated from stopping at Jasper's words, to speeding up so quickly that Bella thought for a second that it might come out of her chest. He was charming, yes. But she didn't think he was just trying to charm or. Or rather, wasn't going out of his way to do so. His words seemed genuine and she couldn't help to hang on them, find herself utterly captivated by the way he looked just then. It took less than a second for that image to be committed to memory forever. The color of his eyes... It was more beautiful than it had been in her dream. And for once, reality, it seemed was better than anything that could have occurred while she had just been sleeping. She was sure that his voice wouldn't have sounded so soft, his touch so gentle, or her name so delicate in her dream.

Bella didn't say anything. "Mm?" was all that was quietly uttered as she remained transfixed on his gaze.

* * *

Jasper was a strategic thinker ninety-nine percent of the time. Most everything he did was planned out, down to the very last detail with little to no room for error. It was his militaristic background that made him think and operate that way. It was just in his nature to always have a plan, to always think logically, to always have a way to get from plan A to plan B. He was known for it; it was why his family was looking to him for guidance in this whole business with the newborns.

However, that one percent of his personality that was not strategic, was the part of him that acted purely on his emotions. It was no secret that emotions made up a great portion of his daily life, and he was very in tune with his own and the emotions of those around him. Sometimes, when his emotions were so passion-filled he could not help but throw all of that strategic thinking out the window and just act on his passion. It didn't happen that often, but it was happening now.

Jasper watched her, one hand lightly brushing his fingers against her back as he held her closer while the other slid from her cheek around to the back of her head. "Bella.." all he could do was repeat her name so very softly, so tenderly, as he leaned down almost painfully slow to close the gap between them. No thoughts were running through his mind. All he knew was that he needed her, he needed her so badly right then. He needed her to feel what he was feeling for her, so she'd know without him having to vocally tell her. His lips parted just as they reached hers, and he kissed her very tenderly. It was soft and unassuming, but unmistakably rooted with a deep passion that was aching to surface.

* * *

There was a moment just before he kissed her. When he said her name and leaned in ever so slightly, she knew. There was no mistaking that she was about to be kissed and her eyes fluttered closed just when his lips touched hers.

It was impossible to describe how it felt. Just that initial brush of cold marble against her mouth brought forth so many things happening to her all at once. The burn of the pieces fitting back together in her chest intensified, as if his lips shocked everything into its appropriate place. This wasn't the first time Bella had been kissed, but she knew that this one was different than any other. While she should have learned from the first time that Edward kissed her, took a lesson from the way he pulled back so quickly after she'd actually responded, Bella didn't exactly heed the warning of previous experience. The very last thing she wanted to do was to react too quickly to scare Jasper away. She feared that now. But she also couldn't remain perfectly still to ensure such a thing didn't happen. It was a prime example of when her mind and her heart were battling.

Her mind lost. Badly.

Her heart, now feeling like it was set alight, allowed her to respond to him. It was still very slowly, however. Not frantic and desperate, despite the fact that desperation didn't seem so far-fetched. Perhaps if she could have had the assurance that whatever she did, however she reacted wouldn't cause him to run, then her actions would have been bolder. But for now, they were soft, slow. She tilted her face toward his just slightly, pressing her lips against the chill of his. She felt as if she were dizzy from the sensation, only grounded by the heavy beat of her heart. One of her hands moved to his shoulder while she tried in earnest not to get too carried away too quickly. She'd learned the hard way once. But as with the previous battle between mind and heart, it was emotion that drove this. Bella couldn't help but to put a bit of pressure against the kiss. Jasper needed to know how much she wanted this.

* * *

Jasper wasn't sure what to expect when he kissed Bella, mostly because he just hadn't been thinking about the outcome. He just thought about her, about the kiss, and how much he wanted to be close to her. Somewhere along the way, his fierce need to protect her had developed into a genuine fondness and then on into a deep devotion that he couldn't quite explain. The fact that he _couldn't _explain it was how he knew what he was feeling for her was real and not some passing whim. He couldn't rationalize it, and he was a firm believer that being able to explain one's feelings meant that they were not real. Emotions were not something that one could just simply define. All he knew was that he felt it and he couldn't contain it any longer.

Needless to say, it did shock him when she returned the affection. It would not have surprised him if she spurned his affection and rejected him. If anyone believed he deserved rejection it was Jasper. But Bella did not turn him away, push him back, or jerk from to flee from his affection. She seemed to be embracing it in the way she was touching him and how she'd applied pressure of her own into the kiss. Jasper felt a rush of emotions and adrenaline flooding through him, which were clearly a mesh of his own feelings and hers coursing through his body.

As she kissed him back, he held her closer, almost having her in his lap. Jasper lightly massaged the back of her scalp as he kissed her, feeling her warm, soft lips pressing into his. He continued to kiss her, not wanting the moment to end.

* * *

Their bond had strengthened. Bella went from hardly ever having spoken to Jasper at all to... well, kissing him apparently. It had taken time and a lot of healing to get there, but perhaps Bella didn't notice it as much as she thought she did along the way. She knew as the weeks passed that she was growing closer to him just from the way she wished to be around him when they were separated and the way she genuinely looked forward to the time they spent together.

But it wasn't until this night that she realized the full extent of it. In her dream, she could feel it. When he spoke her name, she could feel it. When he hold her closer to him as she slept, she could feel it then too. But when Jasper kissed her... she could _feel_ it. She wasn't just dizzy in general; she was dizzy with _him_. There was so much happiness in her at the moment that it almost made it hard to breathe. Part of the reason was that it still had been so unexpected. Though Bella was more aware than ever of the fact that she had feelings for him that pushed the boundaries of friendship, she truly didn't think there was a chance he felt the same. He simply wanted to protect her and keep her safe from harm. But it was extremely difficult, even for someone like Bella who often had doubts when it came to others being in any way attracted to her, for her to deny that he felt more as well when he was kissing her.

When he pulled her closer, she not only allowed it, but aided him as well. Her hand on his shoulder tightened in a gentle squeeze while the other moved to his neck. Her fingers splayed against the column of it, the tips getting lost in his curls. Because of the fact that she was feeling so breathless at being surrounded by Jasper and the emotions that radiated from him, she had to actually _catch_ her breath. Pulling back ever so slightly, so little that she could still feel his lips on hers, Bella took in some air for a half of a second. That was all she needed before kissing him once more in earnest, pulling him closer still.

* * *

This was supposed to be difficult for Jasper. Being around her, it was supposed to hurt, to make him miserable because of his thirst. He was supposed to be afraid he'd hurt her, kill her, savagely rip her apart as he drank all of her blood. But he felt none of those things. He felt he happiness, and he was so close to his own happiness he could almost taste it - taste it in her kiss. He knew this was dangerous and he knew that even if he didn't feel the danger creeping up on them, he should have been so much more cautious or even denied himself this release of emotions. But he couldn't. For the sake of feelings and in the hopes that it might help her in some way, he had to go through with this.

He was so, so glad that he did.

Lacking the need or oxygen, Jasper could have kissed her for days. Bella, however, was a living, breathing creature. She needed air and so when she broke the kiss, he feared the worst. But Bella kissed him again after she took the breath she needed, and that mended another piece of his heart. She wanted this. She wasn't just kissing him to be polite only to reject him twenty minutes later. Bella was kissing him on her own. She wanted him as he wanted her. He could feel it. And it was a beautiful feeling.

He didn't want to get carried away. After all, he was a gentleman. Jasper kissed her a moment longer, lips lingering and tasting for the first time. With much reluctance, he pulled away from the kiss, but stayed very close to her. He stroked her cheek, opening his eyes to look down at her again.

"I can't possibly apologize for that," he said quietly. "I meant it."

* * *

He meant it. That was all Bella needed to hear. Jasper didn't pull away with regret, didn't suddenly come to his senses and leave because he realized this was a bad thing. It _could _have been a bad thing. Bella would have been lying if she said she wasn't impressed by his strength. He seemed to be tolerating his scent well and being this close to her - enough to lock his mouth with hers - her surely had to have been feeling somewhat overpowered by it.

Yet that hadn't stopped him. Bella admired him for that. Of course it might have been partially because she was reaping the benefits of his self-control, but either way, she felt just as strongly for him when he'd pulled back as she did when he first leaned in. Though she already missed the feel of his mouth, she liked his words just as much and was satisfied with having those for now.

"You won't hear any arguments from this end," she said with a grin as she looked up at him. The fingers on his neck moved to the nape of it to gently stroke the soft hair there in a soothing manner. Even though his skin was still very cold, Bella felt flushed now. "I had a dream about you," she said fondly.

* * *

Jasper like he could fly just then. But even if he could, he wouldn't have. He just wanted to be close to her and hold her to him. He wanted to be kissing her again, gazing into her eyes, touching her. It was all so much at once that it really was overwhelming him, but he was so wrapped up in the emotional connection he had with Bella that he was somehow managing to handle it. He was taking a big risk by being so close to her, but he just wasn't strong enough to deny his feelings anymore. Her vocalized confirmation that she wanted this just as much was all he needed to know he'd made the right decision - though when she'd kissed him herself just a moment ago, that was enough too.

He lightly combed his fingers through her hair and half smirked down at her. He, of course, knew she had been dreaming. Her dreaming was what gave him the motivation he needed to instigate the physical closeness they were still engaging in now. When he heard her say his name so softly, he knew he had to take a chance. It was that dream that had made this moment possible. He knew that, but she most likely did not. Jasper did not want to embarrass her by saying he knew she'd dreamt. He wanted her to tell him about the contents anyway.

"Did you?" He asked, leaning in to brush his lips against her cheek. "Was it a good dream?" He flashed the tiniest hint of a grin in her direction.

* * *

To any outsider, it might have seemed like they were moving a little bit fast. But Bella knew that if they had any indication of the emotional ties between the two of them, that perhaps they would have bitten their tongue. Emotional bonds were not something that could be seen always - though she imagined that if someone _was _watching them now, it would be hard to deny that they cared about one another after viewing their exchanges now. But rather, it was something more to be felt. Without having to ask him, Bella was confident that Jasper could understand that. She knew that emotions were a significant part of him and that part was one of the many that drew her in like a moth to a flame.

Her cheeks blushed when his lips descended on one of them. She would never be able to control the fact that she was very prone to pink cheeks, whether from embarrassment or flattery. Currently, it was the latter of the two.

"Mhm," she said, nodding. "I was lost in the woods," she started. "Everything was completely black and white and I felt like I'd been searching for the right way home for hours. But then, I came to the meadow where you found me before. You were laying there, right in the middle," she said, grinning at the memory of the dream. "There were hundreds and hundreds of daffodils around you," she explained. She didn't tell him what surrounded the daffodils on both sides. There was a slight fear that she might hurt him in doing so. That was something Bella desperately wanted to avoid if at all possible.

"It... was the most beautiful thing I think I've ever seen actually," she admitted, the blush deepening to a warm shade of pink on her cheeks. "That's why I asked you how you felt about them," she said, the hand on his shoulder moving to brush a stray blonde curl away from his forehead.

* * *

Jasper couldn't take his eyes off of her as she started recalling the dream she had just moments ago. He was listening, but his emotions were building within him again and all he wanted to do was silence her with another kiss. He was so caught up in that, that it made it a little difficult to focus on the words that were coming out of her mouth. He did get most of it, though. When she called it the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen, he looked down for a moment. That couldn't possibly be true.

His mind managed to catch up with his heart in that moment. Beautiful? He wasn't beautiful. He was a monster, she just couldn't see it. She saw the camouflage, the illusion that he had flawless beauty and an ethereal presence. She didn't see the jagged scars that covered his upper body. Even on his face, two crescents marred the skin over his left brow. She had no idea what a repulsive creature he was beneath the facade. It wasn't fair for him to keep her in the dark about that, and he knew he'd have to tell her sooner rather than later. She deserved better than that. But as he looked at her, as he held her and stroked her hair, he just couldn't tell her. He couldn't bring himself to say any of those things. It was selfish, and it was wrong. But he couldn't stand the thought of upsetting her now. Not when she looked so happy. Not when he could feel how happy she was.

"Ah, and the conversation comes full circle," he said, lifting his gaze back up. He dismissed his previous thoughts, focusing again only on here and nothing else. He took her hand after she brushed away one of his curls and brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles. That was when he saw goosebumps on her arm.

"Bella.. I.. I can't believe I was so careless. You're freezing." He gently let go of her hand and closed the window. How could he have been so stupid? Of course she was cold. "You should get under the covers. I don't want you to get sick. Your hair was damp too. I.. I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking."

* * *

Though Bella didn't know Jasper's full story - or actually much of it at all - she knew she wouldn't feel any differently about him than she did now. He would still be the same person no matter what he looked like or where he had been in the past. He would still be the one who made her heart feel like it was more than just a pile of ashes, that there were other feelings in the world aside from misery and pain, and that this was worth it all.

Her heart flip-flipped when he snagged her hand before she dropped it and kissed her knuckles so softly, it was almost as if he feared breaking them. Jasper was _such _a gentleman. Thee realization, or rather, her late connection, earlier of his Southern drawl allowed her to put two and two together that there was a reason he was raised to be such a proper boy. It was utterly endearing. Truth be told until he'd mentioned it, Bella had forgotten all about the cold since she woke up. He reminded her of it now and she would admit that it was definitely chilly, but not enough that it would risk pulling her away from his arms.

"That's because you were distracted," she said with a grin. Tilting her face upward, she pressed a reassuring kiss to his lips.

Even the smallest touch of them made her feel a hundred times warmer and safer than any security blanket would. But Bella didn't want to make Jasper feel badly about causing her to get a chill so with a sigh, she pulled herself away from him to stand. She didn't even take a step further though before extending her hand to him. "Will you come with me?" she asked hopefully.

It didn't feel like it would be nearly enough for her just to simply sleep in the same room he occupied tonight. She needed to feel closer to him. Of course, Bella would still understand if he said he couldn't because he feared it would be too much. She didn't want to overwhelm with by surrounding him constantly with her scent and making it harder to impossible for him to breathe. Shad no idea what time it was, nor did she care. It felt like for the time being, everything was endless. The clock near her bedside read that it was after three in the morning, but even the glowing numbers seemed insignificant when she thought about Jasper. A part of her, a very child-like part, was still wondering if this were some sort of elaborate dream she concocted as a manifestation of her feelings for him. It seemed likely to do such a thing when she finally came to terms with just how strongly she felt about him. There was a way of testing this theory though which touched upon that childishness. "But first," she said, regardless of his answer to her previous question of invitation. "Can you- Don't laugh-" she added with a mock warning look, "-maybe just... pinch me? Please?"

* * *

Jasper was so incredibly taken with her. For him to be such a gentleman around her took no real effort; that was just how he was. He'd always held women in an especially high regard, and those he was close to were made privy to this gentle side exclusively. Aside from that, once anyone else looked past his seemingly cold and pained exterior, Jasper actually was a very well mannered "young" man.

That did not mean he was a prude, though.

Along with his disposition to be a gentleman, Jasper was very, very passionate. Bella would come to find that out soon enough, if she permitted it. "I was distracted," he agreed, returning the grin just as her lips met his. He kissed her back and was sorry that the kiss ended.

Her request left him torn. He did want very much to go with her. Jasper felt that being in a room with her but out of reach from touching her would be even crueler than to be separated for miles. He realized his attachment to her might be a little strong, but that was part of just how passionate he was about her. He was hesitant for two reasons. One was, indeed, because he feared of his control. He'd made some serious efforts that night by giving in to his emotions and being so close. It made him very nervous to try to push his limits much further so early on. Then again, how would he know if he didn't try? His other concern was that from being curled up in her bed with her, he would be thoroughly distracted from keeping watch outside. There was no doubt in his mind that he would protect her regardless, but he wanted to take preventative action, not wait until trouble was right at the window. He felt so strongly for her, but he did not want to let that get in the way of his need to protect her.

He couldn't possibly deny her, though. He would just have to alert his other senses, as he'd talked about before. He'd listen closer, and hopefully he'd be able to sense the vicious feelings of any predator outside wanting to cause her harm. That would have to be enough, because he didn't have it in him to tell her no. Jasper took her hand, but had positioned them so that he was holding hers as if he'd extended his to hers instead. He stood up, and grinned down at her.

"I'm afraid I might pinch a little too hard, ma'am. That'd be awfully rude. I'm sure there's something else I could do." He kissed her hand again, then laced their fingers and slid his other arm around her waist. He leaned down and kissed both of her cheeks. "Does that convince you that you are not sleeping?"

* * *

There wasn't a doubt in Bella's mind that Jasper would protect her should an opportunity arise that called for him to do just that. She had complete faith in him - now, more than ever. Though she was an independent person and like doing things for herself, something about being protected by Jasper wasn't such a bad thing. She actually _liked_ it. She _liked_ knowing that she wasn't alone and that he would take care of her (or at least, help her to take care of herself) if anything dangerous or predatory presented itself . Such things seemed to have a habit of following her. The day before when she even had gotten the cut in gym class, it was a prime example of how easily it was for her to get hurt. Though in that case, she had to take care of herself in order to taker care of _him_.

Her cheeks blushed again when he spoke in that sweet accent and again, treated her so gently with affectionate gestures that she wondered if he were trying to preserve glass. It seemed like she would constantly have to get used to blushing in his presence from then on out. She knew that Jasper would always be able to tell when she was as well, and Bella would never be able to conceal it considering the rush of blood to her cheeks. Hopefully, he wouldn't mind that as much as she was embarrassed about it. Her eyes followed their hands as he kissed the back of hers before threading their fingers together. The difference in temperature was striking, but Bella was more captivated by the way they seemed to fit.

"That helps," she admitted, smiling up at him. "But I might ask you to remind me frequently."

Regretfully letting go of his hand, she moved to her dresser drawers and blindly opened one to pull out a long-sleeved shirt. Tossing it on over her camisole, she figured it would help a little bit with the cold, or at least, it would be something that could appease him and his worries about her getting sick. Then, she moved to her bed, which was still made from that morning and pulled back the covers. Crawling in, she shifted to move as far to one side as she could have (which, on a twin bed, was not very far), and waited for him to come and join her. "I'm sorry for the lack of space," she said apologetically. Jasper was a lot taller and a lot lankier than she was. She would understand if he wasn't comfortable.

* * *

The flush to her cheeks caused the rush of her scent to reach him. His throat burned, but it wasn't intolerable. Having just fed that day, and fed well, he thought probably had something to do with it. Jasper watched her as she turned from him and put on a different shirt over the one she was wearing, then climb into bed and wait for him. The whole idea of crawling into bed with Bella was something he was going to have to get used to, but he was looking forward to it.

He slowly approached the bed, a less severe and much more serene look on his features. It was true that there wasn't much space for two people in her bed, but he'd manage. As long as she was comfortable, he didn't really care much about himself. Slowly, Jasper slipped into the bed and turned onto his side facing her. He kept one arm out, invitingly, in case she wanted to get closer to him (not that they weren't close already).

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Quite the contrary. Jasper felt he should be thanking her. This small amount of space brought them even closer together, both literally and metaphorically. He liked it, and thought he probably liked it more than if they had bigger bed to lay in together. He kissed her forehead softly and lightly stroked her arm. "I'm quite comfortable."

* * *

There wasn't a moment's hesitation when Jasper extended his arm from her that Bella didn't take advantage of it. She adjusted the blankets around her, making sure they covered her shoulders to help protect her from the cold. She _was_ cold and trying very hard not to allow her teeth to chatter. It wouldn't be all that far-fetched for him to immediately regret joining her in bed if he saw once more how cold she was. Bella, on the only hand, would gladly endure having goosebumps and chattering teeth if it meant that she could stay this close to Jasper. That _was _an advantage to having a bed of this size. If left Bella plenty of space if she was sleeping by herself, but if there was someone else in the picture, it wouldn't allow would anything but close proximity.

With Jasper, she preferred it that way. She too, turned on her side to face him, reaching out an arm to drape across his torso in order for her to snuggle in closer to him. Her legs probably would have tangled with his had they not been confined and stuck in the covers. Bella's eyes closed for a moment and her nose scrunched ever so slightly with a happy grin when his lips brushed her forehead and he assured her that he didn't seem to mind her small bed.

"Well, still tell me if it bothers you," she told him. "I don't want you to feel obligated to stay if you should get uncomfortable." And she didn't. It didn't seem fair that she would be asleep soon and unaware of any discomfort, while Jasper would be painfully aware of it until she woke up. "I mean it," she said with a smile as she ran her hand up and down his back. "I know you have that whole Southern gentlemen thing going on," which she loved, "but I never mind when you're honest."

If she could have, Bella would have stayed awake for the rest of the night. The two of them didn't even need to talk - she just wanted to lose herself in the color of his eyes continually. That would have made her quite content, truth be told. But now, since she was warmer and soothed by Jasper's fingers stroking her and his presence allow, exhaustion started to haunt her again. Until it became too much to bear, she _did_ content herself with watching him. But as her eyes because heavier and harder to keep open, Bella gave into the battle of sleep. Before she actually drifted off though, she made sure to tell him goodnight, pulling herself closer to him in the process and tucking her head beneath his chin before allowing her eyes to win and closing them.

**Author's note:** So tell us: Were we right? Did you like this particular chapter? Now things start getting fun. Keep a lot out for Chapter Seven in which Jasper and Bella find their special place. Their 'meadow' so to speak. Up soon! Cheers!

**Lyrics:** Snow Patrol - Set The Fire to the Third Bar (which happens to be one of our favorite songs)


	7. Chapter 7

_Sweet like candy to my soul_  
_Sweet you rock and sweet you roll_  
_Lost for you, I'm so lost for you_  
_You come crash into me ;;_

Whether or not Jasper pinched her, kissed her cheeks, stood in front of her and screamed at the top of her lungs until she was at full attention, Bella never seemed to wake up from her 'dream'. The next morning after they'd kissed, when she actually woke, it was in his arms. It was silly to think, but Bella almost felt as if she were someone else watching the two of them from afar. She would have been extremely envious of whoever was in that position, she quickly realized. But there was no need. It was _her_. _She_ was the one who had her face buried against his neck. _She _was the one who took a deep breath and was filled with the scent of him. It was Bella.

The days that followed created something of a pattern between the two of them. It was as it had been for the past few weeks with several new additions. For one thing, school had become a permanent part of her routine again. Each day, Jasper would drive her there, listen as she said she didn't want to go but got out of the car anyway to put on a brave face. School, though, had gotten significantly better since the Wednesday of that week, the day after she fell asleep with Jasper. The reason? She had something to think about, to look forward to. People still stared, still whispered, but to Bella, they had all but become invisible. The frequent daydreaming didn't do well for her trying to catch up, admittedly, but Jasper had an answer for that too. After he'd pick her up from school, he'd take her home and help her with her homework. It was easier to concentrate on the material when it came from Jasper's lips, she came to decide. Besides, he was the best tutor one could ask for. After all, how many times had he gone through the same material over and over again?

Something was noticeably different in her. Charlie thought she never seemed happier. The rest of the Cullen family seemed to notice as well, especially Esme. She stopped by once in the afternoon, kindly offering a night to let Bella relax from cooking, and helped out with making dinner for her and Charlie. Before she'd left, she hugged Bella to her and whispered that it was good to see her again, almost as if Bella had just come back recently instead of weeks ago. The brunette had to wonder whether or not anyone - especially Esme - had any idea of _why _her disposition turned to a sunnier one.

The one responsible?

Currently, he was situated in the driver's seat of his car. School was over for the week, signaling that Bella had survived Forks High School once more. The weekend was a reward for the days spent in the classroom, never more so than now when it meant that there would be less time constraints on her schedule and she would be allowed to spend more time with the curly-haired blonde.

It was a warm day, warm enough for the top to be down on Jasper's car and for Bella to not have to worry about wearing a jacket. It was seemingly bright out, but the sun was nowhere to be seen in the overcast sky. It, for Forks (and for a vampire), was a perfect day in regard to the weather. That morning, she'd told Charlie that she would be home later that night after school and not to expect her home as early as he usually did when he arrived home from work. He was glad she would be getting out of the house. She _did _tell him that she would be with Jasper, to which he was somewhat hesitant. But the chief had no real problems with the boy. If anything, he still held a great deal of gratitude toward him ever since Jasper found his daughter and brought her home unscathed the night that she'd gone missing. Charlie wanted Bella to enjoy herself and if that meant being with a friend, he would support it. (Somehow that would have been different, Bella guessed, if her dad knew that her 'friend' had been sneaking into her room every night.)

Currently, Charlie was getting his wish. Bella _was_ enjoying herself.

"Where are we going?" she asked, leaning her cheek against the back of the seat to watch Jasper as he drove. To her, it honestly didn't matter where they went or what they did. She was content just being with him.

* * *

The atmosphere in the Cullen household was noticeably lighter. That is, when Jasper was there. Most of his time was spent with Bella, but whenever he was back at the house it was easy to see that something had lifted the blonde vampire's spirits. He didn't talk about it and didn't really talk much at all. He would spend time playing video games with Emmett mostly. It was mostly a subconscious defense mechanism. Being in that house raised the level of risk that Jasper would be reminded of things he didn't want to resurface. He just wanted to think about Bella and not be miserable anymore. That was the main reason he spent almost all his time at her side, at her house, or just somehow watching over her. Esme was the one who took the most notice of her son's lift in mood. She'd noticed it with Bella too, on the occasion that she got to see her. It made her very happy to see that the two of them had life in their eyes once more. She had her suspicions, but she did not say a word. Jasper was thankful for that.

After picking Bella up from school that day, he did not want to take her home straight away. It was the weekend and the weather was surprisingly beautiful. No sun, but it was warm enough for them to go out for a drive in his car with the top down. He didn't have to worry about Bella catching a cold or anything, either. It was a rare occasion that the weather was so nice, so he really wanted to take advantage of that and take her out somewhere. There was no set destination in mind, but Jasper liked to do things like that; drive around until finding something interesting to explore.

Every now and then, Jasper would turn to look at Bella. He was holding her hand, his palm beneath hers. His hold was gentle, his thumb lightly brushing against the back of her hand. He would, on occasion, bring her hand up to his lips and kiss her knuckles while he was driving. He had a fascination with her hands and played with her fingers often. He hoped she didn't mind; she didn't seem to, as she humored him by letting him do as he wished when he would hold her hand.

"I don't know," he replied, smirking a bit. They were driving a bit aimlessly, but he didn't care. That was half the fun. He turned to look at her again, meeting her eyes for a brief moment. He wanted to lean in and kiss her, but with how fast he was driving that probably would not have been a good idea.

"We'll know when we get there," he added, then turned to look back at the road.

He drove on, not once letting go of her hand. It was another fifteen minutes before he found a place of interest and slowed his car to a stop. It was an abandoned fair, long since forgotten by the rest of the town. Jasper wasn't even sure if they were technically in Forks anymore. But this place looked worth taking a second look at. He gave her hand another kiss before releasing it, then cut the engine and stepped out of the car. He walked over to her side and opened the door, then offered his hand to aid her in stepping out.

"How's this for a destination?"

* * *

_'We'll know when we get there._'

Bella liked the sound of that. It left room for freedom and imagination. It didn't seem like there were boundaries or worries or cares. That's how it was with Jasper. It was like he erased any hint of fear she might have had about anything, as if he took a cloth and wiped it all away from a white board. They could have kept driving forever and Bella wouldn't have cared. It was hard to care about _anything _while she was holding Jasper's hand or getting occasional goosebumps from his lips against her skin. She knew that they weren't always a result of the cold.

She didn't recognize the area where they were now. It wasn't until then that Bella realized she didn't know much about the area surrounding Forks. Before, she'd hated the place so much, she didn't see any need to get to know it better. In her visits with Charlie during the summer, she just waited for them to be over so just as quickly, she could leave. After she'd moved back a year ago, she had been so distracted with other things that it was never a point to go looking further than the little town's outskirts. But she was glad she was getting to see it now. And getting to see it with Jasper.

Of course, it would have probably been more beneficial if she was looking anywhere _but _Jasper. It was always hard to take her eyes away from him, though. She loved the way one of his curls would occasionally stray and brush against his forehead. She liked the way he had a tiny line of determination between his eyebrows whenever he was paying close attention to the road every so often. She found herself constantly wondering what was running through that beautiful mind of his, eager to be let in on his secrets and ponderings. But just like this trip, it was probably a benefit not to know everything. It left an air of mystery and he always seemed to surprise her in any case. Always good surprises - a kiss to her palm, a squeeze around her middle when she was drifting off to sleep, a sweet wish of luck when she would go off to school in the morning. They were all things that were still so new to her in regard to the two of them, but somehow Bella was confident they would never grow old.

When the car slowed, she looked around. It was an interesting place, one she was certain she'd never seen before even in passing. It was very curious and she found herself captivated by the fairground before the two of them were even out of the car.

"What is this place?" she wondered aloud, keeping a hold on Jasper's hand as they neared the attractions. There was a large break in the fence that allowed them entrance and when they were through, Bella nearly tripped over an old tree stump and had to grasp onto him. Cheeks flushing, she chuckled at her own clumsiness and made a point to watch more carefully where she was going.

There was a good handful or so of rides and about two dozen carts with open-faced structures that she had imagined used to hold games and refreshment places. Toward one side, a large house stood with faded wood and chipped paint that she figured was likely a fun house of sorts. In the middle, there was a carousel with what were probably once brightly colored horses and a few wooden carriage seats sporadically placed. There was a ferris wheel toward the back that looked as if it hadn't been operated in years.

"This place could be as old as you are," she joked affectionately, looking up at Jasper.

* * *

Jasper hadn't ever been to this place either. It was obviously a carnival and if he had to guess he would've said it'd been there for several years. Most of the paint on the attractions had faded but the styles of the decor and the themes of the rides were very dated. It wasn't as old as him, as she'd joked, but it was pretty old. When she nearly tripped, he caught her arm to keep her from face-planting. That would've brought their trip to a screeching halt, literally, and he wanted this to last for as long as possible. He also, of course, didn't want her to get hurt. He looked down at her as she blushed and laughed at herself and lightly brushed his fingers through her hair.

He slid his arm around her waist and kept her close to him as they walked. Jasper had never been to a carnival before. They were too crowded, too many people with too many emotions; it would have overwhelmed him and put the family in jeopardy should he slip up and falter. But he knew what they were. Now that he was seeing one up close, he wished that this place was up and running so that he could take her to it. There was something about it though, even though it was worn down and untouched for years, that made it seem special. It felt like they were supposed to be there.

"Maybe not as old as me," he said with a smirk. "But definitely as old as Rosalie." He chuckled lightly, and pulled her a little closer so he could kiss the top of her head. He looked around, spotting what had been a booth where people would shoot at a target to win a prize.

"I could have done that one," he said, nodding to it. "I bet I would've won you one of those giant bears."

* * *

Opposite to Jasper, Bella had been to hundreds of carnivals. In Phoenix, they were frequent in the summer. The school where she'd used to attend had one every year as did many others in the surrounding area. Renee would insist on trying every food item they had there and would stock up on at least half a dozen pink cotton candies every summer. She had been more of a kid at this type of place than Bella had. The latter used to get overwhelmed with the hoards of eager people and sights, sounds, and smells all in one relatively confined space.

She smirked when Jasper poked fun at Rosalie, knowing that his twin would have scoffed at his wording. If they were 'twins' they would have been the exact same age in any case and his argument would have been lost. When he mentioned the shooting game, she lifted an eyebrow at him.

"Oh yeah?" she asked. "Isn't that a little cliche?" she wrapped an arm around his back and gave him a squeeze to allow him to know she was joking. "Besides, I don't know if I'd want to hang around those games. Did you ever see the kinds of people that work at carnivals?" she asked. When she was little, the workers used to scare her most of the times with their leering, teeth-devoid smiles and scruffy faces. "I doubt you'd be the scariest one here," she said, joking with him again.

When they neared the fun house, she adopted a sneaky smile. "Come find me," she said, finding his hand and gently tugging on his pinky finger affectionately before letting go and hurrying in through one of the openings.

It wouldn't be fair at all - he would be able to smell her, and he definitely would be able to stop her with his speed if he wanted to - but Bella still made the attempt at the little game. Once inside, she crawled through a foam-like tunnel and came out into a room full of fun mirrors. Crouching behind one of them, she bit her lip to keep from giving away her presence too easily.

* * *

Jasper shrugged lightly at her comment about cliches. "Maybe, but I would've gotten to show off how great a shot I am with a rifle. Though maybe it's just as well. I haven't held one in over one hundred and forty years. I wouldn't want to embarrass myself." He grinned as she gave him a squeeze, and kissed the top of her head again. A soft chuckle escaped his lips as she then started talking about carnies.

"You think so? I doubt they could give me a run for my money. It'd be interesting to see, though.." he mused out loud. He hadn't ever met anyone he believed to be scarier looking than himself.

He walked with her up to the fun house, walking in step with her and trying to match her strides. It was a little difficult due to the height difference, but he managed to keep a steady pace with her. He was curious as to what would be inside a fun house, and it appeared he was going to get his answer. Bella teased him, then ran off to hide from him inside. Jasper, always the worrier, was careful upon his entrance because if this place was as run down as it looked, the place was liable to cave in depending on what they did there.

Jasper entered the fun house and looked around. Not finding her right away, he started looking more carefully. He was trying to do it the honest way, without using his heightened senses in order to find her. He wanted to, though. He didn't like them spending any time apart, even for games like this one. He set off to find her as quickly as possible, calling out for her and checking behind mirrors and curtains. After searching for a few minutes longer, he grew a bit frustrated and started to sniff and listen. He could smell her scent close by and he could hear her heart beating.

Jasper was fairly certain he knew where she was, but he wanted to play along. "And what do I get if I manage to find you, wherever you are?" He called out, looking around the mirrors.

* * *

Bella tucked away a mental note about his wording. It had been a while since he held a rifle? Her first thought was immediately of some kind of war. Though it obviously didn't matter any longer because it would have been decades ago if that had been a clue to his past, but the idea of Jasper in some kind of battle didn't sit well with Bella. As protective as he was over her, she was beginning to find herself extremely protective over him as well. Ever since she witnessed how badly he'd been hurt - to the point of tears could he actually cry them - she had felt a sense of needing to look after him. Besides, if he was meant to be the protector all the time, who would look after him?

Someone needed to. Bella didn't mind having that position. She would take it proudly and do the best job of it that she could. Jasper was more than worth it.

For now, her job was to try and stay quiet. It was difficult to do when he came into the rooms of mirrors. There were bunches of Jasper-images everywhere she looked when she peeked out. In one, he looked like an extremely tall toothpick. In another, he looked short and very squat. In yet another, his body was contorted in waves. Funny - Bella _still _thought he looked gorgeous even when the mirrors weren't meant to be serious or at all flattering.

She found herself in a predicament when he questioned her. If she answered, she would give away her location. But she didn't just want to ignore him, especially since she probably would have liked whatever prize he selected should he find her just as much as she would. For the sake of the game, she only answered with a smile, one that was, of course, hidden to him.

The clever plan went to hell, though when she caught a glimpse of him passing by a mirror that gave him very feminine-looking and very accentuated curves. Bella couldn't help but to giggle, and though she tried to conceal it by covering her mouth with her hand, the damage was done.

* * *

Jasper hadn't ever thought he'd be in a playful mood again. He had simply accepted this his life would never hold any sort of meaning again and that he would exist in a tormented and miserable state for the rest of eternity. Yet there he was, sneaking around in an abandoned carnival inside a fun house, playing hide and seek with Bella. Bella; someone he also never expected he'd ever be able to be close to. Now, he could not imagine life without her. But he wasn't thinking about any of that. He wasn't thinking about anything except for her and this moment right now.

He wasn't really paying attention to the mirrors. He might've found it amusing if he did, but Jasper had long ago gotten into the habit of avoiding mirrors as much as he possibly could. It was his instinct to look away from his reflection, whereas others of his kind had been known to lose themselves in their beautiful mirrored images. But Jasper only saw a monster in his reflection, so it was simply second nature that he didn't look today, either. That was a bit of a shame, since he was producing some pretty amusing images in the distorted mirrors.

The great thing about Jasper's power in this situation, was that Bella did not need to answer him vocally for him to know what his prize would be. He could _feel _her smiling at him, and that made him feel indescribably good. It also made him want to end this little game much faster than he originally anticipated. Fortunately for him, she gave herself away with her giggle. It was a precious sound to him, like music. He hoped that before their time together came to an end when she fell asleep that night, that he would hear that lovely sound again.

Jasper smirked inwardly and continued in his "search" for her. He purposely did not try to hide and sneak up on her. Given their situation outside their happy moment together, he did not think it wise for him, a vampire predator, to creep around in silence and stalk her, startle her and possibly bring back bad memories of the fact that vampire had been sneaking around in her house. Or worse, bring back the memory of him attacking her. Instead, he made it overly obvious. He moved around each mirror until he got to the one she was hiding behind. Grinning, he peeked around the mirror and saw her there, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Pardon me, ma'am, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to escort you out," he said, immediately wrapping his arms around her from behind and pulling her close.

He was flooded with her scent all at once, and at times that was still very difficult for him, but he'd learned when he should and shouldn't breathe. Right now he was in a calm enough state that it didn't get to him too much. He was just content to have her close again.

* * *

Bella was well aware of where he was; probably just about as aware as Jasper was of her own location. And so, when he peeked around the other side of the mirror, he didn't scare her by any means. She closed her eyes for a moment, still with her hand over her mouth to conceal her laughter and tried to remain very still as if that would be able to mask her hiding place. But most assuredly, he found her there. Truth be told, Bella was happier that it was sooner rather than later.

That was a thought that was emphasized when she felt his arms slide around her middle. She didn't say anything at first, just leaned back against him and allowed her smile to spread across her face. The way his voice sounded gave her butterflies in her stomach and again, she had goosebumps that were not a result of her hands resting on his arms. Turning around to face him, she linked her arms around his neck and grinned.

"Was I that obvious?" she asked.

Bella frequently wondered how difficult it was for him to be this close to her. She knew she should have been more considerate and mindful of his delicate position when it came to bloodlust, but it was so hard to be sensible when she craved being near him. That was like _her _bloodlust - having Jasper close to her. It wouldn't at all be too far-fetched to say that he was addicting. Everything about him - his looks, his scent, his voice. They all drew her in. Bella wasn't naive to think that it didn't have anything to do with the fact that he was designed to do exactly that. But she also knew that vampires weren't necessarily designed by nature to steal a person's heart and cause them to feel emotions they would have pronounced dead a long time ago.

But that was how she felt. He'd stolen hers like the most clever, untraceable thief.

"I suppose you'll be wanting your prize then," she said with a mock, disappointed sigh at losing their game. "I'm afraid to say that I'm all out of big fluffy stuffed bears," she said with a grin. "Would you settle for a different one?" she asked, pulling him closer.

* * *

Being reunited with her, even after being separated for just a few minutes, was a relief to him. Jasper didn't necessarily need to be touching her every second of every day to be secure in how he felt about her. However, when he did have her in his arms, when he was kissing her, holding her hand, breathing her scent and feeling her body pressed to his, the world did seem like a better place to be in. If he had to choose between the two, he'd pick the world where she was resting against him as she was now.

He smirked sideways as she turned around to face him and linked his hands together behind her back. He looked down at her, completely taken with the way she was grinning at him. He was intoxicated by her, and while he did have a strong lust for her blood, he'd been learning to turn that desire to drink her blood into a desire to protect and cherish it. It might have seemed strange, especially to others of his kind, but it was how Jasper was able to be so close to her for extended periods of time without succumbing to his temptations and the natural instinct to feed.

"No, I just got lucky," he whispered as he leaned down to nuzzle her cheek.

His heart was in a much better state than it had been. It had been mended, patched back together for the most part. Still fragile, still vulnerable, but he was functioning again. He was able to feel again, and feeling things was the way he predominantly functioned in the first place. The girl in his arms now was the reason for that and he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to express how grateful he was. He'd try, though.

"My heart was really set on the bear," he teased. "But.. I suppose I could be just as pleased with something else. What's my consolation prize..?"

* * *

The more time she spent with Jasper, the more Bella began to notice different things about him that attracted her. One of these things, something that she came to take note of when he nuzzled his face against her cheek, was the difference in their body temperature. Of course it wasn't something that she missed before; how could she have when it was such a striking contrast? But rather, Bella noticed that she actually liked the way his cold skin felt against hers. It was rather strange, and she would never mention it to him because she fully realized this, but there was something about the way it contrasted that was attractive to her. Maybe it was because whenever she felt a chill because of his skin, it was a signal that he was close by. How couldn't she enjoy a reminder of such?

She smiled when he expressed his disappointment with her inability to provide a certain prize. He was joking, she knew, and she intended to keep the jest going a bit longer to tease him. "Would you settle for a stuffed moose? I'm pretty sure I still have the one I had when I was a baby hidden under my bed," she said. "I wouldn't mind finding him for you. You're worth it."

Tightening her arms around his neck, she pulled him closer and she lifted on her toes to smile again, this time against his lips. There was only so long she could maintain a joking nature when she was aware that the two of them both knew a kiss was the real prize he was seeking. She was all too willing to award the winner when she pressed her mouth to his and kissed him soundly, exactly as a victor should have been upon rescuing a maiden in a tower. Bella certainly wasn't a princess, but she would be glad to play the part if this was involved.

* * *

Jasper was not used to such physical warmth. That was one of the many things that had surprised him upon becoming close to Bella. It was true that to each other, vampires did not feel the icy cold their skin gave off. Even so, the heat the Bella gave off being a human was not something Jasper was used to feeling. It didn't take much for him to be used to it, though. In fact, the craved it. Any absence of her warmth was just a painful reminder that she was not next to him.

"A stuffed moose? Well.. I suppose if I'm worth it.."

He smirked and kissed her cheek, tightening his arms around her to bring her body against his. Who were they kidding? He wanted a kiss, and she knew it. When she brought her lips to his, he could almost taste her smile. He held her to him, returning the kiss and savoring it. Whether or not she was a princess, he was going to make sure he did everything he could to make sure she felt like one. He was a gentleman, and she was his lady.

His belle. His Bella.

Though he could have gone on kissing her, he knew she needed oxygen and he certainly didn't want her to become uncomfortable from a lack thereof. When he broke the kiss, he stayed close, pressing his forehead to hers.

"I'll take all my rewards in that form, if that's all right with you." He gave her another soft kiss then hugged her, holding her against him in a gentle embrace. "Come on," he said, starting to walk her back outside. "Let's enjoy the warm weather."

* * *

Every time he kissed her, Bella wondered if Jasper knew the effect it had on her. Because he was gifted in ways that normal humans were not, she knew he would be able to tell in some ways. For one, her heart always accelerated. It drummed against her ribcage like a song that was played just for him. There was only one string of notes, a special melody and unless it was Jasper unlocking it, it would remain hidden and never played. The fact that he could do such things to her heart with one touch of his lips amazed her.

She hated having to breathe, though. The fast heartbeat was something she didn't mind dealing with, but when it came to having to stop kissing him in order to fill her lungs, Bella was disappointed. Though, there was a plus in that whenever she inhaled, she could taste the sweet scent of his breath. It was dizzying. Just like Jasper.

"That would be perfectly fine with me," she said, gently stroking the back of his neck when he touched his forehead to hers. "I think my poor moose might be extremely jealous though," she added with a grin before he kissed her again.

The best part of being with Jasper was that it didn't matter what they did. They could have kept kissing, or holding one another, or exploring the fairgrounds, and she would have felt the very same. She loved every single second. And so, when he suggested they go back outside, she agreed, walking next to him with her arm securely wrapped around his back.

"Where to now, soldier?" she asked, rubbing his side gently as she surveyed the rest of the space.

* * *

Jasper could feel her internal reactions to his touch, his kisses, and his gazes, and that helped him to know that all of those affections were welcomed. He could hear when her heartbeat sped up. He could feel when she wanted to be kissed and sense how she wanted to be touched. More often than not, though, he was not relying on his ability when he did all of those things. Most of the time it came naturally, and it was not until after he did bestow affection that he would read her emotions to see how she took them. Mostly, he liked listening to her heart. It once was something he tried very desperately to drown out because it drove him mad, but he'd learned to appreciate the sound, to cherish it. It was almost soothing to him, and it was most certainly something he wanted to protect.

He closed his eyes as her fingertips played against the back of his neck. Her warm touch against that sensitive area was almost enough to send chills down _his _spine. He ran one of his hands up and down her back while the other stayed at the small of it. Jasper smirked and shrugged innocently.

"I don't know how I compare to the moose. But I know he can't possibly have a better car than mine." He chuckled lightly, and just barely resisted the urge to start kissing her again.

Jasper shifted his arm to rest comfortably around her shoulders as they walked. He liked the way it felt to have her arm around him, the way she was touching him and leaning against him. She had a very calming presence about her that was very relaxed, and it helped keep him feeling that way. It was one of the reasons he was able to be so close to her now without being in any sort of unbearable pain. It amused him when she called him 'soldier' in passing. He wasn't sure how much she actually knew about his past, if anything at all. He'd never really talked about it with her, but that didn't mean someone else couldn't have shared it. Either way, he was amused by it.

"Let's go over there," he said, nodding to the carousel that had long since stopped running. He kissed the top of her head as they walked, lightly trailing his fingers over her shoulder as he kept her close to him.

* * *

Because it was still so new – this level of a relationship between the two of them – perhaps Bella never really thought it through in terms of comparisons. She did, though, acknowledge that she had been trying to _avoid_ making comparisons in term of Jasper and Edward. It was still too difficult and she feared what too much thought on the issue would mean. The last thing she wanted to do was to hurt Jasper and she knew that she would if she started in with comparisons, even if it was on an unintentional level. Not all the comparisons were negative; of course they weren't. In actuality, most would have seemed… _favorable _toward the blonde.

Currently though, one that Bella couldn't help but to notice how _affectionate_ Jasper was. He always kept her close to him. Whether it was a small touch of his hand against hers, a kiss on the head, a cuddle when she was sleeping – it was all so _frequent_. It wasn't that Edward hadn't been affectionate with her as well. But it was rarer and it seemed, somehow, to be more a struggle for him to be close to her than it was for Jasper. That struck Bella as strange since Jasper was newer to the vegetarian lifestyle and had many struggles with human scents and blood. Including hers, as was displayed on her eighteenth birthday.

But he seemed to do so _well _with her. Maybe he was good at hiding it in order to protect her or keep from frightening her while in actuality, it was exceedingly difficult for him. But Bella doubted that if he really was having a difficult time, he wouldn't be able to remain so close to her in the same manner he had been in the past week. Either way, Bella wasn't complaining by any means. She, for someone who really didn't like drawing attention by any means, loved when it came from Jasper.

Her eyes lit up when he suggested they check out the carousel and her steps quickened slightly as they approached in anticipation. It was a classic-looking one. The horses didn't move up and down like some of the newer ones did, but instead, they were rooted in place by golden (or what Bella assumed were once golden) poles. All of them were somehow damaged; some had chunks missing from them, some poles were missing top or bottom halves, but there was still something so enchanting about it. When they were close enough to climb onto it, Bella dropped her arm from his back to hold his hand instead, leaving them a little bit more freedom to walk around.

As they weaved through the horses, circling the old ride, one thing in particular caught her eye. One of the carriages that was situated in the middle looked virtually untouched. It didn't have any pieces missing from it like the other one on the ride had. Instead, it was beautifully preserved. It obviously looked somewhat out of place in comparison to the other parts of the carousel, but that is exactly why it captivated her.

"I wonder why this one isn't damaged…" she wondered aloud, running her fingers over one of the wooden carvings of flowers on the side.

Something about this particular place appealed to Bella. It was special.

* * *

Jasper had not allowed himself to think outside of what he had with Bella. He did not talk about their relationship with his family. He did not talk about much of anything with them. It would leave too much room for them to inquire about things he was not ready to talk about, or even let himself dwell on. Being with Bella and keeping her safe and happy, those were his priorities.

He didn't expect her to be nothing but smiles when they were together; that wasn't real, and it certainly wasn't natural. He loved seeing her smile and he loved how he could feel her happiness radiating from her. It was much easier for him to be around her, to curb his thirst and just relax in her presence, when she was happy. He would be there even when she was not, and do everything he could for her, but he liked it best when she was smiling. It rubbed off on him a great deal as well and that meant a lot to him. As far as his affections went, that was just a little known trait that Jasper possessed. He could see why it would be unexpected. It wasn't something he displayed publicly. He reserved it for those he cared about, feeling it was much more special to be shared only by them.

Her excitement and anticipation did not go unnoticed. Jasper could feel it from her and it filled him with excitement as well. He laced their fingers as she took his hand and followed just a step behind her to the carousel. He could see all the imperfections from far away. It had clearly been out of commission for decades, and the constant rain and wind that the local climate had to offer had not done much for its preservation. Yet there was something beautiful about it. It was like an antique; a classic, understated beauty.

As she led him to the untouched carriage, Jasper examined it with his heightened senses. It clearly was the most preserved piece on the structure. "Maybe it was waiting for us to find it," he mused out loud. He touched the frame, and it felt sturdy even under his touch.

"Shall we sit?" He asked, lightly passing a hand through her hair.

* * *

Jasper had a gift with words.

Bella wondered if he had any knowledge of it. Perhaps he intended to always phrase things so beautiful and make them seem special, or perhaps instead, he didn't even realized he did it. But either way, the beauty in his speech always made Bella feel as if she were reading about him in a storybook instead of being the one to hold his hand in reality. With them, it was always such an adventure. All they had done was leave school after he'd picked her up and drove aimlessly. There hadn't been any sort of destination in mind and yet, Jasper made it seem like that was all part of the wonderment of it. He had been right, she learned, when they'd found the fairgrounds.

But now, in the strange and unexpected place, they'd found a special one of their own. He touched upon that with his words and Bella felt her heart warm when his words echoed her own thoughts about the carriage being somehow different in a way that was aside from it being undamaged. Nodding at his suggestion to sit, she let go of his hand in order to situate herself when the two of them came to occupy the bench. It was wide and deep, obviously meant for a family to enjoy when they took a ride on the carousel. That made it comfortable and spacious, perfect for cuddling into Jasper as Bella intended to do now.

When she saw that he was comfortably resting against it, she maneuvered to sit in the space on the bench between his thighs so she could lean back against his chest. Because of the expanse of the wood and how deep the seat went back, she was able to manage. He was cold against her, of course, but Bella didn't care. When she pulled his arms around her and rested her own atop of his, she was only thinking about how nice it was to be held by him, nothing about temperature.

For a couple of minutes, she just sat there quietly, resting against him with her head leaning back against his shoulder. If she could, she would have stolen this moment and locked it away in a memory box to preserve it for how perfect it felt. Turning her face into his neck, she lazily pressed a kiss to the cold skin there.

"You picked a good spot," she complimented him when she spoke again. Her fingers gingerly stroked his arms while her mouth continued to explore his neck. "Are you still disappointed about not winning a bear?" she asked.

* * *

Anything Jasper said to her came from the heart, and regardless of whether it sounded like a storybook or not, he meant it. To him, he was just speaking normally. It did seem like a fairytale to him too, though. Never did he once think he'd be able to be so close to her without either suffering the burning pain of his eternal thirst, or even worse - succumbing to it and ending her life. Jasper did not think he was strong enough, but somewhere along the way, he'd managed to get enough of a handle on his struggles to be near her. More than that, to lie with her at night, kiss her for hours, and sit with her as they were now. She could even touch him without him flinching. In fact, he liked it when she touched him and kissed him.

As she leaned back against him and pulled his arms around her, Jasper couldn't help but sigh contently. She was so soft and her warmth was very soothing to him. He liked how affectionate _she _was. He liked how she would simply take his hand, how she'd lean against him - sometimes he wasn't even sure if she was aware she was doing it. Her kisses, her embraces, the caresses she gave him. Jasper loved everything she did. He closed his eyes as she pressed her lips against his skin and spoke softly to him. He hummed contently, savoring the kisses before he finally answered her.

"I'll manage."

He shifted his hold on her slightly so that he could take her hand in his. He first brought it to his lips, then lowered it back to her lap and started to play with her fingers. Jasper couldn't explain why, he just simply had a fascination with her hands. He lightly traced patterns on her palm with his index finger, then he'd lace his fingers with hers and simply play with her hand. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and nuzzled her hair.

"Are you cold?" He asked softly, knowing she'd say she wasn't but needing to ask her anyway.

* * *

If he told her about the effect she seemed to have on her, Bella didn't know how she would have responded. She would have had a little bit of trouble believing that she was able to make him feel good about himself. Of course that was her _goal;_ she wanted that more than anything. But it was difficult to accept that it was on account of her. However, she would have felt very happy to know that he was coping much better than he was a month beforehand. Somehow, she knew that she would have felt that happy even if the source of his improvement came from someone other than her. It didn't matter what the cause was, just the result; Jasper's happiness.

He seemed to have a fondness for her hands. Bella continued to notice it more and more often. For whatever reason, Jasper always seemed to be fascinated with her fingers and would toy with them frequently. Now was no exception. She didn't mind it - she rather liked to watch him. Turning her face away from his neck, she did that now, eying the way his fingers twirled hers around. But for as much as she didn't mind his fixation with her hands, Bella tensed when he turned her palm over and started to trace his fingertip against it. There was a reason, though.

Bella had a crescent-shaped scar on the inside of her hand that gave her awful memories. The scar, one that Jasper would surely remember just as well, was a few degrees colder than the rest of her skin and was pale white in color. As Jasper's finger brushed over it, her jaw tightened and she pulled her hand away, turning her palm over and hiding it in her lap.

"I hate that scar," she admitted in an explanation, not answering his inquiry about the cold.

She felt somewhat colder now, but it didn't have to do with the actual temperature. It had to do with the reason she pulled her hand back. It was somewhat vain and Bella didn't want to come across as being such a way. But she swore, when she thought about it, that she could still feel James' teeth sinking into her skin and the intense burn of venom seeping through her blood a second later. it had been the worse pain she'd ever experienced and not something that she would ever be able to forget, much to her dismay.

* * *

When she pulled her hand away, Jasper immediately feared the worst. He worried he'd done something he shouldn't have, that he'd scared her somehow, that he'd overstepped some sort of boundary. He didn't know what he'd done, but he wanted to fix it immediately. Fortunately she didn't leave him in the dark for long.

Her scar.

Jasper knew what she was talking about right away, as he'd been there when it happened. He could see the scar on her palm plain as day, right down to each individual tooth mark due to his heightened sense of sight. It didn't bother him, though.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. The cause of the scar bothered him, but not the scar itself. He thought nothing of the mark at all, but he could understand why she would. The memories attached to that scar were not by any means happy. He didn't want her to feel self-conscious about it, especially not with him.

"I don't hate the scar," he said quietly. Jasper lightly trailed his hand over her other arm, and leaned his head down to kiss her shoulder. "I hate what caused it, and I hate the pain attached to it. But.." Very delicately, he took her hand again and kissed her palm, his lips lightly brushing over the slightly raised crescent. "..it's a part of you. I couldn't ever hate anything that's a part of you."

His words were true, and he really did believe that. But he also feared his words wouldn't be enough.

"I have one that I hate, too," he said. "You won't be able to see it."

He released her hand and very slowly rolled up his left sleeve. He didn't push it up far, just a few inches above his wrist. With his vision, he could see a very deep, angry looking scar. It was the most prominent one he had and the one that held the most meaning. He never talked about this scar, or why it was so much worse than the hundreds of others that marred his body. He wouldn't tell her the story of how or why it was the way it was, but he'd tell her a little about it if she wanted to know.

"Here," he said, taking her and and guiding it over his wrist so she could feel the raised skin.

* * *

It was extremely difficult for Bella's heart not to ache when Jasper spoke. She didn't deserve such sweet words. It was a good ache to be sure, but one that just felt as if it were wasted on her. How could someone so wonderful never be properly noticed before?

Of course before there had been Edward. Bella was so wrapped up in him that she didn't pay much attention to, well, much else at all. Now, she felt horribly guilty for it. Why hadn't she paid better attention to Jasper? Why hadn't she tried to get to know him better? It was true that there hadn't been much time before her birthday and afterward... well, that wasn't exactly possible considering how things came to an abrupt halt _because _of Jasper's reaction to her blood.

But now, sitting there with him and listening as he told her there wasn't a part of her that he could hate, Bella felt as if she were weightless. Even with something like that scar, so full of horrible memories and physical pain, it seemed like Jasper could chase away all of the negativity. Her eyes closed when he brought her hand to his lips and brushed his lips against the ethereal crescent shape. She would always be conscious of it to be certain, but his words helped.

There wasn't much time to focus on that scar after he'd confessed to having one that he wasn't fond of. Sitting up a little straighter, her brow furrowed as he pulled up his sleeve. His skin looked flawless and unblemished there just like every other part of him that she could see. It wasn't until he guided her hand to the scar that she believed it existed. Running her fingers gingerly over his wrist, Bella noted a definitely change in the texture of his otherwise smooth skin. She did that a few other times as if to make sure it was really there since it was otherwise invisible to her.

"What happened?" she asked with curiosity, bringing his hand closer to her face so she could take a closer look at where the scar was meant to skin looked so pale that it was invisible, but running her thumb gently over the marred area confirmed that something was amiss.

* * *

Jasper watched as she curiously traced his scar with her thumb and looked at it closer as if that would allow her to see the scar. He was glad that she couldn't see it, or any of the scars on his body. Of course, he was careful to keep the majority of them covered by typically wearing long sleeves and shirts with high collars. Even if the humans he had to interact with couldn't see them, he always knew that they were there. He hated seeing them. He knew they were his most dominant feature. He knew they made him look like a frightening monster.

He did not see the harm in letting her feel one of his scars. As sensitive as he was about them and _especially _about the one she was touching at the present moment, Jasper thought that if feeling one of his scars and knowing that he felt that way about it might help her to deal with her own issues revolving around her scar. It also might help her to know that he had one too. He had hundreds. But there was a time and a place for everything. Jasper didn't want to keep things from her, but this place was rapidly becoming more and more special for them. He did not want to relate it to his horrific past. He did not want to taint this place with thoughts of Maria. He would speak of her one day to Bella, and of all the things she made him do. But that day, was not today.

Jasper continued to let her feel of it, and did not recoil his hand. Her touch almost felt healing, in a way. The warmth of her fingers against his tarnished skin felt nice in an area that was almost constantly in pain.

"My creator bit me there," he replied calmly. He failed to add that she'd bitten him there several times afterwards, every time she wanted to punish him for something. He dropped his gaze to where her thumb was tracing the scar. He could see where each of Maria's teeth had pierced his diamond-hard skin. He had to look away a few seconds later. He didn't want to remember that right now.

"So you're not alone."

* * *

Bella wanted to ask him the whole story, but perhaps it was because there was something about the tone of his voice that seemed different, that she refrained. This wasn't the time nor the place, she figured. One day, she would ask him again. In the meantime, she made a sound of acknowledgement, continuing to gently brush her thumb across his wrist before bringing it to her lips. Gently, she kissed the raised skin and though she couldn't see it, her mouth reverently touched the crescent mark. If he was just as upset about this particular scar as she was about her own (and sadly, Bella wouldn't learn now that she really had no room to be upset in comparison to Jasper's story), then she wanted to make his concern disappear.

"Why anyone would ever hurt you is beyond me," she said, quietly.

And that was the truth – Bella wouldn't be able to understand how anyone could have ever marred the skin of such a beautiful person, both inside and out. Once more, it brought back slight guilt to the fact that for so long, Bella didn't know Jasper _truly_, nor had she made much of an effort to do so. Before letting go of his hand, she kissed each of his fingertips and the center of his palm. Each kiss was a small testament to how much she adored him, but somehow, Bella didn't think even a thousand kisses could properly convey how she felt about Jasper.

Wanting to stray from the subjects of scars and how they were received, she linked her fingers with his and let their hands fall to her lap again.

"Tell me something that no one else knows," she challenged. It was another moment in which she felt very child-like and care-free, as if this were some sort of game like the one where she'd gone hiding in the fun house room full of mirrors.

"A happy something," she added with a grin, turning her head to glance up at him.

* * *

Jasper was quiet at first. He didn't want to elaborate on why someone would have wanted to hurt him, why Maria seemed to take pleasure in hurting him, or why he probably deserved it a lot of the time. That side of himself wasn't something he wanted to reveal to her ever, though he knew he would have to eventually. It was only fair. He couldn't bring himself to do it just then, though. Not here, not at their place. When the time came, he would tell her why, and he would tell her anything she wanted to know. For now, though, he just held her close with his unexposed arm and let her kiss and touch the other as she pleased.

He was relieved when she switched subjects. He wasn't sure what he could tell her that no one else knew, but it was a welcome change from the impending sadness that the previous subject was starting to bring to him. Jasper didn't want to associate sadness with this moment, so any escape to happiness would be welcome.

"Something happy, that no one else knows..." he repeated, thinking that over in his head. It was actually a fairly difficult question. The first half of his life as a vampire had been void of all happiness, and the second half was something he wasn't talking about to anyone or even letting himself remember. He was going to have to draw from his human memories to remember, and many of them were a bit fuzzy.

"Well, let's see," he thought out loud, resting his chin on top of her head for a moment as he tried to pick a memory. He was looking forward at the carousel horses when a memory struck him. Jasper chuckled lightly, then looked down at her.

"I was on a horse the first time I tried to ask a girl from my town to let me court her," he said. "I was.. trying to impress her on the horse, but this cat darted by and startled it. The horse tossed me off and I landed at her feet. Not my most shining moment. But I can laugh at it now." Jasper laughed softly and shook his head. "I was never really that good with horses. Don't tell anyone, all right? It was kind of embarrassing as a soldier to not be an ace with my horse."

Jasper grinned a little, then kissed the top of her head. "Is there anything you want to know about my human life?"

* * *

Bella didn't think he probably wanted her to laugh at his story, but she couldn't help herself. The imagery of Jasper, someone who she had never seen as anything but quick on his feet and graceful even, falling off a horse at a girl's feet was humorous to her. She thought it was incredibly endearing that he had been trying to 'court' the girl at the time and even his word usage while he was telling her the secret seemed sweet to her. The two of them really were from different times as this, just another example, pointed out. Gentleman never wooed over women on horseback unless it was in a movie or a book, but Jasper made it seem as if it were common practice for him during that time period.

"I hope she at least was flattered," she said, turning her face back toward his again so she could brush her lips against his cheek. She knew she certainly would have been and any girl who was anything _less _than impressed by his actions would have been completely foolish in Bella's opinion.

"I promise all your secrets are safe with me," she assured him with a smile, kissing his cheek again.

When he asked her if there was anything she would have liked to know about his human life, Bella's face lit up. Her eyes widened slightly and she nodded. Of course she wanted to know about his human life. But she couldn't just pick one element of it. To her, everything about Jasper was of interest to her, no matter what time in his life it had transpired. The fact that he was offering to tell her by asking if she had any curiosities excited the brunette.

Sitting up, she moved from between his legs to sit beside him on the carriage bench in order to be able to face him, and answered almost breathlessly. "Everything."

* * *

He was glad she found it humorous. Hearing her laugh again after she'd just been a little bit down on herself was good. He'd been able to bring her out of that sadness on his own, without the use of his power, and that made him feel great. He shrugged lightly.

"I don't know if she was impressed or if she pitied me, but she did let me walk her to Sunday school for the next three weeks."

Jasper didn't really talk much about his life to anyone. Just to Alice, and with the rest of the family when they inquired about it or if he needed to make a point of reference. Other than that, he typically just kept his memories on a shelf in the back of his mind. They were a bit dusty, and every year more and more of them became a bit more blurred. He hoped that by talking about them a little today, it might blow some of the dust off and make them a little more clear.

"Everything? Hm, well I guess a good starting point would be at the beginning, wouldn't it?" He turned in the seat so he could face her, his elbow propped up on the back of the bench. He held her hand in his other, beginning to absently play with her fingers again as he thought of where to start.

"Well, my full name is Jasper Monroe Whitlock, and I was born in 1844 in Houston, Texas. I inherited my curls from my mother. I don't remember her face very clearly, but I was close to her. We used to sit on our porch swing and drink lemonade while she'd read me stories." He smirked just a little. "I still remember what lemonade tastes like." He lightly brushed his fingers against hers, then laced them together.

"I don't remember much about my father. He loved my mother very much. I remember always being able to feel that from him. He taught me to regard women highly and that has always stuck with me. I've always tried to be very respectful of ladies. But I also really loved flirting with them. I learned how to be pretty charming," he said, grinning sheepishly. "Hence the horse story."

Jasper frowned a little, trying to recall specific details. "My father grew ill when I was sixteen. Tuberculosis. He didn't make it, so it was just Mama and me. I tried to take care of her and the house, but I don't think she ever really recovered from the loss. I wanted to help support her so when I found out that the town was recruiting soldiers for the war, I went to join. Being the charmer that I was I managed to convince them I was twenty, even though I was just three weeks shy of turning seventeen. Anyway, I served in the Confederate army and actually managed to work my way through the ranks to become the youngest Major in Texas. I was mostly in charge of making sure that the women and children in the towns were properly taken care of and brought to safety should there be any raids or the need to evacuate. I took a lot of pride in that. I always sent my mother my weekly earnings."

Jasper didn't want to talk to much more about his military endeavors, because that would lead him to talking about the day he met Maria, and he wasn't ready to discuss that yet. "But, aside from being a soldier, I was a fairly standard, normal young man from that era. I liked taking walks. I went to Sunday school. I liked making the girls in town blush." He smirked again and shook his head.

"Anything else you'd like to know?"

* * *

Bella decided, from the first second he started speaking, that she never wanted him to stop.

She would have easily been content to sit there and listen to him all day long, for hours and hours about the details he remembered from him human life. It felt like every new fact he revealed about himself attracted her more than before. She smiled when he told her his full name and made a reference to the source of the blonde curls that she loved so much. Her free hand reached out to brush a few away from his face when he revealed that his mother was responsible, and as strange as it may have been, she felt her heart warm toward the woman who raised this wonderful boy. The feeling remained when he spoke about his father as well and she imagined what a closely-knit family they must have been, obvious from the way that Jasper's face looked when he remembered them with such fondness.

The warmth wavered though when his story took a much sadder turn when she learned that his father had died and his mother suffered from it as a result. The hand she had by his hair, gently cupped his cheek affectionately, her thumb running along the frown lines at the corners of his lips when he continued on. She admired him so much in that moment that it nearly hurt. Only sixteen and taking on the responsibility of caring for his mother, putting on a brave face and volunteering for a war in order to ensure he was able to. Bella couldn't believe the things he managed at such a young age and the way he worked himself up in the ranks. That sort of bravery was incredibly rare and Jasper had more of it than anyone Bella had ever met. Ever.

But despite his courage, his heart was what impressed her so much. It caused her own to swell in her chest when he told her what his main duties were and how that tied into ensuring his mother was cared for. For a couple of minutes, she couldn't do anything but stare at him with such adoration that it almost seemed as if he'd just come back from the war instead of this all occurring a over a century beforehand.

Involuntarily, she moved closer to him as if she were literally drawn in by his story. She was still captivated when he lightened the end of his tale by telling her about his Sunday school and penchant for making females blush. _That _part was certainly something she could attest to herself.

When he finished, she merely shook her head, still in awe by him. Bella honestly wondered if he had any idea of how wonderful of a person he was. Somehow, she didn't think he gave himself nearly enough credit. Thinking of this, she couldn't help herself. Leaning in, her free hand still resting on his cheek and kissed him gently.

"I can only imagine how many hundreds of hearts you broke," she said fondly, brushing her thumb across his cheekbone.

She just couldn't stop staring at him, couldn't get over this incredible being seated beside her and everything he'd accomplished. "You're amazing, Jas," she said honestly.

* * *

While Jasper was telling her his story, he wasn't talking himself up, or trying to list off any achievements he'd accomplished during his life. He didn't intend on trying to impress her, he just wanted her to know him and who he'd been and who he still was. There wasn't very much of his past after his change that he was proud of, so he was glad to have shared the happier moments with her.

He laughed when she talked about him being a heart breaker.

"Hardly," he said with a grin. "I think it was more the other way around. It must've had something to do with the power I gained after my change, but I'd become so emotionally attached to the girls I liked. I never really could commit to anyone as a soldier because I was always moving around, but I did usually find a girl I was sweet on during my travels. It'd break my heart to leave." Jasper shrugged lightly. "Sensitive, I guess."

He met her eyes and could feel that she was genuinely in awe over the story he'd just told her. It was unexpected, because to him that was just normal life. He'd done what he had to do in order to survive and support his mother, and flirted with a handful of girls along the way. He reached up and took the hand that was resting on his cheek. He brought it to his lips and kissed her knuckles.

"No ma'am," he said, shaking his head when she called him amazing. "Just crazy about you."

He gently slid his other arm around her and gracefully pulled her into his lap. As he threaded their fingers together, he kissed her cheek, then very gently kissed her lips.

* * *

Bella was sure it wasn't the other way around. Now, more than ever, she was assured of the fact that he didn't think of himself as highly as he should have been. No, he might not have told her such stories of his past in order to make himself look extremely favorable, but Bella honestly thought there would have been nothing wrong with that. He should have been proud of all of the things he did, the things he believed in and fought for. Now, not only was he prince charming, but he was a knight in shining armor as well. If he _was_ right about being the other way around, with the girls being the ones to break _his _hearts, then they didn't deserve him. If Bella had known him back then, she would have waited an eternity for him. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that she could just let him slip away after one encounter with him if he was the boy in the picture he painted of his past.

But she happened to be crazy – to use his wording – about this boy _now_ as well. Momentarily, she had the urge to pull back and question him. How did this happen? How was it possible to feel so strongly about someone when you truly thought you would never feel _anything_ but pain and heartache again? How could he feel the same way about her as she did about him? How did this _happen_?

Bella could have asked him a hundred similar questions, but she refrained. For one thing, it would ruin it. Perhaps things were best kept unanswered. Secondly, she didn't know if there _were _answers to such inquiries and if they were, maybe Jasper didn't know. She surely didn't. All she could be sure of was how she felt about him and how much of a whole person he made her feel like.

She didn't protest when he pulled her into his lap. His motions were so fluid and graceful that it made even someone as big of a klutz as her look beautiful and smooth. Draping one arm over his shoulder around his neck while her other hand entwined with his. Her heart fluttered when he kissed her and there was not a thing that she could have done except kiss him back and try to bring across the way she felt in this moment as best as she could through the action.

Bella Swan was falling in love with Jasper Whitlock.

**Author's Note:** One of our favorite chapters. The carousel is a place you will be seeing a lot of in this story. We hope you're liking it so far! Please remember to comment and review to let us know! Chapter 8 reveals who it was that was lurking around Bella's bedroom. Also, did we hear you were wanting more action? ;) Stay tuned!

**Lyrics: **Crash Into Me- Dave Matthew's Band


	8. Chapter 8

_Blinded to see_  
_The cruelty of the beast_  
_Here is the darkest side of me_  
_Forgive me my sins ;;_

The past couple of weeks had been filled with trips out to the abandoned fairgrounds, late night talks, hours worth of kissing, and occasionally they'd work in time for Bella to study for her final exams that were rapidly approaching. Jasper was good at helping her with her history work, though he sometimes got a little passionate about the inaccuracies in her book. Really, no matter what they did, Jasper was content. Laying with her at night was probably his favorite thing to do, though. He loved to watch her sleep. Bella often talked while she was slumbering, and Jasper liked to try to piece together what her dreams must have been.

That night, he'd wanted to get her to bed early. Jasper felt guilty about always keeping her awake until the wee hours of the morning and leaving her sleep deprived while she was at school. He'd been pretty adamant about getting her to go to bed at a decent hour, insisting they do her homework _while _they visited the carousel. Fortunately Charlie was out that night, having gone to La Push to help Billy with something or another and decided to stay over. Jasper didn't really care about matters concerning the wolves and their families. All he knew was that it meant he could walk Bella inside through the front door instead of letting her go in that way and having to sneak in through her window. His family had gone hunting, but were due back by morning. He'd most likely have to go hunting soon himself. His eyes weren't completely black, but they had darkened considerably with only a thin gold ring around his dark irises.

While Bella took to getting ready for bed and washing up in the bathroom, Jasper went to his usual perch in her window. He felt he hadn't been spending enough time keeping watch, but it was difficult when all he wanted to do was lay next to her at night and focus only on her. It was true that there'd been no news on anymore mass killings in the surrounding areas, so the thought that this had all been a fluke and the danger had passed wasn't far-fetched. He wasn't too quick to believe that, simply because it was in his nature to be cautious. He'd always be on his guard with Bella anyway, no matter what. Even if the threat truly was passed, Jasper would protect her with his life. That was his priority now, and always would be. That was why even now, while she was just one room away, he was antsy. He wanted her near, he wanted to be able to see her. He wanted to call out to her, to ask her to come back to him now, but he wouldn't interrupt her. He just turned his gaze back outside while he waited for her to come back into her room.

* * *

Bella was happy that the weeks seemed to be passing by more quickly. While there were times when she wished hours would stretch on forever – all of the time she spent with Jasper felt like that – there were other things that she wished she could go without. School, of course, had been the biggest. It felt as if it were even more overwhelming with the knowledge that it would soon be over. The thought was liberating and Bella could only imagine how much time she would have to spend with Jasper once her days weren't so consumed with her schooling. But even studying wasn't all that bad when he was her tutor. She had grown quite fond of him asking her questions and praising her when she got the correct answer. Often, that praise came in the form of a kiss which was Bella's favorite reward for hard work.

But while the stress of schooling might have increased, the anxiety over the killings in Washington did the opposite. It had been awhile since Charlie came home from work and reported a new case with worry lines streaking his face. It was a comfort to Bella that her father was able to rest a little bit easier since the spree seemed to have come to a stop finally. The same held true for the Cullens. Carlisle was especially pleased that they'd ended and he checked in with Bella often to see how she was faring. Of course the family knew that Jasper was spending time with her, but she knew that none of them could have possibly had any idea how much time that was exactly, and what they engaged in to occupy themselves during it. She was quite sure that they would be shocked to learn that hours of kissing and cuddling were common practice and a part of their everyday routine.

Ever since that first day that she and Jasper found the carousel at the fairground, Bella was more in tune with her feelings toward him. Hearing about his life and his experiences touched her heart and she frequently asked him to tell her more about his human life, even if he didn't remember. Sometimes, he would just repeat the same things he'd already revealed which appeased Bella just as much as new insight did. His Southern drawl was her favorite thing to drift of to sleep to. Not a day went past that she didn't find something else to adore about him. The brunette had a feeling that wouldn't end anytime in the future either; he was always such a surprise. A lovely one at that.

For as much as she hated being away from him and keeping him waiting, Bella started to take longer in the bathroom each day and night. For one thing, after she would shower, she would dry her long hair. She was aware of the fact that he felt better when he wasn't concerned about her being cold and when her hair wasn't damp, it worked to keep her warmer. She'd also taken to dressing more carefully. Her clothes, though thin enough to be comfortable to sleep in, usually were long-sleeved and full pajama bottoms. They would have surely been too warm to sleep in had she not had Jasper's cool arms holding her while she slept.

On this night when she'd finished, running a brush through her long, dry hair to tame it as best as she could and make it look nice despite only going to sleep on it soon enough, she returned to her room to find him there as per usual in the window. Approaching him, she wrapped her arms around him from behind, resting her chin on his shoulder and giving him a squeeze and a kiss to his cheek. Then, she crawled onto the window seat beside him, leaning against his side and grinning up at him.

"Miss me?" she teased.

* * *

Jasper was relieved when he heard her finishing up in the bathroom and coming back to the bedroom to join him. He just always felt better when he could see her and be in her presence. It put him at ease to have her close, as he could protect her much better, and he just enjoyed being with her. As she came to sit next to him, Jasper slid an arm around her and lightly stroked her arm.

"Of course I did," he said, and turned his head to kiss temple. "How could I not?" He grinned and nuzzled her cheek, then just held her to him.

It still surprised him that he was able to be so close to her without going insane. A short time ago he would have frenzied just from being so close to her, let alone kissing her and cuddling with her at night. He wouldn't have been able to handle the burning in his throat as he thirsted for her blood. But Jasper had endured a pain so severe that not even his thirst could compare to it. The pain from his loss and his broken heart was unlike any pain he'd ever felt before. It was because of that pain that he was able to handle what formerly hindered him.

"You need to get to bed," he said softly, and turned to kiss her lightly. "You've barely gotten any sleep the past several nights." Jasper started to rub her back slowly. "I don't want you sleep deprived." There were times when he envied her. Being able to sleep was something he always wanted. He wanted to be able to sleep, rest, have dreams. He could sleep vicariously through her, though. He'd take what he could get.

"Go lay down and I'll tuck you in. And by tuck you in, I mean lay down with you." He offered her a small grin, then kissed her temple again.

* * *

"Mm," Bella mumbled, closing her eyes when he told her that she needed to get to bed and proceeded to kiss her softly afterward.

Sometimes she had to wonder if he did it on purpose, being so gentle with her and soothing as he was now by rubbing her back, in order to get her to go to sleep easier. Bella found sleep to be both a blessing and a curse. It was needed and she felt immensely better in the morning when she awoke after having a full night of rest, but at the same time, she hated that it took her away from consciously being with Jasper. Of course, he was frequently in her dreams more than anything else, but it wasn't the same of being fully aware of and being able to appreciate his actual presence. He did have a point, however, about her having some trouble with it recently and the lack of adequate sleep was beginning to catch up with her. When he mentioned that she needed it, she knew he was telling the truth.

Still, she wanted to stay awake with him. "I'm not tired," she argued. But her body and her exhaustion betrayed her just as she'd spoken and she yawned a moment later. Looking at him sheepishly, she nodded her head.

"All right, all right," she said, coming to terms with her defeat.

It wasn't _all _bad, after all, if he just promised to come and lay down with her. Getting to her feet, she stretched before finding his hand and linking her fingers through his for the ten step walk to the bed. It was a prime example of how much she hated being without touching him for long, a physical indication of the fact that he was really there and she was able to feel the chill of his skin.

Letting go of his fingers, she pulled back the covers and crawled into bed. It was a bit too warm at the moment with her choice of clothing and the fact that there were two thick blankets covering it in addition to her sheets, but it was only a matter of seconds before that would be remedied. Settling herself down, she reached for Jasper when she was situated, wrapping an arm securely around his middle so she could lay her head down on his shoulder, her face tucked near the crook of his neck. It was her favorite way to sleep and without a problem, Bella would have been content to lay there for days and days without moving.

"You're wearing me out with all of your studying," she remarked sleepily, yawning again. Her lips moved to brush against the column of his neck, seeking out the comforting cold.

* * *

Jasper expected her response to be pretty much what it was. She always fought off sleep as hard as she could, and Jasper did find that to be both endearing and amusing at times. Especially when she got so tired she'd start saying incoherent things. He'd always humor her until she finally did fall asleep on him or give in and go to bed. Either way, he'd take care of her throughout the night. He watched her as she got up from the window seat and took her hand so he could follow her to the bed. He let her get situated comfortably, then couldn't help but grin as she reached for him. It was adorable, really, and it made him feel incredible to know that she wanted him so close to her. Bella trusted him enough to sleep in his arms, when she was at her most vulnerable. Jasper wasn't sure she realized how important that was to him.

He laid down with her and let her curl up on him as she always did. She'd layered up with her clothing and blankets, which made the cold more bearable, he hoped. He knew she still had to be cold at night, but there wasn't much more they could do. He thought about purchasing her an electric blanket and figured he'd look into that soon. Fortunately they were getting close to summer, and though Forks still always had its cloudy skies, the weather would warm up and the cool air wouldn't be quite so present. Jasper watched her as she laid against him, his arm beneath and around her so that his hand could lightly stroke her back.

"I'll try to go easier on you," he said softly, and kissed her forehead.

This was supposed to be a night like all of the rest that they'd had recently. She was supposed to fall asleep and start dreaming, he'd watch her and listen to her speak, comfort her to keep the bad dreams away, and wait for the sun to rise so that he could wake her for school. But something was wrong. Something was out of place. He could sense his own calm, and Bella's. He could even sense the distant neighbors' calm emotions as they settled in for the night. But there was something out there, something.. unpredictable.

He didn't move; not at first, anyway. Jasper stayed very still. _Too_ still. Had they gotten careless? Jasper looked down at Bella, not wanting to disturb her, but knowing he absolutely had to go check. The feeling was getting closer at a very fast pace, and it was beginning to overpower the calm all together. He kissed the top of Bella's head, and gently pulled his arm out from beneath her to let her stay settled in bed. He wasn't foolish enough to think that hadn't awakened her, but he hoped she was sleepy enough that she'd doze back off. Standing up, he crept to the window and started looking out, scanning the yard and as far as he could see.

* * *

It wasn't long before Bella drifted off to sleep, much to her disappointment, but as per usual. She slumbered peacefully, dreaming of nothing of significance as she remained curled into Jasper. It was funny how though she should have naturally repelled the cold as she slept and pulled away from it, she actually pulled him closer, tightening her arm around him more tightly in an unconscious move as if the rest of the world was what was the source of the cold and Jasper was the only thing keeping her warm. And safe.

But that comfortable safety was soon to be tested in a way that neither of them would have been expecting. When Jasper moved, Bella stirred and rolled over, but she didn't wake fully, just mumbled his name and went back to sleep. Everything seemed to have greatly improved as far as the newborn attacks went. It had been at least a month since Victoria had been in her room while Bella was unaware of it downstairs in order to obtain her scent. But perhaps their relaxation had been their downfall. Perhaps, the clever cat-like vampire had been hoping for a lax view on the situation in order to continue with the steps of her plan. And now, she was starting to put those steps in order.

* * *

Bartholemew was Victoria's 'second in command' if ever there was a newborn that was capable of possessing such a title. She saw potential in him and through clever manipulation, she tempted him into doing whatever she wished. His affection for her was a driving force that let him believe it. And thus, when Victoria needed to obtain Bella's scent again, it was a true test to see how well the newborn vampire would succeed. He'd been studying the scent on the clothes that were stolen the first time and he could have tracked it down so easily, it was as if it were a snap of the fingers. On this night, that was what he did. He waited, upon Victoria's instructions, until it was nightfall before he stalked the house where the girl slept.

As Bartholemew grew closer, he recognized another scent – one of his own kind. Instantly, he felt possessive. Who was already there? Had his lover sent another in his place to do the job instead? Was there another predator after the human's blood before his Victoria could carry out her well-constructed plan? The thoughts only increased not only his speed and determination, but his anger as well. The unfamiliar vampire scent drew him from the woods behind Bella's house, mingled with the scent of the human's blood, a ripped a growl through his throat as he filtered into the yard. When he did, the sight of the offending figure loomed in the window. Instantly, the newborn's mouth filled with venom, blood-red eyes darkening considerably. It was but a second longer before he made the move to pounce.

* * *

There was a certain scent that all newborns carried; they were more potent than aged vampires, having just been brought into this world. Their venom was thicker, their bodies more durable. Jasper had not taken in that scent in many years, but it was a scent he would never forget. He'd opened the window, and immediately he was able to pick up the scent in the night air. A newborn was nearby, and closing the gap between it and Bella's house at a rapid pace. They'd been careless. He couldn't even wake Bella to call the family for back up. They were at least one hundred miles away. No matter. He'd controlled hundreds of newborns in his time. He could handle one.

He saw it, emerging into the yard. Its teeth were bared, and he heard its threatening growl as he started circling the ground. Jasper gave a defensive growl in return. He could tell, this was a strong one. It had enough control to walk down a human-infested street without attacking. That complicated things. Jasper did not risk turning to look at Bella, even though he wanted to. She was surely still sleeping, but he called out to her anyway.

"Stay in the house, Bella!"

In the blink of an eye, he'd leapt from the window and caught the newborn in his grasp, the two wrestling to the ground. Jasper snarled and hissed, shoving him back away from the house. He curled into a defensive crouch, allowing himself a couple of seconds to study the physique of his foe. Jasper was much leaner; Emmett would have been the proper choice for this battle. But Jasper was quicker, smarter, and knew what he was doing; he'd taken down several newborns just like this one in order to maintain his status in Maria's army, to maintain his status as her mate.

Jasper knew that a newborn's attention span wasn't very driven. He was serving as a distraction from the main goal. As long as Bella stayed away from the window, he'd be able to keep the vampire's attention on him. He was the current challenge, he was the focus of the newborn's attention. They weren't exactly multi-taskers. He snapped his teeth again and beckoned him forward, turning his head to one side. He needed to see the style of fighting he'd be up against. Right now it just looked like he'd be attacked head on. That was a typical newborn tactic. He just needed to see if this one could think outside the box.

* * *

With the way Jasper shouted to her, there was no way that Bella could have mistaken reality from a bad dream. Immediately, she snapped awake, sitting up and looking bewildered. Her eyes looked on Jasper just before he leapt from the window and instantly, she tensed.

"Jasper?" she called, feeling panic begin to creep through her veins before anything could even process as to what was exactly going on. When she heard the growls, she ignored any common sense that told her to stay exactly where she was and in with speed that was impressive even for a human, she scrambled out of bed and hurried to the window.

What she saw was frightening. Her blood ran cold when the sight of Jasper wrestling with a demonic looking vampire invaded her reality.

"Jasper!" she cried out, her hands banging against the bottom of the window sill.

He was by himself. He was fighting this newborn thing (she assumed it was a newborn in any case) by _himself_. Bella knew something about newborns after the killings started. They were extremely strong and fierce fighters. And currently, one of them was engaged in a battle with the person she loved. Loved. Yes, she loved him. If ever there was something that threw her feelings into place and locked them into the correct puzzle pieces, it was this. And her heart was on fire with worry and anxiety watching him now.

She was frantic. Whimpering with frustration and worry at the window for a moment, she debated running outside. She had to help him. There was no way she could just stand there and watch this. If something happened to him…. That was it. She ignored his warning and turned from the window. Stumbling twice, she made it to her door, first grabbing her cell phone and frantically trying to dial Carlisle's number. By the time she made it to the back door to the yard, there was still no answer. Standing in the doorway, she clutched onto it with one hand to keep herself upright, while the other continued to dial another number. When Emmett didn't answer either, she threw the tiny phone against the ground and groaned in frustration. What could she do? She had to do something. She couldn't – would _not_ - let anything hurt Jasper.

* * *

They'd been circling each other, growling warnings at the other and snapping teeth. Jasper could see the venom dripping from the newborn's teeth, but showed no sign of fear. He had venom too, after all. They kept faking each other out. Jasper would feign a lunge, and the newborn would jump back, then the opposite would occur. It wasn't until Bella came to the door that things changed.

Jasper had heard her calling out to him and knew that the newborn had to have heard her voice too, but when she appeared it was enough to jar the larger vampire's attention. Bella was a particularly potent human, with a beating heart and blood running through her veins, and because Jasper had reduced him into a frenzying newborn, his natural state, he'd forgotten his control and his objective. Having Bella so close was enough to push Bartholemew over the edge.

The newborn ran past Jasper towards Bella, his eyes wild and thirsty for her blood. He was snarling, ready to kill her in that instant.

Jasper had whipped his head around to see her just as she came to the door. He cursed, then ran towards Bella. It didn't matter if he was stronger, he just had to get to Bella before Bartholemew. He did, because he was much faster. Jasper pivoted once he got between the two and lunged forward to collide with the newborn head on as he'd done before. This time, with the newborn already prepared to bite, Jasper suffered a consequence for his defensive action.

He'd felt this sort of pain before. The only thing that could pierce a vampire's skin was the teeth of another vampire. He felt the newborn sink his teeth into his shoulder, and the burning sting of the venom starting to spread. Jasper hissed, but did not recoil.

"Get back in the house!" he called to Bella, but did not tear away from the newborn.

Instead he kept fighting. He pushed him off, then lunged at him again and the two tangled in a fierce fight, clawing at each other, trying to tear each other apart. Jasper landed a couple of bites himself, but also took a few more. Each time they broke, if the newborn lunged at Bella, Jasper was there to stop him. Neither was seeming to waver, or showing any sign of backing down.

The next time they collided, it sounded as if two trees had fallen against each other. Jasper managed to catch Bartholemew's arm and wrench it out of the socket. That was the move he'd needed. It threw the newborn off and sent him back several paces. Jasper lunged at him again and twisted his arm further, drawing a howl from the other creature. Bartholemew retreated back further, growled, then ran off. Jasper followed at first, but then stopped. He couldn't leave Bella unprotected. He stopped at the edge of the yard, but continued staring down in the direction that the newborn had taken off. His eyes were black, his hair an unruly mess of curls, his shirt torn. The gaps in the torn material showed several angry red wounds as the venom began taking the shape of the scars that would be in its place. He was still, not even breathing. Jasper had not had to fight like that in a long time. But he'd come out victorious. There had never been a shred of doubt in his mind. He couldn't fail. He had to keep her safe.

* * *

Bella so desperately wanted to close her eyes and make everything disappear by just thinking about it hard enough. But there was no way she could tear her eyes away from the scene, not from Jasper. She knew she had made a mistake when she called out from the doorway and immediately, she regretted it. When she watched the newborn sprint toward her, she had time to take one step back before Jasper cut him off. Her eyes were wide, her heartbeat raging, and she cowered in fear from the kitchen, a few steps further from where she'd stood before.

This was like it was in Volterra all over again. Angry red marks appeared on Jasper's pale skin and each time a new one was given, a piece of her heart broke. She felt so worthless standing there. Bella didn't realize she stopped breathing for a moment until she gasp when she saw the newborn bite Jasper's shoulder. The sound he made pierced her very soul and she reached out to him. But there was nothing she could do. She stood, frozen to the spot, her lower lip trembling as she resorted to all she _could _do – pray and hope that he would be all right. It wasn't like she didn't have faith in Jasper; she did. But the fear that something, anything would happen to him was nearly crippling and it flooded her with doubts.

It felt like hours had passed before it was over. When it was, she was still frozen. Her body was shaking from fear, but immobile otherwise. When Jasper stopped, she stopped breathing again. She wanted so badly to approach him more than anything, to take away those red lines that he'd taken for _her_, and kiss him until he was healed. But she was fearful. Not of Jasper himself, but of the situation. She worried he was angry at her for making things worse by not listening to him and not staying in the house as he'd told her. But standing back at a distance when she just wanted to be close to him was getting to be too much for her, even though only a few moments had passed since the newborn ran off.

There was no telling whether or not the vicious creature was gone for good, but it didn't matter. Very cautiously, Bella called to him again. "Jasper?" Her voice sounded like a whisper.

All she wanted to do was to throw her arms around him and pull him close to her, but she wasn't sure if he would allow for it at the moment. She could only imagine the state of mind he was in and she could feel a mix of things coming from him that she couldn't entirely decipher. Still though, she nervously crossed the yard, not caring that the grass was cold against her bare feet. Her heart felt colder than anything.

* * *

Jasper was trying very hard to calm himself down. He was still in survival mode, still feeling extremely defensive and primal. He _had_ to calm down; especially now that his thirst had returned. Otherwise, he was going to be just as dangerous to Bella as the newborn. He was on edge and really angry at himself for not finishing the job and killing the newborn. Now that one would have a grudge. He'd be back, and there was no telling when.

_Calm __**down**_, he silently commanded himself. Feeling Bella's fears and her anxiety behind him wasn't helping. He couldn't blame her though. Her life had just been put in danger, and it was only natural she still be feeling the effects of it.

Her heartbeat was pounding in his ears and he could smell the rush of blood running through her as her heart drummed so fast. It was maddening. Yet somehow, he was managing to stay still. He wasn't turning on her and lunging at her. He wasn't trying to satiate his thirst. All that time he'd spent starving himself apparently had built up a bit of a tolerance. All the heartache and pain from losing his wife had put the pain he felt when he thirsted into a different perspective. He was able to harness it in and just endure it.

It took him another few minutes to calm himself enough to turn around and actually face her. She looked so frightened and so concerned for him. Why was she so worried? It was only then that he really and truly felt the weight of his wounds. He looked down at his shoulder and both his arms and the angry red bites were still glaring at him. The venom hadn't paralyzed him, but it did make his limbs a bit stiff, and it still throbbed with a bit of pain. They were starting to heal, but it would probably be another few hours before the redness faded and the scars formed into their permanent place. No matter. Just another few to add to the hundreds already there. At least these were scars he could be proud of.

"It's cold out here. You need to be inside, Bella," he said quietly. He was hesitant to approach her, for fear she'd be afraid of him after what she'd just seen. "I don't want you to get sick out here."

* * *

Jasper was concerned with the weather? When he spoke, her lips parted, shocked by his choice of words. He wasn't going to tell her that she was foolish for not listening to him? He wasn't going to say that they needed to get out of there now? He wasn't going to make any mention about the pain he had to obviously be in judging by the marks that marred his body? Bella didn't understand it. His concern, while it should have only been for himself, was fixated on the possibility of her getting sick from the chilly night air. Jasper really never ceased to surprise her.

But there was one thing that the quiet tone of voice he used did; it allowed her to manage the courage to close the distance between the two of them. She didn't fear _him_. Bella feared what happened. She feared though, more than anything else, that he would push her away from him now. That was where the need for bravery came into play and she was taking a huge risk by touching him. But the brunette couldn't help it. She _needed _to be close to him, to see for herself that she wasn't just making him up and that this incident had ended significantly better than it did for Edward and Alice in Volterra. Bella had a cruel mind; it was often liable to play terrible tricks on her like that.

Her heart was so heavy with desperation to ensure Jasper's safety that it was hard to control any other aspect of herself. But Bella strived to do so and when she was close enough, she gingerly wrapped her arms around him. "Jasper," she said, her voice mingling with relief, sadness, and admiration all at one time.

Her face pushed against his neck on the side that wasn't near his deepest wound on his shoulder. She didn't even realize she was crying until she opened her eyes and her vision was blurred and the arms that she had around him her shaking not only with remnants of her previous fear for Jasper's life, but because she was sobbing. It couldn't have helped him by any means that she was such an emotional wreck, but Bella couldn't even begin to control herself.

"Are you okay? What… Is there something I can… Jasper, I don't even know what…" Eventually, she stopped trying to get out full sentences. It was too hard to do when she was so consumed with feelings for him, that she couldn't even take a breath.

* * *

The stinging was bad, but Jasper had endured worse as far as injuries went. To someone like Bella though, it might have seemed much worse. It surprised him that she got so upset. He knew she cared, but he didn't realize this would affect her so much. He stayed still at first when she approached, but allowed her to wrap her arms around him and hide her face in the crook of his neck. He could feel her tears against his skin, and it broke his heart to know that she was crying.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she started talking before he could. Well, she was attempting to talk. Her sentences were choppy and she was stammering. Jasper couldn't blame her for that. Bella was crying and she was scared. Neither of which he could blame her for, either. It did bring him a certain amount of relief to know that she wasn't afraid of him, though. That was the last thing he wanted, since he was trying so hard to protect her.

But he needed her to calm down. He wasn't going to be able to stay this close to her for long if she was hysterical. It would rub off on him and that wasn't a good thing when he was so thirsty.

"Bella.." he murmured her name softly as his arms came around her.

She'd feel a wave of calm washing over her as he used his power to help bring her out of her hysterics. He hated having to do that, but right now it was of the utmost importance that she calm down at least a little bit. Very gently, he turned her and started to walk her back into the house. He would have carried her, but his arms were still stiff and sore. It also would have brought them closer together in a way he wasn't sure he'd be able to handle right now.

Once he got her into the house, he shut and locked the door, then escorted her back up to her room. Once they were inside, he immediately called Carlisle, but got his voicemail. He left messages with him and Emmett both, then tossed his phone onto her dresser and ran a hand through his mess of curls. He went back to the window then, feeling horrible for having neglected it so much recently.

* * *

Calm felt foreign to her. She knew that Jasper was attempting to manipulate her emotions when she felt it seep through her, but consciously, she knew, it didn't feel right. Because Bella wasn't calm. She was near hysterical.

He wouldn't understand.

There was no way Jasper could have understood. Seeing him fighting…. Watching him, unable to do anything… It put her right back in Italy. That weakness was something that could have killed Bella easier and more painfully than any kind of vampire could have done. She was flooded with reminders of the sounds, the senses of that day. Alice's cries, Edward's voice calling to her… The memories hurt her so badly that she literally could not bring herself to calm on her own. That was when she felt his arms around her. But even that, even something she had grown to love so much, didn't feel right. It felt forced, as if he were only allowing her to get close to him so that he could calm her down himself with use of his ability. Somewhere in the forefront of her mind, Bella felt the stabbing fear of rejection.

It was on account of the fact that her thoughts were currently jumbled and illogical, surely. But that didn't account for the fact that her heart was in so much pain at the moment at the thought. Why _would_ he want to be around her? Why _would _he want to subject himself to misery and pain, incidents like the one that just occurred? Why would he ever put himself through that for her? Jasper could have been killed and just like Edward and Alice, it would have been by Bella's hand. He shouldn't have stopped running at the end of the yard. He should have kept on going, not to chase after the newborn, but instead, to get as far away from her as he could.

She felt like she was another person watching the scenes from a far away place. She'd felt like this before – this illusory ideal of herself keeping an eye on the way the world went on and fell apart at the hands of her human, real self. The ghost-like Bella watched the other one settle momentarily enough to get herself to her room with his help and through ghostly eyes, she swore she could see the regret that lay within Jasper's as he led her counterpart back into the house. The real Bella couldn't turn and face him for fear of seeing the regret herself. But when he moved to the window, she allowed herself a look over at him. Despite the wave of calm and soothing he sent over her minutes before, she could feel it slipping away and being replaced by the negative emotions that were so overpowering, they could have rivaled Jasper's gift.

Knowing this, _feeling _this, Bella left the room and retreated to the bathroom, closing the door behind her. He needed space. He needed to get away from her and the danger she caused to everything and everyone she touched. It was as if Bella were literally the kiss of death. The negativity swallowed her whole and crawling into the bathtub, her real self became whole with the ghost-like existence of herself that she felt was always observing from the outside. The collision brought forth another eruption of emotions. Sinking lower against the porcelain-like coffin, she covered her face with her hands and started to cry again. She was so torn between wanting him close to her, to come in and pull her close to him, and staying where he was, or one better, leaving her there to be the one to deal with battles that he never should have been involved in.

Guilt and selfishness and weakness filled the otherwise empty tub and Bella tried – she really did, for Jasper's sake – to stifle them as best as she could. But the fear of nearly losing him - _him_ - was too strong for her to win any such battle with herself. She didn't know how she would ever even explain this emotional outburst to him.

Or, if he would even stay to let her.

* * *

Jasper wished he could divide himself into two entities right now. One to keep guard of her house in case the newborn came back and brought more of his kind with him, and one to go to Bella and comfort her. The latter was what was most important to him at this moment, even though he knew leaving his position at the window would be reckless. Part of him didn't care, though. He just wanted to make all of her pain go away.

Some protector he was.

He'd saved her from the newborn, but couldn't protect her from the pain she was obviously feeling inside. He could feel it rolling off of her, and it broke his heart. What could he do? How could he fix it? Did she even want him to try?

Leaving the window was probably a logical mistake. But right now, Jasper wasn't thinking logically. He was following his heart. It ached for Bella, to feel her warmth against him, to have her near him. He needed her, and though he wasn't sure she wanted him right now, he had to try. He could hear her crying, and he couldn't stand it. Her pain was heart wrenching for him. Jasper left her room and stood outside the bathroom door. He was hesitant for only a moment before he gently opened the door.

What he saw broke his heart all over again.

Without a word, he moved into the tub with her and drew her into his arms. He made no move to try to calm her this time, but held her to him and let her cry all she needed to. He closed his eyes and kissed the top of her head. He hoped she'd let him stay with her, and he hoped that she wanted him to stay. It hurt him to be there, but it would have hurt unbelievably more to be away from her. At least this way, even though they were in pain, they could be there for each other.

* * *

Bella had her answer of whether or not he was going to leave soon enough. When he opened the door, she didn't look at him at first. She didn't expect him to get so close to her, squeezing into the bathtub with her and holding her against him to allow her to cry freely. It was funny – when he wasn't trying to calm her with anything aside from his close proximity and gentle touches alone, she seemed to settle down. No longer did the soothing feel like a foreign thing. It felt natural, like it was easy to let him help her calm down. Her tears continued for a few minutes more, but the ones that were drawn now from her eyes were out of relief and little else. He wanted to be with her just as much as she wanted him there. That was enough to erase any threats of negative emotions.

When she was calmer, the tears on her cheeks only fading traces of saline trails now that were beginning to dry, she looked up at him. "I'm… I'm so happy you're okay," she said, expressing one of the many thoughts she wanted to convey earlier.

He wasn't entirely okay though and the red marks on his otherwise seemingly flawless skin were difficult to see. He didn't deserve them. They didn't belong there. "You're hurt, Jas," she said softly, tracing her fingers over his collarbone. His shirt was torn and aside from his shoulder, Bella could spy other marks on his torso. "How can we fix it?" she asked, eyes widening with concern for him as her fingers moved to stroke his cheek.

Somehow, she was quite sure that some peroxide and a band-aid wouldn't help these sorts of cuts.

* * *

Parting from her would have been too much to stand. Jasper had no intention of leaving, unless she sent him away. Even then, he would have just stayed in one of the trees outside in order to guard her from there. What Bella didn't quite understand yet was that Jasper had given her his devotion. She would always have him. He would always protect her. Even if she decided she didn't want to be with him, he would be there for her.

He held her close as she cried, just letting her get out all of her emotion. He wanted her to feel safe in his arms, for her to know it was okay for her to cry. He rubbed her back gently, and curled up with her. It was a tight fit for them both to be in the bathtub, but Jasper didn't really care about that. He just wanted to be with her. This was where he needed to be right then, and nothing else in the world mattered. He just needed Bella and to be holding her. The rest of the world could come crashing down, but as long as he had her it would be all right.

When she spoke, he was relieved. That meant that she was possibly getting more calm. Calm enough to speak again, at least. Jasper looked down to meet her watery eyes. She wasn't actively crying anymore, but there were still tears there. He gently brought one of his hands up to lightly brush them away, then cupped her cheek.

"I'm fine. Nothing for you to worry further about." He ran his hand through her hair, then back down to join the other at the small of her back as he held her. At the mention of his wounds, he looked away. "They'll heal on their own. It's nothing to worry about. Trust me. I've had worse happen than this. Don't you worry on it, all right? By morning you won't even be able to see the marks anymore."

* * *

There was nowhere else Bella wanted to be. She was well in tune with the fact that it was always difficult to be away from Jasper, and perhaps, that had been one of the reason why she took the situation of what just happened so difficultly; they were apart. It was the helpless feeling she couldn't stand. If something had happened to Jasper, something that wouldn't wind up with him beside her now, Bella never would have forgiven herself.

His gentle back rubbing helped to calm her further and sooner rather than later, her sobs disappeared. Occasionally, she would hiccup or sniffle, remnants of the intensity of the sadness and guilt she'd just recently experienced. When he moved his hand to touch her face and wipe away her tears, she placed her hand atop of his reverently. Her cheek, which had been so flushed from her emotional outburst, was cooled by his skin.

"I always worry about you, Jas," she admittedly honestly.

He needed to understand that. He needed to understand that he was the most important thing she had now and she would always fear for his safety. He might have been a predator himself and obviously, as shown from the battle earlier on that night even, that he was very capable of taking care of himself, but Bella still worried for him. That was what happened when one's heart was tied to someone and Jasper held all of the strings to hers it felt like. Aside from that, while it was true that yes, he could take care of himself, Bella wished to be able to take care of him as well. She wanted to contribute to his safety and his happiness and she would strive to do that in any possible way she could.

It didn't make her feel much better about the wounds to know that they would be invisible the next morning. She would still know they were there and it was obvious that Jasper wouldn't be able to forget them either. He kept telling her not to worry, but Bella, even if would agree to appease him, knew it would be an impossible task to forego doing so.

"Will you come lay with me?" she asked hopefully.

It was cramped for the two of them in the bathtub and for him, she knew it would be worse for how lanky he was. In addition, the close quarters weren't the best when he was in pain from the fight with the newborn and she wanted to make him as comfortable as she could have. Kissing his cheek, she nuzzled her nose against it before gently pulling herself from the tub, holding out her hand for him to follow her.

When they returned to her room, she turned to face him in order to assess his wounds closer. His shirt was a mess and it made things look even worse than they might have been to begin with. Letting go of his hand, her fingers moved to the bottom of the tattered fabric while he eyes met his.

"May I?" she asked, a hint of nervousness and apprehension in her question while she gently lifted the hem of his shirt slightly.

* * *

Jasper was so incredibly relieved when she did not try to pull away from him. She'd laid against him and held onto him, crying until she couldn't anymore. He'd managed to calm her down and that was an enormous relief. He could feel her pain subsiding, and her emotions were not as through the roof as they'd been before. They were together again and that alone had made him feel immensely better about everything.

It didn't matter to him how cramped it was in the bathtub. He couldn't feel the discomfort, and actually the tight quarters meant that they had to be close. That wasn't something he was going to protest. He would've laid there with her all night, but he did know that the tub was hard, and not as comfortable for her as her bed would be. So when she asked if he'd come lay down with her, he nodded and stole a soft kiss before she was out of his reach. Once she was out of the tub, he stood up and took her hand in his, joining her and walking into her room just a step behind her.

When Bella asked him about removing his shirt, Jasper tensed a little. It was nothing she'd done; he just... had issues with having his shirt off. It shouldn't have mattered. After all, Bella would not be able to see the marred flesh of his upper body. Not in the dim light of her bedroom, at least. He'd let her feel the scar on his wrist, which actually was a _very _big deal seeing as he never talked about that particular scar or let anyone else near it. He was just so used to hiding the scars and shielding even himself from having to be subjected to them, that he was still afraid to remove his shirt in front of her. Jasper placed his hands over hers to halt her lifting his shirt, but immediately felt he needed to explain his actions. He didn't want her to think she'd done anything wrong.

"I'm sorry.. It's just.. I.."

How could he explain this to her without sounding completely crazy? It _was_ crazy. He wouldn't be subjecting her to seeing his scarred body because she _couldn't_ see it. She'd just see the camouflage. Maybe that was why he didn't want her to see him. He'd be subjecting her to the _lie_. But Bella had endured enough pain for that night. He didn't want to make it worse. Jasper gently took his hands off of hers. He quietly nodded his head, indicating that it was all right.

* * *

Bella wasn't sure what to think when he stopped her hands from lifting his shirt. Her immediate reaction was embarrassment before anything else. Her cheeks flushed; she could feel them burning a deep shade of red with humiliation at her actions. Surely, she had been too bold. That was the reason. While the two of them were close and spent hours and hours cuddling and kissing, this was different, a new step. They hadn't gotten there yet and though Bella was planning to remove his shirt now as a means of making him more comfortable in terms of his injuries and getting rid of the torn material as opposed to taking it off in a moment of desire, the latter wasn't something she hadn't thought about a hundred times before this.

Of course she had.

Bella couldn't deny that when he held her at night, she wondered what it would be like to rest against his bare skin. She was, quite obviously, very attracted to Jasper. She always wanted to be as close to him as possible and so the desire she felt to be able to touch him, let her fingers and lips over newly exposed skin was by no means a shocking idea. It was, however, one that made her shy. The last thing she wanted to do was push him or ever make him feel uncomfortable with her. And Bella would've been lying if she said that she didn't have doubts - at least fleeting ones - that maybe he didn't want her in the same way. It was hard to believably conceive such an idea considering how close they'd gotten and how frequently they kissed, but Bella had a very difficult time coming to terms with the fact that she was considered to be desirable by any man, especially one so gorgeous and kind-hearted as Jasper.

In addition, she knew what she had a tendency to think too much with passion and her heart instead of her mind when she was in such situations. Edward would frequently grow annoyed and frustrated with her attempts to be more intimate with him. Bella always felt ashamed and guilty for it; she never wanted to anger him and she knew it was difficult for him with his desire for her blood. And though she could understand it and thus, never blame him, it always hurt when he pushed her back. But when you loved someone, it was hard _not _to have such feelings for them. That was how she felt with Jasper, now more than ever.

He seemed to rethink himself when he stumbled over his words and Bella was bewildered at this. She had been expecting him to tell her to stop and she was just getting ready to apologize for overstepping an obvious boundary when he nodded and stopped trying to explain. Part of her said to just leave it, that there had to have been a reason he started to deny her. Another part said that he was allowing it and to just go on and do what she'd intended by taking the shirt off. Bella was torn, fighting with reason and logic against what her heart wanted - always to be closer to him.

She looked up at him once more to ensure it was all right. Then, very carefully, she pulled up the fabric of his shirt, lifting it as high as she could before he would lean to bend for her to remove it. She was, unsurprisingly, struck with how handsome he was. His skin was like pale marble and save for the angry red marks, flawless. Bella wouldn't have cared what it looked like though. It was Jasper and to her, he would always be striking. She dropped the shirt by their feet and very cautiously trailed her fingers down his bare sides. Stepping forward, she pressed her lips to the place where his heart would have been beating underneath. Her own, she could feel, was racing.

* * *

Jasper's heart had stopped beating over a century ago - closer to two centuries, to be accurate. It had been abused severely immediately after the cessation of its beating, then left to fester in pain, then nurtured and filled with hope, given the capacity to love endlessly, only to be shattered into a million painful shards cutting deeply into his severed soul. Only recently had those shards begun to pick themselves up and piece back together what had once been his heart. It was a slow process and there had been many pieces to pick up, but they had. They'd come together to reform what had been lost, though they were still very fragile. Jasper feared one more incident would break it beyond repair.

As Bella removed his shirt, all of his fears and self-loathing were brought to the surface. His insecurities were on display, covering him even though he was exposed to her. Bella's human eyes were blind to them, but Jasper knew each one intimately. He remembered how he received them all. It was almost too much for him to keep standing there. Bella would see the beauty, not the beast. She would see what she was meant to see and nothing more. It made Jasper sick to think he was deceiving her.

But when she pressed her lips to his skin over his heart, he felt all the fragile pieces solidify. It was as if Bella's kiss was the final piece of the puzzle, making him complete once more. It was bittersweet for him; she'd made him whole again, but it was under a false impression. Surely she would not have kissed him if she could've seen what she was kissing. That wasn't to say that Bella was shallow, that she judged a person by their looks. But honestly? Who would ever want to be close to someone like him? Jasper couldn't possibly have been blessed more than once.

He could hear her heart racing and it made the rush of blood flowing through her body fill his nostrils. The fire in his throat raged, but the dominant emotions of fear and insecurity, longing and need, were keeping the fire under control. Jasper was scared, and she'd be able to feel his insecurity as he stood there. Almost timidly, he slid his arms around her. He wanted her to know that despite his fears, he still wanted to be close to her.

"I'm sorry if I scared you," he said quietly. "I'd.. hoped you'd never have to see that side of me. I'd hoped I would never have to tap into it again."

* * *

She _could _feel his insecurity, but she misinterpreted it. Bella couldn't and would not be able to realize what the source of his doubts were. She figured, though, that it more had something to do with the fact that he'd just fought off a newborn and was struggling with the thirst that he had to have been feeling. Visibly, there was nothing she could see that he was worrying himself over aside from the fresh slashes of red.

When he put his arms around her, she did the same, but was very mindful of his wounds. The last thing she wanted to do was to cause him greater pain. After all, it was her fault he'd ever experienced _any_.

"I was only scared because I thought you would be hurt," she said honestly. The way he fought didn't scare her. Not at all. Bella was so unlike most people who it probably would have terrified. Instead, she knew it was in his nature and… she was _glad_ he fought like he did. Otherwise, she didn't know if he would be victorious. That was her fear. _That _was what scared her.

She looked at Jasper no differently. To her, he was the same as he always was, despite what she'd witnessed minutes before. If anything, she felt like she had a new little part of him, something else that made up the person he was. If anything, Bella felt closer to him than ever. Laying her head against his chest near his undamaged shoulder, she gently stoked her fingers up his spine in a soothing manner.

"I would never be afraid of you, Jasper." He needed to understand that. He needed to understand that she was telling the truth. It was another time when her emotions worked in her favor. When he'd pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her, she felt relief. Bella knew Jasper would be able to feel it too.

* * *

Jasper could feel her relief, and it made him relax momentarily. He wanted to give in to that relief, to hold onto it and just melt into her. He wanted to kiss her, to hold her, to take her to her bed and kiss her there. He wanted to hold her against him for the rest of the night and let her kiss his skin as she'd just done. But he couldn't do that. He couldn't stand knowing she was being deceived.

Her fingers would brush over a few scars every now and then, and it was just a constant reminder that she was unaware of the monster he really was. She'd gotten a glimpse of it when he lunged at her on her birthday, and she'd seen it in action in her yard just moments before. Now she was cuddling with it and didn't even realize. It wasn't fair. She deserved so much better than that. She needed to know the truth, but he was terrified to tell her. For one thing, he was afraid she'd hear his story and he'd lose her. For another, he just didn't like to relive it. His past was cruel, and it sickened him to know he was capable of such horrific sins. He'd have to talk about Maria, too, and she was a topic that he did not like to discuss at all. Just the thought of her name made him cringe.

"You should be afraid of me, Bella," he said quietly. He slowly moved back, keeping his arms around her but putting a small gap between them. "I don't think you'd feel the same if you knew how much of a monster I really am." He moved further back, releasing her from his hold and dropping his hands to his sides.

"It's really not fair for me to keep you so close to me, when you should be recoiling in disgust. I should have said this before, but.. it just didn't hit home with me until now. Now that I'm exposed to you. I.. I can't be close to you like this again until you know everything. It's just not right. You deserve to know the truth. You deserve so much better."

Jasper ducked his head in shame, looking down at the floor. He hated who he once was. He still didn't love himself, but he'd gotten a little better about that over the last several years. But right now? He loathed himself something fierce.

* * *

Bella hadn't been expecting his sudden change in response. She knew that there was a lot running through his mind considering everything that happened and she could feel that something was wrong. Until he pulled away from her though and started speaking, she didn't understand just how wrong something was. He seemed to be speaking something specific, something that she didn't grasp. Where were his fears coming from? Why was he so convinced that she would be so disgusted with him? Bella knew, despite not knowing the cause of his fears, that he would be wrong about that. She could never be disgusted with him. She could never feel as if she did _not _want to always be around him. Bella failed to see how he would ever think otherwise and she momentarily had a fear that perhaps, she hadn't been as clear as she wanted to in expressing the way she felt about him. Otherwise, there should not have been a doubt in his mind.

The look of her face read of both hurt and bewilderment in equal parts when he drew back from her. "What do you mean, Jasper?" she asked, her brow furrowing. He obviously wanted distance between them, but Bella stepped forward to rest a hand on his forearm in any case. She was extremely concerned with the way he was being so down on himself, looking at him in a way that would have been the exact opposite as she viewed him.

"You aren't a monster. Don't say that," she said, frowning. He needed to know that before he told her whatever it was that he was going on about now. "What's wrong?"

* * *

Jasper shook his head. "No, Bella. I am." He ran a hand through his hair, which had still been a little disheveled after his altercation outside. "You just can't see it because you're believing the camouflage." He looked down to where she was touching his arm, and he could see her fingers passing over his marred skin. It made him want to jerk his arm away. Not from her touch, but because of what she was touching.

"Don't misunderstand me. The things I've told you and the feelings I've expressed are all very real. It's just.. the person you see.. isn't what's actually there. If you had my vision, you'd see. You'd understand what sort of creature I am." The seal she'd placed over his heart with her kiss became strained. This was hurting him so badly. The prospect of losing her was just too much, but, he cared for her more than he cared about his own needs. He had to push through this pain and give her the truth she deserved, no matter what result it produced. If she shunned him, maybe it would be better in the long run for her. She deserved better than him anyway.

"I've done a lot of horrible things, Bella. Unspeakable things. I should have told you all of this a lot sooner. I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head. He looked as if he would have been crying, if he cold produce tears. "I just.. Being with you has meant everything to me. You, mean everything to me. I know how selfish that sounds. But things happened between us and then, I got so wrapped up in my feelings for you that I just couldn't bring myself to talk about this. I have to, though. You have to know."

Jasper looked at her, finally, but found it difficult to hold her gaze. "That scar I let you feel. There's a reason it's so pronounced, that you can feel it. And.. it's not the only one I have. There are.. more.. You just can't feel them."

* * *

Jasper was starting to piece together some things, but he still wasn't telling her everything. She still couldn't quite understand what he meant or where this was all originating from. What she did know, was that seeing him like this did nothing less than break her heart. He was the one who had fixed it, mended the dust that it had been reduced to, but seeing him so upset was enough to break it all to bits again.

Perhaps it was supposed to make her feel better when he assured her he had feelings for her, but it seemed to do the opposite. It solidified her fears, intensified her anxiety. It felt like he was pushing her away or else, getting ready to. Maybe he was saying these things because he no longer had a desire to follow through with the feelings that he just mentioned. There were a hundred different thoughts running through her head at the moment, but she wouldn't get the answers to anything until Jasper told her his story.

When he mentioned the scars, her head tilted slightly in confusion. He had more? How many more? Surely, he couldn't have gotten them the same way as the one on her hand or the one of his wrist. Again, more questions left unanswered for the time being, but watching him – seeing him so upset – she couldn't wait much longer. It hurt so badly to see him like this, especially when she was unsure of the reason, and thus, unsure of how to go about fixing it.

"What… do you mean, Jas?" she asked gently. "Talk to me."

* * *

Jasper could feel that the relief she'd been experiencing before was gone. She'd gotten anxious and was on the verge of getting upset. He felt horrible for causing her such inner turmoil, but he knew that they had to have this conversation. No matter how much he wanted to shield her from this truth, she needed to know.

"I think it would be best if I.. showed you.." he said, with much hesitation.

Clearly he did _not_ want to show her. He moved to her desk and motioned for her to follow. For a moment he just stared at the desk lamp, then swallowed with difficulty. He could feel the sting of venom sliding down his throat as he reached out and flipped on the lamp. "You should be able to see under the light." Very timidly, he placed his arm -_not _the one with the deep scar she'd touched- beneath the light shining from the lamp. There, she'd be able to see his forearm illuminated. In that small area alone there were dozens of crescent shaped scars covering his skin.

"There are more," he said, his voice hitching in his throat.

With a heavy heart, he tilted the lamp so that the light would shine up his arm, revealing the scars reaching up to his shoulder. He squeezed his eyes shut, as if he was trying to fight back tears. His hand was shaking as he tilted the lamp again, this time letting the harsh light spread across the expanse of his chest, neck, and face. There were bites everywhere. They lined his shoulders, and were spread in jagged scars across his chest. A few had managed to mar his neck, and there was one across his left brow, tainting his otherwise perfect face. Finally, he let the light cast over his other arm, where she'd see the scars spreading down that limb as well, and she'd get to see the deep, mangled scar that she'd touched before, which looked so much worse than all the others.

When he let go of the lamp, it shifted to shine up the front of his body and face again, and he left the light there. "This is the truth, Bella. What I am, what I've been. I'm a monster."

**Author's Note: **This chapter was pretty intense! The scene has actually been split between chapters eight and nine because it was so long. Next, you'll get to hear Jasper's story about Maria! Thank you for reading and please review! Cheers.

**Lyrics:** The Truth Beneath the Rose - Within Temptation


	9. Chapter 9

_How can blood be our salvation_  
_And justify the pain that we have caused throughout the times_  
_Will I learn what's truly sacred?_  
_Will I redeem my soul, will truth set me free? ;;_

It was all about to come together. The apprehension and insecurity Bella felt radiating off of Jasper suddenly made sense to her. She watched as he moved to the desk, following as he'd asked. Her bewilderment remained until he turned on the light and showed her what he had been hiding, what he was so beat up about. His skin, skin that she believed to be flawless, was not as she had come to know. The scars on his forearm matched the one on her hand. But unlike the single one Bella possessed, Jasper had dozens and dozens of them.

And they weren't just on his arm. Her lips parted and she gasped quietly when he revealed that the same silvery scars covered his upper body. His shoulders, his chest, his neck. There were so _many_ of them. How could this have happened to him? What _happened_ to him?

Her gasp hadn't been one of fear. At least, not fear of him. His marks didn't scare her simply because they existed on his skin. They scared her because she remembered what it was like to feel venom running through her. One time had been bad enough. She didn't think she would survive that, the searing pain that nearly felt like it would blind her. One small, insignificant crescent. One little, solitary scar on her hand. And she had been so ashamed of it? Now, Bella was _very _ashamed. How could she have been so vain to care about that little scar when Jasper… Jasper had a hundred times more.

"Oh, Jasper…" she whispered.

Her eyes followed the light and in the chocolate brown color, there was so much sadness for him. She could see his hand shaking. In fact, she paid more attention to the way he shook as opposed to the scars themselves. Her heart ached so badly for him in that moment, that she would have taken the pieces of it and offered it to him if it meant she could take away his insecurity and sadness. Bella could tell his eyes would have been filled with tears if he was capable of it. She had seen him 'cry' before and it hurt then. But this was a hundred times worse. Now, she was so invested in her feelings for him that she could _feel _what he felt so much more clearly than before.

The scar on his wrist was what really did it, what _really _broke her heart. She could only imagine the pain he must have felt however he'd received it. She remembered what Jasper said about the scar being the one where his creator bit him, bad enough that she could even feel it when he led her fingers there. But seeing it now made her angry. Who did this to him? Bella knew it was well over a century before, but it didn't stop her from feeling extremely protective over him. But she couldn't let anger get in the way right now. Right now, the only important thing was assuring Jasper that she felt no differently about him. His insecurities, while valid, were unnecessary when it came to Bella.

Closing the small distance between them, she gently moved her fingers over his skin. First, they ghosted over the scar by his brow. Gently running down his cheek, they brushed over the few crescents on the column of his neck, then to his shoulder. Bella was memorizing them. She was taking the time to acknowledge every single one. Because these scars were a part of Jasper and there was not one part of him she didn't love. These marks included, despite that she didn't love how they must've gotten there. Her hand moved down his arm, fingers moving over more bite marks. She could see the scars, but couldn't feel them. Not until she reached the one at his wrist. When she did, she drew it to her lips and kissed the deep scar from one end of the crescent to the other. She was being as gentle as she could, not wanting to make him uncomfortable when dealing with something that he obviously hated about himself.

When she finished kissing the mark, she took his fingers and pressed his hand against her chest. He'd be able to feel her heartbeat steadily beneath his fingers. It was solid, slightly accelerated (but that always happened when she was close to him), but it was calm. Lifting her eyes to his, she offered him an explanation.

"It doesn't beat any differently now, Jasper," she said. "All I see is _you._ Never a monster. Just you."

* * *

It would probably be impossible for Jasper to ever become comfortable with this part of himself. It had been over a century since he received his first scar and each one brought with it a heavy burden and unbelievable shame. He'd been proud of them at one point in his life, and that sickened him now. He felt very vulnerable right now, after just revealing a side of himself to her that he loathed. The memories tied to his scars were so painful, more than the original wounds had been.

He was sad to say that Bella's reaction surprised him. Jasper had been lucky once in regards to the reaction of someone he cared deeply for seeing his scars for the first time. He didn't think it was possible for that to happen again. Yet Bella had not wavered. She did not shy away from him, which was very unexpected. He himself probably would have been repulsed at the sight of someone like him. Bella was still touching him, trying to familiarize herself with the scars that tainted the perfection that should have been there. His skin was sensitive and the warm touch of her fingers made him shiver a little.

He opened his eyes to look down at her, watching as she took his hand and placed it over her heart. He could feel and hear her heart beating within her chest, and the sound that once plagued him with pain actually did soothe him now. She was right; the rhythm was what it usually was. Her words, though, he wasn't sure he could believe. Jasper wanted to, but he hated that part of himself so much that he didn't think it was possible for anyone to accept him. How could he when he didn't even accept himself? Even so, he could feel the sentiment behind what she said. He could feel how genuine she was being, how sincere she felt.

Slowly, Jasper lifted a hand to cup her cheek. "I.. I don't.. deserve you."

He kissed her forehead, then pressed his to hers. His emotions were starting to get the better of him, and it physically took its toll on him. Jasper's hands slid down from her cheek and over her heart down her sides. He was lowering down, sinking to his knees in front of her. His arms came around her hips and he hid his face in her stomach.

"I could never deserve such a compassionate angel." He clutched onto her tightly, but not enough to bruise her fragile skin. He was telling her he didn't deserve her, but he found he couldn't let go of her. He needed her, now more than ever. "I only told you part of my story. You need to hear the rest."

* * *

It was so, so difficult to see him like this. He was literally falling apart in front of her and this was the second time it was happening. It was too much. Jasper didn't deserve any of this, not one single ounce of this pain. Bella wished, more than anything in the world, that she knew how to take it away from him. If she could, she would've turned back the hands of time to somehow prevent his scarred past from occurring, even though, as he said, she didn't know the full story yet. It didn't matter. She knew enough to know that it was dark and painful and neither should have ever been associated with someone as kind and as sensitive as Jasper.

When he dropped to his knees in front of her, she closed her eyes, wracking her brain on how to comfort him, how to make him feel better about himself and the fact that she loved him for who he was, not the person he perceived himself as being. It was clear that they were two different people. Perhaps Jasper sometimes felt like he was another, ghostly self watching his real self going through the motions of life, as Bella sometimes did. Though she had no real solution, unsure of what to do, she didn't need to think about simply _being _there for him. It might have been difficult to achieve, but that didn't mean that Bella would stop trying to get him to feel better.

Her fingers threaded through his curls, stroking the top of his head softly as he held onto her. If he needed her, Bella wasn't going anywhere. This was the only place she belonged – with Jasper now. And that was exactly where she wanted to stay. After a moment or so, she gently removed his arms around her just long enough so that she too could lower onto her knees. Then, she pulled him close to her, embracing him tightly. For a little while, Bella just held onto him, one hand gently stroking his hair again while the other rubbed his bare back. Her lips kissed whatever they could reach – his temple, his cheek, the side of his neck.

"When you're ready, Jas," she said softly.

If Jasper wanted to tell her the rest of the story, she would listen. Of course she wanted to know, but she wouldn't rush him. She had all the time in the world if it meant comforting him. Until he _was_ ready, Bella simply continued to soothe him with her gentle touches and reassuring kisses.

* * *

Jasper didn't think that this was something he could ever be ready for. No one could be prepared to recount a story like his. It wasn't something he'd ever feel comfortable talking about, but he'd come this far. He'd opened the door to the past by showing her his scars, and now she needed to understand why he thought of himself this way. He wasn't just because of how he looked. It was the reason he looked that way.

The hand in his hair was soothing, enough to calm him down so he wasn't shaking so much. As she joined him on the floor, he slid his arms back around her for comfort and laid his head against her chest to hear her heart beating. He needed the constant, steady rhythm to give him some sort of ground to stand on. Jasper did not make any move to pull away when she started leaving kisses on his skin, though he didn't understand why she'd want to anymore.

He wasn't sure he could do this, but, he had to try.

"I'd been in the army for about three years," he said, raising up from her. He needed Bella to be looking at him and he needed to look at her. He had to see her reactions as well as feel them.

"We were planning to evacuate the women and children of a town, so I'd gone ahead of my men to scope out the area and see what we'd be dealing with. I was about a day's worth of traveling ahead of them when I reached the outskirts of the town. That's when I met _her_." His wrist seemed to burn at the thought of her, and he clenched the fist of that hand subconsciously. "She was a very small young woman. Actually, she looked more like a girl than an adult. She had long black hair, Spanish features. She was the most beautiful lady I'd ever seen at the time, and I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. There were two other young women with her, but I'm ashamed to say I didn't pay them much attention. I only had eyes for her. She recognized I was a soldier and asked me my name."

He let his accent come out for the next part, "'Major Jasper Whitlock, ma'am,' I told her. She told me her name was.." He looked up at the ceiling and took just a moment to regain his composure, then looked back at Bella again. "Maria."

Jasper could see the scene playing out before him as he spoke, and he wondered if Bella could, too. He didn't know if he was painting a vivid enough picture for her, but for him, he could see it and recall it as if it was yesterday. It was a shame that out of all the beautiful memories of his childhood that he'd long since forgotten, he had to remember this incident as if it'd just happened. He sighed and shook his head, continuing on.

"Our eyes met and I was completely taken with her. She seemed taken with me, too. She started talking to the other women without straying from my eyes. She told them I'd be useful, that she had a feeling about me. She said she wanted me for her, and the others told her she had to 'do it' because they 'killed more than they succeeded.' I had no idea what was going on, but it didn't matter to me. I was so smitten with her that nothing else seemed to reach me. She approached me and she said, 'I hope I succeed. It'd be a shame to lose you.' And she took my hand, turned it so that it was palm-side up. I didn't know what she was doing, and then, she just.." He drew his mangled wrist to his chest as if to hide it, cringing as he recalled the pain.

"She bit me. I don't remember much about the next few days, just that it was the most excruciating physical pain I'd ever endured up to that point. And when I awoke, I could hear the other two women calling for her. Before my eyes opened, I heard her voice. She told them she wanted to be the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes. So I kept them closed until I knew she was there. I could smell her; the sweetest scent I'd ever taken in. Casablanca Lilies. That was her scent. I opened my eyes and I saw her staring at me. Maria. I was hers, mind, body, heart, soul... I'd never been so captivated before. Maria. I worshiped her from the start. Maria. My lily. I was blinded by my devotion. I had no idea what I was dealing with. She wasn't a flower. She was the cruelest of our kind. I just didn't know it."

Jasper paused then, letting her take in what he'd just shared. This was a heavy story, full of hate and violence, cruelty and despair. It was going to take him a while to get everything out.

* * *

Bella listened as he began his tale. The pain of watching him talk about something that was troubling to him was still fresh and though he'd pulled back slightly in order to look at her when he spoke, Bella never let him forget that she was far. As he told her his story, she kept her eyes on him but her hands were gentle against his skin. One of them held onto one of his hands, linking their fingers together. The other softly stroked his knee sympathetically.

She didn't know what she had been expecting, but it wasn't a story quite like this. Jasper had said that he was sweet on girls often while he was a soldier, but Bella didn't realize that he was so sweet on one of them that it ultimately ended his life. She couldn't blame anyone for being taken by Jasper; she was on a daily basis. But there was more to the story than just attraction. It seemed the woman that was the object of his affection desired him to be another kind of object for herself.

When he drew his wrist against his chest, she let go of the other hand of his she was holding and moved both of hers to pull it away from his heart. Bella knew he was ashamed of it and imagined that the story was drawing up demons he didn't want to think of. The painful reminder of it was written on his skin forever of the woman who'd done this to him. Pulling his arm closer, she bent to kiss the scar again then gently placed her hands over it to conceal it. He could feel it. He could remember it. He didn't need to keep looking at it. She had a feeling that would hurt him more and she was trying to prevent that as well as she could.

When he revealed that the woman he loved was deceptive, that she was anything but the flower he thought she was, Bella's eyes darkened. Even now, she felt protective over him. How dare _anyone _ever deceive him like that when it was so painfully obvious, that even as he was telling her the story knowing the outcome already, he so clearly loved them? If ever there was motivation before – not that she needed any aside from just listening to her own heart – Bella made a silent promise to herself to get through to Jasper that she would never do such a thing to him, that he never deserved anything less than everything she could give him.

Running her thumb against the back of his hand, she encouraged him to continue by asking, "What happened?"

She was trying in earnest to be as gentle as she could and not to push him by any means. The emotions she was feeling him give off were powerful, and she was sensitive to that.

* * *

Jasper was struggling, but there really was no turning back now. It was like ripping a band-aid off. He needed to do this quickly. The wound would be left exposed and raw, but maybe that was exactly what needed to happen so that it could heal properly, and not simply covered up. He didn't pull his hand away from her, even though he wanted to. He let her hold it and kiss his scar, anything she wanted. Bella could do what she wished, and he did not want to deny her. It was also comforting, having her touching him so gently. It calmed his nerves, and she wasn't jumping at the bit for him to continue. She was just listening, concerned about the direction the story was taking.

"The beginning of a tumultuous and violent relationship," he answered.

He took a moment to think things over. He was going to have to detach himself from the situation if he was going to talk about it, otherwise he'd never get through it. The emotions would catch up to him eventually, but at least by then Bella would know the story. The next time he spoke, his voice was more steady, but his expression was devoid of emotion.

"My instincts told me that there was danger, that the angel had meant it when she spoke of killing, but my judgment overruled my instincts. I had not been taught to fear women, but to protect them. Maria wanted an army." Jasper paused, knowing Bella was going to need a bit of a history lesson of the vampire world before the motives behind Maria's actions would be comprehensible.

"What you need to understand, is that in the South, my kind has been warring with each other for centuries. It's unclear of when the wars began. The one who takes most of the credit, his name was Benito. He found a way to claim territories, drive out reigning clans, kill them, or force them to join in his cause. Typically, he just killed them off. The purpose was for feeding territories. _Everything_ is driven by the thirst. Benito was no different. He started off small, killing rival clans by himself. It wasn't enough for him. He came up with the concept of forming an army - a newborn, army. You understand about newborns, how they're initially stronger, wilder, driven by their lust for blood and nothing more. They make the perfect soldiers." His dark eyes flickered with something, perhaps irony at his choice of words, before he continued.

"Things got out of hand, though. Others started to mimic Benito's ways. Vampire armies were clashing together, slaughtering humans in Mexico, trying to take over the territories. When things became too out of control, the.. the Volturi," the name left a horrible taste in his mouth, "had to take care of it." He quickly moved on, not wanting to dwell over that for too long.

"The wars continued, but in a much quieter fashion. That, brings us back to Maria's intentions. She wanted an army. I suppose that was why she wanted me. For the first year, she let me run rampant while my time as a newborn ticked away. I was too out of control to understand what she wanted from me. It didn't seem to bother her. She liked the way I lusted for blood. It made her.. lust for me." That part made him cringe again.

"We became mates before I completed my first year as a vampire. She conditioned me to bend to her will. I still don't know how she did it without having a gift like mine. I suppose there is a specific bond between a vampire and creator that cannot really be explained. In any case, once that first year had passed and I was a little more in control of myself, we set to work building her army. The other two girls, Nettie and Lucy, worked with us, but there was a growing distance between the two of them and Maria and I."

He stiffened his posture a little, forcing his emotions back so that he could continue speaking. "We started building her army, then. The girls would change them, and I would control them. I trained them to be vicious, even more ferocious than what was naturally in their instincts. With my gift, I was able to calm them enough to listen, to follow orders. Of course, there were those that did not like to listen."

He glanced away from her for a moment, then looked back. "They had to be exterminated. They all did, eventually. She only wanted newborns because of their strength and lack of conscience. Once that was used up, I was made to kill them."

Jasper paused there, allowing her to soak that part of the story in. It was a lot, especially with the history attached. He didn't want to overwhelm her, though it seemed that was going to be unavoidable.

* * *

It seemed to progressively get worse as he went on. It was more difficult to listen to him continue with his story and harder yet to watch him struggle through telling it. But all of the puzzle pieces, the cloudy bits of Jasper's past, were beginning to form together to make a picture that made sense, but that was hard to focus on. All the while that he spoke, she continued to touch him – stroking his hand, brushing her fingers against his thigh. They were small gestures, but they would let him know that she was still there, that she wasn't going anywhere.

It was hard to not continue to grow bitter at the things he was speaking of though. She could only imagine this vicious female toying with him in such a heartless way. She obviously took advantage of the fact that Jasper was taken with her and she used it to get what she wanted – at his expense. Bella tensed when he mentioned the Volturi, but she just squeezed his hand more tightly. The history was horrible. It was like a vampire concentration camp, only a hundred times more brutal. The newborns were made to do work – bloody, horrific work – and then they were killed. Now she could understand why Jasper hated himself. Now she could see why he would think he was such a monster; he was the one who had to carry out the deaths.

"Jas, that wasn't your fault," she said sympathetically. "You didn't know any better," she said. "She… she deceived you into doing those things," Bella said, trying to help him see that he wasn't at fault. Only Maria was. She was the only one to fault for this. Bella hated her, for what she'd done to such a sweet person. He was still haunted by it even today, even though decades upon decades had passed.

She brought his hand to her lips and paused to kiss each one of his fingertips. Then, she looked at him and asked, "How did you get out?"

* * *

Jasper looked down, as if he was replaying all those years over in his head.

"My escape didn't come for a long time. I was Maria's mate and leader of her armies for over twenty years," he said. "And it might not have been my fault, but I.. I thrived on it. At first, anyway. I liked the power, and I liked making her happy. When Maria was happy, she loved me back. When she wasn't happy.." Jasper looked down at his scarred wrist. "You'd be surprised how much venom one vampire can produce in a single bite." He inwardly winced, as if he could feel her teeth sinking through his marble skin. "She'd bite me there whenever I made a mistake." He was quiet for about half a minute, wanting that image out of his head before he continued.

"As you said, I knew no differently. I did not realize that there was a life outside of Maria's world. She was all I had, and there were several newborns who thought the same. I had to fight to keep my position as her mate, as the leader of the army. Many of my scars are from those who challenged me for my place. They're all from vampires trying to kill me; the ones who managed to get close enough before I killed them first." Jasper looked over his arms with contempt. No matter what anyone said, he was disgusted with them. He'd never get over that. It was his penance for his sins.

"My life continued in the same violent pattern and the years passed. I was sick of it all for a very long time before anything changed. I came to realize my love was unrequited. I should have seen it much sooner, but I was so involved in her world, so deeply rooted and bonded to her that even when I _could _see the truth, I stayed. She wouldn't.. touch me. Not as a mate. She wouldn't let me hold her when we shared moments together. She told me how hideous she found my scars to be, even though I pleaded that they were all for her. She said that they showed how slow and weak I was. They were a sign of my failures."

His tension eased slightly, as he was reaching the end of his story. "There was a newborn that Maria brought into the army who proved to be very useful. More than the others. He never crossed me, though. He helped me keep the others in line. He was very, very loyal. His name was Peter. He was a soldier, lower ranked than I was, and that was probably a mentality that carried over with him from his human life. After his first year, Maria surprisingly did not select him to be executed. However, his mate Charlotte was not so lucky." He frowned deeply, but continued on.

"That was the first time Peter challenged me. The night Charlotte was to die, he came between us. He begged me for her life. I could feel something from them, an emotion I'd never experienced before." Jasper looked up to meet Bella's eyes.

"_Love. _Peter loved Charlotte, and she loved him. What I felt between them was how mates were should feel for each other. I let them go. I sent them both away and told them to never look back. I went back to Maria. Even though I understood that there was no love between us, I had nowhere else to go."

Jasper held her hand, lacing their fingers. He knew he was dropping a heavy burden on her, but if they were going to be together, then she needed to know all of this. "About five years later, they came looking for me. They wanted me to go with them, to experience life away from Maria, to see that there was more out there. It didn't take much to convince me by then. I left that same night, and didn't look back," he said. "By that point, I was so desperate that I knew if I didn't leave, I might have to kill her to free myself. When you live for the fight, for the blood, the relationships you form are tenuous and easily broken. There was no lost love by the time I left."

He was nearing the end of his tale, or at least, as much as he was going to say. It actually felt.. _better_ sharing this with her. Jasper hated talking about it, but it took some of the weight off his shoulders. He just hated that he had to place any on Bella in the process.

"I traveled with Peter and Charlotte for a few years, getting the feel of this new, more peaceful world. But the depression didn't fade. I didn't understand what was wrong with me, until Peter noticed that it was always worse after I'd hunted. I contemplated that. In so many years of slaughter and carnage, I'd lost nearly all of my humanity. I was undeniably a nightmare, a monster of the grisliest kind. Yet each time I found another human victim, I would feel a faint prick of remembrance for that other life. Watching their eyes widen in wonder at my beauty, I could see Maria and the others in my head, what they had looked like to me the last night that I was Jasper Whitlock. It was stronger for me — this borrowed memory — than it was for anyone else, because I could feel everything my prey was feeling. And I lived their emotions as I killed them. You've experienced the way I can manipulate the emotions around myself, Bella, but I wonder if you realize how the feelings in a room affect me. I live every day in a climate of emotion. For the first century of my life, I lived in a world of bloodthirsty vengeance. Hate was my constant companion. It eased some when I left Maria, but I still had to feel the horror and fear of my prey. It began to be too much. The depression got worse, and I wandered away from Peter and Charlotte. Civilized as they were, they didn't feel the same aversion I was beginning to feel. They only wanted peace from the fight. I was so wearied by killing — killing anyone, even mere humans. Yet I had to keep killing. What choice did I have? I tried to kill less often, but I would get too thirsty and I would give in. After a century of instant gratification, I found self-discipline.. _challenging_. I still haven't perfected that ...as you very well know."

Jasper had reached the point in his history that he could not talk about. It was once his happiest memory. The moment in his life when he found hope again. But he would not let himself even think of that time. It was too much. As painful as all the previous history had been to relive, it would have resurfaced ten-fold if he'd tried to speak of his time in Philadelphia.

"I think that's enough for one night," he said, and then looked down again. The emotion he'd detached from himself started to stir. All the pain from reliving the past, the raw wound he'd uncovered, began to fester within him. Jasper let go of her hand and drew his knees up to his bare chest.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry you have to carry this with you now. I'm so sorry, Bella."

* * *

The pain of his story was so intensified, that Bella grew teary-eyed once more. But she refused to let anything amount from those watery eyes. She refused to cry. She needed to be strong for him, to be something that was stable and that would be a sure thing that would love him and that is exactly what kept her from crying. But it was a difficult thing to manage when his tale was as sad as it was. She wouldn't have said the ending was exactly happy, but she would have been lying if she said that she wasn't amazed by his bravery in leaving Maria. It had to have been nearly impossible considering the bond he had with her, even if it was a bond that was not at all fairly requited.

She had an idea where the story went after he left off. Alice. The pixie-like Cullen had told Bella about the time she found Jasper, how she knew he was there all along, just waiting. That had to have been the next part of the story. Bella couldn't explain why it hurt so much to think about, but it did. Intensely so. If she would have allowed herself to think about it, she feared she would have fallen apart with guilt. Her heart was so invested in Jasper when she truly believed it never would have beat again. Acknowledging other parts of his past – and of Bella's – would bring up those demons. She had to, again, strive to be strong for him and not allow herself to entertain any such thoughts for fears of the emotions they would have stirred.

Instead, when he pulled his knees to his chest and apologized for things that he had nothing to be sorry for, Bella moved to sit beside him. Her arm wrapped around his cool shoulders and she kissed one of the scars on his upper back.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Jasper," she assured him gently.

And he really didn't. She should have been the one apologizing for letting him delve back into such a hurtful past. It made her feel guilty and somewhat selfish. But he'd wanted to tell her and felt as if he _needed _to even. She didn't know whether or not he thought her feelings would change for him because of it. Bella's feelings did change – but only because she felt closer to him, connected more deeply because he painted his past for her when it was painfully difficult to do so. His bravery, what he'd gone through and managed to come out surviving from, did nothing less than astound her. Her admiration for Jasper would surely never be fully expressed, but she hoped he would be able to feel it.

"Thank you for sharing it with me," she said softly, rubbing his back in soothing circles as she kissed his shoulder. "I just wish…" she paused, frowning. "I wish I could take it all away," she said, kissing his shoulder again.

She leaned her head against it then, continuing to rub his back. As much as she could, she tried to send off waves of affection and positive emotions, letting him know just how much she cared about him and that she wouldn't leave him. There was no way of knowing whether it would work considering how heartbreaking his story was and how miserable he felt, but Bella would try.

* * *

Jasper was stunned when she moved closer to him and started to touch him again. Her kisses were so warm, so soothing against his sensitive, tarnished flesh. After hearing all of the things he'd been, and all the things he'd done, she still wanted to be close to him? It was enough to make him want to cry all over again, but in a different way. He could feel her genuine concern and devotion, and it, like her kisses before, seemed to have healing powers on his soul.

He felt he had everything in the world to be sorry for, but more than anything he just wanted to be close to her right now. She was being so compassionate and so caring towards him, and taking such care to make sure he felt all of the emotions she held for him. Jasper wanted her to feel everything he felt in return. He wanted her to know how much he appreciated her, and everything that she was doing for him. He needed her to know, to feel it. More than anything right now, that was what he knew he had to do.

Jasper uncurled from around himself, and slowly turned towards her. There was still a bit of pain in his eyes, but there was also a lot of love there. _A lot_ of love.

"You do," he said, gazing at her. He lifted one hand and lightly cupped her cheek. "You have no idea how much you do for me, just when I look at you."

His voice was soft, tender, as was his touch. He pressed his lips to her forehead as his thumb brushed against her cheek very lightly. "You have made me feel things I've never felt before." He tilted his his head, and brought his lips a mere breath away from hers.

"I'll show you," he whispered against her lips, then kissed her deeply. He slid his other arm around her, pulling her closer to him. He wanted to take her to her bed, but for now he just stayed on the floor with her, kissing her and holding her against him.

* * *

Bella was never one to like presents or gifts of any kind. She always felt foolish accepting them because honestly, she never really felt as if she needed them. Even on birthdays and Christmases, when gifts were meant to be given to special people, Bella felt awkward when receiving them. She had so much more joy in giving them to people, though she felt they were never much, instead.

But this. Being here with Jasper…

It was like one thousand Christmases and birthdays rolled into one. His words meant so much more to her than he could have possibly known. It was the best sort of gift. It cost nothing but a look in her direction and even though his eyes were dark and lost their golden hue, they looked the softest that Bella had ever seen them look before.

Literally, he took her breath away. It caught in her throat when he told her something that touched her very soul. She helped. She was _helping _him. That was all she wanted to do, to ease his pain just the smallest bit and Jasper just confirmed that she had. He was a person that was ruled with emotions – it was his gift. He'd touched upon it in his story about what it was like to feel consumed with the emotions of others in a room. He would feel nothing but love in this room. The floors, the walls – everything – vibrated with the way she felt for him. Bella was impossibly in love with this wonderful, wonderful creature. How could she have been so blessed to ever find such feelings again when they had been buried inside an empty coffin? What could a hopelessly clumsy and socially awkward girl from Phoenix Arizona have possibly done right to be able to have such an effect on a boy like him?

Her heart was not just beating. It was _swelling _with these emotions. All positive, none negative. She couldn't just feel them within herself. When he kissed her, she could feel them inside of Jasper. It was as if they'd never touched lips before. Though they'd shared thousands of kisses by now, and every single one of them had been special to her, this one felt different. There was something coming from him that Bella hadn't experienced quite before. Perhaps it was driven because emotion had been so heavy all evening, but there was a passion in his kiss that left her in a dizzy state.

Arms wrapping around his back, she pulled him closer as well, as much as she could considering they were already pressed together. No effort was needed to convey what she wanted to in returning his kiss with as much passion and devotion to him that he was showing her. For Bella, it was all just coming naturally.

* * *

This truly was a kiss unlike any they'd shared before. While Jasper always put his heart into his affections, this was a little different. He was pouring what was left of his soul into it as well. He was giving her his passion, his devotion, by way of letting her feel everything that he felt for her. He knew he had to be careful, that he was dangerously thirsty and becoming too engaged in physical contact could put her life in jeopardy. But, he also knew how strong his desire to protect her was, and that even if he had to protect her from himself, he would.

Jasper kissed her, and continued to kiss her, his emotions unwavering. It was not exactly a sweet kiss, but rather one of a deep passion and need to be close to her. He just needed _her_. One hand slid up her back, actually slipping beneath her shirt to let his fingers trail across her skin. His other hand remained resting against her cheek for a moment, but then slid around to the back of her head. He held onto the kiss for a long time, until he knew he had to pull back so she could breathe. When he did move, it wasn't far. Just enough so that she could take a needed breath. While she did so, he was kissing along her jaw, waiting for her lungs to receive the oxygen they craved before he moved back in to kiss her once more .

Being on the floor wouldn't do.

Gracefully, effortlessly, he stood up and took Bella with him, all the while still kissing her deeply. Jasper moved her to her bed and laid her down on it, then crawled over her and started to kiss her again. He'd taken a few liberties by doing so, but all she'd have to do was push up on him for him to stop.

* * *

Bella didn't think about it now, but if she hadn't been so wrapped up in Jasper, she might have wondered where her earlier apprehension had gone. Back when she toyed with his shirt to remove it, she'd felt it, especially when he paused in thinking over whether or not he would allow it. But that didn't mean she still didn't want to. Even with her fear of pushing the boundaries too far too quickly as she had done before, her desire to be closer to him in an intimate way was greater.

It seemed the feeling was mutual. It was a mixture of the way his lips moved against her and the way his fingers felt against her skin when his hand slid up the back of her shirt that drew a soft sound from the back of her throat. Once more, she cursed her need to breathe, but didn't seem to mind having to take a breath when it meant that Jasper's lips would be against her jaw. Just as well, when they were pressed against her mouth again, she wasn't about to complain.

It wasn't that she was just never kissed like this by Jasper. Bella had never been kissed like this by _anyone_. With Edward, she had to be so, so cautious and for every time she would try to take a step forward in their physical relationship, it would end up putting her two steps back. This was all so new to her. She wasn't used to being able to kiss someone the way she wanted to. She wasn't used to the feeling of pressure against her mouth, of passion that she could taste as much as she could feel.

It was terrible, but she couldn't help but to keep thinking that it was going to end, that in a second, he was going to pull away from her and scold her for being so insistent. But Jasper. still didn't. He even continued to kiss her with the same passion when he moved them. At first, for a hint of a second, Bella thought he was going to pull back when she felt him shift. Again, he didn't. She felt as if she were floating until her back gently hit her mattress and even then, she felt weightless, as if she were walking on air. Another sound left her lips and touched his while her arms moved around him, keeping him close to her.

She never, ever wanted this to end.

* * *

Jasper never wanted it to end, either. If he could have, he would've kissed her for days without stopping. Unfortunately he knew that wasn't possible. Bella needed oxygen and he was going to need to feed soon. But he wanted this so much, he wanted her. He wanted to wrap her up in his passion and hold on tightly.

Both of his hands were beneath her shirt, his arms under and around her. One hand was splayed across the width of her back while the other traced slowly up and down her side. He had never been so bold in how he touched her before, but he was so indulged in his passion for her that he couldn't help it. Jasper broke the kiss again to allow her another breath, then parted his lips and kissed her even deeper than before, if such a thing was possible.

Jasper wanted more, he wanted so much more. But he knew he simply had to keep his wants to himself right now. He could feel her slight insecurity beneath her passion and the next time he broke the kiss, he nuzzled her cheek.

"I'm not going anywhere," he whispered, then sealed his promise with yet another deep kiss.

* * *

Jasper was a constant surprise. He still, much to both Bella's surprise and delight, did not pull away from her. She was kissing him as deeply as she could, throwing as much passion into their liplocks as was possible and still, there he was. Right there. When he pulled back and whispered that he wasn't going anywhere, her heart skipped a beat. Or two.

Did he have any idea of the effect he was having on her? It was as if he were reading her mind just by means of her actions, and he was well aware of her deepest worry – that he would leave, that she would push him too far and he would hurry away.

But Bella wholly trusted him and the kiss he gave her after his touching whispered promise sealed the deal. She felt as if she could have melted beneath him. Her cheeks were burning, sure to be coloring her usually pale face red. But the blush had nothing to do with embarrassment or even, another surprise, insecurity. It had everything to do with passion and desire and the intermingling of the two that his kiss possessed. It was a striking contrast from the way his fingers felt against her skin and surely he would be able to feel how much warmer she was than normal.

She wanted to tell him thank you and express her gratitude, not only for telling her that he was going to stay with her, but for… well. Everything. Making her _feel_ something again, making her heart _beat_ again. How would she ever repay him for that? She decided against thanking him audibly, but she hoped her actions would have conveyed some of her sentiments. As difficult as it was to pull away from his lips, Bella did so in order to move her lips against his skin, tracing his jawline before dipping to lay small, but meaningful, kisses to his neck. One of her hands mimicked his, splaying against his back between his bare shoulder blades while the other move to thread through his hair, one of her favorite parts about him.

As if she could pick a favorite…

* * *

Jasper could feel everything that she was feeling just then, and it was almost overwhelming. He was taking it all in, letting it mesh with his own emotions, and then pouring it all back into her with the way he was holding her and kissing her. He wanted Bella to feel all of it too, because this was something that they were creating together. It was something indescribable, something he couldn't put into words but it was so real that it was completely undeniable.

He _loved _her.

The fact that he couldn't put it into words proved it.

As she pulled away from his kiss, Jasper felt his lips protest, wanting to taste more of hers. He made a sound that could only be classified as a bit of a whimper, but that ceased as soon as she started leaving kisses along his jawline and his neck. The touch of her hand between his shoulder blades caused him to arch his body against hers. He could feel her warmth, and it had intensified from its usual temperature. It was like fire against his icy cold skin.

He knew he had to keep himself in check. This was by far the most intense and intimate they'd been with each other, and he was fine with that. But he knew that it couldn't progress much further. Even though he could be very tender, he knew he also had the capacity to be aggressive in these sorts of situations, and that meant her well-being could be at risk. Jasper wasn't willing to jeopardize that. He didn't trust himself, when one impulsive clutch of her body could snap her spine or shatter her ribcage.

To counter it, he flipped their positioning so that he was lying on his back and Bella was perched over him. He slid his hands up the front of her thighs to rest on her hips and closed his eyes. Her lips on his skin felt unbelievably good.

* * *

Bella was aware of the fact that Jasper hadn't fed in awhile and the incident with the newborn earlier on that night had jeopardized his thirst especially. It wasn't the best idea, if one was thinking in the logical sense, to be so intimate with him now. Bella knew there was danger there, or at least, she would have acknowledged that fact if she _had _been thinking in the logical sense.

But it seemed she rarely did that with Jasper. Instead, it all went back to emotions and the way they were used to strengthen the bond she felt with him. Feeling was easy; thinking was far more difficult. She was a believer that the truth and emotions went hand in hand. It was hard to conceal or deny the way one was truly feeling unless they were good at lying and deceptive practices. Bella wasn't good at either, though the only time she bothered to conceal something she was feeling was for the benefit of sparing others.

She couldn't, however, seem to conceal how she was feeling about Jasper. That much was obvious in her actions. But one thing to remember was that Bella was still very much a girl. A human, _teenage _girl. This being the first time she was really close to anything such as intimacy – intimacy that extended beyond strained, tense kisses that were always cut short for fear of negative outcomes as she had experienced in the past – there were some insecurities there as well.

What if she was bad at this? What if he wasn't enjoying himself as much as she was?

Even for someone who held doubts like Bella, it would be hard to say Jasper wasn't liking this. But even still, there was a part of her that worried. She was so afraid of pushing him away because she was ignoring logical sense and moving strictly on feelings. For that reason, she waged an internal war with herself.

On one side _was _that logical thought, fighting to be heard. It said that they should stop for a handful of reasons. One, Jasper's thirst and lack of recent feeding. Two, because Bella had such a fear of him rejecting her, that she should have ended things before there was a chance of such a thing. And three, because again, she was a teenage girl. Teenage girls had hormones and hers had been so repressed that it had potential to be dangerous. Sexual tension caused logical thought to be silenced.

However, on the other side of the argument, her heart was just telling her to let go of everything else – worries, insecurities, doubts – and just… _live_. That side was the one that started to win when he changed up their positioning.

Her lips continued to move against his skin, kissing his neck, his collarbone, his shoulder (which she noticed had already started to fade in redness). She could no longer see his scars since they were out of the direct light of her desk lamp, but she knew they were there and tried to kiss each one she could remember. As she did though, the logic side of her made an attempt at winning the battle. She remedied it by kissing back up his neck until she reached his ear.

"Are you okay?"

That question would cover a lot of ground and thus, the side of reason and logical thought should have been appeased. It would address his thirst and his control of it as well as whether or not Jasper was _okay_ with her hands and lips all over him. This was the closest they'd ever been to one another and while it was such an exciting and desired thing, Bella couldn't help but to acknowledge that it was also scary as hell.

* * *

Bella's age and life experiences were things that Jasper also had to take into consideration. He may have been frozen at nineteen, but he'd lived far beyond the lifespan of a human male, at least twice. More than half of that had been spent mated with another vampire; two, to be precise. He didn't know how far Edward had taken things with her, but knowing his brother the way he did, it probably hadn't been far. Jasper wasn't thinking about any of that, though. He was only thinking of Bella.

BellaBellaBella.

He was consumed with thoughts of her, her scent, her taste, her heartbeat, her warmth, the way her body felt beneath his hands. He hadn't realized how much he physically desired her on top of his affection and adoration of her in every other sense. He knew she was beautiful, that was unquestionable, but this side of himself was one he had not explored with her until now. It was intense, much more than he'd anticipated, and he knew he was going to have to be very careful. Unlike himself, Bella was breakable.

Her question made him slowly cease the way he was rubbing and squeezing her hips, and open his eyes. Her concern for him was touching. He could feel how sincere she was in asking him if he was all right. Slowly, he lifted one hand to touch her face as he had before, and drew her to face him so he could meet her eyes.

"For now, yes. But you are right to question me. I.. I'm afraid I've let my desire for you run a bit too wild and my emotions flood into you without any warning. Is it too much?" He asked, lightly stroking her cheek with his fingertips.

"I love the way your lips feel against my skin," he whispered before letting her answer, brushing his thumb across her slightly swollen lips. That was an undeniable truth. Bella's warm kisses set his skin on fire, and at the same time had such a soothing, comforting feel to them that it felt like she was healing the pain that he felt in his scars.

"You're so beautiful." He gently drew her down into a tender kiss.

This had to be at least a little bit intimidating for her, he knew. She had to know of his thirst, as it was blatantly obvious in his onyx gaze. She also had to know the potential danger of his strength and his wavering control. It made Jasper briefly wonder if maybe she wasn't enjoying this as much as he thought he felt from her.

"Are you.. all right? Am I pressuring you?"

His eyes, though pitch black, showed a genuine concern for her now. He brushed her cheek with his fingertips again, as his other hand crossed over the small of her back and he pulled her down to him in a tender embrace.

* * *

"No," she said, shaking her head when he asked if it was too much.

It wasn't. It wasn't _enough_ if anything.

That wasn't to say that Bella wasn't satisfied with this. She was just as happy holding Jasper's hand or sitting beside him as she was getting more intimate with him and sharing more passionate kisses and embraces. But it just felt like now, she couldn't get close enough to him. Feeling his emotions certainly wasn't too much which is what she thought he meant when he said he was fearful it was. Bella _liked _it. She liked knowing that she wasn't alone in this, in how strongly she felt. They were one in the same.

Her heart fluttered when he complimented the way it felt when she kissed his skin. If he would let her, Bella would honestly be content in kissing his skin for hours upon hours. It didn't matter if he thought it was gruesome or if he was ashamed of it, even though she couldn't see it covered with scars usually. To Bella, it was just as beautiful to her in the bright light from the desk lamp as it was now.

When he called _her_ beautiful though, she ducked her head and chuckled quietly in disbelief under her breath. She couldn't even compare to the beauty that Jasper was used to. His mates had both been ethereal beauties from the moment he laid eyes on them. With both of them, his attraction had been an instantaneous thing. Bella knew for a fact how gorgeous Alice was and from his stories (though her heart might not have been) she gathered that Maria possessed the same striking looks. If he were to see her on the street somewhere in passing, Jasper wouldn't have given Bella a second glance. She was not beautiful by any means. She was simply ordinary. Ordinarily simple. Either way, she didn't know why he would waste a compliment such as that on her.

She kissed him back though when he pulled her down to his lips, delighting in the sweet taste of him. When he stopped to question her, she opened her eyes to meet his. In them, she saw apprehension that needn't be there. He had nothing to fear.

"You're not," she assured him, lifting a hand to brush back his hair from his forehead before leaning down to kiss the skin there. "I've never been better," she promised when he pulled her closer.

* * *

Jasper couldn't hear what Bella was thinking, so he did not realize that she was comparing herself to both Maria and Alice when it came to her beauty. Had he known, he would have silenced her at once. No, she did not look much like either of them, but that did not make her any less beautiful. He could see things in her that perhaps she could not see for herself.

Bella had a very classic beauty to her. It was true that he had not always noticed it, but he'd never allowed himself to be close enough to her to really look until he started spending time with her. He'd been with Alice, and she with Edward. Their eyes were for their significant others, and no one else at the time. But he could see her clearly now. She wasn't just Bella to him anymore. She was _his_ Bella. And she was the most beautiful creature in the world to him. That was something he knew he probably could not convince her of, just from how well he knew her. It'd be the same as trying to convince him that he was beautiful, too. Jasper would try, though.

When Bella reassured him that she wasn't feeling any pressure from him, it did relieve him somewhat. He was still nervous about his control and his thirst, but he wasn't as panicked about it as he could have been. Still, he probably wouldn't engage in another intense, intimate exchange again that night, no matter how much he wanted to. He had to be cautious, and he would. But god, did he want to.

He closed his eyes as she brushed his curls off his forehead, then pressed her lips to his skin. It just felt so good to be near her; he couldn't get over that. Jasper lowered his hand from her face so that he could wrap both arms around her and hold her against him. He kissed the top of her head a couple of times.

"I've never felt closer to you than I do now," he whispered, nuzzling her hair.

That was true. Very, very true. He'd shared so much of himself with her, and then they'd spent a very intimate moment together. He felt the bond between them tie even tighter. Jasper gently rubbed her back, keeping her as close to him as possible. They spent the rest of the night like that until Bella drifted off to sleep. There would be time in the future for intimacy and both of them could look forward to that. But for now, each of them was content.

**Author's Note:** We hope you liked Jasper's story! We also know some of you have probably wanting a little more action between Jasper and Bella. You got some, but we promise that isn't the last of it! You have to keep reading for more! The next chapter is a lighter than this one when the two of them go on an 'official' date. Thanks for reading! Please remember to follow and review! Cheers :D

**Lyrics: **The Truth Beneath the Rose - Within Temptation


	10. Chapter 10

_We left behind a busy crowd_  
_So it seems we slow down_  
_Meet me with a way out through the lies_  
_Nowhere, going nowhere in the fake yellow light ;;_

Things changed since the night the newborn came to Bella's home and fought with Jasper. Not all of these changes were positive ones. For one, the fear was once more instilled in regard to Victoria and her newborn army. There were still not as many killings in the news anymore, but there was no denying that the vicious vampire was still around and still plotting after the night Bartholemew fled after his plans had been thwarted. Thus, the Cullen's took precautions. Since the day after, there had been two staying guard. Jasper always was one of them (with the exception of the first day when he needed to hunt), but instead of staying curled up in bed with her at night anymore, he was usually the one who kept guard outside of her window while Esme stayed in her room. If it was Carlisle or Emmett that was watching with him that night, then he would be the one inside. But in the presence of others, he never touched Bella. It was a quiet understanding the two of them had that didn't need to be spoken of. But it didn't matter. Bella, whenever she felt as if he needed to be reminded of how she felt about him when they couldn't be alone, would simply look at him and be able to tell. That, or he would be able to feel the emotions coming from her that were meant only for him.

When it wasn't nighttime though, there were other ways to remind him of how she felt about him. When they were alone, Bella would kiss him for hours – his face, his skin, his lips. She'd rub his back or his shoulders or tuck herself beneath his chin and simply hold onto him. Their words were often hushed, but not because they needed them to be when it was just the two of them. But because the content, which read of affection and adoration, was more intimate when passed through whispers or quiet conversations. Bella tried to take advantage of the time they had to themselves as best as she could. Though it wasn't as frequent at night anymore for the time being, it was possible to be together more during the day now. School being over was responsible for that. Bella graduated from Forks High School despite her tumultuous year. It was such a relief to be finished. If it hadn't been for Jasper helping her study for her finals and catching up, even despite the slight detour in concentration that the newborn attack provided, Bella never would have managed. She would be always grateful to him for that, and the rewards – the best ones – all involved the new time block she had to spend with him.

For now, Bella didn't have to worry any longer about school. Because of everything that happened in the spring, there was no pressure on her to attend college right away. It was something that Bella didn't want to think about because in truth, before, she never really planned on going. Charlie used to stress the idea, but in all honesty, the chief was so happy to have her back to herself, not to mention the fact that she'd voluntarily finished high school on time when he didn't expect her to (not that he would have blamed her for not doing so), that he no longer brought it up. He assumed she just needed some time off and eventually, she would go off to school. Selfishly, Charlie also just liked having her home again with him. He wasn't ready to let her run off so soon without admitting that it wouldn't sit well with him.

The temperature was warm, indicative of summer. Even for the Olympic Peninsula, it was an especially nice day, despite the fact that it wasn't actually sunny. Bella was relieved that the sun wasn't out. It had been for the past two days prior and not wanting to leave Jasper, she stayed inside. But today was a special day. Today, they were going out just the two of them. Not to hide away at their carousel, which was still her favorite place regardless. But instead, they were taking a little trip. The first stop, while it was still warm in the midday, was Rialto Beach. It was the beach one over from La Push, but Bella learned that it was very similar.

The difference? Mainly, it was because Jasper was allowed on this one without breaking any treaties. Here, she could walk with him freely hand in hand as she was doing now. It was warm enough to take her shoes off and walk at the water's edge. The chill from it wasn't as cold as Jasper's hand in hers, but it was refreshing at it splashed against her calves, bare in the skirt she wore.

Yes. Skirt.

Because it was such a nice day, she made an effort to _look_ nice. She wanted to look nice _for _Jasper. Of course, it was nothing fancy by any means. The skirt was a corduroy material that was sand colored and fluttered just above her knees. Her shirt was like one of the many she frequently wore – thin, waffle-knit, long-sleeved to keep her a little bit warmer. But it was dark green, a color she associated with Jasper. Save for the skirt, she was comfortable, but Bella thought she looked all right, and thus, dealt with it. She was with Jasper. Nothing else mattered much.

"What do you miss most about being human?" she wondered aloud as they walked.

* * *

Even though Jasper was typically a patient person, and though his kind did not really think in terms of time, the minutes he had to spend separated from Bella at night seemed to drag by very slowly. He wasn't sure which was more difficult, being in the same room as her and not being able to kiss her, or being apart from her all together. He didn't like either, but unfortunately now with the family more involved in the security of her house, they were both scenarios that they had to deal with. Of course, Bella's safety was the main concern and that was why he was able to put up with it.

Daytime he looked forward to. Being able to spend time alone with her was something he did not take lightly anymore, so the days were spent in the most rewarding ways possible. That day, they were having a special date at a beach Jasper could actually show his face at, where he wouldn't have to smell the dogs.

Bella looked beautiful. Jasper always found her to be captivating, but she'd dressed herself up a little without stepping too far out of her comfort zone. Jasper couldn't take his eyes off of her, which actually wasn't anything new, she was just especially beautiful that day. He'd dressed nicely, as he usually did; a black button up shirt and khaki pants. Even though she was barefoot, Jasper was wearing his shoes. He didn't want too much of himself exposed.

Taking a walk on the beach was a nice, calming date. Jasper was so happy to have time alone with her that it didn't to him where they were, but this was a particularly nice treat. The sound of the waves washing up on the beach was very soothing, as was walking with her, holding her hand and stopping every now and then to kiss her. Currently, he was walking about a half-step behind her. Her right hand was in his right hand, and his left arm was around her shoulders. He could keep her fairly close to him this way, and it made stopping to kiss her much easier.

Her question was one that took a little thinking before he could answer. He smiled just a little as he came to his conclusion. "Lemonade," he replied. "My mother used to make it during the summer."

He closed his eyes, recalling the taste. "It's the only taste of human food and beverage that I can remember. She'd make it while my father and I worked outside, doing repairs on the fence in front of our house or whatever it was we were tending to. It was so hot in Texas during the summer, but she always had lemonade ready for us. I'd sit on our porch swing and sip it. It was so refreshing. I miss that." He leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

"There is something else, though. I guess it's not so much something I miss, but something I wish for," he said quietly, stroking her shoulder with his fingertips. "It was something I could be then, that I cannot possibly be now."

* * *

Bella loved when Jasper talked about his family life from when he was still human. He always adopted this look in his eye, especially when he spoke of his mother, that seemed to cause them to light up, no matter what color they were. Today, they were a beautiful shade, her favorite. She liked to secretly refer to it as daffodil gold, tracing back to the dream she'd had about him the night she fell asleep in his arms, the very same night that they kissed for the first time. She kept looking back up at him to catch a glimpse of those eyes whenever she could, but she also had to keep an eye on where she was walking. The sand was soft and felt nice on her toes, but there was all kinds of potential to trip and fall for someone as big of a klutz as Bella.

Still, it was nearly impossible to keep her eyes off of him. But that was nothing new. He looked gorgeous as per usual. Effortless. Jasper always looked so well together and classic, like he didn't even have to try. It just… happened naturally. Bella loved that about him. Then again, she was convinced that he could be covered in dirt with tatters for clothes and she would still think that he was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. At night, she would fall asleep looking at him. It was the best she could do considering the added security of another one of his family members. It was so much easier to do this when it was a night where Jasper was staying in her room as opposed to when he was the one guarding outside and it was dark. She'd lay on her side, facing the window and just look at him until her eyes were too heavy to keep open.

There was hardly one night that passed that she didn't dream of him. Bella, of course, was aware of what her dreams consisted of, but what she _wasn't_ aware of, was that she frequently said his name while she slumbered. By now, Jasper should have been used to that, but even still, Bella was glad it was Esme who was in her room if it wasn't Jasper himself. She should have tried to get a hold on the things she thought about before she fell asleep so she wouldn't risk calling out his name, but it was impossible _not_ to think of him. He was _all_she thought about most of the time. And Bella didn't have a problem with that.

When he said there was something else that he wished for while he was still human, but able to do now, it caught her interest. "What's that?" she asked, rubbing the back of his hand with her thumb.

* * *

Having to keep their relationship to themselves wasn't something Jasper particularly liked, but he did have mixed feelings about it. First and foremost, Jasper was a very private person. He did not have any hesitation about being affectionate to Bella when they were together, or allowing her to feel the emotions he held for her at any given moment. Yet Jasper had always been private with his affections when others were around. That was just in his nature. To him, affection, devotion, and emotions were sacred and he only wanted to share them with the person who was receiving them. It made it more special that way to him, something that just the two of them shared. No one else needed to be a part of that. On the other hand, he did not like deceiving his family, and that was what he felt like he was doing. Even if Esme knew, and whether Carlisle knew or not, and if Emmett and Rose were oblivious, the fact that he wasn't being truthful made him feel guilty sometimes. They were a family, but how much of it was their business, really? Mixed feelings. There was a reason he wasn't acknowledging, whether purposefully or subconsciously; he didn't want the subject of the past to be brought up in discussion. He didn't want to remember.

Right now he wasn't thinking about any of that, though. As she had been for a long time now, Bella was the dominant force in his thoughts. He had only tender gazes for her that day, his heart full from knowing he had the entire day with her alone. He didn't want to say that they had a lot of time to make up for, because any time near her - touching her or not, being in bed with her or sitting outside her window - was not considered wasted. It was just fulfilling to have this moment, like the many they had before the newborn attack.

Jasper was finding he somewhat enjoyed talking about his human life. It wasn't something he'd done a lot of previously. Vampires often forgot their former lives, or could only recall them in blurred memories. Human life wasn't much of a topic of conversation amongst his kind, and Jasper was no different. Talking with Bella, though, was not the same as conversing with a vampire. Obviously, she was human. Her curiosity about his life as a human seemed natural. Talking about it made the memories a little less blurry. He could remember more than he thought he could, and talking about one memory sometimes would unlock another he thought to be previously lost. It felt like he was gaining back part of himself he thought he'd never see again.

His smile seemed almost a little sad. Rather, it was most definitely an expression of longing as he looked at her. "I wish I could be warm, for you. It's... It makes me feel guilty, that I have this warm, beautiful body to lie with and all you have is this cold, marble statue to curl up with."

He brought a finger to her lips. "I know, you 'don't mind.' It's just something I wish I could provide for you."

* * *

It worked in Bella's favor that Jasper was more of a private person. She always had been as well. She never minded being alone and enjoyed solitude to herself. Charlie, for sure, was where she'd gotten that side of herself from seeing as Renee, the life of every party, was the polar opposite. Since she never had any type of romantic relationship before coming to Forks, affection with another was never something she would have to worry about sharing in the midst of others. There simply was no one else there to complete her couple. But even if that had been the case, she maintained that she still would have preferred that they save the affections for closed doors or moments of escaping. She, like Jasper, thought that such things were meant to stay like that; it made them more special. While she hated not being able to touch him or kiss him as much as she wanted to, let alone fall asleep with him for the time being, it just made her even more grateful for their alone time.

Like now, for instance. She liked being able to walk along the beach with him and hold his hand, stealing kisses every so often, without having to worry about anything else. There was an entire world beyond the little spaces they would occupy, but to Bella, it felt like the only one that existed had simply the two of them in it and nothing else. There was no fear or worry or heartache in that world. Just wonderful things.

When he confessed his wish, she hadn't been expecting him to say that. Of all the things he could have wanted back from his human life – the ability to sleep and dream, being able to walk freely in the sunlight without fear of being exposed, even the taste of fresh lemonade – and he desired to be warmer. For her. How could she not have been touched by that?

It became apparent though, that Jasper knew her better than she thought. When she opened her mouth to protest about not having a problem with his body temperature, he already had a finger to her lips to stop her. Sheepishly grinning at him and his knowledge of her habits, Bella allowed him to finish before kissing his finger, covering it with both of her hands, and shaking her head. Of course she was still going to protest.

"Jas, I'd rather freeze in your arms than be toasty warm without you," she said with a shrug as if it were no big deal. And it wasn't. It was something of a mood ruiner when her teeth would start to chatter when she was close to him and not properly dressed, but it was a small sacrifice.

"Besides," she added with a grin before letting go of his finger and clapping her hands against his chest. It might have stung a normal human, but she knew he wouldn't be affected by the pressure of her palms at all. "I like that you're sturdy." Standing on the tips of her toes, she reached for a kiss.

When they started to walk again, she wrapped her arm around his back and wondered aloud. "I think if I could pick something I wish for you, it would be that you could sleep," she said. "It would be nice to get some payback for all the times you have to stay up while I'm sleeping. And probably kicking you when I'm dreaming," she said with a little laugh. She'd seen her sheets when she woke some mornings; they looked like a crime scene.

"It would be nice to watch _you_ wake up and tell me what you were dreaming about."

* * *

Jasper knew she was telling the truth, even through her small joke about him being sturdy. He knew she didn't mind how cold and solid his body was. It wasn't something that _bothered _her; it didn't keep her from sleeping. It wasn't ideal, though. As much as Bella would defend her preference, sleeping against a warm, soft body would always be more comfortable than an icy block of stone. There was no way of getting around that.

He mock-rubbed his chest as if she'd done some damage. "Not as sturdy as Emmett," he said with a smirk, and leaned down to meet her halfway for her sought kiss.

His arms found their way around her and he pulled her close, indulging in the kiss a little longer than she probably assumed he would. Jasper missed kissing her more than he realized. He finally did pull back though, and draped his arm around her shoulders as hers slid around his back. He could feel that she was enjoying herself, which made him feel even better than he already did. After going through what they did the night the newborn attacked, Jasper wanted more than anything just to get things back to how they'd been. He wanted to see her smiling again.

He laughed softly, recalling the many times she'd kicked him in her sleep. Of course, it didn't bother him. It was more likely to have bruised her toes and shins than to have disturbed him at all.

"No payback necessary," he said. "It's never boring watching you sleep. And besides, I already do have dreams. I dream all the time." A little sideways smirk tugged at his lips as he tugged her closer to him. "Day dreams."

* * *

Bella didn't mind when his kiss lasted a little longer than she thought it would. Because truth be told, she hadn't realized just how much she missed kissing him as well. It still - and maybe it would take quite a long time for this to change at all - amazed her that she was allowed to kiss him when she wanted whenever they were together and that he put just as pressure back against her mouth as she could exert on his. She wasn't used to that, but it was the type of thing that she definitely wouldn't mind pushing through to the end for. It seemed like kisses were certainly allowed to be more intense after the night when the newborn had attacked. The ones they'd shared after he told her his story and opened up to her fully about why he thought so little of himself, as well as showing her his scars, had been the most passionate ones of Bella's life. She would have to indulge in more of those, but it was a shame that they couldn't in the same manner since they were never fully alone at her house any longer.

No matter. She liked his little kisses just as well as those driven by passion. She blushed when he claimed that he found enjoyment in watching her sleep. She thought it had to have been dreadfully boring, no matter what he said. For hours, Jasper would just lay with her, still as stone. She assumed, anyway, considering he never woke her. Bella made a mental note to insist that when they were able to lay with one another again that he take some books or something to bed with him so that he would have something to do instead of just be subject to her sleepy beatings. Glancing up at him, she momentarily was taken by the way his mouth curved up to the side in that smirk. It was one of her very favorite expressions he made. She was also quite fond of his full, teeth bearing smile. When he was laughing, she was mesmorized. Bella liked the one when he was concentrating as well, the one he sometimes got while driving. Then again, what face of his didn't she love? Besides the ones when his visage read of hurt or upset.

"Not the same," she said, giving his middle a little squeeze.

Just like it happened the first time they went to the fairgrounds, a devilish streak went through her. "I bet you I can build a better sand castle than you," she challenged. "Think you're up for it Whitlock?" she asked, calling him by his human last name.

She felt that one was the most true to who he was. Dropping to her knees a little ways up from the water where the sand was dry, she dropped her shoes carelessly to the side. Bella didn't mind getting a little dirty, though she hoped her nice outfit wouldn't get to be too much of a mess. Even still, he'd already seen it on her and that was all that mattered. Grinning much like a child, she started collecting sand and forming it into small mounds.

"Oh and just so you know? I won a contest when I was little at the beach for castle building," she said, gloating a little. She didn't have to mention that afterward, she tripped on her bucket and fell. Right on top of her prize-winning creation. That part, Bella could definitely leave out.

* * *

Jasper had found a way to control himself, at least to an extent. Perhaps control was the wrong word. He'd learned how to endure the pain he felt in his throat and the thirst that built up inside of him when he was around her, simply because he'd endured such worse pain that came along with the breaking of his heart. He could deal with the burning, because it did not even come close to comparing to his previous pain. That was how he could kiss her so passionately, and allow her to return the affection he was bestowing on her. He still didn't trust himself, and he wasn't sure he ever would, but he did trust in the fact that he wanted her safe and protected. He would not let himself hurt her.

Jasper grinned when she told him his daydreams weren't the same as the dreams she had at night. He supposed that was true, but he didn't mind. He enjoyed his daydreams. It was how he spent a good portion of his time when she was away in school. Daydreaming about Bella was something he'd grown to love doing, truthfully. He didn't think he was missing out on anything slumber and the dreams that accompanied it had to offer.

When she challenged him to building a sandcastle, he arched an eyebrow. That certainly wasn't what he'd expected they'd be doing during their walk on the beach, but that was one of the things he loved about being with Bella. Jasper never knew what to expect on their outings. It was fun, spontaneous, and he always enjoyed himself. Her words drew a slight chuckle from him.

"Oh, I think I can handle that," he drawled, and knelt a few feet away from her. He began to sculpt something, though it didn't have much shape yet. He obviously could work much faster, but he'd slowed down a little to make it fair.

* * *

That had been another surprise about Jasper that Bella loved; he always was willing to play along with her. The first day she went back to class and he took her on a little detour, when he played hide and seek in the funhouse room of mirrors at their fairground, and now, building sandcastles with her. It felt like it was rare that Bella could really let loose and have a bit of fun without being the usually quiet, responsible one. But she was happy that Jasper was able to be there for these times when she could. It was just easy to be carefree when it was a day like this with him.

It was a lot more difficult to build a really spectacular sandcastle without the tools, she quickly learned. But Bella was trying to manage the best she could without use of a pail and shovel. She started forming one large mound in the middle with a smaller tower on either side of it to give the castle its basic shape.

Glancing over at his, she smiled. "No cheating, vampire," she teased him.

Of course they both knew that he could have built four dozen castles in the time that she could finish one, and Bella would have bet that he had some experience with art since moving to different schools with the Cullens. Odds were stacked against her, but it wasn't really about the competition at all. Just the fun of it.

She started digging a circle around her halfway done creation in order to make the moat. Every good castle had a moat, after all. "So what are the stakes this time?" She asked him. "I'll need to know what prize I'll be taking home with me," she said with mock arrogance in her tone.

* * *

Jasper truthfully didn't have much experience with sandcastles. Beaches were not typically a place where he or the family would visit often. The closest they had to it was Isle Esme, but Jasper wasn't going to think about the last time he'd been there. He instead focused on the task at hand. He mixed wet sand with dry sound to support the towers he was trying to construct, and he was using his pocket knife to carve in a stone-like finish at the tops of them.

"No cheating. That means you can't exhale on mine and claim it was a passing breeze," he joked.

Times like these made him forget about the trouble that had been brewing around them. This was their time; they were in their world. It was a world in which only the two of them existed. Most of the time, Jasper didn't want to go back to the other world, were complications, reality, and even danger lurked and threatened to cause problems for them. For now, they didn't have to worry about any of that. They just had each other and their makeshift sandcastles.

"Well I'm afraid I don't have any oversized stuffed woodland creatures to offer, and you already have my chauffeur services," he said with a smirk as he started on another portion of the castle. "We've already had a kiss as a prize. Wouldn't want to overuse that, would we?" He glanced over at her, his grin ever-present. "If you win, I'll take you to the library in Port Angeles for a day. The one with _three_ stories. Now what do I get when I win?"

* * *

"Oh as if one little exhalation from me possibly knock- HEY!" she exclaimed, looking up and spying him using tools. She didn't have any tools! Why didn't she have any tools? "You can't use a knife!" she pouted.

"If you get to use that, I know you. You'll start making the damn Taj Mahal!" It was quickly apparent that Bella had no chance in winning this contest. His castle arches made with the illegal use of a knife made it actually resemble a castle top instead of just rounded blobs of sand. The design was very difficult to make without aid of special buckets that were formed to that shape already.

She was still determined, though, even if it was just to try and impress him with her pathetic castle-building abilities. "_Hey_!" she exclaimed again when he started in about prizes.

"First of all, that moose is near and dear to my heart, Jasper. I'm hurt that you wouldn't treat him with the utmost respect. I just saw that smirk," she said pointing a sandy finger at him. Of course she saw that smirk; it was adorable. But that was probably his clever plan all along – distract her with his handsomeness and cause her to lose. Bella didn't stand a chance when she was concentrating on him rather than anything else.

She never minded, though.

"And secondly, I don't think that kiss was established as an official winning prize. I was just feeling friendly that day," she said, trying with all her strength not to unleash the smile that wanted to be shown. "But I'll keep in mind that they can be so easily brushed off as once-and-done type deals."

The rest of the world _didn't _exist right now. It simply couldn't have. Bella was laughing and having fun, utterly careless with the person, this wonderful Jasper that she loved. This wonderful Jasper, along with being a good sandcastle builder, was also very good at picking prizes that she liked. She'd been wanting to go to the library in Port Angeles for a long, long time now. Bella loved places such as that, where she could get lost in a million different other people's stories. Just the look on her face when he mentioned it gave a hint as to how much she loved libraries.

"If you will, we'll take Annabelle for a special car-spa day," she said. "Washed, waxed, the works," she said. "If you trust anyone else to take care of her, of course," she added with a grin.

* * *

Jasper blinked and his eyes widened a little when she called him out on using tools. "You're making up rules as we go along now. There was never any indication about using tools. Am I to be punished for coming prepared for just this sort of occasion?"

He was trying not to laugh, though it was quite difficult. Bella made the most endearing expressions sometimes, and right now was no exception. There was a look of shock, annoyance, and determination on her face that seemed to culminate into a very pronounced pout. He really wanted to kiss her just then.

Really, really wanted to.

"That kiss was my consolation prize," he said, begrudgingly putting the knife away. He picked up a couple of stray pieces of seaweed to drape around the towers; makeshift ivy and moss growing on the stone. "And I must admit I liked it better than I would have enjoyed the moose, no offense to to him intended. I just happen to be quite fond of your kisses."

Regardless of the outcome, he intended to take her to that library anyway. It was something he thought she'd probably really enjoy doing, seeing as he'd found she liked to read as much as he did. He figured it would be an outing that would both get them away for some time alone, where they could be in their own world just as they were now.

"Annabelle deserves a spa day." Had Jasper been more like Emmett, he would have made some sort of joke about his car getting a 'waxing,' but he was too much of a gentleman to take things to that level.

"I'll have to supervise, though. She'd miss me too much if I left her alone in the care of anyone else." He gave her a knowing smile, as clearly his words had a bit of a double meaning, relating to her.

* * *

Bella could only keep from smiling for so long. When he called her out on unfairly determining the rules, she let one slip. A laugh came a second later when he tried to claim he'd come prepared for this.

"Right. You had it all planned out that we were going to have a sandcastle building contest so you tucked away a pocket knife for the challenge," she said. "Not a bucket or a shovel or anything. A pocket knife." There was really no point in trying to continue to mask smiles anymore. He had her smiling with everything he seemed to say.

"Now you're just trying to butter me up," she accused him when he complimented her kisses. But whether or not they were only joking with one another, that was one compliment that Bella really took to heart.

She didn't have to wonder about whether or not he enjoyed kissing her. Aside from the hint that they engaged in it frequently, he'd now verbally said it. Twice. The first had been when he told her he liked the way her lips felt on his skin. Just thinking about that memory was enough to cause Bella's cheeks to flush pink. She would never forget the way Jasper had looked when he whispered that in her bedroom.

She was glad that he liked her idea of a prize if he won. But like Jasper, Bella planned on presenting him with that even if he didn't win. She wanted to do something special for him and knowing how much he loved his car, she figured taking Annabelle to have some TLC would be one direct ticket to his heart. Bella caught the double-meaning in his words and she returned his smile. "Could you blame her?"

It was clear that Jasper won. His castle actually stood up and resembled a castle whereas hers was a lopsided…. collection of piles of sand. Jasper had even gotten creative with the seaweed. She was just about to give up completely and leave hers as was when she spied a seashell a little ways off. Moving toward it with sandy knees and calves, she plucked it from the sand and placed it gently on the tallest, least-blobby looking tower. It helped, but it was clear there was an obvious winner.

"All right, DaVinci," she said with a pout. "You win." Seven-year old sandcastle champion Bella would have been very disappointed with her future self's slipping art.

* * *

Jasper just shrugged in feigned innocence. "You know me. I plan ahead for everything," he said, playing on his natural inclination to be a strategist. He hadn't planned for this situation, of course; things had just worked out in his favor that way. "Always prepared, just in case I need to build a sandcastle."

He really wanted to drop the act, close the gap between them, and kiss her. He'd formed a strong attachment to Bella a long time ago, and the more time they spent together, the more that attachment grew. Yet it was in this most recent period of not being able to kiss her whenever he wanted or holding her during the night that made him even more attached and grateful for what time they did have together. He wanted to lay down in the sand with her and stay curled up together for the rest of the day. But he knew that these moments, when they could be playful with each other and laugh together, were just as important for them to share as the moments when they were locked in passionate kisses and tight embraces. They needed these light moments too.

"For now, I will accept this victory. However, there has not been an official ruling, so the finalized results won't be announced until tomorrow," he said, grinning at her. "Annabelle will be pleased about going to her day spa, though."

He stood up and brushed off his khakis. Jasper didn't mind getting his clothes dirty, even though it might've looked out of place for a Cullen to have any sort of disheveled appearance or flaw to the pristine way they presented themselves. Jasper just went along with it because it was how the Cullens lived, but he never really cared about anything like that.

He reached for her hand. "Keep walking? Or are you ready to go back?" They'd been out for a long time now, and he wanted to make sure they had time to find something for her to eat before they had to return to the house. Before he had to return to his tree.

* * *

Taking his hand, she got to her feet as well. "Hey, hey, not so fast. Don't I get something for a consolation prize?" she asked with a very pronounced pout of her lower lip.

Pouting, she figured, probably made her look ridiculous considering her top lip was fuller than her lower one. But she still made the effort in keeping up with the hurt pretense. Really? She was just after a kiss. Her arms wrapped around his neck, mindful to keep her sandy hands away from his skin and his hair.

"I think I deserve one," she said with a grin against his lips as she tilted her face toward his and took her consolation kiss whether or not he was going to indulge her with one on his own.

Bella lingered there a little bit longer than perhaps she had intended to, but somehow she didn't think Jasper would mind all that much. Pulling back a hairs width, she kissed him twice more quickly before addressing his question.

"We can leave," she said. "But I don't want to go back right away," she said, a hint of a frown touching her lips.

It wasn't as if he would be completely gone – he would still be at her home keeping guard over it. But they wouldn't be alone and thus, she wouldn't be able to speak to him in the same manner, let alone cuddle up and kiss him whenever she wanted. It was easy to see, then, why Bella wouldn't be in a rush to get back.

"I know you aren't great with directions," she said with a small grin appearing once more. "I won't tell if you won't tell that you took a wrong turn on the way home," she said.

Letting go of him, her fingers sought out his, linking their hands together. The rough sand contrasted with the smooth marble feel of his, but she watched their palms push together. She noticed that she started to adopt his fixation with hands and how theirs fit together. They were so different and yet, they worked.

"I'm already dreading sleeping tonight," she confessed. "I miss laying with you."

* * *

Jasper gladly gave her the kiss she requested, and would have done so anyway because he wanted it just as much if not more. He grinned as she pouted. It would have looked silly on any other face, but on Bella, Jasper found it adorable. As her arms wrapped around her neck, his snaked around her waist and he pulled her against him just as their lips met. He would've vocally agreed that she deserved a kiss, but that would have taken away from the actual kissing, which he did not want to lose any part of.

When she pulled back from him, he kept his arms around her and listened as she spoke. He couldn't say he blamed her for not wanting to go back right away. He didn't want to either, but it made him feel good knowing she was reluctant to go. It meant she wanted to be with him, and that meant everything to Jasper. He didn't want to let her go, not ever. He knew Esme was good at sitting with her, and that he could still watch from afar, but he would've given his immortality for just another night to lay in bed with her.

"You're right, I'm terrible with directions. Emmett's suggested many times I get one of those GPS systems installed, but I think it would clash too much with Annabelle's interior. So, I'll just have to keep getting lost," he said with a smirk.

His playfulness was cast aside when she laced their fingers. He could feel her own mood shift from light to longing and his did too. He knew what was wrong before she even said it, because his own heart told him the same thing.

"I miss it too, but we'll figure it out. As soon as we've gotten the situation under control, it can go back to like it was," he said. "I promise, it won't be like this forever." Jasper brought her hand up to his lips and kissed her knuckles.

* * *

"Forever doesn't mean the same thing for you as it does for me," she pointed out, pressing the tips of her fingers on one hand to his. "I have little less 'forever' every day. So that means that every night you stay outside, it's a little bit of 'forever' that's gone."

She wasn't trying to be negative – that was the last thing she wanted to do when they were having such a fun day on their outing. But she couldn't get over how badly she _missed_ him. Even when he wasn't very far away.

"I didn't think it was possible to miss someone so much when they're right here," she said, linking their fingers together and then unlinking them again. "But I miss you _already._"

Bella wanted to believe him – and she did – when he said that things wouldn't always be liked this and that soon enough, they would go back to what she had come to consider as being 'normal' with him spending the night with her. She wanted to call off the other Cullens and just assure them that the house was fine by now just so that she could sleep with Jasper again. But that was selfish and thus, couldn't do such a thing. Not only would she risk putting Charlie in danger if it really wasn't safe yet, but she couldn't stand the idea of Jasper being cornered alone again. Once had been enough to stomach and she refused to be responsible for any more scars he took.

It was starting to get colder as the day grew later and Bella knew that they didn't have all the time both of them wished for. But she couldn't help but to keep getting distracted by him. His eyes were captivating in their color. She was getting good at telling when he last hunted by what shade they were. She guessed, judging by their current coloring, that it had been only a few days before at the most. As she gazed at him, something came to mind that interested her. Letting go of one of his hands, Bella reached up to trail her fingers down one of his cheeks.

"What color were your eyes?" she asked.

* * *

Jasper lowered his eyes to the sand briefly. He missed her desperately. His fragile heart ached for her every night, even when he could be in the same room with her. He understood where she was coming from about the term 'forever,' and he didn't have the right answer for that at this point in time.

"I know," he said, and that was all he _could _say. He let her do as she wished with their fingers, lacing and unlacing them. He was just glad for the physical contact.

He knew his concept of time was far different than hers. Him saying they'd settle this matter 'soon' really didn't mean much. He was going to have to start thinking in terms of time for a human if he was going to be able to relate to her on this, and that would be a difficult habit to amend.

"We have right now, and that's what's important. Don't worry about anything else."

He couldn't feel the cold; not to the degree that she could feel it, but he knew she had to be experiencing it. He started to pull her close to him, but hesitated. That wouldn't help make it any less cold for her. When she stopped, he looked down at her. He lowered his hands to his sides once they were released and let her touch him as she pleased. The question of his eye color made him smile a little.

"They were green," he replied. "A pale green, with flecks of brown around the iris. At least, that's what Mama said. I was actually colorblind. So when I awoke and could see colors for what they were, you can imagine my surprise."

* * *

"Green," she repeated, peering into his eyes.

They were certainly devoid of any green shade now, but if Bella had to guess what color they used to be, somehow, she felt she would have guessed green before anything else.

"I could see that," she said thoughtfully, listening as he told her that he wasn't able to see color correctly when he was able to view the world as a human. A grin touched her lips when he said it was a shock for him to change. "I bet they were beautiful," she said, brushing her thumb against his cheek again.

"Those poor Southern girls. Didn't even stand a chance," she said fondly, almost as if she were proud of him for his wooing capabilities. She certainly wouldn't have been able to stand a chance against falling for him; Bella was sure of that.

Sighing, she dropped her hands to his sides and gave them a playful pat. "We should probably get back before Annabelle thinks we've forgotten about her," she said. She loved how passionate he was about his car. It was endearing and thus, she liked to play along and comment about the vehicle frequently. "Besides, we'll need to tell her that her owner just scored her a luxury car spa day."

Picking up her shoes, she started to turn back to the way they'd come, but stopped a moment later. Looking back at her sandcastle, she took the seashell she'd placed on the top and tucked it safely between her fingers. It was a tangible memory of this day and while she would always remember it in her head, she liked the idea of a physical object.

As they walked back to the car, Bella held his hand with her free one. "What will Esme say about your clothes?" she asked, grinning at his dirty knees.

It was a shame that his clothes were looking a bit grimy after they'd played around in the sand with their castles; he'd looked particularly handsome that day. Of course, he was _always_ attractive to Bella, but something about the way he looked on that early evening. Just another reason she would be sorry to part ways with him when their time was over. That reminded her of something else just then.

"Oh, and your pillow. It doesn't smell like you as strongly anymore," she said with a hint of a pout again. That was a disappointment. If she couldn't have all of Jasper, at least she would have had his scent. But since it had been awhile since he'd rested on the pillow, the delicious, comforting smell was faded. "Think we can remedy that somehow soon?"

* * *

Jasper shrugged lightly and ducked his head just a little bashfully. He might have been a charmer, but he didn't really know how to take compliments about himself. He hadn't seen himself as anything special, but Bella was talking about him in such a favorable way. It made him feel good, but also a bit shy. He was smiling, but he most certainly would have been blushing if he had the ability to do so. He just turned his head towards her hand and kissed her fingertips before she dropped her hands to his sides.

"Yes, we wouldn't want Annabelle getting too lonely," he said, smiling down at her.

He watched her with adoration as she walked back to the sandcastle and plucked up the decorative shell. His eyes were locked on her, completely mesmerized by everything about her. He never wanted to look anywhere else but at her. Jasper would always remember this day, and he tucked it in with the many other memories they'd created together in their brief history being together.

Jasper laced their fingers as she took his hand again, and chuckled lightly at the question. "She might scold me for getting them dirty, but she'll probably just purchase new pants for me. I'm sure she'll wonder _how_ they got dirty, but she probably won't ask."

He looked down at her as they made their way back to his car and kissed the top of her head. He frowned just a little when she mentioned his pillow was losing his scent. He knew how much it meant to her to have that, how it comforted her. He didn't know why, but if it was important to her then that was all that mattered.

"Of course," he said. He wasn't sure he could correct the problem that night, but he would as soon as he possibly could. "The next time we're alone, let's just stay in your room. I'll lay in bed with you all day. That should solve the problem."

**Author's Note: **Thank you all so much for your continued support! It means a lot to us. We appreciate your feedback a great deal so don't be shy! We hope to bring you the next chapter very soon. Look for Jacob and a very defining moment for Jasper and Bella in the next part.

**Lyrics:** Ten, Jimmy Eat World


	11. Chapter 11

_Tap on my window, knock on my door_  
_I want to make you feel beautiful_  
_I know I tend to get so insecure_  
_It doesn't matter anymore ;;_

The opportunity for the pillow remedy would come a lot sooner than expected. While it hadn't been that very night, the next day was the closest it could have come up for the chance. It had been extremely difficult to 'say goodbye' to Jasper when their date came to a close. 'Saying goodbye' consisted of a lot of lingering kisses and tight squeezes (or at least, as many as time would allow them). Even though Jasper was right outside the window and he often talked to Bella and Esme when his mother was the other staying guard at night, it wasn't quite the same. While Bella never minded when any of the others came to stay, Esme especially, he'd spoiled her rotten with how wonderful it was to spend the night _with _him, drifting off in his arms, pressing her lips against the cool column of his throat as she started to doze.

Maybe it was somewhat obvious to someone who frequently was around when Bella and Jasper were in the same vicinity or maybe it was simply mother's intuition. But Esme seemed to know that there was more to the two of them aside from a guardian and a target relationship. She had hoped that after the tragedy earlier in the year, that the two of them would find help within one another and lean on one another to get through such a difficult time of heartache. She could tell, just by watching the way Bella watched the window each night as she was falling asleep, that her hopes had been acknowledge and that the two of them shared a bond that was deeper than perhaps most realized. Either way, the sweet woman never minded giving fate a little push in the right direction. When Bella woke in the morning, Esme greeted her kindly. After kissing her forehead, she bid the brunette goodbye when she went to freshen herself up in the bathroom.

Such a morning was the normal routine for Bella. She brushed her teeth and ran a brush through her long tangles of hair before she would return to her room to pick out her clothes and get ready for the day. But this morning, something had been noticeably different. Instead of finding her room empty as it usually was after Esme left and took Jasper with her, she found the latter of whom seated on the edge of her bed. Instantly, her face lit up from the surprise.

"You're still here?" she asked, crossing the room to him and wrapping her arms around him to give him an embrace. Usually, it was a couple of hours or so until she saw him in the daytime, depending on the weather and also on whether or not Jasper was out hunting or Charlie was working. Today was different.

"Are you staying?" she asked hopefully, sliding into his lap, arms still hooked around his neck. From the edge of the yard, Esme smiled as she slipped into the woods and started back home.

* * *

Saying goodbye to Bella at night was never easy for him. More often than not, it was Jasper who was the last one to get log in the midst of their lengthy goodnight kisses and embraces. It hurt to be separated from her; physically hurt when they were apart. He couldn't begin to describe how difficult it was to part from her at night at all, let alone acting like it was _easy _and nothing at all to go their separate ways at the end of the day. Jasper knew that Esme would not complain or protest if he asked to stay with her the nights she came by, but he could not bring himself to do it. As much as he wanted to stay with Bella at night, he simply could not stand the thought of Esme sitting outside in the dark all night, especially when it was highly possible that it would rain. That was his mother; he just couldn't do that.

The night after they returned home from the beach, Jasper had a really hard time parting from her. He'd stopped at the end of the street before they even reached the house so that they could kiss and hold each other a little while longer before he finally got her home right at her curfew. He didn't want to anger Charlie, else he probably wouldn't let Bella see him anymore. It was difficult, but somehow he'd managed to say goodnight to her outside. He'd dropped his car off in its usual place, then returned to the house and crept up into his tree. It was there that he remained the rest of the night, mostly watching inside her room at her, making sure she could see him while she drifted off to sleep, and longing to be in there with her.

The next morning, Jasper waited in silence while he heard Charlie moving around inside the house, doing what he needed to do to get ready for a day of work. He kept still while Charlie walked out of the house to his police cruiser, and out of sight while he got in and drove off down the street. His heart lifted when he heard Bella awaken and Esme bid her goodbye. That meant their day together could begin. Jasper met his mother in the bedroom after Bella went to wash up and she acknowledged him silently with a light brush of his cheek with her fingertips. She'd left him a change of clothes, which he desperately needed after being outside all night and having been in the sand the evening before. Esme smiled, then left through the window. Jasper quickly changed and dropped his dirty clothing to her through the window. He called out a quiet thanks to her that only she could hear.

Jasper was tempted to go in the bathroom and surprise her there, but he knew he should be patient and let her come back so he waited on the bed for her. He folded his hands in his lap, then unfolded them, then refolded them; he was fidgeting because he was nervous, and excited to be able to spend the day with her the way they wanted. As the door opened, Jasper stood as he always would for a lady entering the room. He could feel the surprise coming from her, and the smile on her brightened features was one that touched his heart.

"Of course," he said quietly, then sat down just before she reached him. His arms slid around her waist as she lowered into his lap. It felt indescribably wonderful to have her in his arms again.

"I thought we could stay here today," he said softly, running a hand through her freshly brushed hair. "For now, at least. You'll need some breakfast, and then we'll have to find you some lunch later. But right now..? Just us, right here."

* * *

If the world decided to crash down right outside her window just then, Bella wouldn't have noticed. The only thing that she could focus on – the only thing that _mattered_- was Jasper. She was well aware of the fact that he could feel waves of emotions coming off of her just then and though she always hated overwhelming him with it considering his special ability, there was no way that she could stop the flood of affection and adoration that was radiating from her. It was especially strong considering she hadn't been expecting him to see her. This was certainly her favorite kind of surprise, even for someone who never liked surprises to begin with. It reminded her of the night he'd come back early from his hunting trip and was waiting for her after she'd gotten ready for the night. The excitement she'd felt then had been overwhelming, but not as much as compared to it was now. That was the first time he kissed her and ever since, the two of them continued to bond on a deeper level.

When Jasper started talking, it wasn't that Bella was tuning him out or not paying attention to his words; it was just impossible to keep her eyes away from his lips when they moved. She wanted to kiss him. Badly. Hardly waiting for him to finish about irrelevant things like breakfast and lunch, she kept leaning in closer until he'd said it was just the two of them.

"Mm," she mumbled before being selfish and pressing her lips against his. Instantly, she felt shocked awake. If she had been even the slightest bit fatigued still after only just waking shortly, it was gone now. It was like he awoke every single cell in her body with the smallest touch of his lips to hers.

That kiss had a soft pretense, the makings of what seemed like a fairly innocent, chaste kiss. But his taste was so intoxicating, better than the sweetest scent, and Bella was drawn to it hopelessly. There was no point in trying to hold back from how she felt upon seeing him so unexpectedly, how it felt to be in his arms again much sooner than she even anticipated. And thus, the brunette deepened the kiss without question. Her arms tightened around his neck and his lips parted as she kneaded her mouth against Jasper's. She would have said a silent prayer of thanks that she just brushed her teeth thoroughly before seeing him, but she couldn't think about anything else aside from how cold his lips felt against hers and how she concluded that she wouldn't mind spending the entire rest of the day – and many, many, _many _more – just kissing him.

But of course – breathing. It was necessary if she wanted to be able to kiss Jasper again anytime soon. Begrudgingly, Bella broke the kiss to take a breath, but couldn't bear to be disconnected from his skin. Her lips traveled up his jawline and back down once more. She thought about apologizing for kissing him so fiercely without even saying a proper good morning or a fair warning (though she didn't think – or hope – that he would mind all that much), but instead spoke otherwise as she continued to kiss his skin. "I'm so happy to see you," she whispered, ending on his lips again for another kiss.

This was how she wanted to wake up _every_ morning.

* * *

There was nothing quite like the feeling he got when he saw Bella. She made him feel whole again, she made him feel.. _relevant_. He had a purpose, and he had a reason for living through this immortal existence. He felt fulfilled, and just.. happy. There was more to that, too. Being able to feel what Bella was feeling made the experience even more worthwhile. He could feel how genuinely happy she was to see him, how much she wanted to be in his presence, and how fulfilled she felt, too. There were no words that could encompass how wonderful that made him feel inside.

Jasper received her kiss very easily. It wasn't exactly accurate to say he'd built up a tolerance to her kisses or even that he'd gotten used to them, but he _was _able to engage in them much easier now than he had been initially. He'd grown to crave her kisses almost as much as the blood he needed in order to survive. Her warm, soft lips lured him in and he gladly gave her the kiss she was seeking from him.

Talking to each other was probably the only thing that they did more than kissing. Whether it was passionate kisses, or light kisses to the back of her hand, his lips often found her skin in some way, or vice versa. Jasper loved kissing her, and every opportunity that was presented in which he could do so, he took. This would be no exception. He kissed her tenderly at first, lightly trailing his fingertips up and down her spine while his other arm held her securely in his lap. It was not long before Bella deepened the kiss, and his hand that had been moving over her back stilled, pressing against her between her shoulder blades.

Jasper could have easily engaged in this for the rest of the day, but her need for oxygen threw a wrench in that idea. That didn't matter. Any time spent with her was cherished. Especially when she was kissing along his jaw the way she was. His eyes remained closed, but he could not help but tilt his head somewhat to make it easier for her to kiss where she pleased. Her words drew another smile to his lips.

He kissed her again, holding her flush against him. "I'd hoped that you were, and that I hadn't misinterpreted," he whispered when the kiss broke.

He nuzzled her cheek, and kissed her temple, then pulled back enough so that he could look at her properly. The hand that had been splayed over the width of her back came up to lightly cup her cheek. "Did you dream last night?" He asked, unable to take his eyes off hers.

* * *

Jasper's gift really came in handy sometimes. More than anything, it gave her confidence. Bella wasn't a negative person by any means and she liked herself just fine – that was never a problem. But Bella, in comparison to someone like Jasper did not even begin to measure up and thus, it was easy to see why she would have some doubts from time to time. He was practically a god and she was just a plain, simple girl with no sort of special talent. And so, when she could _feel _that he was happy – happy because of her – that was better than any compliment in the world. It also made it impossible to house the same doubts she would have usually.

When he tilted his head for her to gain better access to his jaw, the brunette took advantage. There was no rush. She could take her time to lavish his skin and pay attention to the spots he liked most. Every time he gave her some indication that he liked what she was doing, she would take down the note mentally. The way his head turned so she could kiss his skin easier was one of those things that she made a note of.

She couldn't help but laugh when he joked about a possible misinterpretation. He would have had to have been completely without any of his senses in order to make such a mistake. It was clear by the way she touched him, kissed him, and spoke to him that she was nothing _but_ overjoyed with his mere presence.

When he asked if she'd dreamt, she nodded. "The usual one," she said with a grin, leaning in to press her forehead to his. "Daffodils."

'The usual one' was always the daffodil dream. Each night it occurred, it felt as if she'd never dreamt it before. Each time, she was lost, feeling as if there was no hope of finding any direction or solace. It was always black and white save for the middle of the meadow where Jasper lay amongst the golden flowers. And always, always he said the same thing with the same look on his face.

_'Hi there, Bella.'_

"You'd really think I would start to get sick of it," she said, pressing a kiss to his neck before nuzzling her face against the skin there and breathing in his scent. It was far better than any trace lingering on her pillow and for a moment, she just let it overpower her. "But.. nope." Bella smiled against his neck, holding him a bit tighter.

"Any good daydreams lately?"

* * *

Jasper certainly did not view Bella as anything but beautiful. He wished she could see herself through his eyes, because it would certainly wash away any sense of self-doubt she might have had regarding her looks. Any imperfections she thought she had, he saw them as characteristics that made her uniquely Bella. But he was glad that she was happy, and he was happy that she knew how much he wanted to be with her.

He smiled and stroked her hair affectionately as she spoke briefly about her dream. He knew which one she meant. He'd often been next to her while she was having it. Sometimes Jasper thought he could picture it in his own head, but he knew it wouldn't be as vivid as what Bella was seeing in her dreams. He wanted to make it reality someday, and hoped that he truly could. Jasper knew how much she loved that dream, and he loved the feelings she had while she was having it.

"I'm glad that you haven't, considering I'm in it. That'd mean you were sick of me, and I don't know if I could handle that too well," he murmured, letting his eyes fall shut as she nuzzled into his neck.

He felt her embrace tighten and he held her closer to him, if that was possible, then kissed the top of her head. "This," he said quietly. "I was dreaming about this, right now. There might have been a little more kissing, however." His lips tugged upward into a sideways grin as he hid his face in her hair.

* * *

Bella shook her head and chuckled when he said something about her getting sick of him. Such a thing was an impossibility. If anything, she wished she could spend every waking moment beside Jasper – and all of her sleeping ones as well, for that matter. It didn't matter how much time would pass. Bella was sure she would _always _feel the same when she was around him. If anything changed, it would be that she grew to love him even more, but for how strongly she already felt, even that seemed like something of a challenge to her.

How could her heart not flutter when he'd said this is what he was daydreaming of? She knew that Jasper was unable to really sleep, but she had meant when she confessed to him that she wished he could have. She wondered what he would see in his real dreams. At the same time, though, she didn't like that there could have been the risk that he could have nightmares as well. From what he'd told her about his past, she imagined that there was a lot that could easily haunt him while he slept. That was one positive thing about his constant wakefulness. Though to be fair, Bella wasn't naïve enough to think that Jasper still couldn't be plagued by his past when he was awake.

But she could try to help him keep his mind on other things. If he wanted to continue having such daydreams, then she would do what she could to make them become a reality. She smiled when she felt his face buried in her hair and after a moment, she pulled back a little to meet his eyes with a cheeky grin. She just managed to catch a glimpse of that slightly sideways one of Jasper's that she loved so much.

"Oh, I think we can remedy that _very _easily," she said, leaning in to press her lips to his again for another kiss. This was certainly one reality that she didn't mind playing a part in creating.

In a braver move, she shifted a bit so that she could press her hands against his shoulders. She wanted him to lay back against the bed. Bella broke the kiss in order to do so for a moment, but her eyes met his the entire time. If he complied, she moved atop of him, a thigh on either side of his hips with her hands still pressed into his shoulders.

"But first," she said seriously. "Your pillow needs some attention." She smiled then, after mentioning the pillow that his head would've been resting on.

* * *

Jasper was certainly not going to stop her from kissing him. He tightened his arms around her - though he was careful not to squeeze her too tightly - and kissed her again. This was absolutely a part of his daydreams, though none of them could compare with the reality of holding her and kissing her. There was nothing quite like being kissed by Bella. He would never be able to get enough of her kisses no matter how many times he indulged in them.

As Bella moved to place her hands against his shoulders, he opened his eyes to meet hers. He could feel her mood slightly shift. It wasn't overly obvious, but being so in tune with her he picked it up right away. He'd felt this from her before, but her actions had never really displayed it to this degree. It took a great deal of self-control for him to not just let her push him back against the bed and react in the way he wanted to - which would have been to grab her hips and crush his lips to hers. He couldn't do that; not when it risked him shattering her pelvis in he process. Instead, he just laid back against his pillow and watched as she crawled over him. Only then did he realize he'd stopped breathing.

Jasper slid his hands slowly up the sides of her thighs, over her hips to rest on her waist for a moment before trailing them up her back and back down. "I have been a bit neglectful towards it, haven't I?" He asked softly in regards to the pillow.

This wasn't the first time she'd been perched on him like this; he'd positioned her that way the night they'd kissed so passionately. It just seemed different this time. More intimate, really, and it'd been very intimate before.

"I hope it can forgive me," he murmured, then leaned his head up to catch her lips with his again and pulled her down into another lingering kiss. He wrapped his arms around her fully, pulling her as close as he could.

* * *

Even though Jasper's fingers were cold, it always seemed like anywhere they touched, the skin beneath them burned. Through her pajamas even, her skin felt as if it were on fire when he moved his hands over her thighs and up to her back. One place that truly _did _burn was her cheeks, which unsurprisingly, were flushed as a result of any intimate contact with Jasper. Bella wondered if they would always heat up and turn a shade of pink or red when he touched her or if it was something that would fade in time. Somehow, she sincerely doubted the later. She wished, though, that it wasn't always so obvious about the simple effect he could have on her with one little kiss or one brush of his fingers.

Kissing him back, she didn't have a chance to smile at his worries about the unforgiving pillow. Allowing him to pull her against him, she shifted her hands from his shoulders to the mattress on either side of them. It was funny; even though Bella knew she couldn't crush him with her weight, she still worried that she would make him uncomfortable if she didn't brace herself a little bit. It was just an example of her ever-present concern for the boy who she was entwined with now. Even if at times that concern seemed irrational, such as the case currently, it still existed. Jasper was her first priority now. Everything came second to his happiness.

It was difficult for her to pull away from the kiss to speak a response, but she managed after a little while. "I don't know," she said, leaning in for a shorter, softer kiss. "You might have to do some convincing." Another little kiss. "I would recommend this." And another. "I don't see how anyone… could stay mad… at you…" She trailed off, her sentenced having been punctuated with more kisses in between every few words before she kissed him fully upon finishing her statement.

He was becoming something of an obsession to her. Bella had no trouble admitting to such a fact.

* * *

Jasper could sense the rush of blood to her cheeks and having it so close to his nose and mouth made him tense, but only momentarily. He'd gotten used to Bella's inclination to blush, but it was only natural for him to react that way to the scent of her blood. Her body temperature seemed to have risen a little, and her heart had sped up. He could only assume this was a result of what they were doing. As much as it made his throat burn, it also made him want more.

He let one of his hands run over her body a bit more boldly, tracing her curves and lightly squeezing her hip as they kissed so passionately. He wasn't typically one to press onward like that without permission, but he simply couldn't help it. Just as she was by him, Jasper was intoxicated by Bella. He needed her, to kiss her, to touch her. He'd missed her so much that previous night, and he was going to make the most of every second they had together.

Jasper returned each of her brief kisses, his lower lip pouting just slightly when she'd pull back to speak. It was like a tease, and it was very difficult for him not to just silence her with another long, passionate kiss. She gave him one finally, and he felt dizzy. He brought one hand up to rest on her cheek and pulled back from her kiss. Turn about was fair play.

"I suppose it's.." He brushed his lips against hers slowly. "..my Southern charm.." The words were murmured against her lips. "..melts all the girls'.." His lips were just a breath away from hers. "...hearts.."

He kissed her deeply again, his hand tangling in her hair while the other dipped beneath her shirt to trail over the skin of her back.

* * *

They matched one another so well on so many different levels. The banter between kisses was certainly no exception. Bella felt slightly guilty for delaying him kisses when she was speaking in between as soon as she came to wish he would stop talking and kiss her directly as well. Now they were at least even.

It was obvious that things were getting to a level that they hadn't touched upon much yet. The night the newborn attack had occurred had been the first and last time that they grew more intimate in their alone time together. Then again, perhaps the reason it had been awhile was on account of the fact that they weren't permitted as much alone time anymore. And certainly, no alone time in her _bed_.

Bella knew that she was beginning to have some problems with controlling herself. Her hormones and desire to be closer to Jasper were mixing dangerously. She had never exactly been a patient person when it came to things she _truly _wanted. Right now, she wanted Jasper. His fingers against her bare back were nothing less than encouraging. Neither was the way he'd been touching her before or the way he thread his fingers through her hair when he kissed her so deeply. She took a second to take a breath, but the small space between their lips when she did so was filled with a sound that was a mix of a soft groan and a contented sigh.

He had no idea of the effect he was having on her.

It would quickly become a little bit more apparent though in her turn of actions. Involuntarily, her hips pressed a bit deeper into his and as the kiss continued, her fingers moved to the collar of his shirt. Fumbling with the top few buttons, she started to remove the garment. Bella's moves were bolder, but she could hardly come to realize it. That was until her fumbling turned into frustration, and when she tried to continue unbuttoning the shirt, she grasped the fabric and accidentally tore it. The sound made her snap back from his lips, sitting up and covering her mouth with her hands in shocked embarrassment at her strength.

"Oh! Oh God, I'm sorry," she mumbled from behind her hands. She immediately tried to start explaining. "I didn't mean to pull so hard. I wasn't trying to- I really didn't think I was that strong. I'm so sorry. I-" She continued on, mumbling unintelligible behind her fingers as her cheeks went from pink to dark scarlet in the blink of an eye.

* * *

The only thing that came close to Jasper's regard for Bella was his regard for women in general. If he'd felt for even a fraction of a second any sort of discomfort coming from her he would have stopped kissing her immediately. As it was, he could feel her desires and needs growing stronger with each second that passed while they kissed. They reflected his own. Jasper needed her touch, he needed this so badly.

He had to pull himself back down into reality, but it wasn't easy. He had to make himself remember that she was a teenage girl and that this was a completely new experience for her. He couldn't let himself get carried away. More importantly, it was for her safety that he did not let himself get worked up. Jasper did not want to put her in anymore danger than she was already in just by being in the same room with him, and he knew that to a degree he was compromising that by being so intimate with her. But there were just some things that couldn't be helped.

Jasper had to suppress a groan of his own, stifled only by the fact that he'd stopped breathing while they were kissing. He felt her fingers starting to try to unbutton his shirt, and he made no move to stop her. He still wasn't entirely comfortable with being shirtless around her, but he knew she didn't judge him by the way he looked, and she didn't hold his scars against him. It also helped knowing that she couldn't see them in this position. His own hands had been exploring her body still, both beneath and above her shirt.

It was becoming quite heated between the two of them, until the sound of his shirt ripping pierced the air. Jasper thought nothing of it, but a split second later Bella had pulled away from him and sat up. His eyes opened quickly and he looked up at her in surprise - not over the shirt, but her reaction to it. He didn't understand at first why she was so apologetic, and then she mentioned pulling so hard which led him to believe it was about the shirt. The rush of blood to her cheeks again made it difficult for him to breathe, but for her, he endured.

"Bella, there's nothing to be sorry for." Jasper quickly sat up, moving his arms to wrap around her and keep her in his lap. "This sort of thing happens all the time. I've ripped my own shirts myself trying to unbutton them."

* * *

There was a major reason why Bella had the reaction she did. She was sure, _sure _that he was going to pull back and away from her, tell her she was too eager, too much, too something. He was going to leave and say it was a mistake for letting himself get carried away. He was going to tell her that she couldn't keep pressing the boundaries like she was doing. Certainly, undressing had to be a new boundary Bella was stepping over. She'd taken his shirt off before, but that had been because of the fact that it was torn and tattered and he'd been wounded. Well. His shirt was torn now. But it occurred in a completely opposite way.

When he assured her there was nothing to be apologetic about and moved to keep her close to him with his arms around her, Bella hesitated a moment. It was mainly due to the fact that she was shocked that what she was _sure_she had been expecting as far as a reaction coming from him, never amounted.

"Yes," she said after a moment, dropping her hands from her face. "But super strength comes with your territory. I have trouble opening a jar of jelly sometimes."

She, by no means, had any physical strength. Jasper may have been her emotional strength, but being completely devoid of any athletic ability whatsoever, Bella lacked any muscle. Pressing her forehead against his, she sighed and calmed herself down.

"I'm sorry," she said again. But this time, it was more of an apology directed toward her sudden reaction and surge of worry that she was referencing. "I thought… you would be upset."

She hoped she didn't completely ruin the mood but now there was a fear that she had. All she could do was try to at least make up for it and move along as if nothing had happened to interrupt what had otherwise being going so well.

Brushing an unruly curl away from his face, her lips touched his forehead. They kissed the tip of his nose then and finally, his mouth once more. Her actions were much slower now, gentle. Hands that had come to rest on his shoulders moved to his chest, gently pushing back the material of the damaged shirt and letting it fall over his shoulders. Bella made the assumption – and desperately hoped – that it was all right. Continuing to kiss him, her fingers ghosted down his neck to explore the smooth expanse of his skin.

* * *

Upset? She was afraid he'd be upset because she let her emotions and feelings guide her? Jasper would have been quite the hypocrite to fault her for something like that. His primary way of functioning was based on following his emotions. While he did worry about himself getting carried away with her, he knew that he loved her enough to stop before it reached a point where he could no longer differentiate between emotion and instinct.

He watched her with concerned eyes as she quite obviously struggled mentally with her thoughts on the matter. He wished he could calm her, but he did not dare use his power to invoke it. Jasper had been careful not to do that, unless he knew she was having a nightmare. He waited, reading her emotions as she worked through her feelings to find a resolution. He stroked her back gently, listening to her speak.

"I'm not upset at all," he said softly, and kissed her cheek. He wasn't sure why, but he had a feeling that something had gone on before where her advances were spurned. He didn't want her to relate that incident to him.

It relieved him when she started to touch him again. The mood hadn't been ruined for him. He still wanted to be kissing her and touching her just as much now as before, if not more. He closed his eyes as she placed kisses on his face, finally reaching his lips. He kissed her back, moving his arms to accommodate for her removing his shirt. He felt himself getting nervous for a moment, as he always did when he felt exposed like this, but as soon as he felt the soothing warmth of her hands running over his chest he relaxed. This was his Bella touching him; she'd never hurt him.

He ran his hands up the back of her shirt again, letting one slowly stray down her bare side. Jasper started to bravely push her shirt further up, when a passing breeze entered the room and made him pause. Had it not been for Bella's sweet scent, he would have stuck his nose up. The foul scent of dog had traveled on that wind. Instead of jerking away from her, he slightly eased back and let her shirt fall back into place.

"Bella," he murmured, between kisses. "Are you expecting company today?" He pulled back and looked up at her with curious, but cautious eyes.

* * *

Bella had no idea what she had ever done to deserve someone like him. Jasper was always so sensitive to the way she was feeling. Yes, he had a gift for it, but somehow she was convinced that it had more to do with the fact that he was just such a kind-hearted person. He never was anything less than understanding, even when Bella's actions were sometimes unpredictable and she reacted in a way that may not have been what he was expecting. In that way, the brunette took after her mother. Renee was always the unpredictable one as opposed to Charlie. Luckily though, when Bella changed her mind, it was mostly beneficial. Otherwise, people would have started to view her as being crazy. For the most part – that didn't happen. At least, that Bella knew of. Plain and ordinary? Yes. Crazy? Usually not.

It was a relief when he assured her that he wasn't upset and if there had been any doubts, the way he met her kiss and slid his hands against her skin afterward erased them and were proof that he'd meant what he said. Her fingers moved along the contours of his chest, always so gentle, especially after knowing how sensitive he was about exposing his skin after he'd revealed the secrets of what lay beyond the human eye.

She was beginning to lose herself completely in his kiss and his braver touches when he pulled back slightly. At first, she just ignored it (a product of her desire's wishes to continue and pretend like she didn't notice) and leaned forward to follow him, lips seeking out the closeness of his. But when he'd questioned her, she opened her eyes. She barely even had the time to look bewildered about what spawned his reaction when the doorbell sounded. Bella hadn't been expecting company, but whoever it was was silently cursed for interrupting this time for Jasper.

"I'm not home," she said, cradling his face between her hands and pulling him in for another kiss.

When there was a knock, though, and the sound of a familiar voice calling from outside, Bella groaned and reluctantly pulled back from Jasper, dropping her hands from his cheeks. Jake. Now it registered why Jasper had asked before the doorbell even rang; he could smell the strong scent of the visitor. For a moment, she didn't know what she should have done. Part of her – the dominant, hormone driven part wanted her to just continue to ignore him and push Jasper back on the bed to continue their progressively more heated actions.

But another part of her knew that she couldn't ignore Jake and when he called her name again, she called back to him. "Coming, Jake."

Casting Jasper an apologetic look, she moved off of him and sighed. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I wasn't expecting anyone," she said honestly. "Just… _stay_," she instructed him, hoping he wouldn't take off because of his dislike for wolves. One wolf in particular who happened to be Bella's best friend. "Please," she added before combing her fingers through her hair and making her way down the stairs.

When she reached the door, she was slightly out of breath. "Hey Jake!" she greeted with a bright smile.

* * *

Jasper should have known better than to hope that the dog would just keep passing by. After all, he'd come all the way from his reservation. Of course he had a specific destination and _of course_ it would interfere with his time alone with Bella. He'd never really been one to get jealous before, and he wasn't about to start getting jealous now. He was just mad about the situation, and he naturally just couldn't stand the guy. That, and he just didn't like Bella being around someone who took her leaping off cliffs and actually _let her_ride a motorcycle. He'd hoped that after ringing the doorbell and receiving no answer, Jacob would just leave and assume Bella wasn't there. But ever the persistent dog, he knocked and obnoxiously called out to her afterward. He wanted to attribute Bella leaving to her just being too nice to ignore him. He couldn't, though. The fact of the matter was, she and Jacob were friends. All he could do was nod to her and watch her go.

* * *

Jacob had gotten a call from Charlie not long ago informing him that Bella was going to be home all day if he'd like to drop by. Of course, he took that opportunity and ran with it without blinking an eye. He wanted to take Bella back with him to the reservation. He wasn't sure what they'd do when they got there, but surely he'd think of something along the way.

"Bells!" He smiled at her, thrilled to see her. Though, she looked a little worn out. "Just wake up? Your hair's all over the place."

"What are you up to?" The whole property smelled like Leech, which was admittedly gross. It was all over Bella, too. He didn't think much of that, since they'd been hovering around her house so much. Some of the scent was bound to get on her. He'd take care of that.

* * *

Jasper listened through the open window, and could sense Jacob's more than friendly feelings for Bella. He didn't like it, and had to suppress the urge to growl. He wanted to go down there and chase him off, but he didn't want to go down there shirtless. Silently, he got up off the bed and moved to Charlie's room. He didn't really want to take another one of his shirts, but it was all he had available to him. He put it on, and of course it was a little short and a little tight, just like the other one had been, but it was the best he could do. He moved to the doorway of Charlie's room and listened, waiting to see if Bella could back out of this alone of if he needed to descend after all.

* * *

Bella didn't think too much about her appearance. The shock of Jacob being at her house at the present and what his visit happened to interrupt was enough to preoccupy her thoughts otherwise. But the interrupted activities were the reason that Bella probably looked as she did. Her cheeks were flushed slightly pink still and her lips were fuller, slightly swollen from kissing. Not to mention her hair, which he'd already commented on, and the fact that she was still in her pajamas.

"Yeah," she said, trying to flatten her hair with a sheepish grin. "I had trouble getting out of bed today." When there was a half naked vampire laying in it, no wonder.

Speaking of that vampire, her thoughts drifted to him. Surely he would be able to hear their conversation from wherever he was in the house, provided that he was still there of course. Bella really hoped he hadn't left.

"Not much," she said, pulling on a lock of her hair and twisting it around her finger. It was a nervous habit, but Bella hardly noticed she was doing it. "I was just planning on having a lazy day today," she said. "I think it's supposed to storm later."

In truth, Bella had no idea what the weather was supposed to be like for the rest of the day, but she figured it wouldn't be too far-fetched of an idea considering it frequently stormed in the summer in Forks. Glancing out past Jake's shoulder, she noted it _did _look a bit dark.

* * *

Well that foiled the bulky boy's plans. He thought she would be up and ready to go when he'd arrived. He probably should have called, but Jake liked the idea of surprising her. Perhaps he could just alter his plans slightly. Though he'd been hoping to take her back to La Push, if she didn't feel like going out, he would be glad to stay in Forks with her. Just as long as he could spend time with Bella.

"Well how about I keep you company then?" he asked, reaching out and playfully tugging on her elbow. "You have food here, right? That's all I need besides hanging out with you," he joked, flashing a smile at her as he took a few steps into the house.

He was so used to just walking in all the time, Jake didn't think twice about it. Bella wouldn't care. Why would she? But as soon he passed by her and stepped into the house further, the stench of bloodsucker intensified. "

Ugh!" he exclaimed, scrunching his nose. "No offense, Bells, but you stink."

* * *

Bella laughed nervously, closing the door behind him. Apparently, it wasn't going to be so easy to let him down and tell her that she couldn't spend time with him today. She didn't want to be rude to him and always liked to hang out with Jake, but it was just… she hadn't planned for it and already, she could feel herself missing Jasper. She might have liked Jake and appreciated his friendship, but she wished he would have called to let her know he planned to stop by so she could tell him she had other plans. It was more difficult to think of excuses now when he was already letting himself in the house.

"I told you I just woke up," she said. "I haven't showered yet." Of course she knew he was referring to a different type of scent, but she didn't need to feed into it.

"Really, Jake, I think you're going to be disappointed. Charlie's pretty much eaten the contents of the 'fridge single-handedly in the past two days and I haven't been to the store yet. My house isn't fit to accommodate appetites of werewolf proportions today," she said, wracking her brain for more believable excuses.

Apparently, Jake wasn't getting the hint because he just shrugged. "All right then. After you shower, I'll take you out to lunch, yeah?"

* * *

Jasper didn't like the way the dog just forced himself inside. It was assuming and rude, and very invasive. And how appalling of him to tell Bella she smelled bad! Jasper never would have said that to her. In fact, when faced with that situation he hadn't said a word, it was Bella who took the initiative to wash the scent off. So this was what the dog intended to do? Barge in, insult her, and eat all of her food? Jasper couldn't understand what the appeal was to be around this person. It wasn't even his natural bias talking. He just genuinely did not like Jacob.

When Bella mentioned that the refrigerator was running on empty, Jasper tensed. Jacob did exactly what he feared by saying he'd take Bella out to eat. He didn't want her to go at all. He wanted to run down there now and tell Jacob to get the hell out, that he wasn't invited and to stay away, but he couldn't do that. Bella would have to take that initiative herself, and Jasper just had a sinking feeling she didn't have it in her to do that. He also had a nagging feeling that maybe she didn't _want_ to do that. What he _could _do was make his presence known.

Jasper calmly descended the stairs, though inside he was getting angrier and angrier the closer he got to approaching Jacob. "I don't believe lunch with you was in our plans for the day, though it was thoughtful of you to consider raiding her refrigerator to fill your stomach," he said.

Even though it was a passive aggressive remark, somehow when Jasper said it his words still blended together like music. He came to stand next to Bella, but his eyes never left Jacob. It was difficult to keep his gaze eye-level, what with that horrendous shirt he was wearing. He would've made a remark about the shirt, but he knew his own left something to be desired, seeing as it was too tight around the top, too loose around the bottom, and too short overall.

* * *

Jacob immediately narrowed his eyes upon hearing, seeing, and smelling the leech. He'd grown to really hate this one, after he brought Bella home the night she'd gone missing, and then their showdown at her school.

"What is he doing here?" He asked, ignoring Jasper and looking at Bella. "Why was he upstairs? Didn't you just wake up?"

Jasper could feel the dog's anger rising. He knew it wasn't a good idea to make him mad, but part of him just couldn't help it. "That's really none of your business, is it? She owes you no explanation."

"The hell she doesn't!" Jacob snapped.

"I find it highly inappropriate to speak in that manner in the presence of a lady," Jasper countered.

The two met eyes again, glare for glare. Neither planned on backing down. But Jacob couldn't help but wonder why the hell the leech was dressed like that. The Cullens were always wearing fancy-schmancy designer crap. What was he doing in an old t-shirt?

* * *

When Jasper joined the two of them, Bella immediately felt a small surge of relief. He'd stayed. Well, he'd stayed at the house anyway. Apparently, he didn't stay in her room. Looking over at him after he spoke, a grin slipped across her lips before she could even get a chance to prevent it. She knew what had happened to his old shirt, but it made her smile that he was now wearing something of Charlie's. It reminded her of the very first time he'd stayed in her room at night to stand guard over her after Victoria had broken in. That was one memory that she was very fond of and seeing him now in that t-shirt that fit him just as well as the other one had – which was not very well at all – brought back the imagery. Of course, he still looked like a perfectly etched statue in the mediocre at best garment.

Her grin soon faded as did her relief at his presence when he and Jake began to exchange words. Jasper, very kindly, was coming to her defense even though Bella didn't mind Jake's persistence. Rather, she was used to it. In this instance, she did mind considering it hadn't exactly fit in with her plans for the day. This, after all, was the first time she had alone time with Jasper in quite awhile and she didn't know when they could be so close in the comfort of her own room.

Still, she didn't want there to be an argument between them and it seemed like the tension in the room could be cut with a knife. Her mouth opened when Jake had turned on her and demanded an explanation, but before she could say anything, Jasper interjected and the two of them turned on one another. If she didn't step in, Jake would phase soon and Jasper would lunge at him. The last thing she needed was to explain to Charlie that the house was destroyed by a vampire and a werewolf battling in their living room.

Bella stepped in between them before she did anything else. Hopefully, that would at least put a physical barrier in the way of killing one another. Turning to Jake, she offered an honest explanation.

"Jake, I didn't know you were coming over. Jasper and I already made plans today."

* * *

Jacob didn't waste a moment before firing off his most important questions again.

"Why was he upstairs? Was he in your _room_? Does _Charlie_ know that bloodsucker was here? In your room? Wearing one of _his_ shirts?"

No. There was no way that leech would wear that t-shirt. Since when did _they _care about the Mariners? Besides, he was certain he'd seen Bella's dad in that shirt before and there was no way in hell it even fit that damn vampire.

* * *

"Well Charlie isn't exactly well informed of the fact that his house needs to be guarded from crazy newborn vampires waiting to attack at any possible second," she said back.

Her tone wasn't rude – it was ordinary - but it could have been. It just made a point. "Jasper was outside all night and I got him one of Charlie's old shirts for a change of clothes," she said, shrugging. Bella wished that just once, she could be a better liar. She hated doing it and thus, tried to avoid it at all costs. That didn't exactly make it one of her talents.

"He and his family are already doing enough to look after the house to keep us safe. I could at least get him a clean t-shirt, Jake."

* * *

Jasper probably would have been the best of his family to speak with Jacob, in theory. With his power, he could have forced Jacob to calm down so that he wouldn't phase. But that was under the assumption that Jasper had no ill feelings towards the dog. He had no intention of easing the situation or relieving any of Jacob's tension. The only way he would have done so, would have been if Bella specifically asked. Otherwise, Jacob was on his own and Jasper would deal with the consequences if necessary. Jacob didn't scare him; he didn't intimidate him in the least. If anything, Jasper found it comical that he'd even try.

He listened to Bella give her excuse about the shirt, and it actually was a pretty plausible explanation. The problem was in the delivery. Bella was a terrible liar, so while the reasoning was logical, the telling of it was less than convincing. Jasper didn't care. He wished she didn't have to lie in the first place, even to the dog. The only thing he did worry about was the damage and potential danger Bella could be in if Jacob phased and tore up the house, or possibly turned on her. He didn't want to see that happen, which was why he didn't chime in on any of the explaining.

* * *

Jacob was pissed. Just being in the same room with the blood sucker was bad enough, but knowing he'd been in Bella's room? That was even worse.

"If you were planning on spending the day with _him_, then why did you just tell me you didn't have plans for the day?" He demanded. "Is he isolating you on purpose? You know there's no place safer for you to be than on the reservation."

Jasper scoffed. "That's debatable." Of course he meant it in a way that meant there was no place safer for her to be than in his arms, but it probably came off as him saying she wasn't safe on the reservation.

"Listen, Leech," Jacob snapped. "I've got this under control, so why don't you prance off to your mansion in the woods and leave Bella alone? She doesn't need you."

Jasper clenched his jaw. "I think that's up to Bella to decide."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Bells, come on. I came all the way out here just to see you. Are you really going to put me off so you can spend the day with this blood sucker?"

Now it was Jasper's temper that was rising. He didn't care about Jacob, but being called a leech and a blood sucker was grating on his nerves. He was half tempted to wrap his arms around Bella and tell him exactly what he intended to do with their time together, but he refrained and simply stood there, still as a statue.

* * *

Things weren't going well. Each time Bella made an attempt to speak, she was cut off, mainly by Jake. And good friend or not, his words were upsetting her. She didn't like anyone talking so negatively in reference to someone she loved and when Jake continued to used derogatory terms to describe Jasper, Bella was getting annoyed. Aside from that, he was completely wrong. The reservation may have been safe place, yes. But Jasper wasn't the only one convinced that his arms were the safest place for her; Bella felt the same. With him, she felt protected. Even with what had happened with the newborn a few weeks beforehand, she was at ease with Jasper more than anyone else and she trusted him with her life. He'd kept her safe then and she had no doubts that he would keep on doing just that.

It would only continue to get worse until Bella made a decision. Jake flat out asked her what she chose, who she wanted to spend her time with, putting her on the spot. But she needed to address a few more things first.

"I didn't say I didn't have plans. I just said I was planning on having a lazy day. Jasper and I intended to stay around the house today for the most part. And he's not '_isolating' _me. It was my choice to stay home and he agreed that he wouldn't mind." Her voice was firm, but gentle. She didn't want to hurt Jake's feelings, especially when he added that he'd come all the way out here to see her. But at the same time, he needed to understand a few things.

"Secondly, _stop _with the name calling. I've told you about that before, Jake. I hate when you do that. Please don't?" she asked, looking hopeful when she requested that he not use those terms. "I'm really sorry you came all the way out here," she said, honestly feeling guilty about that. "But like I said, I wish you would've called. I'm looking forward to hanging out with Jasper today and I can't break plans with him just because you came over, Jake." It was difficult to remain firm when she could visibly see the expression on Jacob's face turned to utter bitterness when he looked at the blonde again. But she managed to stay stoic. For Jasper.

* * *

She apologized again to her friend, but Jake wasn't even listening. He was currently trying to figure out how to attack. Just go for the throat or rile the leech up a bit first. His dark eyes narrowed and his upper lip curled into a growl as he observed the pristine blood sucker. He couldn't understand why Bella would ever waste her time in _willingly_ spending time with any of them. Especially this one with his _propriety_. What a joke. He could have taken down that good for nothing, pretty boy with one single-

"_Jake._" Bella's voice cut through to him and pulled him out of his bitter thoughts.

"Fine," he snarled, his eyes never leaving the bloodsucker. "I'll call you later, Bells." Before he turned to leave, he advanced a step on Jasper. "And keep him out of your room."

It was more of a warning to the vampire as opposed to a request for Bella, but once it was made, Jacob opened the door and took off. He made it to his car and sped off, a substitute for phasing, which he _really_ wanted to do in order to combat his anger. But he couldn't leave his car there; it meant he'd have to come back and get it later and that time, he'd didn't know if he'd be able to control himself around that _freak_.

* * *

**Author's Note: **We actually split this chapter in two so we're posting it along with chapter 12 shortly after. Keep reading! Please follow, fave, and review! We LOVE your feedback!

**Lyrics:** She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5


	12. Chapter 12

_It's hard I must confess_  
_ I'm banking on the rest to clear away_  
_ Cause we have spoken everything_  
_ Everything short of I love you ;;_

When Jake had left, Bella let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. There had been such a close call of a fight between the two of them and if there had been one, she didn't know what she would have done. She was only thankful that Jake took the seriousness of her words and left. Bella knew he wasn't happy and she did feel bad about that, but at the same time, it was his fault for dropping in like he did. She would never leave Jasper, nor did she want to. Turning back to him after she shut the door, she closed the distance between them and ran her hands down his arms.

"I'm sorry," she said, fearing that he was upset again. She imagined he would be by the names and insulting speech Jacob had used. "I wasn't expecting any near-death matches to interrupt our day," she said apologetically with a hint of a grin on her lips. Bringing his hand to her lips, she kissed the palm of it before brushing her lips lower against his wrist. For every scar that Maria had put there, Bella vowed to leave a kiss to erase it.

"Did it kill the mood completely?" she asked, looking up at him.

* * *

Jasper was not sorry to see Jacob go in the least. The only thing he was sorry about was that the dog came over at all and interrupted their morning. It surprised him a little when Bella sent him off without any sort of compensation. She didn't make future plans with him, as she had before when they'd faced off at her school. That made Jasper happy, though he wasn't going to show it. He didn't want Bella to feel she couldn't be friends with Jacob, even though he did inwardly wish that she wasn't. He simply remained stoic until the dog was gone and he couldn't smell the stench of dog any longer before softening his expression and speaking again.

He smiled down at her just a little, watching as she kissed his skin. It did always soothe him when she would give him kisses. The warmth of her lips against his icy cold skin was unlike anything he'd ever felt before. The hand that wasn't being treated to her kisses slid up to lightly brush against her cheek, then gently passed through her slightly tousled hair.

"No, not completely. My desire to kiss you and have you close could never be truly extinguished," he replied. And that was the honest truth. Jasper didn't think there was anything that could possibly take away his need to be with her. Even the presence of some rancid dog calling him names, speaking rudely and trying to move in on his time with her, could not make him want to be apart from her. Bella was his world, and nothing else mattered to him.

"I'm sure the mood can be invoked again." That was true as well, but just because he wanted to be with her, didn't mean he was in a state _to _be with her. "I just need a little time to calm down," he confessed.

He'd tried to maintain his temper, and he thought he'd done a fairly acceptable job at doing so, but he knew inside he was furious, and the last thing he needed was for that anger to ignite, even if it was in passion for her.

"Let's order a pizza for you, or at least find you some sort of lunch. I believe that the morning is drawing to a close anyway. We could watch a film if you'd like." He knew that she wanted to go back upstairs and continue what they were doing before. He wanted that too, but he knew for her sake he needed time to calm down and let the anger Jacob had provoked from him pass naturally before he put his hands on her in passion again.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I know it wasn't my place to come down here. I just.. It's.. I didn't want you to go with him.. I.." He looked down, then met her gaze a moment later. "Let's get you something to eat."

* * *

Bella really had half a mind to jump in her truck and follow after Jake so she could properly berate him for interrupting what was nothing less than a perfect morning. But she refrained for several reasons. The first was that it meant she would be creating an even worse situation than the one that just occurred and she knew how angry the boy was already at being turned away. The second was that it meant she would be away from Jasper and that just wasn't an option. And the third? It really hadn't been Jake's fault. He obviously didn't expect that Bella would have been busy, and there was no way he would have been able to know that she was busy _with _Jasper. Even though he could have handled the confrontation better by at least being civil, she couldn't hold him responsible for ruining things.

That didn't mean she wasn't still disappointed. She really wanted nothing more than to take Jasper back upstairs and take that shirt off of him like the other one, freeing him from the too-small garment. It didn't help that the t-shirt in question was short enough to show off the cuts of his hipbones. The sight was enough to cause her cheeks to flush all on its own. She forced herself not to look again though. Jasper claimed that he needed to take some time to cool off and Bella would respect that, no matter how hard she may have tried to work to keep her hormones at bay.

Just because she was disappointed with not engaging what they had been in her bed prior to Jake's unannounced visit, didn't mean that Bella was disappointed to be doing anything else with him. She loved spending time with Jasper doing _anything _and thus, she couldn't have been too upset. It was important that he have a chance to calm himself down. She could feel that he was still tense, though Bella probably didn't realize the full extent of his anger toward the La Push native.

When he mentioned getting something to eat, her stomach growled as if on cue. Laughing quietly, she nodded and put her hand over it. "Pizza sounds good," she said, glad that he didn't want to take her out anywhere as Jake had suggested.

She'd fibbed a bit when she told him the house didn't have food. It did. She could have made herself something for lunch, but Bella was more about ease today than anything else and ordering in sounded the most appealing to her. She just wanted to stay here with Jasper. Food and curling up with him on the couch to watch a movie sounded perfect.

She started to turn to get the phone when he spoke again. Her face scrunched slightly with confusion as to why he was apologizing. "Jas, you have nothing to be sorry for," she said, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck soothingly. "I'm… _glad _you came down," she said. And it was true. While she wasn't happy there was an altercation of sorts, she was glad to Jasper there and eventually with him, get the problem resolved.

"You know I never would have left you though, right?" she asked in all seriousness. "There's nowhere in the world I would rather be."

Standing on her toes, she reached for a kiss to further assure him. "Now come on. You have a very important job ahead of you," she said with a grin. "You're in charge of picking out the movie."

* * *

Jasper felt guilty for being so angry, but he knew it would pass. With Jacob gone, a good portion of the tension had left which immediately helped Jasper to transition his own anger towards calmness. Bella's soothing touch and kisses were also aiding towards that goal, and he could feel her own relaxing presence near him, which was gladly welcomed. Jasper breathed in her scent and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to push out the memories of what just transpired, and refocus his attention only on Bella. Knowing she was going to have food helped, too. He wanted to make sure she was always taken care of in every way, and since he didn't have to eat the way she did, he took special care to make sure she got the nutrients her body required. He was glad she agreed to eat, rather than brushing off her hunger for one reason or another.

As her hand reached up to brush against the back of his neck, Jasper lightly trailed his hand down her side to rest on her hip. He felt he had plenty of reason to apologize, as he still felt he'd intruded on the situation. He just didn't know how to explain how protective he was, even if deep down he knew Jacob would never hurt her. He just loved her so much, and he needed to make sure she was okay. Her question left him wondering. He felt guilty about that, for having wondered if she might go with Jacob, or make other plans with him that could take her away from their time together. It made him feel selfish, but he simply couldn't help it.

"I know," he said softly, and leaned down to kiss her lips.

There was a little pressure in picking out a movie. Jasper raised an eyebrow at her after he was assigned the task. He didn't want to pick out something she hated, but he didn't really know what her movie tastes were. He needed to find out sometime though, as he wanted to know everything there was to know about her eventually. Now was just as good of a time as any to find out what movies she liked and didn't like. His own tastes were rather widespread. He'd be happy watching a documentary with Carlisle, a classic with Esme, or a nonsense comedy with Emmett. Didn't really care for the chick flicks Rosalie was into, but he'd endure if he had to.

"Right.. the movie.."

Jasper moved into the living room where the television was and started looking through the Swan movie collection. It was pretty eclectic from what he could tell. It looked like Charlie had a lot of sports matches taped, but there was everything from horror films to comedies. That made it a little more difficult to find the right one, though, since there was no specific genre that seemed more prevalent than another (save for the sports tapes). There was one that caught his eye, though.

He picked up the movie, a copy of "Gone with the Wind," and stared at it. He'd never seen it before, though he was pretty sure Esme had it in her collection. It was an old movie, he could tell, and apparently about the South during the Civil war, from what he read on the back.

"...Is this.. for real..?" He asked, still staring.

* * *

Bella went to the kitchen to find the number to call for pizza. After she placed an order for delivery, she called into the living room to Jasper that she would be right back. Going upstairs, she changed her clothes. They weren't a vast improvement from her pajamas - just a thin long-sleeved t-shirt and a pair of capri cut sweatpants. It was a little warm for the summer, but she fully intended to be curled up and cuddling with Jasper and thus, she thought her attire was appropriate. Perhaps she should have put a little more effort into her appearance considering she always wanted to look a little nicer for Jasper, but her clothes kept up with her desire for a laid back day and so she didn't worry over it all that much.

Grabbing her quilt, she joined him downstairs while he was selecting a movie. She'd just gotten there when he was making a comment on one. Coming up behind him after she tossed the blanket on the couch, she wrapped her arms around his waist and tucked her chin over his shoulder to see what he'd picked. When she saw the cover, she laughed, understanding now why he would make such a statement.

"You've never seen Gone With the Wind?" she asked with a smile. "It's a classic! I thought it would be one of your favorites," she joked. Somehow she thought things were quite different the way Jasper remembered them. Still, it seemed fitting that he picked one that he would have some relation to.

"It's really long," she warned him. "Is that all right with you? I know you're short on time with, you know, an eternity ahead of you and all," she joked, giving him a squeeze and kissing the back of his shoulder before letting him go. "I wouldn't want you to feel like you wasted a few hours that you can never have back."

She grinned and took the movie to put it in the player beneath the TV. It had been awhile since she'd watched the movie he picked, but she and Renee loved it. Her mother even went through a phase where she insisted Bella call her Scarlett like the lead in the film. At least they would be able to watch it on a decent screen. Charlie's television, with it's wide flatscreen, was like a second child. Bella never watched it much, but it would be nice to take advantage of it today with Jasper. Settling down on the couch, she waited for Jasper to join her before she started the movie.

* * *

"I'm afraid I haven't," he replied, when she asked if he'd seen it. "Esme has it at home, but I've never watched it." He stared at it a little longer, trying to make sense of the people on the cover, but it was difficult to focus on anything when her arms were around him and she was leaning against him like that. Jasper closed his eyes and let one of his hands trail of her arm as a smile tugged at his lips.

Anger? What anger?

"You forget, I don't measure my time in hours," he said. "It won't feel like a long time to me. ...Unless it's a bad movie. However if that's the case, I'll just pay attention to you instead." He grinned and watched her go set up the television and player. That was mostly what he thought he'd do anyway. How could he focus on a movie with her in his arms?

"Besides, I'd hardly call sitting with you for any length of time a waste. And I certainly wouldn't trade that time for anything."

As she settled herself down on the couch with her quilt, Jasper moved to sit next to her. He lowered down onto the couch beside her, sliding an arm around her shoulders to pull her against him. He leaned his head down and kissed the top of her head, then did so again and nuzzled her hair. He was almost sorry they hadn't just gone back upstairs, but like her, any time spent with her was special to him. He cherished cuddling on the couch as much as he did their passionate kisses. He pulled the quilt around her to tuck her in within it to keep somewhat warm, then held her close as the movie started.

* * *

The movie started, but Bella could share the sentiments about it being difficult to pay attention to anything aside from Jasper. It was worse when she had already seen it and thus, she could have gone without watching it altogether and instead, just on his reactions to it. But because jasper hasn't viewed it before and since he had chosen it, there was no way that she was going to ruin that for him. She could be patient. She could wait.

When the pizza came, she assured him to let the movie continue as she went to answer the door and paid the delivery man. She couldn't have been more grateful either – by the time it had gotten there, she was starving. Taking it to the kitchen, she pulled a couple of pieces from the box, put them on a plate, and took them back to the living room so she could stay with him while she ate. As useless of a thought as it may have been, Bella always felt guilty eating in front of him, as if she should have offered him something as well. But considering she knew he wouldn't be interested in anything she ate and because she didn't have any spare bottles of animal blood laying around, she couldn't remedy her silly thoughts. When she was full, she gingerly set the plate on the tabletop by the couch and settled back down. She didn't need to take away from anymore cuddling time with Jasper by returning it to the couch.

Leaning against him, she sighed contentedly and watched with him. Often, she found herself daydreaming about what it would have been like to live in that time period. She imagined it differently than when Jasper told her about his history. He seemed far more charming than any of the men that Scarlett O'Hara concerned herself with. His accent was certainly different, but she preferred Jasper's. It held the Southern charm to it and she loved when he was speaking and it would come out some times more than others.

But Bella hadn't fully thought through her plan. With a full stomach and with his arms around her, how could she have been anything less than comfortable? After about two hours into the movie, she fell asleep, tucked against Jasper's chest. He might have worried that he wasn't the best for cuddling up to considering how hard and cold his physique was, but Bella would have disagreed. With her quilt around her and her choice of clothing, she was perfectly at ease with the temperature and it was nice to be pressed against the chill of Jasper's skin. It was as if her body was in tune with the movie. Bella started to stir when it was nearing the end, just in time for the famous Clark Gable line. Yawning as she stretched, she pulled him a little closer.

"Well?" she asked, looking up at him when the credits started and the movie ended.

* * *

The film was.. basically what Jasper expected it to be. A dramatized, overly romanticized story that wasn't really realistic at all that took place during the Civil War. None of the belles he had known had behaved like Scarlet, but he knew that was just the way movies were. Still, the fact that he'd grown up during that time and really lived it, and then to see it displayed like this? He'd scoffed through most of the movie. It was as bad as having to sit through an inaccurate history lesson and not say anything. From what he could tell, Bella really liked the movie, so he wasn't going to verbally rip it to shreds. Esme liked it too, and he didn't want to disrespect his mother.

Fortunately, Bella had fallen asleep through most of the film. That left him able to make faces when he wanted to and occasionally roll his eyes. Though he preferred Bella awake, it was nice having her sleep in his arms like this. He'd really, truly missed having that experience over the past few weeks. Watching her sleep was something he loved, and not being able to do it had been really hard for him. It was a nice distraction for the movie, to be able to take care of her while she napped. He was able to make sure she was completely relaxed, and able to enjoy her slumber to the fullest. It relaxed him, too, wiping away any remaining tension he had from before.

After she woke up, the movie came to a close, and Jasper was a bit relieved. It definitely wasn't something he'd choose to watch again, though if Bella wanted to he wouldn't hesitate to sit through it. At her question, he stared at the rolling credits as he tried to form the words he wanted to say.

"Pardon my language," he said, "but that woman was a bit of a harlot, wasn't she?" He shook his head and couldn't help but laugh a bit. "Sorry, I know it's just a film. It's just.. romanticized the time quite a bit. I must commend her for those dresses, though. I'm not sure how one would walk around or sit down with skirts like that."

* * *

Bella couldn't help it. She started to laugh when he gave her his commentary about the film. She hadn't heard anyone use the term 'harlot' in years. But it was fitting for the film and it was fitting for Jasper, as was his apology before using the word at all. He was such a gentleman all the time. Bella loved that about him. Even when he didn't need to censor himself around her, he was always still so considerate of her presence. That had been shown when Jake was trying to pick a fight with him earlier on as well and Jasper had been more concerned with the fact that the other boy was swearing in front of Bella as opposed to shooting back with harsh words himself. It was such an admirable trait.

"Yes, she was," she agreed.

Bella usually didn't like films that cast the supposed heroine as… well. A harlot, as Jasper had said. The woman was married three times and had her sights set on any man that walked. Well, any man that walked with money, that is. She was hardly anyone to look up to. And yet, the film was an epic classic in movie history. It was just proof that drama and romance were top sellers.

"I don't know why though," she said honestly."If I had one of those Southern gentlemen, I wouldn't be looking for another one," she said. "Then again, _my _gentleman isn't like any of the ones in the movie," she said with a grin, nuzzling his neck. "He's far too charming. Not to mention incredibly handsome. Ms. O'Hara wouldn't have stood a chance."

She laughed again when he mentioned the skirts. "I do have to commend her for that one too. I can hardly stay upright wearing jeans," she said, blushing a bit in the cheeks. "I wouldn't have been able to make it two steps in something like that," she said nodding to the cover of the movie.

Lifting a hand, Bella aimlessly thread her fingers through his hair, gently massaging his scalp with her fingertips. Even though she was well-rested, especially after her nap, she still felt somewhat lethargic.

* * *

Jasper absolutely loved it when she stroked his hair and massaged his scalp. He loved it almost as much as he loved her kisses. It made him feel like he was melting, and he very nearly did, leaning against her and closing his eyes, a soft sigh escaping his lips.

"I would've had you on my arm," he murmured. "I wouldn't have let you fall."

Of course, he was talking about if she'd been wearing one of those ridiculous dresses back in the 1800's, but it was also very relevant to the time they were living in. Jasper would never let her fall down.

"And Ms. O'Hara wouldn't have gotten a second glance from me, to be quite honest. I would've treated her with respect because that's how I was brought up, but she wouldn't have been my type at all. I don't even know if women like that existed. So dramatic and self-involved." Jasper scrunched his nose and shook his head.

"I was more attracted to the independent girls with sharp minds, who did more than sit around beneath their willow trees waiting for gentlemen to woo them. ..Though, I did like to woo them..' He smiled thoughtfully at that, then kissed the top of her head.

Jasper smiled and tilted her chin up with his thumb, then rested his hand against her cheek.

"I think I'd very much like to court you, Miss Swan," he said quietly. "I don't believe I ever formally asked. Would you have me?"

He pulled her closer to him and brushed his lips against her forehead, then looked down into her eyes. The smile never left his face as he looked at her. Clearly he was over the anger he'd felt before. "I promise I won't let you trip and fall. And if for some reason you should, I'll catch you before you hit the ground."

* * *

It was funny the way that things happened.

Bella hadn't watched Gone with the Wind in well over a year. Before that, she would watch it and think nothing of it aside from being a movie that she enjoyed with her mother. She wouldn't give much thought about the characters or what was really happening in the world in the mid 1800's at the time to story was based and how it may have differed in reality as opposed to the tale. She simply thought the scenery was beautiful and the plot line interesting despite being slightly drawn out with almost _too _many twists and turns. She wouldn't ever put herself in Scarlet O'Hara's shoes and imagine what it would be like to have men fawn over her. That just wasn't something she'd ever dwelt on.

But now she, she thought of it in a completely new light. She imagined what it would have been like to live in that time, wear those clothes, talk in that manner. Perhaps she would have been more graceful back then. Perhaps she would have been raised in a more eloquent nature that would prevent her from being so clumsy all the time. She would have been proper and poised, well-bred. Of course, Bella imagined that otherwise, she would still be herself as opposed to a Scarlet. She, like Jasper said he preferred, would have been independent with a strong mind and steadfast ideals. She thought about what it would have been like to know Jasper back then. She'd done such a thing before when she imagined what he must have been like in that time period, but she never really put herself in the situation _with _him. Now, she was.

He would have gone off to war and she would have given him her heart to take with him. Surely, it would have been one of the most difficult things that she would have had to endure with him gone. But her love for him never would have wavered. Every day that he was gone, it would only have grown and she would have waited patiently for him to return. Because in her story, Jasper's fate would have been different. There would have been no Maria, no pain in his future. Just happiness. That's the only thing he deserved.

That wasn't how the past had been. Awful things had happened. _Terrible_ things. Jasper's fate _had_ been grim and Bella's… Well. Bella's hadn't even existed yet. But it did now. This might not have been an epic movie, but it was reality. This was a story that she wished would have been written sooner, but one that Bella wouldn't complain about now. This was something she never imagined. Finding love once had been such an impossible thing to her, something that had never even been _considered_. After the tragedy struck that shook both of their lives, the word 'love' was no longer even in her vocabulary.

And yet, that was the only thing she could think of now.

Love.

His words went right through her, striking at her heart and igniting it in a way that had never happened before. Jasper wasn't the only one who might have felt like he was melting. Bella felt the very same way _because_ of him. She couldn't imagine any movie, book, story she'd heard otherwise that ever held such feelings within the pages or on the screen. The characters might have thought they were in love. But they weren't. Bella was sure _they_ couldn't have felt like this. Love.

Love.

She loved Jasper.

She _loved _Jasper.

This wasn't new; she'd realized it before now. But it felt like all the pieces fell into place when Jasper asked if he could court her, when he assured her that she would never have to worry about falling because he would always be there to catch her. Her skin where he touched her, even with the lightest brushes of his lips and fingertips, felt like it burned as her heart did. He couldn't possibly have had any idea of just how deeply she felt for him. He couldn't possibly have understood how much of a whole person he made her feel, how much he made her heart swell up with every single thing he did.

Bella didn't have an eternity right now. Her days were numbered. Every second she took a breath, it grew closer to the last one that she would ever take. But that didn't matter. It made no difference that her life was quite like an hourglass, slowing passing sand through to the end of it. She vowed that she would spend every single last day of it trying to make him see how much he meant to her. There were no words for it that could accurately describe it, she was sure. But he would always, _always _be able to feel it. It surrounded her now, radiating off of her light an invisible light that wrapped around him.

Her lips turned up in a smile when he finished speaking, but her eyes never left his for a second. Nodding, she gave him an answer. But she would do a lot more than that. Yes, he would be able to feel it now. There would be no mistaking it. Sometimes words weren't needed for that reason. But this time… This time they would be given anyway. He needed to know, to hear it right from her. He needed to not have any doubts. Brushing her fingers against his cheek and forgetting about the truth that she was not a movie heroine, she resorted to the fact that she was just Bella. And Bella loved Jasper. Her tone was quiet, but nothing less than sincere and full of the emotion she wished to convey.

"I love you."

* * *

Love.

It was an emotion and a feeling that Jasper valued above all others. He never thought he deserved to be shown love, let alone was worthy of it to bestow such a beautiful form of affection on another person. Love was something he never tried to explain, because putting it into words seemed to lessen and demean it, to take away from its passion and depth. He would not ever attempt that, wanting instead to simply feel it for himself and allow it to be felt from him.

Jasper had endured quite a bit when it came to love. He'd dreamt of having that one true, deep, passionate love when he was a human that never came to be. He'd harbored feelings for a few ladies back then and had his heart broken for it, but he'd never been in love. In the beginning of his vampire life, he thought he'd found his love. He didn't understand what love was and what he thought it to be was a grave mistake. Love did not abuse or manipulate. He learned that through experience, and had his heart trampled on mercilessly in the process, leaving him jaded and unwilling to accept or give love to anyone he came in contact with .. until he was given hope; hope that he could have redemption, a new start. Hope that he could understand love for what it truly was. And he did have it, for half a century. A pure love that he never felt he deserved. And when that was taken from him, he never thought he could find love again. He never _wanted _to find love again.

But that was the funny thing about love. It had a way of finding him, and without even realizing it, this one girl sitting beside him had managed to piece together his shattered heart and make him feel complete again. It wasn't the same love he'd felt before. It was newly born, formed by the bond the two of them shared with no other influences from the outside world. It was a love only the two of them could understand, because it was formed from their bond to each other.

Bella's confession of love did shock him. Perhaps it shouldn't have, because he'd felt it from her and though he couldn't put it into words, he knew what it was because it mirrored the feelings he had for her. Even so, to hear it spoken, to have his thoughts confirmed, had been a surprise. He still held the notion that he did not deserve it, and especially not from her. But it was there, and it was so real that the emotions were bursting from his delicately mended heart. He'd never felt this way before. Not specifically. This wasn't a love he could compare to any other, because it was for him and Bella alone. Jasper kept his hand lightly pressed to her cheek, his eyes on hers, but he did not speak at first.

This was not the way he'd imagined himself one day professing his love for her. Perhaps at their carousel, with her wrapped up in his arms after engaging in a passionate kiss. Or laying together on the beach listening to the waves wash up onto the sand. Or with the seats back in his car, looking up at the stars in the night sky. Perfect moments, etched out in his mind with the details playing one by one. He hadn't expected it to happen while they were sitting on her couch watching a cheesy movie, with him wearing her dad's Mariner's shirt.

And yet, it all seemed rather fitting.

Jasper had come to realize that there _were _no perfect moments. Something so meticulously planned was not genuine. It made everything seem overly thought out, and precise. That wasn't what love was. It was raw and passionate. It couldn't be explained, it couldn't be predicted. It just happened. Just like now.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered, just before pressing his lips to hers in a soft kiss. As he kissed her, she would be able to feel just how deeply that love ran, as he let it roll off of him in gentle, but strong waves of emotion.

* * *

Bella had been horribly wrong. She didn't think she could have felt more complete, more alive than she did when she told Jasper that she loved him. But when he said it back, it doubled her emotions and her feelings in regard to him and their relationship. Tripled it, more like. There was nothing to describe the way it felt to hear those words coming from him.

It was different than Bella would have thought it would have been. The setting wasn't one she would have predicted considering all the circumstances. But when she thought about it, there was nothing she would have changed. She said those words because she _felt_ them and the moment was right. All that was needed to make _any _moment special was Jasper and after he'd spoken so sweetly to her, there was just no more hesitation. It was one that she wanted to lock away forever like the many she started collecting with him. Keepsakes in an imaginary box like the seashell from the beach that she kept on her nightstand.

Usually, Bella would have felt awkward with such an important thing. Not in the situation, but in herself. She wasn't always the most eloquent with words. But when she'd told Jasper she loved him, it was easy. It was natural. It didn't require any prior thought or provoking. That's exactly how it had been to fall in love with him in the first place. Neither of them had been planning on it, nor were they ever expecting it to be certain. From that first night that it started to storm and Jasper watched over her house all the way to now. They'd gone through heartbreak together and because of it, their bond felt unbreakable. When he kissed her, she was sure of it.

Another fear that wasn't present after she'd confessed her love for him was rejection. Jasper didn't need to say it back; she was content in simply assuring him that she loved him. That would have been just fine with her if he wanted to digest it and leave it go for the time begin – she would have understood. But she wouldn't have felt hurt by it. Bella was simply just happy to be able to have the courage and ease to say it aloud when she had been feeling it so strongly for quite some time now. He _did _say it back however, and thus 'doubt' was a word that never would register for the brunette.

She met him for his kiss, lips moving perfectly in sync with his. There was no rush. Even though she'd touched upon the concept of time before, in this second, she felt as if there were no such thing.

Just Jasper. And she was just Bella. And they were just in love.

When she pulled back, she was still close enough to lean her forehead to his and touch the end of her nose to his. For a moment, she just stayed like that with her eyes closed, fingers stroking the hair at the nap of his neck softly. Then, as if everything hit her at once, Bella's face lit up with a smile. She kissed him again. Once. Then again. One more before leaning back again.

"Let's go back upstairs," she suggested. "I think your pillow needs attention."

* * *

**Author's Note: **One of our favorite moments between Jasper and Bella was when they told each other they loved one another. We felt the setting was prefect for them to confess to how they felt because it was unexpected. Please let us know what you thought! Were you pleased? Next chapter coming soon where unfortunately, our couple gets some bad news.

**Lyrics: **Hundred - The Fray


	13. Chapter 13

_God help me_  
_believe me_  
_This wasn't what I wanted_  
_but no..._  
_I can't leave ;;_

Most of that day, Jasper had been all smiles. He'd taken Bella to their carousel that day, where they'd spent several hours talking, cuddling, and kissing within the sturdy carriage they always sat in. He was fairly certain that not one minute had gone by that he wasn't touching her in some way, be it kissing her, holding her hand, running his fingers through her hair, or having his arm around her. Jasper hadn't wanted to let her go; he just wanted to spend the rest of the day the way they were, enjoying each other to the fullest extent. Unfortunately, things were not going to be going the way he wanted them to. One phone call had wiped the smile off his face completely. One phone call had caused their day to spiral rapidly in another direction. One phone call had them leaving the abandoned amusement park in a rush, heading in the direction of the Cullen house.

The call had been from Carlisle, and it was not good news in the least. There had been a death in Forks; a death that appeared to be an animal attack but the exact cause was unidentifiable. To Jasper, Bella, and the rest of the family that obviously meant a vampire attack. This was a very sharp turn of events, as they had not heard of anything threatening since the night the newborn came to Bella's home. This development had confirmed their fears; they were getting closer to Forks. Jasper was going to have to physically prepare his family for this, which was something he'd been putting off in order to spend time with Bella. He had hoped it wouldn't come down to this, but it seemed their time was dwindling. When word got out, the dogs of La Push were going to know exactly what the cause of death was. That also meant trouble for the Cullens. No doubt they'd accuse them first. They'd also want to involve themselves in the situation, which was the last thing Jasper wanted.

As all of these thoughts were running through his head, Jasper was staring intently through the windshield. He was holding Bella's hand and his grip was firm. His hold was not hard enough to be a discomfort to her hand or risk breaking any bones, but it didn't take a genius to see that Jasper was very tense and stressed. He was also feeling very protective. He wanted to take Bella and run, but he had to speak with the family. He needed more details from Carlisle. He needed to know if this for sure was a newborn, or if it had been the leader in charge of them sending a warning. He needed information on the body. He was driving rather fast, much faster than he usually drove Annabelle, but this was an urgent situation. They needed to figure out their course of action right away. He wanted to offer her some sort of comfort through words, but he couldn't bring himself to speak right now. He was just so tense and angry at these newborns and their leader for causing them so much trouble and pain.

* * *

It always seemed like bad news came at the worst times. The worst times, meaning those that were the best. All day, Bella had been happy and carefree, content in just _being_ with Jasper. It made it even better that they were relaxing in their favorite place. _Their _place. The carousel had come to feel like another home to Bella. It was sacred in a way; a haven where nothing bad could touch them. But today, that ideal was slightly tainted by Carlisle's phone call. She'd watched as Jasper's expression changed as he listened to his father on the other end and before he could even report back to her about what happened, Bella could feel the way his mood shifted significantly from the happiness she'd felt being exuded from him a minute beforehand.

A death in Forks; of course it wasn't an animal. There was only one thing that could have caused such an occurrence that would give off that appearance and they all knew what it was without needing it to be spoken aloud. For months, the deaths had been in Seattle, slowly growing closer. But now they were right on their doorstep. The danger was imminent and after both the newborn incident at Bella's home and the current news about the victim being found in their tiny town, there was no use in putting off any more preventive strategies. Things were about to change – Bella could _feel_it, sense it. It was rare that she had such feelings of unease but when she did, they were usually spot-on. The last time she'd felt this had been right before Edward left, right before the Cullen's disappeared from Forks altogether earlier that autumn.

It wasn't like Jasper to drive so quickly. He usually took his time, especially with her in the car. But now, there was a sense of urgency. She trusted him of course, and knew that they wouldn't be in any danger of getting into an accident of any sort, but still, Bella tensed in her seat. That could have partially have been because she could feel Jasper's uneasy mood radiating off of him in apprehensive waves. Though she was afraid of what was to come, the look of his face worried her as did his mood and thus, she tried as best as she could to remain calm, let him feel that she was composed. Her thumb gently stroked the back of his hand and her eyes never left him as they took the roads back to the Cullen home. She wanted to tell him she loved him, assure him that everything was okay. But words weren't needed just now. He would be able to feel those emotions from her and Bella hoped that would suffice for the time being.

But it was easy to see why they might not have. The situation they were about to face was sure to be trying. The discussion topic was grim and foreboding and that wasn't going to change. There was no delaying it either. Because of the speeds at which he was driving, they arrived at the house sooner than they would have normally. Before he got out of the car to come and open her door, Bella squeezed his hand reassuringly. It might not have reassured the situation, but it would allow him to know she was going to be right there with him. This had been the first time she'd been to the Cullen home since she'd gone the first day back of her return to Forks. Bella only wished it would have been on better terms.

Following Jasper inside, she managed a half smile at the rest of the family already assembled there. Nobody seemed exactly cheery, but the others seemed more pleased to see her than Rosalie. Such wasn't a surprise.

"This is what we know," Carlisle said when they began. "The victim was a man in his late thirties – Harvey Kline," he said, looking at Bella to see if she recognized the name. She shook her head, unfamiliar with the man.

Carlisle continued. "They found him in the woods near the highway. It was gruesome to be certain. The body was badly mangled which makes me think it was the work of a newborn," he said, now focusing on Jasper for his thoughts on the matter.

* * *

Even though he was stressed over the situation, he did not let that get in the way of his gentlemanly nature. Jasper still opened her car door for her and took her hand to help her out. After locking the car, he escorted her in through the garage. Jasper rarely ever saw the inside of the Cullen house anymore. Only when he went back to change, or if he was to meet Emmett or Carlisle to go hunting. Other than that, Jasper had been notably absent. It hadn't gone unnoticed by his siblings and parents, but none of them had said anything about it up until now.

Everyone had gathered in Carlisle's study, Jasper knew just from sensing them there. He took Bella into the room and released his hold on her hand just before opening the door. He let her walk in first, then followed behind her to join the others. Esme immediately rushed to hug Bella, then Jasper, before returning to her place beside Carlisle. Jasper nodded to the family, then folded his hands behind his back. He listened as Carlisle started right away, telling him what was known so far.

"Is the victim's body still at the morgue, Carlisle?" Jasper asked, wondering if his father was going to perform the autopsy. "If it would be possible for me to look at the body, I'd have a better idea. From what you say, it does sound like a newborn, however there's the possibility it was the leader, warning us that they're close. But newborns have a particular scent; their venom is much more potent. Even without me there I'm sure you'd be able to tell." He ran a hand through his hair and thought for a moment. "Either way, it's not good. Either way, it it was a message that they're assembling."

Rosalie snorted. "Assembling. Why? What do they want from us?"

Jasper shrugged. "It's unsafe to assume anything. It could be as simple as wanting our territory to hunt. They probably do not know of the pact with the wolves." Of course, he didn't really think that. He believed it was Victoria setting up her revenge. But he didn't want to confirm that in front of Bella.

Emmett pounding his fist into his palm. "So we're going to fight them?"

Jasper gave a slow nod. "I don't think we have a choice at this point. I'd hoped that they'd overthrow whoever is leading them and just kill each other off, but that won't be the case. Not soon enough for us to sit back and wait, anyway. I wish we knew how large the army is, but all we can do is overestimate and prepare for something large."

Jasper knew how to fight armies _with _armies, and while they were a strong united front, there was only five of them. Five against an army of unknowns that were all stronger than them. He'd speak that concern to Carlisle privately later, and inquire if he thought their Denali cousins might be good enough to come to their aid.

"This is ridiculous," Rosalie snapped. "Nothing like this ever happened to us before _she _came into our lives. What's she even doing here? She can't help us."

Jasper snapped his gaze to his twin and set his jaw, but fortunately Carlisle spoke before he could. "Comments like that aren't going to help the situation, Rosalie."

* * *

Jasper didn't need to say it in front of her – Bella already knew that things weren't as simple as a matter of hunting grounds. She knew that like so many other things that had caused heartache for the Cullen family, that she was the one responsible for this as well. She visibly tensed when Jasper confirmed that they would have to fight. She immediately had a flashback of the night when the newborn came to her house and Jasper had been on his own. He'd managed, but Bella never wanted to witness that again, not for any of the Cullen's. Especially Jasper.

Rosalie had a point too which only caused Bella to further remember that night. She'd been helpless. There was nothing she could have done to assist Jasper. If anything, she'd only made things worse by not listening to him and coming downstairs. Perhaps he never would have endured the scars he did for that reason. One thing was for certain – Bella didn't want him gaining any more for her sake. She knew all of this and yet, it was still hard to hear it spoken aloud in such a bitter tone from Rose. That stung.

Carlisle, kind enough to come to Bella's defense, only elicited a scoff from the bitter blond before he turned to address Bella. "Bella, we think it would be best if you went back to Jacksonville to stay with your mother for awhile," he said. "It would be safer for you there."

When the suggestion was made, Bella's face fell immediately. Without a second thought, she looked to Jasper. Panic shot through her when she realized that there was a chance she would have to be the entire way across the country from him. There, she wouldn't know what was happening. There, she would be even more helpless. There, she wouldn't be able to know if something happened to him. She couldn't stand for that. Bella wouldn't.

"But- But what about Charlie?" she asked, pulling for excuses to allow that idea to be extinguished immediately. The brunette forced herself to tear her eyes away from Jasper and look to Carlisle with pleading eyes. "I can't leave him here. He'd never go to Jacksonville," she said, looking to Esme as well.

* * *

Carlisle's suggestion made his shoulders tense. Jasper didn't like it at all. He understood the logic behind it; with Bella in Jacksonville, the newborns wouldn't be able to find her. her scent would come to a halt once she took off in the airplane that would take her across the country. She would be safe from harm, and they wouldn't have to worry about losing her in the battle. But he didn't want her to go to Jacksonville. He couldn't personally protect her that way, and there was no one else in this world he trusted enough to fulfill that responsibility. His reasons were mostly selfish, though. Along with keeping her at home, he wanted to be able to be the one she fell asleep curled up against, he wanted to be able to open doors for her, kiss her, help her out of the car, hold her. He needed her here.

Jasper met her gaze immediately, sharing a silent , brief moment of understand, before turning back to Rosalie. She'd noticed his look to Bella, and her returned gaze. It hit her then, the final piece in the puzzle of what Jasper was doing with his time lately.

"Oh, be a little more obvious about it," she said, rolling her eyes.

Jasper looked at Rosalie with feigned innocence. "What are you talking about?" He asked.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Oh please, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I saw the way you looked at Bella just now. Not to mention she's covered in your scent, and you spend all your time at her house. I can put two and two together."

Jasper gave a low, warning growl. "That's none of your business, Rosalie."

"This is absurd, and I want no part in it. Talk about whatever you want. I'm done here," Rosalie growled, then turned away from them all. She gave Bella a nasty glare, then stormed out of the room.

Emmett gave an apologetic smile and silently contemplated whether he should stay or go. Unfortunately his mind was a bit preoccupied with the fact that Jasper was with Bella, like _that_. "Jas, are you.. with Bella? For real?" He asked.

Jasper sighed. "It's really no one's business but mine and Bella's. If she wishes to satisfy any curiosity, that is her will. I'm here to talk about the newborns, not my personal life."

Esme came to their rescue then. "Jasper, you don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. That goes for you too, Bella."

Carlisle tried to make the peace again between his children. He hated to see them fight. But in a way, it was probably good that Rose brought this up. It was something that did need to be addressed soon. "Bella," Carlisle said quietly. "Charlie will be taken care of."

He was trying to move on from having the focus of attention be on Bella and Jasper and back on the situation with the newborns. The head of the family had his suspicions about the two, and Esme was completely convinced. Emmett was dumbfounded, and Rose had just been angry, as was obviously on display just a moment ago.

* * *

It should have been no surprise that Rosalie would have a comment to offer up. But what _was_a slight shock was the nature of her commentary. Bella hadn't meant for it to be quite so obvious when she met Jasper's gaze immediately upon the suggestion of her leaving, but it had to have been. In his eyes, she saw the same look reflected in her own. If she could have seen it, then it was sure that any onlooker could have as well. For a moment, Bella looked like a deer in headlights – frozen, unsure what to do.

They were all going to find out sooner or later. The two of them would have been foolish to truly think otherwise. Jasper was always with her, both at night while he was with someone keeping guard over the house, and during the day when they would go on their outings or curl up in her room all day. She realized that it was clear that their relationship went much further than just him keeping her safe. Rosalie had a point as well about the scent, which Bella hadn't considered at first. Of course he had to smell like her. They were all over each other in one way or another, be it kissing or cuddling or the like. It would've been strong enough to linger when jasper made appearances back at his own home.

Bella was quiet, looking at each person when they spoke. She was relieved that Jasper kept his head. He always did. He always seemed to know just what to do. She felt guilty when she caused Rosalie to leave the room in haste, but she didn't say anything to stop her. Nor did she deny her accusations. Everyone believed it now. Some, like Emmett, didn't realize it before, but there was no mistaking that Jasper and Bella were together. Even though Esme assured them there was no need to talk about anything they didn't want to, by not saying anything, they were simply acknowledging the truth. Denying it would have been lying.

And Bella couldn't do that. She wouldn't disrespect what she had with Jasper by dirtying it with deceit and lies. Still, she was grateful when Carlisle turned the conversation back to the issue at hand. Clearing her throat, she collected herself.

"Charlie isn't any safer with me in Jacksonville than he is with me here," she said. "They know where I live. They have my scent. Which means they have Charlie's too. I don't doubt that you could protect him, but I also don't doubt that he'll be victimized because of me regardless of whether or not I'm in the same place."

Carlisle knew she had a point. But he also knew that without Bella, there would be one less human to worry about, one less to protect. He also knew that she wouldn't stand for doing nothing, which is why he wasn't surprised in what she said next.

"Please… Don't ask me to leave," she said. It wasn't a request, but more of a statement. Bella wasn't going to leave them. She wouldn't leave Jasper.

"Bella, it's not that we don't want you here," Esme interjected softly. "We just want you safe." To her, Bella was like one of her own children. She needed to keep her best interest at heart. But the kind-hearted woman also knew where Bella's heart _was_. It happened to be with a curly blond-haired son of hers.

"But I want you all to be safe too," Bella said, looking at each of them remaining. Her eyes lingered on Jasper. There was really no use in hiding it anymore. "And I won't know that if I'm not here."

* * *

The mere thought of Bella being a country's distance away made Jasper incredibly uneasy. If he couldn't have her close to him, how was he supposed to know she was all right? He wouldn't be able to sense her if she was that far away. He felt incredibly guilty for his thoughts, because they were not putting Bella's safety first. Even if he felt he could protect her better than anyone else, distance was her ultimate protector in this situation. He very nearly said that out loud, but when Bella stated she did not want them to ask her to leave, he kept his thoughts to himself. For him to speak about it probably would have just upset him anyway.

"We'll find a way to keep everyone safe," he said, though there was little emotion on his features. He was going to have to do a lot of strategic planning. The outlook of the situation was very grim, and every single odd was against their survival. He turned his gaze back to Bella, as he could feel her eyes on him. "We'll do whatever it takes."

Carlisle wanted very much to offer that Jasper take Bella away himself. Something told him she'd be more likely to go some place safer if Jasper was with her. But he just couldn't. As much as he wanted that for his son, they needed him here. He didn't want any of his children facing this threat and being placed in danger, or his wife for that matter. But there was no choice. They had to put a stop to this before it got any worse. The last thing they needed was for the Volturi to take notice and come in to take care of it themselves. It would be all too tempting for the vampire leaders to pay them a visit too, and Carlisle was certain that his family would be unlikely able to keep their tempers upon meeting them. He himself was even unsure he'd be able to resist lunging at them for taking his son and daughter.

"Very well," he said quietly."We'll find a way to keep Bella away from the fight." He frowned a little, as Rose could be heard outside the room muttering "that figures, put her above everyone else" before a door slammed.

"She'll come around," Emmett said, again looking apologetic.

Carlisle shook his head dismissively. Acknowledging Rose's outbursts would only fan the flame. "I have been contemplating it, and I feel we may need to reach out to the Wolves about the matter. They at least need to know that it was not us who killed Mr. Kline, and that we have not broken the treaty. The last thing we need is a war with them on top of what we have coming at us. We may.. need them, should our numbers be limited to the family alone. I will be reaching out to our cousins and some of my trusted friends, but I cannot guarantee their alliance. But the wolves, even if they detest our existence, will not want the vampire army coming here anymore than we do."

Jasper had to suppress a growl at the mention of the wolves, though he could not keep his lip from curling into a half snarl. "Let's exhaust our other options before we go running to them for help. I agree, informing them of our innocence in the murder of that man is vital, but I believe for now they should be limited in their knowledge of the situation."

Esme moved to place an arm gently around Bella's shoulders. She knew this must be very difficult for her to hear, and completely understood. Quite often she felt helpless, as she knew she was not as strong of a fighter as her children and husband. The fact that she couldn't protect them by herself was heartbreaking for the vampire mother. "Perhaps we could stage an occurrence out of town when the time comes that will take Charlie out of town? We wouldn't have to worry about his safety if we knew he was out of the line of fire."

Jasper nodded, though he was starting to get overwhelmed. They were all looking at him to have the answers of how to defeat this army and deal with all the situations being thrown at them one after another. He didn't _have_all the answers and more and more conflicts and questions kept arising. It was stressing him further and all he really wanted to do was leave. "I'm going to need some time to assess the situation," he finally said through clenched teeth. "I realize that time is something we don't have a lot of, but I.. I just need a moment to figure out how best to handle this. Carlisle, if you want to get in touch with the the wolves' leader, that might be the most important step to take first to keep them off our backs. Again, I would highly suggest limiting their knowledge for the time being. I just need a moment to absorb all of this."

Carlisle nodded. He knew this had to be very stressful and that they were putting a lot of pressure on Jasper, but he was their best chance for getting through this. "Of course, Jasper. Esme? Perhaps while I notify the leader of the wolves, you'd be good enough to start pulling contact information of some of our friends. We can work in the kitchen. And Emmett, it might be a good idea to find Rosalie before she slams every door in the house."

"Right," Emmett replied, grunting a bit before exiting after his parents.

When the doors closed and Jasper and Bella were alone, he brought a hand to his face and rubbed his eyes. "I'm sorry, Bella," he said softly. "I'm so sorry."

* * *

There was a slight feeling of relief when Carlisle finally agreed that Bella could stay. But it was just that – slight. There was a downside to being able to stay with them as this all transpired. She would be right there to know – to _see_ - if something happened to hurt any of them. She would see if Jasper was hurt. The thought was unbearable and yet, _avoiding_it would have been just as painful. It was a no-win situation that they were getting into.

When Carlisle made the suggestion of involving the wolves, Bella immediately tensed again. First, it was on account of the fact that she didn't want to put _them_in any danger in addition to the Cullen's – her family. Then, she remembered how strongly there was a hatred for the vampires within the pack and she knew it wouldn't be easy to convince them. But, in this, she saw an opportunity where she could have at least been of some help.

"I can help with that," she said. "I can talk to talk to them and explain the situation better," she assured them.

Bella vowed to. She knew that coming from her, the pack would be more likely to listen to the threat as opposed if it only came from Carlisle. It was only a small part, but it would make Bella feel as if she were of some use to the situation. She felt as if she could at least to make a strong attempt, despite not knowing if the wolves would agree or if it would work out in their favor.

Looking to Jasper though when he spoke told her that he was not a supporter of that idea. She saw the way his expression changed into one of malice momentarily at the mention of an alliance with the pack. But Bella's attention was drawn away by Esme when the woman put her arm around her and made a suggestion for keeping Charlie safe. Her face lit up at the idea and she nodded, grateful for Esme's thinking.

"I would appreciate that," she said. And she would. Perhaps more than anyone else could understand.

But her relief at the idea of Charlie's safety was replaced when Jasper spoke up and she could feel as well as see the tension he was struggling with. She wanted nothing more than to go to him, pull him close to her and make it easer. Bella wanted to kiss him and stroke his hair and assure him that everything would be all right, even if she knew there was a strong likelihood that it wouldn't be. When the rest of them left, though, all she did was move beside him.

Sitting on the arm of the chair he was in, she shook her head when he needlessly apologized to her. "Jasper, you have nothing to be sorry for," she assured him.

She couldn't help it and reached out to take his free hand, pulling it into her lap and covering it with both of hers. Bella didn't say anything else, but she could feel every hint of his emotions through his touch. Everything was weighing so heavily on his shoulders, so many eyes looking to him for the answers to such a seemingly impossible fate. She could feel his distress, his worry, his anxiety. There was only one thing she could do – counter all of them.

Putting aside her own worries and fears and doubts, she concentrated positive emotions at him. It wasn't exactly an easy thing to do to remain positive in such a situation, but Jasper came first. He was her first priority. He was what mattered most. And so Bella gave it a hell of a lot of effort. All she had to do was look at their fingers when she laced hers together with his. The perfect way they fit despite being so different made it so much easier to express other things – hope and more importantly, love. That was one thing that Bella knew she could do. She might not have been able to fight, but she would fight to let Jasper know every single second that she loved him.

* * *

Jasper immediately laced their fingers when she took his hand. He felt he had quite a few things to apologize for. He was sorry for Rosalie's atrocious attitude, he was sorry for not being able to hide his concern for her better which led to the family finding out about them, he was sorry for the situation in general. He was most sorry for his selfish desires to keep her here instead of enduring the hear break of sending her away to safety.

"Bella, I have plenty to be sorry for. I should have agreed with Carlisle and asked you to go back to Jacksonville. It's only because I want to be with you and protect you myself that I did not plead for you to go. I know it would hurt you too, to ask you to go so far away. I just.. I'm sorry that I'm putting my emotions before your safety."

He sighed and leaned his head against her arm, soaking in the calm she was radiating for him. It was peaceful, making him think about how much he loved her, and recalling happier moments. He was imagining they were at the beach, building sand castles. He was thinking about curling up with her on her couch while she slept in his arms. He was thinking about Gone with the Wind. None of them were things he should have been thinking about, which would have been strategies for the impending war. He just couldn't bring himself to do that right now when all he wanted to do was lose himself in her.

Jasper turned his head to kiss her arm, then brought one of her hands to his lips and kissed the back of it. "We're going to probably have to spend more time here for a while," he finally said, after a long silent moment of just savoring her sweetness and calm. "My plot maps of the city and state are here, and I'm going to have to have frequent talks with Carlisle."

Of course, that meant having time alone together was going to be very difficult to achieve. Even talking to each other would be difficult, as everyone in the house would be able to hear them without straining. "Don't worry, I'm going to include you in all the planning so you're not left in the dark about anything. I feel you have every right to know what's going on."

The problem was that with him here, it left Bella's home unguarded for a good portion of the time. He would still take Bella back at night and stay with her, but he was going to have to ask one of the family members to stay there when he couldn't be. "I should get you home," he said quietly. "It's been a long day for you, I'm sure."

* * *

"Jasper," she started. "If you're guilty of that, then I am too. I know it would probably be best for me to go back to Florida. But… I can't stand the thought of not knowing what's happening. I'm the only who is responsible for this. I'm the cause," she said, holding up a hand in case he tried to protest.

They'd had similar conversations before and it wasn't so farfetched of an idea that he would at least try to keep her from blaming herself. "Rosalie…. She was right," she said, a hint of defeat in her tone. "There is nothing I can do to help. I'm utterly useless in this situation. That said, I _know_I should go back to Jacksonville and just stay out of the way. When I'm around, I seem to only make it worse." She paused, stroking a hand through his hair. "But I won't let you all fight because of me when I'm settled somewhere safely. I'm not going to do that."

Bella paused again, letting him speak. She nodded when he said they would have to spend more time at the Cullen home. It hasn't been quite as difficult as Bella had thought it would have been. One of the reasons, she guessed, was because while it was a place that was full of memories. It was not the only one. Her bedroom had been the source of many as well and yet, it was where she and Jasper spent a lot of their time together. Aside from that, she understood that it was necessary that he work where he could. She wouldn't interfere with that, nor would she protest it. She just didn't want to be left in the dark and thus, she was grateful for him telling her that he wouldn't do that to her. Hearing it aloud was reassuring and Bella trusted Jasper's word. She was sure that he would be honest with her – he always was.

"I appreciate that," she told him.

She nodded when he told her that he should be taking her back to her own house. It _had_ been a long day, one with twists and turns that were anything but positive. She felt a little bit better knowing that (for the most part) the Cullen's were on her side about staying and doing what they could to make it happen. Rosalie, of course, was another story. But she always would be. Still, Bella felt as if she needed to confess something else.

"You know," she said, leaning her head against his and dropping her voice lower to a whisper. "You're the main reason I want to stay." And he was. "I know it's… it's selfish of me too, but the thought of being away from _you_…" She shook her head and trailed off, not needing to finish the statement. He would know. He would understand.

"I'm sorry if I made it a little bit obvious about the state of us," she said referring to the way her attention immediately focused on his upon the suggestion of her leaving the whole way across the country. "But… I couldn't help it. You were the first thing in my mind," she whispered against the side of his face.

She didn't know if the others in the house would be able to still hear her with their auditory skills, but this was only meant for Jasper. She kissed his temple, continuing to run her fingers through his hair a moment longer to soothe him as she finished. "I know you were expecting to be bombarded with questions about us." Her tone was apologetic, still quiet. It _was_ better that it was no longer secretive. But Bella wasn't sure this was the best time for it to be unraveled.

* * *

It was good that she stopped him from speaking by holding up her hand, otherwise Jasper would have definitely fought her on the issue. He did not think she was the cause of this at all. It wasn't her fault that Victoria was set on revenge. She did nothing wrong or to provoke that. Furthermore, that weren't even completely certain that it was Victoria in the first place. It was highly likely that it was, but there was still the the chance that this could be a rogue vampire trying to gain power and territory. He'd never heard of it happening up north before, but with so much of the south still claimed, it made sense for vampire armies to assemble in new areas.

One thing he did protest, however, was when she said she was worthless and unable to help in the situation. "Bella, you are never worthless," he said softly, taking the hand she held up to him and kissing her knuckles. "You must not realize just how much you do for me. You're helping me now, just by sitting here with me. Your presence is just so soothing. I already feel so much more relaxed than I did before. You don't make things worse by being around. You make everything better."

Jasper turned his head towards hers and gazed at her, listening as she continued to speak. It made him feel good that she wanted to stay and had thought of him, but it also made him feel guilty. If not for him, she'd be safely on her way back to Jacksonville.

As she apologized for the revealing gaze they shared before, Jasper just shrugged his shoulders. "You were the first that came to my mind as well," he said quietly. "That's why I looked at you. It was a reflex."

He knew that no matter how hard they tried to be quiet, anyone who wasn't going out of their way to ignore them would be able to hear. He just hoped that the rest of the family was distracted, either by contact information, a bad attitude, or trying to cheer up the one with a bad attitude. Though they were out in the open with it now, Jasper didn't think it was any of their concern.

He leaned his forehead against hers and sighed softly. He loved how it felt when her fingers ran through his hair. The back of his head was especially sensitive, so when she would brush her fingers against him there, he shivered. "I'm almost glad that they know. We don't have to hide anything while we're here."

He smiled weakly, but it was a smile nonetheless. He could feel she was relived at the idea of going back to her house, so he smiled and stood up, then helped her up too. "Don't worry about any of it right now," he said softly. "It's just us, together. Nothing else, and no one, can come between that."

* * *

**Author's Note:** You've been wondering what the Cullens reactions to Bella and Jasper's relationship was and now you have a bit of that. Obviously, it went over better with some rather than others. The next chapter has more of Jasper and Jake's tension at an all-time high, a trip to the carousel, and Bella getting a little brave with putting the moves on Jasper along with the consequences. It'll be a good one! Stay tuned. Cheers!

**Lyrics:** Emilie Autumn - God Help Me


	14. Chapter 14

_When she says she wants somebody else_  
_I hope you know that she doesn't mean you._  
_And when she breaks down and makes a sound_  
_You never hear her the way that I do ;;_

Bella didn't want to deal with more negativity. It seemed, though, that it wished to deal with her. Specifically, with her and Jasper together. After the meeting at the Cullen's when there was a murder in Forks, Carlisle kept his word about getting in contact with the wolves. He respected Jasper's wishes and did not yet ask them for an alliance with the pack, but he stressed the importance of what was happening closer to their town now. It was vital that the pack understand that the Cullens were not the ones responsible for the deaths and that any ideas of such a thing be extinguished immediately. Breaking the treaty would not end well for any of the parties involved and those in La Push couldn't start pointing any fingers in order to maintain that upstanding agreement.

But even if the good doctor seemed to do his part as far as convincing them was concerned, Bella knew they would still be apprehensive. Even though Jasper told her that she was worth something just by being with him, she still felt as if she had to do _more_. She wanted to do something that would benefit everyone, not just Jasper, even though he was first and foremost to her. As mentioned when they all met in Carlisle's study, she thought she could do this by talking to the pack. At the very least, she could talk to Jacob and be able to get some sort of understanding on where the Cullen coven stood in their eyes in light of the imminent danger on the town of Forks. She was determined to somehow help in this way – by being a connection between the two forces, a neutral one that could mediate if need be and act as a messenger of sorts.

So, one day when Jasper was hunting, Bella decided that it would be a good time to pay a visit to La Push. She knew that Jake was still hurt about being pushed out the last time that he'd planned to spend some time with her, but he still agreed to see her. While she did plan on talking to him about his thoughts on the recent killing and the conversation that Carlisle had with Sam, Bella was also just happy to spend time with him. Their day, though she wondered how well Jasper would have approved, was spent riding their motorcycles. It had been a long time since Bella got on her bike, but it felt nice to start up the practice again. While she was no longer in need of doing it because it was dangerous; in fact, she would rather have avoided that part of it. She was simply doing it because it was something she _liked_. To her, it was fun and it was something that she and Jake had shared and bonded over.

The day hadn't ended as well as she would have thought, though. At the mention of the Cullens and the conversation that Carlisle had with the pack leader, Jacob's mood switched off completely. But he was less concerned with what Bella was actually referring to – the pack's thought about the possible army of newborn posing a threat – and much more intent on voicing his opinion about what he'd seen last time he showed up at Bella's house. It was as if she'd opened a floodgate and every ill feeling Jake had been holding against Jasper came spilling forth in a fury. Bella could hardly get a word in edgewise while the boy went on a rampage about 'that filthy leech' and how he was 'taking advantage' of Bella by guarding her house and getting a lot more out of the deal.

What started out as a pleasant day turned sour immediately after that. The two of them got into a heated argument. Bella didn't often get angry with Jake, but when he continually put down the man that she loved, there was no chance that she could remain calm. Putting an abrupt end to their time together, she turned on her friend, telling him that she was leaving as soon as Jasper came to get her. Pulling out her cell phone, she called to see if he was anywhere close yet. She didn't give him any details of why she wanted to leave so suddenly, but her tone read into the fact that something had happened and it was serious. All she wanted to do was get as far away from Jacob as possible as _soon _as possible. She wanted Jasper.

"Stop following me, Jacob!" she hissed, walking faster toward the border of the reservation. She planned to walk as far as she could until Jasper came. Just as long as it was away from Jake. But Jake was persistent and he wasn't about to give up. If anything, his determination continued to grow with every step Bella took.

"It's _his_ kind that's responsible for these people getting murdered, Bells! I don't know why the hell you're constantly _with_ him. He's just waiting for the right time to strike. I bet a million bucks _you're _going to be the next-"

"Shut up," Bella snarled, walking faster with her arms tightly crossed over her chest.

Jake was quick to follow though. "All it's gonna take is another paper cut. One little _drop_ of your blood and you'll get a first hand account of just how _friendly _that damn leech plans to be."

"That's enough, Jacob!" Bella shouted as she spun on her heel to let him face her fury head on. "I'm so sick and tired of you saying-"

But she wasn't given the chance to finish. When she'd turned, Jake took advantage and when she was caught off guard, he caught her in his arms and crushed his lips to hers before she even had a chance to realize what happened.

* * *

Jasper always felt more at ease around Bella after he'd hunted. He felt less on edge, and was able to relax more in her presence when he'd temporarily satiated his thirst. So he'd gone hunting, having left that morning and spent the day having his fill on some of the wild life he came across along the way. The only thing missing from his trip? His family. Jasper had always felt like the token outcast of the family, and while that was mostly self-imposed, he recently felt it even more.

After the outing of his and Bella's relationship, Rosalie wouldn't even look at him, which made it difficult for him to spend any time with Emmett. Jasper understood; Rosalie was his wife, and Emmett had to make her his priority as well as keep her as close to being happy as possible for the sake of everyone else in the house. Carlisle and Esme weren't excluding Jasper from anything, but Jasper didn't want to talk about the situation. Esme over compensated by wanting to hug him a lot, or ask him about his day. It was just a little too much for Jasper right now. With Carlisle, he just spoke to him about possible tactics for handling the newborns. So, he'd gone hunting by himself. It wasn't terrible; Jasper had been on his own hunting schedule more often than not recently with how often he stayed with Bella.

When he received Bella's phone call, he'd just finished cleaning himself up at the house after returning from his brief trip. He hadn't understood why there was such urgency in her voice at the time, but it was enough for him to sprint to his car and tear off at full speed to get to her. He hadn't been happy with the idea of her going to La Push in the first place. It was no secret that he couldn't stand Jacob and knowing that she was going to be with him all day had made Jasper a little extra ruthless with his prey throughout his trip. Now that Bella had called requesting he pick her up immediately, Jasper was left to wonder what the hell Jacob had done to upset her. But mostly, all he could think about was getting to her and making sure she was all right.

* * *

Jacob, on the other hand, could only think of making Bella see his point. Why was she so head over heels for this blood-sucking family? They'd all abandoned her, left her broken and he'd been the one to pick up the pieces and make it all better. He'd been the one to make her smile again! So why did she have to go running back to them the second they came back to town? With Edward gone, that should have left no one in the way for him to be with Bella. And the way the blonde one looked at her made him sick. What was he trying to do? Compensate for almost eating her? What a joke. He was no good for her. He'd probably been the one to murder that man and the family was trying to cover it up. They probably lied to Bella too, in order to have her do their dirty work and play the middle man so she'd talk to the pack.

All the of the day's happy moments went through the window when she mentioned them. And all Jacob could do was try his hardest to convince her that they were horrible creatures and she was better off staying away from them. She wasn't having it, and he was growing more and more desperate by the minute. After Bella called the unstable leech to come get her, Jake panicked. He started ranting about Jasper, reminding her of how unpredictable and dangerous he was. When that didn't work, he pulled out all the stops. In a last ditch effort to make her his, he grabbed her and kissed her intensely.

* * *

Jasper had gotten to La Push pretty quickly. He had to wait on the outskirts, but got as close as he could to the border. Waiting for her was the hardest part. He just needed to see that she was okay, to know that she wasn't hurt, and he'd calm down. What he witnessed was nothing of the sort. More than anything, he could _feel_ them. Bella was extremely uncomfortable and angry. Jacob was angry and desperate. That told Jasper that clearly the dog had done something to upset her, and that did not sit well with him at _all_. He didn't need a reason to hate Jacob, but he was getting them more and more by the second. He could hear everything being said, how Jacob was telling her that Jasper was no good for her, that he was a liability. Jasper already knew that about himself. He didn't need a dog to remind him of that. The fact that Jacob wasn't backing off after Bella asked him several times to leave her alone, was infuriating. Had he no respect for women at all?

The nail in Jacob's coffin came next.

He kissed her. He kissed Bella. He _forced himself _on her. Jasper had been out of his car waiting for her when he arrived. He was leaning against the door, forcing himself to stay still so he didn't sprint over the border to try to find her. When he saw Jacob kissing her, he was gripping the top of the door so tightly, he dented it. He dented Annabelle. He couldn't handle it. Jasper ran at the border and stopped just short of crossing it. The only reason he stopped was for Bella. He would have lunged at Jacob otherwise, border be damned, but since the dog was holding Bella he stopped. Jasper growled at him and narrowed his eyes.

* * *

When he heard the leech coming, Jacob stopped kissing Bella, but held onto her tightly. He growled back at Jasper and very nearly phased on sight. The only reason he didn't, like Jasper, was because Bella was in his arms.

"You see?" He snarled through his teeth. "He's a danger to everyone!"

* * *

Furious wasn't the word. Angry didn't even brush the surface. Bella was _pissed_.

It took her by surprise when Jacob was so forward with her and took charge a situation that she most certainly didn't want to find herself in. She didn't have even a half a second to react before his mouth was against hers, literally stealing her of her breath. It took even less than that, though, for her anger to set in. Immediately she reacted, though there wasn't much she could do considering Jacob's strength, both his physical strength and the strength of his determination to make her see that he was the one she should have been with, and his frustration that he wasn't already. He'd wound a hand into her hair to keep her face close to his and his other arm was wrapped around her waist to pull her flush against him.

Bella couldn't move, but that didn't mean she didn't try. She squealed with detest when Jake's lips moved over hers and her hands pushed against his chest. Jake, of course, didn't budge no matter how hard she tried. The only thing that could have been possibly any worse about this situation became known as soon as there was the sound of a car and a growl shortly to follow.

Jasper. Jasper was there and witnessing what was happening.

Though it wasn't any sort of benefit to the situation considering it was something that Bella would never want Jasper to have to see such a thing (let alone have it occur at _all), _ Bella felt some kind of relief. His presence at least caused Jacob to stop kissing her. Gasping for a breath of air, she noted how much her lips burned. It had been like putting her mouth against an open flame to be so forcefully kissed in such an unwanted manner.

Jacob, though, still had the audacity to not let her go. Even worse, he blamed _Jasper_, named _Jasper_ as the villain. "Jacob…" she hissed, still catching her breath. "I swear to God if you don't let me go right now, _I'm _going to be the biggest danger to you."

Her tone was livid, dripping with anger. But Jake didn't even seem to hear her. He was too busy staring down the vampire who'd arrived on the scene and interrupted his attempt to win over Bella. Instead, his hold on her only tightened despite her warning, subconsciously trying to protect her from the intruder.

"Jake, stop! You're hurting me!" she protested, wincing when his arms tightened around her.

* * *

He obviously didn't know of his strength and how it affected someone who was so much more fragile in comparison. But her words had gotten through to him, which Bella had hoped they would. The last thing Jake wanted to do was _hurt _her and so the words struck him back into realization. That, paired with the slight sting against his forearms that he noted when he looked down. Bella, unable to do anything else, dug her fingernails into his skin and scratched his arms to try and get him to loosen them. When the wolf saw, he released his grip on her enough for her to wriggle out of his grasp. As soon as she did, his dark eyes snapped back to the leech again, a growl again emitted from his throat.

Bella, stumbling away from Jake after her feeble attempts to strategize a method of escape had been rewarded, couldn't turn away fast enough to get to Jasper. She reached him and immediately threw her arms around him. It was _not_ like Bella to be so dependent, so reliant on a person in such a desperate manner of display. But she needed him. She needed to feel safe and protected by _him _after the horror of what just happened.

The reaction was enough to make Jacob snap enough to push him over the edge. He phased with another growl, angry at himself for getting distracted for a moment long enough to send her running right back into that leech's arms. He was foaming at the mouth in anger, ready to pounce on the bloodsucker in a split second had Bella not been clinging to him. He was beginning to contemplate ways to still rip him to shreds without hurting her when he watched her react again.

"Jasper," she said firmly, her voice still shaking with anger. "Jasper let's go," she urged, pushing him gently back toward Annabelle. She didn't wait for him to open the door for her this time. Instead, she opened his driver side door and slid in that way so she could keep a hold on his arm the entire time and make sure he wasn't about to attack Jacob.

"Please," she pleaded. "Let's leave."

* * *

Jasper was livid.

He wasn't sure when the last time was that he'd been so infuriated, and he didn't care. All he could think about was getting Bella as far away from Jacob as he could. That, and ripping the dog apart limb from limb with his teeth. When Bella announced that Jacob was hurting her, it was all Jasper could do _not _to fulfill his thoughts and rip Jacob's arms off him right then and there.

Somehow, she managed to get free and as soon as he was able, Jasper wrapped his arms around her and held her against him. She smelled horrible; the scent of dog was extremely potent, but he didn't give a damn. He had her with him again, and she was away from that bastard. The _nerve_ of him holding Bella like that as a _shield _to keep him from attacking. How much lower could one get? Using a lady as cover? The only reason he didn't kill him was because of Bella. He wouldn't do something so violent in front of her.

Unlike Jacob, Jasper shifted Bella around to put himself between her and the dog as they moved towards the car. He refused to turn his back on Jacob, because he didn't trust him in the slightest. He'd wanted to answer Bella's pleas with comforting words, but vocabulary escaped him at this point in time. All he could do was growl in Jacob's direction. He didn't even flinch when Jacob phased. He'd been expecting it. Jasper did not hesitate to show his deadly white teeth, snarling right back at him, unafraid. But he knew Bella wanted to leave, and that was probably the best course of action. Once she got into the car he followed suit and shut his freshly dented door. He turned the car back on, and sped off and away from the border.

Even when they'd put some distance between themselves and the border, Jasper was still beyond angry. He was gripping his steering wheel so tightly, it was stressing the finish. Had he gripped any tighter it would have snapped by now. His jaw was clenched, his eyes were narrowed, and he was not breathing. He was even angrier right now than he'd been when he fought the newborn. The only time he took a breath, was when he needed to supply air to growl. He wanted to ask how she was, if she was okay or if she was still hurting from where Jacob had squeezed her so tightly, but he just couldn't speak. He was so upset, that he felt opening his mouth would just make everything worse.

* * *

To an onlooker, it would have looked like the two of them had just gotten into an all-out war with one another and the anger lay between them in the car as they drove away. But Jasper and Bella weren't angry with one another. They were both angry at the same situation, the same _person_more specifically. Bella couldn't even tell the difference in their moods anymore, where her anger started and where Jasper's began, considering they were both exuding the powerful emotion above anything else.

Bella couldn't remember the last time she was genuinely _mad_. It could be sure, however, that this was a time when the emotion was at the highest it had ever been for the girl. It seemed to have snowballed. From the second she brought up the Cullen's, Jacob didn't let her have a breather. He instantly started in on verbally bashing the people she loved, one in particular whom she loved the very most. It hadn't been enough just to state his opinion though. He had to take it to a physical level. Bella didn't know what he thought he was going to accomplish by kissing her like that. Surely he already knew that she was pissed at him for the way he was acting – she'd called Jasper immediately to come get her. But that hadn't stopped him. She wondered if he'd even thought for a second about how she would react. Did Jake truly think that she would _want_ him to advance on her like that? Did he think that she would _enjoy _that? If either had been in his thought process, he would have been so far off the mark.

It was bad enough that it angered her. It was bad enough that it happened to begin with. But it made it a hundred times worse that Jasper was subject to witnessing the entire thing. She didn't doubt that Jake knew he was close, knew that he would see it. Maybe that's why the dark-haired boy kissed her to begin with – he wanted to get a reaction from Jasper. But if anything could cause her anger to double, it was the fact that Jasper was hurt in the process. He had to _see_ it. Bella would have told him about it for certain. But somehow she thought it was much worse that he had to bear witness to the display. A part of her, because she _was_so mad, wished he would have just took a shot at Jake, roughed him up for what he did. She wouldn't have minded taking a couple of bruises if it meant that the wolf would be put in his place. They would have been better sores than the way her ribs ached from where Jacob squeezed her so possessively.

No matter how angry Bella was though, she knew she had to calm down. At least, she had to calm down enough to focus on Jasper. When she looked over at him, she was almost taken aback by his expression. She would have been had she not probably held the same one a moment before. His eyes were narrowed into slits and they looked dark despite being a vivid gold from his very recent hunting trip that morning. His knuckles looked paler than usual, gripping the wheel so tight that Bella really did have to wonder how it was holding up against his strength. He wasn't speaking and for awhile, she didn't either, unsure of what she could possibly say. When he growled however, she knew she had to say _something _to at least try to calm him.

"Jasper, you're hurting Annabelle," she said, her voice sounding somehow strange the first time it was used after speaking so angrily before. She uncrossed her arms from her chest and put a hand on his leg, rubbing his thigh gently.

"Let's go to our carousel," she said. It would be a place where he could calm down. There was nothing but happy memories there, nothing that Bella thought could anger him further.

* * *

The fact that he could feel how furious Bella was about the whole thing wasn't helping him to calm down. It wasn't her fault; she had every right to be angry. He just knew he needed to calm down or else he might either turn the car back around and run over Jacob, or break the car in the process of driving. The nerve that Jacob could do something like that to a lady was bad enough. The fact that the lady was _Bella_had made it infinitely worse. Jasper couldn't stop replaying the situation in his mind, which certainly wasn't making it any better either.

He just needed to focus on the road. It would do them no good if he wrecked the car and hurt Bella. He just.. needed to think about something else. But how could he? What Jacob did was unforgivable. Jasper tensed further at first when he felt her hand on his leg. He realized an instant later that it was Bella touching him and the tension melted away. He could feel that she was trying to calm herself down, and that made him feel a little guilty because he knew she was probably trying to do that for him.

"I already dented her," he said quietly, keeping his eyes on the road. "You don't have to repress your anger for my sake, Bella."

Jasper turned the corner and started on the route that would take them to their sanctuary as she requested. He wasn't sure if he was going to be able to calm himself down anytime soon. There seemed no end to his anger, but he knew that if there was anyone who could make the anger go away, it was Bella. The problem was that she shouldn't have to be trying to make him feel better. _He_ should be the one helping her. _She _was the one who had been violated and yet she was trying to help him calm down? There was something very wrong with that. But Jasper simply could not help it right now. He knew he had aggression issues that went beyond a normal vampire but that shouldn't be Bella's problem.

He fed off of her calm, feeling selfish for it, but it was enough for him to loosen the hold he had on the steering wheel and the anger on his face to shift into a neutral expression. Jasper didn't say anything else for the rest of the drive, but he did manage to find her hand and hold it in one of his. Once they reached the fairgrounds, he parked the car and shut off the engine, then let go of her hand. He got out, then walked to her side and opened the door, taking her hand once more to help her out of the car. Once she was out, he shut the door and started walking with her towards the carousel. It wasn't until they were both sitting in the carriage that he spoke again.

"Are you all right?" He asked, choosing his words carefully. If he'd asked if Jacob hurt her, and she said yes, he would've gotten back into his car and hellfire wouldn't have been able to stop him from going all the way back to La Push and killing Jacob himself.

* * *

Bella couldn't decide if it was better that he took her hand or if it was worse. On one account, he was able to hold it which always made her feel good at the way it provided comfort, a reminder that he was close by. But on the other hand, when she touched him, she could feel exactly how deep his anger ran. Or at least, she could get a better idea of it. The fact that he was so upset by it was not something that was lost on her, but she hated that something that _never_should have happened in the first place was the cause of it. It hadn't helped that he confessed to already damaging his car, one of his most prized possessions on account of what he'd witnessed. Bella made a silent reminder to herself to help pay for that at least. It was the least of what she could do.

Even though he told her that she didn't need to suppress her anger, for once, Bella didn't listen to him. She couldn't let him feel what she was feeling. Not on top of the emotions that were already swelling within him. Bella wouldn't burden him in such a manner. That was why when he asked if she was all right, she lied. It wasn't a drastic one, but it was still untruthful. Bella was awful at fibbing and knew that he would probably be able to see right through her, but it didn't matter. Like always, Jasper came first in her eyes. To her, he was always the top priority. He didn't need to be worrying about her right now.

"I'm fine," she said, clenching her jaw when she'd spoken and taking her eyes away from him to examine the new surroundings of their carousel. It was difficult to fib about this one too, when really, her anger was bubbling just beneath the surface.

Jake _had _hurt her too with the way his arms wound around her so tightly to keep her close to him, but there was no way Bella would volunteer that to Jasper. It would only anger him further she guessed and right now, her main concern was getting him to calm down.

"Don't worry about me," she assured him, gently rubbing his arm.

She tried to think of how she could soothe him when she couldn't just rely on her emotions to do that on their own. She guessed that time would be the most important thing. He just needed time to separate himself from what happen and bring himself back to the present with her.

"C'mere," she said. "Lay your head down." She slid all the way to one side of the wide carriage so he would have enough room to rest his head in her lap.

When he complied, she gently stroked back the hair from his forehead. Bella didn't say anything for awhile, just thread her fingers through his soft curls. The action alone helped to calm her own self down and she hoped it was at least relaxing him a little bit. When she did finally speak, it was very softly.

"Thank you for coming to get me," she said, and it was evident how grateful she was for him in her tone alone.

* * *

He knew she was lying. Even without his power, he knew when Bella responded with 'I'm fine' that meant she wasn't telling the whole truth. He also knew that she didn't want to burden him; they were both very much alike in that way, though he wished she wouldn't feel as though she was ever a burden to him in any way at all. He really just needed to get a hold of himself and put his own anger aside, and focus on her.

Jasper would worry about her, and did so even as he laid his head down in her lap as she requested. It felt infinitely better as he rested with her. He was still angry, and his muscles were very tense for several minutes. But as she played with his hair and and brushed her fingers against his scalp, he started to unwind. Eventually he got to the point where he was comfortable enough to close his eyes. Blindly, he found the hand that wasn't in his hair and laced his fingers with hers, then brought that hand to his lips and kissed her fingertips.

"You don't have to thank me for that," he said quietly.

He was glad that she'd called him, really. It made him feel useful, that he could help her. Of course, he would have much preferred that it be under different circumstances that he'd gone to pick her up, but in her time of need, she'd called him. Jasper liked knowing she felt that way about him.

"Thank you for calming me down. I'm.. I'm still.. very angry. But being with you, like this, it's much easier to handle." He sighed softly and held her hand to his cheek. "I'm sorry. I should be taking care of you. This is terribly selfish of me."

He kissed her knuckles and sighed again. He was thinking more clearly now, and he was thoroughly enjoying the scalp massage she was giving him. He loved how it felt to have her fingers running through his hair and when she'd play with his curls. He could see the big picture now. Bella was safe, he had her near him, Jacob was not near, and he wasn't going to touch her again if Jasper had any say in the issue.

"That feels so nice, Bella," he murmured, nuzzling her hand. He'd gone from wanting to tear someone to shreds, to laying perfectly still and calm just from her touch.

* * *

It might not have been practical, but there was a small part of Bella that housed doubts about Jasper's perceptive of her feelings. It was silly to think that he could misinterpret her anger and his disgust with what happened, and yet, a worry existed that he would have the wrong idea about the situation. What if he thought that she wanted Jake to kiss her? What if Jasper thought it was something she enjoyed? Such things could not have been further from the truth and yet, it was such a sticky situation that involved very delicate things, that maybe there _was _some acceptability for her concerns. But Bella didn't know if she should bring these up. For one thing, if the thought hadn't crossed his mind about such wrongful things, then mentioning it might stir up such ludicrous ideas. The doubt may not have existed in him, but if Bella spoke of her worries, then she might be planting the seed. It was a risk she didn't want to take and yet, she was still concerned that he might have come to those conclusions on his own, despite them being false.

She just wished, more than anything, that she could have gone back in time to earlier that day when she and Jacob were having fun. If she hadn't brought up the situation about the newborns and the Cullen's, then she shouldn't have set him off and the day certainly wouldn't have come to such an abrupt, unpleasant end in the manner that it did. But there was no changing what happened and the consequences that followed. For one thing, it put a definite rift in their friendship. Bella was so angry with the fact that Jake hadn't listened to her and even worse, took advantage of a situation by putting her in one that she didn't – that he _knew _she didn't – want to be in. He was selfish. He even went so far as to hurt her physically with the possessive way he held her, although in being fair, Bella knew he would never have been for that to happen.

When Jasper had calmed, she felt a hundred times better. Every time his lips brushed against her hand, it took away a layer of stress. "Shh…" she uttered softly to stop him from apologizing.

He didn't need to be taking care of her. He just needed to let her look after him. She felt so much better knowing that she was able to do so. Bella could relate to this own thoughts of feeling good at being needed. That was how she felt as well – useful to him now, even if she knew there were so many other factors where she was unable to help anyone. Her fingers continued to weave through his hair, fingertips rubbing against his head gently. She smiled when he told her that it felt good and the sight of him with his eyes closed, looking so relaxed was one that would stick with her for a long time to come. Leaning down, she kissed him. It was brief, considering their positions didn't make his mouth very accessible to hers, but it was meaningful.

There was a hint of a selfish reasoning for kissing him then as well, aside from the fact that she just wanted to. But kissing Jasper took away the burn of the memory of Jacob's lips and the bitter taste they'd left on hers. Kissing Jasper made her temporarily forget about what happened. Kissing Jasper cured everything. Before sitting up, she kissed his nose, then his forehead as well.

"I think I've said it a thousand times, but I love this place." Her tone was quiet, dream-like almost as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wooden carriage, aimlessly twisting a blonde curl around her finger. This place, like Jasper's kiss, seemed to have healing powers.

* * *

Had he not been able to feel Bella's extreme discomfort and anger over Jacob kissing her, he might have wondered about the situation. He knew that Jacob had feelings for Bella that ran deeper than friendship, but he'd always felt as though Bella's were platonic for him in return. Part of him was glad that he'd been able to feel the emotions behind the situation. However, a bigger part of him was upset that she had be in the situation in the first place. Jasper never wanted her to feel like that again and if he had his say, she never would. He'd take care of her, and he'd make sure she never went through anything like that ever again.

When she leaned down to kiss him, Jasper turned his head to receive her kiss welcomingly. This had been the longest they'd gone without kissing for weeks, when they were in a position where they were able to. Her lips.. tasted funny. She still tasted like Bella, but there was a hint of something else on her lips that was abnormal. Jasper reasoned it was left over from Jacob's forced kiss. Jasper licked his own lips a couple of times but said nothing. He didn't want Bella subconscious about her lips. He laid there in her lap, letting her play with his hair, very content with this positioning.

"It's worth repeating, my love," he murmured, and curled up a little on the bench. He hugged her hand close to him, cradling it against his chest. Now that he'd calmed down, he was exuding only love from himself, with no more anger.

Jasper wasn't sure that he'd ever called her 'my love' before. He'd told her he loved her, but it was a little different to refer to her that way. He was voicing that he thought of her as his love, that she held his heart, however fragile it might be. She was the one he would've written home to in his human life, the one he would've been fighting to come home to. Now, she was his everything. There was nothing that could keep him away from her, to stop him from loving her with everything in him.

It was only after several more minutes had passed that Jasper sat up. With her hand still in his, he pulled her gently against him and wrapped his other arm around her. He wanted to hold her now. Jasper kissed the top of her head. He could still smell Jacob on her, though it was much more faint after riding in the car at such a high speed with the top down. But he hoped that if he held her close enough and kissed her enough, that his own scent would overpower Jacob's. He wasn't holding her tightly, as he did not want to put any pressure on her body had Jacob managed to bruise her anywhere. But he hoped that if she was sore, his icy temperature and firm body could serve as a cold compress of sorts to make her feel better.

"I really love this place," he whispered against her ear, then kissed her cheek.

* * *

The way he referred to her was not lost on Bella. His love. She could get used to that. It did so many strange – and yet, empowering- things. In the greatest extent of it, she felt _useful_, an idea she had touched upon before. Bella wasn't ever going to be able to fight beside the Cullen's physically. She was never going to be able to manage to take down a newborn, let alone a whole army of them. She wasn't even strong enough to push away an unwanted kiss when it happened. Bella wasn't extraordinary. Her grades were all right, her looks were mediocre at best, and she could hardly walk in a straight line without stumbling and falling over her own two feet. Athletics were a joke and on the complete other side of the spectrum, when it came to things like giving advice, she wasn't the best either. There were so many things that she possessed no sort of special talent for.

But this was something she _could_ do. It required no thought, no effort. It was not a skill, but it was also not necessary a reflex. Instinct perhaps, would be a word that was fitting in some regard. Easy, for certain. That thing – whatever name was given to it – was love. She could _love_ someone with her entire heart. One person in particular. Nothing could challenge that. No vampire, no werewolf, no human, no _anything_ could ever prevent her from that job. Jasper made her feel unlike anyone ever had before. He made her feel like she was _worth_ something. He erased her doubts and fear and concerns, a thought that still baffled her to no end. It was as if he held some sort of magic over her, cast a spell that rendered her useless to anything else except this one vital emotion. Love. _His _love. It was something she held onto with both hands and refused to let go of.

Jasper would never doubt how she felt about him. Bella would go beyond his ability to read her emotions. She would tell him every chance she had. She would look at him with eyes that spoke what words didn't have to. She would spend hours and hours doing whatever she could to assure him that her feelings for him would never waver.

Now would be a good indication. When he shifted and pulled her close to him, she closed her eyes and savored the way his breath tickled her ear when he whispered to her.

"This is the only place I ever want to be…. Just with you." Threading her fingers through his, she spoke quietly, brushing her thumb over the back of his hand. "This is the only hand I ever want to hold."

Burrowing her face against the side of his neck, she inhaled deeply, filling her senses with his sweet smell. "This is the only scent I even want to breathe." Her free hand lifted so that she could touch her fingertips to his lips, tracing them across the cool contours. "Just these," she whispered. "These are the only ones I want to kiss." Her fingers drifted down to pull his chin in so that she could meet him halfway with exactly that – another kiss.

There was no trace of anything but love in that kiss, the furthest away from the one Jake had initiated. It could be certain that he hadn't meant to – that he in fact, meant to do the exact opposite – but by kissing her, Jacob had only brought she and Jasper closer together. He only made it all the more clear that Bella's words to Jasper just now were the truth. There would never be anyone else. It would always, always just be him. Her Jasper. _Her_ love.

* * *

Every moment he spent with Bella, he got to know her better. The more he learned, the more he loved. Even when he did not think it possible for him to love her more, he surprised himself by falling deeper for her. This day was no different. Jasper felt his heart fill with love, making it considerably stronger. His heart, which was so fragile, seemed to be gaining strength everyday too. The more he loved her, the more he felt whole. Jasper needed her, and he needed to take care of her. They needed each other, and they would always have each other. It was an indescribably good feeling.

Jasper watched as she brushed her thumb over his hand, then burrowed her face in his neck, and touched his lips with her fingertips. He was completely taken with her and it showed in how adoringly he was gazing at her. She was voicing exactly what he felt in his heart. There was no one else he wanted to hold, kiss, touch, and love. Bella was his world. Nothing else mattered, so long as they had each other. He turned his head just a little as their lips met so he could kiss her deeply. It was soft, yet the obvious passion behind it gave his kiss much depth. He held her hand, their fingers interlocked. Jasper kept his arm around her, holding her against him as they kissed.

This was how it should be all the time. The two of them should've been able to retreat where they wanted, having their quality time together to be with one another and love each other freely. There shouldn't have been complications like newborn armies, Jacob the dog, and Rosalie. They should've just been able to be Bella and Jasper, able to give themselves to each other and not worry about anyone or anything else. Moments like this should've been an everyday occurrence, not something they had to plan and hope for. But that didn't mean he wasn't happy. Jasper was happier than he ever thought he could be.

He continued to kiss her, deepening the affectionate gesture and holding her a little closer. He wasn't going to trap her against him for fear of bringing back the memory of how Jacob crushed her body to his. He wanted her to be able to move if she wanted or needed to.

He kneaded his lips against hers, sighing softly. "I love you," he whispered against her lips, before kissing her deeply again.

Jasper needed this, needed her. And he needed to take care of her, to make sure she was all right after what had happened to her before with Jacob.

* * *

Jacob who? Bella didn't know of anyone by that name. The only name she could register was Jasper. Jasper, Jasper, Jasper. Her southern gentleman. Her soldier. And that was the only name that mattered. When he whispered that he loved her, it was like she could feel every syllable against her lips and with each one, her heart swelled a little more. It felt as if what happened before was just a distant memory, like it almost didn't even happen. Her thoughts were composed entirely of Jasper.

He might have been trying to be more cautious than he normally would have considering he feared striking a similarity to Jacob's brazen actions. But they could not have been compared to one another. While every bit of her had been screaming and fighting against Jake's unwanted intimate touch and forceful kiss, all of those bits craved being touched and kissed by Jasper. If anything, Bella felt as if he could never hold her tight enough. She always felt the desire to be close to him. She yearned for the intimacy of bolder embraces and hotter kisses with him. To her, Jasper would never be too much. She so much would have rather survived on his kisses and gentle, loving gestures as opposed to air or food or water.

So, when he deepened the kiss, she let him know that it was more than okay. Bella met his lips to share in the passion that was slowly being unveiled with every second that the kiss progressed. As far as temperature was concerned, Jasper's mouth was cold, and yet somehow, it was more heated than the searing one that Jacob's had felt like. It was because this was _real_ and it was requited. There was desperation there, but it was a different type than the type the wolf had been trying to convey. Jasper wasn't trying to win her over or keep her there. He wasn't trying to steal her away from anyone. He was just kissing her because he _wanted_ to. He wasn't trying to convince her of anything that she didn't already know. Bella could understand all of this because they were the same reasons she was kissing him back in the same manner. She _wanted_ him. She _loved _him. That was enough of a driving force.

Apparently so for it wasn't long before the brunette grew braver with her actions. She pushed herself closer against him, parting her lips beneath Jasper's. Her free hand moved to his cheek, brushing against the cool skin to the back of his neck to bring him closer if such as thing were possible. His taste was intoxicating, enough to where she felt like she needed more of it. Taking a second for a breath, Bella didn't waste longer than that before kissing him again, swiping her tongue against his lower lip experimentally. The chill nearly gave her a shock, but it was one she delighted in. She felt as if, as many times as it had happened before, that she were dizzy with Jasper.

* * *

Just as he thought before, he still believed that this was how things should be. They should be able to kiss, express their feelings for each other, and be together in every sense without incident. Unfortunately for them, this sort of thing had irreversible consequences that Jasper was not willing to make Bella pay for. It was the curse of him being a vampire and her a human. Their intimacy levels were severely compromised by his biological make up. Namely, his venom.

When he felt Bella brush her tongue along his lip, Jasper froze. He hadn't meant to tense, but he'd panicked for a moment after she got a little bolder with him. Jasper had wanted very much to progress further. There were many things he wanted to share with Bella, many actions he wanted to engage in, but he always had to hold back and be careful. If not for fear of breaking her bones in his grasp, then for something else that could've broken her. In this case? It was, again, his venom.

He sucked in a sharp breath and lightly pulled back from the kiss, putting a couple of inches between their faces. Jasper did not let go of her, but he knew he had to put a stop to that kiss, no matter how much he wanted to hold onto it for much longer.

"Bella," he murmured. "I'm sorry, I.." How could he make her understand without making everything completely awkward? He may have been charismatic, but this sort of thing was so delicate, he was terrified he'd screw up. "My venom.. I can't.. I can't kiss you that way, even though I want to so badly. But it would hurt you." He lightly stroked her back. "I'm sorry."

Jasper lowered his head, trying to fight off the feelings that he was a monster which were surfacing again. He felt horrible for having to tell her no. That was something he'd hoped he would never have to do. Bella should've been able to kiss him any way she wanted, just like any normal couple.

"I want this, you must be able to feel that. I just.. can't.. It could kill you. Bella, I can't lose you."

He let go of her hand so he could have both arms around her, and he was holding her close to him. "I can't control the venom in my mouth. It would just.. spread.. I'm sorry." He felt he was apologizing almost all the time, but that was because he constantly felt responsible for whatever the situation was.

* * *

Moments that she wished she could've taken back that day: Of course the entire ordeal with Jacob had been on that list, perhaps to the point where she wished she could have taken back the trip to La Push altogether. She never expected to take anything back with Jasper, though. Bella should have though, for her 'brave actions' landed themselves a spot on the list right underneath the others.

There had been no masking the way Jasper immediately tensed when she took things a step further. Bella felt it the second it happened. Everything that happened afterward was in a flurry. Her heart was struck with something like a sharp pinprick. _Rejection_. It came in a flash and with it came embarrassment of such an intensity that her cheeks literally almost hurt from burning so badly. She could hardly hear him when he tried to explain. The word 'can't' seem to stand out more than anything else. _I_ can't _kiss you. I _can't_ control the venom. I _can't _lose you. _Can't.

Bella was so humiliated. But it was her own fault. She already knew this. She _knew_ better. Why, even for a second, would she permit herself to forget that she wasn't allowed to be so brave? It might have felt exhilarating and exciting for the moment, but the repercussions were… well. Painful. The rejection of it, however necessary and completely unintentional on Jasper's part, shot right to the core of her. It brought back so many images, so many feelings of being pushed away by Edward. He'd done it for the same reason. He was only trying to protect her. He _had_ to protect her. But it was indeed a curse of the difference in species. Bella was only _human_. She was a human, teenage girl, and she was impossibly in love with a boy. It was so easy for her to forget that she couldn't do what she wanted to in order to express her emotions, but the moment when she was reminded of it, it was a harsh reality. What would happen the next time? When would she know that she needed to stop before she touched him a little bit lower? Pressed against him a little bit too much? Pulled at him a little too tightly? _How _would she know?

She would know when he told her to stop. Bella would know when she felt him tense in fear like she just did when they kissed. She'd know when he would start apologizing for things that he wasn't responsible for. Jasper wasn't at fault – not in the least. Bella was. She knew – she _knew_ - that it was too much, but she hadn't taken a second to think about it first. Shame was the reason her heart was swelling now and she had to swallow a lump in her throat. Jasper couldn't have known the nature of her previous relationship. He couldn't have known how much this would affect her, even though it was more than necessary. She wanted to explain it to him - _had _to, but she couldn't even speak at the moment.

How could she have been so _selfish_? She forced him into this position and was the only one to blame for the intensity of the embarrassment she felt. Bella managed to nod her head, but only to ensure that he knew she'd heard him. The real reason she was nodding was to agree with her own stupidity. For the moment, she couldn't even look at him for how embarrassed she felt. He had to have been so disappointed in her. He had to have been so put off with the fact that she couldn't even control herself for a single kiss. How could she face that? She would never be able to apologize enough for her weaknesses, especially if she was unable to say a word now.

* * *

The last thing in the world Jasper ever wanted to do was hurt her. He could feel her pain, her sense of rejection. He didn't understand where it came from, or why it was so deeply rooted, why she was so sensitive to this issue, but he knew that by stopping her he'd really struck a nerve. Since he did not know the underlying cause, he could only assume he was responsible. He felt terrible, even if what he'd done had only been to protect her. It wasn't because he didn't want it. He wanted that and so much more, he just didn't trust himself, and he also knew that there could be potentially disastrous results.

"Bella," he murmured her name, bringing one hand up to cup her cheek. "I'm sorry. Please, I don't want there to be any negative ties to this place - our place."

Jasper didn't know what to do to make that feeling of rejection go away. How could she know that even though he couldn't reciprocate those actions, that she'd done nothing wrong? He brought her chin up to have her look at him, and met her dark gaze with his golden eyes.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella," he said softly. "You did.. everything right. I wanted to keep going so much. The only thing I wanted more was to keep you safe. That was why I had to pull back. But.. But, Bella, you.. You have to know what you _do _to me.. How much I.." he swallowed, his own venom stinging his throat. "..desire you."

He had to find some sort of balance, some way that they could touch and kiss and express their desire for each other and minimize the risk of her getting hurt in the process. There would always be an element of danger, but that went hand in hand of him simply being in her presence.

"How can I best explain this..?" He frowned a little, trying to think of how she might understand what he wanted to convey to her. "Vampires don't have hormones. We can be physically attracted to our mates, but it isn't because of anything hormone driven. It has everything to do with how we make each other feel. Bella.. You must have some idea of what you do to me. I don't believe I've even tried to hide it."

He brought his forehead to hers. "Please know, that this has nothing to do with what you've done, and everything to do with what I'm afraid _I_ could do to you." He kissed both of her cheeks, then brought his forehead back to rest against hers again.

* * *

It would take some time to get used to this. Bella wasn't expecting Jasper to be quite so… _understanding_, so cautious in explaining things not only in a way that she could understand, but in a way that made it clear that it wasn't her fault. In Bella's eyes, it still _was _her fault because truly, it could have been a situation that was avoided altogether if she had just thought before she acted. But Jasper always had surprised her. That wasn't to say that Bella didn't think he was so kind and understanding to begin with, it was just that in this situation, she could understand how it could have been frustrating for both parties involved.

She let her eyes lift to meet his when he turned her face toward him. How was it possible for him to fix something that Bella thought was broken? She couldn't comprehend how she could be so filled with doubt in one moment and in the very next, it was all but a memory and nothing more. Jasper had some good points when he spoke, the main one being that nothing bad should taint this place. This place was special, sacred even. Nobody knew about it save for the two of them and they'd both expressed how fondly they regarded it. This shouldn't have ruined it. Bella refused to let that happen because she was too consumed with her own humiliation to think of the bigger picture.

"I know," she said softly.

And she did. That, again, was a case where Jasper's ability came in handy. If he had been feeling angry or disgusted, anything that would have indicated that he didn't want her to kiss him in such a manner, Bella would have felt it. She'd felt his fear, yes. His apprehension of course. And that was why she'd felt so awfully about it. But she couldn't lie and say that before, she didn't feel his desire either. It was always so hard to distinguish between the two of them when so often, their emotions were the on in the same with each other's. Still, she couldn't ignore the way her heart accelerated when he said it such things out loud – that he wanted to continue, that he _did_ desire her. Not just her blood. But _her_. Bella. It made more sense when he explained that the physical attraction came as a result of the emotions tied with it in place of hormones. She had the hormones. For sure. But Bella felt as if she also carried the emotions.

Touching her nose to his when he stopped speaking, she sighed. She felt as if she had so much explaining to do. "I don't think you realize what _you_ do to _me_ sometimes," she said. "You make me forget about everything. I don't even… I can't even _think_ when I'm with you. Just feel. I know I should have thought about my actions. I'm.. I'm sorry I put you in that position, Jas."

Closing her eyes, she sighed again. "I just… _want_ you so much." Lifting her head, she buried her face into his shoulder, kissing it before uttering mumbled wishes against it. "I hate being a stupid human," she said regretfully.

* * *

He definitely wanted to put her feelings of humiliation to rest. It wasn't Bella's fault that he was a venomous creature, or that she had hormones. It was an unfortunate circumstance that meant they were going to have to adjust to how they progressed in the physical side of their relationship. Jasper was gentleman and would never engage in anything she wasn't ready for, that they _both_weren't ready for. He didn't trust himself in a lot of matters, and one of which had to do with his control. Not just his control of his thirst, but of his desires, too. His passion sometimes got the better of him and he didn't want that to happen with Bella. He was always so careful in how he touched her, making sure he didn't squeeze to hard or kiss her for too long. There were times when he wanted very much to take things to a much more intimate level with her, but he was very guarded in that for several reasons. One being again, his control, and another was because she was still a teenage girl with little experience in that matter. He didn't want to overwhelm her or make her feel she had to engage in anything.

Jasper embraced her gently and kissed the top of her head. "I'm glad that you're not over thinking when we're together. To me, it's most genuine when you just let your emotions come naturally. Putting much thought behind them takes away from the meaning they hold."

He slowly pulled her into his lap and started to run his hands over her body, touching her back, her sides, her waist, her hips, her thighs. "You never have to apologize to me for your feelings. We'll find a way to accommodate for our circumstances. It just might take a little time and unfortunately some trial and error. I want you just as much, my love."

As she hid her face in his shoulder and voiced her distaste with her human self, Jasper chuckled lightly and ran his fingers through her hair. "I love that you're human. I love everything about you," he said softly.

"I treasure your humanity, Bella. You have helped me, being human, in ways I did not believe were possible for me. I never thought I would be able to be so close to a human without frenzying, and look at us now. I can't get enough of you." He nuzzled her hair and breathed in her scent.

"I don't have to stand in the corner of the room with my hands behind my back, holding my breath because it drives me insane with thirst to be near you. I can hold you, kiss you, breathe you in, and love you freely. You did that for me, Bella. You've given me back _my_ humanity. I thought it was lost for eternity," he said softly, his tone very sincere. "I'll never be able to thank you enough for that."

* * *

Bella would have to work on her control as well. She might not have been dangerous in the same way he could be on account of his venom, but the way she could get carried away at times was enough to put both of them in a compromising position. That was the last thing she wanted to do. It would be a struggle at times for sure, but the way Jasper spoke of things make it seem like it was something they could figure out together. He seemed so confident that it would work and though she knew that he wasn't intentionally doing it by means of his special ability, he was lifting her spirits. He was so sensitive to _her _sensitivity. It made such a difference in the after effect of Bella's embarrassment. She realized that because of that, she wouldn't be dissuaded the next time she wanted to kiss him, a thought that had briefly crossed her mind after he'd pulled away when her actions were bolder.

Her arms linked around his neck when he pulled her into his lap and she tried to keep her breathing even when his hands ran over her body. When Jasper confessed what it meant to him that she was human, Bella was touched. She hadn't expected, nor had she realized that she could have had such an effect on him in that manner. _That_ meant more to her than he would ever realize. To know to she had some part in keeping him in touch with his own humanity, with being able to combat some of his deeply rooted internal struggles… She didn't have words for that. When all she wanted was his happiness, it made _her_happy to know that he was able to regard himself in a better light. It wasn't hard to see that the past he'd dealt with riddled him with doubts about his self-worth. But if he could only see, just for a second, how he looked in her eyes, those doubts would have been nonexistent. Hearing that she genuinely helped him went right to her heart.

"You have nothing to thank me for, Jas," she said, kissing his forehead. "I'm glad I helped you realize those things, but they're things I've known for a long time. I…" she paused for a moment, brow furrowing slightly as she tried to figure out how to explain what she wanted to say.

"It might sound weird, I know, but… I never really look at you as being different from me. Vampire, human, whatever. I know it's the biggest issue between us, but… I don't know. To me, you're just _you_. That's all. Just Jasper," she said with a shrug. Pulling him closer, she kissed his cheek before embracing him, closing her eyes as she hugged him to her. "You never have to be more than that," she assured him. "I'll never look at you as anything else. I love _you_."

Their conversation turned serious, sentimental. But it was so _easy_. Bella never thought she was any good with words, especially intimate ones, but with Jasper she again, didn't have to put any thought into it. It just came naturally for her. All she had to do was say how she felt and the words all fell into place. Her lips moved against his jawline, tracing the curve of it with butterfly-light kisses. "What were you saying about trial and error?" she asked with a smile against his skin.

**Author's Notes: **Emotions from all points of the spectrum came into play in this chapter! Next time we'll see Jasper and Bella take a trip to Port Angeles and find out what they get into while they're there. As always, thank you for your feedback. We would love to read more from you! Cheers!

**Lyrics:** Howie Day - She Says


	15. Chapter 15

I've seen the waters that  
make your eyes shine  
Now I'm shining too  
because I've fallen  
quite hard over you

Jasper was looking forward to this day. The night they'd built sand castles on the beach, he had been rewarded with a spa day for his precious Annabelle. She needed it. After the incident with Jacob, he'd put a harsh dent in her door that he was too afraid to try to pop out himself for fear of damaging her further. He felt terrible about doing that to his car, but at the time it had either been the car or Jacob's face. While it might have seemed like an easy choice, obviously he loved the car more than he wanted to preserve Jacob's face, but since the bastard had been clutching Bella he had to sacrifice Annabelle's door. In denting it, he'd also messed up the locking mechanism and scratched the handle, so it was going to need replacing. Annabelle, as much as he loved her, was getting to be a bit of an old lady in car years so fixing her was a very delicate process. Jasper wouldn't trust just anyone to work on her.

Fortunately, there was a very reliable place in Port Angeles that specialized in working on classic cars. So, he arranged for Annabelle to have her day of luxury, and asked Bella to come along with him. This wasn't his only objective of the day, however. He was planning on giving Bella her reward, had she won the sand castle contest. The place he was leaving Annabelle was a short distance away from where the library was that he'd wanted to take her to. He'd made no mention of this detour, even though he'd asked her about going with him a few days prior. This was a way for him to surprise her, which he was looking forward to being able to do. He knew she didn't like surprises that put her in the center of attention around other people, but this was just the two of them. It was a date of sorts, though not the kind a typical couple would probably enjoy. They were anything but typical, which was why he was hoping she'd really enjoy it.

The drive to Port Angeles wasn't terribly long. Jasper didn't drive as fast as his siblings, but he did drive faster than the average human being. They made good time, though he hadn't rushed at all. Jasper was just enjoying spending time with Bella, and that was the main objective of his day. They weren't going to have many days like this, due to the situation with the newborns escalating as it had. He was going to have to spend a lot more time with the family, which meant less time alone with Bella. Times like this were cherished more than ever. But he made no mention of that situation as they talked along the way. He did not want any negativity to rain upon their day. He just wanted Bella to enjoy herself, for them to enjoy each other. So far, it was working.

After they arrived at the car repair shop, he met with the man whom he trusted to take good care of his prized beauty. He was still reluctant to leave her, but with the knowledge of what was to come with Bella gave him the strength to turn away. He'd asked them to give her the works. Not only to fix the door, but to shine her interior, rotate her tires and replace them if necessary, wax her, replace the windshield wipers, everything. Annabelle was going to be spoiled.

Jasper gave Annabelle a gentle pat on the hood, then turned to Bella and took her hand."We've got a few hours to spare. Come on."

He smiled at her and started to walk her out of the garage. It was a cloudy day, so it was safe for him to be walking outside. He seemed to have no destination in mind, though of course he knew exactly where they were going. He wasn't sure of her knowledge of Port Angeles, but he hoped she wouldn't figure it out until they were walking up to the library steps.

* * *

Bella was looking forward to the day as well. Thinking about it also brought back memories of when they'd agreed that this would be a good prize for him winning the sandcastle competition. That had been a good day and Bella was quite sure that this would be as well. Any day with Jasper was always a good day. She was glad he knew where to go and what arrangements to make as far as the spa day for Annabelle was concerned; Bella didn't really know anything about cars. Her own was about as far from Jasper's as could be with the exception of similarities being that they were both older and each of them loved their vehicles dearly. Speaking of which, she made a note to herself that she would need to convince Jasper to let them take out her truck every once in awhile. She felt bad for neglecting it as much as she had been recently.

Still, she had grown quite fond of Annabelle too and thus, she was excited to treat her just as much as Jasper was. Bella fully intended to pay for it too. It was Jasper's prize and she was the one who suggested it. Besides, it was her fault that the poor car had a dent in it to begin with and so for that, she was definitely going to take responsibility. Bella knew he'd fight her on it, but that only meant she would have to be discreet in volunteering the funds. She had a lot of them saved up considering she never really bought much and while she had been working during the time when she felt hollow and empty, there was nothing to have wasted it on. If anything, she'd want to spend it on Jasper, on something that made him happy. She knew Annabelle did. Though – she did worry when Jasper ordered the works for the vehicle. She hoped she would have enough money for at least most of it that she brought with her on her debit card. If not, she would figure it out when the time came.

In the meantime, she was enjoying herself simply walking around the town hand in hand with Jasper. It felt like there was nothing to hide, like he wasn't worried about needing to conceal any affection. Knowing that he was comfortable enough to hold her hand put Bella at ease herself. She was always aware of people staring at the two of them though. And truthfully? Who wouldn't? It looked like Jasper definitely had downgraded when comparing how beautiful he was to… Bella. She just simply tried to ignore the prying eyes though.

It didn't seem like they were going anywhere special, but once they'd started up the steps to the library, Bella recognized the building. "The library?" she asked, looking over at him with hopeful eyes.

She'd been wanting to go for such a long time, but had never gotten around to it. It was rumored to be exquisite inside and just from the look of it, she could already tell it was. Her excitement was evident, regardless of how silly it might have made her seem. But she loved books and she was in need of some new ones.

"Really?" she asked, looking back up at the building then back to Jasper.

It didn't seem like a place most guys would enjoy taking a girl on a 'date' of sorts, but this was where he'd led her. She couldn't keep a smile off of her face.

* * *

That smile was what he wanted to see, what he'd been waiting to see all day. Jasper loved to make Bella happy, and though it did not take an extravagant surprise to do so, he was happy he was able to do something for her that he knew she would appreciate. He could feel the happiness she was giving off, and it made him even happier to be there with her. It had been difficult not to tell her what he was planning, but the wait was worth it. She was giving him his favorite smile.

"Really," he replied, a sideways smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

The truth was, this was just as much of a treat for him as it was for her. Jasper loved books. Reading was one of his favorite hobbies - save for any activity involving Bella. He'd read countless books over his long life-span, especially during the time period when he was not yet controlled enough to attend school with the rest of the family, or go out in public at all. He'd spend hours in Carlisle's library reading book after book. Fortunately for him, authors were always putting out new books and history always continued to unfold and be documented. He never ran out of reading material. That would be a sad day, should that happen. There was more to it than that, though. When Jasper would read stories, he could momentarily escape this world, and embark on whatever journey the characters he was reading about were going through. He could be someone else, besides the monster he believed himself to be, even if just temporarily. However, right now there was no one else in the world, literary or actual, that he wanted to be besides himself. Because Bella wasn't smiling at anyone else right now. That smile was just for him; Jasper.

"I've heard they have a book or two," he teased, knowing full well there were thousands of books to choose from inside.

They could easily have spent days there, he was sure. He'd certainly bring her back, any time she wanted. This was hopefully just the first of many visits. Jasper had the visual in his head of the two of them lying down together, just reading books. It didn't matter if they weren't speaking to each other; they were together, feeding off each other's emotions and presence. It was enough. The image made him very happy to think about.

He kept hold of her hand, lifting it to his lips to kiss the back of it. "The official ruling results came back," he said, referring back to when he'd said there had been no true ruling on which was the better castle. "Mine had a certain aesthetic appeal, but they said yours was much more inviting on the inside. So they're calling it a draw."

He smiled at her, then lowered their hands back down. He started to walk her in, holding the door open for her as they moved inside. Wall to wall rows of books were everywhere. It was a little overwhelming, but a sure sign that they'd be occupied for hours.

"Where do we begin?" He asked, giving her hand the most gentle of squeezes.

* * *

Bella had a little bit of an idea that Jasper also liked reading. She sometimes woke up in the mornings when he used to stay in bed with her while she slept and have a book in his hand. This would be such an opportunity for her to add a couple of things to her library on rotation so that he would have something to read of interest when he stayed with her. Of course, that hadn't been very often as of late, but she really hoped that things would change to benefit the both of them in that situation soon enough. It didn't seem like a great possibility until everything with the newborns had been taken care of, however. But Bella wasn't going to think about that. Not today. Not when Jasper had gone through the trouble of planning this day for the two of them.

She smiled when he'd spoken of the sandcastle ruling, laughing softly. He had definitely beat her and if her outsides looked bad, she was very sure the inside of her 'castle' was much worse off. But he was incredibly sweet to not only remember, but to award her a consolation prize regardless. The sentiment wasn't lost on her and like so many other times, this was one that made her feel incredibly lucky to have someone like Jasper. Inside the library, Bella felt very much like a child in a candy store. There were so _many_books! She wouldn't have been surprised if the library was one of the biggest buildings in the city. Inside it was easy to see why. There were three expansive floors and the layout was actually quite modern for a modest-sized city in Washington. There were plenty of tables and a lounge area on each floor. It wasn't very crowded on a day like today. It wasn't sunny, but it wasn't rainy either. Most people who were used to the Olympic Peninsula weather were taking advantage of the lack of precipitation and were outside around the town.

But Bella was happy exactly where she was. She wouldn't have picked a better place to be together, nor with any person better than the blond gentleman she was with. It was so difficult to know where to start when he'd asked. She truly _did_want to look at everything all at once. But there was one thing that had been on Bella's mind for a very long time now since she and Jasper started getting close. While she didn't have much of an interest in the Civil War before, now it seemed like all she wanted to do was further educate herself on it. Specifically, the South in the Civil War. And so, she squeezed his hand back and gave him something of a sneaky grin.

"I know exactly the place."

After taking a look at the directory, she led them up to the second floor where historical texts were kept. She didn't want to read fiction about the time period like Gone with the Wind. Rather, she wanted to know what really happened, the real stories.

"Here," she said once he could see where she'd taken them to start. Bella couldn't seem to keep a grin off of her face as she ran her forefinger along the titles aimlessly until one struck her. Pulling it out, she showed it to him. "I feel like educating myself today sans Scarlet O'Hara."

* * *

Jasper was just happy to be there with her. It didn't particularly matter to him where they started or where they ended up. He was with his Bella; everything else was irrelevant right now. He'd go to whichever section she wanted and was sure he'd be able to find something he'd at least be mildly entertained with. He really wasn't worried about that; he and Bella seemed to have similar interests and tastes. It was evident in the books he did sometimes read while he stayed with her. Mostly he just looked after her, but on occasion he'd crack open one of her books to read until she awakened. Part of him wished that this was a book store, so he could purchase all the books she wanted and she wouldn't have to give them back. However, since they would have to bring the books back, that meant more and more trips to the library. He liked that thought a lot, and he knew that since the books were free, she wouldn't hesitate to pick whatever she wanted and she wouldn't worry about costs or anything of the sort.

He didn't really have a clue where she intended to take him, but that was part of the fun. He caught her expression, which caused him to raise an eyebrow. Now he was very curious. Jasper wasn't entirely familiar with the layout of this library. He'd only been to this place a few times throughout their stay in the area. He was following her blindly to wherever it was she decided to go. He hadn't seen which area she'd looked at on the directory, as he was too busy gazing at her to notice.

It shouldn't have come as much of a surprise when she took him up to the history section, then to the specific area of books that dealt with the Civil War. Bella asked him frequently about his life during that time period, but Jasper still found it surprising that she really wanted to know so much about him. He'd never really thought of his life as special; he had fond memories, and some strenuous, but he thought there were far more interesting things to talk about than himself. It was nice sometimes, though, being able to recall memories he thought were lost forever by talking about events in his life that he did remember.

He looked at the book she selected and smirked a little. "So we're on an educational date, are we?"

He chuckled quietly, then started looking at some of the other books on the shelves. "I should make corrections in the margins of some of these." He pulled one he thought might be interesting off one of the shelves and then sat in one of the large, plush beanbag chairs.

"Join me?"

* * *

It was such a wonderful afternoon. Bella wished it could have lasted forever the way she curled up against him in the beanbag chair. She tucked herself beside him, taking the liberty of pulling his arm around her shoulder so she could settle comfortably into the nook of his arm and his side. Neither of them spoke much. Occasionally, she would show him something she'd read or ask him a question about whether or not the facts were right. After he explained either way, she would acknowledge him with a thoughtful sound and get back to whatever it was she was catching up with.

There were some parts she would have to skip over. Whether it was because they were boring in terms of being about people she'd never heard of, or if they were detailed accounts of some of the battles that took place. But when she was about halfway through the book, one turn of the page caused her to sit up immediately with an exclamation.

"Jasper!" she cried. Bella sat up a little too quickly though and managed to knock her head against his chin. It was painful and she winced before apologizing quickly to him. But she was far too excited to be concerned with a bump on the head.

"It's _you!_" she exclaimed, pointing at the page she'd turned to.

People were staring at them now, including one of the librarians who looked quite offended that she be so loud in such a quiet atmosphere. It probably didn't help that the bitter spinster wasn't too fond of the two of them cuddling together on the same beanbag chair. Bella cast her a sheepish look before turning back to Jasper, looking up at him with obvious excitement. There, in the black and white print was a passage about Jasper Monroe Whitlock, the youngest Major in the Confederate army. It was such a strange thing – not one that Bella hadn't thought about before. It would make sense for him to be in history books. He was a prominent figure in the Civil War for such an accomplishment and thus, it wasn't at all far-fetched that his name been written in texts about them.

* * *

It did not take him very long to become engrossed in what he was reading. Jasper was very comfortable in their positioning. With her tucked into his side and his arm around her, it was very reminiscent to how they'd lay together in her bed at night. Words could not express how much he'd missed that. Jasper _hoped _that his family would back off a little and respect their relationship for what it was. He hoped now that it was out in the open, that he'd be able to lay in bed with her again as she slept. He'd feel a little awkward doing so with one of his family members outside the house, and he'd never ask Esme to sit outside when it was her turn to come by, but he did hope that they'd get a little more slack now.

Jasper wasn't thinking about that issue at the moment, however. He was reading a series of essays, written by an actual Private from Virginia. He'd written about everything from their uniforms to the food they had to eat, to the romantic ideals many of the young boys who entered the Confederate army had before being subjected to the harsh truths. It was the most honest collection of works Jasper had ever read about that time in his life. Probably because it was written by someone who'd been there. Though he was very deeply involved in his reading, he was occasionally stroking her shoulder and placing gentle kisses to the top of her head.

He hadn't had time to flinch before she had her tiny outburst, which resulted in her head colliding with his chin. It didn't hurt Jasper, of course, but he knew it had to have hurt her head. His eyes widened and he immediately apologized too. He started to question what was wrong, but the emotions he was feeling from her did not exude any sort of problem - save for the pain in her head. She was excited about something. That something, was revealed to him a few seconds later when she apparently found a passage written about him in the book she was reading.

If Jasper could've blushed, he would have. It was a little embarrassing. Not her outburst, or the fact that several pairs of eyes were on them. It was just.. a little weird to know someone had written about him. That wasn't the first time he'd heard that. Esme had a book she'd gotten back when he'd first joined the family about Texas during the Civil War in hopes to get to know her new son better. There was a small portion of text dedicated to him in it, too. Jasper, like Bella, did not really know how to handle being the center of attention, so when the focus was placed on him he had a hard time responding to it.

"Mhm, that's me. I'm sure they could've found someone more interesting to write about, honestly," he said quietly, bashfully looking down a little bit.

* * *

Bella would have thought it was endearing that he blushed if he was capable of such a thing. In fact, she would have loved to have witnessed such a thing. It was always easy to see whenever she would grow embarrassed or received a compliment that would color her cheeks. It would have been nice to be able to see the same for Jasper. She imagined that the pink on his face would stand our brilliantly against his pale skin and light hair. For a moment, the thought distracted her from even the excitement of the book and she reached up to brush her fingers against his cheek.

Lifting his chin with her thumb, she smiled at him. "I would read entire libraries about this particular person," she said.

And she meant that. Bella so badly wished that she could go back in time just for one day to see what it would be like to know Jasper when he was alive back then. What would it have been like for the two of them to cuddle up to one another then? It wouldn't feel like fire and ice, but that was the only significant different she figured. Of course they would have looked differently on account of the times, but she knew she would have loved him just as much. It would have been an impossibility to let him go off to war.

She would have waited though. Every single day, she would have waited for him. That's what she would have done now as well – she would wait for him. Only now, there was no need. He wasn't going anywhere and nor was she. They were staying _together_. Nothing would change that. As far as Bella was concerned, their future was nothing but bright despite that there were hardships happening around them. She and Jasper couldn't be touched by that – she was sure of it.

Looking back down to the book, she leaned back against him as she started to read quietly aloud. There sadly wasn't very much information, but the book did mention how his charisma earned him a cherished spot and that his abilities to lead and strategize might have had a significant effect on the outcome of some of the battles had he not had an untimely death. When she read the sentence about how the cause of his death was not known, nor was his body found, her voice was much quieter. They both knew the reason why it hadn't been and what happened next in the story. Certainly _that _wasn't something that would be found in any book, historically accurate or not.

She linked her fingers with his on the hand he had around her shoulder, turning her head to kiss his wrist before speaking. "You had to have made everyone so proud," she said. She knew that he was like her in not wanting be the center of attention, but he had to know that.

"I wonder what would happen if I Google'd you," she said, a smile pulling up her lips. "Think I'd find anything incriminating?"

* * *

Jasper could've sworn he felt his cheeks growing hot. He knew it was impossible, but even his ears felt like they were burning. It was strange for him to hear about his accomplishments. Of course the knowledge was limited, as he wasn't a key figure in the war. He was just a young soldier who'd managed to accomplish a lot in his short stint in the army. He didn't think any of it was worth noting. Of course it all sounded pretty great when it was written in a way to highlight his accomplishments. It made him sound like he was some sort of hero, when Jasper never thought that about himself. He'd gotten into the army based on a lie. No one knew that but himself and his mother at the time, but he'd been dishonest. What was noble about that?

When she got to the end, he knew why she'd sort of trailed off in her reading. Jasper often wondered about how that situation was handled. He'd assumed he was reported MIA, and from what he'd read in Esme's book it had been rumored that he was captured and killed by Union soldiers after separating from his group to scout ahead. He would not ever let himself think about what that news must have done to his mother. He'd never gone back to check records to see what happened to Mrs. Whitlock. That was information that he did not think he would be able to take. He remembered that his mother had a sister with a family, and he just let his hopes rest in the thought that she'd gone to live with them.

Jasper was drawn out of his thoughts when she kissed his wrist. "I hope I managed to, but I was just doing what I had to do. Everyone was just doing what they needed to do in order to get by." He did laugh a little when she pondered over Googling him. "I've never thought to do that. But it wouldn't surprise me if Emmett's put something inappropriate about me on the internet." He kissed her forehead, then her cheek. "If you ever decide to do that and come across anything, just forget you saw it after you tell me so I can get him back." He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze, then held her a little closer.

"I don't know if you realize how much it means to me that you're so interested in my life, Bella," he said softly, all joking aside. "I never really talked about it in such depth with anyone before. Esme tried to get me to talk about it a few times, but not like you. It's really been nice. I didn't realize I had so many memories, and I didn't know that talking about them would help me remember memories I thought were lost."

He nuzzled against her hair and breathed in slowly, then sighed very softly. "Thank you."

* * *

She laughed when he made a mention of Emmett. She wouldn't have put such a thing past his brother to do such a thing. Now, though, she was definitely interested in what she would find on the internet about him. She had Google'd herself one time, but there had been no results save for one article that was a short biography on Charlie being the chief of police in Forks and claiming that he had one daughter. Isabella, of course. Not just Bella. After that, she never looked again. There wouldn't be anything special to find, nothing of relevance. That was fine with her completely. She would much rather be reading about other people's lives. People like Jasper.

When he grew serious and told her what it meant for her to take an interest in his life, Bella shifted slightly so she could watch his face. She didn't quite know why it had such an effect on him, but if it was a positive one, than Bella wouldn't question it. She didn't just take an interest in his life to please him. She did because she _wanted _to. Every single time she learned something new about him, it was a treat. She wanted to know everything about it, all of his favorites, all of his pet peeves, all of his habits. She'd picked up on quite a few of them by now, but studying Jasper would never get old.

"Jas, you don't have to thank me for that," she said, grinning at him and leaning in to touch her nose to his. "If anything, I should be thanking _you _for putting up with me asking so many questions. I know I tend to… bombard you with them sometimes," she said with a sheepish laugh.

"But I love hearing about your past. It's a part of you," she said, recalling the words that he'd spoken to her when she mentioned that she hated her scar. He said it was a part of her and therefore, he couldn't hate it. It was something that she remembered every time she looked at it.

Tilting her face slightly, she touched her lips to his for a kiss. It was really only meant to be a short, chaste one, but Bella couldn't help but to let her mouth linger against Jasper's for a little longer. When there was a loud clearing of a throat near them, she broke away and opened her eyes to find the bitter librarian giving them a stern look. The brunette couldn't help but to laugh. She felt like she was in middle school getting scolded for stealing kisses on the playground. Of course, she never stole kisses when she was in middle school on any sort of playground, but she imagined it was very similar. Giving the woman an apologetic wave, she still couldn't contain a smile when she turned back to Jasper.

"We were caught," she said, a hint of a devious twinge in her tone. Kissing his nose, she moved to get to her feet, holding out her hand to 'help' him up. "C'mon," she said. "Let's pick out some books to take with us so we can go back to the car shop. I'm anxious to see Annabelle's makeover," she said.

* * *

For a moment, it was very easy to forget they were in a public place. Jasper did not often engage in public displays of affection; he and Bella both had similar thought processes in regards to there being a time and place for that, and that it was something that seemed more special when shared just by the two of them. However, being curled up with her in the beanbag chair, lost in their world of books, it was difficult not to give her kisses and caresses, or to hold her against him in a tender embrace. Apparently the librarian agreed with their mentality about public displays of affection, as she was not amused at their constant touching. Jasper, though he respected her wishes, couldn't help but turn and shoot her a look that both awed and intimidated the hell out of the older woman. She went back to her organizing and Jasper turned back to look at Bella, met with her laughter. He chuckled a bit too, then nodded.

"Apparently I have a problem keeping my hands to myself." As if to reiterate that, he took her hand, but of course he stood up on his own. "Take as many as you'd like." He kept the initial book he'd chosen and pulled two others off a shelf after doing a very quick scan of the titles.

Once they'd gotten their books, he tucked all of them under one of his arms and tucked her under the other. He was very content with his decision to surprise her that day. It made him very happy to know he could make Bella so happy. It was also nice that they both enjoyed doing the same things. No one had to compromise their own interests for the sake of the other's happiness. Even if they were just sitting quietly together, Jasper could feel the calm and content vibes from her and himself. Everything was so _effortless_, and yet at the same time, he wanted to put every effort he had into loving her and making her happy.

Jasper walked her back towards the car shop, but stopped along the way to make sure she'd gotten something to eat. They'd been out for a good portion of the day, and he didn't want her to go hungry. Once she was finished, he paid and they continued on to pick up Annabelle. He did not realize Bella had intentions to pay for the work being done on his car. Had he known, he would have politely declined the offer, and even if she pressed on he would not have asked them to do so much work on the car in the first place. Regardless, he didn't know that and still did not as they entered the shop. Jasper was told upon entering that they were just finishing up cleaning Annabelle, and that she'd come through her repairs just fine. That was a relief to hear. Even though Jasper took very good care of his car, he did sometimes fear that she was getting to be too old to be fixed. This visit, especially. It would've depressed him immensely if he'd been the one to do in his beloved Annabelle for his reckless behavior.

"Bill the usual account, please," he said quietly, before taking a seat to wait for them to bring the car around.

* * *

It _was_ effortless. Easy, comfortable. Loving Jasper had come to feel more natural than breathing to Bella. Of course, it didn't help that eh breathing was frequently altered in his presence. If he wasn't simply taking her breath away by being himself, then it changed whenever they kissed, or if she exhaled a contented sigh. All were common occurrences when the two of them were together, but none were something that Bella could or _would_ever complain about.

Though she easily could have picked out three full shelves of books, she stopped herself at four, grinning at him when she sheepishly handed over the books that were all about the Civil War. At least that was one good thing about the event in history – there was plenty of research and reading material about it. She was hoping that in one of the others that she selected, she would come across his name again. That had been an unexpected surprise just as the trip to the library had been to begin with. For someone who hated surprises for the most part, Bella never seemed to have any complaints when they were at Jasper's hand.

The way back to the car place and the time during which he'd gotten her something to eat, Bella had been thinking of how she could be sneaky enough to give the mechanics her card to help pay for Annabelle's special treatment. It wasn't until they'd arrived back that she came up with something that seemed at least a little bit believable. After Jasper had told the man to bill his usual account, Bella 'remembered something' that she wanted to ask.

"Oh!" she said, standing up. "I forgot. I want to ask them something about my truck," she said. "I'll be right back," she said, hurrying after the mechanic to where the little office was. She managed to get to him before he ran any of the total through thankfully, but she still had to be cautious.

"Can you put half on this?" she whispered, reaching into the back pocket of her jeans for the card, glancing back to make sure Jasper wasn't lurking behind her.

She didn't look at the total when the mechanic asked her to sign. Instead, she quickly wrote her name and thanked him. "Don't tell him though," she added quietly before she followed him out before he went to pull the car around.

The mechanic just gave an amused sound, impressed that a girl would go out of her way to help pay for something that was usually male-oriented.

Joining Jasper again, she shrugged. "I think I might bring my truck by in a couple weeks," she said. "It's due for a look over and they do a pretty good job here," she said, following through with her excuse.

When the mechanic brought Annabelle around, Bella realized she was just as excited to see her as Jasper was. "Well?" she asked after he'd gotten the keys and they were sitting into the car. "Do you think she liked her spa day?"

* * *

Jasper did not think anything of it when she hurried off to supposedly ask a question about her truck. It seemed logical, as it was an old truck and this place specialized in tending to older models of vehicles. He smiled as he watched her go with a fond look in his eyes. He truly, truly adored Bella. She'd given him so much to smile about, so much to care about. His life had meaning, and it was to love her and be hers for eternity. Even if she was to one day decide she did not want him any longer, his love would not diminish. He would love from afar, protect her secretly if she needed it, and pine for her in private. Bella had his heart, however fragile it was and for whatever it was worth. And he knew, even without a doubt, she would take care of it and never exploit it.

He was still smiling contently when she came back, and reached out to gently take her hand once she was within reach. It was so nice, being able to be with her in such a _normal _way, even when they had danger looming over them. Being able to go on a date, to smile at each other and laugh together despite what was to come was so very refreshing. It gave him the boost he needed in order to be able to go back to Forks and dive back into his dismal planning for the war that was to come. He wasn't thinking about that right now, though. He was just thinking about his Bella.

After an initial scan of the car, he walked around it and very carefully examined the door that had been dented. Everything looked to be in perfect order. He thanked the mechanic and took the keys, then joined her in the car. It felt good to be in the driver's seat again. Things felt off when he wasn't able to be with his car. Annabelle started right back up, and Jasper rested his hands on the steering wheel for a moment, breathing in deep and exhaling in a sigh. He grinned over at her. "Well, as you know I can feel the emotions of others. And I must say that Annabelle is feeling quite refreshed." He chuckled lightly, then pulled out of the garage and onto the street.

* * *

**Important Author's Note: **This was sort of a happier look into Bella and Jasper's relationship and how naturally they click together. We hope you enjoyed it! We've received a lot of comments asking questions about upcoming future events (Bella being changed, and whether or not the intimacy in Bella and Jasper's relationship will flourish into something more sensual), and we want to assure you not to worry! When we wrote this story, many of those same questions popped into our heads and we have addressed them in the writing as you will see in future chapters to come. We wanted this story to be realistic in the emotional development between the two of them and not rush anything. Remember, both Bella and Jasper lost two very important people in their lives (not just one each; Edward was Jasper's brother and Alice was Bella's best friend, too). It's going to take a considerable amount of time for them to move on, and set backs are natural. Trust us - it's _definitely _worth the wait. To quote one of our favorite stories, The Last Unicorn, "The happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story." Keep reading; we promise your questions will be answered as well as some surprises you won't be expecting! We have devoted a very long time to writing their story, and haven't left any stone unturned. Thank you again for your continued support and comments! We love reading them and answering them all. Cheers!

**Lyrics: **Landon Pigg - Coffee Shop


	16. Chapter 16

_I guess it's luck, but it's the same_  
_Hard luck you've been trying to tame_  
_Maybe it's love but it's like you said_  
_'Love is like a role that we play.'_

_But I believe in you so much_  
_I could die for the words that you say._  
_Chasing the ghost of a good thing_  
_haunting yourself as the real thing_  
_It's getting away from you again,_  
_but you're chasing ghosts ;;_

Maybe if Bella would have known things were about to change she would have done things different. Maybe if she would have known that soon enough, everything would shift, she would have paid better attention. She would have fought for more time to spend with him. She would have insisted that he stay with her while she slept, regardless of who else was there. She would have kissed him every second she had until the practice had become more common than taking a breath. She would have told him she loved him a hundred times more than she did. If there had been any inkling that they were both about to be thrown for a loop, Bella never would have let him go even more than a second.

But she didn't know.

She didn't even have the slightest hint that something was about to go horribly wrong. Instead, she only kissed him once before he left to go hunting, gave his hand a little squeeze, and said she'd see him in just a couple of short hours. It was not too big of a deal – he'd needed to hunt after all. While he was gone, her thoughts revolved completely around Jasper. But that was no surprise; they always did. Not once had there been any inkling of a negative feeling in the pit of her stomach, the kind she often got when something didn't feel right, when she wondered if something was about to happen to change everything. It had just been a normal day, albeit a long one when she wasn't with him. She'd started to feel like the hours were dragging on and on.

At some point though, Bella realized that they _had _been dragging on. When she looked at the clock and noted that it was later than Jasper had said he'd meet her, she was slightly confused, but attributed it to the fact that he simply got caught up. If he'd been hunting with Emmett, she could see how that would happen as the two of them seemed to have fun on their outings. If that was the case, she was happy. She was glad he was spending time with his brother and hopefully it meant that the trip was a success.

It was just another indication of how blind the brunette was to the truth of the situation. Bella relaxed, kept herself occupied by doing a few loads of laundry and cooking a bit of an elaborate chicken dish for Charlie's dinner. When another two hours had passed though, Bella was beginning to really worry. She tried Jasper's cell phone once, but there was no answer. If anything, that solidified her concerns. What if something happened while he was hunting? He never would have left it go so long without calling her if he was just running late; Jasper was always so considerate, he would have let her know for certain. She called the house. No answer. Now she was really beginning to panic. Something had to have happened. Something was wrong. _Now_ was when the dread set in. _Now _was when the ill-fated feeling settled in her stomach. But when she called Jasper's phone a second time, the intensity of her worries doubled. There was an answer this time, but it wasn't the voice Bella expected to hear.

"Stop calling, Bella. He doesn't want to see you."

Rosalie's voice had come through, cold and firm. Just two sentences and then the call shut off.

For a moment, Bella was dumbfounded. That hadn't been anything like she expected. It made sense that Rosalie was just making it up because she didn't like the fact that Bella and Jasper cared about one another. It was a feasible story. But why did she have Jasper's phone? He wouldn't go anywhere without it. And why, understandable or not, would his twin answer the phone just to tell Bella that? Something wasn't right. Bella contemplated calling back and demanding some sort of an answer, but she had a feeling that she would be met with silence if she made another attempt. There was only one way to find out what was going on. Writing a note to Charlie, she hopped into her truck. It wasn't made to travel at high speeds at all, but she pushed the old Chevy as fast as it would go to get her to her destination.

There was no need to knock when she arrived. They would hear her coming when her truck pulled up. Besides, Rose at least had to know that she wouldn't give up that easily. If she didn't, she was about to get a surprise.

"Jasper?" Bella called after pushing open one of the side glass doors of the house. But before she could take another two steps, his twin was in front of her.

"Do you not know when to take a hint?" Rosalie snarled. "If I said stop calling, that doesn't mean getting your sick, obsessed self over here."

Bella could hardly hear her. She was too busy looking around her to see if Jasper was there. She couldn't see him however, and turned back to his blonde sister. "Where is he?" she asked.

"It doesn't matter where _he_ is. It matters where _you_ are. And _you_ need to get out of _here_." Rosalie's voice still sounded like velvet, even though it was menacing and sarcastic. It didn't, however, dissuade Bella.

"Rosalie, where is he?" she asked again, speaking in a voice that was just as firm, but that lacked the melodious edge to it.

The vampire just smiled, displaying a perfect set of even teeth. Even when she shrugged, it looked graceful. "Fine. If you won't take the hint from me, take it from Jasper," she said. "He's in his room."

On the inside, Rosalie was bubbling with pleasure. Her clever plan had worked and though she honestly didn't like seeing her brother in pain, if it meant that it would end whatever twisted relationship he had with this _human _who was responsible for the death of her other brother and sister, it was well worth it.

Bella didn't waste a second before going to the location. Her heart was heavy on the way, but her steps were quick. The door, she found, was ajar. What she found inside broke her heart to a hundred pieces.

"Jasper?" she whispered, her eyes wide and confused.

He really _had_ been there.

* * *

It was supposed to be a normal day. Jasper had needed to hunt that day; ever since becoming intimately involved with Bella, he was careful not to let himself go too long without feeding, as he'd been doing before while grieving. He was supposed to go hunting, then come back to the house and clean up, then go back to Bella's and stay with her. That was his intent when he kissed her goodbye and brushed his fingers against her cheek. That was his intent while he was hunting that afternoon. He'd not gone with Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett; they'd gone further north to have a bigger hunting ground. Jasper stayed in the local area so he could return quicker. It was still his intent when he arrived back at the Cullen house and ran upstairs to his room to take a shower. It was when he reached his room that his world came to a screeching halt, and all his good intentions flew out the window.

On his bed, a beautiful white dress was gingerly draped over the comforter; Alice's wedding dress. It was not an extravagant wedding gown, nothing at all like the garments Rosalie wore when she would remarry Emmett or even the dresses Esme wore when she'd renew her vows with Carlisle. It was not what one would think of as a wedding dress, especially to those who knew Alice. For their tiny courthouse wedding, it had been perfect. And the way she carried herself when she wore it, one would have thought she'd stepped off the runways of Paris herself wearing it, even though she'd simply purchased it at a department store with what little money they had at the time. The dress was almost sixty years old; it was older than Annabelle, and yet it was still in near pristine condition. Alice had kept it tailored over the years almost as religiously as Jasper fixed up his car.

All the photographs of Edward and Alice had been tucked away or kept in rooms of the house that Jasper did not set foot in. But seeing Alice's wedding dress had been worse of a blow than if he'd stumbled upon a photograph. He didn't just see the dress, he saw the wedding replaying in his mind. He saw Alice standing in front of him. He could feel her hands in his as she gleefully chirped her vow to love him forever. Her _scent_ was still on the dress. He could pick it up with his heightened senses, and breathed it in before he even realized what he was doing.

_Alice_.

A horrifying realization hit him almost as hard as the initial blow of the memories attached to the dress. He had not thought of his deceased wife in weeks, months. He had not visited her grave as he'd done everyday before. He had not spoken her name, he had not grieved, he had not pictured her face. He had not _remembered _her. How could he have been so selfish? How could he not have at least in passing, thought about the woman that he had been married to for more than half of a century?

As he approached the dress, pain started piercing through his chest. He reached out and just as his fingers brushed lightly over the lacy bodice, his hand trembled and the pain intensified. What had he done? How had he gone so long without thinking of Alice?

He'd done it because he didn't know how to balance his emotions properly. He, Jasper, the one who knew everything about emotions, could not keep track of his own. He had not known how he could allow himself to be happy, and still grieve for Alice at the same time. He'd gotten it into his mind that he had to have one or the other. Jasper had buried his heartache in order to be happy, and forgotten Alice in the process.

He did not hear Bella's phone calls, nor did he hear her truck pull up outside of the house. Even if he did, the sound did not process in his mind or register any sort of rational thought. He hadn't even acknowledged Rosalie when she came in to try to comfort him as he wept. Not long after his realization, Jasper had taken hold of the wedding dress and crumpled to the floor. He'd been in the same position for several hours, holding the dress and crying. All the grief, all the pain that he'd been suppressing had surfaced and was pouring out of him in the form of sobs, causing his entire body to shake with sorrow.

t was a painful sight, even for Rosalie to witness. Even as he wept in despair, trembling and even choking on the venom that caught in his throat, Jasper still held the dress delicately in his hands. He held the fragile garment with such care, as if its owner were still wearing it. His pain could be felt through the house; he wasn't even trying to hide it. He wasn't thinking. He was just grieving.

"Alice," he'd cry her name every so often, wracked with guilt. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry darlin, I'm so sorry." He cradled the dress against his body, as if he were hugging Alice herself.

"Alice.. Alice.. darlin.. please forgive me.."

Nothing could reach him; he was so consumed in his pain and sorrow that he didn't even realize that the world was still functioning around him. He did not know Bella was standing there witnessing his breakdown. He did not know that she would feel his anguish.

It wasn't the day he intended.

* * *

Why didn't she just listen to Rose?

Why couldn't she have just stayed home, pretending like she was waiting for Jasper and continuing to think that nothing was wrong, that he just got caught up somewhere?

Why couldn't she have turned around when Rosalie told her, yet again, that he didn't want to see her?

Maybe if she would have, Bella could have spared herself from this. This would be an image that she would never forget. Every single happy one that she'd collected and tucked away neatly that she shared with Jasper of beaches and carousels and daffodils were flattened, pushed out by this one. She would _never_ be able to erase this. The sight of Jasper on the floor, clutching the white fabric to his chest and shaking…. Bella would _**never **_be able to forget that. She knew exactly what the garment was that he was holding onto so tightly. Alice's wedding dress. The pixie-like vampire had showed it to her once when she was over. Bella remembered how much she gushed over it, retelling her the whole tale of when her and Jasper were married. Alice hadn't been able to stop smiling. The grin lit up the room, making Bella feel so happy just for being able to hear such a beautiful story. She remembered telling Alice that she wished she could have been there to see it, that it would have been so nice to witness such a happy event. Alice had only laughed, telling her that she would have been her maid of honor.

Honor.

What honor? How honorable was it to fall in love with her husband? How honorable was it for her to forget about Alice and instead, focus on the man who'd the dark-haired girl had shared eternal vows with decades before? How honorable was it that he'd become Bella's entire life when his wife's no longer even existed? It wasn't something that Alice would have been able to predict. It wasn't something that she could have seen before they went to Italy. She hadn't planned to lose her life and she certainly didn't plan for Jasper to share his with another when she was gone. If she had, Bella was sure that she wouldn't have been considered for the maid of _honor_. She wouldn't have been considered for anything at all.

If her heart had been split into a hundred pieces when she first witnessed Jasper there on the floor, hearing his words had splintered it into thousands. That didn't seem accurate enough to describe it. There was _nothing_, no words to describe the pain Bella felt when she listened to him. He was apologizing. He was apologizing to his dead wife, his Alice, his _'darlin''_. He was apologizing for reasons that Bella didn't have to spend a lot of time guessing at. He'd gotten so wrapped up in something that he too, must have forgotten. Bella, so selfishly, so _cruelly _made him forget about the love of his life.

Alice.

Alice was the love of Jasper's life. Alice was the one he'd spent the last sixty years of his existence with. Alice was the one who'd given him hope. Alice was the one who he'd married, promised that he would love forever.

Alice. Not Isabella.

She felt the emotions of him so strongly that Bella almost felt like she was going to go weak in the knees for a moment. She had to clutch the door frame in order to keep them from buckling under the weight of his sorrow. Never before had she experienced his emotions like this. It had been hard the first day she'd come back to Forks and made an appearance at the Cullen's home for the first time since the deaths. It had been devastating when she witnessed his breakdown in the cemetery when he traced the letters in Alice's name and told her stories about the day he'd proposed to her. He spoke of daisies. Daisies, the happiest flower.

Daisies. Not daffodils.

She told him the truth of what happened in Volterra, of her responsibility for taking away his Alice. And she'd done it again. A _second_ time, Bella had been to blame for taking away Alice from Jasper. The emotions she felt from him now didn't have a name. It wasn't 'hard' or 'devastating' to witness the grief and anguish coming from him. There just _wasn't_ a way to describe it.

But whatever it was, it was unbearable.

Bella was in such shock, that she couldn't speak. She felt like she was intruding, like she shouldn't be there at all, but rather hundreds and hundreds of miles away. Jasper didn't even seem to notice she was there to begin with. He just kept saying that name over and over, apologizing to Alice. Alice. For a full five minutes or so - she didn't really know since it seemed like time had frozen completely – all she could do was watch him. She didn't know what it was that made her finally turn away. Maybe it was the fact that the shock had started to wear off and everything else that came with realization of what she was seeing came flooding into her. Whatever the reason, Bella quietly closed the door.

She felt like she wasn't really there, like she wasn't _really_ walking back down the steps. Bella could only wish that would have been true when she met Rosalie by the door.

"Now you know," Rose said. "Now you've _seen_ what you've done. He doesn't want _you_, Bella. He's never wanted _you._ You aren't Alice. You aren't his _wife_. You never will be. You'll never be what she was to him."

Her voice was so calm, as if it were as normal of a conversation as a discussion on the weather. Bella couldn't say anything. She could barely lift her head to look at Rosalie, but her eyes never left the blond. Every single thing she said had been the truth. Every single thing she said, broke the pieces of her heart down a little bit more. Including what she said next.

"You never even thought of her, did you? You never even thought about the fact that she considered you to be a sister to her, did you? Tell me, _Bella_. Did you ever think of Edward? Did you, even for a second, stop to remember that he _died_ because of _you_? They both did. They both died because of your selfish, thoughtless wants. And now you've made my brother pay for it too. You've broken him."

Pieces to dust.

"Get out, Bella. You aren't welcome here."

Her heart had been dust before. But now the particles were scattered, blown across the horrible plane of truth that Rosalie spoke of. The girl was bitter, yes. But everything she said was the truth. Bella was responsible for all of this and she knew it. There was no chance of collecting all the pieces of dust, no chance of putting them back together to form a heart anymore. Not this time. As she drove back to the her house, ghosting through the motions, she opened the windows of her truck to let the wind carry the ashes that were left.

* * *

Time was not something that was regarded by vampires in minutes, hours, or even days. Jasper did not realize that he'd been grieving for Alice over the span of three days. He had no idea, until his grief started to subside and he was able to start thinking again. By the time he came out of it, Jasper had been curled up in the fetal position on the floor. The rest of the family had come home to be greeted by the waves of depression he was giving off. Esme had been in to see about him several times, but Jasper did not recall any such occasion. He had just been so out of touch with reality that he did not realize any of that. At some point he'd spoken to Esme while she was in, because she'd taken the dress away and put it back in Alice's closet. Had she not done that, it would've probably been much longer before Jasper came around.

When he came to, he found himself on the floor. To him, it did not seem like three days had gone by. He also still did not know that Bella had come in to witness the tail end of his mental break down. In his mind, all Jasper knew was that he was late to go see her. At once, he hurried out of his room and down the stairs, only to be stopped by Esme hugging him. She'd been so worried and it was good to see him out of his room. He thanked her for taking care of him, but then voiced that he really needed to get to Bella.

"_What_?" Rosalie demanded, emerging from the kitchen into the front room where Jasper had come down. "What do you mean you have to get to Bella? Do you not even remember what you just went through? What you put us through?"

Jasper raked a hand through his hair and took a cleansing breath. He was still reeling from the whole ordeal, but he had to get to Bella and apologize to her for being late. "Rose, now isn't the time for this. I have to see her, and I don't have to explain myself to you. Excuse me, Bella is waiting for me."

"Somehow I doubt that," she said as Jasper started to walk past her.

"What..?" Jasper turned around quickly to face his twin. "What are you talking about?"

"Bella was here. Three days ago. She saw you mourning over your _wife _and realized she had no place here. Finally."

Jasper froze. "T-Three days.. It's been three days?" His eyes widened and he stared at Rosalie in disbelief. Realization hit. Rosalie put the dress out. Rosalie set everything up for disaster. She'd made it no secret that she disliked Bella immensely. But he couldn't believe she'd stoop to such a level. While it was necessary that he get out his grief, it did not have to be at the expense of his relationship with Bella.

"You did this to me, to her."

Rosalie shrugged. "So what? She needed to be reminded and apparently so did you."

Jasper just shook his head and glared at her. "You and me? We're _done_," he said coldly, and stormed out.

He did not stop until he got into his car and peeled out of the garage. Three whole days had gone by? What must Bella be thinking? He had to get to her, to explain to her why he was so upset, that it had nothing to do with her or their relationship. It was just unexpressed grief and anger at himself for not handling his emotions better. He knew if he could just get to her, if he could just hold her, beg her forgiveness, that things would be all right. He pressed his foot harder on the gas pedal, and pushed Annabelle a little harder than he normally would have. All he could think about was Bella, and getting to her as quickly as possible.

Bella wished she had no concept of time. She wished she could let entire days pass and not realize that things were moving along even though she was not. But Bella didn't have that luxury. Instead, she knew exactly how slowly time was dragging on. While she could acknowledge each passing second, she could also acknowledge just how leisurely it was moving.

When she left the Cullen's house that day after seeing Jasper, after being pushed out not only by the sight of him in his mourning, but by Rosalie's harsh, but true, words as well, she cried herself to sleep until there was nothing left, no more tears. It was the opposite of how she grieved for things before. After everything that had happened in Italy, Bella had become like a stone, incapable of feeling or showing emotion. She bottled it up so tightly that there were times when she felt like it didn't even exist, that _she_ didn't even exist. But this was different. As much as she _wished _she could cease to exist, just like she wished that time would be a silly fantasy rather than an inevitable reality, she still did.

Her emotions were the driving force behind everything she did. There hadn't been a night in those three days that she didn't cry herself out until she was too exhausted to do anything but sleep. Her window was kept shut and her curtains were closed. Jasper wasn't coming to stay with her. Nobody would be guarding her house anymore. She didn't deserve that. They all realized, just like Jasper did, that she had done a horrible, horrible thing. For all Bella cared, she _hoped _the newborn would come back and finish off what he'd started. She hoped Victoria would seek her long-time revenge sooner rather than later.

But Bella didn't have that luxury either. Instead, she had to endure the days. Charlie was beside himself with not knowing what to do. It felt like it was only so recently that his Bells came back to life again and now she was gone. He could hear her crying at night and each time he did, it broke his heart for his daughter. He'd asked her about it once, the first day after he'd listened to her sobbing. All she said was that she was thinking about the past.

Bella hadn't gotten specific and Charlie didn't push for it. He assumed she was missing Edward. That was why he called Jacob and asked him to come over. Jake had been the one to help Bella through her hardships the year before. He could surely do the same now. Or at least, Charlie sincerely hoped so.

When Jake came over, Bella was laying on the couch. Curled up in a blanket, she was watching Gone with the Wind. Obviously, she was more masochistic than she even realized herself. The knock at the door gave her a fleeting glimmer of hope.

It was Jasper. It had to be. He was coming back.

She threw back the blanket and rushed to the door, blinded by that desperation of hope. But it wasn't Jasper and Bella couldn't hide the disappointment on her face when she saw Jake. She didn't mean to look so sullen over his presence, but when she'd tricked herself into believing that Jasper could have been there, it was hard to settle for anything less. It had been three days, eleven hours, twenty-three minutes, and roughly fourteen seconds that she'd last seen Jasper as Jacob followed her back to the couch.

For awhile, he didn't say anything. He just sat with her quietly, something that Jake wasn't prone to doing. On the inside, he was positively seething with anger. He knew the bloodsucker was behind this. He knew it was that dirty leech that messed up Bella yet again. It was always _their_ fault. He never did this to her, nor would he ever. He figured it was some sort of fun family game for them to see how many times they could break her. But he couldn't dwell on all of these things. The only thing he could think of was how to cheer her up, bring her back to life. He tried to crack a joke about the movie's main character and her ways with men. Expecting a laugh from her, or at least, a smile, Jake was horrified when she burst into tears.

He wouldn't know the movie was sentimental to her, or that Jasper had commented on Scarlet O'Hara's ways before and that the memory of it would set Bella off. But it did. She started sobbing so hard that it actually _scared_ Jake. He wasn't used to this. He'd never _seen_ Bella like this before. Ever.

"Bells…" he whispered, pulling her close to him and wrapping his arms around her. Bella didn't react aside from continuing to cry. She finally lost track of time as she did so, sobbing into Jacob's shoulder. When her tears finally began to subside, she realized something. She was… _glad_ he was there. While she wouldn't have wanted anyone to witness her being quite so emotional under normal circumstances, someone was _there_. When she realized that, she was thankful toward the boy. Stopping her crying, she settled herself down by clinging to that, wrapping her arms around Jake and relaxing and taking comfort in the fact that at least for the moment, she wasn't alone. Considering she'd felt nothing _but_ alone for the past three days, she would take the change.

* * *

Nothing could have stopped Jasper from reaching Bella that night. The army of newborns, not even Victoria herself could have stopped him from getting to her. He put Annabelle's engine and handling to the test that night, racing her down the wet roads at dangerous speeds with little regard to anyone else on the road. Just because he did not typically drive the way his family members did didn't mean he wasn't capable of it when he needed to.

The car screeched to a stop, and Jasper would have to apologize to Annabelle later for his treatment of her. Right now he had to get to Bella.

Bella.

Bella was all he could think of. He had no idea what he could do to receive her forgiveness and he no idea what he would even say to her. If he could just get to her, they'd figure it out. He'd find a way to explain to her what happened and she'd find her way back into his arms and they'd be all right. They were in love, and there was nothing that could break that. He needed her more than he'd ever needed her before; he needed cherish her, love her, tell her how much she meant to him because if there was one thing he'd learned through his grief, it was that he never could take a moment with her for granted. He could never waste an opportunity to let her know how much he loved her. He had no idea what lay in store for him as he ran down Bella's street from where he'd parked his car. He had no idea of the misinterpreted conclusions Bella had drawn from seeing him in his broken state. And he had no idea that Bella was being cherished by another.

When Jasper stepped onto the property, his eyes immediately lifted to look up at her window. It was shut and the curtains were pulled to block his view inside. A piercing pain, fueled by dread and fear, pricked at his fragile heart. He wasn't horribly shocked by that, however. He expected Bella would be upset with him, as she rightly should have been. Three days with no contact at all; Jasper knew he would be fighting an uphill battle, but he hoped that she'd listen to him. Bella was so forgiving, so much so that he feared she was _too _forgiving. He was praying that she would forgive him enough to let him apologize and make it up to her for as long as it took to make her smile again.

Jasper had held true to the notion that he would always love Bella no matter what, and that he would be hers forever. Even if she stopped loving him, he would love her for his eternity. Vampires fell in love, but they never fell out of it. Humans, were a different sort of creature, he'd come to learn. They could fall in and out of love very easily, almost to the point of cheapening and demeaning the concept of what love truly was. Bella, he knew, was different. She was not like other humans he'd come into contact with. He did not think he was deserving of her love, but he'd been able to feel it so genuinely coming from her and he couldn't get enough of it. Her feelings mirrored his and he never wanted that to change.

His gaze left her closed window when he could hear voices. His heightened hearing allowed him to listen in on what was happening inside. They were voices he recognized, but not Bella's or even Charlie's.

_"Rhett, don't! I shall faint!"_

_"I want you to faint. This is what you were meant for. None of the fools you've ever known have kissed you like this, have they?_"

Jasper recognized that useless tripe. She was watching Gone with the Wind? Then there _was_ still hope that she could forgive him. That was the film they'd been watching when they confessed of their love for each other. Surely that had to mean _something_ to his favor in this situation. His eyes shifted from Vivien Leigh and Clark Gable to see her, under a quilt just as she'd been when they watched it together.

And Jacob's arms were around her. _Jacob_ was holding her.

Jasper couldn't make sense of the situation. She was going to pull away, jerk away from him as she had before, surely. He wanted to run in and rip the dark haired boy's arms off of her, attack him head on like he'd intended to do the night he'd tried this same maneuver with Bella. But something was keeping him rooted to the spot.

Bella.

Bella was what was keeping him out. The displeasure, anger, and repulsed feelings he'd felt coming from her the last time Jacob had his arms around her were absent. Why wasn't she pulling away from him? Jasper saw her move and thought she would push the wolf back. _Bella_, he thought, turning his head, preparing himself to strike when she recoiled. But it didn't happen. Her arms slid around Jacob's neck. And he felt her joy. He felt how content she was, how calm and relaxed she was.

He'd told her he would be with her unless she wished him away. He would cherish her heart until she took it away. The shut window should have been his send off. He should have taken that to heart, to know she was closing him out of her life now. He shouldn't have looked in that window. Jasper would never be able to erase that image from his mind. He'd wanted Bella's happiness more than his own, more than anything else in the world.

Who had he been kidding? He was a monster, a demon, and he did not deserve her pure love. He'd been lucky once. He'd been a fool to think he could have her love and be able to keep it. Was this his eternal punishment for his sins? To find his happiness only to have it wrenched away from him again and again? He couldn't take it. He couldn't handle this anymore.

Unlike Bella, Jasper's heart did not shatter again. It turned icy, just as his exterior. A stone wall built itself around his abused heart, preventing it from breaking, or feeling anything at all. There was no sadness, no anger, certainly no happiness. Nothing. Jasper, who primarily functioned through his emotions, cut them all off at the source by sealing them within their stone prison.

He turned from the sight before him and walked away from Bella's house. He did not even return to his car. He just walked. And walked. Even as the Washington rain started to fall, he walked. There was no destination in mind. What did it matter where he went? He had nothing left to give.

Hours later when his cell phone rang, he pulled it out of his pocket and looked down. _Mother_ flashed on the caller ID. Jasper didn't even flinch. He tossed the phone down on the sidewalk and smashed it under his boot as he walked. The rain soaked his hair and his clothes, his curls matted down around the sides of his face, his clothes dripping and clinging to his long, lean body. He didn't care. He felt nothing.

* * *

Three minutes and roughly forty-nine seconds. That was how long the comfort and relaxation that Bella had felt lasted. It was just long enough to get Jacob to think that he was finally getting his way, that he was _finally _getting the opportunity to be what Bella wanted. She didn't need anyone else – just him. No more bloodsuckers. No more leeches. No more people that would hurt her.

But Jacob didn't know Bella very well at all. She adored Jacob; he was a good friend. But she _loved_ Jasper. She _needed_ Jasper. She didn't want to be comforted by just anyone; he wanted to be comforted by Jasper. If she couldn't, then she wasn't meant to _be_ comforted. When time started to register again, when she realized that the body that was holding her was too warm – almost suffocatingly so – and not cold and firm, the seconds began again. The minutes started back up, ticking and ticking to prolong the time she'd spent away from Jasper. If Jacob thought she was okay, if he honestly thought that this was the beginning of her recovery, then he was mistaken. Horribly so. It had only been a lapse of agony, brought forth by the fact that she was so exhausted, she couldn't help but to feel grateful that someone was _there_. But as soon as it all clicked into place, as soon as she could hear Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh's voices on the television, she inhaled sharply and pulled back.

Jacob had been anything but understanding. While he had been a comfort the moment before, his frustration amounted to unlike anything before. He didn't need to ask her what was wrong. He knew. He knew it had _something_ to do with the leech. And frankly, it made him angry.

"Jesus, Bells," he spat bitterly. "I never took you for being a stupid girl, but you're _really_ pining for that bastard? Still?" It didn't even matter which one he could have been talking about. To Jacob, whether she was thinking of Edward or if she was more likely thinking of Jasper, it meant that she wasn't thinking of _him_. He was sick and tired of it and he wasn't going to keep quiet about it anymore.

"You keep doing this to yourself, Bella. It's your fault that you don't just wake up and see what's going on. Twice. _Twice_ now you've just paraded around with your heart and let them take shots at it. Where are they now? What do you have to show for it? They _left_, Bella. I've never gone anywhere. I've ALWAYS been right here for you. You're so blind to what's right in front of you."

Bella, like she did when Rose had started in on her speech, could do nothing but stare at him, wordless.

But unlike with Rose, Bella wasn't going to stay silent for much longer as Jake continued on. "Bells, he doesn't _want_ you. If he did, he would be here, wouldn't he?" he said. "But he's not. _I_ am." When he spoke though, another click occurred and Bella snapped back into reality.

"Don't say that," she hissed.

It might have been true in the sense that Jasper _wasn't_ there and that she _had_ witnessed him breaking down in mourning his wife just a few days before. But… she refused to believe it. She couldn't bring herself to believe that he didn't want her anymore. Bella wasn't a wishful thinker by any means. But she'd _felt_ his emotions. She'd _felt_ love coming from him with they had been together. _Happiness._ She'd felt those. They weren't emotions that could be faked. Perhaps in normal circumstances for normal relationships. But the relationship that Jasper and Bella had wasn't normal. It went far beyond what any 'normal' relationship could have consisted on. It was so strongly rooted in emotion, in feeling.

When Jacob went to say something else, Bella cut him off before he could. "No, Jake. I'm talking now. Listen or don't, but _I'm_ talking." Her tone was firm and she meant what she said – he didn't even have to listen, but she had to make a few things clear.

"I'm not stupid. Don't say I'm stupid. I'm sorry – I really _am_ sorry Jake – but… I don't feel the same way about you as you do for me. You're right. You _have _always been there for me. I'll always appreciate that, Jake. It's not like I don't realize it and I'm not grateful. But that doesn't mean… I'll love you the same way. I do love you. But… it's as a friend, Jacob." She didn't want to hurt him. But he was hurting her. He needed to hear this.

It seemed like he didn't want to hear it though. He started to turn away, but Bella grabbed his arm. "And _as_ a friend, you need to understand that I can't help who I _do_ love. And it's Jasper. I love Jasper, Jacob."

Jacob clenched his fists by his sides and tried to block out what she was saying. Was she trying to hurt him? Did she care at all about how he was feeling? She was just rubbing it in. And she just kept _going_.

"It doesn't matter if he doesn't feel the same about me. It won't change the way I feel about him. Everything you said might have been true in that respect, but you're wrong about the rest. I'm not blind to everything. I see things for what they are. I just... don't see the same things you do, Jake. I'm sorry for that. I… That won't change."

Jacob needed to understand that she didn't feel the same way for him romantically. She hated that it would be hard for him to hear and she felt cruel by setting the story straight, but this couldn't keep happening. Bella meant what she'd said. Even as he got up from the couch and left, angry and hurt by her words, Bella just let him go. There would be no reason to stop him. She couldn't blame him for feeling the way he did; he was entitled to it. If it cost them their friendship, that was… Well, it was sad indeed. But Bella couldn't compromise her own feelings. If Jacob couldn't accept how much she loved Jasper, how much she would _always _love Jasper, even if the vampire didn't return those feelings after all, then it was best for the two of them not to speak.

With that burden lifted from her shoulders, she could focus on what was important. The most important thing, the _only _important thing. If he didn't want to see her anymore, then Bella would have to accept that. But she wouldn't accept it coming from Rosalie, or Jacob, or anyone else for that matter.

Just Jasper.

Jasper would need to tell her himself. Until he did, Bella wasn't giving up hope. Her heart wouldn't let her. Because even though it still felt like it was reduced to nothing but scattered pieces of dust, they all migrated to Jasper.

She didn't know what she would do yet – she needed a night to think it over. But one way or another, she would confront it and get closure. Be it positive or negative.

* * *

**Author's Note: **One of the hardest chapters we've ever written hands down. It was so heartbreaking to write that scene with the wedding dress. Now you can see how Rosalie and Jacob both aren't very kind. At all. The next couple of chapters are a whirlwind. If you thought this one was bad, things are only going to get worse, sadly. Next chapter, you'll be introduced to someone from Jasper's past who will be a very prominent part of his future with Bella. And not in a good way.

Maria.

Please let us know what you thought! We like to keep you guessing about what's next and trust us, the next several chapters are really intense. Please remember to review! We love hearing from each and every one of you and it encourages us so much! Cheers!

**Lyrics:** Ghost of a Good Thing - Dashboard Confessional


	17. Chapter 17

_Can we fly? Do I stay?_  
_We could lose. We could fail._  
_Either way, options change._  
_Chances fade. Trains derail ;;_

It had been two weeks since Jasper last saw his family, since he'd last seen Bella. He was unaware of the time, as the days all ran together for him. He wouldn't have been paying attention anyway. For about the first three days or so, he remained perched in a tree. There was no meaning, no purpose in his life. He simply had nothing better to do with his time but sit and stare at the tree across from him. Occasionally he would watch a bird gliding through the air, but with very little interest. He should have been devastated, barely functioning after the loss of his relationship with Bella. He should've been lonely for his family. He should've been nursing a broken heart. But instead, he just sat there with blank look, still as a statue. He felt no pain, no loneliness. He was just empty, completely numb. No emotions whatsoever. Only when the fire in his throat became unbearable and his eyes were black as coal did he leave the tree. It did not take him long to find a large buck for his meal, which he took down easily and drained it of its blood. Instead of going back to his tree, Jasper started to walk again once his thirst was taken care of. He walked for another day before coming to a decision.

While Jasper could no longer feel anything emotionally, he did desire a sense of purpose. There was an army of newborns being created, and that needed to be put to a stop. He didn't have definitive proof that that Victoria was the one assembling the army, but he was going to hunt her down anyway. He knew that she did have a grudge against Bella and intended to kill her, so he thought he'd track the fiery haired woman down instead. Even though Bella did not want him anymore, he'd still protect her from afar. That was the only role he really had left. Besides, by taking out the leader of the army, the newborns would no longer have someone to be influenced by. They would be much easier to kill off. With that plan in mind, he started doing what he could to track Victoria. It wasn't easy; he did not have anything with her scent on it, so he was flying blindly. What he did know was that a human had been killed in Forks and he knew that location. What he intended to do was go to that area and try to pick up the scent of whomever had been there, if there were any traces of vampire left. With the frequent rain showers it would be difficult, but it was at least a place to start.

When he arrived to the location in which Carlisle had told him the body had been found, Jasper found little help to guide him. He managed to find a faint vampire scent that seemed to trail off to the north of where the body had been. He decided to follow it, because he didn't feel he had anything to lose in doing so. The scent was difficult to track, but he managed to keep up with it for several hours. He'd gone several miles and would have continued to walk, but something made him stop. On a passing breeze, a very, very familiar scent caused him to freeze.

Was he imagining things?

_Casablanca Lilies_.

He'd once been obsessed with that scent. He'd lived and breathed it everyday, worshipping it and sacrificing everything for it. Under other circumstances, he would have been afraid, upset, even angry to breathe in that scent. But he felt nothing. Jasper felt nothing at all. He wasn't even curious about it. He just knew. He knew who that scent belonged to and he didn't care. He just kept following the initial trail. The floral scent he'd picked up before invaded his sense of smell again, much stronger this time. A twig snapped behind him.

"Mi querida," a voice purred from not very far away.

It was a voice that Jasper had been infatuated with over one hundred and sixty years ago. A voice that sounded like wind chimes, that had belonged to a goddess he'd faithfully worshiped for over twenty years. The scent of lilies filled the air around him. Jasper did not move. He did not try to run, he did not turn on her in anger.

* * *

The small, dark haired vampire stepped out of her place behind the tree she'd been leaning against. Of course, she'd picked up _his_ scent while she was tracking the same vampire. She'd traveled all the way from Mexico upon hearing that there was a rogue vampire trying to wage war in the North. This was something she'd considered doing for several years, as it was unclaimed territory, perfect for taking over for feeding grounds. She'd hoped to find this rumored woman, align herself with her, then kill her once they'd achieved their goal and take over the army for herself.

She hadn't counted on finding her former mate. The man who walked out on her and bruised her ego. It surprised her when he did not respond to her, positively or negatively. It also surprised her how angry _she _was being in his presence. It had hurt her pride when Jasper walked away from her and their cause, but she'd never loved him so she hadn't allowed herself to care when he left. Yet there he was, and she was drawn to him right away. He needed to suffer for what he'd done. She closed the distance between them and stood facing his back.

"Jasper.." she whispered, her voice like wind chimes singing on the passing breeze. Her hands slid up his back, but he made no motion to suggest he even realized she was touching him. Maria ran her hands up and down his back, trying to get him to turn to look at her.

* * *

Jasper should have recoiled with disgust. He should have turned on her and hissed defensively. He never should have allowed Maria to touch him. But he did not care. What difference did it make anymore? He felt no anger as she ran her hands over his back and lightly clutched at his shirt. There was nothing but numbness.

Still, Jasper made no move to face her. He just stood there. It was Maria who turned him around to face her. He was brought face to face with the woman who changed him, who brought him into this life of hell, made him perform cruel and violent acts, who he'd sacrificed his body for in order to win her love only to never receive it. He was looking at her and yet he felt no shame, anger, pain. He was just staring blankly at her.

Maria, though she was angry with him, tried to play it off because she understood Jasper's power. None of it seemed to matter, though, because he looked completely devoid of emotion all together. "I've missed you so," she lied, playing with the buttons of his bloodstained shirt.

"You're lying," he said flatly, uncaring. "I don't care, but there's no need to lie."

* * *

Maria tilted her head, watching him curiously. There was something very different about Jasper. Her Jasper was always passionate. This Jasper was dead in the eyes. Something had happened to him, she could tell. She wanted to know what it was. She'd spent years trying to break his spirit, to drive out his strong will in order to make him into a mindless drone who did everything she asked, but she never succeeded. She wanted to know what could have caused it. But she did not ask any questions right now. He'd just shut himself down if she pressed him. She needed to gain his trust first. She needed to make him hers again. Then she'd figure out what it was that drained the passion from his eyes.

"Mi querida," she murmured, tracing the top button of his shirt with her index finger. "You're right. But seeing you here, being close to you again.. I realize that I truly have missed you."

Jasper shrugged. "Fine. Excuse me," he said, and started to walk in the direction he'd been heading in in the first place, leaving Maria dumbfounded.

She'd never known him to reject her. It was an odd feeling, something that she couldn't quite describe. But something within her was compelled to understand. She followed him.

For two days, she followed him in silence, and Jasper never once even looked at her. But after those two days, she could not take the silence anymore. "Jasper," she said firmly. "Look at me. _Look _at me."

* * *

Jasper obeyed, turning around to face her. He still felt nothing. This was not the way he thought he'd react if he'd ever reunite with Maria. He thought he'd be a nervous wreck, and yet here she was, following him demanding his attention. The roles seemed reversed and it was very strange. But Jasper was not about to let down his guard. He knew Maria better than anyone and he knew that the second she felt she had any power, she'd exploit it.

Yet at the same time, what did he care? What did it matter if Maria took possession of his soul again? It wouldn't make a difference to anyone, and certainly not to him. He met her eyes, which were a dark shade of red.

"What are you doing here?" He finally asked. It didn't matter, but he figured the knowledge couldn't hurt.

Maria smirked. "I heard someone was forming an army-"

"And you wanted it for your own purposes," Jasper finished. He knew her too well, and he knew that his suspicions were confirmed by the grin on her face. "We're searching for the same woman."

"Then we'll be going in the same direction for a while," she said, running her hand along his forearm.

"I suppose we will."

And they did. For several more days, they traveled together. Jasper did not show any signs of changing, he was just as lifeless as before. He was somewhat concerned about the trail, however. It seemed to have led them back to Forks. A dead end? Jasper just glared at the ground. He'd have to refocus his efforts and find another way to trail Victoria. Maria didn't seem to mind that they'd made no progress. Jasper hadn't pushed her away, or tried to stop her whenever she touched him. She'd been holding onto his arm before they came to a stop. She'd forgotten what it was like, what a rush it was when she'd go to address the army they'd built, standing beside such a powerful creature, controlling him all the while. It wasn't the same, as she could not feel his adoration of her, but she remembered it, and she held onto that memory now just as tightly as she was holding onto his arm.

* * *

"You need to clear your head," she said. "Then we'll come up with a way to find this woman." She moved around to face him, and started playing with the hem of his shirt. "I know how to take care of that. I still remember." A grin flashed across her lips as she slipped her hands beneath Jasper's shirt to trace over his defined stomach muscles.

"Mi amor."

* * *

The night she'd made up her mind, Bella dreamt of Jasper. It wasn't such an unlikely event, but this dream was a new one. This took place somewhere that seemed familiar to her, but somewhere that Bella was sure she'd never been before. It was a town. A Southern town. Instead of being black and white like most of her dreams seemed to be more often than not, this one was all sepia-toned. There wasn't much of a beginning to the dream. It felt, instead, like it picked up somewhere in the middle of a story. Bella knew she was the one experiencing what was happening and that it was from her perspective that she was seeing everything in the dream, but she couldn't actually see herself.

In the dream, she was looking out a window. She could see other houses on the street, all in the same brownish-red coloring. But everything was blurry on account of the fact that it was raining. Pouring. She couldn't see the true color of the sky, but she imagined it was dark and angry with the rain the rain was pouring down. With the rain brought drops of negativity, showers of despair and lost hope. Even though it was only a dream, she felt consumed with it. Suffocating. It was hard to hear anything above the roar of the rain against the roof, but there was the sound of something else. Footsteps. Hooves, more specifically. They grew closer and closer and though she swore they were going to pass by the house in which she was holed up, they stopped what seemed like right outside of it. She couldn't see anything from her window though. Only rain, only the tops of other houses. Curiosity had the better of her. She saw the door as she moved out of her bedroom, the stairs as she made her way down them, the front porch as she pushed open yet another door. The sound of the rain was louder when she stood on the doorstep, but her vision was clearer.

And then there he was.

It was like the way she felt when she had the dream about the meadow and she was lost until she found him in the field, right in the middle of the daffodils. But he wasn't in a field of daffodils. He was standing in the rain in front of his horse, soaked through in his uniform. But he was smiling. It was a smile she'd never seen him give before. It was one that she could _feel _rather than just see. It was like he knew a secret, but was having trouble keeping it. Like he'd known this was how things would be all along. Suddenly, the rain didn't feel heavy with negative energy. Instead, the atmosphere completely changed. He was getting closer. She figured out that in the dream, she was running toward him from the porch, gracefully, effortlessly.

She woke up, so cruelly, a second later. Bella noted that she was sweating and her heart was racing. Such would usually be the reaction to a nightmare, but this dream was so far from that. It was the opposite. The brunette would have done anything to fall back asleep and pick up where that dream left off, but the rest of the night went without dreams of any kind and when she woke up, it was just a memory. A vivid one, yes. But a memory all the same.

It wasn't easy. Even though her mind was made up and her heart was set on the fact that one way or another, she would confront Jasper, it wasn't something that would happen easily. It was a delicate situation, especially since the last time she'd seen him, it was a heartbreaking experience. For both of them, she imagined. There was still an extremely likely chance that it wouldn't end well at all, especially if she was putting her heart on the line – whatever was left of it – in order to ensure he knew how she felt about him. But she continually told herself that it was something that had to happen, regardless of the outcome. If she didn't talk to him, if she didn't find out for herself, then she would truly never know.

One of the reasons that the closure was so important to Bella was because she refused to let the same thing happen with Jasper that had happened with Edward in a sense. Of course, unless tragedy struck in the same exact pattern twice, which even Bella had doubts of, the situation was much different. Jasper wasn't in danger of the Volturi and Bella wasn't about to leap off anymore cliffs. But she hated the idea that she didn't have closure with him. She couldn't stand that. It – though the entire thing had been immensely difficult – had been the hardest part of losing Edward in the manner she did. She was left never knowing the truth – if there was truth – in the words he'd spoken to her before fleeing Forks the year before. She wouldn't let the last thing she saw of Jasper to be the image of him clutching that wedding dress on the floor, so overcome with grief, guilt, and anguish that he didn't even notice her. While there was a chance that he would still feel those things when she contacted him, Bella would make sure that this time, he would at least _see _her. Not only just see her there, but to listen to what she had to say. He needed to know, no matter how he felt in return, that her feelings for him would never waver. She loved him just as much as she always had and no matter what, she would always feel the same. It wasn't meant to put any pressure on him to change his mind, and she would be sure to let him know that from the get-go, but as long as she said what she needed to, it would be enough for her.

That wasn't to say it would hurt any less if he rejected her. And that was the very reason why one day passed. Then two. Then three. On the morning of the fourth day since she'd talked to Jacob, Bella still hadn't found the courage to go to the Cullen's home to see Jasper. But she would never get that courage. Not because it wasn't going to come, but because she wouldn't get the chance to let it. There was knock on the door that Bella answered, still with a small, fleeting hope that it would be Jasper on the other side. It wasn't. Rather, it was his mother.

"Esme?" she asked, surprised to see the matriarchal woman on her doorstep. The matriarchal woman on her doorstep with a look of utter concern.

"Bella," she said, pulling her into a hug. Despite the worrying reason for her visit, Esme was still happy to see Bella and couldn't resist embracing the girl. Bella gently placed a hand on Esme's back, but could feel her own concern growing.

"What's wrong?" she asked, pulling back to look at her.

"It's Jasper," Esme started. But before Bella could panic and ask any questions, she continued. "We haven't heard from him in a couple of days. He said… he was coming to see you last. He left the house with the intention that he had to find you," she explained. "But no one has seen or heard from him since then. Do… you know anything dear? I'm – we're all – just worried about him. It isn't hard to believe that he needed some time away. Jasper does that every once in awhile and we don't question it. But… something doesn't feel quite right this time," she said. Though she was trying to remain strong for Bella, it was more than evident that the woman was plagued with worries about her son.

"He… No," Bella said, shaking her head. "He never came here. I haven't seen him since… since the last time I came over," she said, drifting off slightly. She was having worse of a time not looking concerned than Esme was having. Instantly, she had the same bad feeling that the Cullen mother just spoke of. "Have you tried calling him?" she asked.

"Countless times. It's gone right to the voicemail each time."

It wasn't like Jasper. Something was definitely wrong. He wouldn't ignore calls from his family. Not from his mother and father, even if he'd been feeling guilt-stricken and grief-filled as he had when Bella witnessed him breaking down in his bedroom. She and Esme exchanged conversation for a few minutes longer and as soon as the other woman left, Bella grabbed her keys. She didn't know where to start looking, but she knew she had to begin now. She couldn't wait. She had to find him.

* * *

Jasper couldn't bring himself to care enough to stop her. He didn't particularly want Maria touching him, but was it really worth dealing with one of her tantrums for him to pull away from her? All the while he contemplated this, she'd started to pull him by the shirt, back towards a tree, then she spun him around and pushed his back against it. Jasper looked down at her, but felt nothing. He knew Maria, and he knew she didn't waste time. The fact that she'd followed him for days without trying to work in her own agenda was very unlike her. It would've made him suspicious under any other circumstances. As it was, he just stood there while she tried to seduce him.

Maria slid her hands out from under his shirt and made quick work of her buttons. There was little else she could do with him standing, however. He had a good foot of height on her she pulled him forward, then pushed him down on the ground and climbed on top of him, perching on his hips. She pulled her own shirt off and tossed it aside, then pushed his over his shoulders. Maria eyed his scars. They repulsed her, and she had no intention of touching them. Instead, she slid her hands over his cheeks and leaned in, crushing her lips against his. She kissed him hard, pressing her body into his. It was familiar, though it took some reacquainting with him to recall just how she liked to position herself against him. When she pulled back, she continued holding his face in her hands.

"You're not touching me," she said in a low voice. "Put your hands on me. I want to feel you _touching _me."

Her kisses meant nothing to him. He barely even felt her hands on him. It was a bit odd, however, when she removed his shirt and said nothing about his scars. Usually she'd tell him how hideous he was, how he was lucky she would even look at him. There had been a time, early on in their stint as mates, when they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Before his body became marred with the scars of his efforts to keep her affection, Maria was insatiable with her desire and Jasper was so infatuated and adoring of her that he couldn't get enough of her either. There was a once a time when he would have been filled with joy that she was voicing her want for him to touch her. But this? Her demands carried no weight with them. He hadn't responded to her kiss, nor was he complying to her demands for him to touch her. Only when she grabbed his hand and put it on her hip did he go through with it.

Maria was frustrated. For Jasper not to respond to her, or anyone for that matter, it was very irritating. She was so used to always getting her way, _especially_ from Jasper, and the fact that he had seemed as though he couldn't care less about her since seeing her was perplexing. This was all about pride now, though. She didn't give a damn about Jasper, and she knew he knew that. But she did want him. She wanted to possess him, keep him as she'd intended to do before. He'd gotten away, but now she had him back.

"Jasper," she murmured, kissing down the side of his neck. "Don't you desire me? Don't you want me? Mi querida... I want you," she cooed, and kissed him deeply again.

One of her hands made quick work of the fastening on his pants. She couldn't yank them off just yet because of their positioning. "Come on," she whispered, running her tongue over his lips. "Like old times. Come on, Jasper. Remember?"

She pushed him, then sprang back. She was toying with him. It was the primal way vampire mates would engage in intimate acts. She beckoned him to her, tossing her long black hair behind her shoulder.

Jasper knew what she was doing. He also knew it was working. It wasn't because he wanted her, or cared at all. It was because his body was physically responding to what was happening to him. It'd been a very long time since he'd been able to engage in this sort of behavior, and he could help but crave it once it was shown to him. When she beckoned him, taunting him with her body, Jasper stared at her with dark eyes. He didn't give a damn about her, but he wanted her. He sprang up into a crouched position, keeping his eyes on her. Then he crawled to her and lunged, pinning her down on the ground. They wrestled around with each other, each one pinning the other and subsequently breaking free to restart the process. They were growling, purring, and kissing on each other. It was instinct; it was how mates often acted. They ended up on the ground, with her on top of him again.

"Jasper..." she licked his bottom lip again and crushed her hips against his, riding him. "I want you now.." One of her tiny hands disappeared inside his pants, which soon drew a sharp breath from Jasper. He let his head fall back against the ground as she started kissing his neck. Maria would stop at nothing to make him hers again.

* * *

For a town that was so small that most people had never even heard of it, Forks suddenly felt endless. Bella didn't know where to even begin. For a good ten minutes after Esme was gone, she simply sat in her truck, keys in the ignition, just staring ahead at the street on which she and Charlie lived. Where would Jasper have gone? Easily, he could have been halfway across the world in the time since his mother had said he'd gone. It wouldn't have been outlandish, especially if he had been grieving as much as he was the last time she'd seen him. The thing that struck her as the most peculiar was the fact that Esme had said he was going to find her. Was that just an excuse he made to leave? Why would he say he was going to see her and then disappear altogether? Why not just leave?

She had so many questions and no answers. The only way she would obtain any was to start looking. Starting up the truck, she started the drive. She took the main roads through the town, looking for… Well, she wasn't sure what exactly she was looking for. Just _something _that would stand out and give her a clue as to where to find Jasper. For hours, she drove the same streets until day turned into night and it was far too dark for her to make out anything of substance aside from what was directly in front of her headlights. The fog was too thick. The day hadn't turned up anything but frustration that she was still left in the dark, and now, housed a chest full of worries. Sleep, though somehow it came that night, did not come easily.

The next day, Bella awoke with determination. But it was deceptive. Right beneath the surface lay all the doubt that she was trying to swallow, but failing to do so. What if this day turned out to be like the one before? Nothing. No clues. No indication that Jasper was anywhere to be found. Or at least, found by a human girl in a beat up pickup truck. But things were slightly altered this day. In the truck once more, Bella went beyond the town. She drove until there was no more sunlight left. She went today to Port Angeles. Maybe he went there for whatever reason – she didn't know. But it was somewhere else to look. She spent two hours in the library, walking up and down the shelves in hopes that one time, he would be hidden between one of them. He never was. She drove and drove, stopping every so often when she thought there was a possibility she would find him there. She even stopped where they'd taken Annabelle to the mechanic and asked if he'd stopped by. Of course, he hadn't. It seemed like another day had been wasted with nothing but disappointment to bring back home with her. She'd been delaying it as much as possible, taking longer routes to the tiny house where she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. If it wasn't for that detour, she never would have noted the side street. Though Bella had driven past it about a half a dozen times in the past two days, she hadn't traveled down it.

When she did, it changed everything. There, on the side of the road, was Annabelle. She knew that car anywhere. There was no other one like it. She stopped her truck in the middle of the road and jumped out, going to the car. It was locked. Her fingers trailed over the hood before she peered through the windows. Nothing. No Jasper. No clue as to where he went. But she _did_ realize something. Without Annabelle, he couldn't have gotten far. He could have easily taken another means of transportation, but hope was restored in Bella. Just seeing something familiar, some special part of him – his car – it gave her _hope_.

Bella would find him. She was closer. She was closer to being able to tell him how much she loved him, to reconnect with him. It would all be all right. Just like in her dream, she imagined that when she did, he would be just as happy to see her, that upon doing so, all of his sadness would be washed away. He'd have that same, secretive smile on his face that was vividly emblazoned in her mind ever since that dream. Her Jasper. Her soldier.

Those thoughts kept pushing her through the next handful of days. They turned up nothing, but she couldn't be dissuaded. Each night before she went back home, she would stop to see Annabelle. She felt close to him. He was around. She _knew_ it. She refused to think anything was wrong, that he'd encountered a newborn or something that would end fatally. Those thoughts were too negative. They didn't exist for her. Some many nights after the first time she'd had it, Bella had the sepia-toned dream again. When she awoke, there was a different feeling about the day. She was determined. She would find him. She _would _find him.

She decided to try something different that day. Esme and Carlisle would have outright refused if they'd known what she was about to do, but it wasn't a thought that crossed Bella's mind. It was dangerous to go into the woods by herself considering how close the killings had been recently. But if she was to meet an end, then it was going to be while she was trying to get to Jasper. He was the only thing that mattered to her. He was the only thing that she cared about. And so, she traveled by foot. She'd driven her truck to the small area on the side of the road where she parked it when she would go to the meadow. She hadn't been there since the night Jasper found her, but she remembered it well. From there, she disappeared into the woods. She walked for hours, but Bella didn't care about time.

Just Jasper. Her Jasper.

That day, she would find her Jasper. She would accomplish what she set out to do. She would be able to end her search, to put her fears to rest that something horrible had happened to him, that he was in pain or suffering. That he was alone. Because Jasper wasn't alone. He wasn't in pain. He wasn't suffering.

And he wasn't Bella's.

His name. She'd heard his name. It was spoken by a voice she didn't recognize, one that she'd never heard before. And yet somehow, she had a feeling that she knew the tone. There was an accent to it, a few words spoken in a different language. Bella knew exactly who it was before she could even see anything. Immediately, she felt herself springing into action. She hurried a few steps forward, opened her mouth to call out his name to save him… and came to an abrupt halt.

The sight that unfolded before her was indescribable.

The petite, raven-haired girl that haunted Jasper's past was on top of him. She was assaulting him, putting her hands all over him. Her mouth was on his lips, his neck. She was baiting him, putting him in a position that he didn't want to be in. Bella immediately felt protective of him. She _had_ to save him. She couldn't let her shock at the situation, at the mere sight of this unthinkable thing unfolding in front of her, stop her from protecting him.

But she couldn't even take a breath. She couldn't even blink. By the time she could have done either, the boy she'd been so desperate to protect showed her that he didn't need any protection. He moved as if he was going to fight her off. But there hadn't even been time for Bella to feel relief that he was going to defend himself.

That wasn't what Jasper's intention had been. That hadn't been his course of action at all.

Bella stopped breathing. Her heart didn't beat at all because it no longer existed. The feeling that went through her was nothing short of a blade, cutting through her veins with a flaming tip. She felt sick and stunned all in the same instance.

Jasper wanted it. He _wanted_ Maria. He didn't want to push her away; he wanted her closer. The hope that Bella had been clinging to, the hope that she was so sure would bring them back together did nothing short of betray her. It was like she could _feel_ everything he did. Bella could feel his lips on Maria's. She could _feel _his hands on the tiny, devastatingly beautiful vampire. She was sure they felt different, though, than they did for Maria. To Bella, they were cuts. Burns. Stabs.

The worst part was, was that she couldn't move. She was so paralyzed by the pain of what she was seeing that she couldn't turn away. She couldn't make a sound. She couldn't breathe. Instead, her chest just burned. It literally _burned _to see this. There was a fire where her heart was. Rather, where her heart used to be.

If a heart didn't exist any longer, then why could it still hurt so badly? Why could she still feel it shatter over and over and over again if there were no pieces of it left. The ashes were gone. No more dust lingered. Anything that hope had pieced back together was trampled, singed by this fire. Just the fire. That was all that remained.

Bella wondered how long it would take her to die. It wouldn't be however long it took for Victoria to find her, or the Volturi. It would be right here, right now, with this vision as the last thing she saw.

She wished it would hurry up.

* * *

The numbness did not give way. His body was responding to what Maria was doing to him, and he could feel that, but he did not feel anything emotionally. He didn't even feel lustful towards her. He'd hoped that by engaging in this behavior, he'd be able to feel _something_. That, and he just didn't care about himself anymore. Whatever Maria wanted to do, she could do to him. Bella had turned to Jacob; she didn't need him anymore, and he couldn't blame her for that. He'd failed her, and she deserved better. He'd always felt she deserved better. He did not believe Jacob was _better_, but if he was who she wanted, then who was he to tell her otherwise?

He was the one who was most in love with her; _that's_ who Jasper was. He was the one who loved her more than he believed anyone else ever could. This wasn't what he'd set out to do. He'd somewhere along the way lost his focus amongst the numbness. Even if Bella didn't love him or want him anymore, he still wanted to protect her. He _would _still protect her.

"Maria." He took her wrist to pull her hand away from him. Maria narrowed her dark red eyes at Jasper and turned her head. "I don't want this," he said, pushing her back from him.

"This was what you always wanted!" She snapped, hissing at him. "How many times would you come to me begging for my attention?"

"Maria, I always did everything you ever asked of me, and it was never enough. But _I've _had enough." Jasper stood up, fastening his pants.

He did not realize Bella was there, for he could not feel her, and any heartbeat he heard he passed off for an animal nearby or some hiker. Any inkling he did have of her presence was cast off as wishful thinking - or dread, considering the situation he was in. But why would Bella be here? Surely she was curled up with Jacob on her couch.

"I would suggest you go back to the South, Maria. You have no business here."

Maria, who was crouched on the ground, watched Jasper. He had the _nerve_ to tell her that he'd had enough of her? Then he went on to tell her to _leave_? She pulled her shirt back on over her head, but kept her eyes on him.

"Jasper," she hissed. "Who do you think you are to tell me what to do? I decide when you've had enough, and I decide what I do and where I go. You, are _nothing_ to me." She rose to her feet and glared up at him. "How dare you speak to me that way? As if your words have, or ever would make a difference to me. As if _you _could do anything. I made you into what you are."

Jasper just turned his back on her and started to go fetch his shirt. This was nothing he hadn't heard before. Maria had made a hobby out of berating him in the past. Her words went in one ear and out the other. He wouldn't have felt anything from them anyway. Closing himself off from his emotions had made it impossible for her words to cause him pain. That didn't go the same for her teeth, however. Turning his back on Maria had been a mistake he should've known better than to make. But he'd done it, and she struck. It all happened at lightening speed. Maria shoved him, but grabbed his wrist in the process and jerked him back to her. Her teeth sunk deeply into his skin. Not even a century of separation would cause her to miss her mark. Her sharp teeth pierced through the scarred flesh, reopening every old wound she'd caused and infecting it with her venom. Jasper howled in pain. He didn't know if Maria was particularly venomous or what, but the pain was excruciating. He couldn't even fight her off as he had Bartholemew when he'd bitten his shoulder. His fingers curled, his whole arm tensing as she held on with her teeth. Jasper fell to one knee, gasping and yelping as the venom spread.

Only when she was ready, did she release him. "Still weak," she spat, dropping his hand. "Still a hideous, worthless creature. And you're right. I have no use for you. I should have killed you when I saw the first sign of weakness, when you first showed signs of loving me."

Jasper barely heard her, he was clutching his wrist against his chest, trying to regain his senses and the use of his hand.

* * *

Isabella Swan's mind was both a gift and a curse. It was so complex, so capable of painting pictures so vividly that she could actually believe them to be real. If there was something that she wished she could erase in reality, all she had to do was picture something else, something that she wished would take its place. Sometimes, if she was lucky, _sometimes _it would be a success.

That was what happened now. Bella, though she could do absolutely nothing else but stare in burning silence at what was taking place in front of her, could at least change it in her own strange pattern of thinking. If she just _wished_ it hard enough, Jasper would push Maria away. If she just _wanted _it to happen badly enough, then he would put a stop to this and tell the raven-haired vixen that he didn't want her. He would stand up and walk away if she thought about it enough, if she just concentrated everything on to that simple want and need to erase what she'd seen.

It was working. This was happening. Maybe the fire was what made her concentration stronger. If she used to burn to focus all of her energy into manipulating her own thoughts, then changing them would be nothing short of a victory. Whatever was the explanation, Bella was clinging to it.

He was leaving. He was walking away. But what happened next was not something that Bella could think up on her own. She wouldn't wish this. She would never allow her thoughts to take this course of action. If it was anything that would have caused Jasper pain – as much as he'd caused her unknowingly through his witnessed actions – then Bella would have been incapable of thinking it. When Maria pulled him back, Bella knew what was going to happen. She knew before she saw her teeth sinking into his skin. She remembered that scar. She remembered when Jasper told her how he'd received it, why it was deeper and more pronounced than the rest.

Suddenly the fire turned to ice. The burning in her chest changed, altered itself into something new. Bella couldn't describe it if she tried, but it was the closet to anger. Anger fueled by heartbreak was the very worst kind. For someone who hadn't been able to even breathe, much less find her voice a few moments before, she was certainly capable of coming out of her camouflage now.

"Stop it!" she called, pushing her way through some of the foliage that concealed her presence before. If Bella's eyes could have been black, if they could have turned in the way a vampire's could, they would be coal-like.

"Get away from him," she hissed, narrowing her eyes at the petite predator. It didn't matter that Bella wouldn't have stood a chance against her. The way her anger was raging through her veins, she would have bet money on herself.

* * *

Jasper had not felt this sort of physical pain in more than a century, but he'd never forgotten it. Every time he looked down at his wrist, he remembered. He remembered her teeth, her remember how sharp they were, he remember the fiery burn of her venom; it was so hot that it was _cold_. If he didn't have his immortality, he was sure it would have paralyzed his whole arm. There was so much pain, it was nearly blinding. He deserved it, though. He always felt he deserved his punishment from Maria, because he'd always done something wrong in order to have earned it. This time, it was for what he'd done to Bella, for failing her, for not being enough that she had to turn to someone else, for losing sight of what he had to do in order to protect her, for letting Maria get close to him. He deserved the scar this pain. Even when she let go, the agony did not fade.

Was the venom playing tricks on him? Bella's scent filled the air. Bella's voice reached his ears. He thought he was having a hallucination of sorts, but when he turned his head, he saw her there. Bella. His Bella. What was she doing here? Why was she in the woods by herself? _Why _was she confronting Maria?

Maria turned to see who would dare interrupt her. A human? "Jasper who is this girl?"

Jasper did not hesitate. "Leave her alone, Maria. We have a treaty with the wolf pack. If it's broken they'll wage war. That would ruin your plans."

"You will not tell me what to do!" She snapped. "I'm thirsty. I'll have her and no one will know the difference."

Jasper forced himself to his feet and lunged between Bella and his former mate. He was considerably weakened, but he would protect her with his life, whatever it took to keep her safe. He owed her that, he owed her everything and it still wouldn't be enough to make up for his failures.

"Do you really want werewolves getting in your way?"

"I'll do what I want!" Maria lunged at him and Jasper fought back. They collided, the sound similar to that of two boulders slamming against each other. They tangled together, and though he was weakened, Jasper managed to keep her at bay. Frustrated, she pulled back.

"I won't forget this," she hissed, then glared at Bella. "You're lucky he is here, _ramera_." She stared Jasper down for another few seconds, and then she was gone.

Jasper did not move for half a minute. He did not flinch until the scent of Casablanca lilies was gone. Only then did he drop to his knees and clutch his wrist again. He did not know how much Bella had seen, but any of it wasn't good. He couldn't bring himself to speak, however. He was in so much physical pain that he nearly choked trying to keep his whimpers and yelps down. He couldn't bring himself to speak to her anyway. He didn't deserve to speak to her. He'd failed her too many times, he'd done unthinkable things. She was better off with the dog after all, really. Jasper didn't know why he thought he stood a chance, why he thought he could be good enough for her. Not him; the _monster_.

* * *

In all honesty, Bella wished that Jasper wouldn't have stepped in to stop her. Maria could come at her. She wouldn't be able to do much of anything, but she sure as hell would have tried. As long as she would have been able to put an effort into it, as long at she could at least _feel _like she was paying her back for hurting Jasper, it would be enough to die with.

And she felt like that. She _did _want to die after what she'd seen. One bite and it could have cured the hurt she felt. Hurt, that Bella didn't think would ever go away. But she couldn't blame him. It wasn't Jasper's fault. It was his choice, his own decision. He'd chosen Maria. He'd chosen Alice. He didn't choose Bella. It was a classic case of unrequited love. But Bella didn't want to just attribute it to that. It made it seem like it was just another bad ending in a story she'd read once upon a time or a movie she'd seen. She always felt bad for the women who could love so fully with their entire heart and not have it return. She always sympathized with them. But until recently, she couldn't empathize. Not in the same way. Now, though, she could. Why did she ever think that she would find him and he'd be happy to see her? Why did she let herself hope even for a second and risk that it could be broken?

Silly Bella.

As badly as she hurt, as much as she felt like she was reduced to nothing but fragments of a being, Jasper was still more important. He always would be to her. It was clear that he would never look at her the same way she did of him, but that didn't change how much she loved him. It just changed the amount of hurt the rejection caused. Pushing aside everything else until she was numb to feeling any of it, she dropped to her knees beside him.

"Jasper," she whispered. It didn't even sound like her voice. She forgot what it felt like to have his name on her tongue and now, she didn't even fathom how she could say it aloud.

All she wanted to do want just make sure he was okay. Then she would leave. She would go back to Jacksonville, as far away from him as he wanted her to go. Just... he had to be all right first. She pulled his arm toward her, laying it in her lap. Both of her hands went to unclench his fist so that one could hold his hand. Her other hand held his forearm, a little ways up from his wound. It was an angry red, the same as the cut had been from the newborn. But this looked worse and she could _feel _his pain. She didn't think it would work, but Bella was just desperate to somehow make him feel better. Leaning down, she closed her eyes and blew warm air against his wrist. Her mother used to do that when Bella would skin her knees or tear up her palms and it always soothed her. Again, she doubted it would help Jasper.

But she could try.

* * *

Jasper did not deserve her care. The fact that she was touching him was almost more punishment in of itself. As much as he longed for her touch, and had missed the way her warm skin felt against his icy flesh, it was very difficult for him to be so close to her. Her kindness and the tender way she was cradling his wounded limb was almost too much for him to bear. She should be screaming at him, berating him for failing her, for not being good enough, for her shame in him. She wasn't, and that was worse to him than if she was.

Yet, Jasper did not move. He was still so numb, and the stone wall around his heart had not yet crumbled. He couldn't let it. He couldn't fall apart in front of her now. Bella would comfort him further and he was not worthy of that. He wasn't worth her concern. Jasper looked at the ground while she blew gently against his wound. It was true, that it couldn't do much to combat the venom. All he could truly do for that was wait it out until it healed and scarred over. But it was the _gesture _that was so soothing, and that was what made it feel better.

"Thank you," he said quietly, once he was able to formulate words again. That wasn't nearly enough to encompass his gratitude for her compassion.

He didn't pull away from her, even though he wanted to. But Jasper knew the sort of reaction she would have if he did something like that. She shouldn't be touching such a 'hideous creature,' as Maria had dubbed him. She shouldn't be here in the woods with him. She should've been enjoying her life, even if it was with Jacob. Jasper had no idea what had brought her out here, or why she was alone. But it wasn't any of his business anymore, was it?

"I'll take you home." He pulled his shirt to him, as it was within arm's reach from where he was sitting, and started to slide it on. He managed to get his good arm through the sleeve, but the bad arm.. He stopped. Bella would have to let go of him for him to even be able to try, though he wasn't sure he'd be able to do it.

"If you'd like to go ahead, I'll keep watch to make sure you're safe." He could at least do that. He wouldn't make her walk with him. He wouldn't force himself to be in her presence.

He lowered his head further and kept his gaze on the ground. He wanted the heartache, truly. Anything was better than this numbness. But Jasper wasn't even sure he was strong enough to break down the stone wall surrounding his heart to allow him to feel that pain. He never thought he would yearn for something so miserable, but he was praying for it now. Feeling something would always be better than feeling nothing. But no one was answering his prayers. And why would they? He was in his own personal hell now, and no one was going to listen.

* * *

Bella had to look away when he tugged on his shirt. She knew why it had been off in the first place. It brought back a memory. The night he'd fought the newborn off, it had been torn and tattered as a result of the encounter. It was removed because he was wounded. This time though, his shirt was off before he'd taken a bite to the wrist. And it hadn't been by Bella. It had been by the woman who was responsible for the vicious red mark that burned against his skin. Bella knew he didn't have any hesitation when she put her hands on the fabric, not like he did when the brunette had done the same. He didn't push _her_ away when she was too bold with her kisses. He didn't tell _her _no.

"No," she said when he offered to take her home to ensure she was safe. "I'll be fine," she said.

She turned her back, willing herself to succumb to feeling nothing but numb again. Bella would tell him it was unnecessary because he was too much of a gentleman to just do what he wanted instead of what was polite. He didn't want to look after her. He didn't want to ensure that she was safe. He didn't want to take her home. He didn't even want to _look_ at her. Jasper didn't want to be found – that much was obvious. But even more so, he didn't want to be found by _Bella_. He was in enough pain as it was as a result of Maria's bite. He didn't need to be tortured by seeing someone he couldn't stand, who he just wanted to be rid of. It was true that he'd pushed Maria away before her advances went any further. But that didn't mean anything when it came to Bella. That didn't mean he wanted her instead.

It was difficult to stay numb as she walked blindly through the woods. The images of him rolling around with the raven beauty, kissing her, touching her – they made Bella feel sick. It was punishment for looking for him when he didn't want her to find him. But that didn't make it any easily to swallow. She felt dizzy, her vision blurred. She couldn't remember where to go, the direction in which she'd come. She couldn't remember how to get back to her truck, where the road was. She couldn't see the trees in front of her or the ground or the sky. She could just see his lips on Maria's, his hands.

The pain was winning. The dizziness was taking over. She was _feeling_. She was _hurting_. The numbness was fading. As it did, Bella began to panic. She needed to get back to her truck before she broke down. But the fact that she couldn't remember where to go wasn't helping her. She started walking faster, still blind to everything except images that she wanted to burn from her memory.

"I can't remember," she choked, trying harder to hold back tears as she pushed branches out of her way and stumbled along.

But because she was in such a hurry and trying so _desperately_ to get out of there before she broke, she wasn't paying enough attention and her feet caught on a log. Bella fell, scraping her hands and crumbling to the ground. As soon as she hit it, she couldn't take it anymore. The pain overtook her and she gave up trying to fight it. Instead, she curled up, wrapping her arms around herself, and cried.

* * *

Of course she didn't want his help. Why should she? Jasper wasn't good enough to look after her, and he couldn't take care of her properly. He loved her, but he'd messed everything up, and she didn't want him anymore. He wasn't sure why she'd been out there on her own, but he did know that sometimes she had a tendency to wander. Jasper wasn't really thinking about that right now, though. He wasn't really thinking at all. He was just existing, in a world that didn't even seem real.

Was all of this possible? Or was he the first vampire fall asleep and have nightmares? His worst fears had all come true, and his whole world was crashing down around him. He'd lost Bella to Jacob because of his own failures, and Maria had surfaced, scarring him further. What was worse, Bella had seen him with Maria and further damaged any hopes of rebuilding the world that had crumbled around him. The worst part of all was the fact that Jasper was still numb to all of it. He would have welcomed the pain and the shame that should have been consuming him, but instead he was just sitting there, emotionless with a blank look on his face.

Jasper could not just let her walk off on her own. Even though she had said she did not need his help, he couldn't risk her being in danger. While he could no longer pick up Maria's scent, that did not mean there weren't other dangers lurking in these woods, nor did it mean Maria wouldn't come back. Gathering himself up off the ground, he managed to pull his shirt on the rest of the way, though he did not bother with the buttons. Jasper kept a safe distance so she would not realize he was following her. He could not feel her pain, or her sadness. He knew she was hurting, though. He could see it on her face and in the way she was carrying herself. The longer she walked, the more frantic she became in her steps and motions. When she fell, Jasper cursed himself for not being closer to her so he could catch her.

He watched her as she curled up and cried, and wished he could feel that pain too. But there was nothing. He watched her as she cried, wishing he could comfort her, but how could he when he couldn't even feel her pain? What good would it do? She wouldn't want him to anyway. There was someone who _could _comfort her, though. Jacob. Maybe, if he could just get her back to her truck, she'd be able to get home and Jacob could do what Jasper could not. He still wanted to protect her, and if that would make her safe, then he'd do it.

Without a word, Jasper came out from his hiding place and picked up her fallen form. He did not hold her intimately, but did handle her with great care. It did not take the vampire long to find the edge of the woods, which led him right to where she'd left her vehicle. He wasn't even sure if Bella was aware of that he'd carried her out of the woods or not. It didn't matter. He opened the door to the driver's side of the truck and set her inside, then closed the door and walked off, disappearing into the woods again. He was still close, but out of sight. Jasper decided he would stay there until she left. He didn't want her driving in a hysterical state, however. In order to prevent that, he used his power to calm her, to take the edge off her pain enough for her to think clearly. She needed to be able to function in order to drive. To drive herself back into Jacob's arms. Jasper looked down and away from her truck. He didn't know where he was going to go now, but he knew he couldn't follow her home.

* * *

**Important Author's Note:** Right off the bat, we're going to say that we're sorry, some of you will be unhappy with this chapter. But it had to happen. Please don't be discouraged. Misunderstandings, hard times, and painful situations are what make a story. It can't be happy all the time. But that _doesn't_ mean it will be like this forever. We don't want to give too much away (what's the fun in that?), but please have faith in Jasper and Bella and this story. We are the biggest Jasper/Bella shippers there are, trust us. But we write the characters very true to themselves. They feel pain and they deal with it in the way they know how. It's important for us to explore that, not just get inside their heads when everything is going well. Please keep reading! We'll have the next chapter posted shortly in which you will have a LOT of Jasper and Bella interaction. We won't say how it goes because we want that to be a surprise. But stay tuned! As always, we love your feedback. Your reviews are our favorite thing to read. Keep them coming! :) Cheers.

**Lyrics:** 30 Minutes- T.A.T.U


	18. Chapter 18

_Here, you can be anything, anything that scares you_  
_I think that scares you_  
_Here, I've been here before, but only by myself_  
_I promised I'd see this again_  
_I promised I'd see this with you now ;;_

It was hard to determine what exactly had happened that day when Bella fell in the woods, overwhelmed and defeated by a dozen warring emotions that left her feeling emptied and drained. She was only vaguely aware of the fact that the ground seemed to leave her and she was floating, flying, weightless. And hour later when she fully became aware of her surroundings again, she realized where she was. Initially, she wondered if she'd fallen asleep when she was looking for Jasper and everything that had just happened had been a dream. It would have worked to be believable… had she not still felt so much pain when she opened her eyes and noted where she was. She had accomplished what she'd set out to do – find Jasper. But she had gotten a lot more than she ever would have bargained for.

If a pain was so great that it was all-consuming, it would have made sense for most people to do whatever they could have to try and avoid it, do something that would lessen the way it felt. Perhaps they would have come up with ways to distract themselves from it, surround themselves with people and activities that had no ties to it, and thus, hope to be able to somehow cope with what it was doing to them. That is what _most _people would have done.

Bella Swan was not most people, however. Instead of trying to avoid the pain of the memory from the day in the woods, she let it take over. She didn't try to fight it off or cope with it. How could she? She didn't have Jasper any longer. And he didn't want her. There would be nothing that she could do to lessen the hurt that such a thing caused and thus, it was pointless to even make an attempt. Believing that something could take the place of how she felt about him, regardless of everything, was an insult to any relationship they'd ever had. But what did a person do when the one thing that mattered most to them in the world was nowhere to be found?

Mostly, they wallowed. They wallowed in grief. But not only that, they did everything they could to try and feel close to that thing – or in Bella's case, that _person_ - that they could have. It was only a few days since she'd driven back to her house that night with the understanding that she would never have Jasper back, but those few days had been full of him. Sleep had become an extremely rare occurrence. Bella was far too afraid that if she did, the only thing she would see would be Jasper. Rather, Jasper with _Maria_. The fear was enough to push away drowsiness and keep her lying awake at night. When she should have been sleeping, instead, she was reading. Every book that she'd checked out from the library at Port Angeles had been torn through. She stayed up for hours and hours, researching, reading, learning. He was in two books. The first had been the one that she'd initially read his name in the day they'd had their original outing to the library. The second was an unexpected find. Unexpected, yes, but more beneficial than what the first book had been. This particular text had a bigger section about him, more details about his initial joining of the Confederacy and his leadership there on out. Most importantly, this book also had a picture. Bella's breath caught in her throat when she saw it, shocked so badly that she dropped the book in a clatter to the floor. She'd retrieved it and frantically turned back to the page. There, right on the bottom left above his name, was his picture. He wasn't smiling, but there was something about his eyes. They were proud, almost... secretive. Just like his smile had been in her dream. And like in her dream, he was wearing his uniform and printed in sepia tones.

She stared at the picture for hours. When she should have been sleeping, instead, she was fixated on his picture. In that picture, she pretended like he still loved her, like it was the picture she would look at if they'd lived together back then. It didn't give her 'hope' – that wouldn't be the right word to use anymore. But it gave her something to hold onto to.

In keeping with her masochistic ways, Bella, on one very dark afternoon, decided to drive to the old fairground. She knew the way by heart though she had never actually driven the route herself. She had always viewed it from the passenger side and often that view was obstructed because she was far too transfixed on Jasper, but she managed. She made it there exactly as she'd planned. It was cold for the summer, but she didn't care. It was going to storm something awful. But again, Bella didn't care. She didn't care about anything.

Except this place.

It hurt. It _hurt_ to be there without him, but she had expected it to. That was not a surprise. For quite some time, she lay curled up in their carriage. When it started to rain, Bella didn't move. She only closed her eyes to listen to it and imagine that she was somewhere else. Or rather, that she was in the same place, just at a different time. And she wasn't alone.

* * *

After seeing that Bella was able to drive normally on the day he carried her to her truck, Jasper returned to the woods to hunt. The events preceding his hunt had left him very thirsty and that was taken care of by feeding on a bear. He remained in in that area for another couple of days before he finally left the woods. Much to Esme's delight, he returned to the Cullen house. He needed to change his clothes. Before he'd gone there, though, he stopped by and picked up Annabelle from where he left her a long time ago. It felt good to be in the driver's seat again and he wasted no time in pulling out into traffic. He did not stop until he'd pulled into the garage at his family's home. He'd hoped they would all be out hunting so he could go in, get clothes, and leave. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. They were all there, going about their lives.

Esme had been the happiest to see him. She embraced her blonde son tightly upon seeing him and was loathe to let go. Even though it was universally understood between those in the Cullen house that sometimes Jasper went off to be on his own, that didn't mean he wasn't missed while he was gone - by Esme, at least. Jasper just came home to take a shower and change his clothing. He also needed to speak with Carlisle about recent events. He would leave out most of the details, but Carlisle needed to know that Maria was in the area. Fortunately he knew that she was not the one organizing newborns; if she had been, then they would have had much more of a reason to worry. But, having her looking for the newborns' leader was definitely nerve-racking.

Once he'd delivered the message and changed his clothing, Jasper hugged Esme goodbye. She made him promise he would get a cell phone soon and he intended to after smashing his old one. So he promised his mother he would get one within a few days and call as soon as he had it. For now though, he was on his own for a while. Jasper wasn't sure where he was going to go, but he stopped along the way to fuel up Annabelle. Then he was on his way. He drove around for hours, stopping again, but only to put the top up on his car. It was going to rain at any moment, and he did not want the interior of his car to be damaged.

He wasn't sure what made him do it. There was no logical reason behind his decision to go there, but he still went anyway. Jasper turned onto the road that would lead him to the abandoned fairgrounds. Maybe he'd gone in the hopes that he would _feel_ something again. Maybe he wanted to remember happier times. Regardless of the reason, he was getting closer and closer to the area. In the distance, Jasper thought he could see another vehicle parked in front of the abandoned carnival. They didn't make any sense at all. For as long as they'd been going there, his car was always the only one parked out front. They were always the only two. As he drew nearer, Jasper soon realized that they still were the only two. Unless, she'd brought someone else with her. But that was definitely Bella's truck that he saw. What was she doing here? He hoped beyond hope that she had not brought Jacob. He did not believe the dog would be there. Bella, even if she did not want Jasper anymore, would surely have more respect for him and what they had than to bring Jacob to this place. So then, that meant...

He drove faster, stopping only when he'd parked his car next to her truck. He shut the door quickly and stepped out. A drop of rain was the first to greet him, followed quickly by several more. Jasper didn't care.

Bella. _Bella_.

She was all he could think about. He had to see her. He had to make sure she was all right. He quickly walked through the entrance as more rain started to fall. It seemed like the sky was crying the tears he hadn't been able to release throughout all of his sadness, especially now that he wasn't feeling anything at all. His clothes were starting to get soaked as he walked quickly through the fair on the familiar route that would take him to the carousel. If Bella truly was there, and that truck hadn't been a cruel trick of fate, then that was where she would be.

...And there she was, curled up in the seat of their carriage.

"Bella.."

He wasn't sure if she would had heard his voice or not, as it _was_ raining and he had not spoken very loudly at all. But somehow, in that moment, a crack formed in the stone wall around his heart. Just seeing her there, he knew he needed her. He knew that no matter what had happened between them, that he was always going to need her, he was always going to _love_ her. And he at least needed her to know that. Jasper started to walk again, the rain falling faster, splashing against the concrete as his feet carried him faster towards the carousel.

* * *

This was another time when Bella's imagination was so vivid, so complex, that it was spinning stories she wished to be true effortlessly. As she closed her eyes and let the steady sound of the rain lull her into relaxation, her mind drew pictures of things that didn't follow suit with the pain that she felt where her heart used to be. She remembered other things now, things that didn't have anything to do with that day in the woods or the day when she'd gone looking for Jasper when he didn't show up after he'd hunted as planned. Though nothing would ever erase the way her chest ached knowing that such memories would never amount to anything, never repeat themselves, it wasn't enough to cause her to stop dwelling in happier pictures.

The first time they'd found this place was one of her favorites. She remembered his carefree attitude, the way she would feel his calm and comfort as he drove them around, holding her hand so delicately in his. Jasper had told her that they would know their destination when they found it. This – this now bittersweet place – had been it. It wasn't anything modern or fancy or elegant by any means. But then again, they had never been any of those things either. It was different; it held character. Bella had fallen in love with it from the second he'd parked his car in the abandoned parking lot. She had fallen in love with it just as she had fallen in love with Jasper.

She wondered if maybe she'd fallen for him sooner than she gave herself credit for. Maybe, even, it had been the first time he'd come to watch over her house, the night that she'd called frantically after someone had been in her room. She could still remember the way he looked that night. It, like today, had been raining. His hair was still damp, the curls a bit unruly when he came back into her bedroom wearing Charlie's clothes. Just as clearly as if it were that morning, she could still picture the way the fabric stretched across his chest and shoulders and sagged slightly around his middle. She could see still the sliver of skin that lay between that shirt and his bottoms, well defined and pale white.

Maybe that had been the first time she fell in love with Jasper. Maybe, it had been that very second when she laughed for the first time in months upon seeing him, that she fell in love with him and everything else that had followed was just pieces fitting into the puzzle. It made sense to her. She could have admitted to that if she was asked and the idea had been presented to her. Loving Jasper had always been something that was so effortless. Even though they had everything stacked against them it seemed, actually _loving _him had never been anything but easy for Bella.

It was funny. Even now, even when it hurt so badly to think about it since it was no longer requited in the same way, Bella still loved him just as much, just as _effortlessly_ as before. It was a true testament to her feelings for him when she could still possess that love, in such great amounts no less, when she didn't even have a heart anymore to house such an emotion. How was that possible? It was a question that would fit along with so many others that weren't meant to be answered, ones that never had any chance of a logical solution. Especially if Jasper was long gone. But even then, even when she felt _hopeless_, she could still feel _him_. She swore she could even hear his voice over the sound of the rain. It was enough to draw a smile to her lips.

_Jasper_.

There were things, though, that even an elaborate mind couldn't dream up as much as she wanted it to. And for that reason, Bella didn't understand fully what happened next. When she opened her eyes to look out at the rain, wishing to see him there, wishing to wake up from this never-ending dream… He was there. Jasper was _there_. Had she not been hearing things? Had he really said her name?

Of course not. He wouldn't want her name on his lips anymore. He wouldn't want to come to this place ever again. He would never want to see her. Why did her mind keep _doing _this to her? Sitting up, she stared longingly at the figure approaching the carousel, counting the seconds until the beautiful hallucination evaporated. She'd seen this before. She'd watched him in the rain before in sepia colored vision. Why wasn't he disappearing yet? Why did he just keep getting closer?

Bella felt desperation. She, like she did in her dream, started to move. She picked herself up from inside the carriage and stepped out into the rain, never taking her eyes away from Jasper. _Jasper_. Jasper. When the rain hit her, showering her in realization and in clarity, Bella felt a tug in her chest right where her heart used to be. She didn't have any answers to the questions that were all beneath the surface: why was he there? What did this mean? Instead, she only had one answer.

_Jasper_.

Her legs propelled her forward, splashing through the moisture that covered the fairground. She couldn't see from the way the rain made everything blurry, and yet, he was perfectly visible to her, every last detail on his face. This could have been a dream, yes. This might have only been the one that she'd experienced before, just in a different context. But it didn't matter. Either way, Bella was going to get the ending to the dream that she never managed to have before waking. She was running now, closing the shorter distance between them. When she finally got to him, when she _finally _reached him, everything clicked into place like it had the first time their puzzle had been made. Throwing her arms around his neck, Bella kissed him, making whatever dream this was a reality and giving it the conclusion it deserved.

But this was no dream. This was _real_.

* * *

Jasper had no idea what was happening, or why. He didn't know what had made him drive to the fairgrounds at that moment, or why he felt compelled to get out of the car in the rain. Nowhere else to go, perhaps. Maybe if he went there, if he sat in their carriage, he might feel something again. Whatever the reason, he was there. He didn't know why _Bella _was there. What reason did she have to come here anymore? Did she not have a special place with Jacob yet? Was she waiting for him to meet her here? Surely not. So then why? Why would she come to a place that held so much meaning for the two of them, when she did not want him anymore?

It didn't matter.

As soon as he saw her, all of the unknown reasons were gone. All of his doubts, all of his thoughts, everything. The memory of her curled up with Jacob on her couch had faded into obscurity. His collapse with Alice's wedding dress had been put behind him. The run in with Maria meant nothing right now. Their separation in the woods was obsolete. All that mattered was that they were both here, in this moment together. He wanted to be with her, hold her and kiss her. His whole world was rushing at him with each step Bella took in his direction. He quickened his own pace, though he did not run at her. Had he done so, he might crush her upon their impact. Instead he just walked faster towards her to meet her in the middle.

The impact of her body against his caused another crack to pierce through the stone that encased his heart. He was still very guarded, but it was enough for his love to seep through as his arms wrapped around her. He felt hers immediately finding their way around his neck and as they held each other he lifted her off the ground, capturing her lips in a deep, passionate kiss. He held her body firmly against his, not about to let her go. One arm braced her back, his fingers tangling in her wet hair, while his other arm was locked around her waist. If Jasper had his way, he'd never let Bella go.

All the heartache, misunderstandings, hardships and obstacles that drove them apart were irrelevant right now, washed away by the pouring rain. They would no doubt surface again, and they would face them together and find a way to heal. This moment was pivotal. This kiss, this embrace, it was the first step. This rain, this cleansing rain, could melt away the pain they'd endured and allow them to be together. Jasper didn't care what it took; he'd find a way to make Bella whole again. He'd find that smile she had that was reserved for him. He'd find a way to break down the wall around his heart so he could love her the way she deserved. But for now, he would just kiss her, and continue to kiss her as the rain washed away their troubles.

* * *

Bella hadn't been thinking things through. Such a fact was obvious in the way she acted without considering the facts before doing so. If she would have stopped, she would have remembered that while her feelings for Jasper never wavered for an instant, it was clear that his had. It was one thing for him to mourn the loss of his wife. Bella could understand that she would never, ever be able to live up to Alice's legacy, nor ever take her place even in comparison. While that had hurt her to witness, it was something that Bella couldn't question. It was his _wife_. For decades, it had been his _wife _and if Jasper didn't want anyone else, Bella would understand. She would never question that. Instead, she would accept it as she had done. But even though she accepted it and wouldn't try to sway him or persuade him in any way to return her feelings, she'd needed Jasper to know that the ones she had for him were genuine and that they were not going away. Ever. That had been why she went looking for him. He needed to know the truth about how _she_ felt, regardless of how _he_ did.

When she found him with Maria, it ripped a hole through her. The effect was so strong because it was someone else. It was someone, aside from Alice, that wasn't her. It was someone who'd hurt him so badly in the past, who scarred him in every possible sense, and yet, she had been the one whose arms he went to. Not Bella's. For that, she knew she wasn't good enough. She hadn't been the one he wanted, even when he couldn't have the one he _truly_ needed to have – Alice. Even though he'd later rejected Maria, the initial need, desire, _want _had still been there, still be witnessed. It was something that, again, Bella would just have to accept, even though it would kill her to do so.

Even though she'd resorted to these truths, it didn't matter. Even though she would hate herself if he pushed her away because she put him in that position that he so obviously didn't want to be in, it _didn't _matter. Nothing could have stopped her from running to him. Nothing could have kept her apart from him when she saw him standing in the rain.

But things happened in a way that she didn't expect. Bella didn't expect Jasper to kiss her back, to lift her off the ground and hold her close to him. She didn't expect him to react in the way she _wanted _him to. But he did.

His lips tasted better than anything she could remember; his scent, the sweetest smell. Her legs wrapped around his middle when he lifted her from the ground, hands losing themselves in his wet, curly locks. Bella didn't dare break apart from his lips until she was forced to take a breath, but even then, there had been a moment when she contemplated just suffocating instead. It would have been worth it. She would have easily chosen death if it meant this could be her last moment.

The only reason she decided to break apart to take the air she needed was because she wanted to look at him. When she did, that breath she'd taken was stolen immediately. The look on his face… she'd seen it before. It was the same one in the picture she'd found in her book, that very same look in his eyes. It was raining so hard on both of them, that Bella's tears were lost among the drops hitting her face, but she was crying. It was on account of nothing but happiness. Nothing else mattered in this moment except how she felt about him, how he felt about her. Anything that preceded it in a negative light was forgotten for now.

Bella leaned in to kiss him again, whispering his name against his lips. This kiss didn't last quite as long, but that was because she started to kiss every inch of his face she could reach – his jaw, his cheeks, his nose, his forehead. It was as if she'd waited to see him for years and now they were reunited. To Bella, it felt like centuries. But that, like everything else besides Jasper, didn't matter now.

* * *

Having Bella in his arms again made his world feel complete. It made _him_ feel complete. They were together, and nothing else mattered now. All he wanted, all he needed, was literally in his grasp. The best part of it was, she'd come to him willingly. Bella _wanted_ to come to him. Jasper didn't understand why, but he didn't need to. Actions spoke louder than words, and as cliche as that was, it was the truth. She didn't have to say anything right now; she didn't have to explain herself, and he wasn't about to ruin this moment by trying to explain himself either. Their kiss said it all. _I love you_, and that was all that needed to be said right now.

Kissing her was something Jasper would never grow tired of. Her lips were so, so soft, and warm. His own lips ached for hers, and were never satisfied unless their lips were pressed to each other. Jasper kissed her until she pulled back. He breathed in, taking in her scent, which he'd missed so very much. He gazed at her, able to see clearly even in the pouring rain. There was no smile on his face, because his emotions were still cut off. But it would be clear that his eyes were for Bella alone. He could see the difference between rain droplets and the tears running down her cheeks. That wouldn't do. He didn't want her to cry, even if they were tears of joy. Though at the same time, to see someone expressing their emotions so purely, even in tears, was the most beautiful thing in the world to Jasper. He watched her for only a moment before he kissed her tears away.

As her name fell off his lips, Jasper held her closer and kissed her deeply. This time when she broke away, he felt her lips kissing his face, his jaw, everywhere she could reach. Jasper just held her against him and continued to breathe in her scent. He never wanted this moment to end, ever. He just wanted to lose himself in her, to hold her, kiss her, and be with her forever. That wasn't possible, though. At least, it wasn't possible for them to stay _there _forever. She'd get sick if she stayed outside in this weather for too long.

"I need to get you out of the rain," he whispered into her hair, but made no move to let her go.

* * *

It was strange that Bella couldn't feel his emotions coming off of him. Usually, whatever he felt could be easily read just by being in his presence. Even though she was as close as she could be physically with her limbs wrapped around him tightly, she couldn't feel whatever he was feeling. It was a first for her and she wasn't sure what to read into that. His actions said that he wanted her, that he was happy to see her and he liked her being so close to him, but she couldn't be assured of it unless he told her or she felt it.

But even with such a peculiar truth, it didn't change the way she was feeling. And it would be impossible for him to not feel those things radiating from her. Love; That was the strongest one she had. It was the one thing that overpowered anything else in that moment. Hurt was still there. Pain was still there. Confusion, fear, doubt – they were all there. But every last one of them had been pushed aside to make room for the love she felt. At least he wouldn't be able to doubt that. Jasper wouldn't be able to doubt that as far as that single emotion was concerned, he had all of hers.

When Jasper said he needed to get her out of the rain, she could barely hear him. She pressed her cheek to his, nuzzling his face. The rain _was_ making it harder to at least be comfortable. It was cold, despite it still being a summer storm, and when she touched his skin, she shivered. But she was so afraid that if she agreed, he would separate from her. She was so scared that if she acted too quickly, it would _end _too quickly. Bella didn't want to be separated from him, not again. She didn't know if she would survive that again for as fragile as she already was.

Though she was hardly a whimsical person, and instead, was usually one that relied on common sense to get her through most things in addition to logical thought, Bella turned very uncharacteristic of herself in that respect when she spoke. "Let's just run away," she said against his neck, pulling him closer.

She didn't want to let go of him. She _couldn't._ Bella didn't even want to get back to reality. Though this essentially _was_, the only thing in this current reality was this fairground. It was only the two of them. She didn't want to give that up so soon when there were so many things that threatened to tear them apart, so many _people_ that threatened to tear them apart.

"Let's just go," she pleaded. "Just the two of us."

* * *

Jasper knew that the icy temperature of his skin could not be helping Bella's comfort level very much - in the literal sense, at least. She had to be freezing, on top of already being soaked from the rain. He did not want her falling ill because of it, so he knew he had to get her out of the rain and warmed up before that happened. It was hard, though, to think of leaving this place. It already held so many fond memories for them, and now it was also the sight of where they were reunited after being separated for so long. Leaving almost seemed cruel, and Jasper would've been lying if he said he didn't fear his world would come crumbling down if they left. Bella's health was more important to him than that.

Her words reached his ears and he just held her a bit tighter. Running away would not solve everything. It would not do away with their obstacles and issues. But... Maybe by leaving they could have the time they needed to heal themselves of their wounds. They could figure out how to overcome the obstacles they were facing, and address concerns directly rather than skirting around them or avoiding them all together. They could just be Bella and Jasper for a while, with nothing else to hinder their love.

Jasper did not verbally answer her, but he did nod his head and kiss her temple.

He turned, keeping Bella in his arms. He carried her back towards the parking lot where both her truck and Annabelle were parked. Once he obtained a new cell phone, he would call Carlisle and ask that he and either Emmett or Esme come fetch her truck and take it back to the house. He didn't know what Bella would tell Charlie, but right now all he could think about was getting her warm and getting her away as she requested. They could worry about any loose ends later. One step at a time, and the first was to get her out of the rain.

He carried her to Annabelle, unlocking the door and reluctantly setting her down in her seat. Jasper made sure she was situated and lightly caressed her cheek, then walked around to the back of the car. He opened the trunk, pulled out a fleece blanket and took it to her, draping it over her. He closed her door for her, then walked around to the driver's side of the car. He'd worry about the interior later. There was very little that could be done about that now. He closed his door, then put the key in the ignition and brought Annabelle to life. He pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road, unsure of where it would take them.

That didn't matter, though. He had Bella beside him. Wherever they went, to Jasper, it would be home.

* * *

Jasper didn't need to say anything out loud. His agreement in the form of a kiss and nod would suffice well enough for Bella. She held onto him tightly when he walked the two of them to his car. It was so comforting to be in his arms like this, clinging to him tightly. She buried her face against his chest and closed her eyes, tightening her legs and arms around him. That was one good thing about him being unbreakable – she could hold onto him as tightly as she wanted and it would never hurt him. She only wished she could say the same thing about herself. But Bella wouldn't waste her time right now worrying about their differences. Right now, the only thing that mattered was that they were similar in that they both wanted to get away.

She didn't think much about the details right now and wouldn't for quite some time until they'd arrived wherever they wound up. She knew she would have to contact Charlie and tell him she was at least okay, but aside from that, there was nothing that was concerning her for the moment. They didn't have anything packed, nothing at all prepared for a trip. Even the clothes on their backs were soaked through. But such concerns flew out the window. Later. Later when they had to talk through everything else, they would be able to figure it out. For now, all that mattered was the road that led them away from Forks.

It was difficult to let go of him. Bella usually wasn't one to cling by any means, but she had a fear of being away from Jasper now that she wasn't sure she would be able to get rid of anytime soon. Nor was she sure she even wanted to. When he situated her in the car with the blanket, she pulled it around herself, trying to cover as much of her wet clothes as she could in order to spare Annabelle. As soon as he joined her, Bella fished out his hand, linking her fingers with his. She didn't plan on letting go anytime soon.

Throughout the journey, her eyes only remained on him. She didn't know where they were going or what surroundings were passing them by as he drove, but it didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was ensuring that he stay with her. For that reason, she was so afraid to even blink her eyes too often. Bella was so _afraid_ that if she closed them, if she fell asleep even for a second (though her body was screaming with physical and emotional exhaustion), that he would be gone when they opened once more. It wasn't a risk she could take. So, the entire time they drove, her eyes never left the perfect features of his face.

* * *

While driving, Jasper turned up the heat in order to help Bella warm up. He knew that her holding his hand wouldn't be doing her any favors in that regard, so every little bit helped. Annabelle fortunately had fairly good heat circulation so it did not take very long for the warm air to fill the car. Jasper did not even feel it, but he hoped that it would help Bella and prevent her from falling ill. He'd hoped she would fall asleep. Not because he did not want her company, but because he knew she probably needed it. She had to be tired, and he knew that sleep would probably help to pass the time for her.

He didn't really say anything while he was driving. Jasper usually was able to always find something to talk about while in Bella's presence. That was effortless, just like everything else that went on between them. He probably could have started to talk about pretty much anything, but right now words just did not seem appropriate. They needed to get to their destination, wherever it was, so that they could talk about everything that needed to be addressed. Bella would need to get some sleep first, because he wanted her completely with him and coherent when they spoke. Though Jasper still found her to be gorgeous, he did not like how tired and worn down she looked. What could have been the cause for that? Had she really missed him that much, even with Jacob around? Or was it out of guilt? There were so many questions he had and he hoped he would get an answer to them all.

He drove north for a couple of hours, passing several towns. Jasper did not start out with any intended place to stay. There was no elaborate plan, which was something he wasn't entirely used to because he had several other siblings and parents who planned things out carefully before executing them. But this? This was the most spontaneous thing he'd done in a very long time.

He kept driving, hoping that something would catch his eye and tell him to take the next exit, or to keep going all the way to the ends of the earth. One sign _did _stand out to him, though. Nehalem Bay, Oregon. Carlisle owned a cabin and some land out there. They could stay at the cabin and go to town when necessary. Jasper liked this idea. He'd be able to hunt every now and then as needed too. Occasionally he would look over and see Bella's eyes on him, but he quickly looked back ahead at the road. He lightly squeezed her hand, and kissed it, then tucked them both under her blanket and drove on.

It would be another few hours before they reached their destination. It was a remote fishing town, but they weren't even staying in it. On the outskirts of the town, it was very heavily wooded. The road wound back into the woods, and Jasper continued to follow it until they reached a cabin in the woods. Once there, he nodded towards it.

"Is this all right? It's Carlisle's. I just thought we could be alone here."

* * *

It was becoming increasingly more difficult to keep her eyes on Jasper as badly as Bella wanted to. There were a few times when she couldn't help but to let her eyes close for just a few minutes. But the cold of his hand was enough to remind her that she needed to stay awake. She needed to at least wait until they'd reached a final destination before she could consider herself relaxed enough to actually sleep. Bella wouldn't do it unless she could do so in his arms. It had been so _long _since that happened, that Bella forgot what a good night's sleep actually entailed. It didn't seem to exist unless Jasper was there.

When she felt the car slow somewhat after they'd gotten off at an exit, she took her eyes away from him in order to survey the surroundings. She could smell the scent of the ocean strongly before she could actually see it and she figured out that there were somewhere along the coast. The town was fairly small, but it was bigger than Forks. When he asked her opinion as he explained where they were, Bella looked back at him and nodded. She felt too tired now to even speak much, which, was a shame considering she knew they had so much they needed to talk about with each other. They would have time though. They'd found a haven where they could be alone, just as he'd said. And because it was a place that belonged to Carlisle, she figured that Jasper knew the lay of the land which would be better than if they were to wind up somewhere neither of them had even been before.

Before he could get out of the car, she let go of his hand, leaning over so she could reach her hands to hold his cheeks. Bella kissed him once quickly, just to let Jasper know that she loved him, before pulling back and waiting until he opened her door. Her eyes felt heavy when he lifted her out of the seat, still wrapped up in the blanket. It, like her clothes, was nearly completely dry after hours or driving. Bella was thankful that Jasper carried her inside; she didn't think she would be able to make it on her own for how exhausted she was. Jasper seemed to understand that thought because he took her right to bed before anything else.

Bella wouldn't fight him, nor would she fight sleep any longer. Rather, she would just resort to the fact that before they could do anything, she would need to catch up on the many nights of ill-rest she'd been nursing. She took off her shoes, crawling underneath the covers and reaching for him the moment she was settled. It wasn't until Bella was laying her head on his chest with an arm wrapped around his torso. It was cold, but it was the kind of cold that comforted her. Her lips pressed against the fabric of his shirt once before she sighed. Literally in a matter of seconds afterward, Bella was fast asleep.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Told you guys to trust us. ;) The next chapter has a _lot_ of talking, explaining, and understanding. But rest assured, Jasper and Bella aren't separating any time soon. Please review and let us know your thoughts! Hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Cheers!

**Lyrics:** Just Watch the Fireworks - Jimmy Eat World


	19. Chapter 19

_If I lay here_  
_If I just lay here_  
_Would you lie with me_  
_and just forget the world? ;;_

Jasper knew Bella was exhausted. He couldn't believe she'd managed to stay awake throughout the car ride. He'd taken them to Oregon, specifically to Nehalem Bay. That was where Carlisle's cabin was. He'd gone to it a few times throughout his life with the Cullens, mostly for hunting trips. They'd never stayed for a particularly long stint of time. If not for hunting, they'd come here during a transition period while they sorted out details of where they would travel to next to live for the subsequent chapter of their lives. That seemed appropriate for his and Bella's purpose for leaving. They could stay here until they figured out how to heal and mend their relationship and then go from there. They had a lot to work on, a lot to talk about. But Jasper knew that despite all of that, he truly loved her. As long as they remembered their love, they would be able to get through all the hardships and come out stronger than ever. That was his hope, and that was what drove him to this place.

The cabin was relatively small compared to what one would expect to be a Cullen establishment. It's purpose wasn't to be a permanent residence, however, and Carlisle had not wanted it to stand out or draw attention to them. It was still large enough to house the large coven and give them their own personal space, but it was not extravagant like the mansion they inhabited in Forks. The problem was, it was not stocked with the things that Bella would need while they stayed. There was no food and they had no clothing to change into. Jasper would have taken care of that ahead of time if he'd known they were going to be traveling, but since this was a spontaneous trip and he had no phone, he could not prepare accordingly. But they'd manage. The first priority was for Bella to get some rest. Once she'd slept, they could go from there.

Jasper carried her into one of the bedrooms, the one on the lofted second floor. The main floor was open, with the kitchen and living room one large space. There were two bathrooms, another bedroom, and a den. On the second floor, the bedroom was all that was up there. It was open, too, overlooking the living room and kitchen below. The house _was _fully functional, despite it being rarely lived in. There was running water, electricity, and a functioning kitchen. Esme had designed the cabin-style house a long time ago, and sometimes they rented it out to Carlisle's co-workers or acquaintances in order to make a little money. Fortunately, it was vacated for now and once he got a hold of Carlisle he'd make sure it would stay that way for the duration of their stay. Once Bella was rested, they could go into town to the market for food to stock the cabinets and refrigerator, as well as clothing for them both to have. For now though, he was content just to watch her sleep.

He'd laid her in the bed and covered her up without unwrapping her from the blanket she already had around her. He wanted to make sure she was warm, especially since he got under the covers with her. Jasper watched through half-lidded eyes as she curled up against him and slid her arm across his stomach. It didn't take long at all before he heard her breathing and heartbeat both grow slower and steadied. He watched Bella as she slept, keeping one arm around her covered body and holding her against him. He lightly stroked her hair and occasionally would kiss the top of her head at times throughout her slumber, but mostly he just laid still. He did not want to disturb her or cause her to awaken prematurely before she'd sufficiently slept. They laid there throughout the rest of the evening and night, and far beyond the point where the sun had risen the following day. The cabin had a large window that allowed light to pour in over the kitchen and living room, but also gave a great view of the bay from the lofted room they were sleeping in. It didn't matter to him how long they stayed in bed; he just wanted to be with Bella.

* * *

If she had dreamt that night, it would have been one of two all too familiar dreams: daffodils or reunions, black and white or sepia. Nothing that would cause her to awake in a fright, nothing that would haunt her long afterward. The latter was what she had been fearing enough to keep her from sleep before she set off for the fairground the day before. The reason she still avoided it after she and Jasper found one another had been for a fear that she would have awoken alone. But that night, Bella didn't dream, nor did she wake up alone. Instead, her rest was peaceful, deep and uninterrupted. Though she usually tossed and turned quite frequently and usually resulted in waking in a tangle of sheets and blankets, she was very still that night. Perhaps it was mainly for the fact that she'd been lacking sleep so much that her slumber was deep enough to prevent such occurrences. The only movements she made were small shifts, usually to unconsciously pull Jasper closer to her as she slept. Either way, the rest had been what her body needed in order to restore itself and though she awoke much later than she normally would have the next afternoon, it had been well-needed and worth it in the long run.

She could smell him. That had been what woke her and brought her to her senses quicker than when she opened her eyes – his scent. It had been obstructed the day before by the rain. Even when she was safely nestled into the passenger side seat of Annabelle, where, within the car was a high concentration of Jasper's scent, she couldn't appreciate it fully. Now though, it surrounded her. Bella didn't give that smell quite enough credit. Being without it made her realize just how badly she missed it. It was so distinct, unlike any other. If she wanted to, she wouldn't have been able to think of a good enough comparison for it. Putting it very simply… it was Jasper. There was no sweeter scent in her opinion. Opening her eyes slowly, she let them adjust to the room, taking in what she could before she had to lift them upward to see him. She didn't have to pinch herself to ensure this wasn't a dream. The cool feel of him beside her was enough of an indication, as was the smooth curve of his jawline above her head when she lifted her gaze to him.

Stretching, Bella didn't say anything yet as she pressed up against the side of his body, tightening her arm around him in the process and moving her face to the crook of his neck. There, she inhaled deeply, letting the smell surround her before exhaling with a soft murmur from her lips that was a mixture of lingering sleepiness and utter contentment. Her nose nuzzled against his skin, eyes closing again for a moment to just enjoy the close proximity of him against her. The first and only thing she said for the moment was his name.

"Jasper."

There was no reason for it; surely he already knew she was awake just by her movements and the change in both her heart rate and her breathing pattern. No reason… other than the fact that she'd missed _saying_ it. She had been mindful though, to keep her lips against his neck. Bella was always conscious of the fact that she didn't smell as good as he did, especially her breath, and especially in the morning. Usually she kept the conversation to a bare minimum to nonexistent before she had a chance to brush her teeth. She knew, though, that talking was a big point on their agenda. How that would bode well with that fact that she didn't have her toiletries, or anything else for that matter, was lost on Bella.

There was something of a quick fix though. Giving him another squeeze and a kiss to his neck, the sleepy brunette rolled out of bed, shedding the blankets that enveloped her as she got to her feet. She hadn't really taken much note of the cabin the night before, but she could appreciate its simple elegance now. Currently, she appreciated the use of one of the bathrooms. Spending a few minutes in there, she made sure to wash up a bit before returning to him. Again, there was little she could do since they hadn't been planning this, but she managed as best as she could. Running the water tap on cold, she splashed a few handfuls on her face to help cast off the drowsiness that always hung on after just waking from a long sleep. She filled her hands and brought them to her face to take a mouthful of water, squishing and sloshing it around her cheeks and teeth before spitting it out. It didn't do much, again, but she did feel like she at least a little cleaner for the time being. Repeating the process two more times to be sure, she turned the tap off and went back to the bedroom where Jasper waited.

Crawling over toward him, she pulled him in close for an embrace, wrapping her arms around him tightly. "Good morning," she said, resting her chin on his shoulder.

* * *

Jasper really could have laid there for another day if she needed it, or even longer. He never grew tired of watching her sleep, though this was a little different than in nights past when she'd slept beside him. She wasn't dreaming, from what he could tell. Bella was a talker when she dreamt, and she typically would move around, and her eyelids would twitch. That night, she'd been very still. The steady rise and fall of her chest and the sound of her beating heart were the only movements her body made throughout the night and the morning, save for the occasional shift to get closer to him. Those movements made him smile. He liked that she wanted to be close to him. It made him feel a little less like a monster, that someone so beautiful and pure could feel so comfortable with him that she'd allow herself the vulnerability of slumber in his presence.

Jasper watched her as she stirred out of her slumber, working her way back towards consciousness. He liked to watch her shift from subconscious to reality. It was interesting to him, since he couldn't remember what it was like to sleep and wake up. There was an uneven pattern to her heartbeat until it found its conscious rhythm and her breathing increased in its speed ever so slightly. Jasper had memorized these shifts over the many nights he'd spend beside her, and he'd missed them in his absence at her bedside. He breathed in the scent of her hair once more before he knew she was awake and shifted his body to accommodate for her awakening.

He felt Bella stretch and turn into him a little more, and smiled to himself. They had a lot to talk about and a lot to get through while they were away. But they didn't have to do it right this second. Jasper wanted to make sure she was well fed and that they got all of the things they both would need while they stayed here. Once they were more settled, they could address those issues. It wasn't as if there was a pink elephant in the room causing tension, making it impossible to even look at each other without feeling anxious. That actually surprised him. He thought he'd be picking up on all sorts of tension and anxiety after the trauma they'd endured. Maybe it was because he was so shut off from the emotional world, but he didn't think so. Bella was smiling and cuddling with him. She wouldn't have been doing that if she was upset.

The way his name rolled off her tongue brought another smile to his lips and further confirmed that going out today to tend to their immediate needs was the right decision. Jasper kissed the top of her head and hugged her as she curled into him and hid her face in his neck. He then shifted accordingly as she got up, and watched her walk off into the bathroom. He felt bad that there was nothing to accommodate her morning rituals, but they'd take care of that today.

When Bella returned, Jasper was sitting up a little more in the bed with his back against the headboard. As she crawled towards him, he reached out and pulled her into his arms. It felt so good to hold her. Even though he'd done so for the last several hours, and had done it countless times in their time together, the rush he got from initially pulling her against him never faded. Jasper kissed her temple and rubbed her back gently.

"Good _afternoon_," he said with a light chuckle. He kissed her other temple, then pulled back to look at her. "Are you hungry? I thought we could go into town and pick up a few things. There is a long row of clothing stores in town that's right across from the outdoor market." He leaned in and very lightly kissed her lips. "And I believe there's a convenience store nearby as well. We can get everything we need today so we don't have to go back out unless we want to." Or unless he needed to hunt, but he thought he'd be okay for another day or two.

"Does that sound all right with you?" He asked, lightly brushing his fingers against her cheek.

* * *

Bella didn't realize just how late it was until he laughed and corrected her. Then again, it shouldn't have come as any surprise considering how tired she'd been. Tired _and_ hungry. As if on cue, her stomach grumbled when he'd asked if she needed something to eat. She hadn't eaten anything since the morning before and just like she'd needed sleep, Bella needed food as well. Looking sheepish, she nodded.

"Food would be good," she agreed.

The rest of the plan sounded like a good one to her. She was anxious and eager to be able to get something that she could change into as well, knowing that she had to look awful considering everything that had happened. Bella had made it a point not to look in the mirror that morning (rather _afternoon_), knowing that she would have been ashamed to go back to Jasper.

* * *

It seemed, when they went into town, that everyone else noticed her appearance too. Perhaps Bella was just more conscious of her looks than she usually was - which, was hardly at all – but it seemed like there were plenty of eyes that cast her a disdainful look. She knew it wasn't just on account of the fact that she looked awful, but it was paired with the fact that Jasper looked so painfully beautiful in comparison. Even though he had been subjected to the rain and the long journey the day before, he still managed to look flawless. If anything, the weather had just made his handsomeness rugged in a way, a look that worked just as well on him as did his usually clean, well-put-together appearance.

There was one pair of blonde females in particular at the little place where they'd stopped to get Bella something to eat that she wasn't fond of. They stared after him just a little bit too long, whispered just a little bit too often, and fluttered their eyelashes so many times that Bella wondered if they would actually fall out. She didn't even know why the two of them would be caught in the fishing town, but then again, Bella also knew they were wondering why such a sad-looking girl was burdening such a dreamy catch.

She just tried to ignore them, glad that Jasper's back was to them rather than the other way around. It worked, but as she ate, she noted them continuing to whisper and cast her condescending gazes. To her horror, one of them rose from her seat in the corner and approach her and Jasper's table. The blonde's eyes narrowed once in a menacing look, hidden from Jasper's view of course. The leggy beanpole of a girl was daring enough to put her hand on his shoulder as she turned to face him, ignoring Bella.

"Hi there," she said, flashing him a smile with orthodontist-perfected teeth. "My friend and I," she said, pausing to nod to the other girl at the corner table, "noticed you. I'm _sure _I haven't seen you around here before. I would have remembered a face like that."

Bella didn't bother to hide her expression. It was mainly one that could be described as incredulous disgust. Was this girl serious with that line?

She hid her face and tried to hold back a bitter laugh by spearing a bite of her mashed potatoes. She was beginning to wish they'd gone shopping and changed first before getting her something to eat. No matter how hungry she was, it could have waited if it meant that perhaps this situation could have been avoided.

"Paisley and I wondered if maybe you wanted a few tour guides? We have a _lot _we could show you," the blonde said without shame in the double meaning of her words.

Though she normally never would have said anything, Bella wasn't about to stand for this. This was a time that she and Jasper were meant to be alone. This was _their_ time, _their_ place. She wasn't going to stay quiet while an over-plucked blonde in too much pink hung all over him as if he were sitting alone.

"Actually, I think _we're_ all right. But thanks so much for the offer," she said, fixing the girl with a serious look to match her sarcasm.

* * *

Jasper was relieved that Bella did not try to protest about eating, claiming she was fine when she was really starving. It was good that her body reacted, too, as there would be no denying that she was hungry. He smiled and gave her a tender kiss and one more embrace, before helping her up off the bed that morning. He followed, standing up and taking hold of her hand. He knew she'd feel better once she had something to eat and could take a shower. He'd be glad to take a shower, too. Then afterwards, they could curl up together and figure out what they were going to do.

He drove them down from the woods where the cabin was so comfortably nestled, all the way into the town. It was most definitely a fishing village, but it had a lot of common amenities as well. The plan was, they'd get her something to eat now, then they could go get clothes to have for at least the next few days, head to the convenience store for toiletries, then go to the market so she could pick out any foods she wanted to have in the house. It seemed like the most logical way to get everything accomplished.

When they found a restaurant that she thought she'd like, Jasper parked Annabelle and locked the doors, then escorted Bella inside. They sat down together, and he ordered a water that he subsequently would not touch once it was brought to him. He was aware of the girls even though he could not see them. Jasper could _hear _their whispering and it slightly amused him. It was more annoying than anything else, though. He made no move to look at them or acknowledge their presence in any way. He only had eyes for Bella. That is, until one of them came over and started talking to him. It was a little awkward for Jasper, as these were the types of girls he sometimes dreamt of preying on. He didn't do that so much anymore, but it was just odd for him to be interacting with a girl like the one who had interrupted his time with Bella.

He opened his mouth to respond in a way to politely decline, but Bella was actually faster in giving her reply to the girl. He did like the way she handled it. For his part, Jasper simply kept his gaze on Bella and added to her words.

"Yes, we're just fine," he said, taking Bella's hand and kissing her knuckles. "We'll be staying in for most of the duration of our stay, won't we my love? I don't anticipate us venturing out too much." The double meaning in his words was just as evident as it had been in the other girl's. He finally looked at the blonde girl and flashed a charming smile.

"But I sure do thank you, ma'am, for being so considerate."

* * *

Bella wasn't exactly _threatened _by the forward attempts of that girl to woo Jasper right in front of her, but she wasn't comfortable with it either. It could have been on account of the fact that she was not looking her greatest (to put it lightly), or it could have had a lot to the with the fact that things that occurred between them recently, particularly in regard to a certain Spanish bitch, wounded Bella's confidence severely. Either way, it wasn't a situation she would have chosen.

But she couldn't keep a smile off her face when Jasper played along with her. His commentary made her cheeks blush – something that she couldn't avoid, though she wanted to in order to keep up with the façade – but it wasn't something she minded becoming a truth. All she really wanted to do _was _to stay in with Jasper. They needed to do their errands first, and she knew that soon enough, they would have to stay in to be having a serious conversation. But she still didn't mind the thought of staying curled up with him more than roaming about the town.

Especially if he had been serious about the double meaning to his words.

The blonde, however, was not so impressed. While she was sufficiently dazzled by the smile Jasper had given her paired with the hint of his Southern accent and charm, she was put off by the fact that she had just been turned down in favor of a plain girl with messy hair. She tossed her own hair over her shoulder, scoffed, and turned back to her friend who looked stunned silent.

Bella's smile stayed when she looked back at Jasper. "I was finally able to see your heartbreaking ability in action," she said, reaching her hand across the table to give his a squeeze.

What she _really _wanted to do was to push back her chair and settle down in his lap long enough to kiss him something fierce, making sure that the blondes and everyone else for that matter, understood that he didn't need a tour guide. Of course, that would embarrass him just as much as it would her as far as the public display of affection was concerned. She made a note to give him that kiss later though.

She finished eating, polishing off her entire plate which was a testament to just how hungry she'd truly been, and leaned back to rest a hand on her stomach gently. "I'm stuffed," she said.

It didn't take them long to pay and leave and she thanked Jasper for the meal. Before they could get started on the rest of their plans for their visit to town, she stopped. Spying a payphone, she turned to look up at him and sighed.

"I'd better call Charlie," she said. "He's probably already called the whole of the Washington police force to find me." It was sad that such a thing wasn't all that far-fetched.

The phone call… didn't go as well as she would have _hoped_, but it did go about as well as she _expected_. Charlie was happy to know that she was all right, but was angry that she took off and left without telling him first. When he asked who she was with, Bella hesitated. Telling him she was with Jasper – a good-looking, teenage boy – alone in another state was signing her death sentence for certain. But Bella didn't want to keep it from her dad or anyone else for that matter. And so, she said Jasper's name.

Immediately, her father started firing off a hundred questions and a few words that weren't exactly relevant to staying calm. "Dad. _Dad_!" she interrupted. "I'm fine. I… just need the time away. I need it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you beforehand, but I just needed to go. I promise I'll check in again soon but in the meantime, you have to trust me, Dad. I'm fine."

Charlie still wasn't happy by any means, but Bella wasn't about to leave on account of his unhappiness. He could kick her out of the house or ground her for the rest of her life when she returned, it didn't matter. All that mattered was having this time with Jasper.

"It's probably a good thing that bullets don't affect you," she said after hanging up and reaching for Jasper's hand again.

* * *

While Jasper had been speaking mostly in order to make the invasive female go back to her table and whisper bitterly to her friend, he did hope there would be some truth to his words. They weren't exactly here to indulge in the town. As nice as it was in the bay, Jasper and Bella had come here for other reasons, and they needed to honor that. It would do no good for them to ignore the traumatic events that had gone down between them in Forks. Otherwise those problems would be there waiting for them as soon as they got back. No, they needed to work through them here, and cleanse themselves of their issues. Jasper also wouldn't protest staying curled up in the rather large bed they'd laid in the night before.

After she left, Jasper went back to watching Bella eat. Well, he didn't watch her like a hawk. He knew that could make others feel uncomfortable, to be watched while they ate. But he didn't want to look away from her much. He'd missed her so, and all he wanted to do was go back and crawl into bed with her. He looked down a bit shyly when she talked about him breaking hearts and shrugged innocently before looking back over at her.

"I don't know about that. I was just being honest." He kissed her hand again before releasing it so that he could gently place his on her knee. That wasn't for show. It was under the table so no one would be able to see it. He just wanted to keep touching her.

When she was finished, Jasper paid and they headed outside. It was a nice day; still very overcast but it wasn't raining and the summer temperatures kept it from being too cool for comfort. Before they could get started on anything else, however, Bella voiced the need to call Charlie. As much as he didn't want to upset her father, she was right. Charlie did need to know where she was. It was fortunate she wasn't a minor anymore, otherwise he could get in trouble for taking her out of state without his permission. He knew Chief Swan wouldn't hesitate to have him locked up for something like that.

The phone call went about as well as Jasper expected it to as well. He could hear Charlie's voice through the extension even though his ear wasn't to the receiver. Part of him was glad that Bella was honest, though. It would make things easier in the long run, even if right now it wasn't good for him or their being able to be together when they got back. He wasn't too worried about that, though. Bella was eighteen; she could do whatever she wanted. Whatever the result, Jasper would be there to help take care of her however he could. Once she hung up, Jasper sighed.

"I'm going to get a cell phone today; one of those pay as you go phones to last me until we get back. You can keep in touch with him that way. I'll call Carlisle and ask him to speak to your father and explain. He's good at that sort of thing. I'm sure he'll find a way to word it that will lessen the anger."

That said, he offered her his arm as they walked further into town. They'd deal with Charlie when they had to. For now, the next step they needed to take was to purchase some clothing and necessities for at least the next several days. They could always come back later, but he wanted to spend some extended quality time with her without the need to come back for a while. So he told her once they reached the section of town that was lined with clothing stores to pick out whatever she wanted to get her through the week. He pulled out his American Express black card and handed it to her.

"They won't question you for ID or anything. And don't feel guilty about using it. That's what it's there for. I'll just be in that store," he said, nodding to the men's store across the street. "I'll meet you here in an hour? Will that be enough time?" He knew Bella wasn't exactly interested in shopping, so he didn't think it would take her that long.

"If you need longer, that's perfectly fine. Just bring me what you've purchased in an hour and I'll hold it while you finish." Clearly Jasper had been subjected to countless shopping sprees in his lifetime. It was no secret that Alice had been a shopping addict. He never complained, though.

Kissing her briefly, then lightly caressing her cheek, Jasper reluctantly parted ways with her and crossed the cobblestone street and entered the men's store to make his purchases. He didn't need much; just a few shirts and maybe a pair of pants or two. He needed something sufficient for hunting, too. A new pair of shoes, and something appropriate to wear to bed. He didn't sleep, of course, but it was just more comfortable to wear sleeping attire when going to bed at night with Bella. He hated leaving her, but he knew they'd finish twice as fast if they shopped separately. True to his word, he was back at the designated place a few minutes before the hour was up, carrying two bags of clothing and shoes, as well as another bag with his new to-go phone. He'd actually finished his clothing shopping in just over a half hour. The rest of the time had been spent getting a phone. He leaned against a light pole, waiting for his Bella to return to him.

* * *

Bella wished her shopping trip had gone as well as Jasper's had. It had gone unlike anything that she expected. She planned to just go to one of the shops, grab a few things, and leave. She figured it would take, at the very most, fifteen minutes or so. She didn't want or need to take her time in browsing selections.

It started to turn out that way. There hadn't been much at the first shop she went in that seemed to be anything that she would wear, but she did grab a sweater and a few plain tank tops that she thought would be appropriate for the weather, but that were quite simple in nature. The girl behind the register looked bored, slightly disappointed in Bella's selection for whatever reason. But that all changed the second Bella took the credit card Jasper gave her out of her pocket. The cashier literally almost choked on her gum when she saw it, causing Bella to panic. Was something wrong? Did she actually need to get Jasper to sign for it despite him saying she wouldn't have to worry about it?

All of a sudden the salesgirl turned into a completely different person. "Oh, just let me show you this new item we got in. I think it would love _amazing_ on you. You'll just love it!"

Bella, dumbfounded and still trying to figure out what the deal was upon seeing the credit card, simply stared at her as she leapt from behind the counter, abandoning the rest of Bella's sale and pulling on the brunette's hand.

"Are you visiting the Bay for long? Have you gotten here recently? Have you ever been here before?" The eager clerk started rattling off questions, progressing to a new one before Bella could even answer the one before it. She was too concerned with the way the bubbly redhead was suddenly filling her arms with all kinds of clothing in every pattern and color imaginable.

"What size are you? About a two? A four? Probably about a four I'd think. You have _such_ a great little figure, you know. You should really try these new… I think you would look great in this… Oh, you _have _to show me what this looks like on…" More and more statements that left Bella speechless. It wasn't until she was quite literally shoved toward a fitting room near the back of the store that she reacted.

"Wait, no," she said. "I really don't think any of this is-" But the salesgirl cut her off with the cluck of her tongue and pushed her –literally—behind one of the curtains.

"Try them! You'll see!" she beamed excitedly.

Bella stood inside, surrounding by heaps of clothing she never would have picked up in a million years for how trendy and slightly eccentric some of it was. She was a jeans and Henley type of girl and that was fine by her. It was what she was comfortable in. Most of this stuff was far from that and she was sure that some of it would have been better fitted for a hooker on a street corner than anyone like Bella who was… the exact opposite of anything of that nature. She planned to just sit in the fitting room for five minutes, lie and say she tried things on and they didn't work for her, so she could pay for the things she'd picked out originally and leave. That plan was shot to hell though when not only the original sales girl, but another one called into her fitting room, asking about how things were coming and begging her to come out and show them something.

Bella really had to fight back a laugh at how desperate they were acting. She still didn't understand why, but she attributed to the fact that the store hadn't been very crowded at all and perhaps they were just bored. Because she had some time to kill to allow Jasper enough time to get what _he_ needed, and because she wanted the women to shut up, she pulled a light-knit summer dress. It didn't look too bad. While it was something that Bella still probably wouldn't have worn at first, it was kind of… pretty. Mainly that was on account of the fact that it was a soft purple color, but aside from that, it was plain, nothing too fancy. It was knee-length and had short fluttery cap sleeves.

But the most surprising thing? It was _comfortable_. The material was light and she felt like she could move in it. Perhaps she hadn't been wearing dresses enough to know that they weren't _all_ stuffy and scary. It would be a lot cooler than wearing jeans in the summer heat as well. She hardly had a second to open the curtain before one of the sales girls ripped it back.

"Oh my _God_! See! It looks _a-mazing_," she gushed, causing Bella to flush in the cheeks.

For another forty minutes, the brunette was subjected to this torture, forced to play dress up when it was not something that she liked. She was, however, surprised at the way she looked in some of the things. Maybe dressing a little bit more feminine –as she was so often told she needed to by people when she shopped or even by her own mother – wasn't such a bad thing. As long as what she was wearing was comfortable, she didn't care. When she finally put her foot down and told them she had to leave, she winded up with more than she had originally. She still had the same couple of tops and the sweater she'd gotten before, but now she had a handful of _dresses_ of all things, as well as a few other tops and bottoms. One benefit had been that the salesgirls pointed her out to the intimates section that she would have missed the first time on her own.

_Those _she had to be firm about. She wasn't letting the workers dress her up in those, but she did let them pick out a few sets that matched, a couple of which were a bit more girlish and of finer fabric than Bella probably would have picked, as well as some pajamas. But again, maybe that was a good thing. One thing that was for sure; it was a thought that made her feel anxious and yet extremely nervous to think that the reason she didn't mind their help with such things was because she wondered if Jasper would be seeing them, especially after what he'd said at the restaurant before to the annoying blond twit who tried to pick him up.

Pushing those thoughts out of her head, Bella willed herself to be serious. She focused back on the present, proud that she was able to talk the salesgirls out of giving her too many things. Jasper might have told her not to worry about it, but Bella didn't like the idea of spending his – or anyone else's for that matter – money. He already treated her enough. She did get everything she needed and more though, including a pair of summer shoes that were more appropriate than her old sneakers she was wearing, and it wasn't that bad in cost considering the amount of things she'd gotten. Still, she didn't look at the total, knowing she would feel immensely guilty, no matter how little or how much it actually was.

By the time she made it out of the store with two bags on each arm, Bella felt like it had been years since she'd seen him. As relieved as she had been to avoid the awkward situation of having to buy certain things in front of him, she had wished Jasper would have been there to perhaps make the salesgirl leave her be. She was late meeting him, having gone over the hour-mark and feeling badly for it. As soon as her eyes landed on him however, she hurried over.

"I'm so sorry," she said apologetically, her eyes wide as she tried to explain. "I didn't want all this stuff. Honestly," she said. "They trapped me! They made me try things _on_," she said, wincing as she glanced back at the shop. Turning back to him, she gave him a sheepish expression. "I'm sorry," she said again.

* * *

While shopping for his pay-as-you-go phone, Jasper hadn't really paid much attention to the sales person as he timidly explained how the phone plans worked. Obviously the other young man was intimidated by Jasper and how he looked. That was something he got often; devastatingly beautiful, but very intense and almost severe at times, especially when he was thinking about something. His mind had been on other things while the young man jabbered on about what sounded like would be in his best interest but really would get the company the most money. Jasper let him blabber on for several minutes and then just pointed to the unlimited pre-paid plan instead. That way Bella could call Charlie anytime she wanted for as long as necessary and he could speak with Carlisle as well.

It didn't matter to him, really. He just needed the phone. Now he had it, while he waited for Bella, he took a moment to turn on the phone and call Carlisle. He only had a limited time due to it being just barely charged, but fortunately he was able to speak at a faster rate than the average human being, so he did not need much time to talk to his father. He told Carlisle that he'd give him more details later, but the gist of things was that he and Bella had gone to their cabin to get some space and work things out, and he'd keep her safe there. Carlisle assured him no one would be renting the cabin anytime soon and that they'd keep an eye on Bella's house. He told Jasper to take as much time as they needed, and that he would speak with Charlie to explain the situation a little better and hopefully put his mind more at ease. At some point during the conversation, Esme worked her way onto the phone and started mother henning him immediately. She reminded him that Bella would need food three times a day with snacks in between. Basically, she told him they needed to do everything he'd already put into motion to happen. But he thanked his mother anyway and just as he hung up, Bella was approaching.

Clearly, Bella had been bombarded by the sales women at the store she'd gone to. He knew that because he highly doubted Bella would have purchased all of those things on her own. It was a possibility though, and he certainly did not have any qualms with it. He hoped she'd take whatever she wanted, but he knew Bella and he knew she wouldn't get more than what she absolutely needed, especially with someone else's money. Part of him was glad that the sales women had gotten more things for her. It allowed her to have more options if she wanted them and she might have ended up purchasing things she wouldn't have thought to get but actually enjoyed. He just hated that she probably had to suffer through trying on everything and the nagging that she most likely endured in the process. He knew enough about that by both witnessing them and having to endure them himself anytime the women in the family thought the men needed updated wardrobes.

When Bella apologized, Jasper raised his eyebrows. What was she sorry for? Being late? He was used to that from the other women in his family. He also didn't measure time the way she did, so he really did not notice it much. The only real problem with it was that it meant he was separated from her a little longer than he anticipated, thus he missed her quite a bit. None of that mattered now, though. She was here, and that made everything right. Jasper just smiled and leaned down to kiss her lips very tenderly.

"Allow me, ma'am." He took the four bags she'd acquired on her traumatic journey and carried them for her. "I'll just put these in the trunk, and we can get the rest and then be on our way." He walked back to Annabelle with her, which wasn't far at all, and placed all their clothing in the trunk. After closing the trunk, he held his hand out to her. "Almost finished, Belle."

* * *

The tension that the shopping trip had on her was gone when Jasper took the bags and in their place, gave her his hand. And a kiss. She gratefully accepted both. Bella also noted the way he referred to her.

'Belle'.

That was a new one. Coming from Jasper, she liked the way it sounded and tucked it away into her memory.

The rest of the day had been much easier as far as shopping was concerned. One of the best things about being with Jasper was that he was so authoritative when it came to others even when he didn't try to be. It definitely made it quicker for Bella to get the things she needed at the store along with him and not have to worry about being tortured again. For herself, she only picked out the bare essentials that she needed – mostly shower items, toothbrush, and toothpaste being on the very top of her list of priorities. As soon as he'd closed up Annabelle, Bella had given him back his American Express card, all too happy to get rid of it for the trouble it caused her, again, still something she didn't understand. It must've been some sort of special thing that not many people carried around. Or at least, that's what she figured.

The day was winding down. It was still light out, but soon the sun would be setting in the near future. With it, Bella knew that it would take away the prolonging of the conversation they needed to have. She wasn't sure how it would come up exactly. It wasn't something they could just _rush _into. But she knew that it was coming and she knew Jasper did as well. They weren't avoiding it per se, but they just weren't volunteering to begin it before they had everything else taken care of. They both still needed to get showers and clean clothes and now that they'd acquired all of their needs in order to do so, such things were possible.

Bella took her shower first, turning the water warm. It was a longer shower than perhaps she usually would have taken, but it was well-needed after the long day that had passed since she'd left her house the morning before. She washed her hair with the coconut-scented shampoo they'd gotten and when she was through, she left it to dry on its own, toweling off the moisture as much as she could with a towel. It was never good to leave her hair wet if she planned to be snuggling up to Jasper considering it usually gave her a chill, but Bella didn't care at the moment. She didn't want to be bothering with it. Before she left the bathroom as well, she made sure she spent a good couple of minutes brushing her teeth properly. Afterward, she felt a million times better. She was well-rested, well-fed, and well-bathed. When Jasper was taking his turn to clean up, Bella neatly placed her new clothes in one of the closets and sets of drawers. It was hard not to dwell on the idea that this was some sort of fantasy. She felt as if this place was _theirs_. Such was a nice thought, but still one that she couldn't fully appreciate knowing that they still had so much to discuss. Painful, lingering things that threatened their relationship.

When she finished putting away the clothes, she went outside to the porch swing to wait for him. The sun was setting now and casting everything in a brilliant, fading light. That was what she tried to concentrate on –- not the conversation that was inevitably coming closer.

* * *

The car ride back to the cabin had been peaceful. Jasper had to give this place credit; it was very scenic and serene. Jasper liked that they could retreat to the privacy of the cabin and not be forced to mingle with anyone in the town, or nosey neighbors curious about the new couple taking temporary residence in the large, barely used luxury cabin. That was one of the things he really liked about the house they inhabited in Forks, too. The privacy. Normally he would have been concerned about being alone with a human in such intimate quarters, but this was his Bella. While he was still always very aware of the danger, he knew deep down that should things take a turn for the worse, he would hurt himself before he hurt Bella. He'd come so far in terms of handling his control and his thirst and he knew it was because he loved Bella so much. His love for her was stronger than his thirst, and that was why he was able to be with her the way they had been for so long now.

Once they arrived back at the cabin, Jasper carried in all of their bags. He left all the food in the kitchen and then took their clothing up to the loft bedroom they'd stay in the night before. Though he would have gladly put the food away for her, he figured by letting her do it, she could put it where she wanted. And since she was going to be the one eating it, he wanted her to know where everything was. They _did_ have bath towels in the linen closet, since they did on occasion stay in the cabin. So he fluffed a few up in the dryer while she tended to the food and then placed them in the bathroom for her and for him to use after. Jasper worked on tidying up a little while she showered. It was a way to keep him busy, and not really think about the series of conversations they were going to be having in the very near future. They'd done everything they needed to in order to have an extended stay; Jasper just hoped that after their first talk, that she'd still _want _to stay. Though he didn't want to talk about the unpleasantries, he knew that they'd never resolve anything if they didn't address them. For now though, he just put his clothing away by placing them in drawers and hanging a few of the nicer shirts and the pants he bought in the closet.

When Jasper heard the water shut off in the bathroom, he vacated the loft. The one thing about this cabin was, despite it's exterior being so private, the interior was very open. There were no doors separating rooms. So to give Bella her privacy, he descending the winding staircase and waited for her to come down. Once she had, he smiled at her and hugged her to him, then kissed her temple and said he'd be back shortly. He hurried back up the stairs, and entered the bathroom. It only took the water a few seconds to warm up, since Bella had just been using it. Jasper did not spend as long under the water as she did. He did what he needed to do, but did take extra care to detangle his curls. They'd gotten unruly after the rain and laying in bed with them still in disarray. After he shut the water off, he toweled himself dry and wrapped the towel around his waist. Bella was outside, so he didn't worry about her seeing anything she didn't want to see. He didn't dress himself up. He wore some of the clothing he'd purchased for lounging in; dark grey pajama bottoms, which hung a little loosely on his hips. Jasper sometimes had trouble with pants; he was tall, but very lean, so buying pants to accommodate for his height meant he had to over compensate for his width. It didn't bother him, though. He wasn't a slave to fashion, despite what others might think. He wore a dark green long-sleeved t-shirt that fit to his torso nicely. He shook his head to dry his hair a little, then ran his fingers through it. Being still damp, the curls were loose, almost straight, but still framed his face in a near-perfect manner.

Jasper walked down the stairs once more and saw her sitting in the porch swing on the expansive deck. The sun was tucking itself in for the night, casting a glow over her that Jasper found to be absolutely captivating. He was drawn to it; Bella was the flame, he the moth. His feet were moving before he even realized what he was doing, and soon Jasper found himself sliding open the glass door and stepping out into the light. It reflected off his diamond dusted skin and he immediately started to shimmer in the light.

He recoiled, retreating into the safety of the shade. For most of his kind, being caught in the sun was a beautiful thing. Jasper found himself hideous. It highlighted his scars even more brilliantly than under harsh lighting and showed him for what he truly was. That wasn't something he wanted to highlight when they were probably going to be engaging in a conversation that neither of them were happy about anyway.

Keeping along the line of the shade, he managed to sit on the swing next to her in the portion that the sun wasn't shining on. "I'm sorry," he said. "I suppose I should work on looking before I leap."

* * *

When the door opened and Jasper moved to join her, Bella's attention was drawn away from the beauty of the sun setting and instead, fell on something that put the light of the sun to shame – Jasper. Her Jasper. She only caught a glimpse of him in the light before he grew ashamed of what the effect of it had on his skin.

She couldn't understand where such shame would come from. Surely, he had no idea of how beautiful he was to her, even when every last one of his scars was visible. She was quiet, waiting until he maneuvered to sit beside her via another route that didn't involve sunlight so much as shadows. When he spoke, Bella just gave him a look and shook her head.

"I don't know why you think that's a bad thing," she said.

Sometimes she wished she could have been the sort of person to not look every time she leaped. Since she had been with Jasper, Bella did learn how to rely on her emotions more than logical thinking and thus, she was closer to the idea, but never fully would she be able to let her go down so consistently, that she rarely thought before she acted.

Reaching for his hand, she linked her fingers with his. It was a comforting gesture, one that she always liked for the simple fact that it highlighted their close proximity to one another. In the shade, their skin almost matched. It was deceptive in a way. They both seemed to share the pale hue that colored the flesh and visibly, it was hard to tell much of a difference. By looking at their hands in the shade and nothing else, it would seem like they were made to fit one another's even despite the difference in size. The size difference of their hands, though, was _not _the only difference between them. It was just the biggest one to be seen when one wasn't looking beneath the surface or in another context.

Pulling their hands into her lap, the sunlight was cast on both of them. Now, Bella could see the truth behind the pretty picture. He was so beautiful, so ethereal in the way his skin sparkled in the light. She couldn't see his scars the way he would. She just saw the way his skin shone and the way hers did not. His captured beauty; hers captured nothing.

It screamed the differences between them and such a thing was a reminder of so much to Bella. It was a pinprick to the heart to acknowledge that she was so unlike him. Everyone else could see it – even foolish girls at a restaurant. But there were others. Rosalie. Jacob. Maria. They could all plainly see that there was a difference between her and Jasper and they had all taken advantage of it, twisted the differences in negative ways to tear the two of them apart. And for awhile, it worked.

The reason?

"We're so different," she whispered sadly, running her thumb over the back of his shimmering hand.

And that was why it hurt. She would never be Alice. She would never be Maria. The differences between them would always stay in that she wasn't nearly - _nowhere_ nearly – as breathtaking of a creature as either of the aforementioned women, as each of the two had been Jasper's mates. For as much as she loved him, knowing that she would never meet such high standards that had been created effortlessly through his previous relationships was something that was hard for Bella to take.

* * *

"I suppose I just don't like what I see," he said quietly about his skin. "It's a bad thing because it's just a reminder of what a monster I am." Jasper, of course, could always see the scars. It was why he often avoided mirrors, and it was why he _always_ wore long sleeves, even in the summer heat. When he stepped into the sun and his skin glistened in the light, it just made it look like his scars were being glorified, as if they were something to be proud of. There were a few that he _was _proud of. The ones he'd gained by defending Bella from the newborn he could take pride in. They were worth something. The rest, not at all.

Though he did not like how he looked in the sun, Jasper did not resist when she pulled his hand into her lap, subsequently bringing it into the light. He did not look at it at first, instead looking out at the wide view from where they were sitting. He could see further than the human eye, with much clearer vision. The view around them was much more beautiful than his scars. Not as beautiful as the girl sitting next to him, but he was having a hard time looking at her now since he was talking about himself.

Jasper truly did not understand why Bella had feelings for him. He knew that love couldn't be explained, not truly, because then it wouldn't be love, but he just did not see any redeeming qualities in himself. He'd had a horrible time accepting that Alice had loved him. He deserved someone like Maria, who would punish him for his shortcomings. Bella deserved much better than him. But somehow he'd managed to get past that, by the simple fact that he _did _love the girl sitting next to him. He'd reasoned with himself that though he wasn't worthy of her devotion, he would bestow his on her and love her with every fiber of his being, protect her with his life, and hope that it would be enough. He thought it had been, but he wasn't quite so sure anymore. Not after what he'd witnessed with Jacob.

He _did _tear his gaze away from the view to look at her when she spoke of how different they were from each other. What baffled him about it was that she'd said it as if it was a bad thing. Jasper didn't understand that.

"Yes, we are," he agreed. "I'm glad that we're different. You bring out the best in me. I don't know if I do the same, but.. I feel so balanced when I'm with you." He brushed the back of her hand with his thumb. "I wouldn't want to be with someone exactly like me. I don't like myself, Bella. I couldn't love someone like me. But you. It's so easy for me to love you. I.. I don't.. even have to think about it."

Very gently, he turned their joined hands so that her wrist was facing upward. There was a row of crescents on her skin that matched the dozen around his wrist and the back of his hand. "We're not completely different, Bella." He pulled their hands into the shade, where the skin color was very similar.

"But, you're right in some ways. You're so incredibly beautiful, and I'm.. well, you saw the scars." He looked down again. "I know, you say they don't bother you. But.. you don't see them like I do. You don't see them all the time. Just once.. If you had to look at me the way I do, everyday..." he trailed off, not wanting to even think about the end of that sentence.

* * *

Bella suddenly had so many conflicting thoughts. There was a part of them that wanted to believe what he said, about loving her and how it seemed to be something that was effortless. Those words he'd spoken had touched her and there was a pull on the frail pieces of her heart. Since she'd been reunited with him at the fairground, the dust that they had turned to had begun to solidify again.

But the pieces were still separate. That was where the other half of her thoughts came in. How could he say those things and yet act so intimately with Maria? Of all people. If he loved Bella as easily as he said he did, then why was he so apologetic toward Alice for betraying her? With Bella, his late wife's dear friend.

She'd witnessed both things with her own eyes and they were images that were hard to erase. Watching him now, she saw how their scars matched when he turned her wrist around, despite that he had so many more than she did. Shaking her head when he called her beautiful, she concerned herself more with the fact that he was belittling himself so much, being far too hard on himself than he should ever have been. Bella knew why. It hadn't hit her as much before when he told her how he got his scars, but when she witnessed the exchange with Maria after he'd pushed her away, she knew where his method of thinking originated.

"If I had to look at you everyday in the way you're so afraid of, I wouldn't see anything differently, Jasper." That was the truth. Bella knew without a shadow of a doubt that if she could see his scars on a daily basis as visibly as she could when they were in the sunlight, she wouldn't regard him any differently. The only thing that would change would be that it would be easier for her to kiss them all if she could see their starting and ending points.

"It… upsets me that you think so little of yourself," she said. "'_Monster_'. I hate that word. It doesn't describe you at all. Nothing about you," she said, shaking her head again as she dropped her gaze to his hand once more.

"But… But it does describe the person who made you think that," she said quietly. "She… It's her fault that you see yourself as anything but how… _wonderful_ you really are. Beautiful." Bella swallowed a lump forming in her throat and let out a bitter, soft chuckle as she let her thoughts stray back to the imagery in the woods, the sights before she witnessed the ways in which Maria wounded Jasper both physically, mentally, and emotionally.

"But you still wanted her…" She took her hand away from Jasper's so she could hide it and her own scar in her lap, ashamed of the differences he said he liked so much. Differences that made her unlike Maria. Differences that kept him from ever kissing her in such a manner, touching her in such a feverish way, driven by nothing by passion that was evident even to an onlooker as she had been. "You wanted someone that would hurt you like that, who _did _hurt you like that," she said.

"If you want to hear that you're a monster, Jasper, then you shouldn't be with me right now. Because you'll never hear that. Not from me," she said, twisting her fingers in her lap wither other hand. She was so afraid to look at him. If she did, she feared she would let him in to just how badly she was hurting at the moment to think about what she'd seen.

* * *

There were several times that he wanted to interject when Bella spoke, however he kept his mouth shut for the duration and just let her speak. He couldn't agree with her about how she believed 'monster' didn't describe him. He'd done so many horrible things in his life, he couldn't see himself as anything _bu t_a monster. He could understand what she was saying, though, even if he didn't agree with it. It was the same as how he felt when she demeaned her appearance or thought ill of herself in some way, shape or form. He didn't like that, either.

So how would they solve that? Even by not calling himself a monster, he'd still believe he was one. And no matter how sincere he was when he told her she was beautiful, would she ever believe him? It seemed like a never ending cycle, and it also seemed very unfair.

When she went on to talk about Maria, Jasper just looked down. There was no excusing his actions with her, and nothing he could say or do to take it all back. There was nothing that could make that right, and he contemplated not saying anything at all. It was only because Bella said that Jasper _wanted _Maria that he addressed the issue. She had it all wrong in her assumption, though he could understand why she'd view it the way she did. Whatever she'd seen that day in the woods, it'd been enough for her to assume that Jasper had wanted to be with Maria.

But she'd also witnessed him pulling away from her, hadn't she? He supposed the damage had been done, and that was reasonable. But things just didn't add up. Why would she have come out looking for him when she was with Jacob? Why was she here with him now? There were just so many unanswered questions. He supposed addressing the Maria issue would be the first.

"It's not like that," he said quietly. "I didn't want her." He ran his free hand through his damp hair, the curls having already begun to spiral into blonde ringlets. "I just didn't think I had anything left to lose. I didn't think it mattered. I don't know how to explain it.. I.. I just.. wanted to feel something. I needed to feel something, anything. Any emotion at all, and she was there. I didn't want to be numb anymore. You know that I function through my emotions and I.. I couldn't feel anything. After I saw you that night, I don't know what happened. I feel like my heart became a prisoner, confined behind a stone wall. Maybe my body did it to protect itself because it knew my heart couldn't take being broken again. I don't know. Even now, I can't feel anything. I know that I love you, and I know that that will never change. But I can't feel what you're feeling, or anyone else around me. I don't even feel my own emotions. It's just blank. I just feel like I'm lost."

Jasper leaned his head back, letting it fall against the back of the swing as he looked up at the sky. "I didn't want Maria. I _don't_ want her. I thought I'd feel something when she touched me. I even hoped for it, that I'd feel disgusted, shame, anger, even lust. But there was nothing. I couldn't even get upset about not feeling anything because I was so numb. But when I thought you didn't want me anymore, I just quit caring."

* * *

It was meant to be easier once they got this conversation underway. But when Jasper spoke about Maria, it hurt Bella so badly that she couldn't bring herself to even lift her eyes. When he said the word 'lust', she clenched her teeth and closed her eyes. At least if he couldn't feel anything, he wouldn't be able to feel how hurt she was to listen to him say such a thing, even if there had been an explanation to precede the word.

How would she _ever_ get those images out of her head? The way he touched her, kissed her… it was like his life depended on _her_. In a way, it _had_ depended on her as he'd said he was using Maria to feel something, whatever feeling that was. How could Bella cope with the fact that Maria had been a use for his emotion seeking? _She_ had wanted to do that. _She _had wanted to be the one to help him.

"But… I don't understand why you would ever think I didn't want you," she said quietly, turning her eyes back to him in hopes to understand this. That had been the thing that she really didn't grasp. Somewhere, she had messed up. Somehow, she'd failed at the only goal she set out to accomplish without a doubt – letting Jasper know how much that she loved him. Never letting him feel like he was unwanted, especially by her. Bella really thought she was doing her part in such a thing, but from the way things had turned out, especially from what he was saying to her now, it didn't seem that way.

"When… When you didn't come back from hunting that day, I worried about you. I called and when Rose answered and told me to stay away… I knew something was wrong. I drove to the house and it was like…" she stopped, swallowing again. She would not cry. She would _not _allow herself to cry. If he couldn't feel emotions then Bella didn't deserve to either.

"It was like you didn't even see me there. I felt so…" She paused, shaking her head before trying again. "

I didn't want to intrude on you. I felt like I shouldn't have been there. The way you were… apologizing to Alice," she said, almost choking on the name. "It was all my fault." Her eyes were wet now and again, she had to pull her gaze away from Jasper. For as hard as she was really trying to hold back tears, they were becoming inevitable as the scenes she spoke of replayed so vividly in her mind.

"I… I never meant to make you forget about… about.."

This was harder than she thought. Bella was falling apart before she could even get out what she wanted to say, before she could even get some insight as to why he felt as if she didn't want him anymore. "I never stopped wanting you, Jasper," she sniffed. "But I wasn't going to ask you to feel the same. Not after I saw you… And… And Rosalie made it clear that I had been so _stupid_ to think…"

Shaking her head again, she didn't finish anymore about that particular memory. The pain she'd seen him in – that had actually hurt _worse _than seeing him with Maria. Jasper was _hurting_ then and that in turn, hurt Bella.

"I just thought… you'd made up your mind. You didn't want to see me anymore. It had been days and I… I didn't hear from you. I wasn't about to blame you, Jasper. It… I… would have understood," she said, glancing back over at him. "But then Esme came over and said that you hadn't been home and…" She paused to shrug. "I had to find you. It didn't matter if you didn't love me anymore. I… I still loved you. I wasn't going to stop looking for you until I found you. It took me a few days but… but then I did and I saw you with...her," she said. She didn't need to go into anymore detail with that. Both of them knew what had happened there.

"You can't think I didn't still love you, Jasper," she said, almost pleading with him as she met his eyes with her tear-filled lashes.

* * *

There was very little he could say. Jasper did not intend on defending his actions. There was nothing redeeming about what he'd done. The only thing he could try to do was explain his state of mind, which might help her to understand why he did the things he did. It didn't make him right, it didn't make the situations any easier to swallow, but it was truly all he _could _do since he couldn't go back in time and take it all back. There were missing pieces in her story, details which were vital in his decision making that Jasper felt Bella needed to hear. If after hearing them, she still felt that way, then they'd figure something else out. But she at least deserved to know everything.

Talking about Alice wasn't something he'd done with anyone since her death. The only time he had, was when he'd broken down at the cemetery. Even saying her name was a struggle, but for Bella, he would get through it. He had to. She deserved to know the truth. The way she'd interpreted his break down at the house was not for the reason she thought.

"I didn't realize what I was going to be walking into when I came back from hunting that day. Rosalie.. She.. she laid out.. Alice's wedding dress for me to find." The only reason he was able to talk about this was _because _he was still so numb. When I saw the dress, I realized what I'd done. I'd forgotten about her. I wasn't thinking about Alice at all. How did I get to that point?" That was a rhetorical question, so he quietly moved on.

"I never meant to do that and you certainly _did not _make me do it. I.. I didn't know how to balance everything that I was feeling. I know that's hard to believe; emotions are what I usually understand the best, even better than words. But I couldn't figure out how to grieve for Alice and love you at the same time. It didn't seem right that I was so happy, when I should have been devastated. I just didn't know how to balance everything. I made myself believe it had to be all or nothing. And I chose to be happy and love you, and I stopped thinking about her. It was.. horrible of me, to do that to Alice. When I saw the dress, I remembered. I remembered everything I'd repressed and it was too much for me. I broke down. I was begging Alice to forgive me for forgetting about her. I did her and my relationship with her a huge disservice by forgetting."

Jasper turned towards Bella and very gently took her face in his hands. Her skin felt a little flushed, which he assumed was because she was tearing up. He felt terrible about that. He'd caused these feelings. He wanted very much to make things right.

"You were right when you said it seemed like I didn't know you were there. I was completely unaware of everything. I didn't even realize how much time had passed until I came out of it and was informed that three days had gone by." He swallowed, feeling a lump in his throat. It burned, but he had to keep it together. "When I found out what Rosalie did, I was furious. It was one thing to subject me to such a thing, but you.." he shook his head. "I had to get to you. I had to see you, to apologize and beg for _your_ forgiveness.

"When I realized you didn't want me anymore, I had no reason to stay. There was nothing left for me to do but leave. I'd ruined everything, hurt everyone I loved." He lightly brushed her tears away with his fingers. "I.. turned to Maria in order to try to feel something again, because by that point I was so worn down by my numbness I'd grown desperate. Not only that, I felt like I deserved her punishment. I knew she didn't care about me, even when she was telling me she wanted to be with me. I knew she didn't care, and I knew she'd probably hurt me. I welcomed that pain. I deserved it after what I did to you - accident or not." His wrist was still recovering from that incident, actually. It had cleared up for the most part, but the mark it left was still trying to heal itself. It wasn't angry or red anymore, but it was very tender.

"I didn't know what to think, Bella," he said. "I'm not proud of that. I don't like admitting that I wasn't sure if you still loved me or not. I rely so heavily on my power for that, because I can't understand _why_ you'd love me. Being unable to feel anything made me unsure. I'm sorry about that. It's not your fault, it's entirely mine. ...And Rosalie's. But not yours."

* * *

Bella listened to his explanations. When he told her the reasoning behind the breakdown he'd had that day, Bella nodded quietly. She didn't want Jasper to feel badly for mourning his wife. She didn't ever want to feel as if that were something he was unable to do on account of her newfound significance in his life.

One thing that stuck out to her was when he revealed that Rosalie had been the one to lay out the dress. It hadn't just been something that Jasper did on his own, but rather, he was set up for it. That, despite how she tried not to dwell on it now, made Bella angry.

She always knew Rosalie was cruel and it was no secret that the twin hated Bella, but the brunette really didn't understand the depths of her cruelty. Surely Rose knew that such an action would have an effect on her brother and yet, that hadn't stopped her. It was one thing to say something to her about how much she disapproved of the relationship that Bella had with Jasper, but it was completely another to hurt her by way of Jasper. That was exactly what Rosalie had done. She hated their relationship, _hated _Bella, and the way to get that disliking out was to be cruel to Jasper in the process by doing something that she knew would have a strong, negative impact on him.

Bella would never forget that and though she wasn't close to Rose to begin with, this would be something that she didn't know if she would be able to forgive. Those feelings would be kept to herself, however. She didn't know how Jasper felt about his sister or what she'd done and she didn't want to have a negative influence on him either way.

"Jasper," she started, holding her hands over the ones he'd had resting on her face. "You aren't to blame," she said and it was the truth. "You didn't do anything wrong. I'm… I hate what Rosalie did, but I'm not sorry that you had the reaction that you did. I… I guess I did the same thing," she said, taking his hands away from her face so she could hold both of them in front of her. Her eyes glanced down at them as she tried to explain. "I forgot too," she said, feeling guilty as she admitted it. "I pushed aside all the memories I had of what happened in Volterra and just to forget about the negative parts. But… in doing so, I forgot about the rest. You… don't understand," she said, blinking to keep back a fresh wave of tears. If she was going to explain what she was talking about, then Jasper would need to know what happened before, the fall of that year.

"After my birthday party, everything changed," she said. She was careful not to say more about that, knowing how he still felt about the incident even though it wasn't his fault by any means and she didn't hold him responsible. "Edward…" she said, pausing to swallow. "Edward told me that I… that I hadn't been what he wanted, that… that I wasn't good for him. He didn't offer me any other explanation aside from that he… didn't feel the same about me anymore. I don't know if… he ever really did," she said, tears coming now whether or not she attempted to keep them at bay. "That was what I wondered anyway. When he just… _left _me there."

She had to continue or she didn't know if she would be able to. This was getting the all of the cards out on the table. This was getting to their mutual understanding about everything. It had to be done.

"That was the last thing, the last… I remember from him," she said. "When… when we were in Italy… I never had the chance to even speak to him. Not before…" There was no need to finish that part; they both knew what happened. "So the memories I had that were the strongest were the most negative ones. It was just easier for me to push those away and try to forget about them because they weren't good," she explained.

"But your memories of Alice had been nothing but good ones," she said. "I'm sure before she left that you… told her how much you loved her. And… And she did the same," she said. She couldn't be upset about that, but somehow Bella felt she was in any case. She attributed to the fact that she was just feeling a lot of different emotions at once. In truth, she was glad that Alice and Jasper said goodbye to one another, even if they didn't think it would be quite so permanent. She still had to make the point of her story. "Anyway," she said. "That's why I wasn't… affected the same way you were. And I don't blame you for that."

There was something else that needed to be addressed. "I don't know why you keep saying I didn't want you, Jasper. Did… What did I do to make you think that?" she asked, truly needed to understand so she would never make the same mistake. "Was it because I left the house? Because I didn't contact you? I thought… I thought you just needed the space after that day. I didn't want… you to think I was trying to change the way you felt about your memories. I didn't want to be there when you wanted to be alone."

* * *

This was the conversation they should have had weeks and weeks ago, at the start of everything. They should've addressed what happened in Volterra long ago, but maybe it was better that this wasn't coming out until now. They'd been able to take the time to get close, they'd fallen in love, and with that bond between them it might make it easier to get through this difficult time in their lives. Jasper couldn't even imagine what it had been like for Bella while she was in Italy. He knew only by the feelings he'd felt from her as she told the story in the cemetery, and that day he'd been so on edge with his own emotions that he hadn't been able to take in all of hers. Now that he'd shut himself off, he was still having a hard time with feeling what she felt, but he was trying.

"I know that your time in Volterra is not something you find easy to talk about. I don't want to make you speak of it, unless it's something you would do willingly. But... there are just so many things you don't know, Bella. I don't think what Edward did was right, in lying to you about how he felt. I know what he did, and he did it to protect you. I just.. There were other ways. I told him I'd go, that I'd stay away. Alice and I could go live somewhere else for a few years. He didn't want to listen to that, though. He blamed himself for so much. I can't explain why he did what he did. I just know that if I didn't speak on his behalf and tell you that he never stopped loving you, then I wouldn't be honoring his memory."

Jasper did not try to stop her tears. Even though she might not have wanted to cry, he knew that by keeping that emotion in, she'd be doing no favors to herself. She needed to get it out, no matter how raw it left her in the end. Otherwise she couldn't heal.

"I fought with her," he said after a pause. "We fought over her decision to go back to Forks. Alice felt like she had to go see for herself what was going on, and I told her I didn't want her to go. I know, that.. that sounds terrible. It was nothing against you. I've never.. I never was opposed to having you around, or being with Edward. It wasn't that. It was just that Edward made us promise not to have any sort of contact, and I was afraid of the repercussions. I already felt so responsible for everything. I didn't want us going back to Forks to make it worse. But she was so stubborn about it, and.. well obviously she went. I kissed her goodbye, but.. If I'd known.. I.." he didn't finish. Going down that road would just send him into an emotional downward spiral that he wasn't sure he'd recover from, stone wall or not.

"I just.. can't help but wonder if she didn't know what was going to happen. I don't think she saw her fate when she went to Forks, but.. On the plane, when she called. Something just sounded.." He shook his head, frowning as thought of her words. "She was so adamant for me not to follow. And when she told me she loved me, her voice.. I just wonder.. if she knew. If she saw what they were going to do and that was why she told me to stay. If she knew, then Edward would've known by reading her thoughts. They were protecting us. It's irrelevant now, I suppose. I've just had that thought in my head for a long time."

Jasper kept hold of her hands, closing his eyes for a moment. He could see her wrapped up in Jacob's arms again, and it wasn't something he wanted to see. He opened his eyes quickly and looked out at the view again, to try to wipe the imagery away.

"When I came to your house after I recovered from my break down, I just needed to see you. Like I said, I hurried to your house to ask for forgiveness for my absence. But when I got there, your window was closed. I thought it was a sign that you were shutting me out for what I did. I couldn't blame you for that. I messed up badly, and you had every right to close me out of your life. But while I was standing outside your house, I heard that ridiculous movie.. I thought maybe there was still a chance you wanted me, that you'd forgive me. I could feel this rush of relief and calm, happiness. I wanted it to be for me. I looked through your living room window and I saw you. I saw you in Jacob's arms." His frown deepened. "I just thought you'd made your choice. And something happened. I'd expected that my heart would break all over again, but it didn't. Some sort of defense mechanism has sealed my heart in stone, or at least that's how it feels. I don't feel like myself at all."

He closed his eyes again, this time only seeing darkness. "All I know is that I love you, and I want to be with you. And I keep telling myself that as long as I hold onto that as tightly as I can, that it'll be okay. We'll be okay. Being here, alone with you, I'm starting to believe it."

* * *

It didn't make it any easier to hear it, but Jasper seemed to have a point. If it was true that Alice had seen something when en route to Italy that changed the course of action to one that was far more gruesome than anticipated, then Edward would have known as well. They were protecting them. It could have been the truth and it was certainly a feasible one at that. But at the same time, if Edward knew… why wouldn't he tell her that he loved her at least? Why wouldn't he let her _know_? He had seen how clingy she had been to him, how obvious it was that she still loved her fully with her heart despite their absence from one another. He knew.

But Bella didn't. Even if Jasper told her now that his brother loved her, it wasn't the same as Edward reassuring him himself when she needed that more than anything. It was exactly what prevented her from having any closure. That was so heartbreaking to comprehend, even now. If he'd just _told _her… It would have made such a world of difference as far as the coping process for Bella was concerned.

When Jasper launched his explanation, suddenly everything made sense. His worries, his fears of why she didn't want him now had an origin. It was one that was wrong, to be sure, but now Bella could understand and see where such concerns had come from. If that was the case, then she would know what to say to fix it. And considering Jasper was wrong in assuming things from what he saw, there was a lot to be fixed. She waited until he was finished completely before she spoke. She had been eager to explain it all to him, but didn't dare interrupt. When she had the opportunity to speak, she started at the beginning.

"Oh Jasper…" she whispered, awed by misconceptions he'd taken away with him when in reality, the truth was so far from what he thought. "I closed the curtains because I knew you wouldn't be there. If… If it wasn't you, I didn't want anyone else to be there. I didn't want to _see_ anyone else, even if they _were _there. I didn't think you were coming back. There wasn't a need to keep the window open," she said, finishing addressing that issue first.

Then it was onto the more important ones. Jake. Everything that had happened that he'd seen with Jake was wrong. Or rather, it had actually happened, but it was all taken out of context. "I… I missed you so much," she started. "I know it wasn't helping to take away any pain from being away from you, but it… I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I was literally counting the minutes that passed that I hadn't seen you, the seconds even. I tried to do anything I could to feel closer to you. That's why I was watching that movie," she explained. "It was stupid… I know, but… I clung to it. Anything that reminded me of you was something I wanted.

"I hardly even remember Jacob coming over. I couldn't feel anything except hurt and… loneliness. It was worse when he made a joke about that stupid Scarlett," she said. "It reminded me of you so much and that day we'd watched it together that I just… lost it. Jacob was there. He tried to comfort me and because I couldn't stand the pain of missing you so much, I was comforted by his presence," she admitted. "Just for a second, I didn't feel quite so lonely. It wasn't you. But it was something that I could accept if there was no hope of you being the one to be there instead. I guess Jake read my gratitude the wrong way. He-"

She stopped, not wanting to go into how the other boy had belittled her and her relationship not only with Jasper, but with Edward as well. What Jacob had said wasn't important. What _she_ said was.

"Well. I told him that I didn't feel the same way about him, that… I _never_ would. I told him that I loved you and despite how you thought of me, that would never change." She held one of Jasper's hands between her own. "I meant every word of that, Jasper," she said. "I don't think you heard that." She hoped he didn't for what his reaction was to follow. If he heard it and still left, it would have meant that her words didn't mean anything to him. Bella wanted to believe they did.

Leaning down, she brought his hand to her lips and kissed it reverently. "You were right," she said. "I did make a choice. But I was choosing _you_." She kissed his hand again then pushed up the sleeve of his shirt a bit to kiss his wrist. "I _want_ you to believe it will all be okay," she said touching upon what he'd said last. She had confidence now. It stemmed from what else he'd said – he loved her. He _loved _her. That was enough to cement more of the pieces of her heart back together again.

"How can I get you to feel again?" she asked, kissing his wrist another time. "How can I get you to feel how much _I_ feel _for_ you right now?"

* * *

Jasper truly hadn't known what he was expecting her to say. He didn't feel she had to explain herself, or why things ended up the way they did on her end. He thought she'd been reacting to his mistakes and doing the best she could to move on. It hadn't hurt any less, but he understood. Or at least, he thought he'd understood. When Bella informed him of the truth, rather than allowing his misconceptions to continue, he was stunned. It was both a relief, and a slap in the face - the slap being administered by his own hand, not hers. She was the relief. Knowing that she didn't have feelings for Jacob, and that she still was in love with him and not the wolf was an incredibly relief. The slap in the face was for his own stupidity. If he'd waited another minute or two before taking off, if he'd just waited until he could've talked to her alone, so much pain could have been avoided.

He was so sorry for jumping to incorrect conclusions. though. He was again responsible for her pain and that was just another thing to add to his hate for himself. It was done, though. Things had fallen into place, and they were together now. Nothing else mattered, and he needed to make sure he remembered that. He couldn't change the things he'd done, or how he'd acted. All he could do was reassure her that he loved her, and that she was who he wanted to be with for as long as she'd allow it. She was his world, and that world was being rebuilt again - much stronger, more durable this time, he hoped. If they could come away from all of this with an even more solid relationship, then maybe all the pain and trauma was worth it. He still wouldn't wish it on her, nor would he want to go through it again, but he would be thankful for the strength added to their bond. He would be resolved in that nothing could tear them apart again. Not Jacob, not Maria, not his thirst. Nothing.

Jasper watched her as she took his hand and held it between hers. He didn't deserve her at all. Bella was so kind to him, almost painfully so. Her lips were so soft and warm against his frigid skin. He closed his eyes and sighed softly, opening them half way as she kissed his hand again. He saw her pushing his sleeve up and turned away from the sight of his mangled wrist. He was even more ashamed of that scar than he'd ever been before. When he felt her lips against his scar, he tensed for a fraction of a second, then relaxed immediately. Her question was a good one. He did not know what would make him feel again. But he knew that if anyone could do it, it was Bella.

He lifted his eyes to meet hers, then very gently brushed her cheek with the fingers of his free hand. "Coming here with you has helped. Just being with you, it means everything," he said quietly. His eyes scanned her face before settling back into her gaze.

"Belle, I love you so much. I'm so sorry, for everything."

* * *

The way he pulled his gaze away when she paid attention to his scar was not lost on Bella. It hurt her to think of the memory in which she'd actually witnessed that scar being emphasized by such a vicious monster, but it hurt even worse to see how ashamed he was of it. Despite the hurt though, came determination. Bella would somehow – no matter how it took – make him realized how beautiful he was in every single sense of the word. It wouldn't be easy. That much was for sure for how lowly he spoke of himself and how he couldn't even bear to look at his skin for the majority of the time. But it didn't matter – Bella would do it. She would paint him better pictures than the ones Maria had drawn for him. Hers would be full of light and positivism, of beauty and most importantly, of _truth_. Maria's had all been deceptive and negative, anything but what they should have been for someone deserved better as Jasper did.

The pieces of her heart that started to mend slowly back together made a significant leap when he told her he loved her. She wondered if, truly, he had any idea how that felt to her. Since he was struggling with emotions still, she figured he didn't. At least, he wouldn't just then. Bella was confident that these feelings wouldn't waver. Love was a powerful thing; perhaps more than she gave it credit for. It could take hurt and heartache and exterminate them no matter how deeply rooted they may have been. She had been so sure that her heart was far too broken too many times to be able to fix itself again. But Jasper was doing that. He was fixing it.

Before he could continue to apologize, she leaned forward to put a stop to his words with a kiss. "I love you too, Jasper," she whispered against his mouth.

That was both her way of accepting his apology for the things that happened and giving him one of her own which he deserved just as much. Love, whenever his heart would melt enough to be able to allow for feeling again, would be the only thing he felt coming from Bella. It could take a minute or a hundred years and it would make no difference – nothing was going to change this. Nothing would change the fact that she loved him with every fiber of her being and would continue to do so no matter what things were thrown at them.

She moved a hand to the back of his neck, gently scratching her fingernails against the nape of it, tickled by the nearly-dried curls. Kissing his forehead, she then leaned her own against it, nose to nose with him. She didn't say anything else for the moment. Instead, Bella was taking full comfort in this moment knowing that from then on out, there was only one way to go. Up from rock bottom.

And they would do it together.

* * *

**Author's Note:** As we said, a LOT of talking in this chapter but every bit of it was very important. We threw in some fun stuff too, so it wasn't all emotional! The next handful of chapters bring about a _very_ important step in Jasper and Bella's relationship. And trust us, it's a good thing. Lots for lots of fun and happy stuff coming up! And something else many of you have been waiting for. :) So stay tuned! We are going to begin posting chapters once we get more reviews for the previous ones so please, make sure if you enjoy the story, you let us know! Not only does it tell us your thoughts (which we love) but it will help us get the next chapters up sooner! Cheers

**Special thanks:** To our dear friend Chrissi (starnosy), who was so incredibly sweet to make a beautiful graphic based on our story (which you can see in our profile where we put a link), we posted this chapter early. Thank you so much, Chrissi. Your artwork is so lovely and we're so honored that you were inspired by our story. We're still squealing! :D

**Lyrics:** Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol


	20. Chapter 20

_Face to face_  
_my lovely foe_  
_Mouth to mouth_  
_raining heaven's blows_  
_Hand on heart_  
_tic tac toe_  
_Under the stars_  
_naked as we flow ;;_

This was what a vacation was supposed to be. After their serious discussion, in which they'd talked out a lot of their concerns and sorted out the issues they'd been having that drove them apart before, things mellowed out. The original intent of coming out here was to get away until they figured things out, but even after they'd done so, they were reluctant to leave. While they were at the cabin, they could just be Bella and Jasper. There was nothing to pull at them, to try to interfere with or destroy their love. They only had each other, and that was enough. After he'd opened up to her and everything fell into place, Jasper felt his walls starting to come down. They were still there, but had weakened considerably. He was starting to feel things again, and he was afraid that if they left then that would be forced to go away and he'd clam up again. He knew they couldn't stay there forever, but for right now, he just didn't want to go anywhere else.

Cohabiting with Bella was very easy. Jasper was getting a glimpse at what life would be like to live with Bella all the time, and truthfully? He liked what he saw. They'd spent the last two days indulging in each other and what the house had to offer. They watched old movies while curled up together on the couch or under the covers of the bed they'd claimed as theirs. They'd taken several walks together around the property. Carlisle owned a few acres of the surrounding land as well, and they didn't stray far from it. There were even a few times when Jasper helped with the preparation of her meals. Of course with that, he'd needed her guidance because he didn't know where anything was, but it was something else for them to do together. Jasper wasn't going to pass up any opportunity to spend time with her.

Everything seemed so much lighter. The mood, the atmosphere, even the weather. Now that they'd gotten through to each other about everything and reminded each other of their love, everything just got a lot easier. It was what Jasper had been waiting for. He wasn't existing in survival mode anymore. It suddenly wasn't so hard to face every new day; it wasn't so hard to get out of bed and breathe every morning. All Jasper had to do was think of Bella, and everything became so easy. He loved that. She was such a positive force in his life, as was their love for each other. He never wanted to be away from her again, though he'd had to go hunt that morning. Jasper had gone very early in the morning, however, so that most of his time gone she'd be asleep. When he came back, his eyes were a brilliant shade of gold, indicating he'd satiated his thirst. Jasper took a shower after returning in order to wash of the mud, dirt, and any blood left over. Once he was finished, they'd spent the morning cooking her breakfast and curled up together on the couch to watch an old movie.

Throughout the movie, things got a little playful between them. He'd figured out where she was ticklish and on occasion he'd tease her by lightly poking at those ticklish places. It was amusing, and he didn't want to stop. Their playfulness had resulted to them playing with each other through the first floor of the house. Once they were out on the deck, Jasper wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

"Gotcha," he said with a grin, then kissed her and laughed after he pulled back. "That was pretty easy."

* * *

Jasper was not the only one who liked what he saw when he was given insight as to what living together would be like. Bella too, was growing ever fonder of the idea. The first day they'd been there, she had a small glimpse into things as she thought about how nice it felt to be putting clothes away next to his. But back then, she'd forced herself not to think too much into it. That had been before they sat down and sorted through their issues. It had not been an easy thing – neither of them would claim that it had been. The time leading up to this trip had been even more filled with difficulties. But Bella was convinced that if they didn't go through such hardships, they wouldn't be able to appreciate things the way they were now quite as much as they were.

It was even better when Bella neglected to think about when they'd gotten there and wherever they were going to leave. She was indulging in living in the present, living with _Jasper_. Little things that normally wouldn't have held such significance to her suddenly did. How many times did she cook meals for herself or for Charlie? She never even thought about it anymore for how habitual it had become. But when she would make things with Jasper, she had such a newfound appreciation for the task. Even though he couldn't join her in eating, he seemed so determined to be able to help out in whatever way he could with the preparation. It was endearing to see the little line that creased his forehead when he was looking in one of the cookbooks Esme had stowed away or when he watch watching as Bella showed him the different ways of cutting up vegetables. She liked the way it felt to be able to feel like _she _could teach him something.

This particular morning had been no different than the last two they'd had together. The only thing that varied was that when Bella opened her eyes, she was met with a different shade of his. Her favorite shade. He told her the night before that he would be doing some hunting in the morning, letting her know if case she would have woken to find him gone, but Bella had slept through the duration of his absence. Here, in this secluded cabin in the woods, she didn't mind being alone. Of course she preferred the time to be spent with Jasper, but when he had to separate from her, it was easier to endure. There was nothing to fear where they were, no lingering threat that lurked around any corners. There were no newborns or bitter vampires or angsting werewolves. Few people even knew where they were which made it all the more exciting to be tucked away as a couple.

And they truly _were_ a couple. It became increasingly more obvious even more as they continued to spend time with one another. It seemed like ever since they'd reunited and cleared the air after their discussion, that touches and kisses were a little longer, just a little bit more frequent, and they laughed a little more. Now was a prime example as she ran from him onto the deck. Of course he always caught her, but that wasn't the point. The point was that there _was_ no point. They were simply having fun with one another.

"Yes well I imagine that's where the super speed comes in handy," she teased him. "But you know what?" she asked, leaning closer to him as if she were about to give him another kiss. Just before her lips touched his however, Bella wriggled out of his arms and dashed away, seeking shelter behind the barrier of the hot tub that occupied one corner of the deck.

"For a human, I think I do pretty well," she finished with a cheeky grin.

* * *

Jasper always had to be mindful of what he was doing with her. It had been something he was particularly careful about when they first started to get close. He was always aware about how much pressure he put on her hand when he held it, how tightly his arms wrapped around her when they embraced, how long he would kiss her before he knew she would need oxygen. He was careful never to pin her down, or to put himself in a place where he would not be able to resist the temptation of being the predator to her prey. Most importantly? He had been careful not to let her know he was being so cautious. He knew how Bella hated to think of herself as breakable and vulnerable. Though she had to know to at least some degree that he was being cautious, it wasn't something that he broadcasted or made overly obvious when they were together - which was all the time, now.

It was also nice to be able to relax around her enough to _be _playful with her. This was a side of Jasper that not many got to see. Normally when he was around people, all they saw was an aloof, even cold looking young man who was intimidating, tragically beautiful, and completely unapproachable. He'd never given himself the chance to care about that, though, because he was always too busy trying to drown out the sounds of heartbeats and breathe without feeling the fiery burn of his thirst. He'd always been trying so hard just to keep it together that he couldn't focus on anything else, like being friendly or letting his natural charisma shine. But he was used to being around Bella now. Her heartbeat didn't pound in his ears the way it used to, and her scent didn't make him want to envision ways to kill her. It was different because he loved her so much.

Jasper was able to play with her, to relax and just enjoy being with her. He _was _still careful when it came to his strength, but it wasn't something he had to think about nearly as much as he once did. His caution came naturally for him now, just as everything else did that concerned Bella. Everything was so effortless. Certainly there were still complications. He was a vampire, she was a human. But those weren't complications that they didn't already know about before they got close. They just managed to get around them as best they could, and it was working.

He pulled her against him and grinned as she talked about his inhuman speed. He was drawn in just as she intended as she teased him with hints of another kiss. Her methods worked on him, enough that he'd loosened his hold enough for her to wiggle free from him. Jasper laughed, though he was a bit disappointed he'd missed out on a kiss. He watched as she scampered behind the hot tub for a hiding place and chuckled. He played along, stalking around the side of the structure.

"I'll give you that, though I wonder why you run when you know I'll just catch you."

* * *

It was a good thing that Jasper had an idea of how sensitive Bella could be about certain elements of their relationship. The fact that she was 'breakable' was her least favorite difference between the two of them. She hated being looked at as being a fragile object that always had to be guarded and protected rather than what she really was – just a girl who was in love. It was like the kids who collected those special dolls and action figures only to keep them in display boxes and never play with them. That had been so far from the child that Bella had been; she never understood why you would have a toy but not play with it. That's what they had had made for wasn't it?

She kind of fell into that category of misunderstanding with Jasper. They were in love. Why wouldn't they show it? Bella never hesitated to hold onto him as tightly as she could even though he couldn't do the same in the identical respect. It made it clear that he was the toy she wanted to play with, not just keep locked up in a glass case. It meant incredibly much to her that he kept his concerns for her safety at bay. Bella wasn't naïve enough to think that he didn't have worries about hurting her. But he hardly ever said anything and the way he acted so carefree with her made her feel like she was so much more than just a safety hazard. It was much easier to love someone when they weren't constantly reminding you that they could kill you with one flick of the wrist.

It was a shame that not more many people got to see this side of Jasper. He was so different than what she knew most people thought of him. Bella was even more aware of it because, at first, she had been the very same way upon seeing him. He was so stoic all the time, intimidating and yet drop-dead gorgeous. But that wasn't what Jasper was. He was _so _much more than just a frosty exterior. He was the epitome of heart and feeling. There were so many things that made him react in the way he usually did when in the presence with others – his need to keep his blood lust at bay was easily the biggest. It wasn't an explanation that he could exactly give to account for his distant demeanor. But those who mattered knew the truth and Bella was lucky enough to be considered one of them.

As he stalked toward her, she continued moving around the fixture to keep it between them at all times. It was harder to do considering she wanted to watch him and needed to watch where she was going at the same time.

"Because," she said, lifting an eyebrow at him. "I know how much you like to chase me."

Her words were a little meaningful considering his nature, but she was keeping up with the playful tone. "Besides. You're an old man. You really should be thanking me for keeping you on your toes s much," she pointed out with a grin as she continued to move around the tub.

* * *

Though they had basically accomplished what they intended to by leaving Forks, Jasper felt they deserved this time to themselves. Why should they solve their problems, then go right back to the place where they originated and potentially could spawn more? He knew that when they eventually did go back, they'd be facing new obstacles and the same dangers that hadn't been taken care of would be lurking, but that wasn't what this time together was about. They'd gotten through something rough and devastating. They should be able to enjoy each other and have time to make up for what they lost while they were apart. Maybe that was selfish, but Jasper didn't care. He never claimed to be selfless.

He didn't see how what they were doing could be considered selfish, though. Anyone who saw them could see they were in love, and simply showing it to one another. There were countless other couples everywhere who were allowed to do exactly what they were doing now anytime they wanted. It wasn't _fair_that the two of them had to run away in order to engage in what should be normal and expected behavior of two people in love. The situation they were in was probably unlike anyone else, but that didn't mean that they couldn't love each other freely, and indulge in their feelings, did it?

Jasper paused when she called him an old man. "Pardon? Old?" He asked, scoffing.

He couldn't help but to laugh, though. That was true. By human standards he was _beyond_old. He wasn't as ancient as Carlisle, but he had lived probably the span of two human lifetimes. It was difficult to keep up the banter when he was laughing, but he tried. "I like to think of myself more as a vintage wine. I get better with age," he said, chuckling as he moved around the side of the hot tub a little quicker. He didn't move too fast yet, though, as he didn't want her to trip or anything.

"You do keep me on my toes, though. Perhaps I should show you just how active you've allowed me to become?" He snickered and in the blink of an eye, he'd darted around the tub and snatched her up into his arms. "Pretty quick on my toes, aren't I?"

Jasper held her up off the deck, cradling her against his body. There was a mischievous glint in his golden eyes, however. "You know, we haven't tested this to make sure it's still in working condition."

Keeping her balanced with one arm, he lifted the covering off with ease and flipped the switch. The jets sprang to life as soon as he did, and he held Bella over the water.

"I'm just a bit concerned with the temperature... What do you think?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows, and then promptly dropping her into the water.

He knew, of course, that the hot tub was in working condition. Carlisle had said so on the phone when they'd spoken about the house. He just wanted to play with her, to get more of a rise out of her.

* * *

It _wasn't _fair that they couldn't be themselves like this when they were back in Forks. The worst part about it was that people who should have been more supportive than others – friends, family – were some of those that were causing problems. Rosalie and Jake, of course, were the frontrunners in those who should have had nothing but kind things to say on account of people they loved finding solace in one another and beginning to heal form horrible ghosts in the past.

But perhaps since they'd struggled with acceptance of others, it only made the bond that the two of them shared even stronger. This trip alone was a testament to that once they'd worked out the reasons that drove them to run away from the rest of the world. More than ever, Bella felt connected with Jasper on a deeper level. Her heart would back that up considering how much it started to heal just since they'd arrived at the cabin. Playing around with him now was another crucial part in slicking the pieces together and imprinting them permanently. This was the part of the healing process that she preferred over the serious, tear-filled talks and explanations of past behavior. Misconceptions and fallacies were important to be fixed, but just as important was laughter.

The two of them certainly had a lot of that now. She didn't even have a second to blink before the predator finally caught his prey. "It seems like I'm doing my job then." She said in regard to how fast he was in capturing her in his arms.

She linked her arms around his neck and opened her mouth to say something else before he spoke about the hot tub. There was a mischievous glint in his golden eyes and she caught a smile that read more into his joking nature than anything else.

"You wouldn't," she said with a warning tone, tightening her arms around his neck as he feigned innocence and curiosity as to the state of the water in the hot tub.

But he did. In another blink, Bella was in the warm, bubbling pool. She squealed, despite the fact that the temperature was not at all cold and in fact, felt nice in the cooler mid-afternoon mountain air.

Her dress clung to her and she had to take a second to get her bearings enough to stand on her feet, but once she did, Bella fixed Jasper with a look. "You're in trouble," she said, trying to be firm and serious but failing considering a smile was begging to be unleashed on her lips.

Moving to the side of the tub, she reached for him until she could twist her fingers around the fabric of his shirt. She pulled, knowing that if he wanted to, he could easily resist, but not caring either way.

"Get in here, Whitlock."

* * *

Jasper couldn't help but grin at her. He knew he was going a little far with actually tossing her into the water rather than just faking her out and setting her back down. That would have been too predictable, though. She would've probably been expecting him to just set her back down. But it was all in good fun, he hoped, and it seemed Bella felt that way, too. He was still having a hard time feeling her emotions, but he couldn't see any real anger on her expression after she surfaced out of the water. She looked irritated, but in a playful way.

When he actually took a moment to look at her in her soaked state, he made a point to look her over again. The way her dress had formed to her body, Jasper was able to see every curve and angle of her slender frame. He'd seen her in form fitting attire before, and even touched her bare skin while kissing her. But this was very different. He didn't know if it was the water, or what. It just had a stronger effect on him. Though he was staring for what seemed like a long time to him, was probably actually only a second or two for Bella. Desire cracked its way through the stone barrier around his heart; he wasn't sure if she felt it or not, but he certainly did.

His eyes dropped to her hand as she closed her fingers around his shirt and pulled. Indeed, he could have easily pulled back and out of her grasp, but why would he want to do that? There was no way he could resist her when she was pulling him towards her. Jasper could tell it was going to be difficult for him to maintain the playful atmosphere they'd created when there was such a strong undertone of desire. He could only offer a smirk when she demanded he get into the water with her.

Jasper did get in, though. He moved as she pulled, and in one fluid motion he'd climbed into the water. He could immediately feel his pajama bottoms clinging to his legs, but he didn't care. The hot water was especially warm on his icy skin. Jasper couldn't warm himself up naturally, but with the constant heat in the water, it would combat the cold he usually gave off.

"Better?" He asked, tilting his head. "Of course now I can just catch you again," he said, and slid his arms slowly around her waist.

* * *

Bella _could_ feel something coming from him. As they spent more time together after they'd had their serious talk, she had been hoping to feel some of his emotions again. She was going to keep to her word that she would do everything she could to help him get back to learning how to feel again. When they were laughing so much and playing around with one another, she thought she had an inkling of something. He certainly had _seemed_like he was feeling some sort of light-hearted emotion as their time at the cabin progressed.

But this particular something wasn't exactly light-hearted. It was…different. However, it was recognizable. The reason for that was because Bella had felt it many times when she was with Jasper. The most recent time had been when he just looked at her before he joined her in the tub and though it had only lasted a few seconds, she witnessed the way his eyes moved over her. That look was more than enough to ignite sparks of desire of her own. Those wouldn't be helped any further when he stepped into the water and was greeted with the gentle waves from the jets and bubbles lapping against his waist. Her eyes watched the color of his t-shirt darken around the hem as a result. It was the littlest thing to take note of, but it was captivating to Bella.

When he pulled her against his, the fingers she had around his shirt flattened and her palm pressed against his chest. Her body was quick to follow, however, and when she slid both of her hands to his shoulders she noticed more of his shirt discolored by the water. Now Jasper wouldn't be the only one feeling desire. As result of her briefly being pressed to him, his shirt was wet from touching her own clothes and the fabric clung to his skin. Her eyes lingered on his chest for a moment, even when her hands pushed against his shoulders to persuade him to walk backwards a couple of steps until his waist hit the edge of the tub. By then, Bella's eyes flickered upward to meet his and there they would remain as she put pressure against the tops of his shoulders near either side of his neck to coax him to sit on one of the underwater benches.

That put them on the same level. When she continued to approach him, stepping between his knees, the brunette leaned in dangerously close to his mouth before speaking, changing the tone from a playful one to something of a more serious one.

"I think you already did."

* * *

This was not the first time Jasper had felt this sort of intense desire for Bella. He'd felt it when they'd laid in her bed, kissing deeply and touching each other in intimate, tempting ways. They'd been locked in passionate kisses, allowing their hands to roam each other's bodies and venturing into territory previously unexplored by their fingers. Jasper had been very tempted to press onward that day, even though he was fairly certain if he did, her bed would not have lived to see another day. There was another moment, when they were kissing at their carousel and things got very heated between them. Bella had ventured out with her tongue, licking his lip. It had ignited so much passion within him, Jasper had barely been able to resist. It was only his intense concern for her safety that kept him from progressing things further that day. What would stop him today? He'd always relied on his emotions for answers. Now that he couldn't, how would he know when to stop?

It was difficult to think about those things right now. Not when Bella was was guiding him downward into the water. He felt the hot liquid spreading all around him, soaking his shirt. It clung to his defined chest and stomach, just as his pants had done to his legs. He realized very quickly that he'd changed the nature of this game with his actions, by putting Bella in here and then following her. The roles had switched. Suddenly _he _felt more like the prey. It was an interesting switch, to say the least, and he was enjoying himself quite a bit.

As Bella's hands laid against his shoulders, he let his own slide from her waist to rest on her hips. He could feel her hip bones beneath the soaked dress, and squeezed gently as he looked into her eyes. She moved towards him and he pulled her in by the hips, never once losing sight of her gaze. He parted his lips slightly as she started to lean in, and sucked in a sharp breath as she spoke.

"And what's my reward this time?" He asked in a low whisper.

His golden eyes had darkened a little, but it had nothing to do with his thirst. Jasper brushed his lips against hers, an icy puff of air brushing against her heated skin.

* * *

Yes, they'd had moments similar to this one before when it seemed more difficult to put a halt to more intense kisses and braver touches. But Bella was always mindful after two occasions. The first had been that day when she touched her tongue to his lips at the fairgrounds. She could still remember the way he tensed against her touch and how he pulled away to explain, causing her so much embarrassment that the threat of melting on account of the blush on her cheeks was something that Bella thought she was going to have to resort herself to. That had been enough to teach her that she needed to be more mindful of her actions before giving into them. She didn't want to put either of them in that position again where he had felt guilty and she felt ashamed.

The second occasion that had an impact on Bella's actions afterward was the scene she'd witnessed between Jasper and Maria. It had been so unlike anything that the two of them engaged in. The vivid imagery was still burned into her mind and she could see it clearly if she allowed herself a moment to remember it. She had been trying to avoid doing so at all costs, but whenever she wondered what she could and couldn't do, she acknowledged the sad truth that she would never be able to touch him like Maria did. She would _never_be able to kiss him the way she wanted to as Maria had. And he would never do the same in return. That was a hard fact to swallow.

But an even more difficult thing was to allow these memories to keep her from _wanting_ to progress further with him. When she was caught up in a moment with him, Bella was thinking of little else besides how it felt to be close to his body and subject to his kisses. That's what seemed to be happening now when his hands spanned her hips and pulled her closer to him. His theory about her being the predator and he being the prey would have elicited amusement on Bella's part, but it would have made sense on some level. Who ever would have thought? When he touched his lips to hers in an icy breath, she exhaled a warm one against his and added the smallest bit of pressure in a kiss before responding.

"You tell me."

* * *

By saying things like that, Bella was going to make it extremely hard for him to stop. Jasper closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers. The desire was even more intense now, as his had mingled and meshed with hers. This was a true test of his control. There was a part of him that wanted very much to turn her over and rip her dress off and give in to his desires. That part of him was growing ever more present with each intimate exchange of words and gestures they shared. He knew he couldn't go through with that.

But why not?

Why shouldn't they give in to their indulgences and share one another? Why shouldn't he give her his body to go along with his heart and soul? Shouldn't she have it? Wasn't it rightfully hers?

Yes, it was. But there were several factors keeping him from going through with that particular act. First was her comfort level and her safety. Jasper knew that there was a terrible risk he could hurt her, and he also knew he sometimes got a little aggressive with his passion in that regard. He couldn't get aggressive with her, not if he didn't want to rip her apart. Jasper was intense by nature, and that applied to his passion as well.

He pulled her down against him, into his lap. One arm held her in place, locked firmly around her back. His other hand slid down over her hip to her thigh, running all the way to her knee, then back up. As he journeyed his hand back up her thigh towards her hip, he raked up the skirt of her dress with it in order to keep his hands on her skin. He pulled her closer, bringing their hips together firmly. Jasper let out another puff of cold air, though this one was accompanied by a soft sound.

Jasper opened his eyes to meet hers again, but quickly closed them as he kissed her. He pressed his lips firmly to hers, deeply rooted with the passion he felt for her. He wanted her so much, and it showed in everything from the way he was touching and kissing her, to how his own body reacted to having her against him in such a way.

"I still don't want the moose," he whispered against her lips. Jasper kissed her again, even deeper, if one could imagine that. He knew he had to be careful, no matter how much he wanted to let loose and take her right there. He knew that was just instinct talking, not the Jasper that loved her.

"Kiss me," he murmured, but took the liberty to instigate his kiss first.

* * *

There were plenty of reasons 'why not'. They both knew that. As much as Bella hated being looked at as being a fragile, breakable thing, she knew that such was the very reason they hadn't pushed the boundaries of intimacy further than they had before. But how breakable _was_ she? It was extremely difficult for her to see how Jasper would hurt her. She, of course, understood how easily he could by means of his strength, but Bella had so much faith in him. She knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he wouldn't allow himself to actually _hurt _her. He could maintain his control before that happen. Bella was confident in that.

She certainly didn't make it any easier for him though. It was such an increasingly harder task to remind herself to not push him too far. But in truth, if she could know that he wouldn't want her to stop and was sure that he would be able to endure it, Bella would have asked him to take her right there and then without a second more wasted.

Still being truthful, she didn't know if she would be able to prevent herself from doing that very thing soon enough. Especially when he pulled her into his lap. It was like Bella's body knew exactly what to do in response to his. Her thighs parted to rest on either side of his and her elbows settled on his shoulders so she could weave her fingers through his hair, dampening some of the curls. She was aware of his hand moving her dress and couldn't contain a gasp when Jasper pulled her hips against his. When he kissed her, he stole her breath away, but it was not enough to keep her from returning the kiss with the same passion he was giving into.

The way he sounded, the way his tone was darker, when he spoke his command for her to kiss him caused a chill up Bella's spine. It had nothing to do with the temperature either. In actuality, she felt warmer than usual when they touched each other. The water caused his skin to blend with the temperature of her own. As they kissed, her hands left his hair. One of them traced down his arm, following it until it reached the hand he had on her hip. Her fingers pressed his against her body where he had them resting and at the same time, she used the pressure to push her hips against his again. Her other hand snaked down his other side to slip beneath his shirt. Dipping beneath the fabric, she tugged the garment upward a few inches so her fingers could splay against his abdomen.

"Our skin feels the same," she uttered against his mouth in a breathy whisper. Her hands pressed against him more firmly as if to emphasize this point.

* * *

If Jasper had known the amount of faith Bella had in him, he would have scoffed. It would not be intended to insult her, but he just had such impossibly high standards for himself, and he still had not forgiven himself for lunging at her. He wasn't sure he ever would, truly, no matter what she said about there being nothing to forgive. He did not trust himself, but he did trust in his love for her. He knew that it was strong enough to keep him from biting her, or at least, he hoped it was. There were no guarantees; one could only fight nature for so long. It seemed he was winning that fight right now, though. He just hoped he could continue to do so.

He had, of course, thought about what it would be like should Bella be turned. Long ago Alice had said she'd seen the change happen, but everything had been different back then. The circumstances had all changed. He wouldn't allow himself to think of it much, for he felt incredibly selfish in doing so even if she once _had _made the decision that she wanted it to happen. But when he did think about it, he imagined what it would be like to clutch her tightly, to kiss her fully, to give her all of him without harming her, to finally not feel like a cold statue to her when she curled up in his arms. But those were all selfish reasons, and thus, he kept them in the back of his mind most of the time. He loved her as she was; he loved her warmth, he loved how soft she was, he loved the sound of her heart beat, and her human scent. He loved how endearing she was. He'd fallen in love with her as a human, he was attracted to her as a human. He would be happy with her as a human, for the course of her life. And he would engage in these intimate exchanges with her as a human, for as long as she desired him.

He certainly desired her. His hand continued to slide over her bare thigh, dangerously close to treading into completely uncharted territory. He continued to kiss her until she spoke, his breath coming in gasps. However unnecessary oxygen might have been for him, he breathed anyway, intoxicated by her scent. He could hear her heart pounding and he could practically feel the rush of blood coursing through her veins. As her hand found its way beneath his shirt and she pressed his against her body, he could also feel the similiarities in their skin. Jasper opened his golden eyes just barely, enough to look at her.

"I love you," he whispered, his lips parted and ready to kiss her again. "God, Belle... I desire you so much."

He clutched her to him, feeling a jolt of pleasure and desire rush through him; the thin barrier of her undergarment and his pajama bottoms being all that stopped him from giving her all of himself. He knew he couldn't have her that night, though. Jasper, though he would not have objected to engaging in premarital relations, could not bring himself to satiate their desires that night. Not while his heart was still encased in stone. He had to be able to give her everything at once; body, soul, and heart. Otherwise he'd never be able to forgive himself.

* * *

Bella would not have thought it was selfish of him to want her to be immortal for those reasons. She too wanted to be able to engage with him in giving freely of one another and if she were like him, it would be possible. When she was depressed and it didn't seem like there was any bright light in her future, she wanted her days to end so much sooner. She didn't want to live eternally anymore if it meant it was an eternity filled with pain and heartache and little else.

But now the thought had crossed her mind again so many times. Jasper was to blame for such a change, a reverting back to her original wishes to be changed. Maybe, though, her reasons would have been considered selfish as well. If she were like him, she would literally never have to leave his side. There would be no need for sleeping or eating or other such activities that drove a wedge between their time spent together that was awake and alert. She would be able to kiss him however she wanted, touch him however she desired. There were be no repercussions save for pleasurable ones. There would be no more fear about breaking boundaries because there would no longer be any boundaries to break. It was a wonderful thought and one that Bella continued to frequent during their stay at the cabin.

She couldn't think about _anything_ now that wasn't Jasper's body though. Even someone who was prone to doubting, Bella would have had a hard time doing so with the way she could feel _exactly _how his body reacted to hers. When he spoke the words aloud though in addition… Bella felt as if she were on fire. It was very hard to keep still in his arms, especially when her hips liked the way his felt against them and continued to move in order to make their presence known. The fact that their separating garments were thin to begin with made things more difficult, but since the fabric was soaked through, it was damn near impossible to think straight.

Bella didn't speak verbally to respond to him. Instead, she let her body show it. She spoke an 'I love you' in the way she crushed her lips to his, igniting a kiss that would leave her breathless sooner rather than later. Her body spoke an 'I desire you' in the way both of her hands moved beneath his shirt. Her fingers ran upward over the defined muscles in his chest, taking the fabric with them. She needed more of that skin. Encouraged by his words, both unspoken and not, she pulled at the shirt with speed that was impressive for a human, willing it to come off completely.

* * *

Jasper hoped that this was a step in the right direction towards finding himself again. Feeling any sort of emotion at all from her and himself surely had to mean something. The fact that it was desire that he was feeling was a big deal. They were no stranger to it, but they were in a much more intimate setting, in a _very _different set of circumstances. There was no chance that Charlie would come home, or one of his family members might show up, or Jacob would come over. It was just the two of them, engaging in what should have been considered normal to any other couple as deeply involved as they were.

He kept his arm around her back, holding her against him. He did not want her to drift off due to the water. The last thing he wanted was to part from her. His body needed hers; it was aching for hers, quite literally. Having her able to feel that was something that probably would have embarrassed him, but since his emotional state was so out of synch, he did not feel it at all. All he knew was that he wanted her, and he wanted her now.

But Jasper would not make love to her that night. He couldn't do it in this state of emotion. He needed to be able to love and feel love completely before he'd do that. That didn't mean he wasn't going to touch her, though, as was evident by how he had been doing so just before. Jasper squeezed her thigh gently, then slid his hand out from under her dress. He trailed it lightly over the curve of her hip and of her waist. He kissed her deeply, until she was in dire need of air.

He let her pull upward on his shirt. The clouds had made the sky very overcast, so he did not try to fight her. His scars would not be visible, which made him a little more confident. Her fingers over his stomach had made him close his eyes again. He chuckled just barely as she pulled on his shirt, though he did not try to stop her from pulling it off of him. The wet garment lay on th deck, already forgotten.

Jasper's breathing was a bit ragged, even though air intake was completely unnecessary. He kissed her again, and slid his hand around from her side to lightly cup her breast. He squeezed gently, hoping she wouldn't mind.

* * *

Being able to feel how aroused he was wasn't something that Bella thought should have embarrassed him. She could be sure that she was just as pulled in by desire. It was just much more physically enabled to remain hidden unlike Jasper's state was. If anything, _her _cheeks should have been blushing a deep shade.

But that was the strange thing. He cheeks were certainly pink, but the slightly off-coloring had nothing to do with embarrassment. She felt none. If asked prior to this, Bella would have predicted that she would be rather awkward and shy in such an intimate situation. Nervous, to say the very least. But instead, she wasn't thinking about any of those things. Jasper might have been struggling with his ability to _feel_, but it seemed like that was all Bella _could _do. Feeling was driving her actions. Desire and utter want was keeping her from feeling any apprehension. It was all such a rush that she couldn't be bothered to consider any worries or fears.

That wouldn't last much longer though. Because she was so focused on how things felt, his touches were having a significantly pleasurable effect on her. Despite the fact that the hot water in the bubbling tub made his skin warmer to the touch, his fingers still felt chilled when they moved over her breast. It caused her to suck in a breath and exhale it a moment later in a quiet groan when he squeezed the small mound of flesh. Her back arched ever so slightly and she pressed against him, trapping her hands against his now bare torso.

Lack of thinking soon became apparent when Bella returned his kiss. Her lips parted and again she let out a quiet sound. But as she did, her teeth grazed his lower lip and she bit down on the smooth surface without a second thought.

A moment was all it took though for Bella to register what she'd just done and she immediately pulled back, eyes opening to reveal a worried, frightened gaze. She took a step too far. It had been bad enough when their kissing needed to be stopped before when her tongue touched his lip, and thus, Bella knew that _biting _him was definitely against the rules.

She crawled off of him and hastily stepped backwards until her back hit the edge of the other side of the hot tub. "I'm sorry," she uttered frantically. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just… wasn't- I got caught up in- I'm sorry," she apologized again.

She didn't want this to end badly. She feared so _much_ that she ruined everything that led up to this moment because of her own stupid lapse in judgment. She was not allowed to kiss him so forcefully. She was not allowed to ever be so _bold_. After that day at their carousel in such a similar situation, she'd vowed to herself that she would never make that mistake again.

And yet… she did. She could almost see everything happening before any of it actually did. She could see his face turn to one of pain. She could see him start to feel guilty. It was exactly what happened last time and yet again, Bella broke a promise to herself that she would never put him in such a position again.

"Please don't be upset, Jas," she begged him.

* * *

If there was one thing in the world he could wish for and be granted, it would've been to be warm for her. Jasper had voiced that to her once before, a long time ago when she asked him what he missed the most about being human. He would've given anything to be able to be warm for her in that moment. Maybe the chill had a pleasurable effect on her, but he still felt certain that soft, warm hands would have felt better than cold marble that was temporarily heated by the water.

That couldn't happen, though, so Jasper had to work with what he was given. His touch was very gentle and unassuming. Though he had a tendency to be aggressive, he could also be very sensitive and tender. He did not want to frighten Bella, or make her feel she had to engage in anything she didn't want to do. However, it seemed his actions were welcomed. The way she pressed against him and was touching him had made him almost painfully aroused, and his body was craving her attention. He would be patient, though. He wanted to touch her first. He thought that would be the better way to approach the situation. He was nervous too, but he knew she had to be even more because of her inexperience. This was new territory for him too, though. He had never touched Bella specifically, not in this way. Nor had he ever touched a human in such an intimate way. Not even during his human life.

He continued to kiss her as his hand lightly massaged her breast, becoming very acquainted with the tender mound of flesh over the soaked fabric of her dress. Jasper was about to start unzipping it all together, when he felt her teeth nip at his lip. His eyes opened and before he could actually respond Bella had recoiled. She put a few feet of distance between them, retreating to the opposite side of the tub. It shocked him, that she'd reacted almost as if she was afraid of him and what he'd do. He knew it was more that she was afraid she'd ruined the moment, but he didn't like her feeling fear in any given situation that involved him. Did she think he was going to yell at her? Shun her?

For a brief moment, he just looked at her before he spoke. "I'm not upset. Am I moving too fast? Are you uncomfortable?" He asked softly. Then he very slowly reached his hand out to her. "Come back to me?

He wasn't upset. The images she anticipated never wound up occurring after all. But still, Bella was hesitant. When he asked her to come back to him, she took his hand and acquiesced to his request, but her steps were cautious. She was trying to think of how she could explain her reaction. It had nothing to do with any of the reasons he'd listed in his questions and she didn't want him to think that she was at all uncomfortable.

* * *

"It's not that," she said softly. "It's just…"

She really didn't want to have this conversation. Bella hated when she appeared weak, especially in front of Jasper. She always wanted to be strong for him, especially since he needed it in order to get his emotions back to where he needed them. But the fact of the matter was that she _was_ feeling weak as a result of her insecurities and they needed to be addressed even though it was something she didn't want to get into.

"It's just that it's _not_ too much. I'm _too _comfortable," she explained. "It feels like... it's not _enough _if anything," she admitted, her cheeks flushing deeper now. "I want you so much, Jasper," she whispered, trailing her free hand down his chest and following it with her eyes. "But... I know that you can't act with me the way you want to. Like… you did with…"

She trailed off there, not wanting to even say the name. While she knew that Jasper desired her from his words, actions, and body language, there had still been a difference in the way he reacted with her in opposition to what she saw of him with Maria. He hasn't hesitated with her at all. She had been able to touch him in ways that Bella wanted to so _badly _and in the same respect, Jasper had been able to touch her in ways that would have broken Bella's bones in the blink of an eye. To her though, if she were to be hurt, she would rather it be at Jasper's hand in a fit of passion as opposed to any other way.

"I don't know why you would want to be with someone you have to be so careful with," she said, frowning as she traced her fingers back up his chest. "You literally could have anyone."

* * *

Jasper was stroking her hair and back as she spoke. Her concerns were understandable, but, he wished she didn't have them. They were unnecessary. He was still holding her hand, and wanting very much to be closer to her. He wished he could take away all of her worries, and just allow her to be happy as much as possible.

When she trailed off, Jasper knew she was talking about his interaction with Maria. Truthfully, if he could've taken it back, he would have before Bella could even blink. But there was no way to do that, and so all they could do was move forward.

"Bella, have you even noticed what your touch does to me? You need to give yourself more credit. I want you, I want to be with you always. And when I touch you? I am touching you the way I want to."

He watched as her fingers started to trail patterns up his chest. It made him shiver slightly, and his need for her started to surface again. "You're being sweet," he said, in reference to her statement about him being able to have anyone he wanted. "But I'm afraid that's untrue. I'm not at all attractive in what would be considered the eyes of a vampire. But beyond that, I only want you. I love you, and I think you're beautiful, Bella."

Jasper let his hand start to trail up and down her side again. He wanted to keep touching her until hopefully one day she realized that he absolutely loved to do so. He leaned in and kissed her cheek.

"I only want you," he repeated in a whisper in her ear. "And I _do_ want you..."

The desire that hung on his every word indicated that now, there was no way they were going to be able to get out of that hot tub without crossing over into territory previously unexplored.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Little bit of a cliff hanger at the end of this one :) Look out for the next chapter to be up soon to see what happens next in the hot tub! Please, as always, let us know what you thought of this one! Cheers!**  
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**Lyrics: Siouxie and the Banshees - Face to Face.  
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	21. Chapter 21

_You look so fragile I could break_  
_ But I try to hold myself_  
_ Together for the both of us_  
_ But in truth I'm just as scared_  
_ I just wanna watch you sleep_  
_ As you lie here beside me_  
_ So close your eyes I'll guard the door_  
_ And when you wake you'll wake with me ;;_

**(CHAPTER RATED M)**

* * *

Jasper always had a way of making things seem easier than they were. When he spoke her fears aloud, they sounded silly to Bella's ears. But when she was the one who was admitting to them, they seemed genuine and reasons for true concerns. The brunette couldn't think of an explanation for this save for one: Maybe things _were _this easy.

Maybe it was possible to just believe what Jasper was saying and let that belief eliminate any concerns that lingered within her. He stated that he touched her in the manner he wished to. One thing Bella hadn't initially considered was the fact that maybe he touched her differently than he had with Maria because, very simply, she was _different _from Maria. Of course after their talk, she understood that he had reasons for his desperate actions while he was on a course to find something to feel.

But even still, what if he meant what he said?

It really did not have anything to do with the fact that Bella didn't trust him. On the contrary, she trusted Jasper with her life. More importantly though, she trusted him with her heart. It was just that she couldn't grasp how she had gotten so lucky to have him. It might have been true that he wanted her, but it had also been true about what she said; Jasper could have had _anyone_ he wanted. Bella fully believed that, even though he had a lack of confidence as a result of housing so many battle scars. He was such a beautiful person that only someone heartless like the cruel Spanish vixen who created him could see flaws in him. In Bella's eyes, there were none. Could she blame him for thinking lowly of himself? Not if she didn't want to be called a hypocrite. For his sake, she avoided wincing and shaking her head when he referred to her as being beautiful, but on the inside, she still had trouble believing such a thing. That would take time and was something that she would have to decide to do on her own.

She turned her face to nuzzle against his cheek after his cool breath tickled her ear. Her lips brushed against his jawline as they journeyed to his own. "I love you." The hand she was holding brought his fingers to rest against her chest where her heart beat beneath. She held her hand against his and lifted her eyes to meet his gaze.

"Do you feel it?" she asked in a whisper. Bella wasn't so much talking about her actual heartbeat as she was talking about the emotions that were driving it to pump. Her other hand, the one that had been trailing his chest, stopped in the middle where his own heart would have been underneath. "I can," she whispered.

For a few moments more, she held her hands there and kept her eyes locked on his. There was something darker in hers as her heart swelled with longing beneath his fingers. Bella was only able to hold the look another second before she leaned in to close the gap between them to kiss him.

* * *

Bella was right in that there were differences in the way he touched her and how he'd touched Maria. There really was nothing similar in how he acted around the two of them. With Maria, there was no love behind his touch. There might have been once, a long time ago, but that time had long since passed. And even then, Jasper was not sure that he ever _truly _loved Maria, he just thought he did, or tried to. What Bella had seen did not represent an act of love. It had been desperation and a last plea to escape his misery. That didn't make it right and didn't excuse his actions, but they'd talked through that and he hoped it would be something they could put behind them through their healing process.

When Jasper touched Bella, there was nothing _but_ love to guide him. Certainly there was desire, but that was part of his love for her. Every caress, every kiss, every embrace, all were fueled by love. He may have had to be more gentle with her, but the fact remained that he loved her so much that he _did_ take the extra care to make sure he didn't hurt her. If he held her in the same regard as Maria, then he most likely would have neglected the intensity of his strength and likely bruised her at the very least.

Jasper never wanted her to compare herself to Maria, or even to Alice. It was no secret that he and Alice had shared a very strong connection and deep love. Jasper would never try to downplay that, or recall it as anything but what it was. To call it anything less would be a lie. But Bella wasn't Alice, and she wasn't in his life to take her place. Bella had her _own _place in his heart that he treasured and loved very deeply. Bella was who he wanted to spend all his time with, who he wanted to love endlessly and give all of himself to. That was what he was trying to do, and what he would continue to do for as long as she would let him.

He closed his eyes as she nuzzled him and brushed her lips against his jawline. Jasper let her take his hand and reopened his eyes as she placed it over her chest, then placed her own on his. He listened to her words, unsure of himself. It'd been a long time since he'd been able to feel emotions as he once did. He was able to feel bits and pieces here and there, but the numbness was still present. Now though, as he stayed close to her and kept his hand over her beating heart, he _could_. It felt as if her own hand was crushing the wall around his heart as it lay against his chest. It didn't come down all the way, but it was enough for him to feel in this moment.

They were kissing again before he could verbally answer, but he hoped his kiss said enough, as well as the rest of his actions. He pulled her back into his lap, and secured his free hand on her hip. Jasper her deeply, kneading his lips against hers and lightly tracing the thumb of his other hand around the curve of her left breast.

* * *

It amazed her how it seemed like nothing had happened, like there had been no glitch to interrupt the way they were being so intimate with one another. It was just another way in which Jasper seemed to make everything so much easier than Bella thought it could be. His response to her question didn't need to be audible or spoken aloud. She could tell that he was beginning to feel something. It was true that she could have just been getting confused considering how strongly her _own _feelings were for him in these moments. But when it all came down to it, how much mattered in terms of the amounts between them? If there was feeling there at all, regardless of who was housing it, that was more than enough. But even still, Bella was sure that she wasn't the only one who felt a pull at her heart the closer they got to one another.

When he pulled her into his lap, she easily molded her body to his. One of her hands gripped the bottom of her water-logged dress and hiked it around her waist beneath the water so she could straddle his thighs once more effectively. It was right where they'd left off before her actions had become bold enough that they spawned a disconnect between them and a wave of insecurities on her part. Even though she trusted him and listened to when he'd assured her that he wanted her – exactly as she was, no matter how 'fragile' she might have been – it was different when she could actually experience it through his actions.

Bella was torn on whether or not she liked the way the water toyed with the temperature of Jasper's skin. On one hand, it was as she had commented earlier – they felt the same. As she moved her hands along his chest, she took great care in appreciating this. She let her fingers trace over the muscles that centered in his abdomen, tracing idle patterns as she explored the smooth expanse of skin. On the other hand, the warm water took away from the prominence of the chill of his own fingers. She could still feel that they were colder, of course, but Bella learned that she _liked _the chill of them. She knew Jasper would have disagreed as she remembered what he said once about wishing he could feel warm to her. But Bella loved the way the cold allowed her to be fully aware of where his fingers were on her body. Especially when he touched more intimate areas as he did when he thumb grazed her breast, she reacted in a way that was stronger than she would have perhaps if his hands were warm. Of course, his touch still would have felt just as good and would have elicited a positive response either way to be certain. But the added spice of his fingers being cold caused shivers up her spine, despite being encased in the hot water.

One of her hands moved to cup his cheek as they continued to kiss, sliding back to move into his hair and pulling his lips closer to her. But the other remained where it was, left to explore his torso. She traced it up his chest then let it run back down his side, squeezing his hip right above his pajama bottoms where his skin met the fabric. For a moment, she was content in letting her fingers marvel at the way the cool marble changed into clingy, wet cotton. At one point when he moved his mouth against hers, she expelled a sigh against his lips and twisted her fingers around the garment at the waistband.

* * *

Jasper had realized in these intimate moments that it didn't matter if his power had gone dormant. He could still feel what Bella was feeling as anyone could in this sort of situation. He did not need supernatural abilities to know whether he was making her feel good or not. He actually found it much more satisfying that he was able to please her without relying on his ability so much. Somehow, it just felt more genuine that way. He did miss the connection he felt with her by being able to feel her moods and emotions directly, but he knew he'd recover his ability again. The wall around his heart was stripping down, one stone at a time.

Her body felt like fire beneath his hand, as her usual body heat had ignited from the water temperature. Jasper also hoped her warmth was due to what he was doing to her. He wanted so badly to be touching her skin, and not fabric. He knew it was nothing for him to tear her dress down the middle, but he also didn't want to scare her, so he used the zipper in the back. It didn't take long for him to navigate it down, even in the water. Once it was unzipped, he pushed the straps down over her shoulders. Before it could go much further, he broke their kiss and trailed a line of them down the side of her neck, to her collar bone. He lightly massaged her breast with his hand, as his lips moved to the opposite side.

He pushed the top of the dress down further, revealing her bra. He looked up at Bella, wanting to make sure he hadn't upset her somehow. He couldn't sense any, so he wasn't certain, but it seemed that she wasn't uncomfortable at all. Jasper moved his hand along her bare thigh just as he'd done before, all the while kissing along her upper body. He was intoxicated with her, wanting her and needing her so badly. He let his hand stray up, trailing his fingers along the waistband of her panties. Jasper's own breathing had spend up, fueled by the anticipation he felt as Bella twisted her fingers around his pants. He was painfully aroused by this point, and it probably should have been very obvious to her.

"Are you okay?" he asked, wanting to make sure she wasn't feeling pressured into this and that she would be loved no matter what. She was his main concern and her happiness and well-being meant everything to him. If Bella wasn't ready for him to be touching her like this, then he wouldn't. It was as simple as that.

But he hoped she did. God, he hoped she did.

* * *

Was she okay?

Bella could have actually laughed at the question. She was more than okay. She felt _wonderful_. That feeling was only strengthened by the fact that he asked. Surely, he had to have some idea of the positive reaction he was having on her by the simple way her body eagerly pushed against his own. But Jasper still took the time to make sure that she was all right. That touched her heart and his consideration would not go unappreciated.

"Yes," she uttered quietly.

Bella was still reveling in the way everything felt. New touches were being introduced. Braver, more strategically placed touches. Her skin burned where his lips brushed against her neck and her collarbone. It was a strange thing considering the facts. His mouth was cold and when it moved against her newly exposed skin, it left a chilled trail in its wake. That should have left her having goosebumps if anything, but instead, it felt like Jasper's lips were open flames that were being drawn across her skin. It was a delicious sort of burn, though, and one that Bella didn't want to extinguish even if she couldn't fully explain it. Her back arched when his hand moved over her breast, pressing herself against his palm. She quickly learned that she liked the way his skin felt when it was against hers and with her dress pushed lower, Bella was getting a better taste of such a delight. The fabric from the garment was bunching, however and the ways the straps were hooked around her elbows now made it more difficult to move quite so freely. That certainly wouldn't do.

Regretfully pulling back from him slightly, Bella moved her hands to the bottom of the dress. Wriggling a bit – which, nearly caused her to be distracted enough to forget about the dress all together for the way it created friction with Jasper's pelvis – she pulled the garment over her head and tossed it over the side of the hot tub. It weighed about three times what it normally did, soaked through completely from the water and thus, when Bella was free from it she felt immensely more comfortable.

This was the most exposed she'd ever been in front of Jasper. It was slightly nerve-wracking. Or rather, it _would _have been nerve-wracking if she were paying attention to that fact as opposed to the one that caused her to realize the difference in skin to skin contact she had with him sans dress. She wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him closer to her and for a moment, Bella did nothing except to relish the way Jasper's chest felt pressed against hers, torso to torso. A moment was all she could spare though since she was aware of his hands and thus, she was beginning to feel anxious.

It was increasingly difficult for Bella to keep her hips still. She could feel how aroused Jasper was, especially with her dress completely missing now, and thus she could not seem to keep her lower half from rubbing against his. And like keeping her hips in one place, it was getting much harder to breathe as well. Her breaths were shorter, coming and going in warm puffs near his ear as her fingers thread through his hair. She used them there to help angle his face upward slightly so she could kiss him, rising up slightly on her knees as her hands moved around to hold his face. When Bella was confident that Jasper would not stray too far from the kiss, she let her hands run back down his sides and settle by his hips.

* * *

When the dress came off, Jasper could not help but look at her. He'd never seen this much of her before; he'd only just barely let his hands tread in that territory beneath fabric up until now. He thought Bella was so beautiful, and upon seeing even more of her, he knew he was right. He wanted to tell her, but he knew how she had a difficult time receiving compliments and he did not want to make her self-conscious right now. So he would show her with his actions instead. Jasper ran his hands all over her, tracing every curve and caressing her skin with is fingertips.

Everywhere she touched felt like she was drawing fire with her fingers. Even in this moment of passion, her fingertips felt so soft against his skin. Jasper could not help but sigh against her lips as they kissed. As Bella's hips rolled against his, he gasped and clutched her against him which only made the sensation stronger. They were at the point of no return. If she wanted to stop, this was where he needed her to tell him that. Her confirmation that she wasn't uncomfortable was something he needed before he could continue, and when she gave it to him he was very, very relieved. Not only because he knew now he could proceed to hopefully bring her even more pleasure, but also because he _wanted _her to feel good and it made him happy that she was so comfortable with his touch.

Jasper kissed her deeply, savoring what he could taste of her mouth. The hand that wasn't teasing just beneath her panties was tracing the curve of her spine before that arm locked around the small of her back to keep her braced upward as she was. He broke the kiss, only to trail his lips up along her delicate jaw. When he reached her ear, Jasper kissed along the shell of it before whispering, "I love you."

As he did, his hand dipped down between her legs beneath the undergarment and he brushed his index finger along her entrance. Any heat he'd felt before could not compare to what he felt now. Jasper moaned softly against her ear and gently sought out that sensitive bundle of nerves that he knew would bring her pleasure and work her up to allow him to proceed further.

* * *

Jasper's touches were gentle. But the way that he touched her when she was free of the dress didn't make her think it was on account of the fact that she was so fragile; that wasn't the reason his fingers moved in such a careful way. Instead, to Bella, it felt like he was just appreciating her as she was. It had nothing to do with the fact that he _had _to be somewhat cautious, but rather, in the way he made it seem, it was as if he were cherishing something simply because he was fond of it.

That was something that made Bella happy. She was still convinced that he would have no idea of just how in awe she was that he was allowing all of this intimacy. Everything she had known in the past was about boundaries and caution, ending things before she could even fully grasp them and give them a full appreciation. It, of course, had been a frustrating element, but it was one that she endured for the sake of love.

She would have done the very same for Jasper. If he didn't want to risk injury for the sake of intimacy, Bella would have respected that. But she was grateful that such was not the case. She could tell him a hundred times that she loved him. She could do a thousand other things in an effort to show him just how much. But this was a different, physical way of doing so. It meant a lot to her that she was able to experience these things with him, especially since most of them were for the very first time. There was no time to think about insecurities, though it was still a wonder how she wasn't feeling any at the moment. It was just another testament to how much of an effect he had on her – a dizzying one that made it quite difficult to dwell in the negative.

Bella was feeling anything _but _negativity when Jasper whispered he loved her. His breath sent a shiver up her spine in the way it tickled her ear. But then again, that could have had more to do with the preoccupation of his fingers. When they dipped beneath her underwear, her lower body tensed and she jumped initially. It wasn't because anything was wrong, but rather, because it tickled. Because she hadn't expected that sort of effect, it caused the tension. But it also caused a giggle to be pulled from her lips, one that was quite shy.

"You found another ticklish spot," she whispered to explain, not wanting him to think that she didn't like what he was doing.

If that hadn't been obvious enough, it was not even a question when his fingers moved against her. Bella sucked in a gasp when he touched her, soon to be followed by a moan that matched his own. The way the sound vibrated against her ear was enough to send a shock though her alone, but paired with the sensation of his finger against that little sensitive spot, Bella felt the breath leave her body completely.

Her eyes closed and she let her body react naturally. Her hips moved against his hand and her hands own clutched Jasper's sides. Each time she moved, it seemed like a sound of some kind was emitted from her lips, but she occupied them with kissing him. Bella wanted to make him well aware of how much she was enjoying what he was doing and the passion that read through the liplock was a strong indicator.

* * *

Jasper had been anticipating an initial reaction somewhat like the one he received from his advances. He understood the female form very well, and its sensitivities. Though no two women were exactly the same, he knew she'd perk in some way, and she had. It was just a relief to see that it was in a positive way. He smiled as Bella giggled and could see her flushed cheeks as she smiled shyly at him. It was very endearing, really, and he was quite honored to be the first to touch her in such a way. He hadn't been positive that he was, but now he was fairly certain Edward had never crossed this bridge with Bella.

He nuzzled her cheek after she told him he'd found a ticklish spot, then watched her through half-lidded eyes as she let her body take over her reactions to his movement. Jasper stroked the pad of his finger in a slow, circular motion, increasing the pressure of his touch. He readjusted the arm that had been around her so that hand could splay over her back. He let the fingertips of that hand lightly stroke her skin and curl around her wet hair. As their lips met in a deep, passionate kiss, he readjusted the hand that was pleasuring her, sliding his index finger inside of her. Jasper moaned softly against her lips and could not help but move his hips against her thigh.

His concern right now was only about her pleasure, but that last action had been instinctual. He wanted to make love to her, but he knew that was something that they had to move slowly towards. It would be best for them to progress to that, and beyond that, Jasper did not want to engage in that act until all the stones had fallen away from his heart. He was so close to that point, which was why he was indulging in the desire he was able to feel now. He started to move his finger inside of her, curling it each time he was about to withdraw it.

* * *

The sensations Bella was feeling were unlike any that she had experienced before. It was dizzying that she housed similar feelings before while she was in the presence of Jasper, and yet this was different. It was physical. The setting of the hot tub made her feel weightless in the water and thus, it was easier to move. She wasn't going very far, nor did she have a desire to, but in the close proximity that she created with him, she was enjoying the way it felt to experimentally move her body against his.

It was even more encouraging when he slipped his finger inside of her. Bella could feel her muscles clench again, but it was sort of as if she were welcoming him. And she was. The way he was pleasuring her was indescribable. Her back arched, each time it did causing her breasts to press against his chest. Despite that they were still encased in the thin fabric of her bra, there was no lacking as far as the sensitivity of how good it felt to be pressed against his skin was concerned. The hands that had been near his middle moved to Jasper's hair, fingers threading through the curly locks as they kissed.

As much as she loved kissing him and was content in doing so for hours upon hours, Bella was learning it was difficult to maintain a proper liplock when his ministrations were causing her to gasp for breath every few seconds. It didn't help when he would moan against her mouth which immediately sent a rush of blood to her nether regions. The same thing occurred when he pushed his hips against her thigh, an action that caused a groan from her lips as well. She was forced to pull away from Jasper's mouth in order to try and breathe properly, but it was still difficult even then.

Though Bella liked how it felt when he would rock against her hips, it wasn't enough. As her lips pressed to the side of his neck in lazy, open-mouth kisses that allowed her to catch her breath, one of her hands slipped from his hair to move down his side. It drifted between his legs and her palm came to rest on the bulge in his pajama bottoms. She couldn't help but to groan again as she started to stroke him through the wet fabric.

"Jasper…" she whispered against his skin.

* * *

Jasper had certainly not expected anything like this to happen between them that day. It was no secret between them that they were heading down this path, as their kisses had gradually become more fiery, their embraces more passionate, their caresses more sensual, even the way they positioned themselves on the couch or in bed, all spoke volumes of their eventual intentions. Still, he had not permitted himself to presume anything about it. He wasn't sure how he'd imagined such an intimate exchange to play out.

Ideally he would have taken her to bed, allowing her to get comfortable before he touched her in such a way. But this, just like their first confession of love to each other, was perfect in that it _wasn't_ planned. They'd been playing, having fun and just _enjoying _each other before things shifted in this direction. It couldn't have been more perfect for him.

The way Jasper was holding her, it would allow Bella to move as her body desired and at the same time kept her balanced in his lap. With his hand and arm bracing her arched back, it also would be a constant reminder that he had her, that she was safe and secure, that he was there with her. He continued to move his finger within her, pausing only to add a second. He worked his fingers inside of her, feeling her inner muscles squeeze around them. Imagining how that would have felt around another part of his body sent a jolt of pleasure down to his already hardened length. Jasper groaned against her hair, pressing his palm against the sensitive nub he'd been stroking before and rubbing against it.

He'd been so focused on her pleasure, that Jasper had not noticed Bella's hand sliding down until he felt heat pressing against his arousal. It caused him to hold onto her a little tighter and a sharp gasp to escape his lips. He'd never felt anything like that before. When she started stroking him, Jasper groaned again and couldn't help but move his hips against her hand. He didn't want her to feel she had to be returning the pleasure to him right now (or ever, for that matter); he just wanted her to focus on her own.

But he wouldn't deny that it felt amazing. The friction his pajamas were causing along with the heat of her hand caused a knot to start tying in his stomach. His name falling off her lips was just another thing to drive him on. Jasper moved his hand a bit faster against her, applying pressure with his palm. He wanted to hear more of her sounds, to watch her reach the brink of ecstasy and give in to her pleasure.

"Bella.." he murmured, nuzzling her hair.

* * *

Bella would never feel like he was putting pressure on her to do something that she didn't want to do. Quite simply, the fact of the matter was that she _wanted_ to do all of these. She _wanted, _ more than anything else, actually, for Jasper to feel good and to be the one that was enabling that for him.

But this was where her insecurities started to play in and register with her. Because she had never done this before, she worried that she was doing it _wrong_. If all she wanted to do was please him, it made her worry that she had no previous experience with things of such a sexual nature and thus, was not confident in the way she reacted to him. It didn't help matters that Jasper was no stranger to sexual encounters and Bella fully was aware of the fact (even though they had never discussed their sexual pasts aloud) that he had a great deal of wisdom under his belt considering his previous relationships. If anything, _that _was what put pressure on her – the need to want to be able to live up to what he'd known in the past. Especially since Bella was enjoying herself so much because of everything _he_ was doing to_ her._

She soon learned, though, that she could find encouragement in the way he pressed his hips against her hand upon feeling her touch. She also learned that, as much as she liked the way he was touching _her_, she liked touching _him _just as much. It was exciting for her to feel the way Jasper's body reacted just from the brush of her fingers. His positive response was enough to cause her to be braver with her actions and the hand that had been stroking him above his pajama pants slipped inside the waistband of them to have direct contact with his arousal. The sensation of the newly found skin caused her to groan. Experimentally, she stroked him, exploring the territory. But it was a lot more haphazard than perhaps she would have done if he wasn't working his fingers within her. With the addition of the second one, it was much harder to combat the dizziness she felt. As much as she wanted to concentrate on making him feel good and doing a satisfactory job of pleasing him with the way she was touching him, it was not to the best of her ability for certain.

That didn't matter, however. Just the feel of him beneath her palm was enough to intensify her own pleasure. When his fingers hit a particularly sensitive spot, Bella gasped, instinctively pushing against his hand. Her own squeezed his length between her fingers, perhaps a bit tighter than she realized. But Bella couldn't focus on much else when the pressure of his hand and the way he worked her brought her to a point where her entire body seemed like it was on fire.

She closed her eyes tightly, unable to keep from crying out when she was overtaken with ecstasy. Her body trembled against his and as her climax played out, Bella leaned her head against his shoulder, failing to even keep her eyes open to look at him for how consumed with pleasure she was. Her groans quieted after a minute, melting into his name on her lips that she pressed to his skin.

* * *

He still could not rely on his powers, and thus Jasper had to use his instincts to tell what was pleasing her, and how she was feeling throughout this exchange. The sounds she was making were a good indication that he was doing something right, as were the movements and reactions of her body. Yes, it was true that Jasper had quite a bit of experience in this area; though he'd only been intimate with two women prior to Bella, both relationships had been long-lasting (abusive or not). However, Jasper had learned a long time ago that no two women were alike. What pleased one might not please another. Different areas on the body were especially sensitive. Therefore, he could not base specific actions on his experience.

Bella was an especially new experience for him. It was almost like his first time all over again (only much more intimate, and much more meaningful). He had never had such an exchange with a human. Up until this point, he wasn't even sure he'd be able to be so close to her. All the changes in blood flow, the increase of her heart rate, and the rise in heat of her body temperature were all things that concerned him. He feared how he would be able to handle it, but because this had all happened so fast without any prior planning, he put himself into the situation without realizing it. Once it happened, he had no choice but to control himself; he would never, ever allow himself to hurt her. He just feared that if he let go, and gave in to his desires, that he'd be unable to rein himself back in.

There was no turning back now, though. They were far beyond that point.

When Bella reached her climax, Jasper stopped breathing. Not only because of his fear that he'd lose his control in the rush of the moment, but also because the sight was absolutely breath-taking. He watched as her eyes shut tightly and her body was racked with trembles. He knew she'd reached her peak and he did not stop with his hand motion. He wanted to make sure she rode out each wave of pleasure as it washed over her. Jasper himself had been taken with how she'd wrapped her fingers around his length, but focused more on her for now. He'd never forget that sight, not for all eternity.

He wanted Bella to touch him, to bring him to that point too. He would've been crazy not to want that, especially with how incredible it felt to have the heat of her hand rubbing against his arousal. But Jasper was afraid, even now after he'd been able to control himself throughout the duration of her climax. He was afraid he'd clutch her too tightly, or worse, bite her because he couldn't control himself through his. Still, he couldn't bring himself to draw her hand away. He wanted - _needed_ her - too much by now. Instead, he slowly withdrew his own hand to join the other around her back. He held her against him as she laid her hand against his shoulder and kissed her hair.

"I love you," he whispered softly against the soft, damp strands.

* * *

For a minute or so, Bella couldn't move. At least, not voluntarily. Her body was still trembling quietly as an after effect of her climax, but aside from that, she couldn't seem to lift her limbs. For that minute, she felt deliciously lethargic, comfortable in just resting against him. Jasper's word drifted to her ears and were the sweetest sound amidst the murmurs of her heartbeat slowing down and her breathing coming back down to some calmer semblance of order.

"I love you too," she whispered, kissing his shoulder. Her lips trailed across his collarbone to his neck in a lazy pattern, focusing her attention there for a moment before she kissed them upward to his lips. "So _much_," said added against them.

Bella was slightly in awe of the effect he had on her in every possible way, the physical aspect being the newest one. The way she loved him only intensified. It didn't seem possible, but it was a truth nonetheless.

She kissed him then, slowly at first, but then progressing to something more passion-driven once she regained a bit of her strength and her mind didn't seem so hazy anymore. In the midst of it, the rest of her body started to move. Most notably, the hand that had momentarily stilled on his arousal started to stroke him again. This time, Bella wasn't so distracted and therefore, could focus her full attention to what she was doing. She couldn't get over the way he felt beneath her fingers. Smooth, hard, just like the rest of him, but somehow… different. It came with the exiting new territory and the fact that by touching him so intimately, Bella knew she could bring him pleasure. That was enough to put some of her insecurities to a rest.

Still though, her motions were slow. Her fingertips trailed the length of his erection from base to tip and then dipped back down. In the water, her fingers were feather-light and she didn't put any pressure to them until a short while later. Shifting her body, Bella moved backwards on his lap a bit in order to put some space between them for her to have better access to Jasper's lower region. Slowly, her fingers wrapped around his arousal, and she stroked him fully with her palm. It didn't take her long before she found some sort of steady rhythm in doing so. Despite feeling slightly more confident, she lifted her eyes to meet his.

"Is this okay?" she whispered, not wanting to do anything he was either uncomfortable with or that he didn't enjoy.

* * *

Jasper smiled as she whispered her words of love for him and closed his eyes. The touch of her lips to his shoulder, trailing to his collarbone, sent chills down his spine. They were warm chills, heating up his otherwise cold interior. He would have tilted his head back, but her lips found his first. She kissed him and he eagerly kissed her back. He was pleasantly surprised at how quickly she recovered from her climax; Bella must have had more stamina than he realized. That was something he'd play around with later. Right now, he just wanted to kiss her, so he did. Jasper kissed her deeply, stroking her back and curling his fingers in her hair.

Though she'd momentarily paused in her hand motion, Jasper had been very aware of its presence against his erection. The constant heat and pressure had been a very nice reminder. When she started to move her hand again, he very nearly bit his lip. He had to refrain, not wanting to scar himself there. It was unlike any pleasure he'd ever felt before. Jasper was careful not to clutch onto her too tightly, as he did not want to bruise her or pull her hair. The added heat and rush of water around them just added to the sensations he was feeling. He squeezed his eyes shut and gasped, moving his hips against her hand to create more friction against his arousal.

Her question almost made him laugh. He did smile between his gasps for air, though. Was it okay? It was more than okay. His eyes opened to meet her gaze. "Y-Yes, Bella," he whispered, then buried his face in her hair and moaned softly. He locked his hands at the small of her back and moved his hips in time with the rhythm she'd started.

"So.. good.."

After murmuring those words, his speech mostly left him. All he could do was let his body react to her touch in movements, gasps, and clutching onto her. This would be the strongest test of his control yet. He was allowing Bella to take him into a state of complete vulnerability and lack of control over his body. He didn't know what would happen, but it was rapidly approaching and all he could do was hope his love was strong enough to see him through it without any disastrous results. It might have been a little selfish of him; he really should have just brought this to a close before they reached this point and kept her out of danger. But it was such an important step, and they'd gotten there before he even realized it.

A few more moments of the constant pressure and friction against his erection and Jasper felt the knot in his stomach tighten to the point where he was nearly bucking his hips against her hand. When he finally did reach his peak, he forced his head back away from her, keeping his teeth out of range of her neck. He groaned as his release spilled and his climax washed over his body, riding it out until he finally let his forehead come to rest against Bella's shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her to embrace her fully, while his body trembled against her.

* * *

Bella felt that this was just as much of a pleasurable experience for her as it was for Jasper. She couldn't take her eyes away from his face. Every twitch of his lips, every flutter of his eyelids was something that she committed to memory. He looked, in a word, beautiful. He was so unguarded, so free of any other hindering thoughts. It was how Bella saw him react so often when the two of them were together, but the side of him that she also knew many people aside from his family saw. Away from the stoicism, away from the always proper façade. He was just Jasper.

When he confirmed that what she was doing was all right, the way his voice sounded was enough to make Bella feel dizzy all over again. He was so _intoxicating_. She really didn't think he would ever fully know the effect he had on her when he was doing something as simply as answering a question. It was easier when his hips started moving with her hand. It allowed her to get a better handle on the way she was pumping him and it gave her a surge of confidence to continue in the same manner, especially when Jasper would make a sound to accompany his motions. When his hips started moving more erratically, her fingers tightened around him slightly and her other came to hold onto one of his hips until he finished.

Her fingers gently stroked him as he started to come down from his climax and when his body settled enough to wrap his arms around her, Bella brought both of her arms around his neck, one hand gently rubbing the nape of it to soothe him from his trembling. For a little while, she didn't say anything. She was still trying to get her head around what had just happened. Less than an hour before, the two of them were running around the cabin as if they were kids and now they just got through sharing something incredibly intimate. It was strange how things could so easily move in a different direction.

Pulling him closer, Bella hugged him to herself, nuzzling her face against his neck and closing her eyes to breathe in his scent. The water didn't seem to have diluted it at all and it was just as powerful as ever to act as a comfort to her.

"How do you feel?" she asked quietly, kissing the spot just below his ear.

How he felt was important to her since she knew Jasper had been struggling with it since everything negative that had unfolded not that long ago in terms of Maria and Jacob. All she wanted was for him to feel like himself again and a huge factor in doing so was to break through whatever was keeping him from feeling anything.

* * *

Jasper had never really felt like this before. It was unlike any other intimate moment he'd ever experienced in his life. That was because he'd never been intimate like this with Bella before, but he did hope they'd be able to do it again. After the initial intense rush that his climax had given him, Jasper had come back down to earth as he laid his head against her shoulder. He still felt dizzy, but very warm all over. It was very different; he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt _warm_, or if he even could recall what being warm was really like until now. He was savoring it as much as he could, cuddling up to her even though she was the one in his lap.

When he'd lost his ability to feel, it had left a seriously detrimental effect on Jasper. For him to suddenly be unable to rely on his primary ability to function, it was very difficult for him to do much of anything at all. Once he'd reunited with Bella, it got better. He was able to feel bits and pieces of emotions here and there, enough for him to get through the day somewhat normally. Gradually he felt more and more, but there was still a barrier around his heart that prevented him from feeling what she was feeling, from being able to feel her happiness, her sadness, her love. That had been the most difficult part of all. All he wanted was to love her and feel her love for him. The only good thing about it all was that since he wasn't able to do so in his usual way, he had been able to tap into other outlets. It had also caused his trust in her to strengthen even more.

As he embraced her, he could feel and hear her heart beating in her chest. He knew the sound well, and it no longer haunted him the way it did in the past. Jasper was so relieved he had not harmed her, had not _killed _her during this moment together. The sound of her heart was proof of that. The sound was beautiful, like music. It sounded like it was calling out to his own, in a way. His heart had long since stilled, but the stone around it had begun chipping away as if to answer her heart's call. Jasper could almost physically feel as the last of the barrier slipped away. The emotions he felt as a result were like a whole other rush of feelings flooding through him. He could feel everything, and subconsciously held her closer in the process.

"Feel for yourself," he whispered.

As he held her in his arms, he lifted his head and smiled at her, then kissed her softly. While his lips were pressed to hers, he allowed her to feel everything that he was feeling. She'd be able to feel his love, his relief, his happiness, and even a bit of the afterglow he still had over him after the intimacy.

"I love you so much," he murmured against her lips, then kissed her deeply again.

* * *

**Author's Note:** We hope you liked this chapter! Bella and Jasper are definitely getting closer! And now, after everything that happened, he's able to feel again. The next chapter is a lot of fun and it shows a much lighter side to their relationship when Bella and Jasper visit a carnival! Please remember to review and follow the story! The more reviews we get, the sooner we post our chapters :D Cheers!

**Lyrics: **In My Arms - Snow Patrol


	22. Chapter 22

_Tonight I watched the lights go out in your house,_  
_Wondering how I could get so deep and you could still get sleep._  
_In vain I blame my trembling on the cold air_  
_But I can't hide that I've relied on you like yellow does on blue_  
_You're my good feeling ;;_

"Come _on_!" Bella said with an exaggerated sigh as she pulled on Jasper's hand. She was feigning annoyance like a four year old impatient child, but it was obvious from the smile on her face that she was just having fun with him.

"I know you're old and all, but you can't blame that for your glacial pace considering you have super speed too," she teased as she tugged Jasper's hand again toward the fairground.

When they had gone into town earlier that day to get some more things for her to eat, Bella couldn't contain her excitement to see that they were having a summer fair. She literally tripped over her own two feet with her eagerness to read about the details on one of the many fliers that was posted around the fishing town. Luckily, Jasper had been there to catch her before she could do any damage to herself, but if she wasn't careful, the same thing was liable to happen again with her eagerness to get inside.

It was so different from their spot. Obviously. While their place was abandoned and old, broken and worn from years of being ignored, this one was the exact opposite. Everything was lit up with bright multi-colored lights and exaggerated decorations. It was loud and crowded, the complete different picture of how their fairgrounds always were, where the count had always just been two in number and the tones of the occupants were hardly ever even above whispers. The booths were filled with prizes and contained all sorts of different activities from gun shooting to balloon popping to goldfish bowls. The air was punctuated by a hundred different scents of carnival food, the most prominent being that of cotton candy and funnel cakes. It was what she imagined their spot must have been for Forks years and years ago. This fair seemed to be the life of the summer nights in the tiny town they were visiting now on the outskirts.

Bella could not have been happier. Two days before when they'd spent time in the hot tub, she felt weightless. Ever since, that same feeling lingered. Jasper could feel again. His emotions were _everywhere_, surrounding her in a constant bubble of love and happiness. They mixed with her own feelings which were only those in similar positive regard and the two of them had been taking advantage of it ever since. Bella could even swear that one night, she could hear his heartbeat as she lay against his chest while she was drifting off to sleep. It was an impossibility to be sure, but she could feel so much affection radiating off of him that it was easy to let her mind play tricks into believing that his heart was just as alive as was her own. After what they'd shared, she felt closer to him than she ever had. It was a first for Bella and while they hadn't gone so far as to actually make love, the intimacy of their actions made it feel as if there were a constant added warmth that she felt even since. It was ever-present when she pulled on his hand to lead him into the fair. Just before they walked in though, she paused, stood on her toes and kissed him sweetly, loosening the hold she had on his fingers. There was really no rush, after all.

"That was the last time I call you old," she said with a grin. "Promise."

* * *

Being able to feel again had been a bit overwhelming for Jasper initially. It was as if all the emotion he _should _have been feeling in the last few weeks had been waiting for him to regain his power so that they could surface. It was difficult for him to deal with at first, but after that first night, it was more like being reunited with an old friend. He became reacquainted with his power, and at this point he was able to process emotions just as he had before the separation between them. He felt much more like himself, and though he didn't particularly like himself very much, he knew that he would be better able to love Bella the way she deserved now. He could be the person she loved, for whatever reason that might have been.

He'd taken her into town that morning for groceries; he wasn't sure how much longer they were going to be staying at the cabin, but he didn't feel ready to approach the subject of returning to Forks yet. He knew it would be coming soon enough, or else Charlie might come looking for them with police dogs and a shot gun. He wasn't afraid of either, but it certainly would inconvenience things. However, today was not the day to talk about it, and so instead they went looking for more food for Bella to have in the house. Along the way, they'd seen workers finishing up preparations for the grand opening of the summer carnival in town. Bella had positively glowed when she saw it, and though he wasn't exactly crazy about the idea, he'd do anything to keep that smile on her face and make her happy. It was decided pretty much on the spot that they'd return later for the opening and see what the carnival had to offer.

Once they'd put away the groceries and changed into more appropriate attire for attending the event, they'd driven back into town and parked just outside of the carnival. It was all lit up, people were there with their families, and Jasper was nervous as hell. He never liked being around large groups of people. It made him anxious and it made him doubt himself. However, he was on a bit of an upswing with his confidence after his display of control with Bella in the hot tub. He'd manage to get through it, and right now, he was trying to enjoy himself so that _she _wouldn't feel anxious. It was fortunate that the carnival was filled with rancid smelling food. It deterred him from the scent of all the blood around him, and the loud music and squeals of children made the sounds of their rushing heartbeats drown out.

Jasper smirked at her and shrugged. "If you say so, but that's a long time to promise," he said. "I'm not sure you'll be able to resist."

* * *

Because Bella had missed being able to feel what Jasper was feeling so much, she made sure to cherish it when she was allowed to again. But this meant that she was very in tune with his emotions, including those that he might have been trying a bit harder to suppress such as his anxiety. She could feel it when they'd pulled up to the carnival and thus, she'd tried to joke with him in order to take his mind off of it. Of course, though, she would never want to stay somewhere that he didn't feel comfortable. That was a position that Bella didn't want to put Jasper in.

"I'll try," she said, giving his hand a squeeze. But before they could go any further, she wanted to address the issue. "Whenever you want to leave, we will, okay?" she assured him.

She was excited about the carnival, yes. But Bella honestly would have been just as happy to be anywhere else with him, including back at their cabin where he would probably feel the most at ease.

It was a nice evening. It was slightly on the cooler side for a summer night, but all that meant was that Bella had to dress a little bit warmer. That didn't deter some other people from dressing as if they were going to lay out on the beach however. She figured that because it was a fishing town, it probably didn't get quite as hot in the summer as someplace like Phoenix where she'd grown up. To her, _everything _in the north seemed cold. She still wasn't quite used to the usual temperature in Forks yet and she'd lived there for well over a year now. If anything, she preferred to get her cold fix by means of the boy whose hand she was holding now.

"Where should we go first?" she asked, looking up at him.

There were a hundred possibilities. Unlike their place, everything here was in working order from rides to games to everything in between. But something that was in common with the fairground they frequented was the fact that this one also has a carousel. Granted it looked quite different, but Bella was eager to take a ride on it. If anything, that was the one thing she wanted to do before they left. Of course if it was too much for Jasper, it wouldn't even be a question and she would be fine with that. But in comparison to the rest of the activities, that one stood above all the others for her, hands down.

"Your choice," she said. "I'm sure I owe you for something. Another bet you won," she said, pausing to grin. It seemed like every time they made a bet or had a contest of some sort, he was the victor. "So it's up to you, soldier. Whatever you want."

* * *

When Bella stopped to take a moment and address the concerns that had been on his mind since they decided to attend the fair, Jasper was touched. She didn't have to say anything at all, but she'd put his needs and her concern for his well-being over her own happiness and that meant a lot to him. He would always do the same for her, but to hear it from her was very kind of her to say. He did not want to hinder her fun, though. That was the last thing he wanted to do that day. He wanted her to enjoy herself. She deserved it after all she'd done for him to help him get his power back. Jasper lifted her hand up to his lips and kissed her knuckles. He just nodded to her, then lowered their hands back down between them and continued on into the fair.

The atmosphere was very light and upbeat. Jasper could feel predominantly happiness amongst the crowd. There was a considerable amount of excitement, and even some fear he drew from children who were anxious about going on the rides. It was a lot at once, but Jasper had been exposed to large groups before, like when he was in school. It wasn't quite the same, but enough so that he was able to adapt. There were several families, all having a good time with one another. It made Jasper slightly nostalgic for his family. Though it might have appeared that he was the outsider of the family, Jasper actually cared very deeply for the Cullens - save for Rosalie, now.

But he was with his Belle; nothing else mattered right now.

He started looking around at all the different booths. The games were probably all rigged and overpriced, but Jasper supposed that was just part of the carnival charm. It was all part of the experience. He eyed a game where the player shot at a target to win a prize. He'd have to make sure he won something for Bella at some point. "

My choice? Well, in that case I want to win you one of those stuffed animals. But I suppose we should get you some of that food first. I want to make sure you've gotten your fill of.. what are they.. funnel cakes? Cotton candy? One of those larger than life pretzels? Anything you want. Then I'll win you something. From what I can see, it's customary for the boyfriend to carry some large stuffed animal around." He smirked, liking the way it sounded to call himself her boyfriend.

Jasper kissed the top of her head as they moved towards a food stand and stood in line. He released her hand and slid his arm around her waist to hold her against his side.

"What are you going to get?" He asked, curiously. He couldn't eat any of it, obviously, but he was intrigued by the specialty foods you couldn't purchase anywhere else.

* * *

For someone who really didn't appreciate them much as a kid though she would attend them frequently, it certainly seemed like Bella's ideas about fairs changed with how excited she was on this evening. She would attribute it to the fact that she had a newfound respect for them since she and Jasper claimed the remains of one as their designated spot for just the two of them. She could see this, like so many other things, in a completely different light now that she was with Jasper.

This was also the first time Bella had ever attended one of these with a boy. When she was little, it was always her rambunctious, overzealous mother leading the way and calling all the shots. And if anyone had a member of the opposite sex tagging along, it was her mother, not Bella. But when Jasper referred to himself as her boyfriend, her heart skipped a beat. It wasn't as if she didn't know they were exclusive or anything of that nature, but when he spoke the term aloud, Bella really liked the sound of it. She squeezed his hand when he spoke of winning her a prize.

"You know if they have a big stuffed moose, that's the first thing we need to try for," she said with a grin. She made a mental note to herself that she would really have to look for the one she'd told him about under her bed when they returned home.

But Bella couldn't bring herself to think about that yet. Like Jasper, she wasn't ready. It was clear that soon they would probably have to be considering there was still the situation of the newborns at hand, but for now 'home' to Bella was wherever Jasper was. Right now, that was miles and miles away from the tiny town of Forks. Once they returned, they would have to be separated once more. At least, more than they had to be now. Even though it was pretty clear that the two of them had a more serious relationship now considering the fact that they'd left together and took an impromptu holiday, but Bella didn't think Charlie was going to be keen on the idea of Jasper sleeping in his daughter's bed. In fact, she would bet money on the fact that she would be grounded upon immediately stepping through the door when she returned finally. That was enough to cause her to delay the reunion.

Now the only thing she wanted to be concerned with was whether or not she should get a funnel cake or cotton candy.

"Hmm," she mused thoughtfully. "What are _you_ in the mood for?" She wrapped an arm around his back and smiled up at him. One thing Bella enjoyed doing the most with Jasper was teasing him.

The two of them had a fun element in their relationship that seemed to come out more the longer they spent time together. By now, it was just second nature. Remembering the time when she'd called him a 'tease' when he drove past the school on her first day back was another thought that brought a grin to her lips.

"I'm thinking I'm leaning towards cotton candy," she decided. "In honor of Renee. She could seriously live off of that stuff if I let her," she said fondly of her mother. "But you get to pick the color. It's a serious job. Can you handle it?"

* * *

Jasper had never attended a fair before. He'd always avoided them because of all the people and it also just wasn't something that he ever thought he'd enjoy going to. Squealing children and over enthusiastic workers overcharging everything from food to toys just didn't seem like something he'd find any fun in being around. However, he kept those thoughts to himself once they decided to go, and actually, he was having a much better time than he thought he would. Not only because of being with Bella and seeing her so happy, but he also found that being able to feel the genuine happiness of mostly everyone else in attendance was rubbing off on him. He imagined if he was human, he'd love to bring a girl - specifically Bella - somewhere like this.

In his time as a human, they of course didn't have anything like this. There was a traveling circus that came through his town a couple of times while he was growing up, but he'd never had the means to attend. He'd seen the tent from his house, though. And one time he'd gotten close enough to see a few of the animals before his father caught him sneaking off and took him back home to work because he'd been skipping his chores. But even that was nothing like this. The only real treats they'd sold back then were candy apples, from what he'd heard from his school mates who'd been lucky enough to attend. Jasper thought he would have liked very much to take a girl he'd been sweet on to something like that. Now he was, only it was over a century and a half later, and it was a far cry from the circus he'd seen from afar.

He did not want to think about going back to Forks. He knew he was in for an earful from Esme about taking off. Carlisle might lecture him a little for leaving in the midst of a serious crisis, but he knew it would be his mother who gave him the most grief over it. It didn't really matter to him. He was most concerned about what Bella was going to have to endure when she returned home. He had a feeling Charlie wouldn't be as forgiving as his family, and might even go as far as to forbid her from seeing him. He'd hoped that Carlisle and Esme could do enough damage control to prevent that, but he wasn't sure. The phone calls made to the police chief from Bella were always quick, from what he could hear. They would continue to avoid this subject for now, but Jasper knew that they would eventually have to speak of it; sooner probably rather than later.

For now, though, all he wanted to do was enjoy their outing. Jasper smiled as she wrapped her arm around his back and met her gaze with a loving one of his own. He raised an eyebrow when she asked him what he was in the mood for. Had he been more brash like Emmett, he probably would have said something that bordered on the sexual nature, but he kept that thought to himself and kissed the top of her head instead.

As she spoke of cotton candy, he scrunched his nose. "It's just sugar, isn't it? Am I going to be peeling you off the wall later?" he asked, chuckling a little. As they approached a cotton candy stand, he looked at the colors offered; blue, pink, and purple. "Isn't pink the standard?" He pulled his wallet out as they reached the man serving it, and ordered her a pink cotton candy. After paying, he let the man hand it to her and stared at the pink fluffy treat.

"You eat this?" he finally asked, wrapping his arm back around her as they started to walk again.

* * *

Bella turned her head away when he pulled out his wallet to pay. Even though it was for something as small as a stick of cotton candy, she still felt guilty that he was spending money on her. That was one thing that Bella imagined would never change. She would never be completely comfortable with Jasper always paying for her. It was no matter. She would pay him back somehow when they went back to Forks. At least they didn't have to pay for where they were staying. That was a big comfort considering that could have been costly. But it was convenient that they had the perfect getaway place that was on account of Carlisle and thus far, it proved to be the best thing they could have asked for. One thing was for sure – Bella would never be able to forget the time they spent there and it would always be a place she regarded fondly. Hopefully, this would only be the first time they were able to visit.

She smiled at him when he chose pink. After thanking both him and the food stand worker, she plucked a piece of the fluffy treat from the swirl and popped it into her mouth. It dissolved instantly into sugar and truth be told, it tasted delicious. Bella didn't usually like many sweets. At least, not the ones that were pure sugar like this one. But this was one treat that she didn't mind having once in awhile and since it was hard to find anywhere aside from a place like this carnival, she was grateful to indulge in it now.

"Mmm," she remarked as she took another piece. "Trust me, it's worth it to have obscene amounts of energy later if it tastes this good now." She wished he could have been able to enjoy it too, but considering they didn't make blood-flavored cotton candy, it was assuredly not something he'd like the same way she did.

"I promise to take it easy though so that no wall-peeling need occur," she said, licking her fingers free of the sticky sugar.

As they started walking, Bella started looking at the different games. Jasper had said that was what he wanted to do after getting her something to eat. Rather, she wasn't looking so much at the actual games as she was the prizes. There were giant stuffed animals of every kind. Most were of the bear variety, but there were certainly a few more less common animals. The multi-colored giant dinosaurs at the ring toss game made her smile, especially when there was a child pitching a fit in front of the game because his father couldn't seem to win. It was a full-blown tantrum complete with tears and fist-pounding on the dirt.

"That's what I'm going to do if you don't win a prize," she teased, wrapping her free arm back around him.

Her eyes immediately locked on one overstuffed prize when they turned a corner for another row of booths. Of all the obscure animals that could make into giant fair prizes one happened to be, what else, but a moose. Smirking slightly, she led him over to the direction of the game. "I think I see something of interest," she said with a grin up at him.

* * *

Jasper didn't quite understand the point of cotton candy, or how it even worked. He watched as the man spun the sugary substance around in the machine, then put it on a stick. Maybe it was because he was from a different time; he just didn't get the concept. He supposed that thinking about it defeated the purpose; candy wasn't supposed to make sense, really. So he just thought of it as a modern-day candy apple, minus the apple, and left it at that. Maybe he would have stolen a bite of it if it was something he could eat without having an adverse reaction.

That sort of thing was something he sometimes wondered if Bella was missing out on when it came to being involved with someone.. like him. He'd already witnessed a few couples feeding each other pieces of funnel cakes and sharing ice cream cones. He could imagine Bella laughing and popping a piece of cotton candy into his mouth. Unfortunately that was something he knew she'd never do. Jasper couldn't eat things like that; well, he could, but he'd get sick and have to throw it up - even something like cotton candy that would've dissolved on his tongue. He'd go through it, if it meant she could experience normal sort of couple activities, but he knew she'd never do anything like that to him. She was sacrificing so much normalcy for him. Of course, he was too - normalcy in that he should've been killing her, not dating her. But that was a privilege to Jasper, not a sacrifice.

This was not a time to think about sacrifice and sadness, however. They were here to have fun and spend time together and that was exactly what Jasper wanted to do with her.

"I don't mind the obscene amounts of energy at all," he said, grinning a little. "I'd just like it to be directed at things _other _than wall-peeling." That was about as close to a sexual innuendo as Jasper could make without getting embarrassed. It wouldn't necessarily make Emmett proud, but it did make his grin turn a little shy.

His attention was turned towards the row of game booths where several families and a few other couples were gathered trying to win prizes for their children and impress their girlfriends. Jasper wasn't _that_ different from the boyfriends trying to look good for their girlfriends. It was a little shameful, but that was just sort of the "guy" thing to do. While he was a gentleman and not even human, he was still a male. It would be going against eons of natural instinct of his gender to _not _want to look good in front of his partner, his mate, his girlfriend.

As she pointed out a screaming child, Jasper cringed. He could feel the frustration and just outright anger coming from the boy. It was a bit amusing though, to think that this kid probably had about a dozen of those same sort of toys at home among many others. Jasper couldn't help but chuckle.

"I'd like to see that. If you eat enough cotton candy, I'll believe it."

He kissed the top of her head as she wrapped her arm back around him. He looked around at all the possible prizes, and when she spoke up about one that caught her eye, Jasper walked at her side to where she wanted to go. He saw the moose, and there was no question about it - he had to win it for her.

"Consider the moose yours."

It was a shooting game, where the player was to hit the target. There were different ways to win. The closer to the bullseye, the bigger the prize. Obviously, judging by the size of the moose, it was a bullseye prize. He watched as a couple of other people in front of them tried their luck. There were three chances to hit the target, and only one of the men in front of them managed to hit the outside of the target and win his girlfriend a tiny stuffed dog. Of course, when Jasper stepped up, a few of the other guys who'd lost gave him a little grief to help their bruised egos. How could a skinny pretty boy like him even hold a gun, much less shoot it? Jasper said nothing, though he was tempted to just shoot the bullseye and be done with it.

He stepped up and held the rifle. He could clearly see the tiny bullseye without even squinting, and knew he could shoot it all day long if he really wanted to. But he had to make it look convincing. It'd just draw attention to them for the duration of their time if he hit the bullseye without putting any effort into it. Jasper feigned a squint and fired, missing the target completely. There were a few chuckles behind him. He didn't flinch. The second shot, he hit the edge of the target. A few more scoffs and even a call for him to allow the guy who'd won the dog to win Bella a prize. Jasper just turned to glance at Bella, and wiggled his brow a little. He turned back to the task at hand and fired the third time, hitting the bullseye dead center.

Silence behind him.

"We'll take the moose."

The stunned worker pulled the big moose down from where it was hanging and handed it to Jasper. He thanked the man politely, then presented it to Bella. "For you, ma'am."

* * *

If asked, Bella would have said she felt as if she were sacrificing nothing to be with Jasper. She didn't care about foolish things like feeding each other or anything of the sort. In fact, she actually kind of liked the fact that because he couldn't eat in the same manner she could, they usually didn't go out to eat anywhere often. It was nice every once in awhile, but Bella much rather preferred to stay at home with him, somewhere inside where she could curl up to him while she ate. She also felt bad when they went somewhere and people would constantly ask if 'he was sure he didn't want just a little something to nibble on?' Countless of waitresses had done that and simply stared at him whenever they would go somewhere.

Then again, they all could have been staring because with someone as beautiful as Jasper, what else could they really do?

Sleep was the other thing that she felt badly for. She liked curling up to him while she rested, but she knew that there were a million other things he could be doing each night other than just laying there while she slept. She imagined how much she would enjoy having all of the extra time during the day if she wasn't required to sleep at all. Or even eat for that matter.

But never once did she feel as if she were giving anything up in order to maintain their relationship. Of course there were things about _her _that she wished were different – specifically that she was less fragile – but that didn't have any reflection of negative feelings towards Jasper or her relationship with him. If anything, it just made her appreciate it more that he was so open to her, so willing to keep a normal relationship with her despite the fact that there were glaring differences between them. Such as being different species. They were making it work, however, and Bella had no doubts about failing to continue doing so.

It was amusing to watch the other people take turns trying their luck at the game. The male gender was really something interesting to observe when their hegemonic tendencies to prove their masculinity through competition were on display. The females were no less amusing to see. The one whose boyfriend managed to win her the stuffed dog made a dramatic display by throwing her arms around his neck and squealing excitedly when he made contact with the target.

Of all games, this was certainly the most fitting for Jasper. Bella knew that he would be easily able to hit the bullseye. In fact, she would have put money on him being able to win _any_ of the games that lined the booth of the fair. It was obvious though – only to her of course – that he was putting on a little bit of a show when it was his turn to shoot. His background, of course, in addition to his special abilities and heightened senses, made it all too easy for him. It was funny to see how the crowd reacted after each shot his took. First curiosity, then mocking, then utter shock when he nailed the bullseye.

Bella, unlike the girl who'd been given the dog, simply smiled at him. When he presented her with the overstuffed moose, she didn't throw her arms around him and jump up and down and squeal excitedly. But she did, however, stand on her toes to kiss his cheek.

"Thank you," she said, wrapping her arms around the stuffed animal.

It was over half the size of her and for a moment, she struggled with balancing it in her arms, while still holding the cotton candy and avoiding getting the sticky sweet all over her new prize. Sheepishly she handed the cotton candy to Jasper for the moment, shifting the moose in her arms. She honestly didn't realize quite how big it was until she was holding it. But it was surprisingly very soft and the limbs hung limply in order to make it a little bit easier for her to carry.

"He looks like…. a Mortimer," she said after a moment of thought. "Mortimer Moose." She laughed and looked up to Jasper to get his approval. "What do you think?" she asked. "I think he'll be the best of friends with my other little guy. In a giant, scary sort of way," she said.

* * *

Jasper didn't even give the once critical but now in awe spectators who witnessed his skills a glance. Now that the task was complete, his attention was only on Bella. He did smile though, as she kissed his cheek. That made all of that charade he just put on worth it. He could feel her happiness, even if she wasn't outwardly showing it through her enthusiasm. It made him feel good that he could bring her happiness, even if it was just in the form of an oversized stuffed moose. It didn't matter what the prize was; her happiness was the best of all.

It was a bit amusing to watch Bella try to juggle the moose and the cotton candy and Jasper gladly would have carried the moose for her. He just thought she'd want to hold it for a minute since it was her new present. He took the cotton candy while she tried to figure out how best to carry the moose. He got a good whiff of the cotton candy, which didn't smell appetizing to him at all, but it wasn't too bad. He couldn't help but smirk as she figured it out and let the limbs hang over her as she carried it. He kept hold of the cotton candy to make it easier for her, carrying it as they started walking again.

"Mortimer," he said, repeating the name and playing it over in his head. "Yes, I think you're right. He does look like a Mortimer. Not a Mort, though." He wiggled his eyebrow at her again and picked off a piece of cotton candy, then held it to her lips.

"Now that you've gotten a treat and a keepsake, what shall we do now?" He asked. "A ride? Or shall we get our faces painted?"

He laughed a little, nodding towards where a little girl was getting his a large rainbow painted on her cheek. That was not exactly something he could see himself doing. Though, he never thought he'd be carrying cotton candy, walking next to a giant moose in the middle of a fair, either. It was a day of firsts for him, that was for sure.

"The carousel might be fun.." He said, knowing she probably wanted to check it out. Truthfully, he did too. There was a line, but he didn't mind standing in it. "We'll find a seat for Mortimer, too. I think he meets the height requirement to ride," he said, grinning.

Jasper's spirits were very high that day. This was a place where he should have felt extremely anxious and terrified he'd slip up and commit mass murder. Yet he was very calm and enjoying himself very much. It was strange, yet oddly refreshing. And it was something he could only attribute to being in the presence of the girl next to him. Smiling at that thought, he slid his free arm around Bella's waist and pulled her close again.

* * *

Bella nodded when Jasper confirmed the moose's name, eliminating a possibility for a foul nickname in the process. When he pulled off a piece of her cotton candy and brought it to her mouth, she took it. But rather than pull away immediately, her lips closed over his thumb, which now tasted sweet from the way the treat had melted on it when she's taken it. Her tongue grazed the tip of his finger for a moment before she pulled back altogether. "

Hm. I really don't know why you wouldn't like the stuff," she said with a casual shrug, hiding a smirk as she turned back to watch where she was walking, shifting Mortimer in her arms.

It was a move that was bold in that it was blatantly sexual. Where Bella had gotten the nerve to do something like that was something that she might never have understood, but it likely had to do with the fact that she felt as if she could get away with more considering their heated evening in the hot tub a few nights before this one. Of course, she never would have done anything less subtle in public than drawing his finger into her mouth for a couple of moments. But Bella was okay with the discreet affection of the gesture. She hoped Jasper would be as well knowing they were both on the same page in regard to public displays of affection. Her cheeks were still pink, brave or not.

Perhaps then that face painting would have come in handy. She laughed when he made the suggestion of it, her eyes following as he nodded to the girl who now had multicolored streaks lining her cheek.

"I think we better just stick to the carousel," she said with a smile over at him. That was what she had been most looking forward to in any case. "Although, I think we should brave the ferris wheel before we go too. I usually would never step foot on one because I don't trust them, but I figure if I have _you _there, it wouldn't matter if the whole thing catastrophically collapsed," she said. Him, meaning a vampire. Meaning, there was no way she could have been in danger with him beside her.

As they got to the carousel after getting a couple of tickers, Bella's eyes immediately went to the carriages. One of them was already taken by a couple and their little girl but the one of the far side was still free. Excitedly, she started for it, but before she and Jasper could claim it, another couple sat down. There was a pronounced pout on Bella's face that she didn't even realize she was making. It was disappointing to not be able to sit there when such a place had symbolic meaning for their relationship, but they'd already gotten their tickets. As she started looking around for a couple of horses that were free near each other, the couple in the carriage got up.

"Oh here," said the girl apologetically. "Take this one," she said, yanking on her boyfriend's hand who was staring at Jasper in awe. Before Bella could even open her mouth to say something, the couple was already halfway around the carousel.

"Weird," she mumbled, looking after them with a furrowed brow. But it didn't matter. Their carriage was free now. "Oh well," she said with a shrug, setting Mortimer down on one side of the bench. She sat beside the stuff moose, trying to make enough room for Jasper, but the stuffed animal was going to make things more difficult.

"I hope you don't mind being close to me," she said with a grin. "It's going to be a tight fit."

* * *

As Bella took his thumb into her mouth, Jasper couldn't help but be drawn to gazing at her lips. He knew how warm her mouth was, because she'd left several kisses on his skin before. However, feeling the suckling motion she was giving his thumb was something new for him. It took his breath away and he found it very difficult to keep his composure. Had they been anywhere else where they could be alone, Jasper would have pulled her to him and kissed her until she was breathless. Maybe more. Ever since their night in the hot tub, he'd been a little more liberal in his advances. Not much, never assuming or taking things to an inappropriate level. He was a gentleman, after all. That didn't mean he was above rubbing her thigh or running his hand up her shirt.

As it was, they were in the middle of a crowded fair. He didn't have a choice. Her passionate kiss would have to wait, at least until they got to the car. Jasper chuckled when she spoke of avoiding the face painting, though he was relieved that she agreed with him on it. He did raise an eyebrow when she suggested the ferris wheel, then said she'd feel safe because he would be in the seat with her. That.. was terribly ironic. He was far more dangerous than any sort of unlikely catastrophe that might happen on the ferris wheel. She felt safe sitting next to her predator.

Only Bella. He grinned a little at the thought and kissed the top of her head.

When they reached the carousel, Jasper hoped they'd find an empty carriage to sit in. He'd have settled for two horses, though he wasn't comfortable on a horse, really. They'd be able to hold hands, but he wanted to sit close to her and sneak her kisses. Besides, carousel carriages would always hold a special place in Jasper's heart. They were symbolic of their special place back in Forks. Even though they did not particularly want to go back to that town right now, sitting in a carriage would be the reminder of a nice memory of that place. Unfortunately, the carriages all filled up quicker than he anticipated, and they were already set to ride this time around and not able to go back and let someone else take their place so that they would have first dibs on the next turn.

That is, until Bella spotted an empty one on the other side of the carousel where two kids got up to go ride on horses instead. He and Bella made a beeline for it, but another couple sat in it. Jasper could immediately feel Bella's disappointment and looked down at her out of instinct. He saw the pronounced pout on her lips and pulled her against him. He turned his gaze back to the couple, both of whom looked up at Jasper. Apparently his unhappiness at the fact that they'd upset his girlfriend showed on his features. He could feel their intimidation and discomfort, even fear and a hint of awe coming off of them. He didn't care if they were afraid of him, really. He was upset himself. Fortunately, they got up and gave them the carriage. His mood lifted, as he felt Bella's do the same.

"Yes, weird," he repeated, though he had a feeling he knew why they got up. It made no difference to him, as long as they got the carriage. What he didn't care for, was how Mortimer was cramping his style. He would've gladly put the moose on a horse or even let him sit out for the ride. That wasn't in Bella's plans, however. Apparently the carriage was going to be for three that day.

"Maybe I should leave you two alone," he said, barely able to fit on the bench with the damn moose there. He could foresee this being a recurring theme. Still, he managed to squeeze in and slid his arm around her shoulders. "But you should know that I'd never mind being close to you," he whispered, and nuzzled just behind her ear.

* * *

Bella didn't mind the close proximity at all. She was beginning to love her moose just a little bit more for the way it brought her and Jasper together. She liked the way it felt to be pressed against his cold side and from the closeness when he put an arm around her shoulders, she could smell him. When he brushed his nose against the spot just behind her ear, chills ran up her spine and she shivered. It was a very sensitive area and one that caused an immediate reaction from her when touched. The feeling was intensified on account of the fact that his skin was cold.

But because she didn't want him to think that she didn't enjoy the chill of his skin and thus was why she shivered, she put her hand on his knee and rubbed his lower thigh affectionately. Her free hand went to hold the one he had near her shoulder, linking her fingers together with his and then unlinking them in a lazy manner. The ride started slowly at first and it didn't get up to a speed much higher than that. It was soothing to relax in the carriage, though it was certainly different to be actually riding the ride instead of just resting in it while it was stationary as they did back on their fairgrounds at Forks. After a couple of minutes, she sighed.

"Yup," she said. "I've decided I like ours better."

The reason had everything to do with the significance. Of course this would be something that she could cherish as well with her memories, but when they left, this fairground would be left behind. She liked to think of the one where they frequently visited as being eternal somehow. It was silly considering it was literally in ruins, but she held hope in that little carriage that seemed so undamaged as compared to everything else in the facilities.

Rubbing her cheek against his hand, she closed her eyes to shield them from the spinning colors that passed every time they went around. Again, it wasn't fast, but the constant motion with such bright lights was enough to cause her to feel a bit dizzy for a moment. Nothing that couldn't have been solved by just resting her eyes.

"Tell me something no one else knows," she said, a faint smile playing at her lips. The first time she'd asked something like that of him had been at their carousel.

* * *

It was amazing to him, how the cold feel of his body had the same effect on her as her warmth did on him. Every time he held her against him, or felt her touch against his skin, Jasper shivered and warm chills ran up and down his spine. It was a feeling unlike anything he'd ever felt before. It was all Bella. And it wasn't just because of her body temperature. She stirred feelings within him he did not know existed. It made him incredibly happy and was a beautiful reminder of just how deeply in love he was with her.

He smiled as she touched him in various ways, both rubbing his thigh and playing with his fingers. They could be a little more affectionate in the carriage, as they weren't right out in the open. He still wasn't going to overdo it, but he was definitely more relaxed as they sat together in their seat. Of course, he was a little put off by the way Mortimer was staring at him from his side of the bench, but Jasper just tried to keep his gaze on Bella and nothing else. When she said she liked their carousel better, he smiled. That made him feel good.

"Me too," he said softly, and kissed her temple.

Their carriage was very special to him. It was their place, somewhere they could always go when they wanted to be alone. Something about it was just so special, and he knew it was because they'd found it together and shared some very deep moments together in that carriage. He was enjoying their current position, but it still couldn't compare to their carriage. Jasper joined in playing with her fingers, lightly brushing his against hers, lacing and unlacing them. He watched her as she closed her eyes, and held her a little closer for comfort.

He had to think about what to answer her request with. It wasn't that his life was an open book; certainly it wasn't, except to her. However, there were just so any aspects of his life that he'd never shared with anyone, and it was hard to pick just one thing. Jasper rested his chin on top of her head for a moment as he thought about his answer.

"I never fired my gun at anyone while I was in the army," he said. He wasn't sure why he chose that tidbit; it was just the first that seemed significant in his mind. "I aimed it a few times, but I never had to shoot. I never killed anyone in my human life."

* * *

There would never be a time that Bella wouldn't enjoy hearing more about him. She wanted to know everything from silly things like his favorite color to his untold secrets from his past to what he was thinking about in the moment. It was _all _of interest to her. She wondered if it was possible to know everything about another person. It was highly unlikely, no matter how open another might have been. But Bella honestly would have been content in spending years and years listening to his stories when she he was a human and when he was not. Seeing as he had so many decades under his belt, there were an awful lot to tell from what she would guess. Granted, they weren't likely all ones with happy undertones.

It was an interesting fact that he chose to tell her and upon hearing it, she opened her eyes to look up at him, carefully minding his chin as she did so. "Really?" she asked, impressed. "That's typically a good thing."

At least, she thought so. She imagined such a thing had probably been extremely difficult as well. More difficult than that had been his life after he was a human in the army. She knew, from other stories he'd told her, that there was a lot more death involved there. It was probably a topic he didn't want to delve too deeply into and thus, Bella wouldn't dare push it any further.

The ride only lasted a couple of more minutes (much to the disappointment of the entire crowd of riders under the age of ten) but it had been sufficient enough for Bella. When it came to a stop, she wriggled herself out from between Jasper and Mortimer, the two of which had been completely opposite on either side of her in temperature and texture. She, for as much as she loved her new prize, preferred the one on her left, the one who'd won that prize. Bella tried to shift the moose so she could hold it under one arm in order to free her other to wrap around Jasper, but she only made it a couple of steps before Mortimer started slipping from her grasp. She had no choice but to wrap both of her arms around the oversized stuffed animal, linking her fingers together around its fluffy middle. She was determined to carry it herself for the effort he put into winning it (however little that may have actually been).

"What do you think, should we go for the ferris wheel or avoid the risk of any kids potentially throwing their funnel cakes up on us and go back to the cabin?" she asked, hoisting the moose up a little bit.

* * *

Jasper still didn't know why she was so fascinated with his human life. He always thought it was boring, from what he could remember. But he had found that recalling memories was something he actually enjoyed doing. He'd blocked out all of his past for so many years, not wanting to relive all the horrible truths that had been a part of him and in the process he'd blocked out all the good, too. That'd been a true shame, because really Jasper had lived a fairly interesting life. It wasn't really to him, as he was the one who had lived it, but to anyone else it would have probably made a good tale - as it was to Bella. There were a lot of things he wanted to know about her, too. She'd given him bits and pieces here and there, but there was still a lot about her he didn't know. He loved what he knew, though.

"Mhm, I guess it is. I just couldn't do it. I guess I was lucky I'm intimidating to look at," he said, smiling a little.

He kissed the top of her head and hid his face in her hair for the rest of the ride. Though this wasn't their carousel, he still felt this was meaningful. Any time spent with Bella meant something to him, and he cherished every second. He stroked her shoulder and just continued to breathe the scent of her hair. He couldn't really describe her scent in words. It was sweet, but there was something just a little tart to it as well. For the most part, humans all smelled the same to him. He could smell their blood and nothing else reached his senses. It had been the same way with Bella for a long time, too. Now that they'd gotten closer, however, her scent stood out from everything else around him. Her scent was one he could pick out of any crowd, he knew. He loved that scent.

When the ride ended, he wasn't too disappointed. While he would've liked to have stayed curled up with her for a much longer time, he knew that they had a cabin in which they could devote their time to doing that. They'd even be able to indulge more in their kisses and the way they held each other. That was what was on his mind when they stepped off the carousel. He watched as she tried to balance carrying the huge moose. Jasper would've had no problems with it at all, not only because of his strength but because he had a considerable amount of height on the thing. He would've offered to carry it, but he could feel her determination to carry it herself and he did not want to take away from that or make it obvious that she was struggling. There were very few things that he ever saw Bella being prideful about, so he wanted her to have this moment.

Jasper slid his arm around her shoulders as they walked, casually kissing the top of her head every now and then. At the mention of the ferris wheel, he looked up at it, then back at her.

"Whichever you'd like, Belle," he said. "I was thinking about how good it sounded to crawl into bed with you." He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "But if you want to give it a go, I'm sure the view is great from up there. But one condition? Mortimer rides on his own. He's tall enough."

* * *

Bella's poor heart.

It was such a frequent occurrence that Jasper caused it to skip a beat that it was a wonder the fragile organ didn't go into complete cardiac arrest. Everything he did seemed to illicit the same positive response from the smaller things like when he kissed her head or squeezed her shoulders to when he would call her Belle to when he painted a picture of the two of them curled up in bed for her. The latter caused her cheeks to blush slightly in addition to her heart skipping a beat. But that was just as well. Suddenly she didn't have a desire to go on the ferris wheel at all after being presented with a much better alternative.

"I like the sound of crawling into bed," she said.

There was little she liked _more _than that idea. It was true that any time spent with Jasper was time that was enjoyed and it truly didn't matter where they were or what they were doing as long as she they were together. But ever since they took their physical relationship a step further, it was difficult to not have such a strong attachment to any ideas that called for a close proximity. Especially one in bed. There was just something that was so appealing about the way he'd said it as well. It caused Bella to nearly forget about the fair completely when she had been so looking forward to going.

It wasn't hard to leave, however. They had done everything they set out to do from getting a sweet treat for her to riding the carousel and of course, winning Mortimer, who Bella was already very much in love with and was happy to hold onto especially when they got to the car. She insisted on keeping him on her lap for the duration of the ride home. Of course, that meant that she couldn't see anything at all in front of her considering it was taller than she was when she was seated, but that was just fine with Bella. She would rather have been focusing her attention on the driver anyway.

"You were very impressive with your acting skills tonight," she remarked. "I know you could have easily hit that target all three times." At least with the stuffed animal on her lap, she could wrap one arm around it and let the other free so her hand could seek out his to hold. "But I think one Mortimer is enough," she added. "Three would have been overdoing it."

* * *

Jasper smiled and nodded. He wasn't too sorry to leave. While he'd been doing surprisingly well amongst the crowd, the sounds of the conflicting heartbeat rhythms were starting to get louder in his ears. He would've endured it without complaint if Bella wanted to stay, though. He knew being here had made her happy, and he'd enjoyed it as well. All in all, it'd been a good outing for them. They hadn't really gotten much of a chance to act like a "normal" couple since they became one. Going to the library had been one of the few opportunities they'd had to do so, but they were few and far between. Jasper knew his thirst was a hindrance and so was the fact that he didn't eat food. Bella never complained out loud, though Jasper wouldn't have blamed her if she did.

"I think the sign outside said that the fair would be here through the weekend. If we want to come back tomorrow, we can," he said, lightly running his fingers through her hair.

He loved doing that; her long chocolate locks were so soft, and curling his fingers in it and stroking the soft strands were among his favorite things to do while she slept and when he was close enough to her to do so. Though truly, he loved every affection he was able to bestow on her. Jasper was not someone who engaged in that sort of thing with just anyone, but the object of his affection would receive all he had to give. Bella was that person.

When they reached Annabelle, he opened the passenger door for Bella ..and Mortimer. He was beginning to wonder if getting that thing was going to come back to haunt him, but if it made Bella happy -which it clearly did- then he knew it couldn't have been a mistake. It was a little comical to watch her try to situate herself with the giant moose; Annabelle wasn't a very spacious car, and Mortimer wasn't exactly a small moose. He would've been happy to cram Mortimer in the trunk or strap him to the hood, but Bella was intent on holding him, so he didn't mention it. It did make him feel good when she reached out for his hand, though. Jasper gently laced their fingers and smiled as he started the car and began driving the short distance back to the cabin.

"You have quite a bit of confidence in me to believe that was acting," he said, with a smirk. Of course he could have hit the target dead on each time, but it was fun to tease. "I think I just got lucky. However I do think you're right. Three Mortimers wouldn't have fit in the car." He pulled out onto the main road and drove quickly back towards the house.

* * *

"I would say I was your good luck charm, but I have a habit of attracting all the bad luck in the immediate vicinity directly to myself so we'll just leave it at the fact that you have skills with a rifle," she said.

She closed her eyes for a moment when his fingers thread through her hair. Bella loved when he did that; it was soothing for her. She imagined when she weaved her fingers through his curls it had the same effect for him. But also like him, it was one of her favorite things to do. Before he pulled his hand away, she snagged it and brought his wrist to her lips. Kissing the skin, the let go and laced her fingers with his again for the rest of the ride home.

* * *

**Author's Note:** So, here we got a little glimpse into Bella and Jasper having a date. This was one of our favorite scenes as it allowed them to interact like any other normal human couple going out and having a good time - while at the same time, still being true to to what they are (Jasper being a very old vampire, trying to understand the concept of cotton candy). We'll see more of that coming up. Thank you as always for reading and for you comments. We love hearing from you all so please keep them coming! Cheers!

**Lyrics: **She Paints Me Blue - Something Corporate


	23. Chapter 23

_I'll give you every thing I can_  
_ I'll build your dreams with these two hands_  
_ We'll hang some memories on the walls_  
_ And when just the two of us are there_  
_ You won't have to ask if I still care ;;  
_

It wasn't a long drive at all from the carnival. They were there in a couple of minutes. While Jasper came around to her side of the car to open her door, Bella shifted Mortimer again in her arms. He seemed heavier than when she had been carrying him around the fairgrounds, but she just figured it was because she'd had a little rest from doing so. Either way, she was still determined to get him into the cabin on her own. Not only into the cabin, but all the way up the stairs and into the middle of their bed.

"Will you look after him for me while I take a shower?" she asked. "He needs to get used to his new home. I imagine it's a far cry from being crowded in a plastic bag with other stuffed animals and being handled by carnies," she said.

She kissed Jasper once and gave the oversized moose a pat on his fluffy head. "You look after him too, Mortimer," she said with a grin. "I'm pretty sure I was promised something along the lines of being crawled into bed with and I don't want anyone backing out on me," she teased, looking at up to Jasper again.

With that promise in mind, it didn't take Bella long to get herself ready for bed. It wasn't necessarily that late in the evening yet and she wasn't tired, but she _was _looking forward to being in bed with Jasper. It remained to be her favorite way to unwind after a day. It had been since the first night he spent with her in her room, the first time they kissed. That was the memory she was thinking about while she was in the shower. It was enough to keep a smile on her face for the duration of it.

It was funny how just thinking about him could lift her spirits to such elevated levels. Whether she was dwelling in past memories or thinking about ones to come, it didn't matter; Bella was always in such a good mood. This evening, she was particularly giddy. It was almost assuredly to blame in part because of the sugar in the cotton candy as well, but whatever the case, it had her eager to see him sooner rather than later. She didn't even finish drying her hair the whole way after she'd dressed in her pajamas before going to find him. When she did, Jasper was in the kitchen, back turned and cooking something or other from what she could gather.

Adopting a determined grin, she closed the distance between them with a little sprint, jumping onto his back and locking her arms and legs around him. Of course, since Bella lacked all things that were associated with grace, balance, or coordination, she started slipping immediately. It didn't help that she was laughing either.

* * *

Jasper just kind of stared at the moose after Bella departed to take her shower. It's blank, dark eyes were _staring _at him and he found it a little off-putting. It almost looked smug, as if it knew that Bella had been cuddling it and giving it affection. For about half a minute, the two stared at each other without blinking. It was an intense stare off, and Jasper even growled a bit before he grabbed the moose and dragged it downstairs similarly to how he would've dragged his prey off to drain its blood.

The setting sun glinted off the sharp knife blade as Jasper brought it down quickly onto the chopping block, setting to work. There was a look of intensity on his face as he sliced and diced, chopped and carved. His eyes narrowed, but a smirk tugged at his lips as he twirled the knife around in his hand.

No, he wasn't carving up Mortimer.

The stuffed moose was sitting at the kitchen table. Jasper was working on making a snack for Bella. Though she'd had cotton candy at the fair, that was hardly anything of substance. Through the duration of her shower, he worked on cutting up various fruits for her to eat. He'd started by washing everything, and then began to place it on a plate. After a few minutes, he'd lined the plate with strawberries and orange slices, but it just didn't seem good enough for her. The plate looked, well, boring. He eyed the cantaloupe and a few of the other fruits, and then a sideways smirk tugged at his lips.

By the time he heard Bella coming out of the bathroom, he'd finished his arrangement. There were cantaloupes cut into the shapes of flowers, pineapples cut into stars, grapes stacked on toothpicks, and intricate designs cut into everything else. He'd arranged everything very elaborately, almost like a bouquet. He glanced back at Mortimer and raised an eyebrow as if to say, "top that," and then went back to making another stack of grapes.

That was when Bella decided to come downstairs. He heard her breathing along with her footsteps and he knew when she started to run at him. He smirked a half-second before he felt her warm, soft body plow into his back. Jasper hoped she didn't hurt herself in the process, but given the laughter and joy he felt from her, he knew she was okay. He felt her start sliding down his body and reached back to catch her, pulling her up onto his back so that she could wrap her arms around his neck if she wanted. He held onto her thigh and turned his head back towards her.

"Oh, hello."

He chuckled lightly, then nodded towards the fruit display. "I thought you might be hungry. We can take it upstairs if you'd like."

* * *

Bella was still giggling when he shifted her so that she would be better situated on his back. It wasn't like Bella to be so _giggly_ or _giddy_. She had a sense of humor of course, but hers was often based on one that was much more sarcastic as opposed to anything else. She was never seen having fits of shrill laughter amongst a group of girls or anything of that nature. It was a very rare occasion that she would catch a case of the giggles. In fact, she couldn't remember when it was this bad. She laughed with Jasper often – it was one of the best qualities in their relationship; the fun of it. But this night seemed to be particularly laughter-inducing.

The cotton candy. It had to be.

It didn't matter the cause though in the end. She wouldn't trade the occasional giggle fit when it appeared. But because it was Bella, the giggling part didn't last very long, sugar high or not. She settled herself and readjusted her arms and legs around him so that she felt secure, arms moving around his neck instead of his torso where they had ended up when she failed to successfully jump high enough. But lacking actual laughter or not, nothing would be able to take away the smile on her face. She buried it against his back, between his shoulder blades, before kissing that spot. Lifting her head, she rested her chin on his shoulder and peered down at what he'd made for her.

The brunette was shocked at what she saw. It wasn't just a couple of pieces of cut up fruit. It really _did _look a bouquet of flowers. Everything was so intricately done, appearing to be more like a piece of art as opposed to something she could actually eat. But at the same time, it looked like the most appetizing concoction she'd ever seen. She didn't realize that she was hungry until she saw it. The cotton candy was delicious of course, but it wasn't the best as far as satiating one's appetite was concerned. Throw in the fact that he said they could take it back upstairs and Bella was very pleased.

"That sounds good," she said. Holding onto him a little bit tighter instead of dropping down to her feet, she kissed the spot below his ear. "One ticket for a ride up on the ferris wheel please," she said with a grin. This would be a better ride than the one they would have had back at the town carnival.

"We'll have to make a quick stop for Mortimer though," she said, glancing back to the moose sitting at the kitchen table. She noted him fondly before she'd jumped on Jasper. It was sweet that he'd brought her stuffed animal downstairs with him.

* * *

Jasper loved the playfulness that they'd developed between each other in their relationship. He'd never dreamed he'd be able to be so relaxed around Bella that he could _play _with her, and yet they seemed to do that just as much as everything else. They could laugh with each other easily, and there was often a playful undertone to their verbal interaction. It was very nice that they had a very similar sense of humor. Jasper was as sarcastic as she was and it worked well in their banter. And yet, they could be sweet and playful and it was just as entertaining. It was never boring and never tiring.

"Yes ma'am," he said, picking up the plate of fruit while still holding onto her. He paused when she addressed the issue of Mortimer. "The moose might have to wait this one out. I don't think I carry you, the fruit, and Mortimer. I might be a vampire, but I still only have two hands."

He knew that the moose made her happy, though, and leaving it down here probably wasn't an option. He didn't want to put her down, either. "So I'll just have to come back for him, won't I?" Jasper shot Mortimer a glare, but then grinned back at Bella and took off upstairs. He didn't move too fast, but definitely quicker than the average human.

Once he'd gotten her up the stairs and into the bedroom, he set the fruit bouquet on her night stand and then gently set her on the bed. "One second," he said, and kissed the top of her head.

Jasper turned and raced down the stairs. He grabbed the moose and in an instant was back in the room. He put it on the edge of the bed, and then crawled in next to her. He didn't really want the moose there, but he knew she probably did. As long as it didn't get in his way, he'd cope with it being there. Jasper reached over and picked up the plate, setting it in his lap. Then he slid his arm around her shoulders, picked up one of the strawberries, and held it up to her lips for her to eat.

* * *

Taking a ride up the stairs via Jasper's back was much more fun than it would have been on the actual ferris wheel as she predicted. For one thing, it was just the two of them which was always something that proved to be a bit more beneficial when she wanted to be close to him. And another thing, she _could _be closer to him now than she would have been at the carnival and not be wary of onlookers. Besides, it didn't hurt that she was in her pajamas now which were a little more comfortable than her jeans and she had a delicious looking treat waiting for her as well that she could already tell rivaled the cotton candy.

She laughed when he joked about what his vampire-abilities didn't include and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. When he set her on the bed, she shifted back a little bit so she could rest against the headboard. By the time she'd done that, Jasper was already beside her and Mortimer was settled comfortable near the foot of the bed. His arm around her shoulder allowed her to snuggle into his side. When he brought a strawberry to her lips, she lifted an eyebrow at him.

"This is a little cliché, isn't it?" she teased before taking the fruit between her teeth. It was a different sort of sweet than the cotton candy she'd had at the fair, but it was just as appetizing. Probably the safer bet as well considering the other treat had her a bit light-headed before.

"I didn't realize you were such an artist," she said as she got a better look at the shapes he'd made. Reaching over, she picked up one of the skewers of grapes, pulling one off to pop into her mouth. "So let's recount. You're a moose-winner, a fruit architect, and a romantic," she said, eating another one of the grapes. "And all with only two hands. How do you do it?"

* * *

Jasper enjoyed doing little things for Bella, like surprising her with a trip to the library, or winning her a giant moose, or putting together a meal for her. She was always so genuinely grateful and never expected him to do things like that; he could feel her sincerity when she thanked him, and her happiness at being surprised. It was fun for him, almost as if he was the one receiving the gift instead. For him to be able to make her so happy, whether it was from taking her for a drive, or just a simple kiss on the head, made Jasper feel very fulfilled.

"It might be," he said, smirking. "But at least I'm not dressed in a toga or something equally as embarrassing, simultaneously fanning you with a large palm leaf while feeding you grapes. Though I am sad to admit, I've accidentally been exposed to Emmett in such a predicament. Believe me, it could be much worse than this."

He chuckled, dismissing the ridiculous imagery before it became permanently etched in his mind. He offered her the skewer of grapes next and just leaned against her as she ate from it. He really didn't know he had the ability to create something like this. It was just one of those things where he started doing it, and this was the result.

"I didn't either. I've never cut up fruit before." He shrugged innocently and nuzzled into her hair.

As he counted off his abilities, he was thankful for the inability to blush. "Well, you did forget that I'm pretty good at building sandcastles, _and_ finding you in mirrored fun-houses. But who's counting, really?" He laughed a little and picked up one of the flowered cantaloupe pieces. "It's not quite a daffodil, but I'll work on it." He placed it in his palm and held it out for her. "At least it's edible." For her, anyway. He was doing a pretty good job of not letting his distaste for the moose on the bed to show, though he was really beginning to understand that whole "three's a crowd" phrase pretty well.

* * *

That was another one of the best parts of their relationship – how giving they were to one another. It was obvious that financially and materialistically speaking that Jasper was far more capable of giving her such things of the same nature than Bella was for him. But that wasn't where the giving came from. The giving was letting her curl up to him while she was sleeping. The giving was letting her kiss him often, touching him in little ways. By allowing these things, Jasper was giving her far more than enough. Bella was always happy to give the same in return. Anything that she could have given him to result in his happiness was something that she wouldn't think twice about. She felt that way especially when she would question him about his human life and he would light up at the memories. She felt as if that was the best thing she could help him with and seeing the payoff in his smile was better than any gift she could have received herself. Thus, she could fully understand his mindset about the joy of giving.

Immediately upon mention of him having caught Emmett in such a position, Bella made a face, scrunching her nose and wincing at the thought of it. "Don't make me lose my appetite," she begged.

Emmett was a jokester for sure and it was no secret that his favorite material was anything that involved sexual undertones. He seemed to have a habit of trying to make Bella blush whenever possible. It had been a very long time though since she was the subject of any of his jokes, though somehow she didn't doubt that she would be the next time she saw him considering she was currently occupying a cabin alone hundreds of miles away with his brother. The thought of Emmett catering to Rosalie didn't surprise her, but it did disgust her. She would never want to be fawned over in such a way, especially since she would have bet her life on the fact that it was Rose's idea and not Emmett. Bella couldn't even imagine asking Jasper something like that. She was making sure that he wasn't feeding her everything now even, just to make it clear to him that he didn't have to do something like that when she was capable.

"I guess you've never really had a need," she said, leaning her head against his when he nuzzled her still slightly damp hair. Bella grinned when he added a few of his accomplishments to her growing list. "I don't know how I could have forgotten those considering I had to pay you back for each one of them," she said.

Of course, they were all prizes he would have gotten regardless of any of their games with one another. When he held out the flower to her and explained what he'd been trying for, she was touched by the gesture. It was sweet of him to remember the significance of daffodils for her, especially since they quickly became her favorite flower. Bella never had a favorite before. In Phoenix, it was far too hot to have normal gardens. It was mostly just cactus flowers if any were to bloom. But ever since the first night she had that dream, the golden flowers were sentimental. That entire night had been from there on out.

"It's still pretty impressive," she said, tracing around the fruit flower in his hand with the tip of her forefinger to admire it for a moment longer. "Especially for such short notice. Imagine what you could have done if I would have taken a bath," she said, taking the flower from his hand and picking off the middle to pop into her mouth. It tasted even better than it looked. All of it had so far.

"And definitely edible," she nodded after she'd eaten the cantaloupe petals as well.

* * *

The greatest gift for him to receive was being able to feel her happiness. It was very important to him that her happiness be constant. Anytime he could contribute to that happiness was something that meant the world to him. Everything seemed to be working out between them now. They'd hit a rough patch, though it was not actually intentional; it had all been due to misunderstandings perpetuated by others. It had been rough, devastating even, but they'd managed to get through it and actually, Jasper thought they were better off for it. He was happier now than he'd been in a long time, and he could feel she was very happy as well. It almost seemed impossible that he could be so happy, and that he was able to love her so much.

He chuckled when she mentioned losing her appetite over Emmett and Rosalie's sexcapades, though there was an obvious bitterness that even he shared at the thought of Emmett's mate. Jasper had never really had much of a problem with Rosalie before now. She'd always been annoying and catty, but they'd always shared a quiet, unexpected bond that developed when they began masquerading as twins. He thought he'd understood her, and they had both shared feelings in their dislike for who they were as vampires. However, any shred of a bond they once had was completely destroyed by Rosalie's actions as of late. He wanted nothing to do with her ever again after the way she'd disrespected his memory of Alice and her cruelty towards Bella. It was unforgivable. Still, he had no contempt towards Emmett. He just felt sorry for his brother at times because he knew he often sacrificed his own fun and happiness for his mate, and that never seemed fair to Jasper at all.

"No, I suppose not," he said, taking one of her hands in his.

It was true, he'd never really had to cater to a human directly before. They'd always blended with humans, and he'd always taken extra care to make sure he didn't slip up. However, he'd always avoided direct contact and he certainly didn't adhere to their nutritional needs. Since being with Bella, though, the human world was thrust onto him in a completely different way. It was foreign to him, but it came effortlessly, just like everything else that came along with being with her.

Jasper smiled as she took the flower-shaped treat and ate it. It made him happy to see her enjoying it so much. Once she'd finished the cantaloupe, he took her hand and started to thread their fingers, then loosened them, then laced them again. He liked the contrasting feelings of hot and cold whenever he touched her. He also just liked playing with her fingers.

"If you'd taken a bath, I would've just brought it to you while you relaxed," he whispered. "Maybe even joined you, too..."

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers, then laced their fingers again and rested his head against hers. If they never left this place, he'd be perfectly fine with that. He only needed his Bella.

* * *

Bella blamed Jasper for her fixation with hands. Rather, her fixation with _his_ hands. She too, liked the way they contrasted in temperature. When they had been on the porch after having their serious discussion upon the early evenings of their stay at the cabin, it had been their hands that sparked her comment about the differences between them. But this particular difference was one that fascinated her. She didn't understand – or rather, couldn't explain – how they seemed to fit together so perfectly _despite_such differences. But it was just indicative of how not everything in their relationship needed to be explained in order to make sense.

Her eyes followed his fingers as they laced together with hers and then loosened their hold. She shifted herself a little bit more so she could comfortably lean into the crook of his body and his arm around her, resting her head against his when he did the same. His comment about the bath instantly caused her cheeks to flush. It didn't ever seem to matter if it was an idea that Bella was keen on or if it was one that she was just embarrassed by, her body always had the same reaction with the rush of blood to her face. It happened to be, this time, that she was _very_keen on such an idea. She hoped he wouldn't think that with the way her cheeks flushed, that he was making her uncomfortable. That wasn't the case at all.

"Damn shower," she mumbled with a grin, tilting her face back to nuzzle his cheek, brushing her nose against it softly.

"I'll keep that in mind for next time," she said. "I wouldn't be opposed to taking you up on that offer now actually, but I'd feel bad that we didn't make prior arrangements for Mortimer. We wouldn't want him to be left alone because of our bad planning skills," she said, linking her fingers with his and giving his hand a squeeze. "We'll need to look into some sort of moose babysitting system. Think we could find one of those in town?"

She unlinked her fingers with his again and pressed the tips of them all together, lining them up. The temperature difference was evident even there, in the smallest of touches as she spread her fingers apart and then brought them together again.

Curling the tips of her fingers, she made her hand into half of a heart shape against his hand which in turn, would make the other half. This brought a fond smile to her lips as she examined them, leaning her temple against his chin.

"I think your artistry is rubbing off on me," she said proudly.

She tilted her face back again to press her lips to the area just below his jawline. There was no need aside from the fact that she liked the closeness of him to her and frequent reminders of it such as the one of the kiss were things she engaged in often.

* * *

It was true that they did have differences; in fact it was blatantly obvious. To Jasper, these differences complimented each other. While some were more extreme than others, they weren't hindering to their love. He'd admittedly been terrified that they would at first; he was scared he'd hurt her or worse, but being with Bella had actually helped him more than anything else probably could. She made him feel whole again, as was evident in how perfectly her hand fit in his.

He grinned a little as she played along with his idea for a bath together. The bathtub would be large enough for them, and the thought of lounging with her in the warm water was very alluring. Not only that, it excited him a bit as it brought back memories of their night in the hot tub. Repeating it in the bathtub wasn't his only intent when he suggested it, though. He liked the idea of the intimacy, and how the warm water made his body less chilling. His eyes closed as she nuzzled his cheek. He loved any token of affection she bestowed on him; he could feel her desire to be affectionate, and it was so very sweet.

Of course, as soon as the subject of the moose on the end of their bed was brought up, Jasper got a little twitchy. "Yes, perish the thought that Mortimer spend time by himself," he said, though there was no hint of malice in his voice.

He certainly didn't want Bella to know he was jealous of a stuffed animal. It was silly, and he knew that logically it made no sense for him to harbor such feelings, but he couldn't help it! "I'm sure there's a moose watching service somewhere. Better yet, we could put him outside in his natural environment and let him make friends that way."

Jasper liked that idea a lot, actually.

His jealousy melted away when she started playing with their hands again. He watched as she formed half of a heart with her hand and his fingers instinctively formed the other. It was symbolic, really. They'd both had their hearts ripped in half, but now they were two halves of the same heart. Jasper smiled at the thought.

"Maybe so.." he mused softly, sighing contently as she kissed at his jaw.

He turned to the side a little and kissed her then, holding her close to him as he laced their fingers. It wasn't an intense kiss, but it wasn't too light, either. It was one that clearly spoke that he loved her, but still was very unassuming.

* * *

Bella didn't notice anything amiss at all when Jasper spoke of Mortimer. She surely would have laughed if she knew what he true feelings were about the little – rather, the _giant_- moose. If he was worried that anyone was taking his place, stuffed animal or not, he could not have been more wrong. There was no one else who could fit that space. There was not one other person who could fill the other half of her heart. The way that his fingers fit with hers, especially in the way that they just naturally shaped to form the other side of the shape she was making was a sign of this. Maybe it was a silly one, yes. But Bella took it right to heart and it made her feel fulfilled.

People always said that things happened for a reason. Perhaps all the negativity in their pasts occurred for this – being together, the two of them. Maybe that was how things were meant to be. It was not something that could have been predicted to be sure, but if it was foreseen, then it probably would not have worked out in the same manner in which it had. They might not be in this very spot right now. But whether fate was to blame or not, Bella was positive that never in her life did she feel the same way about anyone as she did about Jasper. That isn't to say that she didn't love before – she had. Deeply. But this was different. Bella felt as if she were so _alive _with Jasper. She didn't have to think so much, but rather, could rely on feeling. Such a thing allowed for other sides of her to come out, sides that most people would never see. She could be quite playful when she wanted to be. She could even be somewhat… seductive, she learned. Though for the latter, she would still deny that it was intentionally and if her seduction ever worked, it surely was by mistake. In that department, she was still lacking some confidence, but the more time she spent with Jasper, the more intimate they became, the better at accepting what she was capable she grew.

It never ceased to surprise her how taken she was with him whenever he kissed her. It took her breath away every single time, no matter if it was just a light peck on the lips when she would shift in his arms to get more comfortable when they were just lounging around or across the table when she was eating breakfast in the mornings, or if it was a deeper kiss, one that was rooted in passion and made it impossible to keep hands off one another. Everything in between had the same effect on her. And the best part? She could always feel his happiness. She could always tell that he was just as happy to be close to her, just as happy with his lips pressed against hers as she was. That was an amazing feeling. To know that she had something to do with his elated feelings was priceless.

That was how it was currently when he kissed her. She could still taste the lingering sweetness of the fruit on her lips and mixed with the taste of Jasper, it was heavenly for Bella. She tilted her face toward his, returning the kiss that feel perfectly in between light and passionate. Because it tasted so good, she couldn't help but to put a little bit more pressure against his mouth, squeezing his fingers when they laced with hers. Her other hand lifted to brush against his cheek, resting against the cool, smooth skin there.

"You taste good," she observed when she had to begrudgingly pull back for a breath. Her tongue slid between her lips to taste the bottom one. "Hm," she remarked with a grin.

* * *

Jasper never wanted to endure the pain he'd gone through when he lost Alice again, or the devastation of when he thought Bella no longer loved him. He did not want Bella to have to go through any of her pain and sorrow again either. But, he thought that it was because of that pain that they were able to love each other so much and cherish what they had now. Things would no doubt be different now if the events of their past had not happened, but the thing was, they _had_ happened. They couldn't change the past; they only had the present, the _now _to focus on. They were living in the moment, so to speak, and doing so with each other. It was wonderful, and he was very happy.

Bella's kisses would have had the same effect on Jasper if he had a breath that could be taken, or a beating heart that could skip and flutter. As it was, he mostly felt the rush of sensations and feelings coming from her, and they had a similar result within him. They ignited feelings within him that he didn't realize he had. Kissing her was like kissing an open flame, only instead of getting painfully burned, he was touched by the flame of passion. He could also feel the purity of her love. It was a beautiful feeling that he did not take for granted.

One of his favorite things about Bella was how humble she was. She was beautiful, and Jasper knew he wasn't the only person who thought so. She was smart, too, and very sweet and kind, even with her dry wit and sarcasm. The beauty of it was that she never flaunted it. Though, she could have if she wanted, yet she did not. Jasper sometimes even wondered if she truly knew how gifted she was in so many ways. Whether she did or not, she was beautiful to him and sometimes he still questioned what she saw in him. He did not, however, question her love. That was something he could always feel from her (save for the time when he could not feel anything), and he knew it was true. He felt very lucky, and it was all because of her.

He made the softest sound as she returned his kiss, giving one of her own. His fingers curled a little tighter around her shoulder as he held her to him, though he was mindful not to spill the fruit plate. He wouldn't have cared if he did, but he wanted to make sure she had all she wanted of it and not waste it if she was still hungry. Jasper opened his eyes just in time to see her lick her bottom lip. It sent a rush of unexplainable feelings through his body and he had to close his eyes for a moment to let the feeling pass. He reopened them and smiled fondly at her, then kissed her forehead and settled back against the bed.

"I think you mean the fruit," he said with a bit of a smirk and held up another strawberry for her.

* * *

"No," Bella assured him, giving him another kiss as he settled back down against the bed. "But I'd be happy to spend the rest of the night proving that to you long after the fruit is finished," she said, a little gleam catching the warm chocolate brown in her gaze.

And that was exactly how the rest of the evening went until the exhaustion of the long day took over and Bella took into a sweet sleep.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Just another sweet chapter to show the interaction between the two of them. We hope you enjoyed it. Please remember to review our story! The next two chapters take a turn for the... VERY intimate. That's all we'll really say! :D Are you excited? Let us know!

**Lyrics:** I Swear - All 4 One


	24. Chapter 24

_Mess up my bed with me_  
_Kick off the covers, I'm waiting_  
_Every word you say I think I should write down_  
_Don't want to forget come daylight ;;_

It was getting closer for Bella and Jasper's getaway to come to an end. Neither of them had spoken of it aloud just yet, but it felt as if it were a mutual understanding that they soon needed to return to Forks. Every time Bella called to speak to her father, he seemed a bit more angry when she hung up the phone after telling him that while everything was just fine, she still wasn't sure when exactly she would be home. It did seem to help that the Cullens, Esme and Carlisle namely, had been helping the police chief accept that that sudden trip had been a necessary one and more importantly, that Bella was being well taken care of. But if she was being taken care of by a teenage boy whom Charlie was still relatively unfamiliar with, then it made no difference; he wanted his daughter home. Bella understood this and didn't like the fact that she was worrying her father, but it hadn't been enough to send her running back to Forks soon after she and Jasper arrived at the cabin. Instead, she was more content on hiding away with the blonde vampire who had not only stolen her heart, but who repaired all of the broken pieces of it as well.

The night before, the two of them had attended the fair in the center of town. Because of all of the sugar Bella ingested both at the fair with the cotton candy and the natural sugar from the fruit platter that Jasper had arranged for her when they returned, she couldn't fall asleep quite so easily. Rather, she could not seem to drift off as early as she usually did. Her sleep, as most had been recently with Jasper beside her, was peaceful and dreamless; it simply had come later in the night. The result was a later start in the day for the two of them. When she had awoken, it was the afternoon, but that didn't mean that there was any rush. Instead, it had been a fairly lazy beginning. The two of them cooked her breakfast together and she brought it to the couch to eat so she could curl up beside him as she enjoyed it. There had been some debate on what their plans were that day but eventually, both of them agreed that it would be a nice day to take a walk. Though they had taken a few since they'd arrived at the cabin, it didn't seem to bother either one of them to be doing so again. Bella loved the fresh air and the temperature in the surrounding area. It wasn't hot by any means. In fact, she was quite comfortable in a pair of jeans and a short-sleeved button down shirt without needed a jacket to accompany it. It was perfect.

Then again, the perfection simply could have been the company.

As they explored the terrain, she and Jasper talked about nothing in particular – just whatever topic came up. They spoke about the idea of her going to college for the most part, but didn't dwell in any serious contemplation regarding it. Bella expressed that for now, she was content in not attending and that it was for certain that she would take at least a semester off. She explained, though, that Charlie was really wanting her to go, even if it was just in Seattle. The idea of school was much different now when she could hardly imagine spending a day apart from Jasper anymore. There would be no way she could have gone somewhere that he was unable to go too, or at least, be able to travel to easily. With the still ever-present threat of Victoria and the newborns, that was another flaw in the college plan. Either way, Bella concluded that she still had time before deciding anything.

They were still talking about it when the conversation was interrupted by a very unexpected visitor. The weather. What started out as being a fairly bright day above the thick canopy of woods changed when dark clouds rolled in. They hardly even had a chance to darken the sky before breaking and unleashing such a downpour of rain that it was difficult for Bella to see. With Jasper's guidance, she held onto his hand as the two of them ran back to the cabin. Of course they had to go a bit slower considering she did not mix well with maneuvering quickly on uneven ground, but he was patient with her, even though the rain was not letting up. By the time they reached the cabin, the both of them were soaked through to the bone. It was much like the scenario when they first decided to pick up everything and leave when they were back at their carousel. But as they pushed open the door and stood just inside, soaking wet, Bella couldn't help but to laugh. It had been such an unexpected turn of events considering how things started out, but it didn't seem like anything could dampen her mood when she was with Jasper. This was just another example of how true that was.

"Why didn't you tell me we were going swimming today?" she teased with a grin, reaching up to playfully tug on one of the wet curls that touched his forehead.

Even dripping wet, Jasper looked flawless. Though this was not the first time she'd seen him this way, it still never failed to leave her in awe.

* * *

It was a mutual understanding between them that returning to Forks was inevitable. It wasn't something they ever spoke about, but they both knew they had to go back. Regardless of how much this place had become another haven for them, the looming danger that threatened their families and their own state of being was always there, even just in the slightest flicker of a thought in the back of their minds. They had to go back, even if it was just to help eliminate the danger and then return to this place. They could never _truly _exist peacefully together as long as the threat was there. Jasper knew that he himself posed a threat to her just by being near her, but he also knew that he would take extreme measures against himself before he harmed her or tried to harm her again. There was no greater danger to her than himself, but there was also no one else who could protect her the way he could.

It was known to them both that they were going to have to pack up and go sooner rather than later. Jasper didn't say anything about it because he knew she knew it too. He also felt that they would just _know _when the time came. It wasn't today, though, so they'd decided to take a walk after a leisurely breakfast for her. It seemed like a very good idea at the time, and proved to be so as they walked through the woods. Jasper had grown to know them very well since arriving to the cabin because of his hunting. He'd been very careful to go more often than he normally would have since they were alone up here. Jasper wanted to take every precaution he could to ensure her safety. Since he'd been going into the woods quite often, he knew the least hazardous paths for them to take to lessen the possibility of her tripping. Even if she did, he'd be right there to catch her, but he wanted her to enjoy herself and not worry about any accidents.

The one thing he couldn't prevent from happening was the weather. The sky didn't even give them a warning before it opened up and the rain began pouring down. Jasper only managed to feel two drops of water before the deluge of water spilled from the sky. He tried to shield Bella as best he could, but it wasn't easy with the intensity of the rain what it was. He would've picked her up and carried her, but there really wasn't a sense of _urgency_. While the rain was cold, it was actually a little humorous that they were caught in it. The whole way back they were laughing, trying to avoid huge puddles that were already forming on the ground.

Once they were inside, it was blatantly obvious that they were completely drenched. Jasper chuckled at Bella's joke. "I was trying to be spontaneous," he said. "You know, keep you on your toes. I wouldn't want you to get bored with me."

He grinned a little as she played with one of his curls, then shook some of the water out of his hair. He was no stranger to this sort of thing - though he admittedly hadn't been in a position to be caught in a downpour recently, other than their day at the fairgrounds - before he became "civilized" in his world, he didn't have a place to retreat to and mostly lived outside anyway. The cold rain never bothered him, obviously; it was just annoying. The cold still didn't bother him, but he knew it wouldn't be good for her to be soaked to the bone.

"I'll put these clothes in the dryer, if you want to go warm up in the shower. We can bring the blanket down here and watch a movie if you'd like."

* * *

The rain had been more of an enjoyable thing as opposed to anything else. Of course, neither of them had been planning for it or else they would have to change their plans for a walk around the woods, but Bella wasn't put out by the fact that the day took a sudden turn of events. It didn't seem like Jasper was either judging by the way he laughed right along with her as they made a hasty escape back to the warm cabin.

It was warm, yes. But the rain had not been quite so forgiving. Instead, it was the type that, while although fun to be caught in, was responsible for getting people sick. She was the only one in any danger of this, but Bella didn't particularly like the idea of spending the last leg of their trip stuck in bed. It wouldn't be so bad, actually, but if she was sick it was guaranteed that she would have trouble breathing and would either be coughing or sniffling or both. That was hardly a romantic way to spend time in bed with Jasper.

Anything that put off the idea of being close to him was something that the brunette ruled out. She was constantly thinking of excuses to be closer if anything. Jasper didn't seem to mind this and if she were to go off of the emotions that she could feel radiating from him when they _were_ close, it meant that Bella had nothing at all to be concerned about. When he suggested that she go take a shower in order to warm up, she hesitated before agreeing with him. It would be necessary for her to do so, but it would mean that the two of them would be separated. While she _could _deal with being away from him for short periods of time, Bella didn't particularly prefer it. At least, not on this last minute vacation of theirs. There was a solution, however. For this particular situation in any case.

Jasper might not have needed to take a shower in order to warm his skin, but that didn't mean he had to avoid it either. Bella imaged that he would still probably want to clean up after being soaked by the unexpected downpour. It seemed like a shame that if their destination was ultimately the same that they took different routes to get there. There was the option of saving time and forgoing separation if they would just get into the shower together. That would solve the problems that the rain had provided them with and more than that, it would take their relationship to a new level. It was for that reason that Bella felt somewhat shy in speaking up about this idea. Of course they had been a bit intimate before. Increasingly so. But this act would mean that they would be shedding inhibitions along with their clothes and even though it was something that Bella _very _much desired, it didn't mean that she wouldn't feel somewhat nervous in suggesting it.

Yet, because it was something that she truly wanted, an idea that she wholly supported for what it would mean, nerves were pushed below the surface and instead, there was a sort of playful confidence that took precedence. Playful, perhaps, but when Bella spoke, she did so with a serious tone that allowed him to know that she was not joking with what she was suggesting.

"You need to warm up too, don't you?" she asked, linking her arms around his neck slowly. "I would hate to run up the water bill for Carlisle when there's a more resourceful option," she said, brushing her fingertips along the nape of his neck. "Come with me."

* * *

If Bella had by chance fallen ill from their stint in the rain, it would not have ruined things. Jasper didn't ever want her to get sick, of course, but if she had, he would've just taken care of her. He would've been an excellent cold compress should she spike a fever, and he could be close to her to tend to her without catching whatever illness she came down with. He was hoping that they'd gotten inside and would be able to warm her up and dry her off before it came to that point, but should something like that arise, they'd manage. He could've even had Carlisle overnight them some medicine if she needed it. He thought they probably got inside quick enough not to warrant illness, but just to make sure, he wanted her to warm up right away.

Bella words threw him a little. Jasper had been expecting her to agree and head on upstairs to shower and change. Instead, she closed the small gap between them and slide her arms up around his neck. He could sense her playful mood, but there was something else underlying within it. He'd felt it from her before, and he was sure he'd felt it himself too. He didn't necessarily need to warm up, though cleaning up had crossed his mind. Being the gentleman he was, he would not have suggested taking a shower together; he wasn't opposed, but he would not have wanted to make her feel like she had to agree to something she wasn't ready for, or assume anything of the sort.

Bella, however, apparently wanted similar things to what he was thinking about. Clearly, the water bill wasn't something that would put a dent in the Cullens' wealth. That wasn't what this was about, and they both knew it. It was amusing though, how she was trying to get them both into the shower. Really, all she had to do was ask and he would have probably complied. The only hesitation he had was his own insecurity. He should've been over it by now; she'd seen him shirtless on more than one occasion, they'd even talked about his scars in depth and she'd reassured him again and again. But it would probably be something that would plague him forever; just another punishment for his sins. It maybe shouldn't have bothered him so much with Bella, because after all, she couldn't even see them unless he was under harsh lighting or in the sun. But that just made it even worse, really. She _couldn't _see them, so it made him feel like he was deceiving her when all she saw was the camouflage.

Looking down into her eyes, he couldn't possibly say no to her. He still felt uneasy, but he wanted this closeness and intimacy too. It would be taking their relationship to an even more intimate level than they'd ever ventured into, though he wasn't assuming anything in regards to where it might lead. As far as he knew, they were just going in there to warm up together. However, he was not naive enough to believe that there would be no factors that could lead it elsewhere.

Jasper nodded his head and leaned down to touch his lips to hers, kissing her softly once, before he took one of their hands and laced the fingers, then walked to the winding stairs with her.

* * *

Bella could feel some insecurity, bur rather than assuming that it was coming off of Jasper, she felt like it was her own. She had instigated this now and he agreed to it. She knew before she suggested it what it would mean if the two of them took a shower together. Even if the exact outcome was not a definite thing, all arrows were pointing in the same direction. It was a direction that Bella was so torn about. On one hand she was incredibly nervous. Everything was a new experience with Jasper, new territory that hadn't been touched before. She was the one lacking in the experience whereas for him, this was more familiar. On the other hand, her body ached to be close to his and even the possibility for intimacy caused her to be attracted to the idea of being closer.

When he took her hand, she followed to the steps, still holding onto his fingers with one hand carefully as she ascended the staircase. It likely wasn't the best idea for Bella to not pay attention to where she was walking, especially when the steps wound up to the loft area, but she was so fixated on Jasper at the moment that it was difficult to pay attention to much if anything else at all.

She did, however, use the time to give herself something of a pep talk. This was what she wanted – there was absolutely no question of that. Bella didn't want to ruin everything by being awkward and nervous. Such was not at all a recipe for passion. Aside from that, the last thing she wanted to do was to cause Jasper to worry. It was sweet that he held such concern for her, but when it was unnecessary such as in this situation, then she wanted to avoid it.

Bella turned to meet his eyes when they were both at the top of the stairs. Again, it was not at all the best idea for her not to be completely conscious of where she was walking, but she couldn't stand it any longer. She wanted to look at him, wanted to assess how he was feeling by means of meeting his eyes with her own. Still turned, she began to move backwards. If she were in danger, he would have steered her in the proper direction, but because the shower was not very far, it was fair to assume she could manage without making a mess of her limbs and reiterating why it was that she was considered to be such a klutz. Her eyes were fixated on the lingering gold found within his, lips parting slightly in anticipation as she kept a hold on his hand and walked back to the shower.

Once there, she used her free hand to reach in and turn on the faucet, taking her eyes away from Jasper's regretfully in order to see what she was doing. When she was satisfied that her adjusting of the knobs had given her a comfortable warm temperature, she pulled the lever for the shower. Instantly the water started streaming, heat coming from the cascade. Turning back to him, Bella met his eyes again. As she did, her hand finally left his fingers so that it, along with her other one, could move to the front of his shirt. Running her hands down his chest, brown eyes followed her fingers now as they traced back up, exploring how his body felt over the fabric before they started to slowly unbutton the soaked garment.

Her hands were shaking slightly, but Bella prayed he wouldn't notice. It didn't seem to affect her managing to get the shirt undone however. It was done slowly – there wasn't a need to rush this. At the last one, she pushed the tiny circle through the slot, letting the shirt fall open. As it did, her hands moved back up his chest, now bare and cool to her touch. When her fingers reached his shoulders, they pushed the top off altogether, pulling it down his arms.

"Is that better?" she whispered.

* * *

Jasper was trying very hard to keep his insecurities guarded, but he knew he would only be able to do it to an extent. He hoped it would not make her feel as though he did not want to be close to her, or just that he was having doubts. That wasn't the case at all; it was the same thing that they'd hashed out before on more than one occasion. Jasper couldn't get past his scars, because they were always there. It wasn't something he could ever look beyond when they were always staring him in the face every time he saw his reflection, or just looked down at his own hands. He could never ask her to look beyond them, either, whether she could see them or not.

He wanted to tell her 'yes,' that having his soaked, clinging shirt off felt better. It did, but being exposed did not. Her warm fingers felt incredible against his skin, but as they passed over the raised skin he was reminded of what she was touching. Jasper didn't know what to say or what to do. He did not want this moment to become something it did not have to be. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable, or make her feel as though he didn't like her touch. That wasn't it at all. He felt soothed and loved every time Bella ghosted her fingertips over him, whether it be a brush of her thumb or a loving caress.

"It will be much better once you've warmed up," he said, answering honestly.

He did offer a smile though and gently started to unbutton her shirt too. While he didn't want to move too fast, he knew they needed to get her out of those soaked clothes. He worked the buttons with nimble fingers, unbuttoning each of them. He mimicked her actions, only he did not touch her skin the way she'd touched his. It wasn't that he didn't want to; Jasper just didn't want to make her colder than she already must have been. He removed the shirt and let it drop near his. He kissed her forehead, then lightly ran his fingers through her damp hair.

As steam started to creep around the edges of the room, Jasper felt the temperature within the room rise. He slid his hands down to the button at the waistband of her jeans. He unfastened it, then unzipped them. His actions were cautious; he'd never done that before, as she'd been wearing a dress in the hot tub. He gave them a gentle push down, but did not take them all the way down. That would be up to her to do. He moved to kiss her then, lightly pressing his lips against hers. He wanted to wrap his arms around her, but he refrained because he knew his embrace would feel icy. When he pulled back, he smiled a bit shyly and looked down.

"I can turn my back, if you'd like."

* * *

In a way, Bella wished she _could _see Jasper's scars. At least, she wanted him to be able to see that she could acknowledge them. Maybe if they were visible to her eye, he would have been more convinced that they didn't bother her. She told him so before, and in the ways she touched him, she thought it would be obvious. But they were such an insecurity for him. She understood that and thus, couldn't blame him for having them be worrisome for him. Bella had insecurities as well and soon enough, they would begin to show. But because she was more concerned with the way he was feeling at the moment, there wasn't such an emphasis on those.

At least, not until he looked down when he said that he would turn around if she wanted before him to. It was a considerate thing for him to say and something that Bella truly did appreciate. But at the same time, by speaking just then, it ignited a fleet of nerves within her. What was she supposed to say? Would it be less embarrassing if she said yes? Less embarrassing for who exactly? Did he not want to see what she looked like without _all _of her clothes on? That would have been foolish considering he agreed to the idea of taking a shower with her to begin with. That being the case, Bella shouldn't have been so nervous to take her clothes off. After all, she'd started undressing him in the same manner.

Shaking her head, she let go of him in order to push her jeans the rest of the way down her hips. When they were around her ankles, she toed off her shoes and kicked them away along with the offending garment. That hadn't been so bad, but then again, all of this was something that Jasper had seen before in the hot tub. Or at least, he had somewhat. The water had done a lot to conceal her body. She could feel heat rushing to her skin, not just in her cheeks, but all over. For being chilled by the rain, she was suddenly very flushed at the idea of being naked in front of him.

Bella bought a bit more time by fixating her attention on his jeans before removing any more of her own clothing. Hands moving to the catch, she managed to get it open despite how increasingly shaky her fingers had become by that point. The zipper was next and she couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes until she had pushed the denim over his hips and let it fall to his feet. After that, the brunette knew she just had to take a breath and be a little bit brave.

Her lower lip was snagged by her teeth, a sure sign that she was nervous despite her courageous actions when she reached back and unclasped her bra. The fabric became loose around her shoulders and slipping it down her upper arms, she let it fall to the ground amongst the small pile that was growing at their feet. If she stopped there, Bella feared she wouldn't have been able to remove the rest of the material covering her and thus, with another breath, she hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her panties and slowly slid them down her hips herself. Her eyes remained away from Jasper's until that point. Looking up at him, she took a step closer to reach up and give him a chaste kiss to his mouth.

She only hoped he didn't misinterpret her nerves as meaning she didn't want this. On the contrary, the feelings she housed aside from nerves were boiling within her - passion, want, desire.

* * *

Bella need not worry about his misinterpreting her nerves. Jasper understood feelings probably better than anyone else. Though he could feel she was nervous, he could also feel all of those other emotions as well - her desires, wants, and her passion. It was understandable that she was nervous about what they were doing. She was a young woman, and this was something she'd nerve done before. If she _hadn't_ been nervous, then he would have worried or thought something was wrong.

Jasper still wasn't entirely comfortable with himself in this situation. He still had so many insecurities about his body and about his thirst. The only ting that was stronger within him, was his love for Bella. He truly did love her, and desire came along with that. It should have been no secret to her that Jasper found her attractive. They didn't necessarily ever really talk about this sort of behavior, but they had been much more liberal in their touching and kisses as of late. He was kissing her now, and though it was chaste, she would be able to feel his passion for her within it.

He wanted to _touch _her.

Bella had unclothed herself completely, and Jasper found her to be even more beautiful than he imagined. He hadn't been able to look at her for long, but he'd gotten a nice glance at her body before she kissed him. He still wasn't touching her, though. He did not want to make her cold, though he could tell her skin was flushed. He couldn't resist much longer, though, and finally he did allow his fingertips to ghost down over her sides to her hips. They strayed, however, and while they were kissing he brought his hands to his boxer briefs and he pushed them down. Once they were at his ankles, he toed off his shoes, then stepped out of his jeans and his undergarment.

Was he afraid? No.

Insecure? Yes.

But he was also happy, because the two of them were sharing something very, very intimate. This was a display of how much they trusted each other. They were allowing themselves to be very vulnerable in the other's presence, and sharing their bodies with each other in a way they had not yet done before. Jasper would not take that for granted. He parted from the kiss and gently took her hand, leading her to the shower. He opened the large glass door which allowed more steam out to fill the room and escorted her inside.

* * *

The water seemed to work some sort of magic. While it was true that she was still nervous and probably would continue to be so for quite some time, even after this night was over, Bella seemed to relax significantly when the warm water poured over her skin. The chill from the rain was completely eliminated now and the hot shower mingled with the way that her skin was already flushed caused her to forget that she had ever been cold in the first place. Already, she could feel the difference in the way Jasper's hand felt in hers, another fact that she attributed to the effects of the water.

The relaxation allowed for her to focus more on her company and less on the things that were holding her back, or at least, those that had shown some potential for doing so. When they were inside the glass, Bella didn't seem to have any trouble meeting his eyes any longer. Of course, the water did make it somewhat more difficult, but that was easily fixed with some slight adjustment of her body. Closer to his.

Her actions were still slow, but Bella was more confident in them. She wanted to touch him. Her hands moved up his arms, over his shoulders and to the back of his neck. There, her fingers twined in his hair, twisting among the wet curls. Stepping closer allowed her body to fully come into contact with his own, skin to skin with nothing standing as a barrier in between. The feel of Jasper's naked flesh pressed against hers elicited a soft sound from her lips.

The shower had done its intended job. He felt warmer to her, the usual chill of his skin muted by the hot water. It was how it had been in the hot tub, but yet, everything seemed to feel different, newer somehow, like Bella had never touched Jasper intimately in any way before this. It was exciting considering it ignited a spark that would never seem to dull no matter how familiar they became with one another or how much time passed between them. Bella had faith in that. She had faith in the fact that her feelings would _never _fade for Jasper. This would never go away. And Bella would not have had it any other way.

It was she who initiated another kiss. It had a soft pretense, chaste like the one that she'd given him just before he led her behind the glass door of the shower. But that didn't last long. Her lips moved against Jasper's in a way that made it clear that she wanted him there, pressed against her. Her hands made it a bit more clear in case her kiss wasn't doing a good enough job. It was hard to keep them from exploring his bare skin, especially when the temperature of it was altered from what she was normally accustomed to. Bella's hands slipped from his neck, moving to his cheeks to steady his face while she kissed him firmly, before they moved to start exploring every inch of his upper body and torso.

* * *

Jasper let her stand beneath the warm water by herself at first, letting it wash over her and hopefully warming her body up. He did keep hold of her hand, not wanting to let go of her. She seemed a bit more relaxed, and he hoped that was because she wasn't freezing cold anymore. He still looked only at her face for now; though she seemed relaxed, Jasper did not want to make her feel self-conscious because he was looking at her body. There was no need for her to be self-conscious or shy - she was beautiful - but he knew Bella, and he knew she didn't like to be gawked over. He kept his eyes on hers, and did not stray.

He watched as she moved closer, and Jasper did as well. The span of the shower was large and as they shifted, it allowed him under the water as well. He knew he would feel warmer, what with the water and the steam, so he didn't hesitate when their bodies came into contact. It still drew a gasp from his lips, as he was always a bit overwhelmed when they touched so intimately. He still kept his eyes on her face as he felt her hands sliding up his arms an over his shoulders. He closed them as he felt her fingers curl into the hair at the back of his head. The sound she made as their bodies pressed together drew another from him.

The only thing that could overwhelm Jasper more than the incredible feeling of having her body pressed to his were the feelings he could sense coming from her. Her emotional state was directed at him, full of love and desire. It seemed too good to be true, how this beautiful young woman who he loved so very much could possibly have similar feelings to his own. He didn't deserve it, but he would treasure that feeling. It would never fade for him, either. He would love Bella for his eternity, no matter what.

Jasper met her lips in the gentle kiss she initiated. He wanted very much to deepen the intensity, but he was letting Bella call the shots here. He wanted to make sure she knew that they were not going to do anything she was not ready to engage in. It seemed Bella was ready for far more than he anticipated, as was evident in the way the kiss evolved. He made a muffled sound against her lips as she deepened it and Jasper matched the depth easily. Her hands, as always, felt like fire as they slid over his cheeks, then started running over his upper body. He finally let his own slide over her again, trailing down her sides, then up her back into her hair. He was still nervous, but more than anything now he just wanted to be touching her everywhere. Jasper let his fingers slide down to her hips, massaging her there gently before he let them roam Bella's body until one ended up at the small of her back and the other was gently rubbing along her side.

* * *

Bella felt that all too familiar dizzy feeling starting to return when he kissed her back. It was something she never minded – feeling lightheaded when she was with Jasper. It wasn't the same type of wooziness that would come if she encountered blood or something else that make her feel sick, but rather, this was different. It was a dizziness she loved. It didn't hurt that it was never a question of her safety either. She was never in danger of letting her sudden feelings of weightlessness cause her harm, not when she was in Jasper's arms. It was a constant comfort when she was around him. He always had a way of making her feel safe without making her feel incapable. That was something that Bella appreciated more than he would ever know.

When he moved his mouth against hers and his hands started to move along her skin, it was that much more difficult to not be consumed in the moment. Her hands paused in their exploration of his chest in order to move to his waist. They stilled, but only because their current fixation was pulling him closer to her. And she did. It was amazing how differently they were built and yet, how perfectly they seemed to fit together. It was just like the way their hands worked. Every place that Bella had a soft curve, Jasper had a hard line. They simply fit. That alone was enough to mesmerize her.

The only downside to the differences between them was probably her height in comparison to his. He never made her have to stretch up too high or uncomfortably at all before he would lean down and meet her halfway. But in times like these when Bella was driven by her need to be as close to him as possible, it would have been a benefit if she was just a little bit taller. Regardless, she stood on her toes, letting her hands leave his sides in order to wrap around his neck once more. That allowed her to have a bit more direction with moving her lips against his.

* * *

Jasper felt the same way, or at least, the equivalent to what being dizzy for a human would be for a vampire. For him, it was probably more of a rush of sensations coursing through his body. When he kissed Bella, he felt _warm _inside, which was an entirely new experience for him. Warmth was usually lost on vampires; he hadn't even remembered what being warm felt like until he got close to Bella. There was nothing quite like kissing her. He could only hope that by being under the hot water as he'd been in the hot tub, that his skin wouldn't be so icy for her. From what he could tell, she seemed comfortable.

Like Bella, Jasper was starting to get caught up in the moment, too. There were so many temptations fueled by his desire for her, his love and his passion. As her hands traveled down to his waist, it only further drove his desire. Jasper pulled her flush against him unable to help it. It was indeed very fascinating how well they fit together - remarkable, even. By all accounts, they should have been awkward when they laid against each other, not nearly so comfortable.

Jasper lowered down a little so she would not have to reach up so high for him in order to hold onto the kiss. He started tracing her curves with his hands as hers slid up around his neck again. He _wanted_ her, and it was becoming more and more evident the longer they touched. She would be able to feel that, both literally and through his power, and it would become more apparent if she kept kissing him like that. Jasper whispered her name against her lips and slid one hand into her hair. The other remained at her hip.

"I love you," he murmured, and broke away from the kiss, only to press his lips to her neck. He usually avoided that particular area, but at the moment he simply could not help but kiss her there.

* * *

There were what felt like a million butterflies unleashed within Bella's stomach when Jasper pulled her fully against him. Their wings set off with such intensity when he spoke against her lips. Even the way he said her name just then in that whispered tone amazed her. Bella never cared much for her name. It was neither something she loved, nor she hated either way. Of course she preferred just 'Bella' as opposed to her full given name, but even the abridged version never had any cause to get her excited. But when he said it, Bella fell in love with it. Though her name was said a hundred times by a hundred people on any given day, it would never sound the same as when Jasper said it. And it most certainly would not have the same effect.

The same went for 'I love you.'

That was a phrase that was not uttered as often as a name, but that was because it meant something special. It was true that Bella thought there were many people who threw the phrase around too carelessly, not even meaning it when it was said. There were many who used it for desperation, a last resort, or even an easy way out of a seemingly impossible situation. But to her, it was something that couldn't be taken lightly. Family aside, Bella had only said those words to two people before, one of whom she was with now and would be, if she had anything to do with it, for the rest of her life. Even though it was not a common utterance, she would be content in telling Jasper a thousand times a day. It would never be said with anything but complete legitimacy. Not one time that she would say it would be because of any other reason than it was the truth and she wanted to be sure of the fact that he was never in doubt of her feelings for him.

Turning her face to nuzzle his cheek and lean her lips near his own ear, Bella returned the sentiment. "I love you too," she whispered.

It was necessary for her to tighten her grip on him when Jasper started kissing her neck. The sensation was unlike anything she could describe. The contrast of his cold mouth moving against her heated skin was electrifying in and of itself, but the fact that it was on her neck heightened the feeling. It was a particularly sensitive area and one that caused instant chills to run down her spine when paid attention to. Such an effect was occurring as his lips touched the heated flesh there, making her shiver despite the hot water temperature. She couldn't help but to lean her head slightly to the side, allowing him better access to the area to assure Jasper that he knew she liked what he was doing.

And because she liked what he was doing, her body showed it by reacting naturally. Their close proximity allowed for her to become very aware of how he was feeling in every sense. One of her hands, like his, moved into his hair, threading through the wet curls and twisting them around her fingers. His hair was one of Bella's favorite parts about him – though it didn't seem fair to pick favorites considering how fond she was of _every_ bit of him – and she liked to toy with it whenever she could. She had discovered long ago that Jasper seemed fond of her doing so as well and if it made it feel good, Bella was all too happy to oblige him.

Her other hand traveled down his back, following the stream of water that ran down the dip of his spine until it reached his lower back. Perhaps they ventured a bit _too _long to be completely innocent, but Bella couldn't help herself. She couldn't get enough of him. Not only that, but those not-so-innocent fingers applied pressure to his skin so she could bring their hips together. It might have been difficult to move him considering he had such a sure stance, but even if he didn't budge, that did not mean she couldn't bring herself closer in the process.

It wasn't long before her lips grew impatient. As much as she loved the way his felt against her skin, Bella couldn't wait any longer before she dipped her chin and turned her face to catch his mouth in another kiss, emitting a satisfied groan upon doing so and therefore sedating her craving.

* * *

Like Bella, Jasper was not one to say he loved someone unless he truly, genuinely meant it. Having the ability to feel others' emotions for what they truly were as well as his own gave him a better understanding of what specific emotions really felt like. He knew when others were being superficial, and during his long life he'd heard couples professing their love for one another and sometimes it made him cringe because he knew they didn't really mean it. It almost offended him because he took emotions so personally - especially love, which he valued most of all. He knew that whatever emotions he was feeling, Bella would feel them too, so Jasper would never have told her he loved her if he didn't mean it.

The most wonderful part of all of that was that he _did_ truly love her. That allowed him to tell her so as much as he wanted. Jasper did not say it every second of everyday, but he hoped she could feel it from him all the time both through his power and through his actions. He could feel it coming from her in everything she did. Maybe it was his power, but he really just thought it was because Bella was so genuine in her emotions that it seemed impossible to him _not _to know that she loved him. When her words reached him, he smiled against her neck as she whispered her love for him.

Jasper knew he would love her forever and that alone was enough for him.

He focused his affections on her neck. It was relatively uncharted territory for him because Jasper often feared of himself going near her pulse points, and being within biting distance of an area where there was a tremendous amount of blood flow. Much to his surprise, he did not feel anymore than the usual burn in his throat that came along with his thirst. It was a little more intense, yes, but a lot of that had to do with the rush of emotions within him and the physical sensations he could feel on the outside as well. It wasn't anything he couldn't handle, though. Not at this point, at least.

Jasper kissed along the length of her neck, tracing his lips over the gentle curve. Bella might not have liked to be considered fragile or breakable, and Jasper tried very hard not to subject her to feeling that way, but he was always very delicate in how he handled her. That _wasn't _because of her being breakable. It was because he was a gentleman. He treated her with care because he loved her and respected her so much. He moaned softly against her warm skin as he felt her fingers twisting into his hair. His scalp was one of his tender spots, and feeling her warm fingers against it was enough to make him melt. If Bella ever wanted to turn him into putty in her hand, all she had to really do was massage his scalp.

As her hand traveled down his body, his hands continued to roam hers. He was careful not to venture too far, though he really wanted to touch her everywhere. Jasper opened one eye as he felt her hand slide a little lower than he anticipated to his rear end. It made him grin just a little and he playfully tickled her side, before returning to touching her sensually. He nuzzled into her neck and then lifted up just in time to meet her lips in a deep kiss. As he did so, one of his hands slid up to lightly brush his thumb over her breast. He groaned at the feeling, then cupped the left one with his hand. He hoped that was all right with her. Jasper pulled back enough to open his eyes and look down at her, his hand sliding away from her breast to rest against her lower back with his other.

"Are you warmer now?" he whispered, and started kissing along her neck again.

* * *

Jasper's power really could have been either a blessing or a curse. If there was something she wanted to conceal, then it would more on the latter side, considering he would be able to see right through her if she attempted to keep something from him. Bella would never do that of course, unless it was a special circumstance. For example, when she wanted to be brave. Especially with the situation with Victoria and the newborns, it was important that she at least attempt to appear courageous in such a situation. Otherwise, Jasper would worry more than he already was. Because she certainly didn't want that to occur, it was a case in which she would try to mask what she was truly feeling. But that was a rare thing and even when it did happen, usually, Jasper could tell she was lying anyway. In every other situation, she let him know what she was feeling freely. Or rather, she made no means to hide it. The rest came naturally, especially when it came to her love for him. That was something that she couldn't hide even if she wanted to. But luckily, there would never be a need to do such a thing.

The danger of his thirst was something that Bella didn't think about as often as she should have perhaps. It was not as if she doubted him by any means – Bella was fully confident in the fact that he would never hurt her, not by this point. Even if he would ever be tempted to do such a thing, she truly couldn't hold him responsible when she wholly knew what their relationship entailed as far as potential risk was concerned. He would only be acting how he was designed to in the same manner that she would be naturally inclined to defend herself. With this mindset, most people would think Bella to be crazy, to be okay with the potential idea of her becoming his meal. But she didn't care about what other people thought. They would never understand her relationship with Jasper, nor did she even want them to. The two of them did and in the end, there was nothing else that mattered.

She laughed when he tickled her side, squirming a bit. By now, Jasper seemed to know all of her ticklish spots, even those that weren't usually visible to others. Then again, Bella didn't let very many people touch her closely enough to warrant a risk of being tickled to begin with. His playful touch soon turned into a more risky one, however, when his fingers found her breast. Instinctively, she pressed herself forward against him and she couldn't deny another soft sound leaving her lips.

When he pulled away from the kiss, she met his eyes upon opening her own. That look alone was enough to make it harder for her to breathe. The steam surrounding them wasn't helping either and when he asked if she was warmer, Bella noticed how truly warm she actually was. Too warm, almost. The things he was doing to her with his sensual kisses and touches caused for her temperature to rise naturally, but added with the heat from the water and she was bordering uncomfortable now.

"Sweltering," she admitted, pressing against him closer to find some relief from the heat. Because his skin was warmed from the shower as well, it wasn't the same effect as it would have had normally.

Reaching around him, she took the liberty of turning off the water. Instantly, she felt a little bit better, especially when she opened the glass door and let out a flood of steam. Cooler air from the outside greeted them, even where they stood still inside. But now there was also a slight awkwardness that greeted them as well, or at least, that introduced itself to Bella.

She knew one thing was for sure – she didn't want to stop touching him, didn't want to put an end to exploring his body. But she was unsure of Jasper's thoughts on the matter and therefore didn't know what to say. For a moment, she met his eyes before wrapping both of her arms around his back to embrace him. Not only did it let him know she wasn't ready to part with him, but his cooler skin felt good against hers.

"Are you tired?" she asked finally.

It was another way of asking him indirectly what he thought about going to bed with her. But it only took a second for her to realize that her question, however unassuming it may have ended up sounding, was irrelevant considering his lack of sleeping abilities. Her cheeks flushed, but this time from shy humiliation and not from the water temperature. Giggling softly, she buried her face into his chest.

"You know what I meant," she said.

* * *

Her body had indeed warmed up considerably, he noted, as she pressed tightly up against him. Jasper had gotten used to her normal body temperature and its accompanying warmth. Currently, she was much warmer, as she'd been in the hot tub and maybe even warmer than that because the air inside the shower was not the same as the cool night air that had surrounded them when they were outside. He slid his arms around her completely, wrapping her up in his embrace and laying his head on top of hers briefly, if nothing else then to relieve the sweltering feeling she'd described.

Once the water was off, he loosened his hold. He didn't want to undo everything the shower had done for her by making her cold again. Bella, it seemed, did not want him to let go of her seeing as how she did not back away from him. Jasper was glad of this, because he certainly did not want to stop touching her either. But, he also knew that Bella a lot of the time put her comfort level beneath her immediate wants and what she thought were his wants too. He wished he could do something about that, but that was just Bella, and actually something else they had in common. It was endearing and selfless, even though at times it was reckless of her. Right now, though, he knew it was because of her desires and because she just wanted to be with him. He couldn't fault her for that, especially when his feelings were the same.

Jasper smiled at her question, and felt a rush of shyness wash over her. That, too, was very endearing. Her soft laugh sounded like music to him, and he closed his eyes to lock away that precious sound in his memory. Very gently, he ran his fingers through her hair, and lightly cupped her cheek to draw her gaze back up to him. He was still smiling as he looked down at her. He didn't say anything, as was actually quite normal for someone like him. Jasper was the type who fit the 'actions speak louder than words' stereotype. He leaned down and kissed her lips very tenderly, but with an underlying sense of desire and wanting much more. When he pulled back, he kissed her forehead and brushed his thumb against her cheek.

Jasper parted from her only momentarily to fetch a few of the large, plush towels befitting of a luxury spa that he'd laid out for them once they were finished. He wrapped one of them around Bella, then handed her another for if she wanted to dry her hair or wrap up even more in it. He took one for himself and toweled off his upper body and then wrapped it around his waist for now. Once they were dry, he slid his arm around her waist and escorted her out of the steamy bathroom, which took them to their bedroom.

He did not want to seem too forward, because he knew that just about anything and everything he did would imply the obvious. What they'd just done was already taking their relationship to an entirely new, intimate level. If that was as far as she wanted things to go, that was where they would draw the line. From what he'd felt from her after she shut the water off, though, he wasn't so sure she wanted to stop.

Jasper wanted to take a bit of the lead in this situation because he knew Bella was shy, and nervous, and probably wanting to rely more on his having experience than having to initiate anything herself. He couldn't blame her; he was very shy in that regard himself. But he just couldn't put her in a position where she'd feel obligated to go through with something she wasn't ready for. He moved to the bed, but simply turned on her electric blanket. He made no move to lay down, but instead returned to her and took one of her hands. He lifted it to his lips and kissed her knuckles.

"Belle.. Are you still warm?" He whispered softly, between kisses to the back of her hand.

* * *

Bella wasn't the only one who might have had a bit of a struggle between reckless behavior and appropriate behavior under certain circumstances. When she wanted to be close to him, she didn't think about the fact that the difference in their skin's texture and temperature was working against them. She simply thought about how badly she wanted to be with him. At night when she was drifting off to sleep, she didn't think that it would probably more comfortable in the literal sense to wrap her arms around a pillow instead of Jasper's body. But for Bella, that _was _comfortable. He was comfortable.

She knew, though, that such things were not always easy for him either. It was annoying to have to be concerned with aforementioned things like temperature when in the heat of the moment, logic was normally forgotten. Jasper never forgot though. He was always so considerate of her and how she was feeling before he simply acted. That was not lost on her, but she wished she could have somehow made it easier for him. Without giving up her mortality and eliminating such problems, which was a subject they hadn't even discussed yet, she attempted to do the best that she could to ensure Jasper that she was always happy in her choices to be close to him, to be in this relationship and no other.

Even though Bella seemed to be prone to sometimes making a fool of herself, Jasper never made her feel that way. He was always so patient with her. Though she was always quick to admit to her own stupidity when she made blunders like the one she just did, he never said anything. In fact, he was always more than just understanding of it – he was sweet. He laughed too and she knew that it wasn't laughing at her, but rather with her when she acknowledged her silly mistake. Jasper's gestures were affectionate in the way he trailed his fingers through her wet hair and brought her to look up at him. His smile at that moment melted her heart and her humiliation was long forgotten. When he kissed her, it was as if it never existed and instead, this moment happened after she turned the shower off instead of another that left a blush on her cheeks. He was just such a gentleman to her. Though she knew it was because it was how he was brought up, it never ceased to amaze her, especially considering how independent she was.

His speed was always such a blessing. When she didn't want to be apart from him, especially in a moment like this, Bella was grateful that it only took him a few seconds at the maximum to return with the towels. She was greeted with warmth when he wrapped a large fluffy one around her, but unlike the heat from the shower towards the end of it, this was very comfortable. She thanked him, tucking the towel under her arms and securing it before using the other one to run through her hair a few times to dry it as best she could. When she finished, she caught a glimpse of Jasper that made her mouth instantly dry. The sight of him drying off and then standing there with the towel slung low on his hips did nothing to lessen the desire she already felt for him. It was extremely difficult to watch where she was going when he led her from the bathroom instead of watching him and eying up the positioning of that towel.

Once in the bedroom, she _did_ allow herself to look at his body when he leaned down to the bed in order to turn on her blanket. Her cheeks burned when her eyes moved over the back of his strong shoulders and down the muscles of his back. He was gorgeous – there was no other way to describe it. If his scars had been visible to her then, Jasper would have remained just as gorgeous in her eyes and for Bella, that was the honest truth whether or not he would ever choose to believe that. She was still flushed when he came to take her hand, but upon touching her, he would know that the reason for the pinkish tint no longer had anything to do with feeling embarrassed.

"Yes," she said honestly, surprised as how hushed her voice sounded without intention.

She was still very warm, both from the lingering heat from the shower and the fluffy towel, and the heat that her body provided naturally as a reaction to being around him. Her eyes couldn't leave his lips when he continued to brush them against her hand. She wanted to lay down with him, wanted to feel him laying on top of her, but Bella couldn't even get there before she had to kiss him again. It was like an addiction. Pulling her hand away from his, she brushed it against his cheek, her other hand doing the same. Standing on her toes, she pressed her lips to his. But instead of beginning the kiss gently as she had done in the shower, Bella skipped right to the passionate portion of it. Jasper would not be able to mistake what she wanted, even though lingering nerves were still present.

She wanted him. Badly. And that night, she was going to have him.

* * *

**Author's Note:** We split this into two chapters because it was very long. But don't worry! We're posting Chapter 25 shortly and we think you'll be pleased. The story from here on out is pretty much going to involve a lot of mature content, so just be aware of that as won't be posting a note before additional chapters. What did you think of that steamy impromptu shower? Not hot enough? Read on. ;)

**Lyrics:** Paperweight - Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk


	25. Chapter 25

_Settle down with me_  
_ And I'll be your safety, you'll be my lady_  
_ I was made to keep your body warm_  
_ But I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms_  
_ My heart's against your chest, your lips pressed to my neck_  
_ I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet_  
_ And with this feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now_  
_ Kiss me like you wanna be loved ;;_

It was very true that Jasper was conscientious of her needs and the differences between them. He was very careful about their vastly different temperatures. Though he was always aware of these factors, they weren't issues he made blatantly obvious. In doing so, they'd become simply second nature. He didn't have to go out of his way to remember that she should have a blanket around her when they curled up together because his body was so much colder than hers. His attentiveness to things like that had become just as instinctive as it was for him to be a gentleman towards her.

Jasper gazed at her, completely taken with her smile, her face, and all the emotions he was feeling from her. He felt so intimately connected to her, just being able to understand and feel everything that she was feeling. Though it might have been a little invasive, he saw it more as a way for them to be close to each other. They were both a little hesitant when it came to verbal confessions. While Jasper was actually very charismatic, he did clam up when it came to speaking about his feelings. That was probably because he spent so much time engulfed _in_ those feelings. It was also because Jasper believed that feelings, _true _feelings, were unable to be explained through words - they were expressed truly by just feeling them. That was what he always tried to allow Bella to feel from him, and it was how he best understood her and her state of being.

As they stood together in the room, Jasper had been momentarily uncertain of where things would lead. He did not know if Bella intended to get ready for bed as she usually did by dressing in her nightly attire and crawling into bed with him, or if what they'd just done in the shower was to be continued out here as well. He would've been lying if he said he wasn't hoping for the latter, but if she did indicate the former was to happen, he would be perfectly fine with that. He just wanted to be with her, regardless of how physically intimate they became. From what he sensed from her though, she was having the same urges he was having. She wanted the same things he wanted.

Her kiss was his confirmation. Jasper did not hesitate to wrap his arms around her and pulled her flush against him. He silently cursed the towels, as they were serving to be simply a barrier to keep their flesh from coming into contact. He knew it was helping to keep her warm, but his plan was to get her beneath her electric blanket anyway so he didn't see much harm in removing it. She was nervous, he could tell, and he was nervous too. But Jasper felt that the best way to get them both past these nerves was through experience. They would become more familiar with this sort of behavior and it wouldn't have that forbidden newness to it. As he deeply kissed her, he ran his hands up her body to where the towel was tucked and wrapped around her. He pulled it loose and let it drop to the floor. Immediately his hands found her bare sides and traced down her curves to the soft swell of her hips.

He kept her balanced as he backed her up to the bed, then in one graceful motion he had her up in his arms, cradling her against him as he drew back her heating blanket. Jasper gently laid her on the bed and touched her cheek gently with his hand, before drawing back. He was feeling a bit self-conscious, but it was only fair for him to disrobe, too. Jasper unhooked the towel from his hips, and let it fall. He crawled into bed next to her, and kissed her shoulder, then lifted his gaze to meet hers again. There was so much to be said through their gazes. His golden eyes spoke of his desire for her, his love, his adoration. Very slowly, he shifted his body over hers, bracing himself on his palms and his knees. With his passion for her rolling off of him in waves, Jasper leaned down and kissed her deeply.

* * *

It was a strange thing to feel as if she were torn between wanting to rush everything and wanting to take everything slowly. On one hand, it was difficult to keep from wanting to just rip off the towels from both of them and climbing on top of one another without a second of hesitation. That was the side that was driven by her hormones and both of their desires and wants. But on the other hand, this was something that was special. It would never happen again quite like this. There was only one time that their situation could play out in the way it was now and even if it was something to be repeated a hundred times, it would be just that – a repeat. That isn't to say it wouldn't be any less wonderful. But it wouldn't have the special feeling that came along with the fact that this was _new_.

If there was a balance, it seemed like the two of them had found it. Nothing seemed to be too fast or too slow. There wasn't enough time to lose control or to become impatient. Such was the best for Jasper and Bella for the time being, she was sure of that. She didn't feel like she was being pressured into anything that she didn't want to do, nor was she being pushed into something too quickly. She hoped that Jasper wouldn't worry about either of these things. That was one of the reasons why she was trying to be braver and to show him that she wanted him, that she wanted _this_. Her nerves were still there, but for fear that they could potentially give him the wrong impression, Bella forced them down.

It made it easier that he seemed to understand that Bella had never done this before. It wasn't that Jasper way ever disrespectful – she didn't think that was possible even if he tried to be. But he just seemed to be even _more _in tune with the fact that this was sensitive for her. Something she desperately wanted – to be closer to him in every physical way – yes, but still something sensitive. He was taking the lead and when he took the initiative to remove her towel and lay her down so gently, Bella was grateful to him. He was on the same page with her. How could she be nervous at all when he made it all seem so easy? Shifting on the bed, she made herself more comfortable while he disrobed, upon which she immediately focused all of her attention on him once more.

There wasn't much time to let her eyes linger though before he was in bed with her and then hovering over her. Bella's mouth felt dry again, but she wouldn't have changed that feeling for anything. The look they shared at that moment was one that would be burned into her memory for an eternity. His eyes were smoldering, a darker gold and utterly captivating. She knew her own gaze was something darker; that had everything to do with how badly she desired him at the moment.

When he kissed her, it was returned to him with the same passion that he set the tone with. Her hand moved to cup his cheek, the other moving further to thread through his hair which was still wet from the shower. Her fingers massaged his scalp in a soothing manner while the kiss progressed. As if did, however, it was more difficult for Bella to keep still. Her body arched slightly so she could press her skin against his, eager for the feel of his flesh. It still felt warmer to her than usual, altogether a pleasant sensation. Her hips had the most trouble remaining stationary, an action that couldn't be on account of any other reason than her hormones were kicking up upon realizing how far they'd come in their relationship physically.

Pulling back from the kiss just slightly, Bella spoke against his lips. "Jasper…" she whispered, pausing to kiss him again. It was a lingering kiss, perhaps a few moments longer than she intended before finishing her statement. "I want you."

It didn't feel out of character for her, even though Bella was typically not the type – like Jasper – to verbally speak of things that were of such intensity. But she wanted to tell him. She _wanted_ him to know, aside from what her body was saying on its own, that this was what she desired. Simply him. Her eyes were open to meet his when she spoke, but they were half-lidded, another sign of what she was feeling. The hand that had been on his cheek moved down his back to rest on his hip before she reached to kiss him again.

* * *

Jasper made a soft sound of satisfaction when she started to massage his scalp with her fingers. He absolutely loved when she did that, and he also just loved the way it felt when she played with his hair in general. Though truly, there wasn't really anything Bella did that he didn't enjoy. He wanted to turn and nuzzle her hand in appreciation for the attention he was receiving from it, but his lips were currently focused only on kissing hers at the moment. He did not have hormones as she did, but he did have his emotions and his desires. That was enough to match her passion.

He still had to be mindful not to kiss her too intensely. While he did kiss her in a way that any human would consider passionate and intense, if Jasper wasn't careful he'd crush her jaw or smash her teeth, or even suffocate her - none of which were exactly romantic. Though he had to be careful, this was also something that had become second nature to him. It wasn't something he had to think about too much. The only thing he was overly cautious to remember was to pull away before she lost her breath. It was difficult for him, as he loved kissing her and her lips tasted so sweet.

As Bella pulled back fro the kiss and whispered his name, he shivered. The way his name fell off her lips was very sensual; Jasper was sure Bella had no idea of this, because she probably was not aware of how alluring she was to him. They kissed again and Jasper did his best to let her feel how much he wanted her. Just as he'd done so, he heard her murmur that she waned him too. He had not expected her to say such a thing. It was especially alluring, and Jasper was drawn into her again as they kissed once more. Her hand slid down to his hip, and Jasper moaned against her lips. Her fingers were so warm against his skin, even with the electric blanket pressing against his back, her hands were warmer.

Jasper broke the kiss only to trail his lips down her neck. He savored what he could taste of her skin, and breathed in her scent every chance he could. It was a bit torturous, but only because he wanted her so much. _Her_, not her blood. He wasn't even _thinking_ about his thirst right now. He just wanted his Bella. His lips traveled across her collar bone very slowly, then downward to very gently kiss along the soft swell of her right breast His hands had come to rest beneath her back, just at where it arched naturally, in order to help give her a sense of security, and to keep her close.

"Mm, Belle.." he murmured, and gently kissed at the peak of her breast.

* * *

When he started kissing her neck, her eyes closed. Bella decided that it was her favorite place to be kissed by him. The skin there was so sensitive and the sensations that coursed through her body when his mouth moved against it so softly were indescribable. But her eyes opened against when his lips moved lower, over her collarbone and further still until his mouth was on her breast. If she thought the sensations were strong when he kissed her neck, they didn't even compare to the ones she felt when his kissed along the soft curve of her breast. Her back arched slightly more, aided by the way his hands situated themselves beneath her spine to rest against her skin.

Her name preceded a more intimate touch of his lips and his breath alone against her caused her body to have a reaction. The peak of her breast became more pronounced on account of the cool air hitting it. The reaction of the little nub only increased when his lips descended against it. A groan left her lips and her back arched again, pressing closer to him. She was attempting to be patient, to savor each moment, but it was becoming significantly more difficult when his mouth felt like heaven against her. The chill caused the tiny peak to harden almost painfully from the contrast with her body heat. But it was a pleasurable experience, not a painful one.

The hand in his hair twisted around the locks, but Bella was careful not to apply pressure to his head. The last thing she wanted to do was push him too quickly. Even when she could hardly think straight for how good his actions felt, she was still aware of the fact that this was difficult for him considering he had a natural instinct to kill victims that were made like Bella. He was doing remarkably and she couldn't feel any fear from him. But even still, she didn't want to risk causing a change to occur in the blink of an eye just because she couldn't control herself. Instead, the fingers moving through his hair continued to do so encouragingly, but softly. Her other hand moved from his hip to the small of his back. There, she didn't find any trouble with applying pressure and her fingers kneaded into the muscles.

Her heart was racing. She could hear it in her ears. The rise and fall of her chest at a quickened rate was another testament to how he was affecting her with every single thing he did. Her breathing was altered as well, shallower than usual. The air that was leaving and entering her mouth in quick puffs matched the way her heart was beating, although it wasn't quite up to the same speed. Jasper would be well aware of both alterations for certain, especially with his close proximity.

* * *

Jasper did of course notice the increase of speed in her heart rate. It was difficult for him, naturally, especially since he could almost sense the fact that her blood was rushing through her system at a much more intense speed as well. It made her scent even more potent to him. But Jasper had learned over his time with Bella that he could control his instinct to kill by shifting it into an instinct to protect and cherish. He _did _want her blood, but her blood was precious to him because it was a part of her, so he treasured it. The burn of his thirst was always going to be there, but the desire in his heart would always be stronger.

His lips kneaded against the peak of her breast, while his hands pressed against her back to hold her close to him. He waned her so badly, to be with her in every way he possibly could be. Jasper lifted his had, only to show the same attention to her other breast that he had the first. He hoped that by being under the warm blanket that his body wouldn't feel as cold, so as to make things more enjoyable for her. He also wanted to make sure that if they _did _go through with what he believed their intentions were, that he could please her first. He knew he had to be careful, and he knew that what they were doing was extremely dangerous for Bella. He was going to do everything he could to be cautious, but he knew that there were still many risks. Still, he knew that he loved her enough that he would protect her always, even from himself. He also knew that though they'd gone well past what should have been considered the point of no return, that if she actually did change her mind, he would be able to stop. He just loved her that much, that he'd do whatever it took to make her happy.

Jasper cold not really measure his body temperature. Since hot and cold did not really affect him, it was hard to know if he'd warmed up any, but he hoped that Bella would tell him if the cold made her uncomfortable. He knew she'd deny it from here until the end of time that she was feeling discomfort, but he hoped he'd be able to read her body signs if it was the contrary. He slid one of his hands out from under her and let it trail down over her hip and thigh. Very gently, he raised her leg to hook it around his waist. Keeping his lips against her breast, he raked his hand slowly up her inner thigh and lightly started to tease her entrance with his fingertips.

* * *

Bella was trying to be mindful of Jasper's needs and more importantly, his challenges. She knew it would be in his best interest and her own as well if she calmed down to the point where she could at least have a handle on her breathing patterns. But it was impossible. She couldn't even think straight enough to keep herself still when he continued to move his mouth over her breasts. He really had no idea what he was doing to her. Surely he could feel something, but she was convinced that Jasper wouldn't be able to feel exactly how it felt when such emotion, such sensation ran through her. He wouldn't be able to know _exactly _the way it affected her when the chill of his mouth burned against the warmth of her skin.

Her face flushed a deep shade of pink when his hand moved along her leg and coaxed it to secure around his waist. It was easy considering her body felt like clay in the manner in which it was so malleable to his touch. It was as if he knew exactly what it desired, the exact way to make her cheeks burn just a little bit more with every single brush of his fingers. When they dipped between her legs and he started to tease more intimate areas of her anatomy, Bella's muscles clenched. The leg that was around him was no exception and with the leverage that it provided, she could pull him closer while lifting her hips at the same time. It was no secret that she was eager.

The brunette didn't know how much longer she would be able to engage in foreplay. She could feel every inch of his body pressed to hers and that alone was enough to make her go insane with lust. But add in the way he was touching her, both with his fingers and his lips, and the poor girl was a hopeless case. Her pelvis continued to move against his hand, but even that wasn't enough to appease her eagerness. She needed to kiss him. As much as she didn't want him to stop what he was doing with her lips against her breast, she brought her hands gently beneath his chin to put a halt to his actions. Dipping her chin down, she shifted her body downward just slightly as well so she could reach his mouth.

But while kissing him satisfied a need, her breathing had become so erratic because of his teasing fingers that she had to pull away for a breath. Bella didn't go far though. Instead, she replaced her lips against his neck, kissing haphazard trails along the column of it. With her hands free again, they went traveling lower, one stopping on his hip opposite her leg and the other slipping around his waist to stroke his erection. Upon contact with his arousal, she groaned against his skin, an open-mouthed kiss to follow.

* * *

Jasper loved the way her body responded to his touch. It worried him most of the time that she was suffering due to the chill of his body temperature, but seeing her like this, he knew that she was far from anything that could be considered suffering. He could not feel the exact effect he had on her, physically, but emotionally he knew she was feeling pleasured. To an extent, he could tell she was enjoying herself physically; the way she was tightening her hold on him by shifting her leg against his back, the way her hands slid over his body .. the way her fingers curled around his erection.

He moaned a soft reply against her hair as her lips swept over his neck and her hand started stroking him. The heat of her hand against his arousal sent sharp jolts of pleasure coursing through his body. It made him want her more. His own fingers continued to pleasure her as well. He teased the sensitive bundle of nerves with his index finger, while his middle and ring fingers started to slip past her entrance. He could feel her own arousal as he dipped his fingers inside of her. He had to make sure she was ready for him, should they truly go through with what he thought they were heading towards. He wanted her to get as much pleasure out of this as he could give her. Especially since he knew it was likely she would not get as much out of it as he would if they progressed much further.

That thought... disheartened him a little. He closed his eyes and hid his face in her hair, but did not stop touching her. Jasper hated the idea of hurting her at all, especially when it was to give himself something that would feel pleasurable. He'd never had to worry about that before; he'd never made love to a human. He'd never even come close to that in his human life. Only a few kisses and the occasional wandering hands _above_ clothing. He was also scared that he might lose control of himself and really, _really_ hurt her - or worse. He knew he especially had a hard time with it. Loving her or not, he knew it was likely he'd lose himself, even just a little, by engaging in anything sexual with her. It'd been hard enough not to when they were in the hot tub. He was actually.. _scared_. He did not want her to know that, though. Not yet, at least.

Jasper worked his fingers inside of her, curling them as he slid them in and out of her. His other finger stroked at the tender spot just above and added a little pressure. Her hand on him felt incredible. Even if his mind had drifted slightly into his insecurities, there was no denying that she was having a tremendous physical effect on him. He kissed the top of her head and used his free hand to hold her up, arching her up against him.

* * *

Even if Jasper had to rely on just the way her body was speaking to him, she didn't think he would have any trouble reading it. Physically, there was just no way to deny what she wanted. He would have a first hand account of that when moved his fingers inside of her. It was not something Bella could exactly hide, nor could he hide the fact that he was aroused whenever she stroked him or moved his hips against his. Anatomy that was activated by desire was always hard to ignore and because they were so in tune with one another's bodies currently, there was no question that they were on the same level as each other. When he dipped his fingers in her entrance, Bella couldn't suppress another sound, a moan against the cool skin of his neck.

Because of his actions and the ones she was administering herself, she failed to notice that anything was wrong. If she would have known that Jasper was feeling apprehensive, she would have paused to make sure he was assured of the fact that he'd done nothing wrong, nor did she share the same fears he did. Bella held a lot more confidence in Jasper than he held within himself. She was fully aware of that and truth be told, she figured that Jasper knew it as well. Maybe it made him uncomfortable that she held more faith in him than he did in himself, but that didn't change the fact of the matter. He wouldn't hurt her – Bella was sure of that. And if he did for _whatever _reason, she wouldn't hold him accountable. There was sure to be a little pain involved with what they were quickly progressing toward, but that was a natural thing.

At the moment though, all Bella could register was pleasure and not one thing else. The way he curled his fingers in and out of her paired with his other finger toying with the little bundle of nerves felt incredible. That was something he wouldn't be able to doubt – how _good _he was making her feel. Too good, almost. For as aroused as she was, the excitement of this situation, and the way he continued to touch her, Bella was not going to be able to last much longer at all. She was ready. Her mouth continued to move against his neck, placing kisses every so often against the cool skin. Even with her forehead against his jaw, she felt almost feverish from the heat. While he might have worried about the cold of his skin, Bella was grateful for it. In fact, she felt a little warm the electric blanket against the leg she had around him.

With the hand she had on his hip, she grabbed the material and pulled at it, using her legs to help kick it off. It was too hot with it. Usually when she was sleeping and Jasper had his shirt of, the temperature of his skin warranted the blanket among layers of her own clothes. But this situation, though it shocked her to the extent, was so different. Once it was gone from immediate contact with her skin, Bella relaxed slightly. Or at least, as much as she could in the situation. Her leg secured again around his waist and the angle made his fingers feel electric. The pace at which she was stroking him increased when her hand wrapped around him fully. But like in the hot tub, it was hard to concentrate when his own fingers felt so good. Again, _too_ good.

"Jasper…" she all but whimpered near his ear. "Please…" She didn't want to rush, but the poor girl couldn't hold out any longer.

* * *

Jasper would have been happy just to please her, to give her all the pleasure he could give and watch the effects play out on her features. He was always fascinated with her, and how beautiful he believed her to be, but he was especially intrigued by how he could bring her such pleasures. It was especially intimate for him because not only did he see it on her face, he could feel it rolling off of her through her emotions. It was an incredibly rewarding thing for him to be able to feel everything she was feeling.

He could feel sense of readiness coming from her, and he took that to mean she was wanting to take another step in their intimacy level. Jasper wanted it too, more than he was allowing himself to believe. She was pushing him towards the brink of ecstasy too, the way she was stroking his arousal. As she pushed the blanket off, he suddenly became very aware of how their bodies were already intertwined. With the blanket on, it was more discrete; same with being in the water. Laying like this, they were exposed and it was very obvious what direction this was heading in. It made it all the more real for Jasper, and made him all the more nervous and afraid.

He groaned against her hair as the speed of her hand increased. Jasper opened his eyes as she pleaded for more. He knew she was struggling to hold onto her sanity as it was, and for the record, so was he. _That _was a big part of why he was so afraid. He could not let himself lose his focus around her. It was too risky. He gasped in a sharp breath and hid his face in her hair. Very slowly, he withdrew his fingers from her and took her hand away from his arousal by lacing their fingers. It was a way that he hoped wouldn't feel like he was rejecting her touch, but just focusing attention elsewhere. He wanted to give her what she wanted, but he was so scared of the repercussions.

"Bella," he whispered, nuzzling her hair. If she could have seen his face, it would have been very obvious that he was struggling internally with this situation. "I don't want to hurt you."

He lifted his head slowly and looked down at her. "I want this, Belle. I want to make love to you. But what if I..." he trailed off the question softly, and lowered his eyes, unable to finish.

* * *

Even before he change the pace of his actions to a stop or he could pull away from her hair long enough to speak, Bella knew things had shifted. She could feel, even amongst the strong thrashes of desire and pleasure that ran through her body with every passing second at increasing intensities, that he was worried. At least, she attributed the shift to worry when she tried to assess him before he did wind up speaking. But it wasn't only worry that he felt – fear lingered there too. Apprehension. Nerves. His fingers putting a stop to the arousing actions of his own as well as hers against him were the next clue that something wasn't right about how he was feeling about the situation.

His words were next. There, she could audibly get a confirmation that he was worried. She immediately went to open her mouth in order to silence him and assure him that she wouldn't be hurt and that there was no need to be concerned in that case. But she stopped when she met his eyes and could see everything that he'd said and that she could feel coming from him written all over his face. Her heart jumped, but it was for a reason that was different than just on account of desire. Instead, Bella felt almost… _guilty_. Once more, she was reminded how breakable and fragile she really was. She may have tried to ignore the facts but upon looking at how strained he was, how conflicted, it was impossible to ignore it. The jump her heart felt turned into a pinprick when he couldn't even finish his words before he had to trail off and avert his eyes from hers.

This wasn't supposed to be painful. This was not supposed to be a situation that brought with it any negativity. Bella was in _love_ with Jasper. Her body may have been fragile, yes. But her heart was something that had shattered so many times before that it honestly felt beyond repair. That was a far more fragile thing. But Jasper not only restored it, but he strengthened it. He not only caused it to beat again, but he caused it to beat stronger, with purpose. _He_ was its purpose, _Bella's _purpose.

She leaned up to very gently touch her lips against his. That would be the end to his sentence – he didn't need to say anything else. "Jasper," she whispered, her tone soft but resolute.

The hand that wasn't holding his lifted to cup his cheek gently, thumb brushing against his pale cheekbone. "I love you. And I _trust _you," she assured him. "Don't be afraid," she said, kissing him softly again. "We can go slow. We'll just go slow."

It was amazing. Her own fears and nerves that came as a result of this being her first time were no longer anywhere to be found.

* * *

Bella trusted him. She loved him, trusted him, wanted to be with him. He didn't deserve any of it, but he had all of this right in front of him and it was almost too much for him. This was not the first time he'd been nearly overwhelmed by her and her love for him, but it still caught him off guard sometimes and surprised him. He knew he loved her deeply, it was just overwhelming at times to feel it reciprocated, from the girl he thought had the least amount of reason to care for him. It was because he loved her so much that he lifted his gaze back up to meet hers after she reassured him and kissed him.

He very gently squeezed her hand, then rested his forehead against hers. "Okay," he whispered.

Jasper released her hand momentarily so that he could slide it down the side of her body. He secured her leg around his waist and lovingly caressed her thigh. His fingers lovingly traced patterns up to her hip, where he squeezed gently and held her against him for a moment. He turned his head and kissed her then, as his hand slid between their entwined bodies to position himself at her entrance. He had to stop kissing her for just a moment to gasp for air, as he could feel the heat from the core of her body against him. He smiled just a little.

"I love you," he murmured, then kissed her again.

He would be very slow, and very gentle with her. Jasper knew that he couldn't possibly make it completely painless. Even if he used his power, he couldn't take away the physical feelings she had. He would do everything he could to ease her into it, though, and make it as pleasurable as possible. He would do everything in his power and more to keep himself under control. Jasper could not lose it with Bella. He could not let himself hurt her. He opened up, telling her of his fears and showing her a very vulnerable side. It seemed only appropriate; what they were about to do was something that would make them both very vulnerable to each other. He hoped she would recognize that, and know that his vulnerability was a sign of his love and trust in her.

Before he entered her, Jasper found her hand again and laced their fingers. His other hand stayed in a supportive position beneath her back, fingers splayed out against her skin. His lips parted from hers as he started to press into her, slowly but surely. He peppered her jawline and the side of her neck with kisses, and moaned softly against her warm skin. He whispered that he loved her several times as he pushed further into her. He did not stop, knowing that if he did it would just prolong any pain or discomfort she was feeling. At one point, he did raise up enough to look down at her, to make sure that if he _was_ hurting her, that it wasn't causing her to suffer any. If it was _too_ much, then they would stop, no questions asked.

* * *

Bella thought she was dreaming for a moment. Even the chill of his skin, something she frequently used as a reminder that she was very much awake and living in reality, didn't seem to help on account of how warm her own was. This was a scenario that perhaps _would _play out in her dreams. It often did in her daydreams for certain. But she didn't think – as much as she desperately wanted to in any case – that it might ever happen considering the differences that made it difficult. A small part of her – even though Jasper continued to prove that part wrong – still waited for him to say that it was too much and push her away, however gently. But he never did. He only pulled her closer, whispering his agreement and his trust in her words.

She let him arrange the two of them for proper positioning and all the while as she returned his kiss, she ignored nerves that were once more trying to surface. It was easier to do when she caught the hint of a smile before he told her he loved her and sealed it with another kiss. Bella was not only afraid that she would be… _bad _at this, or do something wrong so that he would not enjoy it, but she also feared that she would react in some way that would cause him to want to stop – whether it was a positive or a negative reaction. That fear came into play when he started to enter her and she felt pain.

It was by no means excruciating in nature, but it was certainly not comfortable. Pain was to be expected though. Bella had anticipated it, but tried not to dwell on it. After they had played around with one another in the hot tub, she felt a bit sore when she woke up the next morning, but that had been on account of it being the fact that such had been the first time anyone had ever touched her so intimately. Other parts of Jasper's anatomy were certainly bigger than his fingers had been and so Bella was feeling it now. Her eyes closed and she gasped very softly as he pushed inside of her slowly. She tried to concentrate on everything else except the pain. His lips against her neck and the soft promises of his love for her definitely helped, as did the way he was holding her hand. It was a small gesture that wasn't lost on Bella, even with everything else going on. The fact that he entwined their fingers was not only a sweet gesture, but a protective one as well.

She felt _safe_.

She tried to keep her breathing even, leaving her eyes closed as her body adjusted to having him inside of her. It didn't take very long and when she opened her eyes and found him looking down at her expectantly, Bella couldn't help but to smile. It was so endearing how concerned he was for her. She wouldn't lie and say it didn't hurt. But both of them knew it would. She also wouldn't lie, however, when she said it worth it. She touched her nose to his and nuzzled against his skin softly, not saying anything just yet. Jasper would know she was okay. Even though he might have been feeling a bit of discomfort coming from her, he would not be able to deny the overpowering feelings of love and adoration she had as well, on top of still strong feelings of desire and passion.

After a moment, she moved her hips slightly, getting used to the feel of him. It was not nearly as bad as she thought. Thus, she did it again. It caused her breath to hitch in her throat when her pelvis rolled against his, letting him know that this was okay, that she liked it. If he needed further clarification, Jasper would get it when she whispered that she loved him against his lips, followed by a kiss.

* * *

Jasper had no idea that this would feel as amazing as it did. He was no stranger to such intimate acts, but this was his first time with Bella, and he'd never felt anything like it. The heat he felt from being inside of her was intense, almost too much for him. But it felt so incredibly amazing that he did not dare pull away from her. He gazed down at her, constantly reading her emotions as they remained entwined as one. He could sense that she felt safe and loved, which was exactly what he wanted. He knew she must've been in at least some degree of pain, which he wasn't happy about but knew was inevitable. But he hoped that if nothing else, she would feel his love and desire to make her feel secure. He'd achieved both of those things, which made him confident in his choice to continue on.

The pain she was experiencing, he felt very guilty for being the cause of it, but he knew it would go away eventually. She would no doubt be sore in the aftermath, but that was something else he hoped would pass the more they engaged in this intimate act. That is, if she wanted to after this initial time. Jasper would never force her, or try to make her feel obligated, but he would not ever be able to contain his desire of her. Especially after this night. Making love to Bella gave him the most incredible feeling, both physically and emotionally. He'd never felt closer to her than he did in this moment. They were connected emotionally in a way they never had been before. Physically, he was feeling an indescribably amount of pleasure already, just from initially entering her. The tight fit of the joining of the bodies was almost too much for him as it was.

When she started to move her hips, it caught him by surprise. He gasped against her neck and the hand bracing her back pressed a little harder against her. He let go of her hand, so that he could slide his newly freed hand down the side of her body to clutch onto her hip. He moaned his pet name for her against her skin and held tightly to her. Her actions told him that she was becoming more accustomed to his presence within her, and because of that he continued on. He withdrew partially, then pressed into her again, still very slow and deliberate, but with a pronounced rhythm. He repeated this motion again, then again. As the resistance he felt from his motions began to subside and her body began to welcome his, he moved his hips a little faster, a little harder.

When he wasn't gasping, or giving her the chance to breathe, Jasper was kissing her. Her lips, her cheeks, her jaw, her neck, her breasts, her shoulders. He kissed everywhere his lips could reach and clutched her against him. He needed Bella to know she was pleasing him, that she was giving him more pleasure than he ever thought imaginable. He just hoped that she would start to enjoy it, too, and that it would be more than just pain for her this first time.

* * *

If he wanted her to start enjoying it, Jasper wouldn't have to wait very much longer at all. The next couple of times he moved inside of her, her body continued to adjust. It wouldn't take long for the pain she'd felt before to morph into something entirely different – pleasure. Perhaps some of the pain still lingered and it was indeed true that she would feel sore late on, but in the meantime, it didn't seem to exist any longer as she realized the rhythm of his hips and began to match her own to it.

The sensations were unlike anything she'd ever felt before. Of course, the newest was the way he felt inside of her. Since Bella had never done this before, her body had to get used to him, but once it did, it was as if she were welcoming him, like he was a new friend that needed embracing. Even when he was inside her, she could feel the chill from his skin which was, as a result, an electrifying experience when it was compared with how warm she was. She liked the way he was holding her, the way his fingers put pressure against her skin and kept her close to him. It was a reminder that he wasn't going anywhere and to Bella, that was a comfort. If anything, it didn't feel like he could hold her tight enough, like they weren't close _enough_.

Everywhere his lips touched seemed to burn rather than freeze. When his mouth brushed hers, she kissed him back, but was having trouble on account of the way her breathing was severely altered and she couldn't seem to catch a breath. Sounds were becoming more frequent as well. They were all soft, but the amount of moans and sighs and whimpers as he picked up his pace seemed to increase. Jasper was making it very difficult for her to have any doubts that he wasn't enjoying himself, that she wasn't doing this right. Just the way he reacted to her body, the way he touched her, whispered her name – all reassurances that gave Bella confidence. She was pleasing him. She was accomplishing the goal that she only ever wanted to strive for, which was making him happy.

Her soldier, her Jasper.

The confidence allowed for her to move. Her hips lifted slightly to meet his each time he thrust into her. She liked the way the muscles in his shoulders shifted beneath her fingers when he entered her and pulled out again. The hand that wasn't splayed against his back held onto his hip, keeping him close even through the motions. But everything was affecting her, everything was making it impossible for Bella to think about anything but the indescribable feelings that were building within her. And they _were_ building. To a point where she almost like as if she were outside of her own body, something that she couldn't put into words. The connection between them was deeper than it had ever been on every single level.

It was, in a word, amazing to her.

* * *

Jasper felt similarly to her. He felt like he couldn't hold her tight enough, and truth be told, he wasn't holding her as tightly as he could. Though he was unintentionally clutching her tighter than he usually did, he was still trying his best to be careful not to squeeze too tight or kiss her for too long. He was even making an effort to control how hard he was moving his hips against her, for he knew that one false move and he could shatter her pelvis. That wasn't exactly conducive for his desires, and certainly wouldn't be for hers. So he was trying his best to maintain at least some level of control. It was slipping a little, as was evident in how he held her, but he was not using enough force to break bones or cause her discomfort for the time being. Still, he did long to hold her tighter and kiss her longer.

The feel of her warm breath against his icy skin was so alluring, as were the sweet sounds she was making between gasps for air. It was very apparent to him that most of the physical pain and discomfort she'd been experiencing were starting to disappear. That was very reassuring for Jasper, and made him want to continue to please her. It was very encouraging to know that he was bringing her pleasure despite the pain she must have been feeling before. And if he'd known she was worried about pleasing him, all she'd have to do was take one look at his face to know she was giving him pleasure beyond his comprehension.

The pleasure he felt was so intense, that it was starting to become too much for him. Not in a way that would make him need to stop, but in a way that made him want so much more. A knot was tying tightly in his stomach as the pleasure built up inside of him. His hips moved faster against hers, a longer, soft moan escaping his lips as he felt her heat embracing him again and again, each time he pushed into her. He was close, dangerously close to reaching the brink of ecstasy, All he was going to need was just another little push and she'd help him to give in to the pleasure that was very close to consuming him. He wanted very much for her to reach that point, too. He didn't know if it was possible, due to the pain he'd just put her through, but he was going to do everything he possibly could to get her there. Jasper rolled his hips as he moved within her, now entering her at slight angle. The friction was even more incredible and drew more sounds from him.

he knew he wasn't going to last much longer, but he could feel Bella was building towards the peak of her pleasure. It didn't seem possible she'd be able to reach it; from what he knew of human girls having this experience, it was rare that they got there on their first time. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to give her everything he could.

"Belle... Bella..." her name left his lips, disappearing into her hair as he rolled his hips up against her and held her tighter against him. He tried to whisper his love, but his voice hitched and all he could do was groan against her.

* * *

Bella felt as if she were flying. She felt weightless and yet grounded all at the same time. It was a pleasant sort of contradiction. She often found herself having those experiences when she was with Jasper and each time, it left her feeling closer to him than ever. Not was certainly no difference and it was already established that this was the deepest connection they could have had with one another.

She was aware of every single thing about their surroundings suddenly. Her senses, while never anywhere near his in terms of acuity, were heightened. Every last one of them was in fine tune with their actions and everything that surrounded them. Being so close to him, Bella felt immersed in his scent, her favorite smell. It soothed and calmed her, even though her heart was racing. Her ears picked up on every sound that left his lips and she quickly learned that one of the newest things she loved about Jasper was the sounds he made when he was experiencing any type of physical pleasure. Her name sounded like velvet when it left his lips and his groans were enough to draw some of her own if his actions didn't cause such a reaction on their own. But the strongest of the brunette's senses, hands down, had been touch of course. The way his skin felt against her whenever he moved sent delicious chills up her spine, not wholly as a result of his naturally cooler temperature.

If she could have, Bella would have drawn this out forever, content on always staying entwined with him, moving as one and experiencing everything the other had to offer on a new and exciting level. But making it last forever was impossible and it soon became very apparent that even making it last five minutes more would not be an achievable goal. At least, not for Bella. She was too wrapped up in him, in this whole experience, that it only took a few more thrusts of his hips into hers before she couldn't help but to give into the pleasure that had been mounting since they'd stepped foot back in the cabin after getting caught in the rain. The way he was entering her at an angle now was what made it impossible to prolong. Because she'd had that experience after the hot tub, Bella knew when she was on the threshold of ecstasy. She was there now; there was no mistaking that.

Her eyes fluttered closed and she managed to touch her lips to his in a slightly haphazard kiss before she had to gasp for a breath. Her head settled back against the pillows then, leg tightening around his waist to keep him as close as she could. Her entire body felt as if it had been exposed to a live wire and she was infused with pleasure. The hand that had been on his back moved to his hair, fingers threading through the locks. Because she was so fixated on how good she felt and the electrifying waves that were flooding through her body, she didn't realize how tightly she was clutching onto them. The fingers in his hair twisted and she pulled on his curls while the other hand that had been on his hip had her nails digging into his skin. Even though she couldn't have hurt him, Bella still would have felt slightly guilty for being a bit… forward when she was incapacitated by pleasure.

"Jasper…" she choked out. Her lips found his then to whisper she loved him and a groan was to follow.

It felt like time had stopped and that for several minutes, hours even, that Bella was caught in such a whirlwind of bliss. It was only seconds though – glorious ones at that – until she began to came back down.

* * *

Jasper wasn't sure how much longer he was going to be able to keep this up. As amazing as it was, and as incredible as it felt, he knew it that it had to come to an end probably sooner rather than later. He wanted more than anything for her to reach that point of pleasure that would make her toes curl and her body writhe in ecstasy. He'd seen her reach that point once before, and he knew she was well on her way to there before they'd started to make love. He just feared that she wouldn't be able to get there because of the discomfort she had to be feeling from their actions. He could feel it building within her and hoped with just a little more effort, he could get her there. He knew he could use his power to flood her with the desire that would get her to that point quickly, but he didn't want to do that.

Fortunately, he didn't have to.

The first time he'd watched her reach the peak of her pleasure, Jasper had been captivated by how beautiful she looked. He could feel what she was feeling inside, and it was as beautiful as she'd appeared on the outside as well. Her features did not contort unnaturally or scrunch up. Just like before, she'd arched into his touch and let her body naturally move to accommodate to the pleasure that was coursing through her. He wanted to stop, so he could watch her again as she rode out the waves of her climax, but he knew that if he kept moving it would heighten what she was feeling. Not to mention, it was heightening his own pleasure.

He knew she would be exhausted after this. He did not try to prolong this anymore. Jasper gave in to his desires and let himself go. He let go of her though, because he knew he was likely to really hurt her in the throes of his passion. He clutched at the sheets, feeling the fabric tear beneath his grasp. He really didn't care. His hips jerked a couple of times as he felt her tightening around him through the waves of her climax, and that was enough to set off his. He gasped and felt his release hit, his shoulders tensing and his body shaking a bit as he came inside of her. The knot in his stomach finally came loose, and jolts of pleasure shot through his limbs. When it passed, he managed to stay up, rather than collapsing on her. Fortunately for him, Jasper did not get tired. He was just very satiated in his desires.

Slowly, he rolled off of her and onto the bed. As he did, he pulled Bella against him and hid his face in her hair. He nuzzled the side of her head, his eyes still closed. The afterglow of their lovemaking was starting to flood his senses, overpowered only by his happiness. He could still hear her heart beating, and she wasn't screaming in pain from any broken bones. He hadn't broken her. He hadn't killed her. She was safe. She was in his arms. He hadn't lost his control.

Jasper smiled into her hair and held her close. "I love you so much," he whispered. "Are you all right?" He started to slowly stroke her hair and her back, tracing his fingers along the curve of her spine. "Did I hurt you?"

* * *

Even though this was not the first time that she had experience such a peak of pleasure in his presence, and it was also not the first time she'd witness him doing the same, everything about this time was different. They had reached that climatic point _together_. Before Bella could even finish riding out the waves of the intensity of her own orgasm, Jasper's occurred. It was unlike anything she could describe. The way he continued to move inside of her, the way her muscles tightened around him – all of it made the experience so much more special. It had been special in the hot tub of course, and Bella was very pleased with the way things had happened that evening as well. But this was so intense, so much more… _erotic_. Such was to be expected considering they had gone through to the next step in the relationship.

When he let go of her, she was slightly disappointed to lose the touch of his hands, but Bella kept her fingers firmly secured against his body, one still on his hip, the other still entwined within his hair until he finished. His body tensed and shook and she did her best to soothe him as his climax overtook him, but it was difficult to do the best job she could have considering she was still in a significant amount of pleasure herself. She stayed that way until Jasper rolled over onto his side. Instantly, Bella missed his presence inside of her, something that she didn't expect but that existed nonetheless. But when he pulled her against him, it calmed her and she gladly snuggled against his side.

There was such an overpowering exhaustion that she felt and in addition, she felt as if she were very full, satisfied. That only made her feel all the more relaxed. She was slightly sore, but because it had still been so recently that she went through such a surge of pleasure, it was considerably dulled; not at all something she was dwelling on now. An arm draped across his chest and her cheek lay against his shoulder, grateful for his cold skin. The chill allowed her to calm herself down easier, slowing her previously racing heartbeat and course of breathing. She was overwhelmed with the happiness coming off of him and it mingled with her own.

And that was exactly what Bella was – incredibly _happy_.

Her eyes remained closed as his fingers trailed soothing lines down her spine and when he spoke, she mumbled something before shaking her head at his last question. He didn't hurt her in the least bit as far as she was concerned. Pain, after that initial bit that came along with him entering her and stretching her core, was not something that registered at all. But even that initial sliver of it was not his fault. It was just the way their bodies were made and how the sexual process unfolded. She hoped he wouldn't blame himself for that, but she would assure him later that there was no need. For now, all she could do was whisper her affection for him after shaking her head 'no.' "

I love you, Jasper," she said, tightening her arm around him and entwining her leg with one of his

* * *

Jasper could feel the happiness that was rolling off of her in gentle waves. It felt as though her happiness was embracing him just as she was. Her warm skin pressed against his icy body was a constant reminder of her presence, that she was there with him and that he'd managed to keep control of himself. He was not a prideful person, really, but he was very proud of himself in that moment. He'd been able to do what he thought was impossible. It made him feel like maybe overcoming his thirst the way his family had really was within his reach. He would thank her for that later; he wasn't sure if she realized how much she'd helped him with that over their time together. He'd find a way to tell her, to thank her properly and let her know how much it meant to him.

He used the hand that wasn't stroking her back to close around hers that was on his chest. He brought that hand up to his lips and kissed her palm, then the back of her hand and her knuckles. It was a relief to know he hadn't hurt her, at least beyond what he knew she had to have endured initially. Jasper had never thought they'd be able to achieve such a connection. He knew he loved her and that she was his everything, and he knew that she loved him deeply as well. He knew they shared an unbreakable bond, but he did not think it possible that they would be able to be so intimate. The fact that they could and had without incident meant so much to him.

"I wish you could know how much I love you," he said softly, kissing the top of her head. "And how much it means to me that you love me too."

He closed his eyes and just savored being close to her. Even if the world came to a crashing end right now, they would always have this moment. Nothing else mattered, except for the two of them. The rest of the world be damned; he had his Bella, and she was all he needed. They could go back to reality tomorrow if they had to, but right now, in this moment, they could allow their worlds to revolve around each other.

Jasper kissed her temple, then laid his head back against his pillow. He knew she must have been exhausted. He started to stroke her back soothingly again, and hummed softly. It wasn't any tune in particular, he just made it up as he went along. If he could have fallen asleep, now would have been the perfect time. Fortunately for him, he did not need slumber; instead he just relaxed, and did his best to lull her to sleep.

* * *

Content would have been the only other word to best describe Bella in the aftermath of their love making aside from happiness. But at the same time, such a thing was not a complete blessing. Because she was so happy, so content, she was comfortable enough to be sleepy. Of course their actions had left her exhausted alone, something that she didn't understand would happen to the extent in which it did. However, it seemed to have wiped the girl out completely.

She could hear Jasper speaking, but it sounded very distant, as if she were already dreaming and that was how his voice sounded when she was with him while she were engaged in one. It was soft and reassuring and it made her feel as if there were no place in the world that would be better than right here, right with this beautiful creature who make her feel unlike anyone ever had. That was the truth though; this was the only place Bella wanted to be. Even if she was tired, she was still with Jasper and she would be okay with sleeping if she had to.

It seemed as if she certainly had to with the way she started drifting off right away. Even though she would be _okay_ with sleeping, Bella still would have preferred to stay awake with him for the whole of the night. She felt closer to him than she ever had before, a fact that was amazing in and of itself considering to how connected the two of them were to one another prior to this day. For that reason, she wanted to draw out her consciousness so they could talk at least. But Bella couldn't even seem to respond to his words before she was already well on way to sleeping. The soft way he began to hum did nothing to prevent this. That night would be dreamless for Bella. But it didn't matter.

Reality was far better than anything she would have been able to dream up.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Oh, we definitely want you to review this one. Was it worth the wait? This is only the beginning of Jasper and Bella's intimate life. The next chapter will have the aftermath of their first time and maaaaaybe a little more :) Please remember to review, follow, and favorite! Cheers!

**Lyrics: **Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran


	26. Chapter 26

_Please you please_  
_mine be mine_  
_forever and all time_  
_this could be heaven_  
_right here on earth ;;_

The images in his mind were vivid, so much so that he could see it happening all over again. He could see the perfect arch in Bella's spine as he held her just slightly off the bed. He could see the way her lips remained slightly parted to allow her lungs to take in the oxygen she craved and emit the soft, beautiful sighs from her throat. He could even still hear them, the sighs, moans, soft cries, the beautiful way she gasped his name.

Jasper never wanted the vision of her beautiful body to leave his memory, and fortunately for him he knew that it wouldn't. He would remember the previous night for all eternity. There were moments, however, when he thought he must have been dreaming. Despite the impossibility of it, as he couldn't sleep, he wondered if somehow he'd managed to hallucinate and imagine the entire thing. The only proof he had otherwise, was the warm presence beside him, curled up against his marble body. Bella. His Bella. Her soft, living form had remained very close to him throughout the duration of her slumber and he did not dare move.

She'd fallen asleep shortly after they'd made love and Jasper did not try to stop her from succumbing to it. He knew she'd need it. He would have happily fallen asleep with her if he could have, but since he never slept, he was content to lay with her as he always did at night. He would have loved for her to stay up with him, so they could talk and kiss and gaze at the stars through the large window across from them. But he also loved watching her sleep. He liked to watch her features as she dreamt and listen to her talk as she often did so he could try to guess what she was dreaming about. That night, however, she did not seem to be dreaming. That did not take away from his fascination. Most of the night he gazed at her, only occasionally closing his own eyes to replay their actions in his head. Only when it was morning did he shift a little. He turned over onto his side to face her and very carefully lifted one of his hands to lightly caress her cheek, then trail his finger over her lips.

"Bella.." he just barely breathed out her name as his lips brushed against her forehead. If she wanted to sleep longer, he would of course comply. It was just that he missed her, even though she was right here.

Jasper started to trail a line of kisses down the side of her neck as his hand slid down her shoulder and arm. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, but when he turned her hand over to kiss her wrist, he paused. His gold eyes widened and his breath hitched. There were bruises on her forearm. He frowned and examined them more closely. Realization hit him a moment later as he placed his fingers over the bruises; they were the same size. He drew back from her, but only to pull the covers down to see there were several more from where he'd held her. They lined her waist, her hips, her thigh. For a moment, he just stared in shock at what he'd done, but then he moved to cover her back up.

Could he really be shocked? This was exactly what he feared he would do. Granted, it was the least of his worries, but very warranted nonetheless. Jasper sat up, his side of the covers pooling around his waist as he did so, and stared at the wall. He'd spent the whole night thinking he'd been careful, that what they'd done was the most beautiful, intimate exchange between two lovers. What had happened was the equivalent of him beating her up.

Who was he kidding? He _was_ a monster.

* * *

Bella never had such a perfect night of sleep. It wasn't just on account of the fact that it was without any threat of bad dreams, but because she was with Jasper. Every night she fell asleep, they were together and it was in his arms, but because of the seriousness of everything that had taken place the evening before, how intimate they'd become, it was all different. Different in the most wonderful way, however. It hadn't been very late in the night when she'd drifted off and thus, she was able to get a good full night of sleep. Not once had she awoken in the middle of the night for whatever reason, nor was she ever cold. She probably would have been had he not pulled the covers around her at some point, but Jasper was always thinking of her best interests. He was always taking care of her so there was no issue with her comfort or warmth.

She was slow to wake in the morning, but she did so when he gently touched her skin with his chilly fingers and cool marble lips against her neck. Her name coming from his mouth was the sweetest sound she could have heard upon waking in the morning. She gave a content sigh, but kept her eyes closed. She wanted to remember waking up like this just as perfectly as she remembered every detail from the night before in their love making. Jasper had always looked beautiful to her – always. Even when she could see each one of his scars in the light, he was just as breathtaking in Bella's eyes. But the night before, he never looked so… _captivating _in his handsomeness. She loved the way his eyes would close when he groaned or the little line that was between his eyebrows whenever he was concentrating on the rhythm of his hips. His cool, sweet-scented breath still felt like it lingered both against her skin and her still slightly swollen lips. Bella loved that. She loved feeling like even though they had finished making love to one another hours ago, her senses were still heightened and much in tune to Jasper.

But it was for that reason that she soon realized something was definitely wrong. She was smiling as she turned on her side, eyes still closed when she reached for him. But her hand met nothing but the empty sheets, still cold from where his body had been. Opening her eyes, she found that he hadn't left, but rather, was avoiding even looking at her. She would have assumed he was just deep in thought, maybe even just bored from sitting in bed so long while she was slumbering, but the wave of discontent she felt coming from him shocked her. Immediately, she sat up too, tucking the other side of the sheet beneath her arms.

"Jas?" she questioned softly, the concern evident in her voice. Gently, she touched her hand to the middle of his back. "What's wrong?"

* * *

How could he have been so careless? Of all things. Jasper was always so careful, more than he was around anyone else. His greatest fear was to cause her harm. One of the lowest points in his life had been after he lunged at her and tried to kill her. Ever since then he had taken extra care to keep his guard up, to always keep himself in check with Bella. Over time, as they grew closer, he'd relaxed a little in that regard. He'd allowed himself to get comfortable in the way he touched her, held her, kissed her. Up until now, it had been all right. He had not tarnished her beautiful skin with bruises or even been tempted to snap his teeth. He could kiss her and hold her at night without too much discomfort in his throat. He had grown to love her, and not just the blood running through her veins. All for what? So he could bruise her while he tried to make love to her, take her virginity and mark her in the process.

He was _ashamed_.

Yet, how could he think he could do otherwise? Why did he think he would be able to be tender enough to touch her gently? Why did he think he had enough control over himself to hold her without hurting her? What right did he have to engage in this sort of behavior with someone like her? Jasper had always been the weakest link in the Cullen chain. Why should it be any different in every other regard? He'd hurt her, and the proof was all over her skin. If he'd bruised her on the outside, he couldn't even imagine how much he had hurt her on the inside. Just thinking about it made him even more repulsed with himself. How could he have been so selfish?

He heard her stir awake and closed his eyes. He wasn't even sure he could bring himself to look at her after what he'd done. Her warm hand on his back made him shiver just a little bit. Why would she want to touch him after what he did? He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve her at all.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I'll never do it again, I swear it," he said softly, looking down at his lap. "I know it doesn't make up for what I did, but I didn't mean to. I.. I understand if you're disgusted with me. I'm so, so sorry I hurt you. I can't even ask for forgiveness."

* * *

Nothing seemed to make sense. How could Jasper have been so sweet and affectionate before when he was stroking her skin and kissing her to wake her up? Did Bella imagine all of that? Did she manage to start dreaming this late in her sleep? But she had been so sure of her name on his lips and the gentle touches he gave her. How then, could she feel such distress coming from him now? It was the opposite of how he'd been only just a minute or so before. As she was beginning to wake, Bella was quite sure she hadn't felt any sort of negativity coming from him. Otherwise, she would have woken a lot quicker and would not have taken her time with how content she felt. Something must have happened, something to cause a drastic change in the way he was feeling. What it was, Bella didn't know, but there was only one way to find out and that was to get answers from the source.

However, even when he'd started to answer her, Bella didn't feel as if she were any closer to understanding what was actually the matter. He seemed as if he were speaking in riddles – shocking ones at that. Why was he apologizing to her? Nothing made any sense. He hadn't done a single thing wrong. Maybe it was because of the fact that she was still slightly groggy from being freshly awoken, but she couldn't piece together whatever was the matter. Was that it? Was it because he'd woken up her up? That was the only thing she could even think of that he would feel guilty for.

"Jas, I'm glad you woke me up," she assured him, rubbing his back soothingly. "I didn't want to sleep any longer and waste more of the morning without you," she said. And that was the truth. While she had been very comfortable and her rest had been much needed, she still would rather have been awake with him.

"It definitely didn't hurt me," she said, almost amused at the fact that he would think such a thing. Shifting closer to him, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed the side of his neck.

* * *

How could they ever come back from this? How could she ever look at him the same way again after what he'd done? Her response was a bit confusing; did she not realize he'd bruised her so horribly? Was she not in pain?

Jasper couldn't read that from her because he couldn't feel others' physical pain. Perhaps he'd hurt her so badly that he'd done some nerve damage and she did not feel it? That didn't seem logical. All he could think of was that Bella was just being Bella. She had a tendency to sacrifice her own comfort for the sake of others. Was she hiding her pain to spare his feelings? Why would she do something like that? The thought of it just made him feel even worse about the entire situation. His guilt was starting to become overwhelming.

"Bella, please," he shut his eyes and covered them with his hand for a moment. He wanted to pull away from her and spare her the trouble of having to pretend with him but didn't have the heart to do so. He didn't really _want _to pull away. He just didn't want her to have to compromise her happiness or pretend she wasn't hurting for his sake.

"I'm a monster," he said quietly. "What I've done is unforgivable. You don't have to pretend that everything is all right. After what I've done you should be staying as far away from me as possible."

That thought nearly broke his heart. He couldn't imagine staying away from her, nor did he want to think about what it would be like to have to go back to the way things were before. Jasper didn't want to have to simply be her guardian and sit outside her house. He didn't want to go back to being reserved and silent in her presence, with his hands folded behind his back. It was devastating to think of such things, but for her he would do it. Clearly he couldn't be trusted to be intimate with her again. Jasper wasn't even sure he should hold her hand ever again after all of this, or that she'd even want him near her. He wouldn't blame her for it, obviously, as he was encouraging that now.

"I can arrange for someone else to come get you to take you home. I understand if you wouldn't feel comfortable riding in the car with me after what I did to you. I'm just.. so sorry." Jasper dropped both his hands into his lap, a look of utter defeat and sorrow on his face.

* * *

None of this made sense to Bella. But because it wasn't making any sense, it scared her.

This wasn't like Jasper. This certainly was not the Jasper that she was with last night. He wasn't the same one who was nothing less than happy from what she could remember as she was drifting off to sleep. Instead, his happiness is what allowed her to fall off into such a peaceful slumber, soothed by his words and the quiet way his voice tickled her ears whenever he started to hum her a quiet tune. It anything would have been wrong, Bella would have picked up on it immediately. Because they were so close, especially with their emotional connection, she always could tell when something wasn't right with him. Last night, everything had been wonderful. Today, his mood was the opposite for certain.

She was beginning to wonder if she'd missed something. He couldn't have been apologizing for waking her up. That had even sounded like a silly explanation the first time Bella considered it. But something was amiss and it must have occurred when Bella hadn't realized it or else she would have had some sort of inkling as to what Jasper was on about. Currently, she was in the dark. But the way he was speaking was beginning to scare her a little.

"Jasper, stop," she said when he started belittling himself.

She might not have known what was wrong, but it didn't matter. He wasn't by any means a monster. The fact that he was referring to himself in such a manner caused Bella's heart to ache. When he continued that it would be an option for her to leave without him, panic began to settle in. If he was talking about leaving her, that she didn't have to be around him, it was serious. Especially if he was considering the fact that it was what she _wanted_. He was acting as if he expected her to cower in fear in front of him or else, tiptoe around on eggshells. What had caused such a drastic change? What was responsible for this terribly negative thought process?

"I don't know why you're even talking like -"

And then everything clicked.

When she moved her arm to secure it better around his shoulders, her eyes caught sight of something she'd failed to miss until that moment. Her skin, normally pale and unblemished, now sported a very colorful bruise, or at least, the makings of one on her forearm. Suddenly, she had an idea of why he was upset. To confirm, she glanced down to look at the rest of her body. When she peaked inside the sheet, she saw the marks. There weren't many, but there were certainly some and they all were beginning to color. Her hips sported those that were the darkest. She hadn't felt any pain before that. She felt a little bit sore, but that was because he'd just taken her virginity hours before and such was natural. But until she saw the bruises, she wouldn't have known they existed before she stood up. It didn't seem to matter though. He seemed to think that she was completely broken and that he was the one responsible.

"Oh Jasper," she whispered, wrapping her arms back again him again and pulling his back against her chest. She leaned her chin over his shoulder so she could turn to kiss his cheek, nuzzling the side of his face. "I'm fine," she assured him. "You didn't hurt me." Bella kissed his cheek again, then the side of his neck, tightening her arms to try an reassure her. At least, reassure him that she didn't want to be apart from him for lack of anything better.

"You have nothing to apologize for," she said. "You didn't do anything wrong. You did... _everything_ right," she said a smile turning up her lips when she kissed his neck again.

* * *

Bella should have been yelling at him. He should have been able to feel her anger, her pain, her disgust towards him. She should have been demanding he leave the room, the property even. She shouldn't be the one with her arms around him, comforting him and reassuring him that everything was all right. He should have been sent away, or at least groveling at her feet for the forgiveness he didn't deserve. There was just something very wrong with this picture. It wasn't fair to her, to have to be the one to try to make him feel better when she was the one who was bruised and broken at his hands.

Jasper was so remorseful for what he'd done to her, and it was evident because of his power. Rather, he was remorseful for how he did it. Jasper couldn't bring himself to be remorseful for making love to her. That had meant everything to him, to be able to share himself with her and for her to share herself with him in such a way. He was so deeply in love with her, more than ever now. That was why this was having such a horrible effect on him. He loved her so, so much, and he'd still managed to hurt her despite his strong desire to always protect her and keep her safe from harm.

Her words barely reached him. This was exactly the reaction he'd expected her to give him, after all. Bella was notorious for this sort of thing; downplaying her pain or discomfort by saying she was just fine. He wanted so much to believe her, that everything was all right. But how could he believe that when she was covered by bruises? Bruises that _he _caused her. Her kisses and affections were not lost on him, though. He couldn't help but turn into her and return them every so often.

"How can you say that after all the damage I've caused? God, look what I've done to you..." Jasper took one of her hands that was on his shoulder and started to kiss the bruises he'd left on that wrist. "I have everything to apologize for," he said softly, nuzzling her wrist. "I'm so sorry." He turned to face her, and gazed into her eyes. His own were full of sadness. He wanted to touch her, but he was so afraid of himself and what he could do that he refrained from it besides when he'd taken her hand.

"How can you even stand to be in the same room as me?"

* * *

"Because I love you," Bella said simply to his last question.

One of the arms she had around his shoulders dropped lower to pull him closer to her around his middle. She wanted him to know that she had no desire whatsoever so be apart from him. She only wanted him to be closer. When she'd fallen asleep the night before, she had felt more deeply connected to Jasper than ever before and Bella imagined that he felt the same. She wasn't about to let that feeling fade for reasons that he needn't worry about.

She felt a little more relieved when he at least turned to face her a little bit and would touch her. It was very gently, as if he feared bruising her again just when he brushed soothing kisses against her wrist. She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against his after he nuzzled against the skin there. She figured that if she could feel how strongly that he was upset, then surely he would be able to feel just how strongly she was the exact opposite. Bella was worried for certain, but that was only because of the fact that Jasper was beating himself up over this. This was perhaps the lowest she'd ever seen him. A few times before when he'd been talking about his dark past when he was changed into a vampire, he spoke of his low self-worth. But at least then, it didn't involve her directly.

Perhaps, though, it was better that she was here for this, that his self-doubt was caused by something that _did _involve her. At least then Bella could assure him that there was no need for it, that she didn't think any less of him than she did before. On the contrary, she loved him just a little bit more. It amazed her how every single morning that she woke up, she seemed to love him in greater quantities than when she fell asleep. Each day, she was sure she reached her capacity – her heart was full and it belonged solely to him. But sure enough, each day, she felt just a little bit closer to him. This day had been no different by any means unless one figured in that Bella only loved him even more than on an ordinary morning.

With her arm still around his torso, her other stroked his cheek, leaning in to kiss him softly before speaking. "Jas, I get bruises when I even get dressed the wrong way. I'll still get them even if you were a million miles away. I'm not lying when I tell you that you never hurt me," she assured him, pushing back a stray curl from his forehead and soothingly running her fingers through his hair.

"I don't regret anything. If anything, I kept wishing you'd hold me _tighter_," she said, rubbing the nape of his neck with her fingertips. "I… it… everything was just… _perfect_," she breathed, in awe of how wonderful making love with him had been. So much so that it caused her to even stumble over her words when trying to describe it.

"Thank you," she added then, a shy blush touching her cheeks. "For letting me do this with you. For being so patient with me." He would have no idea how much it really meant to her.

* * *

She was thanking him? He'd left her covered in bruises after what was supposed to be the most intimate moment in her life and Bella was _thanking _him? Jasper was even more immersed in his guilt. He lowered his eyes and looked down at his lap again. He wanted to believe her words; he wanted it to be perfect for her. It certainly had been for him. That is, until he realized what he'd done to her throughout. The real slap in the face, was that that he had thought he'd been so careful. He'd tried so hard to be gentle with her, to touch her with so much care and tenderness. All for what? So he could bruise her? What if he'd broken bones?

Jasper couldn't bring himself to believe her words. No matter what she said, despite how convincing she sounded, he just couldn't be convinced. He just hadn't realized how much damage he'd done to her. She'd made no indication that she was in pain, but Jasper did not fault her at all. He was the one who caused the bruises, not her. He _was _thankful he'd let go of her towards the end when he'd tore the sheets. He did not even want to think about what he could've done to her had he not.

He couldn't believe what she was saying to him, but, there was something that made him a more susceptible to believe her. Her feelings. Jasper had become very in tune with Bella's emotions ever since they became closer to each other. He didn't even have to think about it anymore; he just felt everything she felt. He never manipulated her emotions, because he thought that was far too invasive. It was a part of his power that he wished he could do away with, truly. However, he really was thankful for being able to read her emotions right now. It was because he could feel that she really wasn't upset, that she really did mean what she was saying, that he was able to look up again.

"Please don't thank me," he said softly. "I.. I thought it was perfect, too. I don't want to ruin this for you. I just.. when I saw what I'd done.. I just don't think I can forgive myself for it. Even if you do, Belle."

* * *

It didn't seem like Bella was getting her point across as much as she wished she could have. Or at least, even after she'd spoken, she could feel that Jasper was still rather upset. When he admitted that he couldn't forgive himself, her heart felt like it was breaking a little. Bella would rather have him angry with her than angry with himself. She would have preferred to be the one that was responsible, that he cast the blame on. That way, she could fix it. She could try at least by doing whatever she could to gain his forgiveness. But if he was upset with himself and the disappointment lay within, then there was nothing she could do. Jasper would have to realize it on his own time that he didn't do anything wrong.

She was beginning to worry. Perhaps it was selfish to do so, but Bella couldn't help it. What if he never wanted to touch her again? What if he never even wanted to visit with the idea of making love to her after the first time? She wouldn't be able to blame him for that when it had such a negative emotional outcome for him the next day, but at the same time, she couldn't help but to fear that such a thing would come to be true. It had been such an indescribable experience that Bella hated the idea of never being able to engage in it again with the person she loved more than anything. It was like getting the chance to peek inside the presents on Christmas morning, but never actually getting to have any when it was time to unwrap them.

Either way, she would respect his wishes. Even if it was difficult for her, she would do it. That was part of loving someone. She could sacrifice things for his happiness without her own being in danger. As long as Jasper was happy, _Bella _was happy. She would be content as long as he stopped blaming himself and dwelling in such negativity that didn't reflect the type of person he was by any means. Whatever it took, whether it was simply patience or anything else, Bella would be glad to give it to him and help him through this in anyway she could.

"I'm going to thank you whether you want me to or not," she said softly, but with a firm edge to her voice. He needed to be thanked for that and Bella would thank him every single day for allowing her to be so intimate with him.

"I don't have to do it verbally though if you don't want me to," she said with a smile, tilting her head to kiss his neck again. "I can think of a few other ways that don't involve talking at all."

* * *

Jasper could feel that she was starting to get worried and even a bit insecure. He didn't want that for her at all. His reaction was not meant to make her feel as though he did not want to be touching her, or that he had not enjoyed himself throughout their intimate exchange. He didn't want her to feel as though she'd done anything wrong; clearly he was the one at fault. He left the bruises, he'd done the damage. Bella had done nothing but love him and give all of herself to him. He'd done that as well, along with all the markings in addition.

This was not at all how he'd intended this morning to play out. He'd wanted to awaken her gradually, luring her back into consciousness just as he'd done. As soon as her eyes opened, he wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her properly. He knew she did not necessarily feel at her best in the morning, so if she wanted to shower or anything in that regard he would have waited for her - or joined her, if she'd let him. After feeding her a nice breakfast, he wanted to take her back to bed. What they did subsequently would be up to them. If she wanted a repeat performance of the previous night, that would've been quite all right with him. If she wanted to curl up under the covers together, that was perfectly fine as well. Above all, what he wanted was for her to see that everything had been wonderful, that she was beautiful, and that everything would still be as it was before - they'd just be closer.

All of that was not to be. The moment he saw the bruises, his train of thought had completely derailed. Now that this had been brought to light, it brought up a whole slew of concerns. _Should_ he still touch her? Could he ever make love to her again? Would she even want to? Nevermind that. How could he be sure he wouldn't bruise her just by even touching her again?

Jasper knew he was being a bit extreme. After all, if he stopped to think about things logically, he _hadn't_ bruised her once doing any of the things they'd done together before now. He had not broken any bones or caused her physical harm. Only when he'd lunged at her had he caused her any physical injury, and that wasn't _him_, it was a glass table.

Bella's warm lips against his neck caused his eyes to flutter closed. No matter how upset he was, her kisses always took the edge off his pain. He felt selfish for finding any sort of solace after what he'd done, especially _from_ her when she should be yelling at him and calling him the monster he believed himself to be. But he knew she was being genuine; he'd felt it from her. Jasper wanted to keep criticizing himself, to be ashamed and apologize again and again to her. But she was being so sincere in how much she _didn't _blame him, that he was beginning to think maybe he could believe her.

When she spoke of "other ways," of course his mind drifted back to their intimate night. Whether she meant that or not didn't matter. Jasper was always going to recall that memory regardless. The memory was fleeting, though. He brought his hand up to her cheek and lightly brushed his fingertips against her warm skin. The very fingers that had bruised her body. It hurt him to think about, but he'd done this very thing just a moment ago and not hurt her, so he thought maybe it might be okay. Jasper drew her chin up slowly, and leaned in to kiss the opposite cheek. His lips hadn't bruised her, so he reasoned that kisses were okay. He ventured a bit further and lightly kissed her lips, then brought his forehead to hers.

"I love you."

* * *

Bella had a different way of envisioning the morning as well, though hers had been very similar to what Jasper had imagined in regard to it being opposite of reality. She thought they'd had the makings of it in the beginning – after all, it all started with her waking up comfortably in his arms. Before he'd seen the bruises, it seemed as if that had been leading into the proper direction. She would have cleaned herself up a little bit afterward, but not bothered with the longer process of a shower. At least not just yet. Breakfast would have happened in a quicker fashion – something easy, cereal. Something that wouldn't take away more time that they could be closer to one another. Meal times were always something that separated the two of them, though Bella was fond of the times when they'd prepare food for her together.

And then it most certainly would have been time to return to bed. Bella had never been a particularly lazy person, but when given the option of doing something active or simply curling up with Jasper in bed, she would always choose the latter. There was no question of that. But since they had taken their relationship to a new level the night before, perhaps they could have the best of both worlds. She was fine with activity _in _bed. It likely would lead to more rest on her part afterward though, which is where she was disappointed. She hated getting so worn out the night before and not even being able to properly reflect on everything before she was asleep. That was something she vowed to work on, however. She would think of ways, tricks to avoid this. Next time, she wouldn't fall asleep on him so soon.

When he lifted her chin to kiss her, Jasper wouldn't be able to miss the relaxation and contentment that flooded through her upon the sweet contact. Her fears of never being touched by him again, much less kissed or anything on the more intimate side, were lessened when he brushed his mouth against hers. It wasn't a deep kiss by any means; more of just a ghost of a liplock. But it was enough to satisfy Bella. She wouldn't push him either, as much as she wanted to put more pressure on his lips to show him just how greatly she appreciated him. Instead, she would just accept that he felt he needed to exude more caution.

Upon his forehead touching hers and his soft words, she smiled. Eyes closed, she savored them for a moment before responding. "I love you too," she said, rubbing her nose against his before kissing the tip of it. One of her hands moved soothingly up and down his back, tracing over his shoulders and drawing a memory of the night before.

"I think I would have left a lot of marks of my own if I could have," she said with a shy chuckle as she moved her fingers over his skin. She'd been clutching him just as tightly as he was her. There was one point where she distinctly remembered digging her nails into his hip and for only the smallest sliver of a second, worrying that she would hurt it. The fact that such was impossible was not the reason she didn't think on it further, but rather, it was because it was right before she came and was preoccupied with how pleasured she felt.

Her other hand moved to brush his hair back again and she smiled again at the memory it brought. "I'm sorry if I pulled your hair," she said, her cheeks flushing pink with the apology. She had certainly pulled on the curls a bit more than she ever would have intended to. But again, she was not in the proper frame of mind for logical thought.

"Forgive me?" she asked, pressing her lips to his again with just a hint more of the pressure she'd craved.

* * *

Jasper lost himself in the kiss. It would have been brief to her, but for him it encompassed a long span of a moment. In that one brush of his lips to hers, he was able to push the pain aside and focus on her, and how much he loved her. As their foreheads came together and she kissed his nose, he did manage a smile. Her affections and how well she was receiving his were very comforting.

He felt her fingers trailing over his back, tracing over scars she couldn't see. His skin was very tender, despite the diamond hardness of his exterior. Jasper was especially sensitive to the warmth of her body. Her nails couldn't harm him, but her feather-like caresses sent shivers down his spine. He subconsciously pulled her closer to him and smirked just a little. He recalled her clutching onto him tightly and trying to dig her nails into his hip. It didn't cause him any pain; thinking on it now he hoped she hadn't chipped any of her nails in doing so. He just remembered feeling a little pressure against that portion of his body right before he saw her reach the brink of ecstasy.

"Those would be marks I'd be proud of," he whispered, and kissed the corner of her mouth.

He smiled again when she apologized for pulling his hair. Yes, she had most definitely done that. The only part of his body that wasn't unbreakable to her would have been his hair. A vampire's hair could be pulled out, cut, styled, or dyed. The change would be permanent, but it could be done. Jasper was surprised his hair had held its curl for so many decades. What surprised him more was how tightly she'd pulled his hair. It hadn't hurt; quite the contrary to pain. It felt incredible. It had fueled him to please her more, to keep going and give her what she needed. Jasper closed his eyes and thought back to how it had felt to have her fingers tangled in his hair. It was enough to shoot jolts of pleasure through his body.

"I suppose," he said, feigning a sigh. in regard to her plea for forgiveness. He grinned playfully shortly after. He was feeling much, much better. Just being close to her, holding her and knowing he wasn't hurting her at the same time was the best feeling way to combat the pain he'd felt before. He'd barely gotten the words out before she was kissing him again. It was a deeper kiss, but only slightly. He could sense that she was testing the waters. He could only assume it was because she knew he was having a hard time with all of this. He didn't want her to feel as though she had to be cautious. He loved her, he wanted her always.

Jasper kissed her, matching her depth and gradually increasing his own the longer he kissed her. He parted from her lips only to allow her to breathe, and when he did so he was immediately kissing her cheek or her jawline. When she'd taken a breath, he returned to kissing her lips again. The hand that had been stroking her cheek had slid its way down her back to lock around her and keep her against him. The only thing separating their bodies was the sheet she'd tucked around her, a thin barrier indeed.

* * *

It was nice to be in the stage where Bella didn't have to constantly question whether or not she was dreaming or actually awake for how wonderfully things were going. When Jasper started to react differently, come around and press his lips against hers in a way that let her know he was not going to let what happened to interfere with how things should have carried out that morning, Bella was relieved. She was happy in a way that allowed her to accept that this was reality and that there was no need to contemplate how such beautiful things could be happening to someone like her. Jasper made that easy. He made everything so damn _easy_.

There were so many factors against them. A lot of them would come into play when they would have to return to Forks. It would be soon for certain, and when they did, reality would smack them in the face. It wasn't as if this trip had not been a realistic experience as well, but it was all positivity. There was nothing negative standing between them after they'd face their demons upon their early days there and talked out everything that separated them prior to their escape. When they returned, however, they would need to address the issue with Victoria, especially since upon their last knowledge of her, Maria was in search of her and her newborn army. That could not have been a good sign, especially considering the way things were left off when Bella interrupted the vicious vampire's wooing of Jasper.

And then, of course, there were the demons that were closer to home. Charlie would be furious when Bella returned. Relieved, but livid. He would ground her for sure and seeing Jasper wouldn't be quite as easy as it would have been normally. At least, beyond the safety of her bedroom at night. And Rosalie was another issue. Jasper was sour with her and Bella was as well to say the very least. They would feel uneasy in both of their homes. Whereas now, they felt perfectly at peace, happy with one another.

Bella was more than happy to return his kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck when he pulled her closer against him. The chill of his skin seeped through the thin sheet, and Bella's body reacted accordingly. One of her hands moved through his hair again, but she was especially careful to keep her fingers moving softly, slowly, to be the opposition to how she'd pulled the curly locks the night before when she was far from a calm state of mind.

"Mm," she murmured when she pulled back slightly. "I will take all forgiveness grants in that form please." She smiled again and kissed his lips then his cheek briefly before pulling him in for a hug.

For a few moments, she did nothing both hold him close to her, breathing in his sweet scent. "I love you," she whispered into his neck, giving him a squeeze.

* * *

There was a brief period of time during this mini-vacation that Jasper had contemplated asking Bella to run off with him. They could leave, and Jasper could cover their tracks so carefully that even if Charlie unleashed the FBI they'd never find them. They could find another place exactly like this one and live happily just as they'd been doing while on their vacation. He would find a way to make it work; anything to make Bella happy, for them to be happy together.

That would work, wouldn't it? As Jasper held her, he momentarily believed it. Momentarily.

It was a beautiful moment, full of thoughts about how much he loved her and how happy they could be, without any worries of danger from his kind or anyone trying to come between them and this happiness. But that was just it. They _couldn't_ escape the danger forever. Jasper would always be a danger to her, no matter where they were. Away from Carlisle, who was such a good influence on him in every way, away from Esme, his mother. Away from Emmett, the only one who could hold him back if he _did _lose control. He couldn't take her away from Charlie, either. Jasper had gone over this scenario before. They might have started out happy, but everything would fall apart. They needed their families. They needed to set everything right again.

It just wasn't the right time, yet. That right time might be tomorrow, but it wasn't that morning. Jasper held her close to him, tracing his fingertips along her spine as she hugged him to her. He nuzzled into her hair and closed his eyes. Running away wouldn't solve anything in the long run, but if she asked him, he'd take her away. He dipped his head to kiss along the length of her shoulder.

"I love you, Belle," he whispered between kisses. Her fingers lightly massaging his scalp as she ran them through his hair felt incredible, sending chills down his spine.

Though he'd completely dismissed the idea of ever engaging in the same behavior they had the night before again, the memory was still very present in his mind. He couldn't help but think about it as he shifted her into his lap and held her against him. Their bare bodies were so close to touching, separated only by the sheet that had twisted around them and between.

"Belle.." he whispered, in a similar tone he'd used with her during the night. He was trying to push aside his desires, but he loved her so much, and being so intimate with her had meant everything to him. Even though he knew they couldn't, he wanted to.

* * *

If Jasper would have asked Bella to run off with him while they were away, it would have been nearly impossible for her to turn him down. Especially if he'd asked while they were already on this getaway of theirs at the cabin where the atmosphere was completely different. There were millions of places they could have gone. Just as long as it was a place with infrequent sun and woods areas so that Jasper wouldn't have to hide away all the time and would be able to easily hunt whenever he needed to. The thought was too appealing to even think about – how carefree the two of them would be. Just happy with one another.

Since it was an impossibility considering all the loose ends in Forks, especially with their families at the moment, Bella wouldn't think of it. Instead, she just continued to focus on the present. They were still hundreds of miles away from anyone they knew, safe from everything that threatened to tear them apart. The only thing Bella could find herself at all concerned with was the way his cool lips traced along her shoulder and the manner in which his fingers moved in soothing manners up and down and bare spine. It was his words that gave her shivers rather than the chill of his skin, as they always did when he whispered he loved her.

The sheet separating them slipped slightly when he pulled her around to settle in his lap and Bella made no means to try and stop it or adjust it accordingly. When he said her name again, the chill down her spine instantly turned into fire. The velvet way her pet name melted against his tongue gave her an instant flashback of the night before. She didn't want to push him, especially considering how sensitive he was on account of the bruises on her body that were still fresh. But Jasper couldn't use that seductive low tone with her and expect her not to be flooded instantly with want.

For a moment, she did nothing but meet his eyes. Her gaze had something darker in it, a visible reflection of the desire she felt. He would be able to feel it too and Bella knew, without a doubt, that even though he'd had prior reservations, he had very similar desires as she was experiencing. Leaning forward, she pressed her lips to his, just briefly.

"Kiss me," she whispered against his mouth.

She still feared that if she pushed him too quickly, then he would pull away, worrying about hurting her. But Bella couldn't help but to kiss him again, this time with renewed purpose. When she wrapped her arms around his neck, the sheet that had been tucked beneath them was lost, slipping between their bodies and leaving their skin bare to the touch. Taking advantage, she pressed herself against Jasper. The result caused her to groan softly against his lips.

* * *

The sheet fell away into a pool around their waists and Jasper did not try to find it either. It made him happy that she didn't; he wanted her to feel comfortable in her own skin with him. He wasn't with his, but his circumstances were very different. Bella was beautiful, no matter what she thought. He sighed softly as he felt her warm, soft skin pressing against him. Jasper continued to pepper soft kisses against her skin as he caressed her back. Being so close to her neck, he knew her pulse rate had sped up a bit and she was most definitely breathing more erratically. Both of which, while they once would have provoked him to want to kill her, were actually fueling more of his desire.

Jasper could feel her desires as well, flowing through her and growing stronger. He felt he might have prompted them, but he wanted her too. He was afraid of what he could do, but his love for her and his need to be with her were more prominent. He couldn't help but respond physically to her. He started to rub her waist, her hips, and her lower back. His hand trailed down her thighs, then back up as he balanced her on his lap. He wanted her again, even though the thought scared him.

Her request had the tone that was more of a demand. Jasper smirked to himself at the thought. Bella, despite what she might have thought about herself and no matter how insecure she was about her inexperience, was very alluring and seductive without realizing it. She wanted him to kiss her, and he gladly obeyed. Her arms slid around his neck and he felt her pressing tightly up against him. Jasper kissed her passionately, unable to resist her. One hand remained on her hip while the other slid up her back and played with the soft tendrils of hair that spilled down her back.

Her soft groan drew a reply from him and he pulled her closer. Their hips met and Jasper groaned again, his body physically craving hers. It would be no secret that he wanted her now, this just coming from having her in his lap and kissing her. He pulled away from the kiss slowly and held Bella against him again, hiding his face in her hair. He wished so desperately that he could be warm for her, and softer. There was nothing that could change that (nothing he was considering at the moment, anyway), so he had to do the best he could to make sure she was comfortable.

"I want you," he whispered in a low, definite voice. "I want you again, and again, and again." His hand started to trail down her thigh again, though it did not stray far. He raised his head and looked her in the eye then, and his voice lost some of its sensual edge. "But I'm afraid."

* * *

Bella loved the way they had such an effect on one another. It was hardly anything that provoked it aside from their natural physical reactions. If she arched her body into his, he responded accordingly. If he moved his hips against hers, Bella did the same. No thought was required. Being close to Jasper was like an involuntary action. It was easier than breathing, than the steady beat of her heart within her chest. It he could alter both of those things so frequently, such was a testament to what a strong effect he had on her just by being in her presence.

She liked the hint of a smirk she caught before he kissed her. There was something sexy about the way his mouth turned up on one side. Jasper was never arrogant at all. It was only when they were playing around with one another and teasing, when the conversation was light and airy that he would even hint at being in any way egotistical and even then, he was always joking. Such was probably after she teased him about being an 'old man' or being slow to get around or something silly. There wasn't much time to memorize that smirk however before he was obliging her wishes and kissing her with all of the passion she'd hope he would have.

When Jasper pulled her against his hips, Bella groaned again and his words ignited sparks of fire that hadn't had time to fully digress since the night before. If his smirk has been sexy, his tone of voice when he initially told her he wanted her didn't have a proper term to describe it. It was seductive and it alone made Bella want to push him back on the bed and act out everything his tone made her dream up. But when his voice changed, her eyes opened to meet his and she pushed her desires aside for the moment in favor of concern. Even worry was hard to possess though when his fingers moved up the soft skin of her thigh. Because Bella loved him though, she needed to reassure him of a few things first.

"I know," she said softly. And she did know – she wasn't going to not acknowledge his fears when they wholly existed. But while she could acknowledge them, she could also try to combat them with words that were also true.

"But I'm not," she said, stroking the back of his neck softly. "I trust you," she assured him.

He would be able to feel that for certain – he would have all morning and the night before when they made love to one another. Her other hand stroked his cheek softly then gently cupped his chin to pull him close for a kiss. She let it linger for a moment, kissed him briefly again, and then opened her eyes to look at him again, leaning her forehead against his.

"Just watch me. Just keep your eyes here," she whispered. That way, he wouldn't let his gaze stray and observe any of her bruises. That might have ignited his fears and his self-loathing and that was the last thing Bella wanted for him.

* * *

Jasper could sense her honesty, and that she truly did trust him. It was almost as blatantly apparent as her desires. Perhaps if he had more faith in himself he wouldn't have been so hesitant to give in to his needs. And maybe, if his fears hadn't been proven justified by his actions the previous night, he would have been more likely to not question his control. There were so many maybe's and what if's that were rolling through his mind. It wasn't taking away from his desire; nothing could make him stop wanting her. It was just his mind working against him to try to psyche himself out of being able to go through with it.

Bella, however, knew exactly what to say and how to touch him to calm him down. He kissed her tenderly as she drew him in for it, and lightly stroked her back. Her comforting words and affection did soothe him and lessen his worry. When he pulled back, he gazed at her beautiful face and smiled at her. She told him to look at her face and into her eyes, and that was something he could agree to. However, it would be difficult not to look at the rest of her beautiful form. She was beautiful, and he was very attracted to her. Not looking at all of her, especially if he was making love to her, would be nearly impossible.

Though it wasn't easy to think rationally when he was desiring her so much and wanting very much to act on those desires, Jasper tried to think of ways to alter how he held onto her so that he wouldn't put too much pressure on her body. Bella didn't like to be regarded as fragile, he knew, but truth was that her body could be easily broken by his bare hands. The proof was etched onto her skin already. He came to the conclusion that being positioned as they were now would allow him to put his weight more on the bed, rather than any of it placed on her. He also wouldn't have to balance himself on her, or worry about crushing her hips by pushing too hard. Bella would be able to set the pace and intensity. This was how they'd been positioned in the hot tub. Another rush of desire flooded him as he recalled that moment as well.

It was very ironic that she was the one assuring him and making sure he was comfortable, when he'd just done that very thing for her the first time they were reaching this point. Jasper kissed her gently, and lightly let one of his hands slide over her breast. He did not apply any pressure, but he knew she'd still feel some sort of sensation. He smiled as he pulled back from the kiss. He kept his eyes on hers for now, just as she'd instructed him to do.

"That won't be a problem," he said softly, and started teasing the peak of her breast with his thumb.

* * *

His trust in her was one of the greatest gifts he could have given her. Yes, Bella liked the sweet things Jasper said to her. Yes, she liked the way it felt when it kissed her or touched her. But she loved that he put his faith in her. If he didn't trust her, none of this would have happened. Their entire relationship would not have happened. But that worked both ways as well. Bella needed to trust him to and she did – with every single piece of her heart.

Her heart was so strong that it didn't feel like it had even been broken, let alone numerous times. But he was the sole reason it was able to work properly again. Not only that, but he made it _incapable _of breaking. Jasper might have been able to put bruises on her body – however unintentionally of course – but he would never be able to bruise her heart when he was the one that protected it.

Her lips curled up in a smile when he agreed to keep his gaze on hers. It would have been difficult for her as well, truth be told. Though she could easily get lost in the golden shade of his eyes for hours, when he was this close to her with this much skin exposed, she was so eager to let her vision linger so it could roam over his body. It might have made him self-conscious, but he was so beautiful in Bella's eyes, utterly flawless. That truth stood no matter what light he was in, whether his scars were visible to her human eyes or not – he was still perfect.

Her Jasper.

She could sacrifice not letting her eyes stray though without much trouble. His face was just as beautiful if not more so than the rest of him. That face was what she was kissing now. Every inch of it that her lips could reach, they pressed tiny kisses to. His cheeks, his nose, his forehead, his jawline. Her actions were soft for the moment, slow to ensure that things were not too rushed. She still had a worry that she would scare him off somehow, even though after the night before and the way their morning had gone aside from the bruises, it didn't seem likely Jasper was going anywhere.

But his gentle teasing of her breast was making her cheeks hot and it seemed that with the rush of blood came a surge of confidence. "Good," she whispered, kissing him briefly on the mouth and bringing her hands to rest on his shoulders. Not so much rest as a shove backward against the bed.

It was the exact opposite of her something her fears of scaring him off would allow and certainly the opposite of the soft gestures a moment ago on her part. She stretched out on top of him, following as she pushed his shoulders against the mattress. Her mouth found his again and the kiss she gave him let him in on the secret of her sudden burst of self-assuredness. If that wasn't enough, her hips pushed eagerly against his.

* * *

Trust was something that was heavily guarded when it came to someone like Jasper. It had taken him several years to trust the Cullens, and they were amongst some of the kindest of his kind that he'd ever encountered. He hadn't even completely trusted Alice right away. His trust issues stemmed from back when he was with Maria, as did most of all the issues he had with himself and his insecurities. She had betrayed his trust and broken his heart so many times, that trusting others had seemed like an impossibility for him even after he left her.

He'd managed, though. Jasper was able to trust, he was just very cautious in who he gave that trust to. With Bella, he did not even have to think before trusting her anymore. He did not think it wise that she trusted him so implicitly, but Jasper always wanted to do everything he possibly could to honor that trust and keep it safe. Loving her meant everything to him, and being able to feel how much she trusted him really was something he cherished even if he feared it was misplaced. Given what he'd done to her the night before, he was even more convinced of that.

Bella, however, always seemed to know what to do to calm him down and soothe his worries. He certainly wasn't feeling insecure right now. Though he did of course fear that he would hurt her again, or something much worse, he was feeling more confident that they could be intimate again and that he'd be more careful. She certainly seemed to have no reservations. Jasper couldn't feel her inwardly hiding any, either. Clearly she wasn't just doing this for his sake; she wanted it too, and that was why he was able to get over his fears and engage in what he really wanted - to be close to her and give her all of himself all over again.

He closed his eyes as she showered his face with kisses. There was a faint smile on his face, for he loved those kisses. Her lips were so soft and so warm, they felt like they were blazing fiery trails over his skin. He always felt that sensation when she kissed him; it enabled him to feel _warmth_, which he didn't even realize he'd missed until becoming close with her.

Jasper felt her sudden surge of confidence just before she acted on it. He raised an eyebrow at her as she pushed him down against the bed. Of course, he could've quite easily stayed sitting, but he made no move to fight her at all and complied by letting the force of her pushing him set him back against the bed. He growled playfully as she stretched out over him and kissed him deeply. Jasper returned the kiss enthusiastically, kneading his lips against hers. His hands slid up over her bottom and the curve of her spine. He groaned as her hips came into contact with his again and couldn't help but return the gesture.

"Need you.." he whispered, before kissing her again.

* * *

Bella didn't have many issues with trust. There were not many people she grew close to, but that had mainly to do with the fact that she was just a more reserved person and liked to keep to herself most of the time. It didn't have a hidden meaning or any specific reason why trust would be something hard for her to do. Perhaps sometimes she trusted _too _easily. It didn't come back to haunt her often when she did so because even though she might have given someone the benefit of the doubt, Bella was still capable of being independent and taking care of herself should that trust get betrayed.

She wanted to believe that all people were good at heart. And for the most part, she thought this was a true theory. Of course she had come in contact with more evil that a human her age ever should have, but most of the time it had been on account of the fact that she was mixed up in something of an alternate world. If she _did_ let trust issues stand in her way, she never would have been a part of this alternate world, much less, be involved with Jasper. Edward used to tell her that she _shouldn't _trust him. It was likely that Jasper felt the same way – he'd voice his concerns before, the most recent time being that morning when he observed the bruises on her body. But one had to weigh the costs and the benefits, and the benefits of being in love with Jasper far outweighed the costs. It wasn't even a question in Bella's mind.

He left her breathless when he returned her kiss. She was conscious enough to keep her tongue in her mouth and her teeth at bay whenever they kissed – though such was a definite struggle on her end whenever the liplocks became as heated as they one they were engaged in now. But that didn't mean that Bella didn't kiss him with all the passion, all the desire that she was feeling. She hardly caught a breath when he pulled his lips away to speak, and even then, it just meant his words were what stole her breath instead of his kiss. He spoke aloud what both of their bodies were already in a well in-depth conversation about and would Bella also would have said out loud if she was capable of breathing right, much less actually speaking. Again the tone of his voice caused her nerves to heighten.

It was safe to assume that Jasper would allow for them to be intimate together again. If Bella had any shadow of a doubt before, even the smallest hint, it was washed away when he pushed his hips back up against hers and kissed her again, never even skipping a beat with the way his lips spoke volumes about what he was feeling. Without these doubts or reservations, Bella moved one of her hands from his shoulder to slide her fingers down his chest and slowly down the flat muscles of his abdomen. When her tiny hand came in contact with his erection, she whimpered softly against his mouth.

For just a moment or so, she stroked him in her palm. But she needed him so badly that she could hardly even keep up with any more foreplay. Detaching her lips from his mouth, she replaced them against his neck and kissed down to his collarbone as she shifted her lower body. Lifting her hips slightly, she positioned herself in order to allow Jasper to enter her, lowering herself around him slowly. She noted she was sore, but it didn't hurt like it had the night before. Groaning softly, she took her hand away when he was fully inside of her, and after a few seconds of adjusting, she started to gently rock her hips.

* * *

Jasper stayed down on the bed as she started progressing things. He let out another groan as her hand slid down his body and curled around his erection. She made a sound of her own, and Jasper kissed her deeply after. His arousal had been aching for her attention and now that he had it, he was having a difficult time staying still. His hands were all over her, but he was so careful not to apply any pressure. He was kissing her with all the passion he had in him, and hoped that she was able to feel it.

Her warm hand stroking him felt indescribably good. Jasper could not help but move his hips against her. It did not last for long, and soon he found the warm presence of her fingers gone. He very nearly whined, but instead opened his eyes to look up at Bella as she started shifting around above him. Her lips had strayed down to his neck and collar bone, and he had stilled his hands to remain in place where they were. One was resting on her hip while the other was splayed against her back. Jasper's breath was sporadic. He did not expect her to let him enter her ever again, let alone now.

Slowly, he felt her taking him in and the heat from being inside of her surround him. Jasper tipped his head back and moaned softly. Being one with her was the most incredible feeling; he couldn't possibly put it into words. He savored the feeling of just being inside of her, and when she started to rock her hips, he had to refrain from joining her in moving his hips because he feared he'd hurt her. His hand slid down her body to rest at his sides. Despite trying to keep his hips still while she moved, he couldn't help but raise them to meet her each time she moved.

"Belle..." he barely managed to coherently moan her name.

His fingers fisted the sheets at his sides, clutching at the delicate material. No doubt they would be in shreds before they were finished. He lifted his head and looked at her through half lidded golden eyes. She was so, so beautiful.

"I love you."

It was all he could say before he started to pant softly and grip the sheets tighter. He wanted to be holding her so badly, so much that it almost hurt to not be able to. He just couldn't risk hurting her again.

* * *

Bella expected that it would be more difficult for her to be somewhat in charge of this situation. She wasn't expecting to be so confident in it for certain. In reality, she was still very much behind as far as any type of experience was concerned. And yet, it seemed almost… easy. She didn't have to think about what to do so much as simply to _feel _it. That was simple if she just let her natural urges and wants to take over.

But Bella figured there were other reasons why she wasn't having difficulties. For one thing, she was comfortable with Jasper. She didn't fear that he would make fun of her or something of that nature because she hadn't done this before. The thought of him doing such a thing was laughable. He would never, not being the gentleman that he was. So that was one fear that Bella needn't worry about. But the main reason she was at ease was because she was putting him before herself. She wanted him to feel comfortable to, to not worry so much about what could happen and instead, to just focus on what _was _happening.

Being on top of him made everything feel so much different. Or perhaps, Bella was still getting used to how good it felt with him inside of her. The fact that it didn't hurt quite so much this time was a definite benefit for the both of them. Every time she moved, she could feel every inch of him and she suspected it had something to do with the different angle. Whatever it was, it felt amazing. She braced herself on her knees as she moved, but still kept her body low so she could feel him beneath her and so that she could lean down to kiss him easily whenever she wanted.

She opened her eyes and look down at him when he moaned her name and as a result, the sight of him with his half-lidded gaze drew a sound from her as well. "I love you too," she mumbled against his mouth, brushing her lips against his before adding, "So much," with another groan.

She would have failed to miss the way he was gripping the sheets if she couldn't fail to notice that his hands weren't on her. Of course she knew the reason. But Bella wanted him to know she trusted him. He already knew she trusted him with her heart; he needed to know she trusted him with her body as well. She reached for one of his hands, softly closing over it and trying to work his fingers loose from the fabric of the sheets. While she was still moving her hips into his, she attempted to weave her fingers with his and draw their hands up by his shoulder. Her other hand did the same to try and work open his other one so she could place it on her hip.

Bella needed to feel Jasper's hands on her. She needed him to know she wanted it. Leaning down, she caught his mouth in a kiss hopefully before he could protest too much. "Trust me," she whispered. "Look here. Just at me," she reminded him.

* * *

It was difficult for him to think about much else besides how beautiful she was. Jasper loved to see her show her confidence. Bella was such a beautiful young woman, with all the reason in the world to be confident. She did not realize this, and it made her incredibly humble about almost everything. Jasper loved this about her, but he also loved when he got to see those few moments when she did step out of her shell and project the confidence he knew she had inside of her.

It was also quite breathtaking to see his beautiful love moving on top of him like that. He wanted to touch her, to kiss her everywhere and hold her against him. He wanted so much more than what he felt he was able to give her, and that made him feel a little sad. Though, it wasn't easy to feel sad when he was making love to her, really. The way she was rocking her hips was sending jolts of pleasure through his body all at once. Nothing could take away from how special and intimate their first time was, but Jasper had to admit that this was probably something that was going to get better and better every time. He hadn't expected there to be a second time, but here they were.

He had his Bella, and nothing else mattered.

As Bella reached for his hand, Jasper hesitated to let go of the sheet. It didn't matter if he tore it to pieces or gripped it with all his strength. But Bella, he could really do a considerable amount of damage to her. Even kill her. He trusted her, more than anyone else, but he didn't trust _himself_, and that was the problem. Jasper let her do as she wished with his hands, but he was so hesitant to move any further with them. The only reason he hadn't drawn them away was because the were in the midst of making love, and he wasn't exactly in a state to fight her right now. Looking into her eyes, he wanted to believe her trust was well-placed. He wanted to think that they would be okay. As they kissed, he tried so hard to believe her. Her words reached him, and he locked eyes with her as his hand steadied her above him and his fingers laced with hers.

Jasper started moving his hips a bit faster against hers, though he continued to let her keep the pace she wanted. "Just.. you.. Belle.." he whispered between raspy breaths.

* * *

Bella was happy when he let her move his hands without much out a fight at all. It was another way of letting her know that he was putting his trust in her when she asked him to. There were so many things that happened in Jasper's past to compromise his trust. They were all valid reasons too, in Bella's opinion. Maria was the blame for nearly all of them and considering that she had been Jasper's first love, that was difficult to come back from as far as being able to trust others.

But he could be assured that Bella would never betray that trust. She would never use the way he felt about her to do any harm to him. Instead, she just would be sure to continue doing everything she could to make him certain that her feelings for him were nothing but genuine. And they always would be. They were so deeply connected now on a multitude of levels. She might not have had confidence in herself always (a shame, since he appeared to like it), but she had all the confidence in the world about her relationship with Jasper. This spontaneous vacation for the two of them only solidified that. Such wouldn't have been possible with the hardships that led them to hide away from the rest of the world.

Just having his hands on her was encouraging for Bella. She loved the way it felt when his cool fingers were against her warm skin and the way that their hands fit together so perfectly wasn't lost on her, even now when she was in the throes of ecstasy. And she was. Though she would have liked for this to last so much longer, it was an impossibility considering the way they were moving with one another. He was letting her be the one to determine the pace, but Bella was losing herself in it. The movements of her hips against his became quicker and more purposeful as her muscles started to tighten. Her hand pushed his down into the mattress and she squeezed his fingers tightly as she cried out, eyes closing when she reached her climax. It was nothing short of incredible. Bella arched her back slightly as she rode of the waves of pleasure that overtook her.

"Jasper," she gasped, unable to keep from holding his hand so tightly until she finished. When she did, she all but collapsed against him, but made sure not to interfere with him getting off by continuing to move her hips accordingly.

* * *

Jasper could barely hold on to his sanity while she moved on top of him. He was so close to reaching the peak of his pleasure that it was difficult not to give into it. But he wanted more than anything for her to enjoy it, for her to reach that point with him, or just before. He knew it was building within her because he'd come to learn how she felt just before she reached the brink of ecstasy. He did not use his power to manipulate her into feeling the way she did, but he did use it to heighten what was already there in order to allow her to feel it for as long as possible.

He felt her starting to tighten around him, the heat from being inside her surrounding him and wrapping around him as well. Jasper moaned and held her against him. He took care not to squeeze her hand, though he wanted to. He wanted to clutch onto her while his own climax ripped through him but instead he just kept his hand steady on her hip while she rode out her own orgasm. His caused his hips to jerk up against hers a few times as he spilled his release into her.

A long time ago Emmett had taken it upon himself to find out about that - when Edward was with Bella, if they could ever "do it," as he'd so lovingly put it at the time. Jasper had rolled his eyes about it back then, but he was loving his bear of a brother a great deal right now for finding out that sexual interaction between a vampire and a human was possible, though very rarely ever achievable because of the temptations.

When he came down from his high induced by his climax, Jasper laid still against the bed, bringing both arms around her to hold her lovingly. He did not squeeze her, but did hold her securely.

"I love you," he whispered, panting. He didn't need the oxygen, but to breathe like that was instinct after what they'd just done."I love you so much."

He nuzzled into her hair and breathed in her sweet scent. It took him a few minutes to move, but when he was finally able to he turned her over to lay beside him. After he laid her there, Jasper held her to him and started to kiss her tenderly. He held her gently, stroking her arm as he kissed her lips. He pulled back, just enough to press his forehead to hers and allow her to breathe.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered. Jasper knew she didn't take compliments that well, but he couldn't help it. She'd be able to feel his sincerity, and he hoped she'd take it to heart.

* * *

If Bella could pause everything in order to freeze frame a moment, she would have just so she could see the way his face looked when he reached the peak of his climax. The features of his angel-painted visage were the perfect combination of concentration and determination. And yet somehow, he looked so peaceful almost. It was strange to think, but Bella could _see _it as the emotions played out on his face. There was a part of him that was so… unguarded. Jasper was a person that was driven by emotions and while Bella was used to that now, it was still such a treat for her to be able to witness when they were nothing but bliss.

She sighed as soon as his arms were around her. They weren't holding her tightly, no. But she felt safe. Secure. Protected. She never realized she would _like_ feeling such a way, but she loved it. She loved _him_. Butterflies were set into motion in her stomach when he told her the same. Those words never failed to have that effect on her. It just seemed to sound sweeter when he was short of breath when he said it and he was still inside of her. She nuzzled her face against his neck when he breathed in the scent of her hair and again, she sighed from being nothing but content. Another sound was made when he rolled her over and pulled out of her, a soft-hearted groan that came along with being connected with him.

But it wasn't as if Bella could be disappointed. He was still close, kissing her sweetly and running his fingers along her skin. The chill from his own when he pressed his forehead to hers soothed her and made her own flesh not feel quite so feverish as it had minutes before. When he whispered that she was beautiful, something strange happened. Bella didn't react as she normally would have – not so quick to just brush the compliment off as a silly remark. For years, she'd done that, shying away from such accolades with a shake of her head or an uncomfortable laugh and a subject change. Even when those she loved and who she knew loved her received that reaction. But here, now, with Jasper… she believed him when he said it this time. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she was completely exposed to him. He'd seen her naked, completely unguarded and lost in the moment. And he still felt she was beautiful. Even when bruises – one that _he _was so ashamed of even though she wasn't – covered her skin, he felt that way.

"Thank you," she whispered, leaning forward to kiss him.

For a few minutes, Bella was happy to just share in those kisses. They were lazy, slow. But they were meaningful. She could have kissed him that way for hours and never tire of it. Days or weeks or months. But her stomach had other plans. When she was in the middle of kissing him, it rumbled loudly. Laughing against Jasper's lips, she felt her cheeks blush.

"I'm starving," she observed, putting a hand on her stomach. "You've left me famished." They way she said it should have been received by him as a badge of honor.

* * *

Jasper couldn't help but smile when she thanked him. He was very glad she'd taken his compliment and believed him. He hadn't expected her to, to be honest. Bella was very much like him in that regard, but he'd hoped that coming from him she'd be able to accept the notion that he believed her to be beautiful. It certainly was true. Bella's beauty was understated, but since he was able to see things so very clearly, he could see past the shyness and quiet facade she sometimes hid behind. It made him feel good that she believed him. He would've laid in bed with her for days on end, just kissing every inch of her body and worshipping her, whispering words of devotion and adoration in her ear, if he could.

He still felt guilty when his body was exposed to her. She was seeing a lie, being exposed only to the camouflage and not the real thing. While Bella told him constantly that his scars didn't bother her, he hadn't really believed her. Bella was always so quick to put her needs and concerns behind her to make way for others, Jasper just couldn't tell if she meant it or if she was saying it because she felt she had to. Either way, she couldn't see what was beneath, and that was something he still struggled with. Granted, he did not want her to see his scars, but the fact that she couldn't even if she wanted to made him feel badly.

His thoughts were momentarily lifted as Bella turned over and curled up against him. He could feel her warm lips pressing to his, and it was perfectly wonderful. Her lazy, slow kisses were returned in a similar fashion. He loved those lingering kisses, because he was able to taste her for a longer period of time that way. Her lips were so very sweet; he couldn't get enough of her kisses. He pulled away when he heard her stomach announce its need for nutrients. His mouth curved into a sideways grin. He could feel the flush rushing to her cheeks and smell the blood. For a moment he hesitated, and held his breath until he regained his composure.

"Yes, we'll make you some breakfast," he said, and kissed her forehead. "I think you've left me famished, too," he confessed.

His eyes would've been considerably darker. They were not by any means the charcoal black that would indicate he was running on empty, but they were a much darker shade of gold than they'd been the day before. Jasper had spent an abundance of what would be the vampiric equivalent to energy while making love to her. He'd had to use a lot of control as well, which had sped up the time he'd need between feedings.

"I'll need to hunt today, for certain." He was more thinking out loud at this point, but he quickly turned his focus back to her and started to kiss her jawline slowly. "Will you take your breakfast in bed, my love?"

* * *

Bella wouldn't be able to tell that Jasper was still having reservations with his body. At least, not at this particular moment. She had told him time and time again that his scars didn't bother her. But she didn't expect him to believe her when he spent years and years being made to think otherwise. She couldn't blame him for that. He had justified reasons for his insecurities. But even though she couldn't blame him for those apprehensions didn't mean that she felt at ease with him experiencing them.

On the contrary, it put an ache in Bella's heart to think that he was so ashamed of himself in regard to his scars. It wasn't so much that he was ashamed of them _himself_, but rather, that he worried she wouldn't feel the same about him if she was able to see the physical reminders of his dark past on his skin in the form of his scars. That was so far from the truth. Bella would love Jasper just as much even if he displayed ten times the amount of marks he housed now where she could plainly see them on a daily basis. She wasn't sure how she would change his thought patterns in reference to her feelings about his scars, but she made it a point to try.

For now, however, she couldn't detect anything as being wrong. Everything, on the contrary, felt perfect. When he kissed her, touched her skin, there was no other way to feel. Her eyes met his when he said that he too, was left hungry as a result of the past several hours they'd spent together. She did note the darkened gold color that differed from the day before. It was hard to tell when they were making love since Bella knew her own eyes had darkened during those times as well – due to desire and utter want. She nodded then, when he said he would need to hunt.

Bella began to think again on the fact that they needed to probably return home sooner rather than later. But before she could verbally voice her thoughts, his lips were on her jawline again and all previous thoughts were lost.

"Mm," she murmured when he spoke and it took her a second to realize what he was saying. "No," she said when she focused again. "I feel like cooking." As much as she would have loved to stay in bed with him, Bella thought it would be good to stretch her legs a bit and do something productive. Stretching against him, she sighed against his neck before sitting up.

Tucking the sheet under her arms, she stole it away as she stood from the bed, wrapping it around her naked body. The reason wasn't so much that she was ashamed of being naked in front of him – that would be silly now. But rather, so he couldn't see her bruises, which she knew would change his mood instantly.

"Just give me a couple of minutes," she said, heading off to the bathroom to clean up. She needed it considering their activities and imagined she probably looked something of a mess. On the way, she stopped by the closet to grab something to wear, but instead of her own clothes, she grabbed one of Jasper's shirts instead.

* * *

Jasper watched her lovingly as she stretched against his body and then moved to stand up. It was a shame that she'd wrapped herself in that sheet. He'd have been very happy to gaze at her beautiful body all day long. He had his memory, though. It was probably smart of her to do that so he wouldn't see all the bruises, though. While they did not take away from her beauty, he probably would not have been able to get past his guilty conscience by seeing them.

He was left a bit.. exposed when she took the sheet with her. Jasper was very modest about his appearance, though he'd gotten better about it with her. Still, he couldn't help but lay back down and turn over after she moved into the bathroom. There was a smile on his lips as he saw her grab one of his shirts. While she was gone, Jasper curled up with her pillow and closed his eyes. If he could've fallen asleep just then, he might have. He was so content and happy, without a care in the world. Everything seemed so perfect. He sighed softly at the thought, and held her pillow a little tighter.

That was when it hit him.

Things had never been perfect for them. Even at their happiest, at the point where they'd realized their love for one another, things weren't perfect. That was how Jasper knew his love for her was true. Perfection wasn't real. His eyes opened partially. He didn't _want _this realization to strike him, but it had. He knew that while they might have been happy staying here for several more days or even weeks, that it was just postponing the inevitable. They weren't living in their reality, no matter how wonderful this was. It had been completely necessary for them to get away and escape that reality for a time, but that time was over.

Jasper didn't know how to bring up the topic to their conversation. It wasn't exactly something that he knew either one of them wanted to deal with, but surely both of them knew it would come up eventually. He didn't let it affect or shift his mood. The last thing he wanted to do right now was take away from the happiness they were sharing that morning. It would have to be soon though, and he knew that he couldn't avoid it forever. He got up slowly from the bed and slid into some pajama bottoms that fit low on his hips. The sun was peaking in from behind the clouds in the sky, casting a soft glow on his skin. It shimmered lightly and Jasper was forced to look at the scars on his arms. He took comfort as he looked at them, knowing that while his marks were permanent, Bella's would fade over time. He'd protect her, and ensure that it would stay that way always.

As he stepped out of the sun's light, he moved to stand at the railing of the loft overlooking the first floor.

* * *

When Bella got into the bathroom, she did nothing but turn around and lean her back again the door, closing her eyes to remember the way she felt at that moment. Happy. It wasn't the first time she'd acknowledged the emotion since she'd woken up in Jasper's arms that morning, but it lingered steadily. That was more than all right with her. She hugged her arms around herself as if she were trying to wrap herself up fully in the feeling in order to secure it. But even where she stood now, she was sure she could feel Jasper's contentment as well. That was such an encouraging feeling.

Moving to the mirror, she finally caught a glimpse of herself. Her eyes still looked darker somehow, like the passion of the intimate past twenty-four hours she spent with him had forever changed her. Bella wasn't going to argue against that fact. It was true in her opinion – she would never be the same. Her hair was wild, sticking out in every which way from his hands being in it and the way she moved against the bed the evening before. Her hair hadn't been dried properly after the shower she and him took together, which certainly accounted for how messy it was now. But somehow, Bella didn't really care. Normally, she would have at least tried desperately to tame it somehow or make it look more presentable, but for now, she only combed through it a few times with her fingers to relax it a bit.

Her fingers moved then to touch her lips. In her reflection, though, when she went to marvel at the way they were swollen from so much kissing, her eyes caught sight of the bruises on her forearm. She frowned then, remembering how upset they'd made Jasper. When she dropped the sheets (ones that she only now realized were ripped), she could see why they'd upset him so much. Her waist and hips were covered in purplish-colored marks. They looked a lot worse than they felt, but when Bella stretched, she winced slightly as she observed how tender she was. Thankfully, he wouldn't see that. It only would have set him off again and Bella was desperately trying to stray away from such a thing. For that reason, she busied herself with cleaning up.

After she'd washed off her body somewhat with a damp cloth, she dried herself off again with a towel, mindful of her new marks. After brushing her teeth thoroughly and doing anything else she needed in the morning, she dressed in the button-down shirt she'd snagged of Jasper's on her way to the bathroom. As soon as she slid her arms through the sleeves, the immediate sense of happiness flooded her again, coming along with his scent that now enveloped her. The shirt was quite big on her of course and it covered her completely. The sleeves needed to be rolled up, but she only did so to her wrists. It was a good choice of clothing to conceal things that were unnecessary to see – her bruises namely.

It only took her a second to spot him when she emerged from the bathroom, but before she could actually lay her eyes on him, Bella could feel the way Jasper's mood had changed.

Worry.

The feeling permeated the air in their little cabin. But then it seemed to disappear in a way, almost as if he were trying to combat it. She couldn't have imagined it though. When she was so prone to the happiness radiating between them, any change was significant. She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist from the back. Kissing his spine, she nuzzled her face into his skin before speaking.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked. "Or what _were_ you just thinking about?" she clarified, taking a step around him so she could look up and face him to study his expression.

* * *

While he continued to wait for her to return, Jasper tried not to think of the realization he'd just had too much. He knew he'd probably slipped enough to allow her to feel his worry, and he did not want to cause her concern just yet. At the same time, he did always want her to know his true feelings and never hide anything from her. He was a creature ruled by his emotions. Trying to function under false pretenses did not bode well for him. It would cause his true feelings to build up inside of him and eventually overwhelm him. Something like this did not need to be the cause for a melt down. The only reason he was not permitting his concerns to flow freely through his emotions was because he did not want to take away from any of her happiness at the moment.

Jasper did not have to turn and look to know she was coming towards him. He could hear her footsteps, however quiet, as she approached. Her scent became stronger, her heartbeat became louder. When he felt her warm arms slide around his bare stomach, followed by soft kisses and nuzzles against his back, he couldn't help but allow a rare smile to cross his lips. Jasper did not smile too often; he smirked frequently, but true, genuine smiles were usually few and far between. Unless he was with Bella, then he found himself smiling much more frequently. An expression of happiness, even as simple as a smile, would have probably looked foreign on a face like his with his intense features, but because he possessed such ethereal beauty, his smile would still have been charming no matter how out of place it might have seemed to be.

As she spoke and repositioned herself, Jasper did turn to look down at her. Her question was not one he wanted to answer. Not the second part, at least. Though it did open the door to begin the conversation, he did not particularly want to engage in it. Now was probably as good of a time as any, but he chose to answer the former question first.

"I was thinking about you just now," he replied honestly. "How beautiful you are..." Jasper leaned down and kissed her very tenderly. He slid his hand down the curve of her waist, around to rest against the small of her back. "How much I love you..." He kissed her again, and ran his other hand slowly through her hair. "How much I want to protect you..."

Jasper opened his eyes as he spoke the last of his list of thoughts. He couldn't keep his worries from her. That last one was his segway into his previous thoughts. "We need to go back," he said calmly.

His expression gave no hint of sadness; he just lightly stroked her cheek with his fingertips and held her against him. "Soon. Probably tomorrow."

* * *

There was a blush on her cheeks when he chose to answer the first part of her question initially rather than the one where she'd corrected herself to express what she'd really meant to inquire about. When he complimented her and kissed her, Bella once more felt those butterflies unleashed in her stomach. She couldn't decide which she loved more – the sweet words or the way his lips moved softly against hers. But was there really a need to choose? If he offered them both so freely, Bella would cherish them rather than question them.

She met Jasper's eyes when he told her the truth about what he'd been thinking about. Or at least, what he'd been thinking about when she detected the change in his mood earlier. It wasn't as surprising as perhaps it should have been. After all, Bella had been thinking about the same thing earlier that very morning. It had just been easy to forget those nagging feelings that it was time to leave when every second they spent together at the cabin was nothing short of perfection. But in reality, they needed to return to Forks and see what was going on. If Jasper had a sudden feeling about it, she wondered if something specific had happened to warrant their return.

It didn't matter. They would need to leave the next day at the latest. For lack of any other reason, then to at least put his mind to rest about whatever caused him to feel a sudden hint of negativity.

"Then tomorrow we will," she said simply.

Standing on her toes, she took his face in her hands and brought his lips down to hers again for a reassuring kiss. Bella needed Jasper to know that she was fine with this decision. And she honestly was. Of course it would have just been easier to stay hidden away, just the two of them, where there was no threat of anything save for perhaps the rain ruining their day out. But even that didn't seem like much of a concern. After all, the rain is what had started their whole turn of events the day before.

Lowering back down to her feet, she gently scratched the back of his neck with her nails momentarily. "Why don't you go and hunt?" she suggested. "I'll make myself some breakfast and clean up the place a little bit. I'm sure Esme won't appreciate ripped sheets on the bed," she said with a faint grin on her face.

Somehow Bella didn't think it would be a good idea – nor very polite – to leave behind the remnants of their lovemaking. She could only imagine the field day Emmett would have with that one if he'd heard about it.

"I'll call Charlie and let him know we're coming. Carlisle too," she said.

* * *

It was a relief to Jasper when Bella responded the way she did to him. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but he'd hoped she would understand and agree with him. Of course there was some disappointment to be felt; they were staying in their own personal haven, protected by the seclusion it offered from the outside world. Jasper didn't need anything else, and leaving it behind was not exactly something he _wanted _to do. They needed to go, though, and it was reassuring to know that Bella agreed with him without hesitating. Still, it was very difficult for him to look down into her eyes and not show any signs of regret that they would have to leave.

He nodded when she suggest he go hunt. Leaving now, he'd be back in time for them to spend the rest of the day together, and the evening as well. He did not want to dwell on the sadness that leaving might bring. Part of him wondered if maybe they should leave sooner, so that the _thought _of leaving wouldn't be looming over them, ticking away the minutes until they departed. But they could address that later. He'd hunt now, and they'd figure out what they were going to do next afterwards. "Don't clean everything, all right? I was the one who made the mess of the sheets. At least leave that for me to take care of." He smiled a little and kissed her forehead.

His thoughts then drifted to their fathers. Carlisle of course understood the situation in its entirety and he also knew that Jasper, while his son emotionally and for the purpose of their existence was also an adult and could make his own decisions. It wasn't the first time Jasper had left for an extended period of time, either. For Charlie, however, the circumstances were different. He didn't know all the obstacles his daughter was facing, all the danger and stress she was dealing with everyday. He didn't even know she and Jasper were dating until they'd left. While the police chief had once regarded Jasper kindly, as he'd been the one to bring Bella home the night she'd gone missing, he probably did not have the same feelings for the tall blond vampire now. It really was a wonder that Carlisle and Esme had manage to calm Charlie down enough not to send search parties out for them. But Jasper knew better than to think that Charlie would welcome them back with open arms.

"I'll talk to Carlisle," he said, locking both arms around her waist then while she played lightly with the tender skin on the back of his neck. He shivered as her nails brushed over one of his scars, then leaned down to kiss her softly. Jasper pressed their foreheads together. "You just focus on Charlie. I'm probably going to have to have Carlisle drop you off. I don't think he's going to want to see Annabelle anywhere near your house for a while." He kissed her forehead once, then smirked a little.

"Fortunately I'm quite good at climbing trees."

He let go of her then, and moved to change into some clothing more appropriate for hunting. Once he was finished, he went to find her again and swept her up in a gentle embrace.

"I'll hurry back to you," he breathed against her ear, then pulled her into a slow, but passionate kiss. When he parted from the kiss, he released her and smiled. "Enjoy your breakfast, my love."

With that, he turned and ran out, opting instead to use the deck for his exit rather than the front door. He jumped off the railing, down into the trees and disappeared.

* * *

**Author's Note:** This chapter took a little longer to get up simply because it took the longest to edit. It's the longest one to date, but it addressed a very important issue. You don't need to worry (obviously) about Jasper being too similar to Edward in that he won't touch Bella for awhile. The next chapter will feature to Volturi contacting the Cullens and will also address something very important that a LOT of you have been waiting for - the subject of Bella becoming a vampire. We know you've been anxious about that! Please review and let us know your thoughts on this chapter! Cheers!

**Lyrics: **This Could Be Heaven - Lamb


	27. Chapter 27

_And I want to wake up with the rain falling on a tin roof_  
_While I'm safe there in your arms_  
_So all I ask is for you_  
_To come away with me in the night ;;_

Saying goodbye to the cabin had been a difficult thing to do, perhaps, more so than Bella had been anticipating. It was with a heavy heart that she took one last look around their makeshift sanctuary. It felt like they had a lifetime of memories there. In a way, they did. It _felt _like the two of them had spent a lifetime there. It had just been the two of them and while that was the case, it was so easy to fall into the idea of pretending that they were living together. There, they were just a normal and happy couple. There, nothing could touch them that was tied to negativity in any way. She'd loved the way it felt to wake up with Jasper in the morning and fall asleep beside him each night. Though she'd done that frequently in her own room, it had always been deceptive in a way seeing as the two of them needed to keep it to themselves. But here, there was no reason to hide. Here, he had been able to walk around the house with her whenever he wanted. They could run around and play with each other, carefree. It wouldn't be like that when they returned back to Forks and both of them understood that. It had been understood as well that it was necessary for them to get back and so, they had no choice.

The car ride home had been a solemn one. Neither of them talked much. Instead, they just held hands and were left alone to quietly deal with their thoughts. Bella spent the time recounting every minute they spent together at the cabin. It was a good guess that Jasper had been doing that at some point during the journey home as well. Occasionally, she would close her eyes to relieve the memories. He would be able to tell when she was doing this by the certain changes in her mood. The brunette never slept though. She felt well-rested and not at all fatigued, just relaxed at being with him. Despite anything that was looming ahead of them, she was glad they didn't discuss anything that was weighted too heavily. It was mainly just simple questions – are you too cold? Are you comfortable? Do you need me to stop anywhere? The trip home seemed a lot shorter than the journey they'd taken to the fishing town.

Returning home had been much of what Bella was expecting it to be, beginning with Charlie. He swept her up into a close embrace, a gesture that had obviously stemmed from his discomfort of not knowing exactly where she had been. But then the second he let her go, his eyes were darting around her, looking desperately for someone else. The only other person he found was Carlisle, not the blonde that Charlie had been hoping for. It had been a smart idea for Jasper not to be the one to return her home; Bella didn't want him to get laid into by her father. Charlie simply thanked Carlisle for getting Bella back to him safe and sound.

Before he'd even finished closing the door, he was grounding her. A full month. She wasn't allowed to have visitors, nor was she allowed to go anywhere unless Charlie was with her. Phone calls were forbidden, which, would have been more difficult if Bella had a cell phone again. It still went without replacement after the night the newborn came to her room and she threw it in frustration when nobody came to aid Jasper.

Bella didn't fight him on it. Instead, she just took her sentence solemnly and returned to her room. She tried to keep herself busy until it was nighttime. She knew it wouldn't be long until she actually saw Jasper again. But that didn't mean the hours didn't drag on without him. After spending every last second with him for days on end, time seemed like a strange concept to her now. She took a long shower after fixing her and Charlie dinner. He was quiet throughout the meal, not questioning her yet. Bella knew that would only be a matter of time however. And she would gladly wait until then. After her shower, she dressed carefully, choosing pajamas that would cover most of her bruises. She wanted to sleep in Jasper's shirt, but with Charlie looking in on her before he went to bed, she knew it wouldn't be the best idea.

A good chunk of her time was occupied by emailing Renee. Charlie couldn't take away her computer privileges unless he yanked the computer out from her room. For a second, Bella thought he would have until she told him that she needed to get in contact with her mother and that was the best method of doing so. It was hard to know what to write in the letter she composed. She didn't want to tell her mother _too_ much, but she knew that Charlie had already informed her that Bella ran away with a boy. Her mother would be wanting the details for certain. For now, however, Bella was just going with the bare minimum. As soon as that was done, she retreated to bed, though she wasn't able to fall asleep. At least not yet. Instead, she lay awake, aimlessly staring up at the ceiling in the darkness and wondering what Jasper was doing at that very moment while he felt so far away.

* * *

It was very difficult indeed to leave the cabin. Jasper had not wanted to go at all, but rather to stay there with her forever and hide away from the rest of the world. That had been the intention, and that place had served its true purpose. They'd been able to work through some of the issues they'd had before leaving Forks, talking about their fears and insecurities, and just taking the time they needed to almost get reacquainted and more comfortable with each other. The level of closeness they now shared was far deeper than what it had been before and Jasper thought their bond was very strong even then. Now, it was unlike anything he'd ever experienced. Their time at the cabin was well spent, very necessary, and nothing short of heavenly. Jasper wanted _more _periods of time spent in that way, and that was exactly why they had to go back. In order for him to ensure that they would have more times like this, they needed to face the problems they had back in the real world.

Most of the ride back to Forks was spent in silence, but there was no tension. Jasper was fairly calm, all things considered. It actually surprised him a little bit that he could be as calm as he was given that they were heading back to face some very serious dangers and obstacles. Bella's father was a big concern; he surely would forbid Bella to see him anymore, and they both already knew she was going to be grounded. This wasn't the end of the world, of course. Jasper would still be able to come to her room at night and spend time with her. Things would just be more complicated for a while. In time, once Charlie had been given enough to calm down and see that Bella was okay, Jasper would go to him and apologize properly. That would not happen until Charlie had gotten over wanting to come after him with a shotgun.

When they were close to reaching Forks, Jasper called Carlisle to meet them at a designated place, where he reluctantly said a temporary goodbye to Bella. He did not kiss her goodbye, but not because of his usual concern for privacy; he just didn't want her to think he was leaving. He thanked Carlisle, though there was something about his father that made Jasper a bit unnerved. Carlisle was not projecting it outwardly, but Jasper could sense an edge of worry from him and that was very concerning. He did not want Bella to be nervous; they could talk about whatever it was when he came by later. Jasper watched calmly as Carlisle drove her off in his black Mercedes, then got back into his car and drove back to the house. It was a short time later before his father returned, and soon afterwards Jasper was made aware of why exactly Carlisle had been a bit unnerved before.

It was distressing news indeed.

Jasper would've been lying if he'd said he didn't expect it to happen eventually, but it seemed very premature. The Volturi's concept of time was even more off than his. A day to them could be a year in the human world, and maybe even longer than that. For them to act so quickly was very concerning. It was also infuriating.

Jasper had gone through a period of anger after hearing the news that resulted in him destroying the coffee table in Carlisle's study and nearly putting a hole in the wall with his fist had it not been for Emmett catching his arm. It was an insult. How _dare_ they show up on their territory after viciously murdering Alice and Edward, threatening Bella and traumatizing her. After all the damage they caused, they had the nerve to show themselves? Of course they did, they were the Volturi, and they did whatever they pleased. But that didn't mean Jasper had to like it. It was going to take Emmett holding him back for him not to outright lunge at Aro if he showed his face. Jasper didn't care who he brought with him.

It took him a considerable amount of time to calm down. He knew that he could not present this news to Bella with such anger coursing through him. He did not want to upset or frighten her. The situation was bad enough as it was. He needed to get to her, though. It wasn't enough that they had newborns and a sadistic vampire already out to get her, now they also had the threat of the royal elite guard breathing down their necks. Jasper suddenly found himself wishing they _had _just stayed at the cabin forever. He hunted with Emmett before making the trip to Bella's. Jasper's eyes had blackened after his outburst and he knew it bothered Bella when he did not tend to his thirst. Jasper also felt he needed to hunt because he feared his control would slip if he was thirsty and angry. He took a lot of his aggression out on his prey. It was a good way to get out his frustration.

Once he did get close to her house, he parked in a discrete location and walked the rest of the way. He quickly checked to make sure that Charlie had gone to bed, then scaled the tree outside of her window. For a moment, he just peered in at her. He could tell she was not asleep, because the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed was not the steady, calm rhythm she undertook when she slipped out of consciousness. Watching her, he felt a little better, and a strong sense of protectiveness. Jasper entered through the open window and moved to slide into bed with her. He stayed above the covers, both for her warmth and so that he'd be able to move much faster should Charlie come to check on her.

"I missed you," he whispered against her neck, then pressed a gentle kiss to her soft skin.

* * *

It was amazing how it could feel like eternities since the last time they'd seen one another. That's how it felt for Bella when she was laying awake in the dark. Like in the car ride back to Forks, she was replaying their time at the cabin back in her mind. She touched upon everything – from the first night they'd gotten there and he insisted that she get some sleep before anything else, to when they sat on the porch in the sunset and talked about the things that had driven them to the point of running away with one another and leaving the rest of the world behind them. She thought about when they encountered that blond in the little restaurant they'd eaten at when they went shopping and how Jasper, ever so sweetly of course, insinuated that he would be spending all of his time behind closed doors with Bella and no one else.

That had been mostly true, especially considering how their last two days of the trip had gone. Not to mention the time they spent in the hot tub. Bella wondered what Charlie would say if she suddenly suggested they put one in the backyard. Somehow she didn't think that would go over so well and thought that maybe even Charlie could put two and two together and figure out that something happened to spark her interest in hot tubs during her trip. Her trip with a teenaged boy. Better just to keep her wishes to herself. She sighed as she continued to dwell on their trip together, holding onto the large overstuffed moose he'd won her at the fair they attended. She wished it smelled like Jasper, but when she drew it closer to her face she decided it didn't. Her pillow no longer smelled of him either since it had been so long since either of them were in her bed.

But thankfully, it wasn't long before she had more than just his smell. She had _all_ of him.

Bella could feel his presence coming closer before she could actually see him. She didn't know quite how to read his emotions, but that was mainly due to the fact that _she _was so excited to see him again. Her eyes fluttered closed when she felt his words and then his lips against the warm skin of her neck. Turning on her side, she wrapped an arm around his torso, squishing Mortimer between them as she pressed her face against his chest.

"I missed you too," she said honestly. She'd missed him from the moment Carlisle drove her away and separated the two of them.

For a moment, she did nothing but breathe in him, taking in the scent that she had missed so much. When she was content, she reached for a kiss, pressing her lips softly against his for a few seconds. It wasn't until she leaned her forehead against his that she spoke again, and this time, it was with a heavier heart. Something was off.

"What's wrong?"

* * *

Jasper did not know how best to word what he'd found out upon their return. There really was no good way to tell her that the Volturi were making a personal visit to check up on them. How could he say it in a way that wouldn't bring back memories that would traumatize her, frighten her, upset her? He did not want to invoke any of those emotions from her. He wanted to keep her safe and away from anything or anyone that could cause her harm or pain of any kind. Part of him did not want to tell her at all, but he'd made a promise to her that he would never keep anything from her. This involved Bella directly and she had a right to know the truth. That didn't make it any easier or compel him to spill the truth to her right away, but he knew he had to.

For a moment, he just wanted to lay there with her. He wanted to close his eyes and imagine that they were back at the cabin, where the biggest dilemma they had was what Bella was going to have for breakfast that morning, or if they were going to lay in bed all day or go for a walk. He hoped that by coming back, they could eliminate all the obstacles that made those moments fantasy, and therefore turn them into reality. He knew it wasn't going to be easy, but honestly, what _was _easy? The hardships made the end results so much more worth it. It still didn't make him want to tell her, or see the look of fear that no doubt would cross her features, but he knew he couldn't lie to her. That was the only thing he wanted to do less than tell her the truth.

"When Carlisle returned to the house, he produced a letter which he had received," he said quietly, keeping his tone low so that in case Charlie was lying awake in his room, he would not hear another voice in Bella's room. He gently stroked her hair, and looked into her eyes. "It was from the Volturi leaders," he said, his jaw visibly clenching.

"It seems they're.. anxious.. about the progression of what Alice said she saw." The stress in his features and the tension in his voice, would show just how hard he was trying to keep his calm; this was not something that was easy for him to talk about. Mortimer was feeling it; Jasper had one of his legs in a death grip.

"The visit they spoke of will be coming to pass very soon. Much sooner than we anticipated. I thought for certain we'd have a few years to prepare, at the very least." He closed his eyes a moment, and the imaginary setting of their cabin suddenly seemed very, very far away. "I think right now we're talking about a matter of a few weeks at best." Jasper's shoulders tensed as he forced down a rush of anger at the thought of them anywhere near the Cullen house.

"I'm.. I'm so sorry, Bella. I.. I'll.. I'll think of something. I promise I'll keep you safe."

* * *

From the second that Jasper mentioned 'Volturi', Bella's demeanor completely was altered.

Her blood seemed to run cold and her entire body tensed instantaneously. Just the name of the ancient vampire clan was enough to have such a physiological effect on her. But that was nothing compared to what it had done psychologically. Instantly, she was flooded with images from the last time she had encountered them. She swore she could still feel the way their cold hands gripped her to keep her from trying to stop the horrors unfolding in front of her eyes. She could still hear the eerie tinkling laughter that resonated from their leader while her love and her dear friend had the life sucked out of them. She could still feel the burn in her throat and her nose from the smoke.

Because she was flooded with the memories, she nearly missed the actual point of what Jasper was saying. A letter. They were coming. Aro was going to make good on his word. Those echoes of horrifying promises as she was pushed out of the dark underground in the early springtime still haunted her. 'What Alice saw' was Bella as immortal, one of them. It was something she wanted so badly in the past, something she ached for. But her desires had been stifled when Aro spoke of his desire to also have her transformed. Their reasons were in opposition of one another's. He wanted to collect her – just as he had wanted Edward and Alice. Bella wanted to have an eternity to spend with the person she loved. But the cruelty of the Volturi leader ensured that would be an impossibility.

Being with Jasper, Bella had been blissfully unaware of the Volturi. She hadn't thought or heard anything from them in the time since she confessed to him what truly happened in Italy on that tragic night when he lost both a wife and a brother. She didn't have reason to fear when she was with him and the times when she _did _had been in regard to Victoria and the army she was creating. Either that, or losing Jasper to someone like Maria, a strong fear she'd had after that day when she wandered across the two of them in the forest. Those fears, save for the latter, still existed and now the worst of all would be coming into play much sooner rather than later from the sound of what Jasper was saying.

"A few _weeks_?" she whispered in repeat.

It wasn't just to keep quiet from Charlie in the next room, but rather, because Bella suddenly felt like her voice was gone. How would they manage? The two of them hadn't even discussed the possibility of Bella being changed or the necessity of even having the discussion considering Aro's threat to be paying a visit. Now it seemed like the conversation was to be inevitable. But before she could even get into it, before she could even speak of it with Jasper before anyone else, she had to assure him of something else first.

"I won't let anything happen to you," she said, vowing it to him.

Yes, she was fragile and weak and could be taken out of the equation in less than a second, but she would refuse to let anything happen to Jasper. Or at least, she would die trying to protect him. He just swore to protect her, but Bella didn't feel like she was the one in danger. She was the object that Aro wanted to collect. Anyone who stood in the way of that was the one in danger. She wouldn't let that happen to him. Not her Jasper. She wouldn't lose a love again.

"We need to figure this out," she said, trying to calm herself so that he would be able to do the same. "What did Carlisle say on the matter?"

* * *

Jasper had anticipated this sort of reaction from her. He knew this wasn't going to produce a positive reaction from her and rightfully not. He himself had lost his temper and destroyed furniture upon hearing the news. He did not think Bella would resort to such extremes, but he had prepared himself for the worst, be it getting angry or falling apart and crying over the traumatic memories she had involving the royal group of vampires. There was a mix of emotions that he could feel coming from her. She was shocked, afraid, angry, sad, and even a bit determined, most of which were the same as the emotions he had been experiencing too.

"I did not read all of the letter," he confessed. "I.. lost my temper a bit after the first two paragraphs. What I understand is that they intend to make sure we uphold the demands they have set. They want to see our progress."

That progress was Bella's transformation. Jasper did not particularly want to discuss that. It didn't seem necessary to him, though now that the circumstances were drastically different with the impending visit, he knew it was inevitable. He knew she had once desired to be changed, but after what happened with Edward and Alice, it had never been discussed again. Alice had once said she saw the transformation in Bella's future, but Jasper was certain she had seen herself still in the picture at that point too. The surrounding circumstances were different, and Jasper wasn't sure how to approach the matter now.

Her vow to protect him was a bit of a surprise. He knew that Bella did not like to be considered fragile and Jasper understood how that felt. He knew what it was like to be the "weakest link" in the chain, as he'd always considered himself that with his family. Jasper did not like to make it obvious that their were extreme differences in their strength, or that they were a different _species_. Sometimes it couldn't be helped; the first time they'd made love was a prime example of that.

The differences in their kind were very obvious in this situation, for it was his kind that was posing the threat, just as it had been before. Bella would be no match for any of them. Jasper wasn't even sure he was strong enough - even with all of his family at his side - to make a difference. After all, the Volturi was the elite of vampires. There was a reason they held the status they did and that they were the ones who called the shots. It was that reason that they were afraid right now of what was to come.

Jasper didn't say anything to her to counter her vow to protect him. He knew she needed that promise, that thought and that determination, in order to keep it together, to give her a sense of purpose. He was not going to be the one to take it from Bella; not right now at least. He would not let her put herself in danger for him, but he understood her desire to want to keep him safe, because he shared that with her, _for _her. He nodded when she said they needed to figure things out. He agreed with that whole-heartedly. There was much that they needed to figure out, but there were complications that would prevent him from drawing proper strategies that were without flaws.

The family always looked to him in times of danger because he was the strategist. He was the one who knew how to face other vampires and fight them off. He was the one with answers, and yet Jasper was drawing a blank. He was too close to this situation to think clearly. These were the people who killed his wife and brother, and forever traumatized Bella for subjecting her to watching and experiencing first hand the type of cruelty they could impose. That alone was enough to put Jasper over the edge. The other problem was that without Alice's gift of foresight, they did not know which of the group would be coming. Aro had conveniently - and no doubt purposefully - left out who would be accompanying him. Since he couldn't be sure who they would be facing, he could only speculate. That meant he had to come up with several scenarios and how they would react to each. It was stressing him out already and he'd only been made aware of this for the past few hours.

"Carlisle wants to stall," he replied. "He intends to use their own laws to keep them at bay. They heavily encourage discretion on our part. Carlisle believes that by telling them that we reside in a small town, the humans are still reeling from the deaths.. that have already occurred." He carefully worded it, though nothing sounded right; it all hurt to say.

"It would draw too much attention to us right now for there to be another connected to our family."

It was not an easy topic to discuss, and they both knew that. But Jasper would be strong for her. He would show her that it was going to be all right. They would get through this one step at a time. Starting with this talk.

* * *

Bella was quiet after he'd told her what Carlisle's response had been. Her mind drifted back to the time when she was on the plane with Alice to Italy and the subject was discussed. She could remember how badly she wanted Alice to go through with it and just change her herself. Alice had been so willing, even though it would have been against Edward's wishes. It didn't matter that she said she didn't know if she would be able to do it for the simple fact that she didn't know if she would be able to stop. It was the fact that she had been willing to. It was what Bella had been wanting more than _anything_.

If it would have been possible, Bella would have been content with Alice biting her right then and there – which she'd even asked her to do. Perhaps then the story would have played out differently. By the time she was in Volterra, it would have distracted the Volturi. Alice would have certainly have been able to keep her life and Bella was convinced that Edward would have somehow been able to keep his as well. That, of course, hadn't happened, and because Bella was still very much a mortal, there was quite a lot on controversy on all of their plates.

But if she wasn't…

Perhaps she should have given more thought to the issue before there was reason to fear for it, before it became a serious matter that was one to be considered as a result of a looming threat instead of just rehashing a previous desire of hers. It was not as if Bella didn't have reason to want immortality. There were so many factors that went beyond just the impending danger of the Roman clan and Aro's sickening need to collect to make them larger, even more all-powerful. Bella, whether human, immortal or otherwise, would of course never join their ranks. Aro surely had to know that after what had transpired the first and last time she had any contact with the eerie leader.

For someone else though, she would.

For someone who she loved. For someone she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, a life that was far too short in human terms. A life that didn't seem fair with a deadline on it, a ticking clock that would haunt her every single day that passed and grew closer to her inevitable end. That someone was with her now.

Jasper.

The thought of not being with him any longer made her feel sick to her stomach. Even now, thinking about it, caused her to bring a hand to her belly to settle the sudden queasy feeling it brought along with it. He would probably misconstrue that, thinking that it had more to do with the anticipation of the Volturi coming than anything negative concerning how much time she had left on this world with him.

For not thinking about it at all recently, immortality was all that consumed Bella's thoughts now.

Could it be a possibility? What would Jasper's thoughts be on the matter? It was nothing they'd ever discussed before. Surely he knew about Alice's visions in the past about Bella becoming like one of them. But how would she know his true thoughts on the matter? Now that they were involved in a serious relationship, that changed everything as well. It certainly changed the way Bella thought of it. It would be so much more forgiving in terms of them interacting with one another if she couldn't be broken. She would never have to witness a look of worry or hurt crossing his beautiful features again for fear that he would somehow injure her even without trying.

Carlisle had made a good point for wanting to stall using the excuse he planned on. But Bella found a flaw.

"There are other excuses they could give for me not being around," she said. "Moving away, going to college, anything," she said with a frown turning down her lips.

And that was the truth. It would be all too easy for one of their members to think up another elaborate story, one that would be believable to the public. If they were about discretion, then it wouldn't be that difficult. But what about a different solution altogether?

"What if… What if I _was_… changed," she said, almost cautiously, breeching the subject. "Aro won't settle for anything else. If I am… then we could avoid what might happen if… I'm not," she said, searching for Jasper's gaze in the darkness.

* * *

Bella's words shocked him. Of all the scenarios he'd already played out in his head, the thought of her undergoing the transition from human to vampire was not one of them. The idea of Bella writhing in pain, suffering as her life slipped away all for the sake of hopefully sparing them any sort of punishment just did not set well with Jasper. Aro did not deserve the satisfaction after the suffering he'd already caused the family and Bella. Jasper didn't fear him; truthfully he _wanted _to face him down. The problem was that there were several powerful vampires that would stand in his way.

Jasper was not against the idea of Bella becoming a vampire one day.

He did not _like_ the idea of ending her life, or the image of her suffering because of the pain the venom would induce as it shut down her body's signs of life. He did not want to think of her in pain at all. He always wanted to _keep _her from feeling pain, not be the cause of it. If he was miserable over a few bruises, he couldn't imagine what it would be like if he poisoned her with his venom. Still, this was not something he would adamantly deny her. It was her life, and she could decide the way she wanted to live it. He did not intend to give his opinion on it, for he had reasons for which he _wanted_ her to become a vampire, and of course, ones to prevent it from happening as well.

"Bella.. I.. I understand your feelings, that you want to protect us all from Aro's hand - rather, the hand of his underlings," he said, correcting himself; Aro wouldn't need to lift a hand if he brought someone as strong as Felix or even little Jane. "But it would make him all the more curious and eager to have you at his side if you were changed. It would make it easier for him to take you." Jasper furrowed his brow, thinking on it further.

"Besides.. This.. this is the wrong reason to want to undergo this transition. The decision is something that.. well, you should never be faced with a decision like this. But given the circumstances... It would be foolish of me to think this wouldn't eventually come up." Jasper shifted in her bed to sit up, resting his back against the headboard. He gently pulled her up against him, to allow her to rest against his chest.

"I knew we'd talk about this someday. I just did not believe it would be under these conditions. Whatever you eventually decide you want to do, I want it to be for the right reasons. _Not_ because of Aro. We can handle him; I'll come up with something. I just can't stand the thought of you sacrificing your entire life for someone as despicable as him. It's not right. It's not fair to you."

He tightened his arms around her, though not enough to cause her harm. Just enough to be protective. "I think he would be more likely to pursue taking you if you were a vampire, Bella. He won't want to take you as a human. It's too risky. He wants someone else to do the work for him, otherwise he would have taken you before, when you were there. While you're human, I believe you're safe... as inaccurate as that sounds."

* * *

From the way Jasper initially reacted to her words, Bella knew right off the bat that she should have continued. Or at the very least, she should have rephrased what she said. Because her words didn't exactly mirror her thoughts. Not entirely. The way she had said it could have easily been misconstrued as the only reason she wanted to was in order to appease Aro's wishes and thus, avoid a conflict altogether.

There would be a conflict no matter what happened. But it would have been worse, in her opinion, if she was not changed and instead, was to remain mortal for the time being. Still, that hadn't been what was running through her mind when the thought of immortality was on it. When Jasper pulled her up to rest against his chest when he leaned back against her headboard, Bella complied, but she maintain enough of a distance between them so that she could look at him while she spoke. He needed to know how serious she was in what she was going to say, how she would explain how he'd been wrong about her reasoning.

"Jasper…" she started, glancing at the wall behind him for a moment before locking her gaze on his, just needed a moment to collect her thoughts and think about how to go about saying what she needed to.

"Aro isn't the reason I want immortality. He might be the reason it's in question or why it's something to think about now," she said. "But the Volturi-" She paused at the name. "-the Volturi would never be the reason I would choose to live a different life. But.. _you _are," she said softly, chocolate eyes still on his when she brought a hand to rest gently against his chest where his heart would have been beating beneath.

"I love you," she said. "That _is_ the right reason if ever there was one. I don't want to think about growing older without you. I don't want-"

She paused again, shaking her head and squeezing her eyes shut, trying to erase the imagery of herself, old and wrinkled with age, and Jasper, still young and beautiful as always.

"I _can't_ think about that," she said. The fact that her nineteenth birthday was getting closer and closer was another constant reminder. "We might not have talked about this before, but that doesn't mean it isn't something I want," she said. "I do."

* * *

Jasper sighed softly and closed his eyes for a moment. This was.. a rather difficult subject to talk about. He did not feel right about telling Bella his own wishes because he felt they were selfishly motivated.

Of course he wanted her to become a vampire. He wanted Bella to be with him from now until the end of eternity. He wanted to be with her always, until the end of time. But that wasn't reason enough for her to make her decision. He could not voice his opinion to try to sway her. That would have been extremely wrong of him and he wasn't going stray from that.

He had to say _something_, though. Jasper didn't want to lie to her and tell her he didn't want her to undergo the transition. He just didn't want her to experience the transition itself. If there hadn't been any pain involved, he wouldn't have quite as much trouble with it. But Jasper knew all too well what went on during a vampire's transformation. He had witnessed countless transitions and felt the pain of all of them. Feeling that from Bella probably would not bear well with him. The idea alone was enough to send a chill down his spine.

It did mean a lot to him that she at least thought she wanted immortality. Jasper wasn't sure she really knew what she was saying or what she would be getting herself into by taking on the life of a vampire. She'd be giving up so much, sacrificing a lot of things she probably didn't realize she would miss upon undergoing the transformation.

"Bella.. I.. understand that desire. I can feel what you're feeling and I understand what you're saying," he said. "But there is so much more to consider. Have you thought about what you would be giving up by gaining immortality?" he asked, his expression serious. It was not harsh, just very intense. This was not something to make light of, nor could he find it in him to smile just yet.

"You would be leaving Charlie behind, and your mother. You can't eat food, you can't sleep, your human memories will fade. I would probably have to take you into isolation for the first year or two," he said.

He frowned a little, then shook his head. "I'm not trying to push you in either direction. I just want you to consider every side to this .. not just me."

The thought of Bella aging until her eventual death wasn't something he wanted to think about either. He would still love her just as much, if not more as time went on. But losing her would be devastating. Loving her for eternity wold be enough to sustain him; he would just live within his memories of her. But that didn't mean he wanted her to die.

* * *

It _was _a difficult subject to talk about indeed. This wasn't the first time Bella had had this discussion. It may have been the first time with Jasper, but the times she spoke of this with Edward had been countless. No extended period of time could pass after the whole incident with James in the ballet studio without Bella mentioning how badly she wished to be different, to be like Edward and his family. Perhaps the thought would not have been so pressing if Alice hadn't confessed that she had seen the change. Bella knew that the visions were subjective, but it was a vision nonetheless. It was a vision that Bella herself would have paid anything to be able to see through her own eyes.

But Edward never budged on his stance. He was insistent that things continue exactly as they were. Of course, he always reminded her that he would love her even when she continued to age, but it didn't sit well with Bella. The time, the constant progression drove them apart in her eyes and it was always in the back of her mind. Despite her desperation, his refusal had been resolute.

All too quickly, it was too late.

After everything happened in Volterra, Bella wished that the clock would tick faster, age her quickly, bring her closer to her inevitable death. Before that, she wished that things would go slower, draw out all the minutes, hours, days, years. But leaving her alive had been Aro's way of leaving her to suffer. He knew that without knowing the depths of the situation between her and Edward, and what losing him would mean. There would be no reason for Bella to want to live forever any longer.

Not until now. Not until Jasper healed her heart and in the process, captured it. The possibility of losing him, whether it was because of a ominous threat such as the Volturi, or because she was simply getting older in years, scared her more than any of the evils that potentially faced them.

Every one of his points was valid. But they had been ones that Bella had considered before and she could counter each and every one of them.

"Food? Sleep? I could do without those, Jasper. Sleep especially," she said, thinking briefly about how wonderful it would be to never have to fear having nightmares when she closed her eyes. The other things he mentioned were not so easy to give up, but Bella, again, could counter those as well.

"I'm not worried about losing human memories because we can make more. We'll have _forever_ to make hundreds of new ones. Thousands. And you," she said, her eyes widening slightly. "You said that yours become clearer when you're with me. That could only mean that mine will be clearer when I'm with _you_," she reasoned.

Leaving Charlie and Renee would be the most difficult of the things that he mentioned. "I'll see my parents again," she said, vowing it more than simply stating it. "It… Even if it took some time, it won't be forever. And… I'll have _you_," she said. That was enough. Having Jasper would be enough.

"I _have_ thought about what I'd be giving up," she said. "But I've also thought about what I'd be gaining." Her fingers lifted to trace over his cheek, brushing her thumb against his cold lower lip.

* * *

Bella was nothing if not stubborn. While she did not project this side of her personality all the time, it was very evident that once she wanted something or that she was going to do something, that was it. It was very difficult to sway her. Becoming a vampire was something she had become very adamant about. It had started with Edward.

Jasper never put himself in a position to compare the relationship she had with Edward to the relationship she had with him, but he had not assumed that her desire to become a vampire had carried over to the present. Had that wish died along with his brother, Jasper would have understood. Why would she still want to involve herself permanently with their kind?

Apparently she did, and she still was very passionate in her desire.

Jasper could feel how genuine she was and he knew she meant every word she said. The problem was, while he was certain that she meant it, he also knew she had no basis of which to rest those desires on. Bella did not know what it was like to live only on animal blood. She did not know the burning pain that engulfed a vampire's throat when he or she became thirsty, to be ruled by that thirst alone, to live in an eternity of the same day, to watch as the world was ever changing while you remained the same. And by giving up her mortality, she would be giving up her life. Even something as small as walking out of the house on a sunny day would be a sacrifice.

She believed she would be gaining more, but Jasper didn't think he was a fair trade off for all of those things.

Then again, he knew this wasn't something that was entirely an impulse for Bella. She'd wanted it before, without really giving it much thought. Since then, she'd seen the cruelty and evils of their world. She'd seen the danger, been traumatized, left devastated, and she still wanted to become a vampire. Jasper believed her, he just worried that even though she'd seen and endured all of those evils, she didn't know what exactly she would be getting herself into. Still, this was _her_ life. Jasper could only say and do so much.

He pressed his lips to her thumb, then her palm, and lightly ran his hand through her long dark hair. He kept his eyes on hers, unable to tear his gaze away. "It couldn't be me, you realize," he said quietly. "I can't be the one to do it, Bella. I wouldn't be able to stop. Just the scent of one drop of blood and.." he trailed off, shaking his head. He knew he didn't have to retell that story.

"It's not just that, either. I told you before, whenever I bit humans in the past I could feel all their pain and suffering. I felt all their fear, their anger, their sadness, their guilt. Sometimes it crippled me for hours and days at a time. If I was to feel any of that coming from you, I'm not sure I could ever recover from that."

* * *

Bella didn't know how to rightly describe the way she felt when Jasper spoke. Like him, she did not like to compare her relationship with him to her past relationship with Edward and she didn't want to compare the brothers. But in this instance, she couldn't help but to recognize how vastly different the two of them were. Perhaps because she was so used to the way Edward would regard the subject, that she just thought that Jasper would follow suit and she would be left thinking up other ways to try and convince him why she felt so strongly on the subject.

That wasn't fair, though and Bella realized that. There was guilt in that realization. Especially after Jasper allowed himself to engage in the most intimate of acts with her, even after he'd seen the potential damage it could cause, Bella should have been more trusting that he would acknowledge her feelings. When he responded, she knew without a shadow of a doubt that he not only acknowledged her feelings, but he understood them as well. He actually listened to why she was saying what she was, why she wanted to give up her mortal life in order to spend an eternity with him.

That was the most important thing to her – that he realized how genuine she was in her want. He was the main reason. He was the most important thing. He needed to understand how important she regarded him – whether or not he deemed himself worthy of such a sacrifice. He was. Undoubtedly so. But Bella would spend the rest of that eternity trying to convince him if he had even the slightest hint of a doubt in that regard.

Bella nodded when Jasper explained that he wouldn't be able to be the one to actually administer the bite. Of course, if she had a choice, it would be him and no other. But she knew that it was still difficult for him and there was no reason he should have been ashamed of that. She had faith in his restraint, but he was naturally designed to not be able to stop once the flow of blood was in order, especially one that he initiated as he normally would his prey.

But there was more to it than that. Bella felt her heart pull when he explained that the reason he couldn't do it also had to do with the fact that he would be feeling what she was. She didn't want him to feel that pain that she knew would be paired with her transformation. She would never want to subject him to something that would in turn, cause _him _pain.

"I wouldn't ask you to," she said, brushing her fingers against his cheek again and moving them back to gently thread through his soft curls. "I don't want to be apart from you, but for that, I have to be," she said, gently scratching the back of his head. "It's only three days in exchange for an eternity. That's worth it," she said. "The result will be worth it." She curled into his side, kissing his neck and closing her eyes as she continued on as if speaking her thoughts aloud.

"Carlisle will do it," she said. He had more than once in the past. He could again without causing her harm.

* * *

Jasper closed his eyes and pressed his lips against her forehead as she started to caress and stroke his hair. If there was ever one gesture of affection that could calm Jasper down, and soothe him the most, it was that. The back of his head was especially tender, so every time she did that it left him feeling very relaxed. He gently splayed his fingers out against her back, then lightly began to stroke along the curve of her spine. What they were discussing was very serious, and they very well could have argued over it. But the way they were talking, they were _listening _to each other and making the effort to understand each other's concerns and points. Neither had truly wavered, but they had reached a level of understanding. Jasper had not outright denied her what she wanted, and Bella had not outright demanded it. They were equally addressing the other's worries, and doing the best they could to come to a conclusion.

"It's a lot to ask of him," Jasper said quietly, nuzzling into her hair. "Carlisle has never changed someone he thought had the choice. Though.. I.. suppose the Volturi have not exactly given us a choice as far as they're concerned." He frowned, but kept his face in her hair.

"We'll be able to discuss it more in depth, and with Carlisle, another time. The main focus is the Volturi, and dealing with them. I feel that as of right now, you're safest as you are. If you're changed, you'll be exactly what Aro wants you to be. He'll demand you come with him. I can't let that happen. The Volturi are all about following their laws. With you human, they won't take you. Especially if Carlisle is able to convince them that he does intend to turn you once a sufficient amount of time has passed."

He wanted to keep her as she was for now. From what Jasper knew of newborns -which was a lot- he knew Bella would become ruthless and bloodthirsty upon her transformation. He knew her thirst would rule her, and she would probably lose herself for a year or so. That was the norm for newborn vampires. It would be very difficult for him to see her that way. Jasper never wanted her to be in any sort of pain. But he loved her, and would always love her no matter what. They could flee the city, retreat to some place remote where she would be free to hunt as her thirst demanded and he would be able to take care of her, teach her about what she'd become.

"I love you," he whispered, and started to gently press kisses against her temple and down the side of her cheek. "We'll find a way to figure all of this out." He did not know what that answer was right now, but he would figure something out with Carlisle. "We'll have our eternity."

His tone was light, no more than a breath against her ear. Was that his agreement to her being changed? Maybe it was. Truly, he didn't feel it was his decision to make. It was Bella's, and it would always be Bella's.

"And I'll love you more and more with each day," he added, smiling just as he pressed his lips to hers.

* * *

There was no complete agreement, but there was no definite disagreement either. For now, that would be fine with Bella. She accepted what Jasper said and though his words might have hinted at the ends towards fulfilling her wishes when he mentioned they would have their eternity, Bella didn't press it any further or ask for clarification. The promise tickled her ear and sent a delicious chill up her spine. It didn't matter how they would arrive at that conclusion – just as long as the eternity part remained. That was all she needed to be happy for the rest of their days, however long they would progress forward.

Jasper was all she needed; her soldier.

"That's all I want," she assured him before returning his kiss. "I love you too," she added when she pulled back, leaning her forehead against his cheek and wrapping her arms comfortably around his torso.

What he'd said about the present time, about how she was safer being human for now, made sense. Though Bella was eager to be immortal, she could understand the importance of the situation all coming together correctly. First they would need to encounter the Volturi and he _did _have a point. It would buy them time if she was still a human and she had faith in Carlisle that he would be able to get his point across in order to allow for them to wait on it a little bit longer. She only hoped Aro would not be quite so insistent at that very moment and neglect what the Cullen patriarch was saying.

The thoughts were exhausting. There were a lot of other factors that would need to come into play. For one thing, Bella would need to figure out a way to get out of the house long enough in order to be present when the Volturi members actually showed up. With Charlie still so freshly wounded by the way she ran off, such a thing would be a definite challenge. Perhaps another one of the family members could offer up their insight on that as well, but in the meantime, Bella would try to think of all possible solutions. Being as it was summer, there was no longer school to worry about. Charlie of course had to continue working and he wouldn't always be around. Bella could defy him – as much as she hated doing it – if she needed to sneak out. The cause was of the utmost importance of course and she would risk more punishment for the sake of it if she was caught or unable to successfully avoid the situation of a confrontation with her father.

For now though, the exhaustion was overtaking her. Since she hadn't really slept, her eyes were beginning to feel heavy. Being with Jasper, of course, didn't help. Always, she wanted to stay awake with him for as long as she could, but at the same time, he was such a comfort even without the aid of his power that Bella couldn't help but to feel herself drifting off to sleep. She mumbled something unintelligible as her eyes closed again and sighed against the cool skin of his neck, nuzzling her face into the crook it made with his shoulder.

Within minutes, she was asleep, at peace with being with Jasper once more.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Finally we have talk of Bella becoming immortal. And that talk is the first of several to come. Next chapter will feature the Volturi coming to Forks for their visit with the Cullens. Please remember to review, follow, and favorite our story! Cheers!

**Additional Note:** Many of you have been asking whether or not Bella is going to have a baby and the answer is no. We have written a story before that follows that storyline in Breaking Dawn for Jasper and Bella and we may post that one day. But for right now, we're focusing on this story and in this one, Bella does not get pregnant. If our readers express interest in wanting it, we'll consider posting it, but again, it wouldn't be for awhile. What do you all think?

**Lyrics: **Come Away With Me - Norah Jones


	28. Chapter 28

_I just know there's no escape now_  
_once it sets it's eyes on you_  
_but I won't run, have to stare it in the eye_

_Stand my ground, I won't give in_  
_No more denying, I gotta face it ;;_

The past two weeks had been very difficult. Jasper was not permitted to see Bella as freely as he had been before. Long gone were the days when her father thought highly of the older, quiet son of Doctor Cullen who had brought his daughter home to him in one piece after she'd gone missing. Jasper was not to set foot in the Swan house anymore, and he dare not show his face even close to the property. Bella was not allowed to see him, and was grounded for an undetermined amount of time. Jasper understood Charlie's concern, and he knew it was only because he loved Bella so much. He could feel it from the police chief, even as he listened outside while Charlie laid into Bella about running off with him and how if she hadn't been eighteen he would've had Jasper arrested for crossing state lines with with a minor. That last part had actually made Jasper a bit nervous, but seeing as Bella was technically an adult, and hadn't been abducted, there wasn't really anything legal that Charlie could do. To retaliate, he grounded Bella and forbade her from seeing him.

Of course, he couldn't keep them apart completely. Unbeknownst to Charlie, Jasper came to visit Bella secretly during the night, staying with her just as he'd done before they left. He would stay with her while Charlie was away at work, hiding whenever he came home so he wouldn't know he'd been there. It wasn't convenient for them, especially after all the time they'd spent together at the cabin and even before that. But it was what it was, and Jasper would endure it for her.

During the time that had to be spent apart, Jasper was coming up with strategies that could prove to be useful for the Volturi's impending visit. They had planned for this sort of thing before in the past, but they'd also had the benefit of Alice's foresight and Edward's mind-reading abilities to aid them. All they had now was Jasper's unique ability to read and manipulate emotions, but he refused to think about that. He would not let his mind wander into the realm of dwelling over his lost wife and brother. That would do no good. He had to work with what they had, and that was his power and Carlisle's knowledge of the Volturi leaders. He worked closely with his father, which was actually very beneficial in more than just planning strategies. It was bringing them closer as father and son, which was something Carlisle had always wanted with withdrawn son, and truly something that Jasper wanted as well.

The letter that they'd received had not specifically stated which members would be making the trip, but they thought they had a fair shot at guessing. Aro, no doubt, would be heading up this journey. That meant that Jane, Alec, and Renata would be in tow to guard him. The tricky part was trying to decide if the other two leaders would come along. Caius, Carlisle had believed, would probably be the least interested in this ordeal. Marcus, he thought, might show up because he wanted to make sure Aro did not get carried away with his greed. The best they could do was prepare for the worst, and that was what they did. They did not know the exact day that the group would arrive, but they knew it could be any day now. Jasper had decided it best that they come up with excuses for Bella to be at the house with them. It would keep Charlie out of the line of fire, and the Volturi all contained in one place rather than some of them at the Cullen house and some roaming Forks looking for Bella. She'd managed to buy some time away by telling Charlie she was staying with her friend Angela on the excuse that she needed to get out of the house and away from the negativity. Jasper hoped her friend would hold up her end of the plan.

Currently, he was curled up with her in the study, sharing a book with her. It was The Divine Comedy, one of his favorites. Jasper was laying across one of the over-sized, overstuffed chairs in the corner of the room with Bella laying against his chest, the book propped between them. This was his own personal copy, which was a bit tattered and worn from excessive use and the book's age. He'd read it so many times that it was easy for him to scan the pages quickly. He did not mind waiting for Bella to finish, however. It allowed him to give her kisses and gentle caresses while she read.

* * *

Bella couldn't decide if the past two weeks had gone impossibly slow or on the other hand, incredibly quickly. There were moments that it seemed to be both of the aforementioned conflicts. It was all too slow when Bella was counting the moments that she was separated from Jasper. Charlie was hardheaded when it came to his rules. While Bella was living under his roof, she had no choice but to abide by them. She accepted and understood that. Having a punishment now still was not enough to make her regret leaving in the manner in which she did with Jasper. It had been something that was crucial to the repair of their relationship, one that had been damaged due to miscommunications and outside parties interfering. With the knowledge and comfort that their bond was stronger on every level as a result of their getaway to the cabin, Bella could endure having to stay in the house a little better than she would have without that assurance.

It wasn't as if they didn't see one another. There were some nights were it was necessary for the two of them to be apart, usually due to the fact that Jasper had to hunt. With the exact date of the Volturi's arrival unknown, it was a safer bet for him to continually ensure that he was well fed. Bella knew it was going to be difficult for him enough as it was, but if he was thirsting at the time, it would have been a hundred times worse and he would certainly be more prone to lashing out. His reaction was one that Bella feared more than she ever let on to him. If he knew that she was dwelling on such a worry, it would have only cause _him _grief. Bella was sure of that. She saved those internal worries and fears for the times when she was alone, though sleeping was what suffered on account of it. The nights that he was away were always lonely, even though Esme would always stay in her room after Charlie had checked on her to be sure that Bella hadn't run off again.

Those weren't the only thoughts that were going through her head throughout the two weeks that had passed. Along with the thoughts of the Volturi came the thoughts of Aro's wishes. It was funny how similar they actually were to her own. Of course Aro wished for Bella to become a vampire for very different reasons than she did, but in the end, the goal was essentially the same. She was sure – or at least, she continually reminded herself – that for now, it was best for her to remain human. Being changed would involved a lot of careful planning and that would take time. Bella knew that. Once of the reasons she accepted it was for the sake of her family. She couldn't just suddenly disappear with no excuse to Renee and Charlie. That would be just as heartbreaking to them as it would be for her. After eighteen – nearly nineteen – years she owed them more than that. Even though she would be sure to find a way to have contact with both of them again, she knew at least for awhile, it would be impossible to sit with either one of them face to face.

She had become obsessed with the idea of wanting to be changed. She was silent about it though. Even when Jasper was with her at night, Bella didn't bring up the subject. He knew her thoughts on the matter already and she was well aware of his. There was no need to continually threaten the peace by arguing her point. It hadn't changed at all. She would have guessed that neither did Jasper's apprehensions about her changing as well. Thus, it was something she kept to herself. But her dreams were where she was free to have such thoughts. While she slept, her mind wandered. While much of it was negative while Jasper was missing from her bedside, on the contrary, her sleep was peaceful when he was holding her. It was there that she often viewed herself as immortal, just like him. She could never see herself clearly. Rather, the image of herself was always slightly blurred. But she could feel the difference in her dreams, the confidence that didn't exist before.

When she was in Carlisle's study with Jasper that afternoon, she tried to find some of that confidence and apply it to how she was feeling. They never knew for sure when exactly the Volturi were coming or which part of them even was, but it had to be soon. Bella hated lying to Charlie. It was never something easy to do and even though she wasn't very good at it, her deception seemed to have worked on her father. What was even worse than just lying to her dad was having Angela lie for her as well. She'd told Charlie that Angela was having problems with Ben and she was very upset and asked Bella if she could stay over for a little while. Bella had been very convincing when she spoke with her father and simply explained that he didn't understand what it meant for a relationship like the one Angela and Ben had to be on the rocks. He mumbled something that sounded like he did know on account of his daughter and someone leaving before, but because of that, he let her go. It was with an assurance that he would be calling Angela's house to check in on her, but that's where Angela agreed to cover for her. That was the great thing about the girl – she never asked questions. She just wanted to make sure Bella was okay. Ang was someone that the brunette would really miss.

Currently, her thoughts were dwelling on Dante and his travels. She paused every so often when Jasper's lips brushed against her skin and she would have to close her eyes to savor the feel of the gesture. It seemed fitting that when Carlisle interrupted them, she was reading about the ninth circle of hell that was reserved for traitors. Carlisle had knocked as Bella was reading with interest about Judecca where the sinners were enclosed entirely within ice due to their treachery, formed into strange positions. That's what should have happened to Aro. He deserved to be forever frozen in such an icy hell for what he'd been responsible for, a traitor to his kind.

"They'll be here within minutes," Carlisle said. Emmett and Rosalie both had been assigned to watch the borders to give them some sort of warning when the Volturi were near to descending. One of them must have called to inform the head of the Cullen family.

Bella's jaw clenched and all thoughts about Dante were lost as she closed the book and rose to her feet, thanking Carlisle. She fished for Jasper's hand upon standing and found his eyes, pushing down any negative emotions that were warring inside of her at the moment.

"It'll be fine," she assured him, pressing her lips to his. "Trust me." At the time though, Bella couldn't even trust herself.

* * *

If he was to spend the rest of his eternity curled up with Bella reading stories, this would have been the equivalent to heaven for a vampire. Even with the threat of the Volturi's impending arrival looming over their heads, at the present, Jasper was very calm. He knew he needed to be, for the sake of everyone else's sanity. When Jasper was stressed, it stressed everyone around him because they could feel it. The best thing he could do was remain calm. This especially applied to when he was with Bella. He did not allow the weight of his stress to pile up on her shoulders. It would have been no secret to her or anyone else that he was worried and Jasper did not deny it. Bella would know he was concerned and he'd talked to her about it, but he did not want anyone to feel it. That was just Jasper; it was the way he was.

While reaching the point in the story that was particularly brutal to sinners, their story time was interrupted by Carlisle's announcement. He tried his best to remain calm, but it was not easy. The peaceful expression on his face was marred by strain. It would be felt in the way he held her against him. There was an urge to protect her that would be ever present in the room. He did not verbally answer Carlisle, but a look of acknowledgement was given. This was no surprise. He had hoped they would have a little more time, but he was not shocked to hear the news. The Volturi's arrival was something that they all were expecting.

Jasper stood as Bella did, taking hold of her hand as she sought his out. He laced their fingers and tried to soften his expression, but it did not come easily for him. It left a bad taste in his mouth, as if the venom itself had risen in his throat and worked its way onto his taste buds, to think that Aro would be setting foot on their territory after the sins he committed. Two that were unforgivable, and ripped their family apart. The only blessing that had come from the pain was that he was able to love Bella and be what she needed. They had each other now, but at what cost? The expense of two lives that were lost far too soon and almost at the cost of their own hearts and souls. Jasper clenched his jaw and nodded. He relaxed enough to return her kiss, but as she pulled away he returned to his tense stance.

He didn't trust himself either.

Jasper kept hold of her hand and led her out of the study to join Carlisle and Esme in the main portion of the house. They would know even without Rose and Emmett's warnings that the Volturi would be approaching. He had not seen them in person before, but from what he knew, they had a presence that could span for miles. For now, he intended to let Carlisle run this show. He was the one they would listen to. Truthfully, he wasn't even sure that he could form actual words. It was all he could do to maintain his own self-control and not let his anger and rage towards the elite group of vampires show. He placed himself slightly in front of Bella, flanked behind Carlisle for the time being.

He would protect Bella. He would. He had to.

* * *

Jasper wasn't the only one trying to remain calm. Bella was making a serious attempt to do the very same, especially when she could feel tension coming from him in the way he held her hand and stood protectively in front of her when they followed Carlisle. Though the attempts were made, it seemed like both of them were struggling with it. Bella had somehow managed to toy with the idea of how wonderful it would be to never encounter the Volturi again, Aro especially. But that had been a silly, childish thought and now it was no match for the reality that was literally descending upon them.

The atmosphere changed. It was almost tangible in the room when there was a knock on the Cullen's front door. Emmett scoffed and Bella wondered if it was because he was thinking the same thing she was - it was pointless for Aro to keep up with the façade of a happy, normal house guest paying a friend a visit. That wasn't the intention meant for the journey they'd made at all. Carlisle, of course, was the one who answered. It was amazing how poised and collected the patriarch of the family could be, despite what he must have been feeling upon first coming into contact face to face with the vicious clan members that killed his son and daughter. There was no grimace on his face, no hitch in his tone as he politely opened the door for the Volturi members. There were six of them, which, surprised Bella and likely everyone else as well. Then again, none of them had been knowing what or who, aside from Aro, to expect. She had thought there would be more.

Bella remembered them all, some better than others. Caius, who didn't want her to leave Volterra alive after what had happened and made the expression of his anger and disgust known. The vicious twins, Jane and Alec, the former of whom left an extremely bitter taste in Bella's mouth when she used her power to hurt Edward. There was a woman who didn't speak, but who stood very close beside Aro, one that Bella remembered seeing in Italy doing the same. Marcus was recognized, though he was not someone who had much to say during that bitter time before. And of course, front and center with the sickly false smile that Bella never could erase from her memory, was Aro.

"Dear friend," he chimed, extending his hand to Carlisle. "How kind of you to accommodate our visitation."

Before the door had been opened, Bella let go of Jasper's hand. Her reasons for doing so were well warranted. Though she wanted to be close to him, she didn't want him to feel the direct result of the emotions that strongly overpowered her in this situation. It would be bad enough that they were not ones that could have been concealed. He didn't need the intense flood to be increased even more on her part. Aside from that, she didn't want Aro or the rest of the members to know how close the pair of them were. From past history, that seemed to be a target. If she was the reason the Volturi were there to begin with, she wouldn't make it easier for them to get what they wanted by using Jasper. Bella would die before letting that happen. For now, she stayed behind him next to Esme and kept her eyes fixated on the exchange. It was unnerving though, considering most of the eyes on the other side were looking at her. Jane's were especially piercing.

"I'm sure you must understand why we would prefer to keep this visitation short and to the point," Carlisle said.

Bella almost smiled at the change in his demeanor. He had shown a firmness that allowed the rest of them to see that he was not pleased the others were there at all, despite his cordiality.

* * *

Jasper had always held a certain amount of respect for the Volturi. He knew of their power over the vampire world and how important it was to abide by their laws. Though he had never met them face to face, he had always held them in a high regard. Maria had been terrified of them finding out what she was doing and wiping out her and her army as they'd done during the Vampire Wars in the South before. For someone like Maria to be afraid of them, Jasper had known they must have been very powerful. It was not until he became part of the Cullen family that he learned more in depth of just how powerful they were. However, there was not a shred of respect or regard left in his body for the powerful group. They disgusted him, infuriated him, and he was ashamed to be of the same species. They did not earn their respect; they bullied their kind into giving it.

The knock at the door caused Jasper to tense even more than ever. If Bella had not let go of his hand, he would have done it. If not, he probably would have crushed the bones. His fists were clenched so tightly, his already pale skin grew even more white around the knuckles. Though he had wanted very much to control his temper, Jasper simply did not think it would be possible. Not even the calm Carlisle was exuding - most likely for Jasper's benefit - could reach him. This was what he'd wanted from the beginning, wasn't it? Vengeance for Alice, Edward, and Bella. He hadn't cared if they struck him dead in the process. Standing still and being quiet was far worse than dying.

When the door opened, it was all he could do not to lunge on the spot. He could barely even see, he was so angry. They were all dark blurs at first, Jasper only being able to see the outlines of their cloaks. When Aro spoke, it was like the acidic venom from a vampire's teeth seeping through his ears. Jasper cringed and forced himself to stay rooted on the spot. Not even Carlisle's calm, but firm words brought Jasper any sort of comfort. He was glad that Carlisle was taking a curt tone with them to express that he was not pleased to see them, but it wasn't enough for Jasper. They should be fighting these despicable creatures. They _killed_ Alice and Edward, they traumatized Bella and exposed her to things no one should have to see. How could everyone just _stand _there and not even acknowledge that?!

Aro's red eyes gleamed with smugness, despite the smile dancing across his lips. "And I would hope that you understand why it was imperative that we come by and ensure that our orders are being carried out. I would hate to have to take another of your coven, Carlisle, after it has already been so diminished."

The next few seconds were a blur. Jasper had not been able to take that. Not even a breath after Aro had spoken, he'd lunged.

All he could think about were Edward and Alice being killed - he could hear them, even if he hadn't been there. He could see Bella's frightened face and hear her cries. He remembered the pain, the anguish it had put not only him, but the whole family and Bella through.

It was too much. This was _too much_.

He'd lunged, teeth bared, with the intent to kill the Volturi leader who had taken so much from all of them. Renata had moved to shield Aro as she always did, but the Volturi leader did not even flinch. Renata was not needed. It was Jane who provided the protection from what would have been a lethal attack from Jasper. Before he could get within arm's reach, Jasper felt pain shooting through his entire body. It stopped him mid-lunge and knocked him to the floor. He snarled and hissed in pain, and slammed his fist into the floor to push himself back up onto his feet. When driven by purely rage and adrenaline, and especially to someone who had dealt with crippling pain throughout his existence, it was going to take more than Jane to stop him. He was shaky, but on his feet again. He tried to lunge, but Jane upped her use of power and caused him to drop once more.

Jasper couldn't hear Carlisle yelling for both him to stop and for Aro to call off Jane. He couldn't hear Emmett threatening to attack too. He couldn't hear anything but the sounds of Bella crying from all the pain she'd endured and emotional distress after what she'd been through. He could hear it pounding in his ears and _that_ was what kept him down the next time Jane attacked him. He gripped the sides of his head, his fingers clenching around his hair. He didn't get up again, but Jane did not stop. The little girl simply stared maliciously at the fallen vampire, while her twin stood at her side admiring her work.

* * *

There was only a brief moment when Bella was able to process Aro's disgusting threat. He truly had no sort of remorse for his actions and what those actions did to badly hurt a family by taking the innocent lives of two of their members. To hear him threaten to take yet another was just sickening. But before Bella could even grimace at the thought of which member that could even be, Jasper was moving in a flash. Immediately, Bella's heart fell. This was what she wanted to avoid. This was the last thing she wanted to happen. All of the effort she was concentrating into remaining calm for his sake had been completely wasted when he sprang into an aggressive action.

It all happened so quickly. Bella couldn't react in the way she wanted to. If she could have, she would have been in front of Jasper before anyone could get to him, before he even had to experience a second of the pain that was being inflicted upon him by the vicious little twin. When he fell to the ground and made that terrible hiss of pain, Bella was flooded with memories. She had seen that look before. She had witnessed someone she loved undergo that very same suffering. But again, before she could even take a breath, much less a step forward, Jasper was reacting. He was on his feet, but only for a moment before he was down once more and without even looking at her, Bella could tell that Jane had increased the intensity of her power to cause such a painstaking move.

Carlisle and Emmett were faster than she was. Their voices were both heard. But like Jasper could only seem to hear hers in his head, Bella could only hear Jasper's cries. She could only fixate her panicked gaze on him. And that was when she finally was able to move.

"No!" she cried out, pushing past Esme and Emmett and dropping in front of Jasper's crumpled form.

It was difficult when the pain caused him to hold onto the sides of his head and his body couldn't seem to still, but she posed himself in front of him, stretching out as much as she could in order to shield him from Jane's power. Every single one of the Cullen's yelled out for her to stop as she did it, but Bella did no such thing. She knew what had happened in Italy. She knew that Jane's abilities had no effect on her. For once, her human nature was what was able to protect Jasper. She hadn't been able to do this in Volterra, but she wasn't going to stand by when she could have done something this time. She refused to let Jasper go through even another millisecond of unwarranted torture.

Or she would die trying.

"Stop it!" Her eyes narrowed into determined, angry slits back at Jane who met her glare with a menacing one of her own. Again, the little vicious blonde attempted to increase her gift directed now at the pair of them, but it had no effect on the brunette who was desperately shielding the wounded vampire behind her.

Aro held his hand up. "Enough, dear Jane," he said, still with the haunting smile on his face.

This was all a game to him. It was always just a game to him. But this was a twist he hadn't been expecting. It seemed as if the bold actions of the human in favor of Jasper were all very interesting to the rest of them as well. Marcus' brow furrowed, stepping closer as if in deep thought. Something very interesting indeed.

Bella's chest was heaving, the narrowing of her eyes strictly in place as she stood her ground. The only thing she did as far as moving was to reach her hand back to lay it on Jasper. From what she figured, it was his upper arm that she was touching. She didn't care if her relationship with him was made known, although in truth, it just looked like she was protecting him. She would have done the same for any member of the Cullen family, knowing that she could not be affected in the same way as they were when it came to vicious Jane's power. Of course, though, her need to protect Jasper was insurmountable. In the meantime, Carlisle and Emmett had both come to stand in between her and Jasper and the rest of the Volturi members.

"As you can imagine, tensions are quite high considering," Carlisle said with as much mustered calmness as he could bear after watching yet another of his children attacked, this time in front of his own eyes. He wouldn't stand for this. "Now to the matter of your visitation," he said insistently, waiting for Aro's progression.

"Well," Aro said, the sick smile on his pale visage spreading like ivy on a marble wall. "The matter of our visitation has all been but exemplified already," he said, his hand outstretching to motion toward Bella.

"Sweet Bella has surely been awaiting our return. Such an extraordinary being to be immune to the powers of our prestige. And still human at that. Imagine the strength of her gift once she is one of us," he said, eyeing the girl still protectively hovering near Jasper. "We are here to make arrangements for the event. I do not want this prolonged, Carlisle. We expect to be returning to Italy with one more in tow."

* * *

Jasper's reaction had been the very reason that Alice lied to him to prevent him from following her and Bella to Volterra. He would have reacted the same way and probably ended up getting killed. But to stand there and say nothing while Aro spoke as if nothing had happened at all, like it was no big deal what they'd done, was just something Jasper could not do. He couldn't hold it together, despite having tried very hard. He hadn't been ready for this, despite all the weeks of preparation. Jasper was just not in the proper state of mind to deal with the Volturi, even though he'd convinced himself that he was.

When Bella put herself between him and Jane, Jasper tried to shout for her to get back, but his voice had cracked and prevented him from saying anything coherently. The pain started to subside, and Jasper realized that Bella wasn't writhing on the floor. He didn't understand it; he just stared in disbelief. The good thing was, Jane wasn't able to look directly at him or aim her power at him with Bella in the way. What was even better was the fact that once Jane's power subsided, there was no lingering pain. It just stopped, because it was all an illusion. He was already feeling better, physically at least.

Jasper looked up to meet the gazes of the Volturi leaders. He wouldn't apologize for his actions, he just glared instead. He didn't really care anymore if any of them knew of his relationship with Bella. He'd already angered them. He glanced briefly at Bella's hand as she touched his arm, and moved quickly to take that hand within his.

"She won't be going with you," he said, his voice gruff and on the verge of erupting into another growl.

Carlisle, though not exactly thrilled with Jasper's actions, would not hesitate to back his son up. He did not care for violence in his home. "None of my children will be crossing overseas tonight. That includes Bella," he said.

"I understand that her knowing of our kind is a violation of your rules, but you must also take into consideration several other factors. For one, there are humans existing within the walls of your home who know exactly what you are." His tone was firm, yet he still held a certain poise. "I also want you to be assured that we have not taken your demands lightly. But we are still very much in mourning. Not only us, but much of the town as well. Our family is regarded very highly, and the loss of my son and daughter has affected far more than those within this home. It drew a lot of attention to the family."

As Carlisle spoke, Jasper managed to get back up to his feet and help Bella up as well. He slid his arm around her and drew her against him.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered against her hair, ignoring everything and everyone else around them for just the briefest moment, if only to acknowledge what she did for him. "I put you at risk again.. I'm so sorry. I won't lose myself again."

Carlisle kept on speaking throughout the exchange between Jasper and Bella, so as not to draw too much attention to them.

"To end Bella's human life now would only draw more suspicion to my family. I highly doubt you would want that, risking exposure. I'm sure you'll agree that properly planning out an inconspicuous way to carry out this matter would be the best course of action. There are many loose ends that need to be tied up first."

Jasper was glad that Carlisle was not mentioning the impending threat of Victoria and her newborns. Giving Aro an excuse to stick around was not something they needed to do. And fortunately, it seemed the wolves of La Push were keeping to their territory, else Caius would have been livid and on a rampage. His attention was still only on Bella. He lightly stroked her cheek.

"I'm sorry I made you see that," he said, his remorse very evident in his soft tone.

* * *

Bella let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding when Jasper finally was able to get himself together again after the intensity of the pain that had been inflicted upon him. She would have to explain to him later on that she had known that Jane's power would have no effect on him in the way it did him and that this was one of the reasons why Aro was so keen on adding her to her collection. But for now, his hand taking hers was enough assurance that they would have time later to talk about the matter. All that was important now was that he was clam enough not to repeat his previous actions.

She was listening to Carlisle until Jasper spoke, pulling her against him. In spite of everything, Bella felt her heart skip a beat when his lips moved against her hair. That was her Jasper. It didn't make a difference to her either that there was no use in hiding their relationship. Jasper's safety had been her first priority. She wasn't going to shy away from him when she was assured that he was all right.

"Don't," she whispered, shaking her head to stop him.

He had nothing to be sorry for. She wasn't the one who had been at risk – he was. It was such a surprising thing. Against a group that she should have been completely powerless against, Bella held more strength than some of those others who surrounded her now in some aspects. Because of this, her arm wrapped around his back protectively. There was nothing that could separate her from him now. If he was going to move again, she was going with him. If Jane were to viciously try to cause him harm once more, Bella wouldn't allow it.

As Carlisle continued to explain why Bella was not yet changed and why it was imperative that they wait on the occasion for the time being, she kept her focus on Jasper, especially when he drew his cool fingers against her cheek. Reaching her hand up, she gently rest it against his own to soothe him, trying to muster every relaxing feeling she could as well as intermingling the intense feelings of love she had for him. It was important that he have no question of that, especially in this situation.

"Not now," she said softly in response to his unnecessary apologies.

Again, they would have time to discuss it later and she would do everything to reassure him he had no reason to be sorry. But for now, she was worried that if they weren't on their full guard, the Volturi could strike again. Jane was glaring at them, waiting for such a chance to arise.

Aro was silent for a moment. Before he could speak, Caius was the one to break the quiet. "Absolutely not, Aro! We've traveled all this way! We're not going back without what we came for. This _human _isn't worth the trouble," he spat bitterly, annoyed with the lack of justice he felt was due as a result of their travels.

Aro addressed his fellow leader, but kept his red eyes forward on the Cullen clan.

"Caius, this trip was not in vain. Our dear friend has a point when it comes to our discretion. We must uphold this above all things. Surely the Cullen's are well aware of the importance of moving this process along rather quickly. After all, there are quite a few excuses that I'm sure would be plausible for sweet Bella's…. absence. I trust that you, Carlisle, will see to it that one is made to use rather soon. I daresay that our next visit will not be so cordial," he said with resolution in his tone that couldn't be tested.

"We'll keep you informed," Carlisle assured him.

"Do."

With a wave of his hand, he signaled for his coven to prepare to exit. "Until then," he said, nodding his head. "Bella," he acknowledged individually with another nod and once again, that sickening smile that haunted her nightmares.

"I so _do _look forward to seeing you again." His eyes drifted to Jasper then with amusement. With a flutter, he was gone, the swell of his cloak swinging behind him as the last thing visible before Carlisle made haste to close the door.

Bella stared at it as if waiting for Aro to return with his Volturi members. But it remained closed. When Esme approached the two of them, she snapped back to attention. The motherly figure was attending to Jasper, gently brushing a hand over his curls.

"Are you all right, Jasper?" she asked, concern heavy in her tone. "Bella?" she asked, brushing back her hair as well before enveloping the girl in a hug. "We'll work this all out," she said. "Don't you worry."

That would be a lot easier said than done. For all of them.

* * *

Jasper did not want to even acknowledge Aro or the others, but he could not help but bare his teeth at them again as the Volturi leader addressed them. The threat was very obvious, despite his sweet tone. It did not fool Jasper for a moment, and he knew it did not fool anyone else, either. That was one of the things that bothered him most. If Aro had just been straight forward, and stated what he really meant, it wouldn't have been so terrible. His sickeningly sweet false pretense just served to make Jasper even angrier about everything, and that resulted in him lashing out the way he did.

Once the door closed after the last of the Volturi had left, Jasper looked back to Bella and pulled her into a protective embrace against him. He eliminated all space between their bodies and locked his arms around her back. The other four vampires behaved similarly with their respective mates. Jasper still was having difficulty registering words from anyone around them. He stood still as Esme approached them and ran a hand through his hair as she assessed his state of being. He wasn't all right at all, but he gave her a small nod. It seemed to be enough, as she moved on to embrace Bella and tend to her. Jasper was loathe to let anyone touch her right now, even his own mother. But he did because she was one of the select few he did trust to care for her.

Carlisle, for as calm as he was, still felt very angry about what had just taken place in his home. He was relieved that they'd left, and were intending to give them more time. But this matter was serious and not something that could be taken lightly. He'd been wrong in his assumption that the Volturi would not act quickly. Their measurement of time, or lack their of, meant nothing. Aro was far too curious about Bella and threatened by his family to let this drag on for too long. It was only going to get worse. With the threat of the vampire army looming over them too, that would give the royal vampires an excuse to stick around and check in more frequently.

"Yes, we will work it out. We.. have much to discuss," he said quietly, in agreement with Esme. "But it will work out."

Jasper was still very much on edge. There was no physical pain, but he was still very difficult for him to stay still. "They're far too interested to let this sit for much longer." He raked a hand through his hair, and stared intently at the floor. "I need to talk to you alone."

Though he was not looking at her, it was very obvious that he was talking to Bella. Carlisle nodded in understanding, but it was also understood that they were going to have to discuss this issue as a group at some point. Jasper reached his hand out to Bella and laced their fingers gently. Though he was tense, he would never intentionally handle her that way. He would always be tender with her.

He took her back into Carlisle's study where they'd been before, and closed the door. It would not prevent the others from hearing them, but they wouldn't get to see them. It gave him some semblance of privacy. Jasper let go of her hand once he'd reached the center of the room and clenched his fists.

"I'm so sorry," he said again, shaking his head. "I cannot even begin to express how horrified I am that you were witness to any of that. Especially my behavior. Bella.. I can't even ask your forgiveness."

* * *

Even though his hand was gentle when it took hers, it didn't cause the tension that she could feel through the touch to cease. Feeling it was like reliving everything that had just happened over and over again. Seeing Jasper lunge and lash out had brought back memories of Volterra that Bella tried so desperately to bury. It was always an unsuccessful attempt. Though the figures that were trying to do the protecting were different, Bella loved both of them. It was her fault, in the heart of the matter, that either of them had ever reacted against the powerful clan from Italy in the first place. That inflicted such a guilt upon her.

This time, she had at least been able to create a different outcome. Or help to in the very least that she could. But if she was unable to help Jasper now, aide him in coping with the anger and frustration he felt now, then Bella wasn't much of an asset at all. Once they were in Carlisle's study, she gave him a few moments to himself when he let go of her hand. She could still help him even if she allowed him to vent some of his frustrations first before she spoke up. That seemed like the best way to go about things initially. She stood off to the side as he centered the room and clenched his fist so tightly that she could see the color change even with inadequate eyes in comparison to his own.

When she'd given him a few seconds, Bella approached. "That's the last apology you're allowed to say," she said, taking both of his hands and working his fists open gently with her fingers so that she could once more lace their hands together. "You don't need to ask for it, Jasper. You already have my forgiveness," she said. "I don't blame you for doing what you did."

That was true. But it was important that she also tell him how it made her feel.

"But… it was hard to see," she admitted. "I have never been so afraid for you. Not even when the newborn came to the house," she said. "I've seen what they… can do," she said, pausing and closing her eyes for a moment when a flash of Edward writhing in the same kind of excruciating manner that Jasper had done only a short time ago.

"I wasn't about to let that happen to you. Not if there was anything I could do about it."

She kept a hold on his hands as she stepped backwards, leading the two of them back to the armchair that they'd occupied earlier. It was big enough for the two of them to settle into and she sat, moving as far as she could to the side to allow him room to occupy the rest of it.

"This time, I actually could," she continued. "But that didn't mean I wasn't still afraid. I hated seeing you in that kind of pain," she admitted again, closing her eyes and shaking her head. When she opened her eyes, she immediately put her fingers to his lips to keep him from apologizing again as he started to.

"Don't," she said again before he could. "The important thing is that they're gone now. Nothing serious happened and Carlisle's plan to guy us more time worked well enough," she said. "For now, that's what we hoped for. Right?"

* * *

Bella was right, really.

The Volturi were gone - for now at least - and they had more time to sort things out. Not as much time as he would have liked, but it was enough to be grateful for. Yet, at the same time, he was just bitter about the whole thing. While things did somewhat play out the way they wanted, the threat was still there. Nothing had been resolved. They were still under the same threat, only they had just used their second chance. No doubt the next time more drastic measures would be taken. Jasper stayed very still, watching Bella as she spoke to him. He didn't know how to answer her. What he'd hoped for? Not really. Somewhat. But Jasper didn't think it was fair that they should just be thankful to be alive -relatively speaking for all of them but Bella- and not laying in a pile of ash. No one should have that type of control over others. Jasper knew it was important that their kind have laws in order to preserve their kind - he guessed, though one had to wonder if protecting the survival of demons was really a noble cause. But when that power was corrupt and used only to advantage the select few in charge, it just was sickening for him to think about.

"Right," he said, though he couldn't hide the somewhat flat tone in his voice. "But for how long? I did not realize how curious Aro was about you. I could feel it radiating off of him. He's so fascinated by you, and why you seem to be immune to his powers and to Jane's. He's too interested to just let this go for much longer. I won't let him near you, Bella. I won't. Marcus knows how I feel about you. He must. Even if he wasn't able to tell how you felt about me, he has to know that I love you. If they try to use that against us, I swear, not even Jane will keep me down."

He closed his eyes just briefly, then reopened them again slowly. They'd darkened considerably after all of that, but there was still a topaz ring around the irises.

"As if we didn't have enough trouble without them breathing down our necks. I haven't been able to devote nearly enough time to thinking about the army. I've been so focused on this. I can't imagine how many newborns she's acquired by now. Or if.." he trailed off, not wanting to finish that thought. He did not want to mention Maria's name, and if she'd managed to find Victoria by now. He shook his head, dismissing that visual.

"We have to eliminate that problem before the Volturi come back. They can't know about it, or they'll know we kept it from them before."

* * *

He was thinking out loud, mostly, and a big portion of that was to skirt around the issue of _why_ the Volturi had been there in the first place; Bella becoming a vampire. Jasper didn't really want to talk about it while he was still so upset, but he knew they would have to eventually. Much sooner rather than later. They'd talked about it briefly once before in a much calmer setting, but Jasper still hadn't been too comfortable with it. While this was Bella's life and she had the right to do what she wanted, this was not a _natural_ choice. Humans were not meant to become vampires. It didn't help that he detested what he was so much. Jasper would never consider Bella to be a monster, but he could also never be proud of what he was.

What Jasper told her in regard to what he felt coming from Aro, wasn't exactly something that made Bella's unease let up. It seemed that there were some advantages in being a freak. The biggest one had been shown when Jane tried to continue using her power against Jasper and was unable to affect him with Bella's interference. But that quirk was what sparked Aro's interest. It had been from the first time she'd been in Italy as well. It seemed, judging by what Jasper was saying now, that by demonstrating the fact that there was something wrong with her when it came to most vampire effects, it only caused the clan leader's interest to peak.

She also hadn't previously given thought to Marcus and the ability that she'd learned he had. Even if he was only able to feel the way that Jasper regarded Bella, it had to have been obvious – to any of them – that Bella reciprocated those feelings by the way she'd acted. It was more than just defending him. It was the way she looked at him when he apologized to her for acting out, the soft manner in which she spoke, the way she wrapped her arm around him protectively and stroked his cheek in nothing less than an affectionate manner. Yes, she would have defended any of the other Cullen's if they had been subjected to the pain of the evil twin's powers, but the after effect would have been anything but the same. There was no hiding the fact that the two of them held much deeper feelings now.

Bella was quiet as he spoke, lost in a mixture of his words and her own thoughts, most of which were negative when he pointed out hard truths. If the Volturi knew they were in love with one another, it _could _be used in order to achieve success on their part. Bella wouldn't have put it past Aro. Not after the sickening things she'd seen him do. Jasper would be the first thing he used against her in order to obtain what he wanted. The thought alone put a dull ache in her heart and a lump in her throat. It was impossible for her to think about something happening to Jasper.

But that was the whole thing – there was a good possibility that something would.

Negative thoughts didn't fade when he made mention of yet another problem. Silly Bella. She had been so caught up in the Volturi visit and the reason for it that she'd managed to momentarily forget about the threat that was already right on their doorstep and that had been for months. The ache in her heart doubled when she thought of yet another force acting against them. Against Jasper.

It was a mess. Everything was a mess with no positivism in sight. And no answers it seemed either. She idly traced his fingers with the tip of her index finger after pulling his palm into her lap.

"We need to eliminate that problem _now _then," she said softly. Time, even though for vampires seemed everlasting, was running out. "I was thinking about something," she started after a moment. "Just… hear me out, okay? You won't like this." It was fair that she warn him of that at least. He might not like her ideas, but he needed to at least hear them out and listen to the reasoning behind them.

"Before… when you had all left Forks … I had a run in with Laurent," she said. "In the meadow. He… well. It would have ended badly had Jacob not been there. And the rest of the wolves," she said, still tracing his fingers. Then her hand closed over his and she drew her eyes back up to meet Jasper's.

"They knew the dangers of bad vampires. They don't want them in Forks or anywhere near the reservation. They would fight them to make sure that didn't happen," she said, leading into her point. "They'd fight them even if it meant fighting _with_ us. I know they would I could talk to Jake. And Sam."

* * *

Jasper felt like a bit of a failure for not paying as close attention to Victoria's cause as he should have. He'd been so wrapped up in the Volturi's arrival that he had not given as much of his focus to the newborn army. It wasn't something that could be brushed off; it was a serious ordeal. They'd already killed numerous people, and Jasper was truly surprised that the news had _not _reached the Volturi leaders' ears already. Victoria did not seem the calculating kind; she was wild and irrational. It shocked him that she had not been more aggressive in her tactics. It worried him, actually. It made him wonder if Maria really had found her.

Maria was much more tactful, and she'd learned how to raise an army in quiet so as not to alert the royal vampires. He wasn't going to admit it, but he wasn't sure he'd be able to defeat his sire. It wasn't due to anything emotional, or lost love. It was because he'd never been able to match Maria's skills or outsmart her. That was why he was always second in command. Had he been able to overthrow her, he would have. His thirst for power back then was strong enough.

Jasper put his thoughts of the Mexican siren to rest and listened as Bella told him bout Laurent, and werewolves. He cringed at the mention of Jacob. It was no secret that the two did not get along at all. They'd bumped heads more than once, and he did not see that changing anytime soon. They were natural enemies, and even if they _did _work together, that wasn't going to change. What Bella was proposing was idealistic, and not something Jasper could foresee actually happening.

"Can they differentiate between the two? I realize they saved you, Bella, but they don't exactly love us. Need I remind you that Jacob was ready to _try_ to kill me before?" Jasper just shook his head.

"I do believe we need to make them aware of the problem, and I'm certain that Carlisle feels the same way. But we are not without our own resources. I'm certain if I tracked down my old companions, Peter and Charlotte, they would lend their aid. And Carlisle has many, many friends who most likely owe him favors. We also have our cousins in Denali. If we could avoid allowing the wolves something to hold over us for the rest of eternity, I'd prefer it."

* * *

"Yes, I think they can," she said.

It would be hard considering the ill feelings that the wolves already had against the vampires. The way things had played out between Bella and Jacob had been bad enough before as well with Edward being around. But when Jasper came into the picture, their friendship might not be salvageable. Especially with the last way that she left things between them and explained that her feelings for Jasper would never change, it was unlikely that Jacob would be open to the idea of joining forces with the Cullen's.

But there were reasons why he would. She hoped, most importantly, that their friendship was strong enough to overcome what they'd gone through in the past. Even though there were bitter ties, Jake can comforted her and made her feel like a person again when she felt as if she had no one. She would always be grateful to him for that. But she also had to be honest and in truth, her feelings differed from the nature of his own. That was hard to swallow for him and she imagined she would feel the same if the person she loved the most held feelings for another. Therefore, she could not hold it against him so much. Nonetheless, those feelings would need to be put aside for this.

"They know of the problem," she said. "But they don't know that it's gotten worse or to the extent in which it has," she said.

Meaning, Maria. But Bella refused to even mention the Spanish manipulator. "I know you'll disagree but… I actually think that if… _you _were with me, they would be prone to listen. You've fought armies before, Jas. You know what to do. If you're explaining to them how to kill an enemy, I think they're going to be prone to listening." She looked over at him to assess his reaction.

"Carlisle as well. Sam respects him and I know Jacob does too, even if they don't like him."

She paused for a moment to think about other possibilities of help. Briefly, she thought about how more bodies there would mean the potential for more deaths. All because of her. That was the reason that these dear friends of the family would be fighting – for a human girl they didn't even know.

"Even with the help, Jas, the wolves can't be avoided. This is close to their home as well. They'll want to protect that, even if it means uniting with an enemy in order to fight off a worse one. I think the best way to find out for sure is just to talk to them. I can do that," she said.

"That's something I feel like I can do to help considering… I won't be much help otherwise," she said, glancing down when the insecurity of being so helpless took over for a moment. "We're running out of time."

* * *

Jasper momentarily contemplated just running away with her again. He was so sick of all the trials and obstacles they were constantly having to face. It was enough to drive someone crazy, and he was wondering how they'd both managed to stay somewhat sane after everything they'd been through. Fate seemed to have been smiting them ever since his loss of control on her last birthday. Ever since then, it was one thing after another being thrown at them, causing them pain, sadness, depression, danger, and everything else he could think of. Couldn't they just get a break? They'd gotten a taste of one at Carlisle's cabin, and it had been heavenly. Right now that was sounding pretty good.

That could never happen. He wanted more than anything for Bella to be happy, and second he wanted to be able to be happy _with _her. If they left again, they would just be running away for the rest of their lives, however long they might be. The problem would always be there. The threat would always be looming. Jasper knew all of this, and had known it since before they left the cabin. That didn't mean he didn't still long for those blissful days with all of his being. They would have them again, he knew, but he wanted it now. He was sick of obstacles.

The topic of the wolves was something they would never agree on. Bella couldn't truly understand because she was neither vampire nor werewolf. Neither was her natural enemy - though both presented a considerable threat to her existence. Nonetheless, because she did not have that natural instinct to despise either, working together wouldn't seem like such an issue. The one thing he could agree on with the wolves was that they wouldn't want to work together either. They would just assume kill all the vampires and be done with it, good or bad. But this was something that Bella felt so strongly about, and it truly could not be ignored.

"I get what you're saying, but what makes you think they would even _want _to fight together? It wouldn't surprise me if one of them attacked us in the fray and blamed it on being in the heat of the moment. Not that they'd succeed, but, it's the principle of the matter," he said, speaking his mind.

"Maybe you might think they have the right to know. However, from my stand point, they don't. That won't change. Even if they do want to fight with us, I will not feel good about it, or relieved. If they decide to do so, I will allow them to watch what I have to teach the others about fighting newborns. That will be the extent of it. What Carlisle wants to do is up to him." And that.. was about as close to agreeing to it as Bella was going to get from him.

He slid his arm around her and sighed softly. "I'm sorry. I know I'm being difficult. But you have to consider the situation from all sides. If one of them was to fall at the hands of a vampire, they could all shift the blame and turn on us, blaming us for their loss and launch a war against our family. This is what I do when I form strategies, Bella. I think of every possibility before I execute anything, and weigh the outcomes. I know this is important to you, and I'm considering that, too. I think.. ultimately, the decision will come down to Carlisle."

* * *

It would have been easy for them to just run away again. They'd done it so successfully before. They had so much negatively that had separated them and yet, they were able to heal both one another and their relationship when they just took off without looking back or a second thought before leaving. Easy, maybe. But dangerous and a sure death sentence for the rest of the Cullen family. They needed Jasper and his knowledge of how to fight off the newborns in order to have any chance of success. Bella knew that. Jasper knew that. They all did. She might have been able to dream about what life was like when it was just the two of them at Carlisle's cabin, but it wasn't something that could become reality until everything was taken care of that had been looming over them. Who was to say how long that would take or if it ever _would _be resolved? For the meantime, it was the main focus.

It didn't seem likely that the two of them were going to agree fully on the matter of the wolves' involvement against Victoria and her army. For a moment when he spoke, Bella considered what he said about one of the wolves getting caught in the heat of the moment and killing one of the Cullen's. If that happened, there was no way she would ever be able to forgive herself. She was the one who was already responsible for so much death in this family. She was the reason there was a possibility for more. Was she welcoming it with open arms y asking the wolves to side with their enemy? There would never be a way to tell for sure unless it all played out. Bella didn't think that Jacob – even though he hated Jasper so much and attempted to attack him before – would ever be able to actually _kill _someone that he knew Bella loved and cared so much about. But even if she could say that about Jake, she knew she couldn't predict that and be sure when it came to the remainder of the pack.

"That wouldn't happen," she said. "They would never risk that when they would be easily overpowered by the family," she said, believing that to be true.

It was too high of a risk to kill one of the Cullen's when the rest of them would have been right there. Especially if there was strength in numbers if the family contacted their friends and relatives to assist. "It just goes back to what I said," she explained. "Uniting against a common enemy is what will allow them to fight with us. You have had the agreement and the treaty for years and it hasn't been broken. If they wanted to break that with your family, they could have done it by now. But if an outside comes in and is a threat to their land, they'll attack in order to protect it. That's why they reacted the way they did when Laurent was here," she explained.

"You aren't being difficult," she said with a sigh of her own to echo his. "It's just a difficult situation. I don't think there's going to be a right answer. It's just a question of which 'wrong' one will be the least detrimental."

Instinctively she leaned into him when he wrapped an arm around her. It was like she was drawn to the cold as opposed to repelled by it. By now, it was so familiar to her that she hardly had to think of it, even though it still caused goosebumps to lift on her arms. He had a point. He knew about war and how it worked. He knew the methods and the strategies. His word couldn't be taken lightly. But she agreed when she said it would be up to Carlisle.

"I think he reserves the right to make it." She made a silent vow to herself to talk to him about it before that decision was made, however, and express her ideas.

"I wish we were back at the cabin," she said wistfully, voicing aloud both of their previous desires to escape everything else.

* * *

Jasper could feel her sadness and worry, and wished he could take all of it from her and just give her happiness. He could, really. He had the ability to block out all of her stress, all of her sadness, all of her concerns. He could make all of that go away and fill her with a sense of calm and happiness. He could instill joy within her heart and make her forget all of this pain and suffering. It would've been very easy for him to do it, and if she asked he would do it without hesitation. But that was a side of his power that Jasper did not like to tap into, and rarely ever did. He did not like to be invasive of others' feelings, no mater how close he was to them. It was enough that he could feel everything as it was. He did not want to make Bella feel false emotions. He couldn't bring himself to do that. He just wanted to help her through it naturally. It was hard, though, when he was feeling those same worries. But at least that meant they could understand each other better, and be there for one another.

It did not take his heightened vision for him to see the goosebumps on her arms. Jasper immediately felt guilty. He wanted terribly to be warm for her, to keep her from freezing every time he held her. He contemplated pulling away to give her some relief from the cold, but with the way she leaned into him so effortlessly, he knew this was what she wanted. There was no strain in the way she turned towards him or hesitation. Jasper didn't know how she could stand it, but he was thankful. He needed her, too. Somehow, they'd make it through this. If there was a light at the end of the tunnel, it would be worth the pain and struggle through the darkness to get there. He just hoped that one day, they wouldn't have to be enduring pain and they could just enjoy each other.

"I do too, Belle," he said softly, pressing his lips to the top of her head. "I just want to take you away from all of this. But.. we'll never be away from it unless we put an end to it."

He kissed her temple, and lightly stroked her arm with his long, slender fingers. He closed his eyes momentarily and hid his face in her hair, wishing so badly that they could just disappear together, despite what he just said. Jasper didn't want to think about any of this anymore. He just wanted Bella, and to be with her.

"We'll manage. I'll find a way to make all of this work, and we'll be able to have time together as we did at the cabin, only we won't be running away."

Jasper raised his head and gently placed his free hand under her chin to turn her head up as well. He met her eyes and did not let go of her gaze. "I promise you that, Bella. I promise we'll get there."

The hand on her chin slid to lightly cup her cheek, and he leaned in to gently press his lips to hers, sealing his promise with the most tender kiss, which gradually grew deeper the more he devoted himself to this vow.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Those damn Volturi! It's unfortunately not the last you'll see of them. The next chapter though is a very happy one. It's Bella's birthday. Jasper's present(s) may surprise you, but that's a good thing! :) Review and then read on to find out! Cheers!

**Lyrics: **Stand My Ground - Within Temptation**  
**


	29. Chapter 29

_If you have a second why don't we go_  
_talk about it somewhere only we know._  
_This could be the end of everything._  
_So why don't we go somewhere only we know ;;_

When they needed time, it seemed to be all too fleeting. The days after the Volturi's visit where by they had left with the promise that they would soon return, flew by. But it was not as if those two weeks had been without activity. On the contrary, they were filled with planning and negotiations. Most of these had taken place between the head of the Cullen family and the leader of the wolf pack. They had reached an agreement that the wolves would offer their assistance in defeating Victoria and the newborn army. Bella had spoken to Jake and it seemed to aide in this agreement when she told him first hand about the dangers of the army and what it could mean for not just Forks, but for La Push as well, if they didn't put a stop to it. Even though it had been the first time they had spoken in quite some time, Jacob seemed to grasp the seriousness of the situation. It had ultimately still be up to Sam and Carlisle, but she at least felt like she contributed in some way considering otherwise, she was utterly useless.

What was worse was that she was still grounded. She didn't fight her father on that for several reasons. For one thing, Bella knew she scared him in the way she just disappeared so quickly. Charlie wanted the best for her and his actions were reasonable since she'd broken the rules of the house. She could respect and understand that and she felt badly for worrying him. Though she was eighteen and out of school, Bella wasn't ready to leave Charlie's yet. Her father wasn't the only one who worried, after all. Ever since coming to Forks, Bella realized how lonely her father was. She liked taking care of him and spending time with him that she missed out on for so many years. But one of the biggest reasons why she was glad to be there was because she knew that for the future she wanted, Charlie would be missing out on it. Bella still had hope that when she was a vampire - because she was determined to make that a reality - she would be able to see her father, but the likelihood of that was slim and Bella knew that. She wanted the time she could get with him now and that was why she stayed where she was under his roof. He didn't treat her like a small child; he treated her like an adult. Bella made a choice, broke rules, and had consequences as a result. That was something she would always respect.

There were definite inconveniences, however. Mainly, She was unable to go to the Cullen's home and be there for the planning. Jasper kept her well informed, of course, when he continued to sneak over to see her after Charlie was asleep. But his visits were less and less frequent. Bella understood that and insisted that he remain home in order to do what he could with the planning. He was the key element in the whole strategic planning processes and the ideas for the attack and defense; it would be impossible to get very far without him. So far, it seemed to be going well. It wasn't always easy with the wolves, but the training session that took place seemed to have gone over without too much of a problem. From what she gathered, Jacob had been less than happy to learn that Jasper was the one in charge of the lessons. The tension had been thick enough to cut with a knife and Bella, even though it was only a small part that wished for it, was almost happy that she wasn't there to witness it. She imagined her presence would have actually only made it worse. But the session must have progressed because Jasper had been able to show and teach not only the wolves, but the rest of the vampires who'd assembled how to combat newborns as well.

What Bella didn't know, was that other planning had been taking place as well. Because of everything else going on, she honestly nearly forgot that her birthday had been approaching. She didn't want anything special to commemorate it, of course, and was glad for the distractions that everyone's current worries were providing. If their problems had one benefit, that was it. But on the morning of her birthday, when Charlie came to wake her early, it was not just to wish her a happy birthday himself. Instead, a warm, familiar face accompanied him. Esme stood in her door with a large, square box with a ribbon. It dawned on her, even in her sleepy state, the reason.

When she drew herself out of bed, Charlie met her across the room with an awkward, one-armed hug as he uttered a happy birthday to his daughter. He left after she thanked him with a smile and Esme stepped forward to wrap her arms around Bella and give her a gentle squeeze.

"I want you to open this," she instructed, setting the box on the bed. "But not until later on. First, you have breakfast waiting for you." That had explained where Charlie had run off to in such a hurry and at the mention of food, Bella caught the delicious scent of pancakes wafting through the small house.

Cooking breakfast had only been the start of so many things Esme would do for Bella that day. When she'd left Bella and Charlie to eat, it was then that the birthday girl learned of the best present she could ask for.

"Bells… I know you're not big on gifts. So I thought you might like being let off grounding instead," Charlie told her.

Instantly, her face lit up. "Really?" she exclaimed, hopping up from her seat and throwing her arms around her father's neck for a proper hug. "Thanks, Dad! That's the best thing I could ask for."

And it really was. All she'd wanted for her birthday was to be able to spend a part of it with Jasper. Without sneaking around of course. Now it seemed like she would be able to. When she returned to her room after breakfast, she eyed the box Esme left. The note on the top not only wished her a happy birthday, but it promised that she would be able to go over to the Cullen's after dinner that night and such had already been cleared with Charlie. Upon further instructions, she was supposed to wear what was in the box. Part of her had been tempted to not even open it because doing so would mean that she was accepting it. The last thing she wanted to do was to accept gifts when she had cost the family so much that year.

But inside was the most beautiful dress that Bella had ever seen. It was an emerald green cocktail dress and easily the nicest thing she'd ever owned as far as clothes were concerned. Not accepting it would be hurtful toward Esme and that was the last thing Bella had wanted. And so, she dressed in the beautiful garment before going to dinner with Charlie. She had made an honest attempt to make herself look as nice as she could. Even though it had only been two days since she actually saw Jasper, it felt like she would be seeing him for the first time. (In Charlie's eyes, it would be.) Of course she wanted to make an effort to look her best. Her father had dropped her off at the Cullen's where she was due for dessert, but he opted not to stay despite Esme's invitation for him to do so. It was clear he was still awkward about the idea of her being there and was likely already regretting his birthday present bestowed upon her.

The gathering was an intimate one. Esme and Carlisle had given her another present, along with one from Emmett and Rosalie - probably without her consent - as well, but Bella asked if they wouldn't mind if she opened them later on. They all agreed considering what had happened the last time they'd had a similar party. She did have to smile, though, when she noted that neither of them had been wrapped in paper. The entire thing had been very considerate of them all. She had felt so guilty considering that there were so many other important things to worry about. Her birthday was the least of these, especially when last year's had been so tragic and she really wasn't keen on commemorating being another year older. But she had to admit, it was nice to be able to forget about things for a few hours.

Jasper had been the best part of that. The most exciting part of the evening was when he said he would drive her home. She knew he would be staying with her that night as soon as Charlie was asleep and that was enough to cause her heart to race. She didn't need presents or parties or dresses; Bella just needed him. As soon as she was settled in the passenger side seat of Annabelle, wrapped in the warm, sweet smell of Jasper's jacket, her birthday really felt like it started.

"You'll tell Esme thank you a million more times when you go back, right?" she asked, leaning her head against the seat as she grinned over at him.

* * *

It was a little unfortunate that Bella's birthday fell in the midst of all the chaos and hard times they were facing. Unfortunate, but not something that was to be forgotten amidst all the hardships. Jasper insisted that they do something special for her birthday. He feared the day a little, given what happened on her last birthday. It was not something he was going to allow himself to think about, though. He wanted her birthday to be special and a happy occasion. He thought it'd be good for her, and for everyone else, too. They'd all been so highly strung over everything, and an evening to celebrate Bella and her birth seemed like a great way to forget about all their worries for a short time. Everyone deserved a break. Even Rosalie.

He had Esme make all the arrangements with Charlie in regards to Bella being permitted to come out of the house and stay with them over night. It had taken some persuasion, but somehow Esme worked her charm and convinced the Police Chief to let his daughter spend time with her boyfriend and his family. Jasper didn't care how she did it; he was just glad she managed to succeed. As a favor to Jasper, none of the presents had been wrapped. They were placed in ornate boxes or inside of gift bags in order to hopefully prevent any paper cuts this year. He was thankful. The last thing they needed was a repeat performance, though he'd hoped his control was at least a little better by now, after being so close to her most of the time.

However, "most of the time" was a bit of an overstatement in recent weeks. Jasper's time had been spent mostly trying to deal with the situation with newborns. It had kept him very occupied and very involved with the tactics used to go about fighting them. The nights he'd usually spend with Bella were sometimes filled with training his family and teaching the wolves from a distance what they needed to do in order to successfully take down a newborn vampire. He'd go to Bella when he could, but some nights proved to be difficult. When he wasn't doing that, Jasper was taking care of preparations in regards to one of her birthday presents. This was something he'd been working on for a very, _very _long time. Since before they'd even run away.

After the party with his family, Bella was led to believe that she was being taken home. He loaded her presents into his trunk and then escorted her to her side of the car, opening and closing the door for her once she was inside. He moved to his side of Annabelle and after waving to the family, drove off. At first, he started off in the direction towards her house, but detoured after a little while. He did not think Bella would think anything of it. They stalled a lot, which had begun back when she'd first started to go back to school. It would not seem out of the ordinary for Jasper to take an unconventional route back to her house.

A smile crossed his face when she spoke, asking him to thank his mother for the party again. "Of course," he said, lightly brushing his fingertips against her shoulder with one hand, while the other stayed on the steering wheel. "I'm very grateful to her for pulling it all together as well. And I'm so relieved you enjoyed yourself."

He wondered if she found it strange that he had not produced a gift for her yet. He knew Bella, and he knew she wouldn't be expecting anything because she wasn't like that. But she _had_ to know that he wasn't going to let her birthday pass without giving her something.

"Would you open the glove compartment, Belle? There's something in there for you," he said a few minutes later, smiling. Inside of Annabelle's glove compartment would be three boxes. "Open them from biggest to smallest, all right?"

Inside the biggest one, would be the copy of The Divine Comedy that they'd shared. It was his from several decades ago, but it meant a lot to him and he wanted her to have it. The second box contained a necklace he'd bought for her a few weeks ago. He knew she didn't like a lot of fancy things, but he'd thought it was beautiful and something she could wear beneath her clothing if she didn't want others to fuss over it. Or she could keep it in a drawer if she wanted; he just wanted her to have it. It was silver and contained three small circles within one another, small diamonds dotting each one.

The final box was the one he was most excited about. It was small, almost resembling a ring box. Inside of it, was a silver key. And by the time Bella opened it, they were pulling up to a large house, secluded deep in the woods just outside of Forks, on the opposite end of town from the Cullen home. There were floor to ceiling windows, and inside it was easy to see the house had already been lit as if expecting their arrival.

Her gift, was a home for the two of them to always retreat to when they needed and Jasper hoped one day would be _their_ home, if Bella wanted it to be.

He didn't say anything at first, just pulled to a stop in the driveway and turned off the car, then waited for her reaction.

* * *

The day had gone so much better than Bella would have ever expected. Even though it was impossible for anyone to fully forget about what was going on outside the Cullen's warmly lit home, it _felt _like there had been no worries. Though the guest list was sadly shorter, this birthday had gone without a hitch unlike the year prior. It was nice. It fulfilled part of the childlike wishes that Bella had in terms of wanting to forget about everything negative for awhile and focus on things being happier.

Of course, to her, turning nineteen was not a happy thing. It marked her officially as another year older, another year closer to death. Those were things that were always thought about considering her unique situation with Jasper. They were the same age now. Well, figuratively speaking as he was just changed after he'd turned nineteen. She smiled when she fondly thought about the day that he drove he back to school for the first time and on their detour, they talked about his age. She hadn't been able to guess and remembered, with her cheeks still being able to hold the same blush, that she had sounded foolish.

As far as gifts were concerned, Bella _wasn't _concerned about Jasper's gift or rather lack thereof. He knew her well enough by now to understand that just being with him was the best present she ever could have received and no material thing would ever be able to compare with that. But she knew Jasper well enough too. She knew that he likely had something for her but was waiting until they were alone. Bella soon found out she was right when he asked her to look in the glove box. Giving him a skeptical look, she paused for a moment before appeasing his wishes. Her eyes widened when she learned there was more than one.

"Jasper…" she warned him, giving him another skeptical look. She sighed though and started with the biggest one when he instructed her to. There was no way he was going to let her get away without at least opening the gifts, despite that she felt guilty doing so.

The book was perfect. Her face lit up when she ran her fingers over the familiar copy they'd read together off and on when she was able to spend time with him in the recent weeks. It was his own copy which of course made it so much more special than just the book alone. She'd known that it was important to him and that he was giving it to her was touching. For that reason, she had a little bit of trouble accepting it, but since this meant something to Jasper, she wouldn't turn him down and disappoint him for not accepting his present.

"This is the only thing I need," she said, holding the book to her chest momentarily. "Thank you." That might have been true, but it seemed like it wasn't the only thing she was going to get. With another sigh, she set the book gently in her lap and reached for the medium-sized box out of the three.

The necklace would be much more difficult to take. When she opened the box and saw the silver piece glittering as they passed under the street lights, she gasped.

"Jasper…" she warned again.

But this time, her voice was softer, in awe of the beautiful piece of jewelry. Gently she traced her finger around the circles, amazed at the intricate, yet simple design of it. She might not have worn much fancy jewelry, but upon seeing this, she knew that she would never take it off from the second it was in place around her neck.

"This…" she marveled. "This is beautiful," she finished, glancing over at him. Bella contemplated taking it out and putting it on that very second, but she decided to wait until they got to her house so he could help her with it. It was so delicate that she feared she would ruin it somehow if she tried to herself with her clumsy fingers.

But they never got to her house. Bella had yet to realize that they were nowhere near it as a result of the two presents that now lay delicately in their boxes in her lap. After the book and the necklace, she really thought about just closing the glove compartment and forgetting that there could possibly be anything else. He had already gone out of his way for her in such a drastic sense (in her opinion). She couldn't possibly accept anything else. There was absolutely nothing she needed more than just the person who was sitting next to her, driving her around in the dark and watching her with amusement when she opened the gifts she'd had trouble accepting.

But it was for fear of hurting that same person that she pulled the smallest box from the glove compartment before shutting it. The very last thing she wanted to do was to make Jasper feel like his gifts and efforts were unwanted, however unnecessary they were. Hurting his feelings by rejecting them just wasn't an option. And thus, rather than risk that, Bella would accept the gift knowing that it was something that made _him _happy. He deserved that.

Her reaction to the last gift was unlike the other two. First of all, it was bewildered. A key hadn't been what she had expected to be nestled in the littlest box. Her brow furrowed and she looked up to question what it belonged to. But before she could turn her attention to him, her eyes caught on a large, well lit house that she only now noted they were pulling up to. When he stopped the car, her confusion only doubled. Taking the key from the box, she held it in her open palm and looked back and forth between the gorgeous house on the water and Jasper. She wasn't putting two and two together, but because this had been something unexpected – especially since she had been preparing to return home – not being able to work out the puzzle wasn't that far-fetched.

"I don't… understand," Bella said, shaking her head, brow furrowing deeper as she looked down at the key again before glancing up at Jasper for an explanation.

* * *

Jasper smiled at her reaction to the third gift. It was about what he expected, though he'd wondered if she would manage to put the two together when brought face to face with the first and second parts of the last gift. He leaned in and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead, with the hopes of smoothing out the lines in her furrowed brow.

"Come with me," he said softly.

He kissed her cheek, then moved back and got out of the car. He walked around to her side and opened the door for her, helping her out and closing the door behind her. He kept hold of her hand, lacing their fingers as they walked towards the house.

It looked very modest from the front. At least, modest for the lavish taste the Cullens were known for having. Jasper was not usually as extravagant with the use of his money, typically opting for a more subtle extravagance. Such a thing might seem odd, but that was just Jasper. He didn't throw around his money, but he did spend it. This house, however, was not at all modest when one saw it from any other angle besides the front. The back was the true show piece, but he did not want to reveal it to Bella just yet. He needed her to understand what this house was for and why they were walking up to it.

Just before reaching the entrance way, Jasper stopped and took both of her hands.

"This is something that is actually for both of us. I hope you don't mind sharing with me," he said, flashing a sideways smile for a moment, but then became serious again. Despite the more serious look on his face, he was still smiling with his eyes and his expression was very sincere.

"I don't want to scare you with this," he said, lightly brushing his thumb against the side of her hand. "This is just.. a place for us to get away when we need to. It's outside of town, but not far away enough that your father will hunt me down with a rifle and every police officer in Washington. This is meant to be ours, for whenever we want to forget about everything else and remember what's important." Jasper brought her hands up to his lips and kissed her knuckles.

This was where it got a little more difficult for him. What he was about to say was a very important step in their relationship. To him, it was solidifying the extent of his intentions. It wasn't hard for him at all to commit to her for eternity; he'd already done that within himself and giving her his mended heart. It was what had to happen in order to give _her _the eternity that he had that made this so hard for him. Changing her.

"This can be our haven, Bella. It will be ours for as long as you want it to be. We can always come back to it. You will always have a place near Charlie. It will be a place for us to stay when you will need time.. to adjust. It's been specifically designed to accommodate for our.. unique needs."

Jasper moved to the side a little, and carved into the front pillar in his calligraphy styled handwriting there were some letters engraved into the white column.

_I.M.S. + J.M.W._

"All that's left is to open the door and step inside," he said, smiling again. "Will you do that with me?"

* * *

Her features softened when he kissed her forehead, but to say Bella was still confused was an understatement to say the least. She gently left the book and the box with the necklace on the passenger seat when she go out of the car and took Jasper's hand with her free one. Her intent had been to ask him to put the necklace on her when they returned home, but it was apparent that home had not been the final destination. Or at least, not her and Charlie's home. And so, the poor, beautiful piece of jewelry would have to wait, safely tucked away in the box on Annabelle's front seat while Bella tried to make sense of what exactly was going on.

Soon enough, she would get her answers. When he started to explain, it was almost impossible for her to pay full attention when he gave her one of his best smiles, the type that pulled up one side of his mouth. If he would have continued to keep that smile that always melted her heart, she didn't think she would be able to fully listen to another word he said. Thankfully, for the sake of the explanation of her birthday present, his expression changed to a more serious one.

As Jasper spoke, everything started to piece together to make sense. He'd gotten her a house. He'd gotten _them_ a house of their very own. Not just a house, but it was more a home in the sense that it was just theirs. A safe little haven that was _meant _for escapes. Her gaze drifted to the house when he explained that to her.

It was no secret that Bella was an emotional person. She was very strong-willed, yes. But at the same time, she was the type of person to be known to shed tears from time to time whenever she was angry or frustrated. Or when she was so happy that she didn't know what else she could do. At first, she didn't even notice that her eyes were welling up and that those aforementioned tears were not that far from spilling down her cheeks. It was so much more than just a place where they could go now to escape when they wanted to. From what Jasper was saying, this would be their home forever.

Forever, meaning that she would be able to enjoy an eternity with him. Forever, meaning that he was referring to the idea that Bella would be changed.

He'd thought of everything. He picked out a place that, even though remained to be seen in full past the front of the house, was perfect. When he mentioned that it would be fitting for accommodating their needs after she'd changed, she'd been touched. But then when he said something about Charlie and being close to him, Bella became aware of the tears brimming her eyelashes.

Though she wanted, more than anything, to be able to be immortal in order to be with Jasper forever, the most difficult thing that she would be giving up was not being able to see Charlie. But with this, this wonderful, safe place that was all their own, she wouldn't have to sacrifice the loss of her father to the extent she would have expected. That Jasper thought of such a thing when considering the house, touched her heart in a way that would never be able to be explained.

That heart skipped several beats when he moved aside in order to reveal the initials that were intricately carved into the pillar.

_I.M.S. + J.M.W._

That was what caused the tears to spill down her cheeks. They were silent, but they existed and only did so on account of how touched she was, how utterly happy he'd made her. She still couldn't speak. She opened her mouth as if poised to do so, but nothing came out. She only nodded slowly when he asked her to go inside with him. Before Bella did that, however, she let go of his hands and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into such a close embrace that it would have been impossible for even the smallest sliver of a piece of paper could fit between them. The fingers on one hand wove into his hair, while the other clutched the key in the palm of her hand behind his back.

"Thank you," she whispered against his neck, the skin there damp with her quiet tears.

* * *

He could feel her spread of emotions, ranging from shock to touched to pure elation. It was a beautiful transition between her feelings, and Jasper felt very blessed for his ability, rather than cursed. It assured him that he had done a wonderful thing for her, and that she was very happy with his efforts. It was an honor for him to get to feel all of it with her and it filled his own heart with a sense of joy that he could only have with her, his Bella. Her emotions were always so sincere, so genuine, it just proved what an emotionally driven person Bella was even though she probably did not think herself to be. Jasper had a bit of an edge, being able to understand her emotionally, but he was pretty sure that even without his ability, he'd know what Bella was feeling. That by no means meant she was easy to read, but they were so in tune with each other that he felt he knew her inside and out regardless.

As she threw her arms around his neck, Jasper's own arms wrapped around her waist. He pulled her firmly against his body and held her close. The direct contact between them gave him an extra heightened sense of her emotions. They were pouring directly into him and he could feel how happy she was. He wasn't sure he'd ever felt so fulfilled before. It was so rewarding to know that she was so thrilled with the idea of the house. Knowing that it made her happy to think of their relationship in terms of eternity, and that she loved the house, really made him feel complete. He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of her hair, smiling into it. His own happiness would be apparent, as he allowed her to feel everything he was feeling.

"It's my eternal pleasure," he murmured into her hair, kissing the side of her head just after. Jasper lightly stroked her back with his fingertips without moving his hand too much. "This means so much to me, to be able to share this with you for all time."

For all time, or at least, for as long as she wanted to stay with him. Jasper hoped that would be for all time. Vampires, when they mated, it was for life. Only if something beyond the vampire's element of control occurred - say, death - would they separate. In Jasper's case with Maria, it had been a circumstance where while he considered her his mate, she never considered him to be _hers_. The element out of his control had been her hatred and violence, and it drove him away. But with those unpleasantries aside, Jasper had found true love with Bella. He wanted to be with her forever. Beyond that, he needed her. His heart _hurt _when he wasn't at her side.

He lifted his head from his hiding place in her hair, then tilted it a little so he could lean in and kiss her. It was a tender kiss, but behind it she would be able to feel him pouring his love into it. When he pulled back, he gazed at her with a loving smile but made no move to wipe her tears away. They were the personification of her emotions, and he found them to be beautiful as they spilled down her cheeks. Instead, he lightly stroked her hair and kissed her forehead. Very gently, he took her hand that was holding the key and helped her place it in the keyhole. Together, they could turn it, and together they could open the door. He thought it would be a bit more symbolic that way.

"After you, my lady," he drawled softly.

* * *

**Author's Note:** We hope you loved this chapter as much as we did. A very happy one, indeed, but it also addressed some very important things including how Bella feels about her punishment from Charlie and why she accepts it (since many of you were upset about it), as well as Jasper officially consenting to Bella's wished about immortal.

The next chapter follows directly after this one and you'll get a good picture of their new home as well as how Bella thanks Jasper for her birthday presents. ;) Please, as always, remember to review our story! We love hearing from you! And if you aren't already, of course follow and favorite. Cheers!

**Lyrics:** Somewhere Only We Know - Keane

**Additional important author's Note: **There are only two more chapters left in this story. Sort of! Not to worry; it isn't ending yet. There's still so, so much more to come with these two. But we are splitting it into two parts BECAUSE there's so much material. We just want to prepare you all for that so when you see that the story is complete after chapter 31, you know it's only part one. Think of it as two 'books' to a series, just how Twilight started off. :D Hope you all are as excited as we are!


	30. Chapter 30

_Give a little time to me or burn this out,_  
_ We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,_  
_ All I want is the taste that your lips allow,_  
_ My, my, my, my, oh give me love ;;_

Everything was symbolic with Jasper and Bella. Of course there were things that were taken at face value – their emotions contributing the most to that portion. But there was also a portion of their relationship that was strengthened and defined by symbolism. Their initials on the column that Jasper had carved had been one hint of it. The way he held his hand over hers to turn the key together was yet another.

Bella easily could have opened the lock on her own, or else given him the key to do the honors himself. But this was how it should have been – together. It symbolized the idea that this was the beginning of a long stretch of memories that _together_ they would share in this place. Since it was for the both of them , it made it easier for Bella to accept. The fact that this would be their _home _made her look past the thought of it being a birthday present. This was so much more than any gift she ever could have received. This was a promise for a future. And suddenly, in this moment despite the fact that there was so much danger lingering in their reality, that aforementioned future seemed a lot longer. Endless.

Another symbolism of how much she loved him – endlessly.

When the lock was turned and the door was opened, Bella paused before stepping foot inside. Standing on her toes, she reached her free hand that wasn't holding the key up to cup his cheek so she could lean up to meet his mouth for another kiss. It was brief, but like their liplock a moment ago, Jasper would still be able to feel everything in that kiss, just as he allowed for her to do as well. Those emotions all matched. Those feelings all fit together and played off one another effortlessly. She flashed him a smile when she lowered back to her feet, the soles of her sneakers touching the ground. The choice of footwear didn't really fit the rest of the outfit considering the dress Esme had picked out for her was nothing short of exquisite, but they were comfortable for Bella and they were characteristic of her awkward sense of style. Rosalie, of course, had looked at them and scoffed, but Bella also caught the way that Carlisle shot her a look at the first hint of a disgusted sigh.

Upon entering the house, Bella honestly didn't know where to look first. The floors were all a beautiful light-colored hardwood. The look of the entire house was so modern and yet, there was something so charming about it, she noted as they entered into the main open hallway. It was different sort of layout, one that she had never seen before. The staircase was in the hallway, the most beautifully sloping set of steps she'd ever encountered. It even rivaled Esme's back at the Cullen house. But if the staircase was beautiful, it was just plain ordinary in comparison to what lay beyond it. From the floor to the ceiling, windows formed a half circle on the back wall of the house. Outside, the harbor was lit up, twinkling lights from the boats docked far in the distance. They looked so small where they sat on the edge of the water, so much so that the lights were like fireflies stuck in between the deep blue of the water and the darker shade of the sky. Her breath caught in her throat at the open, beautiful view.

In awe, Bella drifted toward the wall of windows in the rear of the house, keeping a hold on Jasper's hand the entire time, but unable to focus on anything but the magic of the house's landscape. "Oh," she exhaled softly. "This… Jasper," she said, looking up at him to make sure that he was seeing the same thing that she was, the same level of elegance. But surely, he'd seen this before.

"Wow," she uttered, shaking her head softly.

* * *

Her speechlessness was endearing. Jasper knew that Bella was quite possibly the most unassuming person he'd ever met. She did not expect any of this, did not expect him to buy things for her, or even to think about such things like their future together, to ensure she would always have a home near her father, and to consider everything else he'd thought of in having this home created for their needs. She did not expect it, and she appreciated everything he did for her.

Jasper in turn did not expect her gratitude because to him, she deserved everything he had to give her and so much more. He perhaps had a bit more appreciation for all the extravagance his lifestyle had to offer than the rest of his family, because he was not privileged with it for so long, the way they had been for the entirety of their vampiric lives. Perhaps only Carlisle could appreciate things the way he did when it came to spending money. Whatever the case, he was happy to be able to provide them a home to make Bella's transition a little easier, and to assure her that things would be able to stay as they were as much as possible.

Jasper followed her through the house, all the way to the back where the tall windows revealed the gorgeous view the property had to offer. It was similar to the view the cabin had, but Jasper found it to be even more beautiful. He was much more interested in watching her and her reaction, because to him there was no more breath-taking sight than Bella herself. He said nothing for the time being, wanting instead for her to take in as much as she could at first sight. When he finally did speak, his words followed a tender kiss to her forehead.

"I'm glad it pleases you. There's still much to see," he said quietly, and with their fingers still laced he started to walk her through the rest of the expansive luxury home.

"All of this furniture is subject to change. I had it delivered on a trial basis. If there are any changes you want to make, I don't want you to be afraid to tell me. This is _our _home. I just did not want you to walk into a slew of empty rooms."

He led her through the large, open kitchen which also overlooked the same view. There was already food stocked in the refrigerator and pantry in case she wanted anything else that night and for her breakfast in the morning before he had to take her back to Charlie's. There was a large media room with dimmer lights to give a more cozy atmosphere for when they wanted to curl up and watch movies. There were extra rooms, for the occasional visit from any family members. He showed her the wine cellar, lightly joking that he doubted there would be any _white_ wine stored there. The garage came next, and he made sure to show her there would be plenty of room for her truck.

The last room Jasper took her into was what would be their bedroom. It was very large and open, with large windows and glass doors leading onto the wrap around vaulted deck. There was a fire place, a flat screen television in case they wanted to watch tv or movies in bed, which speaking of was quite large as well.

"If you'd like to pick out a different bed, it's not a problem. Again, I just wanted to give you an idea of what it would look like in the room."

The master bath was next, which had a large walk in shower with glass walls, a well lit vanity for her and a very nice tub for them should they want to use it. Jasper knew that this was a lot for her to absorb, so he took her back out to the bedroom and sat on the side of the bed with her.

"Are you all right?" he asked. "Is this, all right? If it's too much, we can leave and I'll take you home."

* * *

The rest of the house was just as beautiful as what Bella had seen from the outside and from simply walking into the entrance hallway. Jasper was patient with her as he led her throughout the rest of the lavish estate, letting her get a good look at everything as they entered into each room, not one more enticing than another. She assured him that the furniture he'd picked out was perfect and that she wouldn't have chosen anything to be changed. That was the truth, too, not something said just to keep him from worrying. Bella was a go with the flow sort of girl for certain, but that didn't mean she didn't have any opinions of her own. They just had similar tastes to one another and so, it all worked out as far as décor was concerned.

Each time they entered into a new place in the house, Bella's mind instantly started to wander, drifting to what their future could be like in this house. When he showed her the kitchen, she imagined making meals together for her like they did when they were at the cabin. She could also see the two of them standing there at the island in the center, playfully nudging each other and flirting—her referring to him as an old man, him teasing her about being a klutz. It would be like the cabin, yes. But this was all so different. This was their _own_. These would be their own memories to create here, their own home to make together.

When he said those words "our home" as he was explaining about the furniture, Bella's heart skipped another beat. When they entered it, she too, thought about how nice it would be to curl up in the media room with one another and watch movies or silly things on television that really neither of them were interested in, but rather, were just content to enjoy each other's company in close quarters. The fact that there were other rooms made her happy too when she thought about family coming to see them. That family included her parents, though she didn't know how she would explain why she still looked nineteen – Jasper as well – years down the line when they came to stay. It was a complication she didn't want to think about.

Even the garage made her smile when Jasper so thoughtfully made mention of her beloved truck. She liked that he respected how fond of it she was, even though it would be the only thing really out of place in such an expensive luxury home. Even next to Annabelle, it would hide in the shadows and yet, she still loved it. Jasper accepted that and never once tried to get her to try to think about upgrading to something more modern. Or at least, something that was capable of going 100 miles per hour.

She spent more time taking in the beauty of the bedroom and the connecting bathroom with it. Again, a flood of possibilities entered her mind and she imaged that they would spend a lot of time here, even when she was immortal and no longer needed to separate their time with periods of needed sleep.

When he sat her down and asked, in all seriousness, if everything was all right, Bella had to give him a look that probably made it seem as if she thought he were crazy for asking such a thing.

"Jas," she said, sliding her hand down his arm until her fingers found his. "This is perfect," she said.

Despite the look of incredulousness she gave him a moment earlier, she too, was serious about this. But she was feeling far too light-hearted to keep a grin off her face or the sparkle out of her eyes as she gazed at him.

"Don't worry. Please?" she asked in case he would continue to do just that. Leaning into him, she reached for a kiss. The brunette let her lips linger for a few moments to savor the taste of him before she pulled back with a smile and patted the bed with her free hand, looking back at the rest of it.

"And the bed is perfect," she said. "Mortimer will be very pleased with his new home."

* * *

Jasper would have understood if she'd been too overwhelmed by the house. He had gone into a bit of a culture shock when he first became part of the Cullen household. Of course, he'd gone from not having any home at all, roaming the streets and forests, to being a bit more civilized and occasionally staying in hotels. Then once he came to stay with the Cullens, he was thrown right into a lavish lifestyle and made to live in a house bigger than any he'd ever seen. Going from having next to nothing to not even having to bat an eyelash for something he only sort of wanted was not easy to adjust to. For many months he barely even moved, only when he had to, because he was afraid he'd sit on the wrong couch or read a book he wasn't supposed to touch. Or god forbid, break something. Most of that was all self-imposed, but Jasper could understand if Bella felt entirely too uncomfortable sitting in a house like this. He hoped in time she'd feel better about it and that this wouldn't just be a house; it would be their home. That was why he tried to implement elements of familiarity, such as a place for her truck.

As they sat on the bed together and she started to reassure him that she felt better, Jasper did not rely on her words. He read the emotions behind them to know if she was truly feeling all right about this or if she was just saying it to make him feel better. The latter was not something he suspected, but he was so cautious to make sure Bella was happy that he could not help but check. He watched her as she spoke, and nodded once when she told him not to worry anymore about it. It did make him feel more relieved to let go of his fear that she would not want to live there with him, and instead look _forward _to it.

Jasper smiled as he kissed her, happy to let it linger a bit longer than she may have intended. The taste of her lips was something he felt he would never grow tired of. He loved her kisses and the way her soft lips molded to his mouth. It saddened him that he could not provide the same sweetness that she did, but he also knew that however it felt to her must have been at least somewhat enjoyable since she never would hesitate to kiss him back or initiate the affection herself. Once he got over the idea that she felt obligated to kiss him and explored the option that she might actually enjoy it, Jasper felt more compelled to kiss her for much longer periods of time. Of course, this was a risk to his thirst, but he simply could not help himself. Perhaps that was selfish of him, but it was something he knew made her happy too.

At the mention of his stuffed moose nemesis, Jasper very nearly hissed on the spot. He didn't know _why_ he held such contempt for that stuffed animal, but something about it made his skin crawl. He raised an eyebrow at Bella and eyed her for a moment.

"I.. suppose.. Though I wonder if perhaps he'd find he had more room to stretch his legs in one of the guest beds? I wouldn't want him cramped. Or maybe he'd be better off staying in your room at Charlie's, even. He likes taking up space in your bed." Though he did not particularly care for that thing, if Bella wanted it in the bed then he'd comply.

"Regardless, he's going to have to deal with it when I want you to myself..." he murmured, leaving a lingering kiss right where her neck met her jaw.

* * *

A shiver shot up her spine when the chill of Jasper's lips touched the sensitive spot just where her jawline ended and her neck began. He had to have known the effect he had on her now, even with the smallest touch, the littlest kiss to her skin. One thing was for certain – all it took was that gentle touch of his mouth and Bella forgot completely about everything else.

"Well…" she said, dipping her head slightly to catch his mouth for a kiss. "You have me all to yourself _now_." Bella kissed him again after that, sparing no room for a response unless it involved kissing.

That realization was driving her actions. He had her to himself. They were alone. Just the two of them.

Such a thing had been nearly impossible to come by in the recent weeks. Even when it was just them in Bella's room at night, they were never completely alone. Just outside the window, somewhere in the vicinity of the Swan's backyard was always another one of the Cullens. If Jasper was able to stay over at night, there would be two people keeping watch over the house. When he couldn't come because of further planning back at his house or because he was in need of a hunt, there was usually only one who stayed outside Bella's house. It was mostly Emmett on account of he was the one who would be able to fend off a stray newborn by himself better than anyone if Jasper couldn't be there himself should such a situation occur. Carlisle had too much to do in terms of further negotiations with the wolves and planning, especially when Jasper was at the Cullen home for the night to go over things with him. Bella understood of course, and it was difficult. But she endured it, just like Jasper was.

However, whenever they were reunited, it was like years had passed. Because Bella was still strictly grounded before this point, she couldn't see him as often as she would have liked. Thus, she made the most of the time they did have together. But it wasn't easy with very human hormones. Bella couldn't seem to keep her hands to herself when Jasper was in her bed. Touches and kisses were urgent and needy more often than not. But there was always a point – a damn difficult one – where they would have to pull away from each other to consider the circumstances. Again, there was always another one of his family members just outside and again, it was mainly Emmett more than any of the was probably able to hear every word that passed between them in any case. Poor Jasper would probably be getting the brunt of that teasing, so there was no need to fuel the fire.

Despite how badly Bella would have _loved_ to fuel Jasper's fire.

And then there was Charlie. The chief of police might not have been the lightest sleeper, but he would definitely be able to hear it if Bella couldn't stifle her groans when Jasper's finger ghosted under her shirt or started to kiss her neck. Even if Jasper would have been quick enough to hide should Charlie wake up and come over, it would have been extremely difficult for Bella to explain why she was making such a commotion. Therefore, there was a lot of frustration when those aforementioned hormones were forced to be put on the back burner and the two of them had to settle for PG-rated actions before Bella drifted off to sleep, worn out by sexual tension in the air.

She could feel hints of that tension building up now. But there was a major difference; they _were_ alone. This was their place. It wasn't being guarded or watched over or eavesdropped upon. There wasn't the risk of her father bursting in the room or hearing howls of laughter from the trees outside. It was private. It was romantic. It was theirs. The thought made Bella's heart feel light and her emotions run stronger, something that he would get a firsthand account of as she continued to kiss him.

"I won't… tell him… if… you won't…" she mumbled between kisses.

* * *

Though Jasper knew that Bella was unaware of her levels of sensuality, he of course was very aware of them. His attraction to her should have been no secret, but he also knew that Bella had no idea how attractive she was to him. For that, he sometimes felt that he was not doing a good enough job of showing how alluring he found her to be, but he also knew that Bella was the type to forever dismiss that notion. He was the same way, though he felt he had reason to be. But Bella had an extraordinary effect on him. He'd always found her to be pretty, but it was not until they were together that he allowed himself to look at her in a way that let his desires take hold. Everything about her captivated him. He was so taken by her at times that he could not look away from her.

It was true that their moments of physical intimacy had been few and far between ever since they came back from their impromptu getaway. The problem had been the fact that they had no privacy, or a location that could provide what they needed in order to be together in such a way. It was impossible to engage in anything sexual in Bella's bed. For one, the last thing he needed was for Emmett to look inside and see them, much less hear all of it from wherever he was outside. Even worse, there was the possibility of Charlie finding out he'd been in her room.

Jasper had a hard time controlling his strength in the midst of making love to Bella, and it was highly likely that he would rip the sheets of her bed and possibly even _break _the headboard if he got his hands on it. Jasper didn't feel right about trying to make love in the Cullen house, either. He was such a private person anyway. He didn't feel comfortable with it. They'd tried while in his car, but Annabelle wasn't exactly known for being a spacious car. Fate seemed to be momentarily against them in that regard.

Now that they had this home of their own, Jasper felt they would have many opportunities to engage in making love if they wanted to. That wasn't the only reason he purchased the spacious house, of course. It was for their future. But he would've been lying if he'd said he didn't think about it at least a little when he bought the place.

He returned each of her kisses, and could feel the desire from her building. It was a very nice advantage for him to be able to feel her emotions. He knew she wasn't pretending to want him; she truly did desire him, and that meant a lot to him given his low opinion of his himself. One hand slid to rest on her cheek while the other lowered down her side to squeeze her hip lightly.

"My lips are sealed, " he whispered against her mouth, "by yours." Jasper kissed her passionately, his own desires intermingled with hers and nearly overwhelmed him. "I love you," murmured, and pulled her against his chest. His lips found hers again and he continued to kiss her and breathe in her scent through his nose.

* * *

Bella knew that Jasper would never alter her emotions. That being said, she knew that he wasn't doing anything intentional to get her to feel the desire she was feeling for him now. That was still his doing, yes. But it was nothing that could be helped. He couldn't help the fact that he was so alluring to her, that he always made her so tempted to just throw out all her cares or worries and just concentrate on him and the way he was making her feel. It was hard when those feelings had to be stifled for whatever reason - because they couldn't be together, because they couldn't be together _privately_, or anything else that may have conflicted with spending time with one another in such a carefree manner as they had when they went to the cabin. Or like they were able to do now.

When he returned her kisses, that aformentioned desire for him only increased. It was one thing that she was so attracted to him on his own, with no other factors contributing to that. But when it was paired with the fact that it had fully sunk in that this house could have a lot more advantages that extended beyond any other sort of birthday present, Bella was having trouble controlling the way she was acting. That, of course, was mainly due to the fact that she had hormones that had been forced to be suppressed for the sake of everyone else. That was one of the worse things, one of the most difficult elements of Bella still being human - her teenage hormones. And though she was a year closer to leaving behind her teenage years altogether, that didn't mean there was any change in the way her body reacted when she was filled with desire. Anytime that Jasper's mouth moved against her, such a thing occurred in a way that never would cease to amaze her.

"I love you too," she whispered in response, pressing her lips to his when he pulled her closer to him.

It still didn't feel close enough though. But that was something that Bella would attempt to remedy. She shrugged off his jacket that had been keeping her warm. It was a little sad to be rid of the cozy garment that had smelled so strongly of him, but she figured she wouldn't be too heartbroken when she had the real thing in her arms. And, the house was rather warm, after all, something she took note of as being because his thoughtfulness. The entire time, including when she also removed the little sweater she'd been wearing over her dress, she continued to kiss him, keeping her mouth attached to his. Her arms wrapped around his neck when they were free of the other material and she couldn't help herself from moving into his lap.

She might have been moving a little bit quickly, but Bella truly hoped Jasper wouldn't be opposed. If he was, she could of course, respect that and would gladly slow things down until he was comfortable. Even if he didn't want to be quite so physical, the brunette would have been all right with that as long as she would still be able to lay in his arms at the very least. But by now, even she had enough confidence to think that it would be very unlikely. Either way, she would find out how Jasper felt when she broke from his mouth to cover his face with tiny kisses. Her lips brushed against his cheeks, his forehead, his nose, his jawline - anywhere she could reach. They were fairly innocent, but the way her fingers fisted the material of his shirt with both hands might have had another connotation.

"I've missed this," she whispered when her lips trailed to his ear. Moving her mouth downward, she placed another line of kisses until she finally met his lips again.

* * *

Jasper had missed it too, more than she knew. Not just the rush of desire and need for Bella physically, but the intimacy as well. His world was dominated by emotions and being with her like this, he was able to express how he felt about her through his actions and the emotions behind them. She could feel everything he felt, and he could convey how much he wanted her, _needed _her, just by holding her, kissing her. She could know when he was kissing her neck, or running his hands down her body, just how beautiful and desirable he felt that she was. Being able to make love to her was especially intimate. Not only because it joined their bodies and felt incredible, but also because he knew Bella could feel his love for her in its most raw, intense state.

He had not brought her here explicitly to get her into their bed, and Jasper knew Bella knew that. Now that they were there, however, he did not think that they would be leaving anytime soon. He could feel the rise in Bella's hormones and was certain he would've been able to do so even without the use of his power. If there was one thing Bella couldn't hide from him, it would be this. It was a bit amusing to him at times, how she could get so worked up in her passion, when she did not seem the type at first glance. Then again, he was pretty sure he was the same way at first impression.

Her hot breath against his ear drew a low growl from his throat, though it was stifled by her lips finding his again. Jasper kissed her deeply, trying his hardest to take care not to hold her too tightly or kiss her too intensely. The combination of his own desires mixed with hers always hit him hard, nearly overwhelming him. She'd exposed more skin to him by taking off two of the garments covering her shoulders and arms. He could not help but kiss down the side of her neck to her left shoulder, then back up along her collar bone.

"Belle.." he murmured, holding her against him in his lap.

He kissed back up to her lips again and stayed there for now, not wanting to get too far ahead of himself already. One hand stayed at the center of her back, supporting her there, while the other slid up into her hair, lightly stroking her long, dark locks.

Her heartbeat and blood flow had begun to accelerate. Her breathing had become a bit more rapid and shallow, and Jasper was very aware of all these things. He could hear them, feel them, smell them. It was maddening to his thirst but he'd learned to control it. Not completely, of course. He knew he was still putting Bella at risk by engaging in this sort of behavior, but he loved her too much to deny them both such an intimate exchange. He needed this and he knew that she did, too. Jasper had taken all these overwhelming sensations and channeled them with his emotional control to shift the lust he had for her blood into a love for everything about her. Instead of wanting to feast on it, he cherished it. He cherished her scent, her heart, her blood, her body.. everything.

* * *

Bella didn't want to move too fast either and could appreciate it when he slowed things down a bit. She just honestly couldn't help herself. It was true that upon first glance, she didn't seem like the type to have trouble keeping her hands to herself. Bella was much more reserved in the presence of most others and preferred it when she kept things to herself. It wasn't as if she had many relationships in the past. Edward had been her first and because he feared so much for her safety, the two of them were never in danger of exposing any sort of passionate or physical side. Bella preferred it that way - at least, she preferred not to be so public and let many people in on the secret that she could be a very physical person.

Truth be told, it was something of a surprise to her as well. She wouldn't have predicted in the past that she would be the type of person to struggle so much at times with not pushing her lover too far. In fact, Bella would have even laughed out loud if she used the term 'lover'. But that's what Jasper had become and it didn't seem like such a laughing matter anymore. He'd started off being someone that she could relate to in a time of such deep tragedy. The two of them went from hardly ever speaking much to depending on one another. He was her friend - her best friend in time - and her protector. It may have been so unexpected from the beginning that they would wind up like this, but the progression had been nothing less than beautiful, even though it was sprinkled with times of hardship and strain. It had been a long way from hardly being acquaintances to being a pair that wanted to spend an eternity with each other.

She would never get used to the way her name sounded on his lips, especially the special name he called her. No one else had ever called her 'Belle' and with Jasper, it seemed like it was fitting. It made her feel as if she belonged with him back in the 1800's in a full skirt in the south. Either way, the name on his lips alone had the ability to send a shiver up her spine. That shiver had nothing to do with being cold as a result of being so close to him after she'd taken off his jacket and her sweater, but to ensure that he didn't think that way, she relaxed her fingers from his shirt and slid her arms around his neck so they could reposition themselves in his hair. She knew how much he liked it when she toyed with the curly blonde locks and she was always happy to please him by doing so, especially since that was one of her favorite parts about him. One of the very many. As she gently twisted his hair through her fingers, she tried to calm herself down.

The fact that they had all night together helped. Bella assumed that she was given permission to stay out for the whole of the night since Jasper hadn't rushed her home to Charlie. As much as she knew that he wanted to spend with her as she wanted to spend with him, the brunette was fairly certain that Jasper never would have done anything to go against her father's wishes. Not after she'd been grounded for so long and was just granted freedom. Jasper was far too respectful, yet another thing she loved about him so much. But even though they had all night together, it was clear that Bella was still having trouble with her impatience. Patience, also, was never a virtue that Bella was good with keeping.

She continued to kiss him but when she could feel herself slipping into dangerous territory by wanting to taste his lips with her tongue, she forced herself to pull her mouth away. The last thing she wanted right now was to make a wrong move that would cross a dangerous boundary and thankfully, she had only really made that mistake once when the two of them had been at their carousel. For safety's sake, she moved her lips to his neck, kissing along the expanse of smooth, marble-like skin that was exposed there.

She too, was aware of the fact that her heartbeat and her breathing had both significantly increased, but she couldn't help either one. Even though his skin was cold to her touch, her own felt like it was on fire. Such was making it extremely difficult for her to sit still and in his lap, that had the potential to go against every ounce of composure she was trying to keep. She didn't feel quite so _composed_ as her hips pushed into his and she exhaled sharply against the spot where his pulse point would have been.

* * *

Jasper never wanted to let her go. If he could have, he would've held her against him forever. Nevermind the fact that he wanted her in other, physical ways. If he had the option, he would have been perfectly happy to just sit with her and hold her in his arms. It was something he knew if she were immortal like him, they could sit this way for hours and hours, staring at each other. It was something Jasper would have been able to engage in without tiring or growing bored. The time would pass without him even realizing it, as he'd be so lost in her beauty and how much he loved her.

Sometimes it still surprised him that they'd reached such a deep level of intimacy and shared such a strong, unwavering bond. He hadn't intended to fall in love with Bella Swan; it was the last thing he ever envisioned himself doing. His love for her had developed during a time when he never thought he would be capable of loving again, nor did he even think he _wanted _to love again. Nevertheless, the feelings had developed and blossomed into a beautiful love that he cherished with all of his heart. Bella had managed to find her way into his heart and create her own presence there, which he would keep forever.

Jasper knew she was holding back, trying not to let herself get to carried away. He knew, because he could feel it from her. It bothered him a little that she had to hold back her passion and guard her actions. This was something he insisted on her doing, though, because if she didn't then he was liable to lose control. If she got carried away, he wouldn't be able to help himself, and she would most likely end up injured or worse. Even when he was being careful, he still risked hurting her. That had been evident when Bella ended up bruised all over after they made love for the first time. It was so difficult for him to stay under control and not just ravish her with everything he had. But Jasper knew that for her sake, he had to keep a harness on his actions.

As her hips crushed against his, Jasper sucked in a sharp breath and buried his lips into her shoulder. He pressed up against her as she lowered against him and could not keep a soft moan from escaping his lips. The hand that was in the center of her back slowly started to pull at the zipper on the back of her dress. He wanted it off of her so he could see more of her skin and have access to it with his lips. He kissed a long trail up the length of her shoulder and neck, then down her jaw until he came in contact with her lips. The zipper started to slowly come down until he reached the bottom. He slid his hand into her dress, lightly stroking her side and grazing his fingertips across her skin.

* * *

If he was trying to keep her from moving too fast, or at least, if he was trying to help her from doing just that, Jasper would need to stop… well, _everything_ he was doing at the moment. He wouldn't be able to trail kisses against the bare skin of her neck and her shoulder. He wouldn't be able to let one of those sounds escape his lips to signify that he was enjoying himself. And he most certainly, _certainly _wouldn't be able to move his hips upwards against her in the manner that he did once she pressed her own down onto his. But the fact of the matter was, was that he was doing all of those things and the way he was reacting to her was causing Bella to have a lot of trouble settling herself down.

It was frustrating to her too, to have to hold back, but Bella still felt guilty that Jasper would have to know that by means of his special ability. She didn't necessarily want him to realize such a thing, especially when it was something that could be so easily misconstrued. Because while Bella was frustrated, she was also extremely happy with his acceptance and his leniency. It still amazed by the fact that he allowed her to be so physical with him, that he allowed for the both of them to be so physical with one _another_. Even after they underwent so many obstacles, the biggest one involving intimacy being when Jasper noted the bruising on her body after the first time they made love to one another. He had been so hard on himself and yet, he understood how much it meant to Bella. As soon as she'd assured him, he allowed for the both of them to engage in the most intimate of acts once again and just like it had been the first time, it was perfect in every way. Maybe it was for that reason that being denied the chance to get so physical close was so difficult –- because it had been so wonderful the first time.

It wasn't something that was common for a vampire and a human. Obviously. She could imagine that if Jasper would have sought the opinions of his brother or his father that they would both have opposed the idea of him attempting to have sex with a human, especially one that he tried to attack the year before. But it didn't matter what anyone else's opinions were. They had managed just fine and Bella was still breathing and alive and well. Her heartbeat was the proof of that, especially with the way it was accelerated in her chest. And the bruises that had been an aftereffect of their first time at the cabin were long gone which made it a lot easier for more of Bella's skin to be exposed.

That was what seemed to be the story when Jasper's hand moved down the zipper on the elegant dress that Esme had given her for her birthday. Bella almost smiled when she wondered whether or not the matriarch in the Cullen family had any idea that the brunette wouldn't be taking it off herself later on. It was probably better that she wasn't the one doing it, truth be told. It was such a beautiful garment, that it was safer for Jasper's graceful fingers to do the job and fore go the risk of her clumsy hands ruining the zipper somehow.

However, those clumsy fingers of hers didn't seem to be having any trouble pulling his shirt from the waistband of his trousers so she could unbutton the bottom two or three buttons in order to slide her hands beneath and explore his skin. It was cold beneath the touch, of course not having been warmed at all by the fact that his clothes covered him. But again, it was something she took comfort in, familiar by now. Bella didn't take his shirt off completely yet, but as she moved her hands higher up his torso to move along his skin, the fabric lifted with them.

* * *

Jasper gasped lightly as he felt her warm fingers exploring his skin under his shirt. He shivered as her fingertips ghosted over the scars on his sides. The scars didn't physically hurt him anymore, but had left his skin very sensitive to touch. Especially to Bella's warmth. He was doing the same to her, by touching her beneath her dress from the back. He wanted it off of her, though. Or at least pulled away so he could touch her without being confined by the dress.

He didn't want to rip it, as Esme had taken great care to find this dress for her and would probably be very sad if she found out it could never be worn again. Instead of tearing it, he moved his hands up her slender arms and shoulders, and peeled the top of the dress down to expose the upper half of her body. Now that he had more of her to see and touch, he let himself touch and kiss her more liberally. Jasper's hands slid up and down the curves of her torso, squeezing her hips gently. His lips trailed along her shoulder again, and it was all he could do not to nibble on her skin or run his tongue along the side of Bella's neck. He wanted to, so badly, but managed to keep his control in check, difficult as it was.

"I need you," he whispered, wrapping one arm around her waist while the other slid up into her hair to rest at the back of her head.

He raised his head up and looked her in the eye. Everything else he wanted to say would be evident in his gaze. Jasper _needed _her, physically, emotionally, and every other way possible. The love in his eyes was tinted with a hint of lust and desire, a need only she could fulfill. Bella was everything to him, and she _meant_ everything to him. He needed to show her that, to physically show her his love and how much he wanted to be close to her.

Jasper lifted her slightly and in one fluid motion, he laid her on her back on the bed. He crawled over her, between her knees, and leaned down to kiss her lips slowly, but deeply. His hands slid down her body again and he gently started to push her dress down the rest of the way. He kissed down the side of her neck, all the while moving his hands back up her body. One slid beneath her, creating an arch in her spine, while the other slid up to unclasp her bra and remove it. He lowered her back down and kissed further down to her right breast. His lips closed over the peak and he teased her there with his mouth, while the hand that had unclasped her bra slid up to her other breast and squeezed was so careful not to put too much pressure on her delicate skin, not wanting to recreate the bruises that had just healed in recent weeks.

* * *

Every time his lips moved across her skin or his hands traced her flesh, Bella's resolved weakened a little bit more. But when he pulled back to look her in the eye after pushing down the top of her dress, it didn't seem to matter how fast or slow they were moving anymore. They both had the same mindset at the moment.

It was amazing how many different ways there were to hold a conversation. There was the traditional way of speaking of course. Jasper had spoken the given fact that he needed her. The words and the velvet way they left his lips were enough to flood her with desire alone. But when thrown together with the other forms of communication – the one that his eyes gave her in the way they appeared in a darker gold that Bella had only ever witnessed when they were physically intimate with one another, and of course, the physical language that passed between them - it was impossible for her to resist his. Volumes were spoken in that sense when he moved them both back onto the bed, an action that was so gracefully done that for a moment, Bella paused to take in the fluidity of it, even though she should have been used to the way Jasper moved so effortlessly by this point.

Her amazement at his movements was lost when his lips found hers again and he kissed her in a way that made her dizzy. It was none too soon when he pulled his mouth away to replace it against her neck because Bella was running short on breath. That was not exactly helped when the rest of her dress and her bra were lost due to his handiwork. Her fingers, in the meantime, had been finishing off the task they set off upon earlier of unbuttoning the black shirt that kept him far too confined for Bella's liking. When it was pushed over his shoulders and down his arms, her hands moved to caress every inch of bare skin they could reach, moving up his sides and sliding around his back.

"Jasper."

She gasped his name and sucked in a sharp breath when his lips enclosed over her breast. The contrast in temperature between his body and the room was incredible. The air was so warm whereas the chill in his skin wherever he touched her caused goosebumps to raise on her skin. Her immediately instinct, however, was not to pull away, but rather, to pull him closer. Her back arched against his touches and her torso met with his now equally as bare one.

The sensations she was feeling were so incredible that Bella could start to see why it was probably impossible for a vampire and a human to make love to one another. It wasn't so much a risk that he could kill her because of his strength or even because of his blood lust, but because the poor girl didn't know how she could manage to house all the pleasure she was feeling as a result of his ministrations. If he too were human, Bella didn't think she would feel the same level of intensity she felt even from the smallest touches. She knew he was holding back to a degree for her safety, and thus, it proved the point that hardly any effort had to even be administered in order for her to be filled with such lust and desire for him.

She, on the other hand, couldn't help but to be a little more forceful with her actions. Bella didn't realize she was doing it at first, but her nails were digging into the muscles of his lower back, trying to pull him closer while at the same time, trying to find some sort of outlet for the amounts of pleasure she felt as his lips teased the peak of her breast and his hand continued to mimic the actions of his mouth. When she did take note of it, she felt somewhat guilty despite knowing that there was no way she could have caused Jasper any damage.

And so, she brushed her lips against his head apologetically and moved her hands up his spine. When they traced back downward, they dipped beneath the waistband of his trousers in search of more of his skin. There was enough room for her fingers to maneuver under the layers of clothing covering his lower half so they could press against the muscles of his rear end, pulling him closer to her in the process and causing a groan to be emitted as a result.

* * *

Jasper shrugged out of his shirt, though he felt a bit insecure as he did so. He knew Bella couldn't see his scars, but he could see them ravaging his arms as he held her. There were so many instances where he felt he wasn't being fair to her; she knew about his scars but she said she wasn't repulsed by them. That was very considerate of her, but it was very easy to say that when she couldn't see them constantly. He also knew Bella was one to suffer in silence, just like him. It was the same as when she said she wasn't cold while he held her, despite her body shivering and lined with goosebumps. She deserved what she saw in the camouflage and more. He didn't want to think about it right now, but it was difficult not to when he was brought face to face with this disfigurement everyday.

He pushed his unhappiness out of his mind and focused on her. If he could please her, then that was enough for him. Jasper paid close attention to what he was doing, kissing on her breast and massaging the other. He could feel her desires increasing and her hormones racing from his actions, which drove him to want to please her more. Her hands were roaming his back and dipping lower, growing more bold as her passion and needs increased. When they slid beneath his trousers and she pulled him closer, his eyes opened and he grinned, nuzzling her hair and kissing her temple. He knew Bella was getting completely flustered and beside herself with pleasure. He could understand; it was getting to him, too.

Jasper lifted his head and found her lips again, kissing her deeply. He blindly removed the rest of her clothing and brought her hands around to his front, leaving them on the fastening of his trousers, helping her to undo them as quickly as possible. He wanted her. He _needed _her. Being as emotionally driven as he was, there was no stronger connection that could convey how much he loved her than when they were joined, making love to each other. It was the physical embodiment, the emotional transference, the epitome of being one with her. He wanted her to feel everything that he felt, to fill her with the love he held in his heart. She was his world, and he wanted her to know that.

He managed to pull the comforter down from beneath her and over them both to keep her warm and to help warm his own body up a little from the electric heat. He didn't want any of her pleasure to be taken away because of the icy chill of his body. This had worked before at the cabin, so he figured it would help now. While Bella never once complained of the difference in temperature, he wanted more than anything to be warm for her, soft for her, instead of this marble statue. He knew it was impossible to achieve that state of being, but he could do his best to mimic it.

Jasper slid out of his clothes and pressed his body against hers. He started to kiss her again, slowly for a long time. When he finally lifted his head, his eyes opened and he gaze down at her. His golden eyes took in the sight of her face and met her gaze.

"I'm so happy you were born," he said, which on any other day might have been an odd thing to say. But given it was her birthday, he found it appropriate. "So happy that I can be with you," he murmured, and kissed her again. "It means so much to me, that you love me as I love you."

It was not often that Jasper spoke so much, but he loved her so deeply, and while it was conveyed emotionally quite often, he did not typically speak like this. He kissed her again, sliding his hands beneath her back and holding her against him.

* * *

Bella was undergoing some sort of strange revelation. It was something she acknowledged before, for certain, something that she knew was the truth, but in this moment the fact of the matter struck her like a chord on a church organ; she was happy.

Truly, blissfully, unapologetically _happy_.

Of course this was not the first time that she had been happy, especially not with Jasper. There were plenty of times when that had occurred in the past. But always, it seemed, with all of the odds stacked against them in such a marvelous cacophony that guilt should be quick to follow such aforementioned bliss. But today, that was far from the case. Rather, Bella let go of everything. She let go of the plaguing threats that loomed in their future and the demons from their pasts. Instead, she lived in this moment. Her inhibition within such a safe, peaceful haven was the direct consequence of the breathtaking being intertwined with her in this treasured reality.

Jasper broke all the rules with her, it seemed. There were sides of Bella that he could touch that she either deemed unavailable or that she didn't even know existed. The prime example was her lack of enthusiasm when it came to celebrating her birthday. There was no particular reason why it was a day that she didn't like. She'd always had quite nice birthdays, truth be told. It was just the fact that the idea of being the center of attention, even on a day that was meant to possess such a considerate luxury, made her stomach turn and her insides uneasy.

Something was happening to her insides now, but it had nothing to do with nausea or an upset stomach and everything to do with her heart. The way that he spoke was with such a genuine validity that she _wanted_ to be the center of attention. She _wanted _to be appreciated in such a touching manner. But she only wanted it to come from him. To Bella, one person was far good enough. Jasper was that person. He had the ability to melt her with words despite freezing her with his body. Her heart felt much more akin to fire than it did ice.

Even something about his kisses seemed like it was an awakening. They were passionate, but slow and drawn-out. She decided then and there that they were her favorite kind. While hard to pick a favorite out of the many similar gestures that Jasper bestowed upon her, this was the one that made her feel as if she were spoiled.

"You have no idea how much," she said when she pulled away from his lips long enough to open her eyes to meet his gaze again.

But he did. He knew exactly how much she loved him. Even though she wasn't always the best with words – Bella had a tendency to stumble over those and be just as much as a klutz as she was physically – they weren't always needed for her to express how much she loved him. That was such a wonderful feeling. But at the same time, there were instances, just like Jasper, where she liked to tell him, speak the words from her own lips.

"You've made this the best birthday I've ever had," she said with absolute truth behind her words.

And it was. It was so far from the one that had occurred the year prior. Bella was sure that everyone would have laughed even at the prospect of things turning out in the manner of which they did. In a way though, something was similar. Jasper was still lusting for her. It just seemed like it had much more to do with her body and much less to do with her blood. The feelings and the desires were entirely mutual on Bella's behalf, despite the fact that she was still wholly human. The fact that they were different species was irrelevant when it came to assessing how fulfilling it was to be laying with him, naked against his skin, however different it felt against hers.

It didn't actually feel quite so cold as it normally did, however. She half-smiled at the thoughtfulness of the heated duvet that encased the both of them, warming her skin as well as his from the direct contact. She was grateful from the closeness when his fingers pressed against her back and allowed her to be closer to him. Both of her arms wrapped around his neck to accommodate the intimate proximity and her thighs nestled his hips comfortably. For a few moments, she just embraced him, nuzzling his neck and breathing in his enticing scent.

"Thank you," she breathed against his ear, kissing the shell of it affectionately.

* * *

Jasper was elated to hear that she was enjoying herself so much. It made him feel incredibly good to know that she was so happy. He always, always wanted to ensure her happiness, but today it was imperative that she be as happy as possible. This was her day, and Jasper wanted her to feel as special as he knew she was. He wanted to give her all of himself, his heart, his soul, his body. He'd devoted himself to her already, and he was certain she had to have known that by now. Even so, he would not hesitate to pledge that devotion as often as possible.

He felt her thighs against his hips and her arms around his neck. This drew him to hold her closer, to press his body to hers. He managed to do so without putting too much of his weight on her, keeping most of it on his knees. There was a gentle smile on his face as she nuzzled his neck and he felt her breath against his skin. He wanted more. He wanted _her_. Her whispered thank you did not go unnoticed, and he sighed softly as her lips brushed against his ear. He could feel her gratitude, mixed with all the desire and need. It was a wonderful feeling, and he wanted it heightened as much as possible.

Jasper repositioned his hands, sliding them from beneath her to rest on her sides. He was being very careful to tread lightly so as not to mark her with anymore bruises. He couldn't stand the thought of being the cause of her bruises again. But though he was being very careful, he was still intense with the way he touched her, the way he looked at her. He nudged her chin lightly with his nose, only to kiss her lips again as soon as he could reach. One hand left her side and slipped between their bodies. He started to stroke gently between her legs. Though he wanted to make love to her now, to join their bodies and give in to the desires that were begging to take control, he wanted this to be all about her.

The focus was on Bella, of course, but Jasper could feel so much of the pleasure, the desire, himself. He started kissing along her jawline, all the while moving his thumb in a circular motion. His index and middle fingers gently slipped inside of her and started to move in their own sort of rhythm. Jasper moaned softly at the feel, and busied his lips with kissing along the hollow of her neck.

* * *

There seemed like there would be a conflict, even despite the perfection of the situation. However, even though a conflict was present, it certainly didn't mean it was anything of a negative sort. Bella was currently torn between two halves. On one side, she wanted to take her time. She wanted the two of them to go slowly and just enjoy every second of their intimate situation. For a day she normally wanted to be over rather quickly, she suddenly wished for the hours to drag on and on so she could spend the whole of the night appreciating Jasper and thanking him physically for everything he'd done for her on this special day. She wanted to stretch out the minutes and the act of their lovemaking and the events that preceded it so it would last throughout the whole night and never seem to end. Once it was over, it would be all too quickly in Bella's eyes.

But then there was the other side. It was the polar opposite of that which existed to desire a long, slow night of making love to one another. Instead, this half of her was driven more by lust. Both, make no mistake, were also driven by love, but this latter side was far more in tune with her hormones, working hand in hand with one another to create a completely different desire. On this hand, Bella didn't want to waste time. She wanted all of him all at once and it didn't feel like it would be possible for her to obtain that goal fast enough. She wished to touch and kiss every last inch of his skin and run her fingers over all of his dips and lines and subtle angles.

The way that he moved his fingers made her drawn closer to the idea of fulfilling the second half of her desires. Bella honestly didn't know if it was just because Jasper had so much experience over the past century or if it was just because he had already become so in tune with her body that he had the ability to touch her in all the right places, in _all _the right ways. When he moved his fingers in a pleasurable combination, there was no means of controlling the way her body naturally reacted. Her lips parted and her eyes closed as her muscles tensed slightly. The way he danced his lips across her neck and jawline made her shiver with delight and her head lulled to the side for a moment to rest, just enjoying the feel of everything he was doing to her.

The arms that were around his neck tightened momentarily in order to keep him close, but they soon both went in different directions. One of her hands moved down the side of his body while her other set of fingers lifted his chin in order for her to press her lips into his, the perfect cocktail of warm softness and chilled marble. The kiss was slow but there was a building amount of lust that was behind it, a hidden sort of bite almost.

It took a bit of a bite for certain when Bella's hand that had been on his side moved to press against the one Jasper had between her thighs. Immediately she moaned as a result of the self-assisted pressure. Keeping her hand against his, she moved her hips in accordance. It was a bold of her and perhaps not something that Bella normally would have done. But she wanted to make sure that he knew how much she liked what he was doing. And she did.

A _lot_.

At the same time, she was able to pull his hand away when she knew that she wouldn't be able to take much more of it. It went back to her struggle about moving slow and wanting everything all at once. When her breathing really started to become erratic and her back started arching into him, her fingers curled around his to pull them back. Her hips pressed against his then to let him know that she was more than ready – a fact he already knew full well and that his hand could attest to.

"I want you," she whispered almost desperately as her hands moved to his sides and she shifted to hook one of her legs around his hips.

* * *

There were times when Jasper wondered if he'd done the right thing by engaging in such intimate behavior with each other during their time away from Forks. Bella was still young, and there was also the matter of them being a different species from one another. That did not mean there was any pleasure lost between them - not even the slightest. It was just a constant danger; he was more of a threat to her than she would probably ever acknowledge, even more than he usually was in their day to day interaction. He'd already bruised her body before, and he was still ashamed of himself for that no matter how many times she told him he did not need to be. Jasper just thought she deserved someone much better than him. Someone who didn't need an electric blanket to keep her warm, someone who didn't feel like stone, someone who wasn't mangled with scars. Bella deserved so, so much better.

Just as these thoughts were filling his head, she spoke.

_I want you_.

Those words pierced through his self-deprecating thoughts and he opened his eyes to gaze down at her. Why? Why did she want him so badly? Jasper could not for the life of him understand why someone like her would want someone like him at all. Yet, he could feel it from her. She genuinely wanted to be with him, she genuinely wanted to be one with him now. It baffled him, but it was undeniably true.

He did not fear he'd hurt her when she pulled his hand away. Jasper would have felt her discomfort or fear if he'd caused it. Her actions also spoke volumes, in the way she pressed her hips up against his and her hands slid over his sides, unknowingly brushing against the scars that left his skin so sensitive to touch. Her leg hooking around his hips was another indication that she was wanting more. Jasper did not feel worthy enough to give her that, but he would die before he denied her of something so precious.

He anchored himself by pressing his palms into the bed on either side of her after positioning himself properly. He leaned down and kissed her tenderly, then slowly pushed into her. He gasped softly and pulled back from the kiss, gazing down at her as he pressed into her. The rush of emotions mixed with the physical sensations that came long with becoming one with her were all so intense. Jasper clutched at the bedding beneath them and slowly pulled back, then pressed into her again slowly.

"I love you so much," he whispered, just barely forming the words. He moved his hips slowly at first, creating a rhythm for them to move to. Even though he felt that she deserved better, if he was who she wanted then he would do everything he could to be what she needed for him to be.

* * *

It was the cursed side of Jasper's ability that caused Bella to have an indication as to why the atmosphere suddenly seemed different for a moment. She could feel every bit of his desire and his wanting, but there was a twinge of something else. He was down on himself. Something caused for her to bear witness to the change in the emotions that coursed through him at the moment and it wasn't difficult for Bella to understand why. Being this close to one another _was _a dangerous thing. As much as there were times when she sometimes wished she could be otherwise, Bella was a very sensible person. She knew that it was not the smartest thing to be engaging in such intimate acts with a vampire, even though the two of them proved that it was something that could be done without resulting in her death.

Even still, it didn't mean the doubts were erased. It was particularly hard on this day considering a year before was the same event that marked a very, very different outcome and the beginning of a downward spiral. That spiral, however 'downward' it was, was still what brought the two of them together. For that, Bella held her confidence. It didn't matter what events necessarily led up to this moment and long as this moment still existed. And it very much did.

She reached up and gently smoothed her fingers against his cheek to try and reassure him as best she could without having to speak. The words they'd exchanged shortly before his shift in emotions had done the part of verbal conversation. She didn't need it to convey how she felt now. She didn't need it in order to tell him that she trusted him, that he not only had her heart, but that he'd written his name across it with an unerasable marker.

It seemed, either because of her assistance or because of his own accord, that he again shifted the emotions coming from him back to the original ones of lust and love that she felt so strongly intermingled. If Jasper truly was still concerned about the situation, Bella was quite sure he would not have positioned himself at her entrance and a moment later, with an affectionate gaze and a promise that he loved her, moved inside of her and fulfilling her in an unexplainable way.

Jasper always told her he loved her when they were making love to one another. Without fail, even when they were doing lesser acts physically (however, no less in the desirable outcomes they had), he always expressed that he loved her by manner of his words in addition to the physical element that was obvious. There was never time for the brunette to doubt the way he felt about her or even to dwell in any insecurities or nerves that may have surfaced. Everything negative was erased entirely when he spoke those words.

"I love you too," she promised against his lips.

Her hips found his rhythm easily. Their bodies were so in synch with one another, even though this particular act was something that had only been fulfilled twice before. For the way they matched one another's actions, it wouldn't be that far-fetched to assume they'd been lovers for years. The hand that had been on his face drifted back so her fingers could lose themselves in his curly blonde locks. Her other moved along the expanse of his spine, trailing from the dip between his shoulder blades down to the small of his back. They moved together effortlessly, like it was natural and didn't require any prior thought. But at the very same time, it felt unspeakably good in Bella's opinion. She liked that she could contrast the touch of his cool, firm skin with the soft curls that covered his head. Twisting her fingers into the latter, she pulled his mouth down for another kiss. It was always more difficult when they were in constant movement with their lower halves, but Bella was desperate to feel his mouth of hers. The quicker their hips rocked, the more needy her kisses became.

* * *

Jasper would always want her, in every sense of the word. He did not have the hormones that she humanly possessed, but he did hold within him an extraordinary amount of passion. He could feel the desire, and the need, the yearning for each other. There would never be a time when he did not feel passionate about being with her. It was in his nature to desire her always, as vampires did their mates. That was, perhaps, to make up for their lack of hormones.

Bella need not fear that his eyes would stray. There was no other for him. She had his heart, and he wasn't looking for anyone else to take it, nor would he ever ask for it back. It felt right that she should have it. She was, after all, the one who mended it into a functioning house for his emotions once more. He wanted her to always feel loved, to show how much she'd helped in restoring his capacity to love again. Jasper would always do his best to show her how much she meant to him, how much he cherished her, how much he undeniably adored her. He knew she could effortlessly feel it coming from him, because of his ability. But because that came so easily for him, he wanted to express it in other ways, which included him expressing his love verbally to her in every instance that he could. Especially when they were making love.

Being with her so intimately was something that felt unbelievably natural to him. Even though this should have seemed other worldly, given the difference in species, it felt familiar - albeit, the pleasure derived from it _was _other worldly. Perhaps it was because of how close they were, or perhaps they were just truly made for each other. Whatever the reason, Jasper indulged in how good it felt to be with her like this again. They'd only been able to engage in it a couple of times prior, but he hoped that now with this new haven to retreat to, they'd be able to give themselves to each other much more often.

As she twisted her fingers in his hair, his own fingers twisted into the sheets beneath her. Jasper couldn't describe the feeling he got from being inside her, only to say that he was being enveloped in her warmth again and again each time he pressed into her and it was heavenly. He rolled his hips as he pushed inside of her, trying to reach all those ultra sensitive nerves within her. He kissed her passionately, and as he rocked his hips in time with hers, he let his power extend a bit into the pleasure she was feeling. Of course, he did not manipulate her feelings, he just... heightened them a bit so she could feel them at their most raw intensity.

* * *

Because it all felt natural between them, Bella was getting far more in tune, not only with Jasper's body, but her own as well, in ways that she never experienced before. Of course she was no stranger to the way that her hormones raged through her almost on a daily basis, heightened whenever she was in Jasper's presence and especially when the two of them were alone. There had been many of those instances, especially in the recent weeks when they were unable to fulfill what they truly desired in terms of wanting to be so intimate with one another.

The more he touched her, the more they engaged in experiences like these, the more she came to understand when she was getting closer to the climax of her pleasure. It, of course, was not an instantaneous thing, but rather it was gradual. With how expertly he seduced her, however, it didn't take long in most cases. At least she had come to recognize the signs when she was getting closer throughout that process. It always began with a dull throbbing between her legs and spread through her entire body, feeling like electricity by the time she peaked. Usually the delicious tingling occurred even before Jasper fully entered her. Tonight had been no different; as soon as he started toying with her via his fingers, that feeling made its presence known.

However, something was very peculiar about this particular instance. As expected, when he started moving his hips and pushing himself in and out of her, the throbbing became much more consistent. But all of a sudden, it was the electricity that she was feeling even though she was sure she wasn't about to finish. Because he'd been kissing her at the time, he could feel just as much as hear her astonishment when her pleasure took an abrupt shot upwards. Her lips parted and she gasped with a sharp hiss. A pleasurable one at that. It was certainly unlike _anything _she had ever felt before, but she didn't understand why such a thing changed all of a sudden. Not that she was complaining, of course. On the contrary, the way she reacted made it clear that she was very much enjoying the unexpected change.

Her fingers tightened around the curls they'd been threading through when she received the sudden jolt of pleasure and she accidentally tugged a bit harder than she would have perhaps done so if she were consciously thinking about it. Her hips initiated a faster pace between the two of them, or at least, made a serious attempt to persuade him into picking one up. Each time after that, whenever he pushed inside of her with a roll of his hips, Bella's insides felt as if they were torched. It was the most delicious feeling that she didn't want to end. It seemed like whenever he entered her, he found the spot inside that caused her toes to curl and her back to arch. It was something that she wanted to prolong for hours and hours. Bella would have even settled for a few more blessed minutes of such an intensity, however greedy such a thing might have been.

Such an enticing luxury would not be in her future sadly. There was only so much more Bella could take before amidst the burning inside of her, she felt her muscles clench and her hold on him tighten. The fire in her core spread instantly throughout her body, reaching to the ends of her fingers and the tips of her toes. Both sets of her fingers dug into the muscles in his back as she rocked her hips desperately against his.

"God, Jasper…" she choked out in a moan, squeezing her eyes tightly shut and unable to bite her lip to keep from moaning again.

She did so, rather loudly for Bella's standards, but it was all part of the intensity of the orgasm she'd just had to put all of the previous ones he'd given her to shame. And that was saying something considering they had _all_ been mind-blowing. She didn't immediately relax when it was over, but instead, she continued to move her hips with his, determined to draw out every last pleasurable second.

* * *

It did not bother him at all when she clutched him tighter, tugging and twisting her fingers into his hair. Even if it had hurt him, it would've been worth it for the chance to see that beautiful look upon Bella's face as she was pushed over the brink of ecstasy. Jasper knew he'd given her more than what she was used to feeling, heightening her pleasure with his power, which he'd never done before. He hoped she wouldn't mind it too much, and given her reaction it seemed it had a positive effect on her.

He held her as she trembled and moved against him to ride out the waves of her climax, shifting his own pleasure aside to allow her to fully experience hers to the fullest. He ran his hands all over her body, caressing her sensitive skin. Only when she'd started moving at her own accord again, rocking her hips against his, did he let go of her and anchor his hands against the bed again. His fingers curled in the material of the sheets, and he resumed his journey to reach the peak of his own pleasure. It did not take long, at all. Jasper could still feel the effects of her climax, and allowed himself to fully be engulfed by his own pleasure. His hips started to move a bit more erratically, and before he knew it, his orgasm struck him hard and fast, drawing gasps and low moans from him.

The sheets were torn, ripped apart in his grip as he'd clutched them so tightly. Jasper hated that he couldn't trust himself enough to hold her the entire time he made love to her, but he was just too afraid he'd harm her. The fact that he would almost always rip apart the sheets was further affirming in his caution to keep his hands at bay. However, that did not mean he couldn't hold her in the aftermath. Once his climax had completely subsided, he slowly pulled out of her and moved to lay next to her, but quickly slid his arms around her. He held her close and kissed her lips. He loved her so, so much.

One of his hands started to gently stroke down the center of her back, then back up. "Happy Birthday," he said softly, smiling at her and kissing her forehead. "Are you all right?" He always feared he would hurt her, no matter how careful he was. "Did I hurt you?"

She seemed content, but he knew she wouldn't make it easy for him to figure out if he'd caused her pain or not.

* * *

The amount of pleasure she felt when she reached the peak of perfection concerning their lovemaking was not something that could have been rivaled. But watching Jasper when he reached that same point was almost better. She wished it could have been drawn out for longer. She wanted to watch the expression change on his flawless visage and listen to the way his sounds drowned her ears. It didn't matter to her if the sheets were ripped and ruined; she hadn't even realized they were in danger when she was so fixated both on the way he felt inside of her and the way he gasped and groaned.

She too, made a sound when he finished and pulled out of her. It was one of slight regret, however, at the fact that he was no longer nestled within her. But regret couldn't really manifest itself entirely when he pulled her close to him. She shifted to lay on her stomach, nestled close into his side comfortably. It wasn't cold as perhaps it would have been if they were just getting ready for her to sleep beside him. Instead, the combination of the electric blanket and the natural flush her body adopted as an aftershock of their intimacy combated the chill of his skin quite nicely and actually, being close to the cold was more of a comfort to her than not.

His fingers were soothing as they stroked her back and Bella couldn't help but to close her eyes just for a moment to indulge in the relaxation. The corners of her mouth turned up when he wished her a happy birthday. What a happy birthday it was indeed. How wonderful it had all been was enough to almost make her forget about the fact that she was a year older, something that had scared her so badly when she awoke in the morning. It didn't matter how old she was in years. In her heart, she would never age. It would forever be locked in the youth and spirit it had now. Maybe there would be time to start worrying about it all later, but for now, she was content in being nineteen. She would be even more content to remain that way - just as long as it was with Jasper.

When he asked if he had hurt her, her eyes opened to meet his. "Not at all," she assured him honestly.

She felt anything but hurt. Content, happy, loved, yes. But not hurt. She shifted a bit closer to him in order to touch her nose to his affectionately, letting her eyes close again.

"I feel..." she paused for a moment, trying to think of a word that could adequately describe how perfect she felt. Except for perhaps that one. "...perfect,' she finished with a whisper.

Her lips brushed against his softly, lingering there with a lazy kiss. It was far from rushed and hinted at both the fact that she was so fulfilled and satisfied with everything at the moment, as well as the fact that unfortunately, she was exhausted from it all as well. Another curse of being mortal. But Bella would take being mortal if it meant she could be a mortal in love.

And she was. Impossibly so.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Sweet but sexy chapter. :) Remember that the next chapter is the LAST one in Take Me Back to the Start, but soon enough, we'll start to post the next part of the story called 'Make This Go On Forever' and give you some ideas on what to look forward to in that one! Don't forget that this story WILL continue, but it will continue with that sequel. Happy holidays to all of you and yours! Please don't forget to review! :D Cheers!

**Lyrics: **Give Me Love - Ed Sheeran


	31. Chapter 31

_Now here's the sun come to dry the rain_  
_Warm my shoulders and relieve my pain_  
_You're the one thing that I'm missing here_  
_With you beside me I no longer fear ;;_

Dreams were not something that were uncommon for Bella. Recently, they had been more negative as opposed to not, more akin to a nightmare than a sweet escape while in slumber. That had everything to do with the fact that things in reality were trying, especially in the recent weeks. Her nightmares alternated between the subject of the Volturi, mingling the memories of Italy and the cruel fate that had been twisted there as well as the recent visit to the Cullen home. She used to only have one pain-stricken face emblazoned in her mind when it came to witnessing what Jane could do with her sickening power and relentless quest to cause pain. But now she had two. Jasper was the second who was added to that tally and it was his features that were marred with expressions of agony that haunted her dreams the most. In her nightmares, he was dealt a hand that was far worse than what had occurred after he'd instinctively lashed out when the ancient vampire coven made an appearance in Forks. Usually, these unfortunate interruptions to a peaceful night of sleep occurred when Jasper was not with her. Such had happened more than either one of them would have liked, but even still, Bella kept her tales of bad dreams a secret. It was something that couldn't be helped - there was always a chance she could still have them even when he stayed with her at night, even though she hadn't in quite awhile under those circumstances. The last thing he needed was to feel unnecessary guilt for not being with her to comfort her after she awoke with a fright.

Either way, her sleep was mainly dreamless when he did end up staying with her through the night. If it wasn't, she had anything but ill-fated dreams. Instead, they were more likely to be wonderful as opposed to anything else. One thing about Bella's dreaming was that it was often times repetitive. Whether good or bad or in between, it was common that what she dreamt of had been seen during her slumber before at least once. Tonight was slightly different, however. While the beginning had looked familiar to her, the ending wasn't one she expected. Everything started off black and white and with a haze of confusion. Then, a splash of color - golden yellow. Daffodils.

_'Hi there, Bella.'_

All the same. Except this time, it continued on. She still laid down with him, still curled into his side when he wrapped an arm around her. But she could see herself this time instead of seeing outward fro her own perspective.

'_Hello, old man,' _she teased softly. Her voice was different; melodic, like a piece of a song.

Her appearance what was made all the difference in the dream more than her added commentary. Her skin was creamy white, as pale as snow - more so than she usually was. Her complexion stood out even more with the contrast of her long, chocolate locks that framed her face. Her eyes had been closed but underneath, there were soft purple colorings as if she'd been slightly bruised in a painless way. But when they opened, there was a gold that matched not only the color of the daffodils, but more similar to the hue of Jasper's own set. Just as she was getting around to noticing how there was no end to where her skin ended and where his seemed to begin for how close in tone they were now, the dream ended. It was such a regretful thing and Bella craved to be able to fall asleep again in order to be able to continue on with it.

It would have been more heartbreaking if she hadn't woken to a reality that had been wonderful in and of itself. The brunette was very still when she woke, trying not to stir at all. She was very warm, the electric blanket tucked securely around her. One of her arms was slung across his sheet-covered chest and it remained as her eyelashes fluttered opened. They closed instantly, however, when they were met with the brightness of the room. The open floor plan left the master bedroom of the house lined with large windows which gave way to scenic views of the water. She'd appreciated it the night before when in the moonlight, it had been breathtaking. Once her eyes had adjusted, she would be able to appreciate the way the sunlight touched every surface in the room, signaling the start of her first full day as a nineteen year old. But before she could take it all in fully, Bella wanted to see how real her dream had been.

The rest of her body still remained quite immobile, but the arm that had been across his chest moved to pull down the sheet that had been covering it. It didn't register to her that it was strange for him to even be covered with the sheet to begin with considering he wouldn't be prone to the cold at all. Instead, she was fixated on her goal. Just as she suspected, when she compared her hand to the bare chest she laid it upon, her skin was definitely darker in tone. They didn't match. It wasn't a disappointment per se; it was just a confirmation that she had definitely been dreaming. She didn't notice anything other than the color. She was blind to anything else.

"Good morning," she mumbled, pressing her lips into his shoulder.

* * *

Bella's dreaming was something that Jasper had long since gotten used to. He often liked to try to guess what she was dreaming about, since he could not see for himself. He didn't remember what it was like to have dreams, so it was always fascinating for him to witness. Unless, of course, she was having a nightmare. Then he would do everything he could to soothe her back into a peaceful slumber. It was fortunate that most of the time when he was with her, her dreams tended to be of the more positive nature. He could only hope for the same when he wasn't able to lie with her at night.

After falling asleep that night, Bella once again slipped into a dream-state of being. Jasper held her and watched her face, looking for any signs of stress and counting how many times her eyelids twitched. She was mumbling a bit, but not even his heightened sense of hearing helped him much in deciphering the words into coherency. What he was really going by were the emotions he could feel from her while she slept. That made it easier for him to know if she was having a peaceful dream or a painful nightmare.

This would have been a perfect setting, but the timing of Bella's dream was a bit off. Jasper had intended to slip out of bed and put his thermal pajamas on to cover himself for when the sun rose into the sky that morning. The way the house was designed, their bedroom had floor to ceiling windows and big glass doors that led onto their balcony. The only problem with that was with the direction in which the house was facing, the morning sunlight poured into the room. He thought he could get around it, as long as he managed to dress himself before dawn. That was a foolish thought, though. How could he think he would be able to get out of bed while Bella was holding onto him? He wouldn't have disturbed her for anything in the world. His pajamas were in his sight, sitting on the dresser, but they were completely out of his reach. Instead of fetching them, he simply pulled the sheet that had been resting at his waist up over his chest and shoulders. He couldn't cover his face without covering hers, so he left it uncovered, but turned on his side to face away from the sunlight so that it would not catch on his face and illuminate the scar above his left brow.

It was no secret that Jasper was ashamed of his body, that he was repulsed by his skin and the scars that marred it. He didn't want Bella to be subjected to such a sight, and even be _glittering _from the sunlight pouring in. When she began to stir, he slid a little further beneath the sheet and remained still. He did not want to force her awake before she was ready, so he let her awaken on her own. His eyes remained upon her, taking in her beautiful face. Her eyes opened, then closed, then opened them again to let them adjust to the light, he presumed.

What shocked him was when she started pulling the sheet down. The sun's light immediately caught his skin and it lit up like a diamond caught in its bright rays. His skin did not twinkle exactly like others of his kind. Instead of the beautiful sparkle, his glow lit up the scars on his upper body and made them even more present than when he would see them if he looked at his arms or at his reflection. He wanted to pull the sheet back up and turn away, but he would not do something like that to her. Instead, he just watched as she placed her hand on his chest. He wasn't sure what she was doing, but he wasn't stopping her.

"I'm.. sorry.." he murmured, avoiding her eyes. "I know it's not pleasant to look at." He didn't want her to feel like she had to compliment him to keep him happy. Jasper knew her was hideous, and that there was nothing he could do about it.

"Good morning," he added quietly. "Did you sleep well?"

* * *

Bella didn't say much when he apologized for his scars. She didn't say anything at all. Instead, her attention fixed on them. It was funny how they eluded her almost entirely when she first started to examine his skin and the contrast it held against hers. They were visible now, illuminated by the way his skin caught the light and sparkled like thousands of crushed diamonds. This was one of the very few times she had actually seen them. The first time had been the night that the newborn came to her house and Jasper had wrestled with it in her backyard. She could remember what an emotional night it had been - for both of them. The fear of almost losing him, his fear of almost losing _her_, the relief at the conclusion, the worry of a continuing threat... There had been so many. But she would never forget the way it felt when he first showed her his scars under the bright flood of light from her desk lamp and proceeded to tell her the story of how he'd acquired them afterward.

It had been such an emotionally charged moment for the two of them. He'd been so vulnerable, so... afraid of what she would think of him after learning the truth and seeing the marks of his past. Bella recalled the way he broke down in front of her and held onto her like she was some sort of saving grace. It gave way to a passionate exchange between them and it was one of the many times that really solidified their relationship, strengthened it. Her views of him had never changed from that night. Upon seeing his scars, Bella still felt pain. She always _would_; she hated that he had to endure such an unforgiving past. There was nothing ugly about the scars themselves, only how and why they'd gotten there. To her, they were just another part of him. She loved _all _parts of him. Just as he'd told her that he couldn't hate the crescent that curved around her palm because it was a part of her, the same held true for Bella's opinion of Jasper.

That night, when she had first seen them, she'd made a conscious effort to try and memorize where each and every mark was on his body. She remembered most of them, despite how many there may have been, and could do so even without being able to see them with her naked eye. But now they were visible and she found herself captivated by them much more so than being turned off to them as he was. Her hand lifted slightly so that she could just touch her forefinger to his skin. With it, she started to trace the scars that covers his chest, fixated on the curves and the crisscrosses.

"You're so beautiful..." she marveled, continuing her feather-like caresses.

She meant what she'd said - he _was_ beautiful. To her, he was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. That included his scars. It would be no surprise if he didn't believe such a thing about himself when he made it so clear that he held shame when it came to the marks on his skin. Otherwise, he would never have apologized to her just now. Jasper wouldn't be able to deny her words when he could feel her emotions radiating within her, including the fingertip that continued to trace along his skin.

There was no rush. If he would let her, Bella was content in further memorizing where each and every line began and ended, where each memory was imprinted onto his skin. As her finger moved along his flesh, the way his skin sparkled cast white lights against her own skin, a reflection. It made it seem like they matched again, another fact that she marveled at, especially after her dream. There was still a darker tint to her skin, but it wasn't quite as noticeable as perhaps it would have been without the light reflections being cast from his own. Her finger continued to move along his skin slowly, almost as if she were worshiping the crescents that covered it, so far from being repelled by them. The delicate manner in which she traced them, moving down to the ones that marked his abdomen were mimicked by her lips. Shifting slightly, she crawled closer to him and started to press kisses to the origin of each one of his scars. Special attention was given to one on his shoulder, the worst of the ones that had been given to him when he was defending her from the newborn. Her lips pressed into the sensitive skin, eyes closing for the reverence. Similar affection was paid to various scars as she kissed her way over his chest and down to his stomach.

Pausing, she reached for his hand, tracing her fingertips down the length of it. Her mouth, again, followed the feather-light trail, slowly - still with no need of rushing - until it reached his wrist. The scar that she could always feel if she brushed her hand over that spot was visible to the eye now, the worst of all the others. Bella knew it was not only the deepest and the most sensitive, but it was the most significant as well.

"I'm in love with every... single... bit of you..." she whispered against the skin before trailing a row of soft kisses along the half moon shape on the inside of his wrist.

* * *

Although it was selfish of him, part of what Jasper loved most about her being human was the fact that she _couldn't _see the scars unless he was in the sunlight. At the same time, this fact tore him apart because she was seeing a lie; she was only seeing what nature intended her to see, so he could lure her in as his prey. It sickened him at times, only second to the fact that if she could see otherwise, she'd be subjected to seeing the hideous truth. Jasper honestly didn't know which was worse.

Bella, however, never ceased to amaze him. He thought she was incredibly beautiful on the outside, but internally she was that much more beautiful. Her heart was so genuine, and she was always so incredibly honest with him when it came to her emotions. She didn't try to be fake, to tell him something false when she felt entirely different. He knew it wasn't just because of his power; Bella was incredibly genuine. Therefore, he had no choice but to believe her when she said he was beautiful. It was hard for him to hear, because to him that was the farthest thing from the truth. She saw an angel, and he saw a monster. It baffled him, because even in seeing his true self, Bella still spoke of such genuine feelings. He didn't deserve this love, but he would most certainly cherish it.

He watched as she trailed her fingers along the outlines of his scars. He could recall nearly all of them, who gave them to him, and why. Mostly all of them had come from newborns trying to take his place at Maria's side, though a good deal of them had come from having to kill the newborns who were past their prime. Of course, Bella knew the scar Maria had given him very well. It was the one she could feel if she touched him, even without the aid of the light. Jasper did not flinch, for her touch was so very soothing to the internal pain that remained locked within him and would for all eternity. He could not erase his past, as it was evident and always would be forever etched into his very skin. But with Bella, she could make it easier for him to carry with him.

She made him feel.. _beautiful_.

He breathed in deeply as she kissed along the most painful scar, which had been reopened by Maria's teeth recently. It tingled, but the warmth of her lips was so very comforting to him. Jasper did not know how he could ever thank her for all she'd done for him. More than just the scars, she'd mended his heart, given him the chance to love again, and given him a reason for living. Very slowly, he lifted her chin and pulled her into a loving embrace.

"Belle," he murmured softly, closing his eyes and hiding his face in her soft hair. "I love you. I.." His voice hitched, and if he could have, he probably would have shed tears. "I can't tell you how much it means to me, that someone like you could love someone like me. It's.. inexplicable.. how wonderful you make me feel."

He found her lips then and kissed her very tenderly, but passionately. He let his love for her pour out of him, emanating from his kiss. His arms wrapped around her, and as he parted from the kiss he continued to press his lips to her jaw.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I would give anything to be warm for you."

* * *

Bella was happy when he didn't protest her words or even pull away from her touch. She knew it wasn't only because he didn't want to offend her by doing so or by making her feel rejected. It was because he truly believed that she thought he was beautiful to her. His words only confirmed it further and upon doing so, made her heart feel as if it were alight. She caught the slight change in the pattern of his speaking and she recognized it well. He couldn't cry, but there were times when Jasper's voiced hitched that way when he was overcome with a certain emotion. Be it sadness like she had witnessed before in the graveyard, or happiness now upon hearing that she loved him exactly as he was.

He claimed that it was inexplicable how he cared for her, but Bella understood it full and well. The reason was because it was the same way she felt for him. Words were beautiful, but they didn't always fall together right. It was rare that they could convey such a deep connection like the two of them had with one another and knowing that, it was all right that sentences couldn't form to express it. Their hearts may have been broken before but in helping each other mend them, they came to match. As a result, they were stronger than before. It was exemplified in the way they kissed, the passion raw and deep-rooted. When his lips moved against hers, she reciprocated, sighing against his mouth.

Another soft sound left her lips, eyes closing when his started to move along her jawline and he pulled her closer to him. She hadn't been expecting an apology, but when she was given one, her eyes opened again to look up at him. The cold didn't really bother her. Of course it did when it was associated with anything except Jasper; she'd never been a big fan of the rain or the cold, despite choosing to live in Forks where both were frequent. But when she felt a chill from Jasper, it meant that he was close. It was reassuring and in a way, comforting to her, despite the fact that her body reacted against it naturally. It did that now when she wrapped her arms around him and laid her head down on his shoulder and goosebumps lifted on her skin.

"It doesn't bother me," she said honestly, just giving him a tighter squeeze to combat her contradiction of anatomy.

Her mind began to wander then. She had become so used to the idea of her being warm and him being cold, that it didn't really register to her that it would all be different when she was a vampire too. Jasper had said before that he liked how warm she was and how good her lips felt against his skin because of her temperature, but when she was immortal, that would go away. _All_ of her human aspects would go away. She wouldn't be warm or soft. That thought worried her when she considered how much he liked that about her now.

"Will you miss this?" she asked, her cheek still settled against his shoulder and her lips poised by his neck as she spoke her thoughts aloud. "It won't be like this when I'm not human," she said. "I won't be warm to you anymore," she said, a hint of sadness in her tone.

* * *

When Jasper thought about the things Bella would be giving up upon her transition into becoming a vampire, he thought more about the things he knew _she _would miss rather than the human traits about her that he adored. There were so many things she would be losing, just in order to be with him. Jasper felt terribly guilty about it, but he also felt incredibly blessed and lucky that she wanted to be with him so much that she would do so. He still did not understand why, but he also knew that love was not something that could be defined in words. Bella loved him and he loved her. That was all the explanation that was necessary.

He passed a hand through her hair and kissed the top of her head as she curled up against him and told him she did not mind that cold that his body exuded. That was truly kind of her, and he could understand her reasoning, but he also knew that there was no question that she'd be more comfortable if he was softer and warmer. As comforting of a presence as his cold exterior might have be, that didn't make it _comfortable_. It was fortunate that she did find it soothing, though, else it might make curling up in bed together a bit difficult. For good measure, Jasper tucked the blanket around her as he held her against him. He listened to her words, her questions, her fears. He could feel that she was nervous about what she was asking.

"Belle," he murmured her name, kissing her forehead. He gently started to rub her back, and moved so that he could be looking directly at her. "I won't lie and tell you there are things about you now that I won't miss later," he said. "Each day that passes when I'm with you, I miss the day before. I will miss this, of course." He trailed his fingertips up and down her spine. "I'll miss the lull of your heart beat, and at the same time, I won't miss the desire I have for your blood. I know- that's terrible of me. But I can't help it. I love you deeply, but that thirst.. I.. I can't.. always completely push it away."

He didn't want her to be afraid of her transition, but he did want her to know everything about it so that she knew what she was getting herself into. She deserved to know, as she was making truly the ultimate sacrifice just for the sake of being with him.

"You'll still be warm to me," he said. "That will never go away. What will change is how I feel to you. I won't feel like a frozen statue. It will just feel.. normal for you to hold onto me. You won't get goosebumps anymore. I won't feel like steel. But.. you will see the scars all the time. I know, you say you don't mind them. It's just.. right now, they'll still go away when I move into the shade. When you're a vampire, that won't happen. You'll see me for who I truly am constantly. I would understand if you were repulsed. I don't want you to feel badly about that.."

To move on from that as quickly as possible, Jasper kissed her forehead again and rested his hand on her hip. "Is there anything else you'd like to know? About the changes you'll go through if you decide for certain this is what you want?"

* * *

Bella didn't often think about anything that she would be giving up when she thought about being human. They talked about this before. The hardest thing for her would be not being able to keep the same relationship with her parents like she had now. Easily, that was the hardest thing she would have to give up. She didn't mind anything else. She didn't mind avoiding the sun or having to learn how to hold her breath when there were humans around. She didn't mind the necessity of learning how to hunt or even to drink blood. She didn't care about the fact that she would never sleep again or that there would be no end to time as she knew it now.

But she hadn't thought about the fact that Jasper would be losing things as well. Even though he said that she would still be warm to him, it wouldn't be the same. Whenever she touched him and caused for a particular response to be emitted because of the warmth of her fingers, it let her know that he was enjoying it. She wondered if that would be the same when she didn't feel quite the same. He said he would miss the sound of her heartbeat. That was something that she never took into account before. Bella thought that it would be something he would be happy without for the sake that it was a constant reminder that she was supposed to be the hunted. She was the prey.

At the same time, he had a point. When she was no longer human, he wouldn't have to be concerned with the fear that she _was_ the prey. She wouldn't be any longer. Instead, she would be the hunter as well. That was something that did comfort her when she thought about the fact that he wouldn't have to think of himself as such a monster when it came to bloodlust anymore. What happened on her birthday a year before would be just a distant memory.

"It's not terrible," she assured him, trailing her fingers along his chest as he continued to do the same along her back in a soothing manner. "I understand."

And she did. It was in his nature to have a desire for her blood. They were going _against_ nature every second they spent together. For that, Bella counted her blessings. It was unlikely that this could happen, but they _made _it happen. When he started to speak of his scars, she shifted so she could sit up a little bit. Pressing her fingers to his lips, she shook her head.

"Jasper, I could never be repulsed by you," she said, not even liking the way that word was in the same sentence as his name. The two would never go together in Bella's eyes. "I meant what I said. I love every bit of you. Including these," she said, brushing her fingers against his forehead and touching the scar above his brow. "If anything, I'll only love you _more_," she said honestly.

"I won't feel like you have something to hide anymore. _You _won't feel like you have something to hide anymore." She kissed him quickly when he made a quick getaway from the subject, not wanting to press it more. It was something that Bella would do a better job with convincing him once she was a vampire. Time would bring the truth if her words couldn't do the job alone now.

The brunette was quiet for a moment when he asked if she had anything else she wanted to know. There were so _many_ things she wanted to know. It was just a matter of knowing where to start.

"It _is_ what I want," she assured him first and foremost, brushing her fingers against his cheek. After a few more moments of thought, she came up with one of the most important questions. "How long will it take before... before I can control the thirst?" she asked. "How long until I can see Charlie again? Or go to school if we have to move? Or come out from hiding away?"

* * *

Whenever he had doubts about himself, whenever he was on a roll with beating himself up and felt he had legitimate concerns, Bella was always right there to counter them. She was unbelievably stubborn when it came this sort of thing, and yet, she was always logical about it. She had a very valid point. When she was able to see him for what he was, there would be nothing to hide anymore. He wouldn't feel as though he was living a lie every time they were together. That of course did not take away from how he felt that she deserved someone better, more beautiful. Given that he thought the world of her, he was certain he'd still feel that way even if he wasn't marred with scars.

Jasper returned her kiss, thankful that the subject did successfully transition to another direction. He didn't like himself being the focus of the attention, and this was a subject that they could beat into the ground for their eternity together and he would still struggle with it. Just another penance for his sins, he supposed. He wanted this morning to be happy and light, for it would not be long before he would have to have Carlisle and Esme come pick her up and take her back to Charlie's house. He still wasn't permitted on the property and he was doing his best to respect that to Charlie's knowledge. The fact that he still snuck in at night to stay with her whenever he could was beside the point. But he'd opened up this topic of conversation, and while he wished he could tell her all the things she would've wanted to hear, Jasper's take on newborns was very different as opposed to Carlisle's.

"It's hard to say," he replied, honestly. "You know I've had a lot of experience with newborns, but.. given the circumstances, I never really got to see how long it took for them to rein in their control. The strength that you will come to possess will be unmatched by any of us. Even Emmett would have a difficult time pinning you if you were to wrestle him." ..._Or if he had to restrain you.._he thought, frowning.

"You'll have speed that will be very difficult to keep up with. Your senses will be heightened even more than the average vampire. It's because of the transition; this is all going to be very new, and your body is adjusting to its immortality." He ran a hand through her hair soothingly, though he was starting to get a bit more concerned. "It's usually after the first year that your body and mind adapt to everything, and all your senses and power begins to calm. At least, that was my experience with the newborns I have encountered."

He thought more on it, then held her a little closer. "As for the thirst, I don't know. I was raised differently than the rest of my family. Carlisle has successfully raised three newborns on his own." Four, indirectly, if one included raising Alice by her visions of Carlisle and his vegetarian ways. "You know I still struggle immensely with my thirst. That's something that every vampire copes with to a degree. I have not witnessed Carlisle's ways, but from what I understand Emmett struggled, and even Esme slipped a few times." He frowned a little again, looking down.

"It will probably at least that first year before you will be able to see Charlie. As for school.. well, my stint at Forks High School was not the first, but I have not been through nearly as many school as the others. I had to stay home most of the time while they all went to their classes. I would study privately at home. Carlisle would give the excuse that I had a weak immune system or something to that effect if anyone inquired. But for you, I.. I just can't give you a direct answer. I'm sorry, Belle. This is.. so much to ask of you. So much of a sacrifice."

* * *

It was a lot to take in. Bella did the best she could, but the fact that she could feel his concern didn't make it any easier. He was always honest with her, which Bella appreciated. But that didn't mean that the truth was always a simple thing to take in stride. Being someone who encountered so many newborns firsthand, Jasper was the best person to give his opinion, even though it was different than the one Carlisle would have probably expressed. Two very different backgrounds and upbringings were to blame for that.

Bella's would be very different than any others, too, of course. She was the only human who ever willingly chose to give up her mortal life in favor of that of a vampire's. That made the circumstances completely unlike any other. There might have been things in her case that never would stand true for any of the others, even though the process was essentially the same. The thought was scary. The whole _thing_ was scary. Bella would have been lying if she said she didn't feel that fear. But it was all about costs and benefits, pros and cons. To her, there were far more benefits than there were costs. To Bella, Jasper was worth anything. So much so that if he asked for her to remain a human, she would ultimately do so. She would hate it; she would hate every single passing second that brought her closer to a natural and inevitable death and have far more fear under such circumstances than without. But if Jasper wanted it – if he _really _wanted that – Bella would find the strength to do it and push her stubborn wants aside.

He seemed to make it clear that the decision was ultimately hers, however. And she'd long since made it. Despite any uncertainty about the future, despite any fears or concerns, she would endure it. Because it was what she wanted more than anything; the assurance that she would be with him forever.

"Guess we'll just… wing it," she said, forcing away the negativity either of them were feeling. "I'm sort of a freak now, anyway. Maybe I'll be a _really _freaky vampire." She shrugged and kissed his shoulder. "I guess one thing is for sure," she said, adopting a fake sort of frown. "I won't be able to fairly call you an old man after a few centuries. I'll be an old lady by then too," she said, the corners of her lips turning back up when she finished jesting with him.

There was something else she wondered about. "When it happens… when Carlisle does it…" she said, trying to think of how she wanted to phrase her questions. "Will I be conscious of it? Of what's going on?"

* * *

That was what scared him. They _would _have to wing it. Jasper had never known a human who wanted to become a vampire. He didn't know if that made the transition any different, or the outcome. There were so many guesses but none of them were any that he could pin down as an actual theory. Even with his extensive knowledge of newborn vampires, this situation was unlike any he had ever encountered. He couldn't form a concrete plan, and that messed with his strategic mind. They were flying blindly into this, and it actually scared him.

He did smile a little, though. "A freaky vampire," he repeated, chuckling ever so slightly. "Can't say I've ever run into one of _those _before."

Naturally, that was a joke. He'd seen his fair share of vampires who would definitely fall into the realm of "freaky" by any standard. Bella had been exposed to some, too. He would definitely consider himself one, that was for certain. He did wonder if Bella would bring with her into the vampire world some sort of extrasensory gift. No doubt there would be something of her personality that would become more dominant, as Carlisle's compassion or Esme's ability to love passionately.

"It's.. not going to be pleasant, Bella," he said quietly. "I wish I could tell you otherwise. I really do. Your change will be.. similar to what mine was. I was not gravely injured when I was changed, as those who Carlisle changed were. I was fully conscious. We've often wondered if putting someone into a medically induced coma before hand would lessen the pain, but somehow I doubt it. Esme was in a coma when Carlisle changed her and she still felt everything. Injecting morphine will do nothing, as I believe they tried that with Emmett. Our venom is.. unlike any other substance."

He held her to him again and looked up at the ceiling. He didn't want to think about Bella going through such a painful experience, but that was the reality. She needed to know everything she was putting herself through.

"You'll know what's happening to you as soon as he bites. You'll feel the venom starting to rush through your bloodstream. It will shut down each of your organs, dissolve all your blood and replace it with itself. It's cruel, as it leaves your heart for last. I'll do everything I can to keep you comfortable. I have some theories to help ease the pain, but I won't lie to you. It's going to be a difficult three days."

* * *

Again, Bella appreciated Jasper's honesty when it came to telling her about what to expect. He had a good point about being similar to her in that he wasn't injured before he was bitten. He was just unsuspecting. The difference, though, was that it would not be a vicious, power-hungry witch who bit her and consequently destroyed her from that point on without any sort of remorse. She would be with Jasper soon enough, even if he wasn't the one who was going to be administering the bite himself.

"You'll be there?" she asked, tilting her head up to look at him again.

When he said he would make her comfortable so long as he could, it made it sound to Bella that he would be there. Originally, she didn't think he would be able to. At least not initially with the scent of her blood in the room. The fact that she would be in so much pain didn't make it easy for him to want to be there as well. She, of course, would never blame him for either of those reasons. In fact, she almost wished Jasper _would _be out of the room for his own sake. It was only for selfish reasons that she wanted him there with her; she simply didn't want to be without him.

She swallowed when he confessed that it wouldn't be easy. The more she thought about it, the more she tried to talk down the pain. How many times had she landed herself in the emergency room for various injuries? So many cuts and bruises and stitches over the years due to her own clumsy actions and two left feet. They had all been painful too, but she'd endured them. This would be unlike any of those things, but Bella tried to convince herself that she could endure this too. She could and she _would_. Talking to herself about it in simpler terms like past incidences made it easier. The worse had been the year before with James. There were so many injuries she sustained even just leading up to the bite. She was no stranger to what it felt like to even have venom run through her veins. It was unlike any pain she'd ever felt before and when she thought about it hard enough, she could still even recall what it felt like to an extent. This would be so much more intensified and instead of feeling relief like she had when Edward sucked the venom back out of her, it would only spread until, like Jasper told her, shut down all of her organs, saving her heart for last.

"What are your theories?" she asked, laying her head on the pillow next to him and turning to lay on her side so she could face him properly.

* * *

Jasper nodded when Bella asked about his presence in the room. He would do everything he could to make sure he remained in control while the transition took place. He had every intention of being with her each step of the way, though he knew there was the possibility that it could overwhelm him. The hardest part would be the initial bite. She would bleed from the wound, of course, and Carlisle would end up drinking a bit of her blood in the process. Until that wound was healed by the venom, he'd be risking losing control and attacking her as he did on her birthday the previous year.

"I'll be as close as I can be. Emmett.. might have to hold onto me at first," he said. "Until the wound closes, at least. Otherwise I.. I might be a danger to you." He wasn't going to say, 'or else I might fight Carlisle for your blood.' That was something he didn't want to think about.

He also didn't want to think about all the pain she was going to be in. It was bad enough that he'd be able to feel all the emotional turmoil she was going to experience as she transitioned from human to vampire. Everything would heighten, and he'd feel it as it was happening. He didn't care about the effects it would have on him, but he didn't want her to have to experience them at all. She was also going to have to endure more physical pain than she should ever have to go through. He could calm the emotional pain, but there was little he could do for the physical pain. He could only soothe the exterior pain she felt little by little. It broke his heart to think about all the pain she was to endure, just so she could be with him.

"Mind you, there is very little that can be done," he said, not wanting to get her hopes up too high. "The venom is.. unstoppable. But, there are little things I can do to help soothe you along the way. For starters, I can keep you from becoming overwhelmed by the pain, and keep you calm." He let his arm rest on her waist, snaking it around her to keep her close to him and turning so he could face her properly.

"As it seeps through the blood stream, it will rise up into your skin to help give it the hard exterior mine has now. It burns, naturally. With my skin as icy as it is, I'm hoping that if I hold you long enough, it will keep your skin cool. It won't do much for the interior burning you'll feel as it moves into your organs, but I want to keep you as comfortable as I can." He kissed her forehead, then pressed his to hers.

"Your throat is going to start burning once your thirst has been initiated. Blood is what sustains us, drinking it keeps us calm and soothes the burn. I'm thinking if I can give it to you in sips, it might help soothe that pain as well. I can give you animal blood, too, to get you used to the taste. I'm sorry, this doesn't sound very appealing, I'm sure. I just.. want to make this as easy for you as I possibly can."

* * *

Bella's heart fluttered when he confirmed that not only would he be close to her, but he'd be a lot closer than she originally anticipated. It would be difficult for him, in that case, than it would be for her. He would be able to feel everything she was going through. Even if she did her best to hide how much it was hurting her, Jasper would see right through it and there would be no denying what was happening and to what extent. She would have to endure the pain no matter what, but having him close to her would make it easier. If she was aware of what was happening as he told her she would be, then she could focus on him and be able to deal with it better than if he weren't with her at all.

The things that he suggested spiked her interest. She knew that she shouldn't get her hopes up – the last thing she wanted was for Jasper to feel like he failed if his suggestions didn't work, but the ones that he expressed to her seemed like very logical ones from the way he explained them. He was always so concerned about his cold skin and this would be one time where he could appreciate the fact that it was different from hers. His arm draped over his torso seemed to be especially chilly on account of the fact that it was brought into question. Even still, Bella moved closer to him. When he kissed her forehead, she shifted closer still so that their noses were almost touching in addition to their foreheads. Her fingers lifted to gently thread through his hair as he continued to speak.

It didn't sound very appealing, no. But strangely… it didn't really bother her. It would have affected most others more than it would her considering she was so well in tune with the Cullen's lifestyle.

"Actually… it sounds… _good_" she said, scrunching her nose slightly. She had to laugh quietly. "I know I won't like it now, but I'll like it then, right?" she said. "I told you I was a freak." She laughed softly again. When Bella quieted, she reached for a kiss.

"Thank you," she told him, tightening the arm she had around him to press their bodies against each other, the contrast in temperature striking. "I'm not scared."

* * *

Jasper was still feeling very selfish about the whole matter. He wished it could've been him having to go through all of these changes, giving up all of these important qualities, people, daily routines and ways of life in order to be with her. True, he was going against the natural instincts of his species in order to be with her, and he was enduring the constant pain he felt from the thirst that so often consumed and controlled him. He'd never really considered any of that to be a sacrifice, though. It was just part of being with her, and he never questioned it for a moment.

It was difficult for him to concentrate when she was so affectionately running her fingers through his hair. That was one of his favorite things in the entire world. He loved how how her fingers felt twisting and running through his curls. It soothed him more than almost anything else. Jasper kissed her tenderly as she moved closer, then resumed pressing his forehead to hers.

He wouldn't classify her as a 'freak,' for certain, but Bella was an offbeat. It wasn't just anyone who longed to be a vampire, or someone who seemed to be a danger magnet. She was completely different than any other human he'd ever come into contact with. Admittedly, Jasper didn't spend a lot of time fraternizing with humans, but he knew enough to know that Bella was different. Maybe she really _was_meant to become a vampire. Maybe she defied human nature and was meant for something more. This was not for Jasper to say. The decision was entirely Bella's, and it seemed she'd set it in stone. Though he did not want her to endure the pain and all the sacrifices that came along with being a vampire, he was not going to deny her of her wish.

"Not a freak," he said, shaking his head and smiling.

He pulled her against him as she moved closer, and shifted their bodies so that he was on his back and she was laying over him. His hands passed over her body, trailing down her sides and her back, then back up.

"Thank you," he whispered, echoing the sentiment. "I love you."

He pulled her into a gentle kiss, which gradually turned very deep and passionate. It was not long before they were tangled and entwined with each other, making love as the sun's rays spilled into the room. It was the first time they'd done so within the light of day, allowing his true form to overtake the camouflage. This was, perhaps, the most meaningful time they'd made love for Jasper. Even though he felt hideous, he felt _honest_, and that meant everything.

Throughout the rest of the morning, they stayed entwined in each other's arms, just holding and kissing each other. Eventually they made their way down to the kitchen to make Bella some breakfast. The remainder of the early afternoon was spent together, further examining the house and property, until the time came for Carlisle to arrive and take Bella back home to Charlie. It was a bittersweet parting; Jasper would be back to see her once Charlie was sleeping, but he still never liked to be apart from her. That would be remedied once she was changed; they would never leave each other's sides, unless she so desired to. But that latter thought did not cross his mind.

They would be together forever. They would have their eternity.

* * *

**Lyrics: **I'd Rather Be With You - Joshua Radin

**END OF BOOK ONE**

* * *

**Very important author's Note: **So that's it for the first part of our story! Again, it is not NEARLY the end. In fact, we've already posted the first chapter of the next book 'Make This Go On Forever'. Here is the link: s/8854122/1/Make-This-Go-On-Forever

Make sure you follow and favorite that story right away so you don't miss any updates! We'll be posting chapters similarly to how we are now, which usually is around 2-3 a week.

**In 'Make This Go On Forever', some things you will see:**

- Victoria and her army (Right off the bat, you'll read about this in the first chapter!)

- Jasper slipping up with his bloodlust

- The introduction of new friends and family, especially Peter and Charlotte, Renee, and more!

- Intense confrontations between Bella, the Cullens, and the Quileutes

- A very important _change_ in Bella

- A **lot** of intimacy and some racy scenes

- A white dress

- The Volturi and the outcome of their interest in Bella and the Cullens

Thanks so much for reading our story! We hope you love the next book as much as this one! Please review and let us know what you thought about part one! We adore our readers and appreciate every single one of you! Happy reading! Cheers! x


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